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Language:
English
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Published:
2026-06-24
Updated:
2026-07-17
Words:
8,690
Chapters:
9/?
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96
Kudos:
171
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but its futile (we were nothing worthwhile)

Summary:

For as long as Till could remember, the balance of his life was very simple.
Till was in love with Mizi, and Ivan was in love with Till.
But this balance had shifted before he knew it.
Now, Till was in love with Ivan, Ivan was in love with someone else, and Till was blindly, savagely jealous.

Chapter 1: oh, beautiful boy

Chapter Text

“Sorry, sorry, I’m late.”
Ivan said, hopping out the door, slipping on his loafers.
Even if he was late, he still managed to look impeccable, hair perfectly styled, outfit put together, face composed.
Till, on the other hand, was the opposite.
He was average looking, (even if Ivan refused that earnestly), a loner, weird, and had a temper.
“Whatever. Just make it quick.”
He scoffed, and walked to the elevator.

 

“But you did wait for me.”
“Only because I can’t drive.”
“Oh.”
Ivan said, pressing the button.
Till didn’t want to admit it, but he did wait for him.
And he didn’t want to admit this either, but Till was worried about Ivan.
Everything about him, to the set of his jaw, to the sweep of his hair to the look in his eye seemed new and unfamiliar.
His normally warm irises seemed infinitely colder, black like an endless abyss.
It was so unfamiliar, Till could just cry.

 

“Hey, Sua. How’s apartment hunting going?”
Ivan greeted his younger sister with a smile on his face, waving slightly.
“Just fine.”
Sua replied as Mizi gave Ivan a warm hug, and Ivan chuckled, curling into her, embracing her tightly for a moment before letting go.
“It’s been too long. What’s the matter with you two? Trouble in paradise?”
He joked, as Mizi embraced Till, albeit a lot more brief than she did with Ivan.
“It’s nothing like that. We were just a bit busy.”
Mizi replied for Sua, a sheepish smile on her face.
“For half of a year?”
Ivan asked, raising a brow.
“We were travelling.”
Sua deadpanned.
“Ah, now, that…that makes more sense, doesn’t it?”
Mizi just laughed sheepishly, stepping closer to Sua.
“Where’s Hyuna? And Luka?”
Till asked. They hadn’t spoken in a while.
“They can’t come. They have a gig.”
Sua answered, checking her phone.
“Well, we should get going, then.”
Till spoke up, checking his phone.

 

Till came home to an untouched apartment.
Well, that was to be expected, since he lived alone, and Ivan was out with him.
But it was strange.
Ivan hadn’t hijacked his apartment in a while, which he did often, since he lived next door.
It was really strange.
Because the whole day, Ivan didn’t look at him at all.
And Till almost forgot Mizi existed, because he was too focused on the new, cold, Ivan.

 

“Where are you going?”
Till asked, as they both stepped out at the same time.
As Till looked at him now, it was like realising just how handsome Ivan really was. Of course, Till always knew Ivan was a good looking man, but it was glaringly obvious now, being held in comparison with Till’s unshowered, dressed in sweatpants look.
“Uh. Just some company trouble. What’s up? Do you need anything?”
He asked, a hint of restlessness in his voice as he checked his wristwatch.
He was definitely not going to a meeting, that was for sure.
Till knew when Ivan would typically go for meetings, because they would always be at odd hours, since he had other people managing the company and they only really ever needed him in emergencies, not just in time for a nice dinner.
He was certainly dressed for the part.
“It’s nothing. Just wanted some booze.”
Till said, scratching his neck.
“Oh. Well. Be sure to eat.”
He said, giving him a half baked wave before rushing down the stairwell.
It was really strange.

 

Till plucked at his guitar absentmindedly.
He had recently gotten a movie deal, and he had to start with the music production, or he would be spectacularly fucked.
He knew that, so why couldn’t he focus?
He never fell short on his contracts before. Ever.
He hummed to himself, glancing at his phone.
He sighed, put away his guitar, and picked up his phone, dialing a number.
“Hi, ma.”