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Living with an alien who picked up on every single thing you did was hard. Over the few months Rocky had made himself at home on the Mary, Grace had learned to give up the hope of personal space once and for all. Sometimes on a low effort day for the both of them Grace could snag and hour or two to himself, but they were few and far between. The only other time he got time truly to himself was meal time.
Right now, Grace is really lucky he gets meals to himself. Rocky had explained that he had been messing with the scientist when he let him observe him eating that first time. They had both laughed about it after the initial mortification, joy seeping it's way into the suffocating energy the ship seemed to hold for Grace.
Meals are done in private now. Roughly an hour, which both of them deemed fair. It was tricky to tell time in the middle of space, but small tools around the ship made it easier. Grace stood there, rattling the floor beneath him as he looked over his options. None of them were great, but that was typical when you're in space. Normally he could just grab a cup of instant noodles and move on but it just wasn't working today. Why wasn't it working? He could feel the start of that nasty storm of emotions he kept down start to bubble, threatening to spill out in his words and through his eyes. He had woken up in a funk that he couldn't describe. He tried brushing it off, stumbling around the lab, but even Rocky could tell he was more than just tired.
His time was dwindling and he just couldn't decide on anything. He could feel his breathing pick up slightly before his hand started clenching at his side. When was the last time this even happened to him? He couldn't remember, it was the first time on the Mary at least. The lights hummed above him, burning into his eyes as he looked at the dehydrated meals before him. Minutes ticked by and his brain just would not let him pick anything. It got overwhelming so quickly he didn't even register when his other hand started waving in the air next to him. A quick, repetitive wave that blurred his hand from the outskirts of his vision. His breathing had gone back down slightly and he was so close to finally making a decision when-
"What Grace doing, question."
Grace flinched, hard. He suddenly went so still it physically hurt him. Hands dropped to his side, clenching in what he hoped was just out of sight. Unfortunately for Grace, nothing went unnoticed by Rocky, but he was being patient enough to not point it out in the moment. Somewhere behind the barreling anxiety he made a note to not let Rocky look at his hands till the indents would go down.
"Grace." No tapping followed that, not that Grace could hear it over the sound of his own heartbeat. "Grace not okay. Grace eat, question?" The eridian rolled closer to him, being mindful of the space he had between himself and Grace. Rocky made a note of how still Grace was. It didn't even seem like he was breathing, though Rocky could hear the shaky sounds coming from him anyways.
With a surprising amount of force, Grace spun around to see Rocky. His hands flew behind his back, nails digging into his palms so hard he distantly worried he would bleed. "What?" Was stuttered out, so softly Grace barely heard it, despite the fact that it came from his lips. Lucky for him, Rocky had impeccable hearing, and if he had eyes he would have been giving the scientist a look.
For an alien without a face, Grace could read Rocky incredibly well. He took note of the way Rocky studied him. This was not helping his case in the slightest. Silence lingered around them, the heavy kind, the kind Grace was really good at getting rid of normally. For the first time in a long time his voice failed him. Thankfully (or maybe not, Grace couldn't tell) Rocky finally spoke up again.
"Grace eat, question." It was more firm this time. He didn't remember when he programmed the translator to get his tone across, but he didn't have the brain power to worry about that right now. He barely had the mental capacity to answer the question really.
C'mon Grace, breathe. Was it bad he could barely hear his own thoughts through the panic flooding his veins? Probably. He tried to think back, memories of a self help seminar coming back to him slowly. It was a one time thing he went to during undergrad. It was his freshman year of college and he didn't think he'd need something so trivial, but he was bored and so he went anyways. He never noticed the way the grounding techniques stuck with him, the way the breathing exercises never quite left. In moments like these he was thankful for that, because through a lot of concentration he was able to still his breathing and his voice slowly came back to him.
"I'm uh.. not really hungry right now, Rocky. Sorry." His voice was too loud in the silence of the lab. He was shaking with the tension of holding himself still. He wanted to pace and yell and flail and he just didn't understand why and that only made it worse. He didn't know how he was still standing if he was being honest, but he couldn't tell anyone much of anything right now with his brain so clouded.
Like a blissful ray of sunshine, Rocky just kept pushing. "Grace shaking. Grace okay, question?" When did Rocky get closer? Had he been this close the entire time? Surely not, but Grace wouldn't have been able to tell regardless.
Thanking whatever gods existed for Rocky's sudden patience, Grace managed to form a sentence again. "I'm… I'm okay, just tired I guess." He was lying through his teeth. He didn't even sound convincing to himself and he knew Rocky wouldn't believe it either, but his heartbeat sounded too loud to his own ears still so he didn't care.
"Lie. Grace lie. Grace never still. Grace need move again, statement."
A shaky breath left the scientist, the anxiety slowly seeping out through the cracks Rocky made. Carefully he started rocking back and forth on his heels. It wasn't what he needed, but he hoped it would satisfy the alien in front of him so he could scurry off to get all his energy out.
It didn't. "Grace move hands again, question." The question hit him like a bullet. He flinched again, softer this time. He almost didn't do it, a protest on the tip of his tongue, but a single, sturdy tap from Rocky got his hands moving again.
This felt like a humiliation ritual. Was Rocky just messing with him? He didn't think about it for too long, once again thinking back to those breathing exercises as his hand sped up beside him again. Deciding that this wasn't working fast enough, Grace took to pacing as well. He was muttering to himself between deep breaths, just mindless noises so he could keep his mouth moving and not apologizing immediately.
Rocky, who was now incredibly content with himself, just observed. He didn't stop him, he just stayed still and let Grace do what he needed. The concept was entirely foreign to the human across from him, but Rocky stayed patient.
After what felt like several lifetimes to Grace (which had actually only been 10 minutes) he stopped pacing. His breathing was back to normal and the only thing left rattling through his bones were the aches of holding himself together so tight. Fiddling with his zipper he turned back to the eridian again. Before he even got the chance to speak, Rocky spoke up again.
"Can Rocky give question now, question." It came across more gentle than either of them expected it to. Grace just let out a soft sigh and resigned himself to his new fate. Surely Rocky would make fun of him just like everyone else had and he would never be viewed the same and he was just a giant lose-
"Moving hands help Grace? Why, question." The question snapped him out of his spiral immediately. He seemed so genuinely curious it almost brought Grace to tears.
Hesitating only a moment, Grace finally spoke again. "It's just a stupid human thing I guess. But uh, yeah. Helps me out a ton actually."It feel like he was ripping his very being from his chest and lending it to Rocky for examination. Rocky did just that, but with patience and care no one had ever bothered to show the scientist before.
"Not stupid. It help Grace. Help Grace mean is good, statement." Rocky scooted closer again. "There word, question? Rocky want to learn about things help Grace."
Nodding, Grace stood and walked over to the translator setup while Rocky rolled along beside him. He was shaking slightly again, but he didn't want to explore that right now. Exploring that would mean crying and crying in front of the only other living creature he knew wasn't exactly his favorite activity. "It's called stimming." He was sitting down now, hands ready at the keyboard. Two taps from Rocky had him speaking again. "Oh right! It means uh.. it's like when you do a lot of repetitive movements to make yourself feel better kinda. It helps get rid of extra energy in the body that's causing your brain to fog up. Do you guys have anything like that?"
Silence fell over the two of them again while Rocky thought, but it felt different this time. Light, easy going quiet that they both could relax in. "Yes. We have similar thing. Is called," a soft, small melody left the alien. Grace was quick to add it, watching as Rocky spoke again. "Stim. Yes yes yes! Stim!" Happy chirping followed his statement. "Rocky never done before. How stim, question?" The excitement in his voice had Grace close to tears.
Pull yourself together, Grace. He took a deep breath, the tears never quite making their way out of his eyes. Instead of demanding he stop or tell him how weird he was, here Rocky was, genuinely fascinated and eager to learn about it. This was brand new and it left a new seed of hope inside of him.
"Well I tend to shake my hands really fast, like you saw earlier. I tap everything too, like, all the time. Pacing is another one. Oh! I shake my legs too, especially when I'm sitting my knee will bounce." Rocky just nodded along, knowing very well Grace would not be shutting up for a solid 3 minutes now. "When I keep popping the caps on and off the markers? Yep you got it that's another one." Rocky hadn't said anything. "Yeah uh. Oh. Oh my god sorry go ahead you can talk now-"
"So…" Rocky well, rocked. Slowly back and forth his ball tumbled as he moved. Understanding seemed to dawn on him. "This? This it, question?"
"Yeah! Look at you, Rock. Learning all sorts of human stuff."
"Amaze amaze amaze!" Rocky started rolling himself around Grace, causing him to giggle. "Rocky like stim!" And here come the tears again.
Once Rocky stopped again Grace continued talking. "But uh, seriously. Thank you."
"Why thank, question?"
"For not judging me. For actually helping me. It means a lot. This uh… wasn't exactly common back on Earth." The awkward chuckle he let out would have make Rocky frown if he had the ability.
"Rocky always help Grace. Rocky Grace friend." Rocky heard a sniffle and rolled closer again. "Need hug, question?"
Without speaking, Grace knelt down and hugged Rocky. Well, he hugged his ball, but Rocky pressed himself up against Grace the best he could. They stayed like that for a moment before Grace pulled back. His glasses were already halfway off so he pulled them the rest of the way so he could wipe his eyes. They both sat for another minute or so before Rocky managed to swindle Grace into actually eating this time.
As the months passed on, Rocky picked up a lot of things from Grace. He adapted many of the motions he saw the scientist do for himself. He even made himself a clicker so he could use it while he thought. Late into the ships night cycle Grace would cry to himself. For once it wasn't a nasty, heavy cry. Instead it was lighter, softer in nature. He was overflowing with joy and gratitude so it had no choice but to roll down his cheeks. In the back of his mind he thanked Stratt. He truly found himself a home and a best friend he would give up Earth for a million times over, and there was no where else he would rather be.