Archive of Our Own ^beta

november 15, 2000.

his brother bounded into the living room, smile ever present on his face. immediately, he grabbed mafumafu's wrists, pulling him up only to pull him into a hug. their parents came into the room, clearly confused at the fuss their eldest son was making.

"mum, dad! it finally happened!"

with that, their eldest son released his poor little brother from his clutches, rolling up his sleeves and proudly showing them off.

his mum was the first one to react, joyous expression on her face as she studied her son's arm further.

"oh hajime, i'm so proud of you!"

his dad had given his son a warm smile, studying his arm as well. mafumafu stood confused, not understanding the fuss. clearly something had happened, but what?

his brother spun around to face his 9 year old brother, grinning at him before showing off his arm. mafumafu looked at it confused before he realised what the fuss was about.

"look mafu, i finally got my first soulmate mark! my friends aren't going to believe this!"

it was true. on his brother's left forearm, a small but colourful flower doodle. he'd finally gotten his first mark. judging by the drawing, it was clear his soulmate was an artistic type.

his brother kept his sleeve rolled up for the rest of the evening, eyes never leaving the precious doodle. mafumafu was truly happy for his older brother, for he'd never seen him this happy.

as they ate dinner that night, his family had eagerly chatted about their son's possible soulmate. mafumafu sat in silence, content with just listening to his family talk.

"-soon, it'll be mafu right?"

he looked up from his food, confused at the mention of his name.

maybe he hadn't been listening as well as he thought he'd been.

"i'm sure he'll have to wait a few years until he gets his soulmate mark. i guess we'll just have to wait it out."

his mother flashed her youngest son a pure smile, eyes full of hope.

"you'll tell us when you get your soulmate mark, won't you sweetie?"

of course, he returned his mother's hopeful smile, reassuring his family.

"of course i will!"

☆

september 8, 2004.

taking a deep breath, mafumafu took his first steps into his new junior high. it was the same school his brother had gone to so he wasn't too scared. looking around the crowds of people searching for the class list, he felt a tap on his shoulder. spinning around, he was faced with a brunette his age, eyes full of confidence.

"hi! you're a first year too, right?"

"um, yes, i am..."

good jobs on first impressions, buddy.

"i'm ryouta, you?"

"oh, i'm mafumafu."

the other boy had thankfully not been deterred by his hesitation or his weird name as he began to pull him to their class lists. all the while, declaring to him.

"you and i are going to be great friends, mafumafu!"

the 12 year old had truly believed his words, smile breaking out on his face.

"yeah!"

☆

april 24, 2005.

he watched as his older brother doodled on his arm, drawing out god knows what. (truly, his brother was no artist.) it was sweet though. ever since his brother had finally started getting his soulmate's doodles on his arm, he'd began returning the favour. he didn't know the girl yet, however they'd already established a system.

his phone buzzed, pulling him out of his thoughts.

~

from: ryouta ☆

hey, at lunch tomorrow we're sitting /w some other guys

you cool with that?

~

mafumafu had no idea what his friend meant by other guys but he was in no position to deny the request seeing as ryouta was his only friend.

he couldn't afford to lose his only friend so easily.

~

to: ryouta ☆

yeah sure!

i'll see you tomorrow!

~

as he finished typing, his brother had began engaging in conversation with him.

"hey, mafu."

"yeah?"

"what do you think your soulmate is gonna be like?"

"i don't know. i haven't got any doodles yet."

when did he start sounding so pissed off?

nonetheless, his brother continued smiling at him.

"i'm sure they'll be great for you, whoever they may be."

and, somehow, he found himself believing in his brother's words.

☆

june 20, 2005.

when the bell rang, signalling lunch, the majority of students began clamoring the hallways, rushing to the cafeteria. slinging his bag over his shoulder, mafumafu swiftly made his way outside, walking over to sit under his usual cherry blossom tree.

he'd been eating alone recently. it was lonely as hell, sure, but it was much better than sitting with ryouta and his new crew.

he had no idea what he'd done to piss them off but they were more than hostile towards him: pushing him around and treating it as a joke.

as he tucked into his lunch, he rolled up his sleeves.

they were clean, obviously. his soulmate hadn't yet made a mark. he'd be lying if he were to say he didn't check everyday. he seriously hoped that his soulmate was just not the artistic type, for there were some people who went their whole lives without a soulmate.

a part of him worried that he would be one of those people.

-

after finishing his lunch, he'd come to the conclusion that if his soulmate wasn't going to show themselves, he'd have to do it himself! love waits for no one, as his father loved to say!

humming to himself, mafumafu began drawing the first thing that came to his mind: a bunny. it was childish, sure, but he was strapped for time. only 2 minutes of lunch left.

quickly, he finished doodling his (lopsided) bunny and pulled up his sleeve. of course, there was a high chance that his soulmate wouldn't see it. there was a high chance his soulmate wouldn't start receiving his silly arm doodles until they were adults or such.

either way, that wouldn't stop him.

the 13 year old already desired to meet his soulmate more than anything.

☆

september 16, 2005.

"come on mafu, you're overreacting."

"don't call me that! and no i'm not! your friends purposely humiliated me!"

"they were just playing around, lighten up!"

as furiously as a 13 year old could, mafumafu dabbed at the mess on his school blazer. it was ruined beyond salvation but that didn't stop him from at least attempting to save it.

it had been awful. at the start of their second year, ryouta had managed to drag him back into his friendship circle. the friendship circle consisted of 4 other boys, all in their year. these boys were somewhat kind to him at first, accepting him in the group. overtime, however, their view of him had been poisoned. they laughed at him obnoxiously when he accidentally messed up, insulted him (playing it off as banter) and just making him feel small in general.

today had been particularly worse, for one of the boys had mentioned how feminine his voice was.

mafumafu wasn't stupid. he knew his voice wasn't deep like the other boys in his class. it was as if puberty had simply passed him without scraping him at all. it was odd but he liked it, being able to talk without fear of his voice suddenly dropping.

"you seriously sound just like a girl!"

"... i know. you don't have to tell me."

if the other boys had heard what he said, they sure didn't act like it. even ryouta was freely laughing with them. he felt somewhat betrayed by his friend's actions but overlooked it, for ryouta was always there for him.

if he smiled and endured it, it would be fine anyways.

... or so he had hoped.

"i wonder if he screams like a girl as well?"

"i bet he screams like rin in 2-A!"

"only one way to find out!"

in a matter of seconds, one of the boys (daichi, his name was?) had 'accidentally' spilt his drink all over mafumafu's once pristine blazer.

he screamed, as they had hoped.

they all erupted in laughter, as he had hoped they wouldn't.

picking up his bag in a hurry to get away from everyone, mafumafu was temporarily stopped by ryouta grabbing his wrist.

the look on the other boy's face was sympathetic, though he could see him forcing down a grin. he ended up violently jerking his wrist out of ryouta's hold before running from the school roof and to the nearest bathroom.

ryouta had watched him attempt to clean his blazer before attempting to help him.

"mafu."

"what."

"you don't need to listen to those guys, you know? me and you will always be best friends."

mafumafu raised his eyebrows at his friend's claim, considering all that had just happened. he looked over ryouta's face once more for sign of dishonesty, before giving him a small smile.

"of course we'll always be best friends."

with that, they both enveloped each other in a hug, mafumafu still clenching the soda soaked blazer in his hand. he felt sad still at what'd happened but with ryouta by his side, he knew he would be ok. after all, they'd always be best friends.

if only he knew then of how good an actor his 'best friend' could be.

☆

october 18, 2006.

his birthday had just happened to fall on a school day, unfortunately. it didn't matter too much to him though, for he knew his family had a huge surprise waiting for him at home.

as soon as he got into school, ryouta met him cheerfully wishing him a happy birthday and promising him his present at lunch. truly, it couldn't get any better than this. his last year of junior high, his family were extremely supportive of him (when they weren't doting over his brother's new girlfriend) and, to top it off, he had the most amazing best friend in the world!

the only thing now he yearned for was the marks on his arms to appear.

it was normal for people to start receiving their soulmate's arm doodles at around 15 years old or so but, honestly, he couldn't wait that long!

his brother had gotten his at 13, luckily, so he wanted to follow in his footsteps. fate just wasn't allowing it.

when lunch rolled around, ryouta had told mafumafu in a hushed whisper that his gift would be waiting in his locker after school. blindly, he believed his best friend as they began chatting idly as usual.

oh, how he wished he saw how ryouta's other friends sniggered at his excitement at his 'present.'

-

as the other students piled out of school, eager to escape the prison they called 'school', mafumafu made his way to his locker. he'd been thinking about his present from ryouta all day! he was happy just having a friend who remembered his birthday but having a friend who remembered AND got him a surprise present? truly, ryouta was the best.

finally reaching his locker, the beaming grin on his face only got bigger as he finally got to see what his best friend had gotten him.

he took a deep breath as he unlocked the locker (he'd always been good at dramatic effect.)

opening it up, he found a little box inside.

he opened up the box with a smile still present on his face,

- that smile disappeared as soon as he saw the contents of the box.

little pieces of cards with harsh insults on them. most of them from people he couldn't recall the faces of.

"crawl back to your little hole freak www"

"stop trying to fit in loser!"

"you don't belong here ♡ lol"

"faggots don't deserve to live"

he couldn't bear to read the rest of them, tears blurring his vision as he shut his locker and ran to the nearest bathroom.

(he could've sworn he heard the sound of people sniggering at him behind the wall)

he ripped up several of the cards and stuffed the box into the bin. violently, he tried to wipe away his tears. taking a look in the mirror, he felt even worse.

his face was soaked with tears, brown hair sticking up in random places. he'd never really noticed before. he hadn't pegged himself down as 'handsome' but he didn't consider himself ugly, by any means.

... was that how other people saw him though?

maybe that was the reason people didn't actively try and talk to him. maybe that was the reason ryouta's friends had all rejected him. all this time, how could he have been so blind?

the tears were refusing to stop and he desperately needed them to stop; he didn't want his family to know he'd been crying on his birthday of all days.

taking his pen out of his pocket, he began doodling on his arm out of frustration. usually, he would do this on paper but he had none on him.

the tears had finally stopped flowing and the result was a droopy looking kirby on his wrist. he was no artist but it was...cute. with that, he finally had the courage to get up and head home. he didn't want to think about what had just happened now. he wanted to go home and celebrate his birthday. he wanted to be happy for the rest of the day, at least.
pulling up his sleeve, he picked up his bag and left.

-

he didn't know it at the time, but, as he left the school, a certain boy had rolled back his own sleeves to reveal a weird kirby drawing.

"hey, what's that on your arm?"

"i... i don't know?"

"it kinda looks like kirby... or jigglypuff."

"huh."

☆

november 3, 2006.

here he was again, sitting beside ryouta at lunch. it was an awful decision, he knew that, but ryouta had been very... persuasive.

"you're going to ruin our friendship, just like that?"

"you ruined my birthday! what the hell do you expect?"

"it was just a joke, mafu."

he'd began walking away, until ryouta spoke up again.

"you're really going to leave your only friend?"

"..."

"face it mafu, nobody else is going to want to be friends with you. i'm doing you a favour!"

of course, he'd ran back to ryouta after that. he was right. he knew he lacked the social skills to make new friends, especially in their last year of junior high. ryouta was still being extremely kind to him anyways by not abandoning him.

lunch was boring, to say the least.

ryouta had chatted about his other friends the entire time, talking about all of the (totally legal) things they would do. mafumafu had listened for a few minutes before completely spacing out. literally, anything was more interesting than what ryouta was talking about.

"oi, mafu! you're spacing out again!"

"hm? oh... sorry."

ryouta sighed in frustration, glaring at the other boy.

"do you even want to be friends? i hang out with you even though you're a total waste of space and this is how you act? what the fuck is wrong with y-"

ryouta had stopped mid-sentence, realising mafumafu was on the verge of tears. mafumafu himself hadn't quite noticed until he saw ryouta's demeanour change.

"hey hey, don't cry! i was just kidding mafu. c'mon, i don't really mean that stuff."

"r-really?"

"of course not, you're my best friend! it's just playful banter."

to solidify his point, he punched mafumafu slightly in the shoulder. they both began to laugh again, as if that didn't just happen. standing up, ryouta pulled mafumafu up, smile still on his face.

"let's go to class, bestie."

"that's so cringey, what the hell?"

"it's the truth~"

-

he didn't think the day could get better, honestly. it was only after he left class to use the bathroom, he saw an unfamiliar mark on his wrist. he couldn't see the whole mark but his heart had already began racing.

this was it. this was going to be his first soulmate mark.

taking in a deep breath, mafumafu slowly rolled up his sleeve. his brother had gotten an very creative soulmate so there was no saying what his soulmate would be like.

he rolled up his sleeve completely, staring in complete awe at his first soulmate mark. like his brother, his soulmate also seemed to be creative...

... just in a completely different way.

doodled on his right wrist was now a drawing of a dick...? that's what it seemed to be anyway. there were a lot of questions rolling around in his mind when he saw the doodle properly.

he was happy that he truly had a soulmate but this definitely wasn't the way he wanted to find out: a comical penis tattooed on his right wrist.

oh god, he was going to have to keep this on his wrist until his soulmate finally took the initiative to wipe it off his own wrist. how was he going to tell his parents that his soulmate was into drawing dicks on their arm? how does one bring that up with their parents?

pulling up his sleeve once again, he decided there was no point mulling over it anymore. he just had to accept his fated lover was an artisan of dicks. it was reassuring his soulmate had a sense of humour, at least.

smiling to himself, mafumafu left the bathrooms.

everything was finally looking up for him.

-

"psst, pass me your arm."

"ok wh- holy fuck why are you drawing a dick on my wrist."

"birthday penis, duh. alludes to the fact you're a dick yourself."

"thanks. if my soulmate sees this, this is gonna be their everlasting impression of me, but thanks."

☆

august 6, 2007.

he and ryouta sat out on his garden fence, taking in the summer sunshine. they'd both joked around for the majority of the day, enjoying each others company. it was only when the sun started to set that they started talking to each other seriously.

"hey, ryouta?"

"hm?"

"what high school did you get into?"

"kiboudan high, what about you?"

"i got into that school as well!"

"of course you did, silly. you're smart."

they both laughed again, happy to be spending the rest of high school together.

life was truly getting better for mafumafu. after the penis art, the only other message he'd gotten on his arm via his soulmate was a bunch of equations. he assumed his soulmate was off attempting to cram a test or something. his soulmate had really nice handwriting too.

she was going to be perfect for him, he just knew it.

ryouta and him had stuck around each other too. there were a few more incidents involving his friends but they all ended with ryouta comforting mafumafu, telling him that he didn't need to be upset and that he would always be there for him.

after all, what are best friends for?

ryouta had also been the first person he'd shown his soulmate marks to, extremely proud of them. ryouta had been shocked at first, hearing the other boy actually had a soulmate but, nonetheless, giving him a smile and congratulating him.

mafumafu stared up at the mandarin coloured sky before speaking again.

"thanks for being my friend."

"oh, you suddenly got sappy."

"shut up! i'm just stating a fact."

the other boy hesitated a bit before giving his response.

"yeah. thanks for being my friend too."

(he didn't quite hear the insincerity in ryouta's voice but he never did.)

☆

september 20, 2007.

his first week of high school hadn't been as shit as he'd initially feared.

as soon as he got into school, an upper classman had offered to show him around the school, asking for his number, but he'd bolted before he could get his phone out. he hadn't even been in the school for a minute and he'd been hit on, sheesh!

he and ryouta met up at lunch, chatting to each other about their classes. they had no classes together, unfortunately, but they still were able to eat lunch together.

another problem he'd already faced in his new school was the fact he had to be somewhat sociable now. he was completely fine with blending in the background, saying nothing at all but his classmates weren't content with that.

"mafumafu, right? you should totally speak more! i didn't even notice you there!"

"you're so cute mafuchan!! are you mute or something though?"

needless to say, his classmates were pain.

the lessons were good enough though. he didn't regard himself as particularly smart but he tried his hardest. every time he was called on to read or to answer a question, he swore he could hear his classmates chuckling behind him.

he would've broke down already if it wasn't for ryouta's kind words. the other boy always assured him that he would be there for him, that he was his only friend and things would stay that way.

he agreed, for he didn't know any better then.

-

on this particular day, he hadn't really been paying attention to anyone around him. he tried not to look up at anyone in the corridors. it was only when he bumped into someone that he was forced to.

he'd ended up bumping into a tall blonde boy, freckles decorating his face. instead of looking pissed off (as most people did), the boy seemed to be more concerned if anything.

"s-sorry... i wasn't looking at where i was going."

"i can see that! are you ok?"

he looked back up at the boy who was now giving him a smile, devoid of any spite or harshness.

"i'm fine, sorry."

as he moved to stand up, the boy had helped him. he'd also asked to talk to him somewhere less crowded which scared mafumafu. granted, this boy probably wasn't a secret axe wielding murderer but there was no telling with these people anymore. reluctantly, he agreed though. if he was going to die, might as well make it now.

the boy led him outside. people were still there, just less likely to pay attention to them. the boy released hold on mafumafu's arm before turning to him, bright smile on his face.

"i want you to be my friend!"

"...you what?"

mafumafu immediately began looking around for signs of other people hiding away and spying on them. every time someone new asked to be his friend, it was always a lie. the 'friendship' lasted about a month until mafu realised they were only in it to mock him. he didn't want that.

sensing mafu's hesitation, the blonde began to reassure him.

"sorry, this is all a bit random, huh. i was meant to ask you before but you move so quick!"

"..."

"oh, rambling again, sorry! my name is tetsuya! i'm new here but i seriously want to be your friend! you're always by yourself, you know? i don't like that, you always seem so sad."

"you... you don't need to worry. i'm fine as i am."

the blonde boy thought about what to say for a bit, smile faltering somewhat as he did.

"can you at least hang out with my friends and i once, just to see how it is? i won't force you to, if you don't wanna."

"you don't even know my name, why are you so concerned?"

mafumafu hadn't meant to speak to harshly to tetsuya but he just didn't want to be tricked again. the more he believed in the lies he was told, the more everything hurt. tetsuya, clearly troubled by the question, thought about it a bit more.

"you're unhappy. that's why i'm concerned. can you eat lunch with us once, at least? you can flip me off and leave if it's really bad."

he giggled at that, making tetsuya's eyes become more hopeful. he was still terrified, but he admired the other boy's persistence. sighing quietly, he finally gave in.

"...just once, ok?"

he'd never seen anyone grin as much as tetsuya did then (he was honestly concerned.) taking mafumafu's hands into his, tetsuya began to speak happily again.

"thank you so much! trust me, you won't regret it...!"

"my name is mafumafu..."

"it sounds like mofu, that's so cute!"

tetsuya let go of mafu's hands, waving goodbye and shouting at him to come to the rooftop at lunch tomorrow.

he had unconsciously began smiling at his peppiness, but it was the most honest smile he'd shown in a while.

maybe if he hadn't been too busy focusing on his (possible) new fond friendship, he would've noticed the person who'd been watching them the entire time from behind the trees.

oh, if only he'd noticed.

☆

september 22, 2007.

for the first time in a while, lunch felt bearable.

tetsuya and his friends were truly nice people. they actually included him in conversation and joked around with him to. he would be lying if he'd said lunch with ryouta was this fun.

he'd told ryouta about his new friends that day, excited for his friend to know how happy he was. he chatted animatedly about them for a solid 10 minutes non-stop before noticing how uninterested ryouta looked. granted, he never looked truly interested nowadays but this time... there was some other look in his eyes.

mafumafu just couldn't quite tell what it was.

"hey, aren't you listening to me?"

ryouta looked up at him properly, looking extremely pissed off. usually, this would've scared mafu somewhat but now he, too, felt annoyed at his friend.

"sorry, i couldn't hear you over how desperate you sound."

"what is that supposed to mean?"

"serious mafu? you've only known these guys for a day and you already sound like you want to ride their dicks."

ryouta's comment lacked its usual flair, making mafumafu realise his friend was seriously annoyed over this. ryouta began speaking again before he could argue back

"all i'm doing is telling you to tone it down. these guys are probably going to leave you behind anyway."

"you're just being jealous now! they wouldn't leave me."

"you keep believing that then. don't come crying to me when they do leave you."

with that, ryouta picked up his stuff and began heading back in for class. mafumafu rolled his eyes at his friend's childish behaviour, deciding to ignore his warnings.

☆

september 25, 2007.

next time he sat with tetsuya, the group of 5 had decreased into a group of 3. tetsuya and the other boy seemed legitimately confused at their friends' absence, swearing they were present that day. nonetheless, lunch went smoothly.

after lunch, mafumafu and tetsuya walked back to class together, both idly talking about whatever they could. as they walked through the courtyard, mafumafu spotted a certain someone staring daggers at him.

"ryouta!"

even though ryouta didn't look happy in the least, that didn't stop him from calling him over. the brunette walked over, clearly forcing a smile.

"so, this is who you've abandoned me for, huh?"

"unfortunately, yes."

as they both broke out into laughter, mafumafu forgot all ryouta had said to him a few days before. for once, it felt as if they were truly getting along like actual best friends.

ryouta and tetsuya both introduced themselves before establishing a friendship. mafumafu had never felt so accomplished in his life, getting his two closest friends to meet.

"oh, before i forget. mafu, meet me after school here?"

"hm? sure! i'll be there."

there was a moment of silence before tetsuya had told mafumafu to go to class without him, that he'd be there in a minute. mafumafu didn't question the request, simply going straight to class without him.

maybe that wasn't the best choice.

"...tetsuya, was it?"

ryouta began to speak, knowing mafumafu was out of earshot.

"why did you ask me to stay behind?"

"just curious, is all. why are you friends with that guy?"

"mafumafu? there's nothing wrong with him. i see no problem."

"if i were you, i'd get out of it now. he's a fucking loser."

and that was all ryouta said before turning back to his own friendship group, leaving a very confused tetsuya to think about his words.

-

after school, mafumafu headed straight to the courtyard. he'd made sure he wouldn't forget, even going as far as to write it down on his arm

'courtyard after school! don't forget! :D'

he had no idea what ryouta wanted. at first, he'd wondered if ryouta was going to ask to walk home with him. he dismissed that one pretty quick though because, surely, that question could've been asked earlier. he couldn't think of anything else so this excited him, in a way.

opening the courtyard door, he expected to find ryouta there waiting for him.

he didn't anticipate the sudden shock of freezing cold water being dumped on him.

he screamed when it happened, before finally noticing the many students laughing at the prank and at him. the severity of the situation finally dawned on him, making him burst into tears. this only made the laughter get stronger.

"oh my god, he's actually crying!"

"holy shit, this is the best!"

he couldn't properly focus on the many voices and faces though, for his eyes were being drawn to only one person.

in the corner of his eye, he saw tetsuya standing there beside his friends, giving mafumafu what could only be described as a disappointed look. he then proceeded to pretend not to see how hurt he was.

everything was all too much now.

mafumafu didn't even register that he'd began running from the courtyard and into the usual bathrooms.

taking off his blazer and shirt in an attempt to wring them out, he noticed the slightly smudged reminder he'd written. in an act of anger and frustration, he'd began scribbling over it, writting the word 'IDIOT' above it instead.

slumping down onto the bathroom floor, he began sobbing freely.

he was such a naïve idiot.

-

"sorarun, your arm!"

"jesus, stop calling me that!"

the ebony haired boy went ahead and looked at the black scribbles on his arm, frowning at the writing.

"your soulmate seems sad."

"no shit, sherlock."

sighing, he picked up his pen, quickly thinking of something to draw or write.

"...are you drawing jigglypuff? what is that?"

"it's kirby. don't ask."

☆

september 26, 2007.

ryouta wiped mafumafu's eyes silently, not looking him in the eyes. he'd suddenly turned up to his house and mafumafu, in all his glory, had burst into tears.

"a-are you going to stay i-i told you so?"

"of course not. i'm not that mean."

and they both sat together; mafumafu telling him what happened the other day and ryouta listening.

"i'm sorry i couldn't be there to help... i was helping miyuki in the classroom. you'd left before i could find you."

mafumafu accepted ryouta's excuse with no questions asked.

they both sat in silence (along with the occasional sniffles from mafu) before ryouta began talking again.

"you don't need to worry about those guys any more. i'll look out for you."

"you m-mean it?"

"yeah. you're better off without them anyways."

mafumafu's smile widened at that, happy that ryouta was being supportive of him again.

as his friend got up to get his bag, mafumafu suddenly remembered the scrawled out message on his arm. he'd left it on overnight out of anger but he'd forgotten all about it. oh god, had his soulmate seen?

rolling back his sleeve, he was met with the slightly faded black marks, instantly feeling sad from remembering the incident from yesterday. he was about to get up and wash it off when a new message had made its way on his arm.

next to the smudge was a shoddy drawing of kirby (if it wasn't labelled as kirby, he wouldn't have guessed) along with the words 'don't give up' in much neater handwriting.

rolling up his sleeve, he couldn't help but smile. ryouta had finally come back as well, giving him a confused look.

"you seem happier."

"i guess i am."

he giggled, smiling to himself more.

his soulmate was the best.

☆

october 17, 2008.

the second year of high school started off blandly. tetsuya and him never spoke or even looked at each other again. the only friend he knew was ryouta and he was content with that.

he stayed out of everyone's way for the most part, never wanting to repeat the events of last year.

his classes were mundane as well. he didn't really pay attention in any of them, choosing to drift off in his thoughts instead. on this particular day, however, his interest was peaked at the new student introducing himself.

the first thing mafumafu noticed was the boy's blonde hair, mixed with his freckles. the boy had bright blue eyes and, overall, looked like a friendly person.

"hi! i'm saeran. i've just moved here so please take care of me!"

his heart skipped a beat when he spoke but he instantly tried to repress it.

said boy then made his way to the seat beside mafumafu, turning to talk to him straight away.

"hey! what's your name?"

"uh... it's mafumafu..."

"well mafumafu, i hope you and i can be good friends!"

saeran shot him a dazzling smile before talking to other classmates and it was then mafumafu realised he couldn't deny how his heart had sped up.

-

"so, did you do the homework?"

"yeah, did you?"

"do i look like a nerd?"

he never got to spend time with ryouta in school so when the other boy found him at break, he was overjoyed. the both of them chatted idly before they were both interrupted by the sound of someone calling mafumafu. turning around, he saw the source of the voice.

"mafumafu~!"

saeran was waving enthusiastically at him, smile even wider than before. the feeling in mafumafu's heart returned, though he couldn't identify what it was. sheepishly, he waved back at him before turning back to face a concerned ryouta.

"your face has gone all red, you ok?"

"eh? i-it's nothing. let's go inside, ok?"

praying ryouta had bought his excuse, he headed back in without looking back.

in doing that, he missed the look of disbelief and disgust in his friend's face.

☆

april 5, 2009.

mafumafu hadn't met his soulmate in the flesh yet but he already felt adoration for them.

in the past year, he'd gotten a few more marks on his arm from them. at first, he was getting test notes on his arms (was his soulmate a cheat?) which he found pretty cute. his soulmate was also guilty of scribbling dates and addresses on their arm, telling him how forgetful they had to be.

it was cute.

on this specific date, mafumafu found himself drawing on his arm yet again. this time, he doodled a cat on his arm, all the while humming as he did so. as he drew, writing began to form on his arm.

'they're scary, but cute drawings."

the message was simple but it still made him smile immensely. this was the first time his soulmate had responded in words to him and it felt special.

picking up the biro pen again, he began to write back.

'thanks! you writing test answers is p. cute as well.'

it only took a minute or so for his soulmate to respond.

'i've never been called cute before, thanks darling.'

he snorted at the response, but there was something bugging him. why would his soulmate call him darling? it felt too... feminine (for lack of better word.) he also found it weird his soulmate had never been called cute as well, for most girls were labelled as cute at some point. it was a silly thing to worry about but still... something was bugging him.

his soulmate was a girl... right?

he'd never had a crush on anyone but, surely, his soulmate was a girl.

at least, he'd hoped.

-

"oh, the drawings on your arm are cute!"

"gee, thanks mum."

"your soulmate, she must really be into art huh?"

"yeah... i guess she is."

☆

may 18, 2009.

"mafu, hey!"

walking into school, mafumafu was greeted by a happy looking saeran. while the both of them didn't hang out very much, saeran made a proper effort to talk to mafumafu even when he refused to react very much.

"hello..."

even though his response lacked confidence and emotion, saeran's smile still remained. looking over mafumafu properly, the look in his eyes became brighter.

"your hair is really fluffy! it's seriously cute!"

"i'm not cute but thanks."

he made sure to respond as monotonous as possible, for he didn't want to get attached to another 'friend.'

"well, i think you're adorable mafu!"

as soon as saeran declared that, mafumafu had to force down a blush. that feeling in his stomach had returned; the feeling that only came when saeran smiled at him. he'd tried to force the feelings down but it was getting harder.

saeran then proceeded to throw his arm around mafumafu's shoulder, laughing cheerily.

the both of them walked into school together before seperating when they saw their other friends.

"bye mafu! talk to you later!"

saeran hugged him before trotting off to his own friends, leaving a red faced mafumafu alone to deal with his conflicting feelings.

saeran was a person who enjoyed physical contact, he knew that.

so why did he feel this way?

he didn't like the boy in that way, he knew that, but this feeling wasn't going away. it was odd but... he'd never felt like that around any of the girls in his class. chieko from class 2-B had hugged him several times (for she had no boundaries) but he never felt that fluttery feeling around her. tetsuya had hugged him before as well and though he felt uncomfortable at first, he came to enjoy the physical contact his friend was giving.

...but that was weird, right?

then he remembered what his soulmate had told him the month before, about never being called cute. his soulmate being a guy was just an afterthought, sure, but it still confused him.

saeran waved at him from a distance, pulling him out of his thoughts.

shit. he wasn't straight.

turning around, he finally made his way to ryouta who, thankfully, was alone. the both of them chatted normally but mafumafu's thoughts from before were still annoying him, to the point that he had to bring it up as subtlety as he could.

"hey, do you know hiro from class 2-C?"

"oh, him. what about him?"

"i heard he's going out with minoru from 2-B..."

"i don't understand what you're trying to ask me, mafu."

"i just wanted to ask how you felt about it, is all..."

he mentally kicked himself for asking so awkwardly and bluntly. ryouta gave him a questioning look before sighing.

"if you really want to know, i'll tell you. i think it's disgusting. they're sick in the head."

well, that wasn't the answer he wanted.

(though, he already guessed that would be the reply.)

all mafumafu could do was lower his head and laugh emptily.

"...yeah."

"you aren't a fag, are you mafu?"

"no."

thankfully, ryouta bought it and changed the subject. the conversation still hurt, even though he already guessed the outcome.

☆

may 21, 2009.

he usually got into class early to avoid rush and crowding. he'd been doing this for ages; today was no different.

the class had a few students already in there, chatting idly amongst themselves or rushing their homework. sitting down at his desk, mafumafu was about to pull out his book when his phone suddenly buzzed. he rarely received texts during school (unless his brother wanted to piss him off) so this already felt off.

intrigued, he opened the text up.

~

from: [unknown number]

nice to see you at school again :)

you're so easy to laugh at you know?

people like you don't deserve to be here.

~

he stared dumbfounded at the texts, both confused and hurt at the message. it was no secret to him that people laughed behind his back (and to his face) but resorting to texts was low.

even so... he couldn't close the text. he read over it again and again, the words staying in his mind.

suddenly, he felt a tap at his shoulder. he looked up to see saeran giving him his usual smile mixed with something else he couldn't identify.

saeran started a conversation with him as usual, though his mind couldn't help but wander off to the texts before. he responded as casually as he could to saeran (long giving up the monotone act) but his smile couldn't quite reach his eyes.

he'd been making an attempt to laugh at a joke saeran had made before suddenly being interrupted by a classmate of his. she informed him that there was someone who wanted to speak to him outside before walking off. he thanked the girl (rin? was that her name?) and gave saeran a quick apology as he excused himself.

of course, ryouta was the one wanting to talk to him. he looked much more spiteful than mafumafu had ever seen him, sending a chill down his spine. nonetheless, ryouta started to speak first.

"so, you got a new friend."

"you mean saeran? we've been friends since the start of the year."

he hadn't introduced his two friends to each other and he didn't plan on it. last time he introduced ryouta to someone, he convinced mafumafu that they wouldn't stand by him. he was right, as usual, but he didn't want to be told that this time.

he didn't want to go through that again.

"do you like him better than me?"

"h-huh? what kind of question is that?"

his response only made ryouta more annoyed as the other began to raise his voice.

"you heard what i said! do you like him more or not?"

"we're just friends, i swear you're my best friend!"

"that's rich, coming from you. you cling onto whoever shows you the slightest bit of attention?"

"that's not true!"

people were starting to stare now and tears were threatening to spill. other students looked at them oddly and as subtlety as they could. he tried to ignore the stares but it was all becoming to much. ryouta hesitated before pulling him into a less crowded corridor (thankfully, nobody arrived at maths classes early.)

"seriously, i thought you would've learnt by now, kids in this school are liars. why are you friends with him?"

"why are you being so jealous? i'm not your only friend!"

"i'm acting like an actual best friend to you! why would i be jealous of you acting all desperate and needy for friends?"

"that's not-"

"if it's not true, why are you so desperate to make other friends?! aren't i good enough?"

"y-you are!"

without realising it, he'd started crying. he'd never been good at dealing with others shouting at him, always having to stifle down tears and the want to run away. this time was different though... somehow.

his sight was obscured by tears as he slumped down the corridor walls. ryouta's angry comments were a blur in his mind as well; all he could hear was the sound of his own sobbing.

"-mafu! hey, look up at me."

he felt ryouta wiping away his tears, making an attempt to comfort him.

"sorry for shouting at you. i was just venting my anger out on you."

"y-you'll always be my b-best friend!"

"i know that silly. stop crying now, ok? you look ugly when you're crying."

both boys had laughed at that, clearing the heavy tension between them. ryouta pulled him up before speaking again.

"you should get to class now, best friend."

the emphasis he put on 'best' nerved mafumafu a bit but he ignored it, instead opting to smile, say goodbye and leave.

there were a few more people in his class now. he sat back beside saeran and gave him a weak smile.

"you ok?"

"yeah."

he'd meant it honestly this time but, for some reason, the words didn't feel true.

(he had no idea why.)

☆

september 11, 2009.

his third and final year of high school. finally, one more year and he wouldn't have to worry about cramming for tests or bullshitting his way through class.

after he graduated, he wasn't really sure about his future. he was into music a lot, teaching himself how to play guitar and piano, but he wasn't sure if that would lead to anything. he tried not to think about it but the worry still lingered.

still, he'd already decided he was going to be moving out after graduation. his family were fine with it, proud their youngest was moving onto 'bigger things,' as his father put it.

he smiled to himself.

this year was going to be better, for sure.

☆

march 5, 2010.

he was meant to be doing homework but all thoughts of that had left when he started scrolling through the internet. advanced japanese cramming could wait another day.

he'd come across the site niconico in the past but this was the first time he'd actually looked at it properly. there were so many vocaloid songs and random videos, he almost missed the song cover video.

almost.

it was a cover of 'although songs have no form.' he'd seen a few already so it wasn't too much. what did catch his eye, however, was the name of the uploader.

"...osora?"

the name amused him slightly, it sounded cute. clicking on the video, he didn't expect a lot.

he definitely didn't expect this 'osora' person to sound so amazing.

his voice was beautiful, better than anything he'd ever heard before. he had never mylisted a video so quickly.

he replayed the song several times, only pausing it when a knock came at his door.

"mafu, hey. are you busy?"

his older brother hajime stood by the door, determination in his eyes.

"nope, come in."

letting himself in, hajime flopped himself down on mafumafu's bed, sighing dramatically.

"i need emotional support, little brother."

"ah yes, because i'm emotionally stable enough to help you."

he hit him in the arm before continuing with his problem.

"i'm going to meet my soulmate tomorrow."

"oh?"

"yeah, it still surprises me."

he was more than happy for his brother because his brother had desired to meet his soulmate for ages. the look on his face wasn't overjoyed though, his brother looked worried.

"do you think she'll like me?"

he snorted at his brother's question, not expecting that.

"of course she will. you can't have been talking to her for 10 years to have her hate you!"

his brother laughed, punching mafumafu in the arm again.

"thanks for that. if she doesn't like me, i'll just work harder!"

"you're way too determined now."

his brother began to leave the room, only stopping to say one more thing.

"i'm certain your soulmate will love you as soon as they see you too."

he nodded as his door closed.

it was possible for soulmates to lose connection after meeting, everyone knew that. the risk of that happening as soon as he met his soulmate worried him.

pushing down those thoughts, he began listening to osora again.

'"such a lovely voice."

☆

may 28, 2010.

the text messages from the start of the year hadn't stopped; if anything, they'd gotten worse. everyday, he'd wake up to the same insulting texts from the same unknown number. at first he'd ignored them, but the more he read, the more he started to believe the words he'd been labelled as.

every time someone asked why he'd been looking at his phone so intently, he would make up some sort of lie. he didn't want to involve anyone else in this, for this was his own burden.

people like him weren't allowed to feel bad for themselves.

sliding his thumb on the lockscreen, he was greeted with today's messages.

~

from: [unknown number]

hey loser

i'm shocked you're still alive

if i were you i'd have ended it already

pathetic crybaby.

~

as he read the messages, a sudden tap made its way to his shoulder. the source of the tap being saeran. his smile wasn't as big as usual but he began speaking happily, nonetheless.

"mafu, do you have any plans this week?"

"i don't, why?"

"me and a few friends are going to karaoke! do you want to come?"

hearing that other people were going to be there made him pale. saeran was a nice person but he doubted his friends would be the same. all his experiences with new people never ended good.

"i'm not really good with others... i don't think i can."

"my friends are all nice, if that's what you're scared of. plus, i'll be there!"

"eh... i can't sing though..."

"i sound like a dying cat when i'm singing. trust me, you'll be fine!"

he wanted to go but it all sounded too scary.

he'd never call himself a good singer but he enjoyed singing to himself and making up songs (buying a guitar really paid off.) listening to osora's voice strengthened his love of music and singing. he'd been listening non stop to his new cover of 'order made.'

"so, what do you say? you can leave if you feel uncomfortable."

"...ok. i'll go."

saeran's eyes lit up as he threw his arms around mafumafu.

he was still scared but, at the same time, he felt excited as well.

-

"hey, soraru! you're still coming to karaoke, right?"

"i have no choice, do i?"

a laugh.

"saeran's bringing along a classmate of his, by the way."

"damn youth."

"it's not his fault that you're an old man."

"shut up!"

☆

june 1, 2010.

the day had finally come.

he checked his phone, making sure he'd arrived at the right place. saeran had texted him the address but he still felt scared this was all a trick. nervously, he made his way into the karaoke place.

"oh, mafu! over here!"

saeran signaled him over. he was with 4 other boys who all seemed to be waving at him too.

the anxiety in his gut settled somewhat as he walked over. everything was going to be fine.

-

he quickly got introduced to the other boys and almost immediately got along with them all. they all managed to make him laugh.

there was one boy in particular that had caught his attention. soraru.

his voice was similar... he just couldn't recognise it properly.

as the day progressed though, he realised.

"right, let's do this karaoke thing!"

"who's going first?"

first up was saeran and another boy, yuki. they both sounded like dying cats (as saeran had promised) but it had made everyone laugh.

the other two boys (izumi and eiki) weren't half bad, both opting to sing 'world is mine.' it was hectic but somehow came out sounding less trash than initially predicted.

lastly, it was his turn to sing with soraru. he'd have been lying if he were to say soraru didn't slightly intimidate him. either he couldn't tell if he had resting bitchface or if it was something more.

"don't worry mafu! soraru here is practically a singing god!"

"soraru? don't you mean osora?"

"fuck off!"

and that was when the obvious finally clicked. soraru was osora. how did he not realise that before? they both sounded exactly the same plus, he listened to osora's covers nearly all the time.

needless to say, he was trying his hardest not to 'fanboy' at this realisation.

"so, any thoughts on the song you wanna do?"

"e-eh? not really..."

smooth one, mafu.

soraru seemed unfazed by his awkward response, still scrolling through the song lists.

"remote control?"

"huh?"

"the jesusP song? do you want that one?"

"oh, sure!"

soraru gave him a questioning look (because he was being way too awkward) before moving towards their friends.

"oh, you're singing rin's parts."

"oh, ok."

he swore that he heard soraru chuckle at his deflated response but dismissed it. after all, soraru didn't seem malicious.

(for once, he wasn't having second thoughts about it.)

-

their duet could only be described as a hot mess.

the song was in the wrong key and their voices both sounded really different; it felt like two shitty solos.

nonetheless, the others still applauded them both, laughing at the attempt. soraru even patted him on the back, giving him an awkward smile as he complimented him.

"nice voice, rin."

"you're good too, osora."

"oh jesus, not you too."

the night ended with a drunken rendition of dixie flatline's song 'gemini' before they all said their goodbyes. the others he'd met that night all told him that they loved having him around and that they'd never heard soraru sing a vocaloid song so passionately at karaoke. soraru himself gave mafumafu a wonky smile before turning back to shout at his friends.

"did you enjoy that?"

saeran suddenly appeared behind him, look of hope in his eyes.

"i really did! your friends... they're nice."

saeran's smile could've lit up the darkness at that point.

"i'm so happy you're happy."

"thanks for inviting me."

the blonde flung his arms around mafumafu as he laughed.

everything felt alright, in that moment.

-

"so, thoughts on my gemini duet?"

"you ruined a perfectly good song."

"thanks osora ~ your duet partner was really good too."

"oh, mafumafu? he's... something."

"something?"

"i thought he was faking that high pitched voice at first... it was cute though."

"ooh, soraru, are you in love~?"

"die!"

☆

june 5, 2010.

the day everything came to an end, as he liked to call it.

it started off normal: he and ryouta hanging out (as they usually did) and talking about their week. ryouta chatted endlessly about his 'exciting' and 100% legal week. he was so nonchalant, gossiping about his classmates and his gang. honestly, mafumafu never felt more pure listening to him.

"so, your week?"

ryouta clearly sounded disinterested but he wasn't about to pass up the opportunity to rave about his karaoke night.

"i went to karaoke with saeran and his friends!"

well, that clearly peaked his interest, just not in a good way.

ryouta looked at him with a mixture of anger and disgust. he hated to admit it but he was seeing this look much often now.

"you went back out with him."

a statement. not a question.

"he invited me so i went..."

"i forgot you and him were best friends."

mafumafu finally had enough.

"could you stop acting so possessive for once? me and him aren't best friends!"

"but you cling to him like a desperate bitch."

"i hang around with him because he treats me like an actual friend, unlike you!"

he felt so triumphant for finally speaking his mind. even though the sick feeling in his stomach still lingered, standing up to ryouta without tears made him feel powerful. he was powerful!

at least, for a few seconds.

ryouta paused before laughing mockingly, eyes full of hatred and amusement.

"so... you still believe that. how idiotic can you be?"

"what do you mean?"

a chuckle.

"mafu, the only one who ever thought we were friends is you. the only reason i stayed with you was to gain your trust. you're so desperate, it was easy."

"huh?"

and that was when everything shattered.

ryouta's spiteful smile appeared again as he began shouting at mafumafu, all traces of kindness gone.

"didn't you hear me? i would never be friends with someone as useless as you. you're a snivelling crybaby who clings onto anything that shows him attention."

"that's not true..."

"there's no point in trying to lie. i know you even better than yourself."

all that determination and strength had left as he slumped to the floor defeatedly. he hadn't started crying yet but he knew it would only be a matter of time.

seeing mafumafu too lost to talk again, ryouta grinned devilishly, taunting him again.

"see what i mean? you're pathetic. why do you even bother?"

"..."

"you should stay shut up like that. it'd be better for everyone."

he kept his eyes rooted to the ground, watching tears now drop to the floorboards.

"crying again, huh. you expect me to pity you?"

"it's... it's not like that...!"

"hm, then what is it? is little mafu having a hard time? does he want his teddy bear?"

"i'm not a baby... or h-having a hard time..."

ryouta had began sniggering at this, looking down menacingly from his seat.

"you will be when your 'friend' realises how useless you are."

"i'm not useless!"

(he didn't believe in his own words then.)

"you're here crying like a little kid. nobody likes you, of course you're fucking useless!"

he caved in on himself, tears spilling freely and soundlessly. in one last attempt, he weakly tried to defend himself again.

"i'm n-not useless..."

big fucking mistake.

in a sudden movement, ryouta had moved from the chair to the ground next to mafumafu. violently, he yanked the other boy's arm, keeping a strong and painful grip on it as he pushed mafumafu's sleeve up. he would've tried to pull away if it wasn't for how defeated he was. fighting back was useless... just like him.

holding a pen he'd gotten from the table, ryouta began pressing down hard on mafumafu's skin, writing on his arm.

"see? now you'll never forget your place, useless rat."

when he was finished, ryouta simply left the house without saying anything more. mafumafu glimpsed over at the writing before sobbing even harder and audibly.

ryouta had left him broken and sobbing uncontrollably in his own living room. along with that, he'd left him with one big, black word tattooed on his arm.

'W O R T H L E S S'

the words were now etched onto his arm and forever etched into his brain.

-

the ebony haired boy fiddled around with his headset for a bit before stretching his arms up.

"soraru, hurry up!"

"you're so impatient lon, gosh-!"

"you paused, are you dying?"

he studied the new soulmate mark, frowning as he read it. the word 'worthless' had made its way on his arm and he just couldn't put it into context.

"hey, what do you think it means when your soulmate writes worthless on their arm?"

"eh? that's worrying... your soulmate is feeling down! you gotta encourage them!"

"why? my words won't change anything."

"of course they will, you robot!"

the blonde began humming over the Skype call. he thought about her advice before picking up a pen.

'don't give up.'

simple, yet meaningful words.

☆

june 15, 2010.

mafumafu sat atop his bed, watching a miscellaneous anime. he was so absorbed into it that he almost didn't see his brother come into his room, big smile on his face.

hajime had been smiling a lot recently. he and his soulmate, a bubbly girl named chiyoko, had recently met and practically fallen head over heels in love straight away. they were both matches. he envied it.

"mafu, stop whatever you're doing because i have an offer to make you!"

"...ok?"

he reluctantly paused his anime, shifting his attention to his brother.

"so, you know how i told you chiyoko had an older brother?"

"not really but go on."

"well, he owns a bar around half an hour away from here! chiyoko told me he's looking for help so i recommended my favourite brother!"

"you want me to work in a bar, of all places?"

"just as a waiter. you'll get paid and, plus, chiyoko's brother has already taken a liking to you. please do it?"

his brother pleaded with him, though there was a feeling behind that pleading he just couldn't recognise.

he probably shouldn't have accepted the offer; bars were his worst nightmares (he'd seen enough jdramas for this.) he was being handed this job on a plate though... rejecting it would be ungrateful. nervously, he nodded, feeling slightly guilty when his brother's smile widened.

"you won't regret it! you might even meet your soulmate there!"

ah, he almost forgot about that. nervously, he mustered up the courage to ask hajime the question that'd been weighing on his mind for so long.

"my soulmate... do you think they'll be a girl?"

"hm?"

"i'm just wondering... do you think they could be a boy or definitely a girl...?"

"it's all up to fate, i suppose. no matter what though, you'll still be my cute little brother! no boy or girl can take you that easily!"

"i'm 18! geez!"

he felt relieved. his brother wouldn't care if his soulmate was a boy and he doubted his parents would either.

he felt happy for a moment before that pain in his stomach returned, wiping the real smile on his face.

that was right. he didn't deserve to be happy or get his hopes up.

w o r t h l e s s .

☆

july 2, 2010.

he'd been working at the bar for a week now and things seemed to be going good.

his boss was nice and clearly resembled his little sister. his co-workers were polite to him as well, eager to help out the new young recruit. in his first week, he'd witnessed his first bar fight too, watching two grown men fight over football scores. it was pretty hectic but a funny story.

his job was giving people their drinks and cleaning the tables, simple enough.

it was late in the evening and people were soon to arrive. he'd been cleaning the tables when his boss suddenly waved him over.

"we're having a guest singing tonight so keep an eye out, ok?"

"sure!"

his boss patted him on the shoulder before going back to his previous task. he didn't think to much of what his boss had said, continuing with the tables again. he was so occupied with that (and secretly listening in on conversations) that he almost didn't see the person who walked through the door.

there he was, soraru in all his glory.

he walked into the bar, looking around awkwardly before spotting mafumafu. he waved, small smile on his face before making his way to the manager's room. he came back out a few minutes later, making his way over to mafumafu.

"hey, weird meeting you here."

"y-yeah. are you performing here?"

"yup. singing's a hobby of mine, i guess."

"oh, really?"

"i'm not amazingly talented but i enjoy it. i should probably start setting up now."

soraru waved off and left to the stage, leaving mafumafu to fanboy by himself right in the middle of the bar. soraru was here. he was here and, dear god, he was going to perform. distracting himself from the freaking out over soraru's mere existence, he went ahead and began actually doing his job of handing out drinks (just how many people wanted beer on a late night?)

it was as he served people when the lights finally dimmed and, alas, the stage light shon. soraru meekly waved at the crowd (of at least 20 people) and introduced himself. he then proceeded to pick up his guitar and start playing a song familiar to everyone: order made by radwimps.

mafumafu was in a trance when soraru sung. he listened to soraru's cover of this song loads of times but it was nothing compared to him singing it live. he looked so passionate singing; it made his heart race.

he sung 'me me she' next and mafumafu swore he could hear one of the ladies at the tables was sobbing at his voice. (he resisted the urge to pat her shoulder and just say "same.")

when he was finished, the bar erupted in applause. mafumafu could only stand awe, holding more admiration for soraru now. he left the stage, sitting in the corner of the bar.

mafumafu walked over to the bar, tapping one of his co-workers on the shoulder.

"hey, my shift is done now."

"ok, good work today mafu!"

he waved at his co-worker, readying to leave when he was motioned over by soraru. he joined the older man, confused as to why someone as cool as him would want to speak to someone like him.

"hey, finished your shift?"

"mhm!"

he sat opposite soraru and immediately, the both of them began chatting like friends did. they spoke about soraru's singing for a bit before getting on the topic of niconico and their likes. they'd been talking for so long that they didn't even notice the time go by.

"oh, i've got to go. last bus is in a few minutes."

"oh, ok."

"...do you want to exchange numbers? i really enjoyed talking to you so i'd like to be friends."

"yes! i mean, sure."

soraru put his number in mafumafu's phone before leaving the bar, giving him a genuinely kind smile. mafumafu felt his heart constrict at that, trying to suppress a smile.

it was hard though. things felt ok again.

...or they did until he heard that familiar sound of his text notifications.

(things never did go right for him.)

☆

august 26, 2010.

it was the summer and he had never felt more alive.

high school was officially over and finished for him. he no longer had to endure that hellish environment. his grades were good enough to go to university, of course, but he decided to treasure the freedom he currently had.

he had moved into his own apartment at the start of the month, earning money from his job at the bar. it was the same routine everyday and, even though it was lonely, he had become accustomed to it. whenever he became stressed or low, he always found solace in his soulmate's encouraging words of 'don't give up.'

they were special to him, those words.

he laid on his bed lazily, staring up at the ceiling and thinking when his phone buzzed. uneasiness was his initial feeling until he saw who the message was from.

~

from: soraru!

hey

how is life

~

he found himself laughing at soraru's awkwardness before messaging him back.

~

to: soraru!

life is pretty crappy

how are you??

~

soraru responded almost straight away, making him feel slightly less nervous because holy shit, he was messaging the soraru.

~

from: soraru!

im doing good, just bored

~

mafumafu didn't even register he was typing until he responded back.

~

to: soraru

i'm bored too! we should hang out!

do you want to come to my house?

~

he mentally kicked himself in the face because what kind of question was that? soraru probably thought he was a creep now. he slumped down in his bed, not expecting an answer, jolting up when his phone vibrated again.

~

from: soraru!

sure, idk where you live tho

im no stalker as you can tell

~

quickly (and totally not desperately) he texted soraru his address, the both of them agreeing for soraru to come over the next day. mafumafu almost had a damn heart attack after he realised what he agreed to.

soraru, the utaite, was coming over to his apartment.

he'd seen so many fangirls wishing to do anything just to meet the guy and now here he was, having him come over. surely, he didn't deserve to do something this good? soraru would probably come over and find him boring and desperate, like everyone else.

desperately, he tried to repress that thought because no. he wasn't going to ruin this for himself. he wouldn't ruin this for himself.

...but perhaps the sudden text he'd received would.

~

from: ryouta

nobody will ever like you

just reminding you :)

~

he should've blocked him because this wasn't going to stop but a part of him wanted to believe that they could make up one day. that wasn't going to happen anytime soon though.

and, with that, the feeling of worthlessness came back.

-

hearing the knock on the door, mafumafu rushed to open it. soraru stood there looking slightly exhausted but smiling.

"soraru! come in!"

"why are there so much stairs, god."

mafumafu laughed at that and soraru shot him a lopsided smile. his heartbeat increased at that and he prayed that soraru wouldn't notice how weird he was being. soraru's look didn't change (thank god) as he started speaking again.

"so, how are things?"

-

he and soraru had been talking for around 20 minutes before soraru's eyes began to wander to something leaning against the wall.

"you play guitar?"

mafumafu spun around and realised he had left his guitar on the floor, just laying there abandoned. that definitely painted him in a good light. chuckling softly, he looked back at soraru.

"well, it's not just there for aesthetic."

"can you play for me? you know... if you want."

"o-oh, sure! i can try!"

obviously not expecting this, mafumafu picked up his guitar, quickly trying to think of a song to play. there were no songs he could think of so he panicked and played one of his own. strumming the strings passionately, he unconsciously began singing.

"if i can stay by your side forever

i should be able to throw away the meaning of these tears, shouldn't i?

i still can't lose the feeling that my shape is changing.

a silent promise, daybreak of goodbye..."

when he finished, he noted soraru looking at him in awe. he put down the guitar and went red.

"sorry, i got carried away..."

"no, it's nothing like that! it's just... you're really good."

what?

now it was his turn to stare at soraru in awe because he definitely wasn't good at music. it was the one thing he was passionate in but he definitely wasn't as good as he wished he was.

"thanks... y-you don't have to say things like that."

"why not? you're really talented. that's your own song, right?"

"...yeah."

"exactly. it sounded really good! your voice too. it's soft..."

he awkwardly looked into space, avoiding soraru's eye contact because holy fuck, did he have a gigantic blush on his face.

he wasn't sure what to say to that, mumbling a small 'thank you' before mentally kicking himself for being so embarrassed. well, he tried anyway. soraru had begun speaking again.

"you should consider becoming an utaite, you know. unique voice."

he couldn't stop himself from going red then, not being used to getting complimented.

"you... you really mean that?"

"yeah, seriously."

"t-thanks..."

it was silly to think someone like him could even try and upload covers but... he wanted to believe.

☆

june 21, 2011.

nervously, he pressed the 'upload' button. he had finally done it, he was uploading his first cover onto niconico. it was of 'mozaik role' as he honestly loved the song.

to be honest, he sort of hoped his upload would be drowned out by other ones, for he had no confidence in his voice. that and he wasn't too sure about how his screamo moments would go down with others.

there was no point worrying now though; he'd uploaded it.

he picked up his phone, ignoring how much his hands were shaking as he texted soraru, informing him about the new upload. he sheepishly attached a link (shameless self promotion) and received a response pretty quickly.

~

from: soraru!

you're really good, nice screamo too

i'll retweet it brb ╰(*´︶`*)╯

~

he couldn't help smiling at soraru's use of emoticons because who knew the guy had it in him?

suddenly, he was receiving a phone call from him.

"hello?"

"hey. sorry for phoning you randomly, just wanted to talk to you."

he suppressed a giggle at how awkward soraru sounded, responding happily.

"did you really like it? my cover?"

"of course i did. you're really good."

he tried to hide his blush before remembering that soraru couldn't see him over the phone.

"thanks! um... what are you doing?"

he deserved a pat on the back for his
conversation skills, honestly.

"nothing really. i hoped talking to you would unbore me."

"oh, why don't you come here? we can play kirby together!"

kirby was always hard to resist, so he prayed soraru would agree. at the mention of kirby though, soraru obviously went quiet.

"...kirby?"

"yeah...? um... i have other games if you don't like that..."

"oh, it's not that. it's just... no. nevermind. i'll be there in a bit."

soraru hung up and mafumafu was left both overjoyed because he of all people was seeing soraru again but also... he felt confused.

maybe soraru just held some sort of resentment to kirby. that would explain his odd reply.

☆

september 29, 2011.

overtime, mafumafu had begun uploading covers and gradually building up a following. it was scary at first but people legitimately enjoyed hearing him (and, of course, his screaming.)

he logged onto twitter one day, proudly looking at people mentioning him when he noticed he received a message. curiously, he opened it up.

~

[@_amatsuki_]

hi! my name's amatsuki! i'm an aspiring utaite as well ~

your voice is really cool and so are you
(ı v ı) do you wanna be friends?

~

he looked over the message in pure confusion. he was seriously asking to be his friend.

curiosity took over him as he began looking at amatsuki's twitter. the other boy was only a few months older than him and he seemed pretty kind. obviously, he could never be sure if he had good intentions or not but still, amatsuki did seem to be honest.

he hesitated before responding back, thumb hovering over the keypad.

he wanted to be friends with him, he really did, but he didn't know what to say. that familiar voice at the back of his head was screaming at him again, telling him he didn't deserve to make new friends. it hurt to think that but he couldn't help it.

he couldn't forget them either, not when he'd been told for so many years.

the message was still unanswered and amatsuki was probably waiting for a response. he didn't want to let down someone who appeared so kind... even if the 'friendship' didn't last, at least he could say he tried.

hesitantly, he responded back.

~

[@uni_mafumafu]

hi! thanks, your voice is cool too.

i'd like to be friends, if that's ok.

~

he threw his phone onto his bed, already panicked about his response. amatsuki seemed to be a nice person and he'd been a somewhat well known utaite for around a year, what on earth did he want with mafumafu?

head buried in his hands, mafumafu sighed.

that moment was short lived, of course, as his phone buzzed.

~

[@_amatsuki_]

i was so scared you were going to reject me www

thank you! (o･ω･o) i'll make sure to talk to you a lot, this friendship is gonna last!

~

he chuckled at that, for this amatsuki person was actually quite sweet.

he drew a small moon on his arm in a yellow pen that was lying around. he wanted his soulmate to know, even though they probably had no clue about it. that didn't change how he felt though.

maybe this friendship thing wouldn't be too bad after all.

☆

december 1, 2011.

3 months later, he had finally agreed to meet up with amatsuki for the first time. he was terrified, obviously, even though he'd talked non-stop with him. the fear that amatsuki would take one look at him and laugh still lingered. maybe the other boy wouldn't even be there?

shaking those thoughts out of his head, he had arrived at the café he and amatsuki had agreed to meet at.

he walked in, immediately scanning the café looking for amatsuki. everyone seemed to absorbed in their conversations, not noticing mafumafu.

all but one.

a brunette sitting in the corner who looked to be around his age. he was watching him intensely, catching his gaze. as soon as they locked eyes, the boy smiled happily before beckoning him over.

was this boy amatsuki?

he looked like he'd imagined, just more... ikemen. how the hell was he going to compete with him?

making his way over, amatsuki cheerfully greeted him.

"hey! you're definitely mafumafu, right?"

"yeah! you're amatsuki?"

"the one and only!"

his nerves settled as he found out amatsuki had already bought him a drink (it was his favourite and he already knew this man was going to be a true ikemen.)

he found himself smiling along with the other boy as well, not regretting doing this at all anymore.

-

he and amatsuki had been in the café for at least half an hour, chatting away. he'd found out that music was a big passion of amatsuki's and that he'd began uploading covers because he'd seen other utaites. amatsuki was pretty shy himself at first but did a much better job at hiding it.

they'd been talking for a while when amatsuki brought up other utaites.

"have you met any other utaites?"

"oh, only soraru..."

"soraru, huh? i'm surprised, he never likes meeting people."

mafumafu looked over at him in curiousity.

"you've met soraru?"

"yeah, we both met whilst we were performing in the same place."

"ah..."

amatsuki gave him a questioning look, not really understanding his response, before talking again.

"soraru's pretty unique though. i've never met someone so tsundere!"

"he is really tsundere..."

"yeah, but he really does care. the more tsundere he is with you, the more he cares!"

mafumafu found himself laughing at that, prompting amatsuki to talk about the others utaites he knew.

"have you heard of itou kashitaro? he's a friend of mine and an utaite. i find myself crying at his talent at least once a day."

"hmm... i think i've heard of him."

"i'll be sure to introduce you both! i doubt you've heard of uratanuki or shounenT then."

"no... i'm sorry..."

amatsuki put his hands up in defence, looking slightly guilty.

"you don't need to apologise! i've only recently met them both as well. uratan's a bit odd sometimes but he's hilarious. shounenT is funny as well, his talent intimidates me though."

he giggled at this, fiddling with his straw. amatsuki looked at him surprised for a second before giggling as well.

"you know, mofumofu, i think we're gonna be good friends. best friends even."

"you've already nicknamed me so i guess so."

"nicknames are my specialty."

they both talked for a little bit more before both realising it was late.

"ah, i should get back. i have to go back to being an adult."

"i guess i should too."

"we should do this again! you're so easy to talk to mofu! i'd like it if we could be even better friends..."

"oh, i'd like that too!"

he felt slightly flustered at that, waving off to amatsuki sheepishly. he was scared of meeting him at first but it all ended well!

maybe it could remain that way?

☆

march 5, 2012.

he had no idea where his life was heading at this point.

true to his word, amatsuki had introduced him to kashitaro and shounenT (tomohisa, as he preferred to be called.) just as he said, both were extremely talented and he truly couldn't believe he was meeting such amazing people.

he'd also met kony and hashiyan who were both talented too. kony was one of the most endearing and random people he'd ever met whilst hashiyan was one of the most amusing. these people, along with soraru, were people he could call his friends.

of course, life was still being unkind.

after school ended, he thought the ryouta situation was going to stop. he hoped the other boy would be but a distant (and painful) memory. he had prayed so hard and yet, even without seeing him at all, ryouta was still able to make his life a living hell as he did in school.

ryouta would still text him, calling him whatever he knew would hinder mafumafu's self confidence. he made it a point to make him feel inadequate everyday, like he got a kick out of knowing he was hurt. both knew mafumafu didn't have it in him to block ryouta either because a part of him still latched on to those good memories they had. sure, they were fake, but his heart just wouldn't accept it.

his soulmate was also still out there somewhere and that bothered him to no end. he was 20 and yet he still hadn't found his soulmate. his brother was already living with his, for god's sake! it felt silly dwelling on it but he didn't know what else to do...

he really was the odd one out in this world, he thought bitterly.

he stared at nothing in particular, only thinking about the negatives in his life. the more he tried to stop, the more they came. he had almost completely zoned out when a voice finally brought him back.

"hey, are you ok? you're staring off into space."

soraru was staring at him in concern and he felt like a complete dick because who the hell invites someone over and just stares into space? soraru's face was anything but annoyed though and mafumafu didn't know what to do.

that's right, you can't worry him.

you don't deserve to be worried about.

plastering on the usual fake, innocent smile, mafumafu responded in a sing-songy voice.

"i'm fine~"

he turned away from soraru because the fact he was lying to him didn't set right at all.

(by turning, he missed the look of pure disbelief on soraru's face because like hell was he believing that.)

and, both sat in quite uncomfortable silence.

☆

may 16, 2012.

he'd finally met even more utaites overtime!

amatsuki was a 'man with contacts,' as kashitaro put it, meaning he knew a lot of utaites. he made it a point to introduce them to mafumafu, making sure they would all feel comfortable around each other.

he'd met the bubbly kuroneko who was somehow the only girl he'd ever felt comfortable around. she was loud but in a fun way. he liked that.

thanks to amatsuki, he'd also met the 'legend' uratanuki (his words, not mafumafu's.) urata was a short guy but he had a big mouth; it was kinda funny. he and mafumafu hit it off immediately, sharing an interest in nintendo and anime. urata was a patient person as well, not highlighting how awkward and shy mafumafu was at first.

he'd also met people like nero, clear and underbar (a true legend, surely.)

all of them were great! he still couldn't believe he was meeting them!

...though, he had to wonder, what did they think of him?

he was probably just worrying irrationally, sure, but he just couldn't shake the idea that they all found him annoying. throughout his life people had found him annoying, even his mere presence annoyed people. it was silly to be worrying about it at a time like this but it still stuck with him.

he sighed, eyes drifting to his guitar. he picked it up, strumming a few chords and letting a small smile drift onto his face. it was cliché, writing songs when you're feeling sad, but he loved it. music was the one thing that let him truly let out all his feelings: all that sadness and insecurity could be conveyed into a song and that mesmerised him.

he played, letting out his feelings of happiness, sadness and fear.

the fear made his stomach turn somewhat.

he loathed going outside. every time he did, he felt so out of place and he could swear the people passing by were all laughing at him behind their face masks.

he looked out the window, anxiety filling his mind as he watched the rustling crowds of people. there were so many and, even though they were probably preoccupied, he could still feel their eyes on him.

in an act of desperation (and a reminder for his future self) he nervously scrawled out the warning, 'don't leave house' before drifting off into sleep.

-

"sorarun, sit down!!"

"just let me take my coat off! be patient!"

...

"oh, your soulmate mark is showing! lemme see!"

"don't leave home..."

"well, looks like your soulmate is a hikikomori."

"actually fuck off suzumu."

nonetheless, that didn't stop the awkward ebony haired boy secretly writing an encouraging message of 'don't give up,' hoping his soulmate would find some humour in his usual but heartfelt message.

(unfortunately, mafumafu would never see it.)

☆

 july 7, 2012.

mafumafu slumped down on soraru's sofa, sighing over dramatically. the both of them had been playing mario kart for a few hours and were getting intensely into it. mafumafu sucked at mario kart, he knew that, but he beat soraru once and he was adamant he could do it again. sure, he had to use... certain tactics (hitting his controller out of his hand wasn't cheating and he stood by that) but he was confident he could do it again.

after being beaten by soraru at rainbow road for the hundredth time, mafumafu was tired. waiting until after soraru got up to get them drinks, mafumafu got his phone and began mindlessly scrolling through it. he went through the usual messages, amatsuki ranting about anime and his brother inquiring about his love life. reading the other messages, he immediately excused himself, ignoring soraru's concerned look.

soraru stood confused as mafumafu rushed into his bathroom, white as a ghost, and holy fuck, was he throwing up?

cautiously, he picked up mafumafu's phone. the other boy seemed to be doing just fine before, clearly he'd something that upset him but what? if mafumafu came in and saw him, he'd probably feel even worse but that didn't matter.

he couldn't pinpoint the reason why, but he felt much more worried about the other boy than he'd ever felt before.

he unlocked his phone and was immediately presented with the line app. he scrolled through messages from amatsuki and co before finally reaching what he'd been looking for: a message from someone called... ryouta?

~

from: ryouta

remember when you squealed like a piggy for us mafuchan?

that's all you are, a pathetic piggy.

~

his face distorted into one of disgust as he read the past messages this person had sent and, of course, the ones like it. how long had mafumafu been dealing with this burden alone? why didn't he say anything?

"s-soraru..."

mafumafu stood in the doorway, face pale and starting to tear up.

"...how long has this been going on?"

"...a while. really, it's fine! it doesn't bother me."

"bullshit. you're about to cry."

he subconsciously looked down, mumbling his quiet response,

"it's ok. i'm used to it."

soraru's gaze immediately softened as he walked over to mafumafu, wiping away his tears sloppily with his sleeves. it was obvious that he wasn't good at comforting others but the fact he was trying made him feel slightly better.

"you...you shouldn't be used to this."

"i-it's fine..!"

"it's not! ...please, don't give up mafu..."

mafumafu's eyes widened at the familiar words before he finally broke down, sobbing and repeating 'sorry' like it was a mantra. soraru seemed shocked, awkwardly pulling him into a hug.

"i-i'm sorry, i r-really won't let it happen a-again!"

soraru said nothing, too afraid to say the wrong thing. the both of them remained in the hug for a while, letting the sounds of mafumafu's wracked sobbing fill the room.

☆

february 16, 2013.

mafumafu strummed his guitar lazily. he'd been gaining a lot of popularity on niconico and he was more than thankful but thinking of new songs to sing or write was exhausting.

ever since his 'breakdown' in front of soraru, he'd moved houses into a much safer apartment which just happened to be close to amatsuki's apartment. leaving his old place meant leaving memories behind and it still took his toll on him. leaving the house was out of the question.

he put his guitar down, frustrated that no idea were coming out. instead, he opted to check his phone because maybe looking around might give him some inspiration? before he could check, his phone began buzzing as usual. he had the usual messages from amatsuki and urata, a few from akatin (he seriously questioned his sanity.) he scrolled through his messages until the usual one from ryouta and what he could only assume were his friends messaging him.

the message was so long that his phone wasn't showing him the full text, the only words he was shown were 'i can't believe you're still alive. if i was you i would've...'

he felt sick to his stomach, not opening the rest of the message. instead, with a shaking hand, he pressed the name of the last contact he'd phoned and prayed they would pick up.

...

"hello?"

"soraru? a-are... you busy? i just need someone to talk to..."

somehow, without noticing it, he'd began crying again. (such a crybaby, mafuchan.)

"...hold on. i'll be there in a bit."

"eh? i just want to talk, you live like... an hour away!"

"does it sound like i give a shit? you're upset, so i'm coming over."

soraru hung up after saying that, leaving mafumafu awkwardly sitting there. surely, soraru wasn't going to travel an hour just to see him.

(he didn't deserve that, after all.)

he thought that but an hour later, when soraru showed up at his door with games and snacks, those sad thoughts were forgotten for a while.

soraru was truly a great person, he was sure of that now.

☆

december 4, 2013.

both boys had been fooling around with the guitar, listening to each other play and sing. mafumafu could only sit in awe as soraru sung, voice like that of an angel piercing the heavens. he made it a point to applaud as loudly and as enthusiastically as he could because he wanted to make sure soraru knew how good he was.

after an hour or so, after both boys had finished laughing with each other, soraru finally spoke up. he was still smiling warmly but there seemed to be something nervous behind that smile.

"mafumafu?"

"mhm?"

"so... you released an album before, right?"

he blinked, confused as to why soraru would be asking that.

"i released meikyoushisui and yumeiro signal... why do you ask?"

"you're releasing another one at the end of the month though, right?"

"setsunairo syndrome...? i am... but why are you asking me all this?"

soraru broke eye contact with the floor and finally faced mafumafu. he looked so much more awkward than usual... wow.

"i'm just wondering... how would you feel about a joined album together? you don't have to agree if you don't want to but-"

"yes."

the words were out of his mouth before he was even able to register them. soraru looked at him shocked before his usual heartfelt smile swept across his face.

"you really mean it? i mean... i don't want you to say yes and then regret it..."

he'd never seen soraru so worried, it was sorta sweet. he relaxed, before responding back.

"i want to do it, i mean it. i'm confused as to why you picked me but... i'd love to do it."

"i picked you because we're friends, silly. your talent as well... it's unique."

he bit his cheek at that but smiled nonetheless.

"do you have any ideas about what we'll do for the album?"

"well, we'd need a theme. i already have a friend who can help us out with all the official stuff so that's sorted."

"and the songs?"

"we'll create them together. your talent to create music is amazing, y'know?"

"i guess so."

he propped himself up onto his knees, intently listening to soraru speak. he could get lost in that voice every time.

"as for the theme... promise me you won't laugh?"

"i promise, what is it?"

"you see, i've always wanted to do an RPG related album."

"you dragon quest fanboy."

soraru laughed at this, not even able to deny the accusation. mafumafu chuckled too before excusing himself to use the bathroom.

soraru sat there awaiting the younger boy to come back when he heard mafumafu's phone notification go off. curiously, he looked over at where mafumafu left his phone on the sofa. he was never one to pry on his friends' personal business, honestly not giving a shit half the time but, for some reason, this felt different.

he reached over to mafumafu's phone, subtly checking who had texted him and immediately wanted to throw up. the contact name was 'ryouta' and upon reading the text, the only word soraru read was 'useless' before he deleted the text. he was more than angry, not at mafumafu but at this 'ryouta' person.

mafumafu had come back with the usual bright grin on his face.

"ok! let's plan this album out!"

mafumafu was too preoccupied with talking animatedly to notice the look of sadness on soraru's face.

-

subtlety, he'd asked the younger boy where he'd grown up. he'd given him a confused look but replied nonetheless.

"yokohama, why?"

"just curious."

as soon as he exited the apartment, he'd written the city on his arm, head set on helping this boy.

no matter what it took.

☆

january 7, 2014.

it was a cold winter's day when soraru suddenly called mafumafu out, asking him to accompany him somewhere. he refused to tell mafumafu where but he agreed anyway, content soraru wasn't going to take him somewhere horrifying.

they both took the train early in the morning and it seemed to take ages to arrive to their destination, so long that mafumafu had long stopped trying to figure out where they were going.

"ah, we're here."

soraru led mafumafu out the train, not looking back at him. mafumafu took in the surroundings and instantly was overcome with... nostalgia?

he looked around at the sights and the bustling people before his eyes finally set on the huge sign straight ahead.

'WELCOME TO YOKOHAMA' it read.

"soraru? w-why are we here?"

soraru didn't give him a response, nor did he turn towards the boy. he continued walking, leading mafumafu with him. in another case, mafumafu would've ran back to the train, desperate to get out of this place because he'd been running away from it for so so long but this was soraru and, even though he didn't know soraru as well as others did, he knew that the ebony haired man wouldn't do anything to hurt him.

they walked together for a few minutes and mafumafu saw so many things and places he'd repressed. it made him feel physically ill just thinking about what this place did to him growing up but, nonetheless, he didn't release his hold on soraru's hand.

a little bit further, they finally reached the street mafumafu's junior high used to be. soraru dragged him in the direction of a small, plain house that was oh so familiar to mafumafu. preparing to turn away and run, mafumafu began letting go of soraru's hand. soraru sensing this let go before him, turning around and giving him a comforting look. he then turned back and rung the doorbell.

this wasn't happening, right?

any moment now, he'd wake up in his apartment alone and unafraid.

that was instantly shattered as the door opened and out stepped a tall brunette, look full of shock and confusion. the brunette looked different physically but that look was unmistakable.

"...you're ryouta, right?"

ryouta's posture stiffened somewhat when soraru addressed him, not bothering to force on a grin. soraru didn't sound happy in the slightest; it actually scared mafumafu.

"i am... hello mafu."

mafumafu diverted his eyes down, not wanting to look ryouta in the eyes because the more he did, the more he wanted to just crumple on the floor and cry. he didn't even bother responding and, thankfully, soraru spoke anyway.

"so you're the one harassing mafumafu."

ryouta unconsciously stepped back, clearly scared of soraru's tone.

"...why are you here?"

"i'm here to tell you to fuck off and leave him alone."

even mafumafu flinched at soraru's tone then, not expecting him to be so angry about this. he had no reason to be angry, he deserved this.

"i-"

"no, you listen to me. don't do anything to hurt mafumafu again or i will be back and i won't be as civil next time, you got that?"

"y-yes... i'm sorry mafumafu."

and with that, soraru proceeded to take hold of mafumafu arm again and walk away. ryouta hesitated briefly before closing his door.

as they headed back to the train station, mafumafu finally broke the silence by speaking more weakly than soraru had hesrd him speak before.

"...why?"

"hm?"

soraru stopped walking, finally facing mafumafu.

"why did you do this?"

"because i had enough."

the answer was so simple and yet, mafumafu didn't understand.

"enough of what...?"

"of him treating you like he did. you don't deserve to feel like that."

mafumafu found himself tearing up at that, prompting soraru to continue talking.

"i- shit. i'm not good with words ok but i need you to trust me here. i don't want you getting hurt like that again. i'll stay by your side, y'know? i really don't want you to feel less than you are."

there was a brief silence because mafumafu had no fucking clue how to respond to that and hot tears were already spilling down his cheeks. he wasn't able to form the words he wanted to say; they were stuck in his throat.

soraru realised this and turned around, not wanting mafumafu to feel embarrassed that he was crying (again) and equally not wanting the other boy to see how red his face had gotten at that speech.

"let's just head back."

mafumafu tightened his hold on soraru's hand, relaxing slightly at his words. soraru was really something.

he couldn't help but resent his soulmate slightly for not being able to know how caring he really was.

☆

april 28, 2014

for the first time in his life, things were finally going his way.

he and soraru had released their album and were overwhelmed by the positive feedback. both had little to no experience in making an album with their own resources but the album had turned out better than they both expected. the hardest part of it was probably convincing soraru to sing super nuko world.

since the incident at the start of the year, he and soraru had gotten so much more closer. soraru acted as his alarm clock, phoning him most mornings and making sure he wasn't overworking himself.

ryouta had stopped bothering him as well. since being confronted, the texts stopped coming and eventually, mafumafu finally found the courage to block his number. it really felt like a weight off his shoulders. along with that, other people he once knew began texting him as well.

he found that this whole time, ryouta had been poisoning people against him. those other kids never had it out for him, they were just following orders from said manipulative boy. even tetsuya had gotten back in contact with him, sending him a long, emotional paragraph apologising for everything. he couldn't help tearing up at it. everything was going well.

he really did owe it all to soraru.

soraru had stuck to his promise of staying by his side. no matter how much he knew he didn't deserve this, soraru wouldn't let him be lonely.

he leaned over and grabbed the nearest pen. in a fit of happiness, he doodled kirby on his arm. his odd habit of drawing on his arm had resurfaced and everytime something remotely good happened to him, he would draw on his arm. he hoped his soulmate wasn't annoyed by it.

as he finished drawing, the smile on his face refused to go.

-

pulling up his sleeves, the ebony haired boy noticed the new drawing on his arm.

it instantly reminded him off a certain brunette boy.

the chances of them being each others soulmates was extremely unlikely but either way, he couldn't help but yearn for someone as amazing as him.

☆

september 3, 2014.

here he was, performing for the first time.

the ETA lights shone brightly all around and he was only beginning to realise what he was about to do.

truth be told, soraru was the one who convinced him to do this. he'd never performed live before due to being too scared in front of people and his shitty physical health. soraru had assured him that everything would be fine and that he would be great. the older boy then left him alone, having to go and talk to suzumu.

mafumafu awkwardly stood there alone, not paying much attention until his voice was suddenly called.

"mafumafu? is that you?"

the source of the call came from a short brunette boy, looking at him with bright eyes. mafumafu had never met him before but, for some reason, he seemed familiar...

"um... yes?"

"it's me, urata! i can't believe i'm meeting you like this!"

he looked over the boy again before finally realising that he did, in fact, look like his avatar. he'd spoken to urata a lot on twitter and line but they'd never met in the flesh; this was like some sort of dream come true.

urata and him hit it off straight away and, shortly after, urata introduced him to two other utaites. an enthusiastic redhead called sakata and a tall (but equally awkward) boy named luz. conversation seemed to come so easily to all of them and mafumafu wasn't feeling so afraid anymore.

when it was becoming time for him to get on stage, he was met with another utaite who had just left the stage. she saw him and began waving, happily introducing herself as matsushita. she seemed to be friendly and talkative, also being able to see how nervous mafumafu was. she patted him on the back comfortingly, grinning brightly as she turned to leave.

"you'll be fine mafusan! as soon as you start singing, it gets less scary!"

as she left, mafumafu was hurried by ETA staff. the announcer began introducing him and the crowd screaming, chanting his name like he was some sort of hero.

"saitama, are you ready?"

the cheers became louder and louder, voiced mingling together.

"put your hands together for... mafumafu!!"

he took a deep breath.

he stepped out onto stage, newfound confidence taking over.

it was going to be ok. he could do this.

-

he came off the stage speechless.

the crowd had been enthusiastically cheering his name (his name, of all names!) and applauding loudly. he sung his heart out, bellowing out those songs he'd previously only sung alone in his room.

all that fear escaped him as he sung the first song, confidence taking over him.

as he left the stage, wiping his sweat away with the towel, he was suddenly enveloped into a hug.

"eh..? soraru?"

"you did great."

those words alone made him smile bigger than ever before, face still going red as he relaxed into soraru's hold.

"...yeah. i did."

"i always knew you would."

maybe it was soraru telling him those words or the older man's breath against his ear but mafumafu's face lit up even more, the butterflies in his stomach returning. he wrapped his arms behind soraru, melting into the hug again. he'd already realised what was going on with his feelings but didn't want to spoil such a great moment.

even without falling for soraru, mafumafu long knew he was fucked for becoming so attached.

☆

august 20, 2015.

his activities as an utaite were going perfectly.

he now had three albums out and had just released one with soraru: prerhythm arc. his relationship with soraru had progressed so much and he was more than thankful that the other boy didn't take notice of those moments where he stared at him for a little longer than usual, or when he purposely dragged on the conversation for he knew he could listen to soraru's breathy laugh and voice all day.

his mood had gradually been getting better as well. somedays, he felt like complete shit but other days, he felt like a god; he didn't really understand himself anymore. on those days he felt like nothing, his friends were quick to take action by distracting him with happier things. soraru, amatsuki, luz and urata were the best at doing that, just knowing what to say to him to lift his spirits.

did he deserve their kindness? probably not. still, he wouldn't trade it for the world.

and here he was, sitting with urata in a gochiusa café (urata had no problem divulging in his anime taste, thankfully.) both had talked for a while about various things, sipping their matching strawberry milkshakes when urata had casually brought up the topic of soulmates.

"so mafu, have you met your soulmate?"

urata was positioned up with his elbows with that familiar gleam in his eye. his mischievous grin spoke volumes. nervous and embarrassed, mafumafu unconsciously fiddled with his sweater sleeve.

"no, i haven't..."

it felt kind of humiliating to say considering that, at the age of 23, he hadn't found his soulmate. his brother had found his ages ago and already had two younger kids with her. it honestly made him feel old, being such a young uncle.

"ah, i see."

"have you met your soulmate, urasan?"

"as a matter of fact, i have!"

the shorter male declared this triumphantly, pulling a heroic pose. mafumafu giggled, insisting he tell him about his soulmate.

"would you believe me if i told you that you knew them?"

"eh?"

he thought about it; had he met anyone urata seemed extremely chummy with? the only girls he'd ever seen the older man talk to were kuroneko and hiiragi yuka, though neither of those seemed compatible with his soulmate. seeing how hard mafumafu was finding it to figure it out, urata sighed heavily.

"it's sakata, you idiot."

"sakata? seriously?"

in hindsight, it was kind of obvious.

"yep. we met back in 2009."

"so old..."

"shut up, you brat!"

urata hit him playfully before continuing.

"to be honest, i didn't plan on meeting him so soon. i didn't even know my soulmate was going to be a guy."

he took a deep breath before chuckling to himself.

"sakata... that idiot. he travelled across japan just to find me. it was pretty confusing y'know, having a boy 2 years younger suddenly tell you that you're his 'fate.'

"how did he find you though?"

"i had written down the name of a virtually unknown shop on my arm, just to remind myself where to go and all. next thing i knew, i'd found the one for me. or... he found me."

mafumafu smiled warmly, ecstatic that two of his friends had found love with each other. he took another sip from his drink before urata began asking him questions again.

"so, this soulmate of yours, tell me about them."

"uh, they're really kind i guess? really forgetful as well."

"seems like a keeper."

urata began resting his hands on his chin, propping himself back up with his elbows.

"what do you want your soulmate to be like?"

"eh?"

"i won't judge you, i'm just curious."

"well... i guess i want them to understand me. i don't want them to get tired of me either... maybe someone to balance out my personality..."

"is that all?"

"i'd want them to have a similar sense of humour to me as well. having someone that could sing would be good as well, i think."

it was now urata's turn to give mafumafu a warm smile except, his seemed to be laced with something he couldn't identify. something...knowing.

"you don't know anyone like that?"

"mhm... i don't think so?"

urata's smile grew fonder as chuckled again.

"i'm sure you'll find them soon. hell, maybe you've already met them!"

"w-what do you mean by that?"

"i'll leave it up to your pretty little imagination, mafu."

urata only confused him more as he tried to piece his words together. he can't have met his soulmate already, they would've both known, surely.

all he could really do was wait for his soulmate to come and find him already.

☆

august 30, 2015.

since learning that urata and sakata were both each others soulmates, he began to find out that they weren't the only ones.

at the back of his mind, he always knew that amatsuki and kashitaro had some sort of connection. the both of them seemed to have such similar personalities. that, and he saw the amount of times their hands would 'accidentally' brush whilst reaching for the same thing. amatsuki confessed that they had both known for a while but it was only now that they were starting to behave like soulmates.

he wasn't the only one of his friends either. luz had tried to be cryptic with his soulmate, attempting to get mafumafu to guess. any chance of that had been ruined when ikasan had lazily told him, "oh, it's kain." he watched on in both shock and amusement as luz began hitting her with the nearest item to him (a rolled up newspaper.)

meanwhile, here he was without a soulmate. a part of him couldn't help worrying again. what if his soulmate wouldn't like him? what if they died before he could find them? it wasn't likely he'd find someone else.

he trusted soraru a lot so he made the decision to ask him. soraru laughed awkwardly, his response shocking mafumafu.

"i haven't met my soulmate yet."

he stared at him stunned. soraru had never mentioned a soulmate, granted, but he always thought that soraru would somehow have found his soulmate pretty quickly. to be honest, he used to be convinced that lon was his soulmate, breathing in a short sigh of relief when soraru talked about her like she was his little sister. it was sweet.

seeing his reaction, soraru chose to laugh bitterly and crack a small smile.

"i guess love just hasn't caught up to us both yet."

"i guess not."

"it'll be ok. if our soulmates don't find us then we can just be alone together. that'd be nice."

mafumafu laughed wholeheartedly at that, making soraru smile properly in the process.

he was joking, of course, but living the rest of his life with soraru wouldn't be bad.

he felt a bit wrong praying for such a thing.

☆

september 12, 2015.

he was performing at xyz for the first time and he was more nervous than he'd ever felt before. xyz concerts were on a much larger scale than the eta concerts; he would have to perform more songs to much more people. soraru was there as well, though he'd wandered off god knows where and mafumafu couldn't be bothered to follow.

as he looked around backstage, he peaked and saw a brunette boy, looking equally scared as him. he looked extremely younger than everyone else and mafumafu couldn't say he'd ever met the boy before. noticing how anxious he must've been, he knew this was probably one of his first concerts too.

that was when he suddenly realised who this boy was and made his way over to him.

"hi! um, you're sou, right?"

sou was momentarily stunned when he was called, eyes brightening when he saw the source of the voice.

"i am! i didn't think anyone would recognise me..."

"i'm mafumafu, we've spoken on twitter and line before but i guess we've never properly met."

"i guess not, i'm really happy to finally meet someone though!"

talking to sou was a lot easier than he thought it would be, the younger boy intently listening to what he had to say. he was somewhat jealous too, that someone as young as him could have such a refreshing voice.

they spoke for a bit until staff needed to borrow sou. the both of them said their goodbyes and parted.

as he waited backstage, other utaites he knew came over to him. kradness greeted him cheerfully, telling him that he was obviously going to do well. naruse also came over to him, the both of them talking about games above all things since the both of them were clearly scared of performing here.

"mafumafu! hey!"

mafumafu turned around and saw luz bounding towards him ("holy shit, has he gotten taller...?") luz threw his arm around mafumafu's shoulder and began reassuring him about the concert.

"trust me, you're gonna be fine! you're exceptional."

"is it really that obvious i'm scared?"

"you're shaking boo, of course it is."

before mafumafu could attempt to retort back, a staff member made their way over to them both.

"mafumafu, you're on stage in 5."

all words were lost in his throat at that, nerves creeping back. luz patted his shoulder and shot him an honest grin.

"we're all cheering for you. go out there and be you."

he returned the comment with a bright grin, suddenly full of confidence. he could do this. no matter what, everyone was cheering for him. luz, kradness, naruse, sou...

and soraru.

he grabbed the mic and waved luz off. the stage was calling his name.

in the back of his head, he relayed the familiar words of his soulmate, "don't give up!"

he wouldn't let any of them down.

-

"welcome back."

mafumafu entered the dressing room completely exhausted from the performance. he had no reason to be scared in the first place; the crowd screamed his name loudly and confidently and he'd never felt more proud of himself.

soraru sat on one of the chairs in the room, fiddling with his phone. he'd just gotten off stage as well, clearly, judging by how much it looked like he wanted to just flop on the floor. the both of them were sharing a considerably large dressing room, not that they both minded.

"soraru ~ i'm tired!"

"aren't we all."

mafumafu moved to change whilst soraru downed the rest of his water bottle. before mafumafu could begin changing, soraru had started to speak again.

"i feel like a saw a new side of you today."

"oh? really?"

"mhm. you seemed more... confident in yourself. especially when you played guitar for luz."

mafumafu spun around to look at soraru, confused as to why he would suddenly compliment him like that.

"you really mean all of this."

"yeah. you should teach me guitar as well."

"eh... i can try? i've never taught anyone anything though..."

"nonsense, you'll do good."

"well, i guess it's decided then. i can't say no to that."

"we should decide on a date then."

the both of them laughed briefly at how business-like they were speaking before soraru brought out a pen.

"you just carry a pen on you at all times?"

"it's called being prepared. should we meet on thursday for you to teach me?"

"oh, ok. i don't really have anything lined up anyways."

"would you mind writing thursday on my arm then?"

he snorted as he took hold of soraru's 'handy' biro. the older man really wasn't joking about this.

"why on your arm?"

"i'm forgetful, you know this. also, i need my soulmate to see that i'm somewhat sociable."

the mention of soraru's soulmate left a bitter taste in mafumafu's mouth. reluctantly, he began writing 'thursday' as neatly as he could on soraru's arm. a part of him purposely wanted to fuck it up but he restrained himself; it didn't matter if he was jealous or not, he only wished for soraru to be happy no matter who he was with.

as mafumafu wrote on his arm, soraru couldn't help but let his eyes wander to mafumafu's arms. the both of them never discussed their soulmates so he had to wonder, what was mafumafu's like? did they know how precious their soulmate was? probably not.

as soraru continued staring, he began to notice lines forming on mafumafu's arms. he bit his cheek, simply watching them form. the more lines began to form, the more soraru couldn't help but look over at his own arm.

...both had the same marks on them.

the both of them having 'thursday' on their arms could've just been some sort of sick coincidence, sure, but he knew mafumafu's handwriting. he knew the boy all too well.

mafumafu began to release his hold on soraru's arm and the pen when he realised soraru was staring intently at his arm. in confusion, mafumafu shifted his head to the side so he could see what soraru was so shocked at on his arm.

in that moment, he could've died.

on his arm, his surprisingly neat handwriting of the word 'thursday' was reflected onto soraru's arm as well, both on the exact same place of their right arms. the both of them looked at each other in awe, not being able to find the words to say.

mafumafu was the first one to break.

he broke out into tears, practically throwing his arms around soraru. all this time, all these years they had been soulmates and never even once realised it. all this time he spent silently resenting soraru's soulmate (and regretting it) because they would never see him as he saw him... he'd been resenting himself the entire time.

he'd finally found the one he'd been searching for.

soraru was silent, still in complete shock because holy shit, he'd been around mafumafu for around 7 years and yet, it took them this long to find out? he returned mafumafu's gesture, wrapping his arms around him as well. whilst soraru didn't break out into tears, he found himself tearing up immensely and blinking away tears threatening to escape.

the both of them remained like that for very long, with mafumafu mumbling things like, 'i can't believe it's you!' and 'you're really here!' soraru pulled him in closer to the hug, never wanting this moment to end.

when the moment did end, both of their faced were tearsoaked. they both laughed awkwardly as soraru brought mafumafu's hands into his.

"so, i guess this is happening now."

"y-yeah... it really is."

despite the tears, the both of them were still able to smile. soraru tried using his thumb to wipe away mafumafu's tears, elicting awkward laughter again. it was only when mafumafu attempted to lighten the mood, did their anxiousness go away.

"you know... the first mark i got from you was a penis..."

soraru rolled his eyes before chuckling bitterly.

"i've had dicks drawn on me a lot so sorry about that."

"fitting to your personality, i suppose."

"i presume you're the kirby banksy i've been looking for all this time?"

mafumafu's face turnt extremely red at that, somewhat regretting all those times he'd casually doodled on his arms.

"kirby is cute, o-ok?"

"sure, sure."

there was another silence before soraru brought mafumafu back into another hug.

"i'm so happy it's you, you have no idea."

"mhm, i'm the same."

everything felt perfect, truly.

☆

december 6, 2015.

together, he and soraru had formed after the rain and began producing their third album.

in the midst of creating the album, mafumafu was beginning to revert back to his old ways. he so desperately wanted to create an amazing album for all of the people who listened to him bellow into a microphone everyday that he was beginning to overwork himself.

making music was like a second nature to him, something he loved, so it didn't bother him that it seemed to be taking over his time. more to the point, he never really noticed it was taking all his time up.

his other friends made sure to check up on him, clearly not liking when he did this. urata and sakata had tried to convince him to hang out but he'd turned them down politely, desperately wanting to finish the album. soraru checked up on him every other day as well. they were both meant to be working on the album but soraru was much better at spacing out the times he worked on the album.

"oi, mafumafu. have you eaten yet?"

"no, why? is soraru getting concerned about me~?"

"s-shut up. i'm getting you something to eat."

conversations akin to that ensued nearly every time they met. soraru somehow managed to look more and more worried every time he claimed to have forgotten to eat (though, he had every right to be. mafumafu was a man who could truly eat and never stop.)

he would never say it out loud, of course, and mafumafu would never bring it up either. mafumafu had always been like this when creating music and this album was no different.

he fiddled with the piano, trying to find the right tune to fit the instrumental song. he'd been racking his mind over it all day but he just couldn't find the right tune to fit the feeling of the album. soraru stood in the doorway of their recording room, shooting mafumafu indecipherable looks. he had his own things to do but, unlike mafumafu, he was taking the occasional breaks.

wordlessly, he turnt around, asking the staff member for something. mafumafu was too engrossed in the piano to hear, fortunately for him. soraru came back, simply telling his counterpart that he was getting food before leaving.

mafumafu continued trying to conjure up tunes before he noticed what soraru's idea was all along. he'd slipped off his jacket, being way too hot, and his attention went straight to the message on his arm.

'don't push yourself.'

it was simple, blunt and straight to the point but it still made his heart do flips. soraru would never say it to his face but he knew the older male really did care for him. what on earth did he do to deserve soneone so amazing?

immediately, he went back to the piano. he wasn't going to take a break, much to soraru's distaste, but seeing the message really motivated him more. he was determined to make this album the best it could be for everyone.

setting his fingers down on the keys, he began to play again.

☆

july 18, 2016.

"oi mafumafu, let's move into the same apartment complex."

mafumafu almost spat out his drink in shock. regaining his composure, he coughed before speaking.

"what did you say?"

"you heard me."

he stared at soraru with his mouth agape, still processing his words. he heard him alright, he just couldn't believe it. he'd asked soraru so many times to move in and the older male has dismissed him straight away, giving him a cold reply.

soraru had really changed after finding out they were soulmates though, it was really sudden.

"...you want me to move near you."

"we'd both be moving. i found an apartment complex that had a few places free-"

"oh my god, you've been looking this up for a while, haven't you!"

"seriously, shut up!"

he had to hold back a laugh at soraru's usual 'tsundere' behaviour. it was weirdly cute.

still, moving houses was a big thing. he'd moved before, of course, but in his current apartment, he lived near his friends. he lived around an hour away from soraru but amatsuki and luz lived a little over 10 minutes away. moving meant he would have to be further from them (without luz, who else would exterminate his cockroaches?)

"wouldn't it be... really far?"

"are you that shaken about the idea of living far away from ikemen and beanpole?"

he snorted. soraru was clearly proud of his accurate nicknames for amatsuki and luz.

"am i really that transparent?"

"mafu, sweetie, i know you. of course you are."

they both laughed until the laughter became awkwardly silent. mafumafu looked up at soraru confused, tension suddenly coming between them. soraru looked down, trying to pluck up the courage to speak his mind.

"...mafumafu?"

"um, yes?"

"can...can i try something?"

"w-what?"

soraru shuffled closer to mafumafu, eyes full of confidence and determination. he was unnaturally quiet as he moved.

"soraru?"

and then, soraru did the unexpected. (at least, for him anyway.)

he kissed mafumafu.

...well, it was more of a peck. it didn't last very long. he could practically feel soraru's lips quivering in anxiousness. when they both seperated, both looked as taken aback as each other. mafumafu couldn't even find the words to form straight away.

"...that was shoddy."

mafumafu's smiled nervously at that, looking at soraru with a newfound confidence.

"soraru."

"...mhm?"

"can...can we do that again?"

soraru stared at him in surprise, taking a few moments to try and form the right words.

"i-i mean... sure! yeah."

mafumafu moved slightly closer to soraru, taking a deep breath before moving closer to his lips. their lips both clashed, awkwardly but passionately. mafumafu's mind went foggy as soon as soraru slipped his tongue in (had this man really never kissed anyone before?)

it stayed like that for a few seconds before they finally broke apart. mafumafu almost died as he somehow made the situation even more awkward by moaning slightly. both stared at each other in awe and interest before the silence was broken by both of them laughing nervously.

"i'm so happy you're my soulmate."

soraru had said it to him before but he never got tired of hearing it. he tried to conjure up words but soraru had already begun speaking again.

he placed his hands on mafumafu's, smiling warmly at him as he whispered to him,

"you know... you're more amazing than you think. i've never met someone like you."

"sora-"

"please. it's not easy but... all i want is for you to stop doubting yourself."

he gaped at soraru, not expecting him to being it up so suddenly. they both knew that it was going to be hard for him to stop doubting himself. thoughts like that were hard to get rid of.

"...i'll try."

he couldn't promise anything but he was sure as hell going to try.

☆

november 12, 2016.

"mafumafu."

"mhm..."

he was currently laying in his bed with soraru, face pressed into the other man's chest. he didn't want to move for once in his life.

soraru sighed, chuckling at his boyfriend(?) neither of them had really decided on what to call each other past soulmates. they'd never called each other boyfriends or even told each other 'i love you.'

was that weird? probably. it didn't feel like it though.

"we've been lying here for a while, i've got to get home you know."

"but i'm comfortable~ you're so warm soraru."

"ugh, seriously."

mafumafu lifted his head, giving soraru the most innocent look he could.

"do you have to go so soon, soraru chan?"

"y-you brat."

soraru sat up chuckling still, cheeks slightly red. mafumafu pouted but sat up nonetheless.

"i've seriously got to go now. i only live upstairs if you really need me."

"so far away..."

he hit mafumafu's arm weakly before getting up and yawning. he left the room inaudibly and left mafumafu to think.

finding out soraru was his soulmate was the best thing to ever happen to him. all of the painful memories from his past, he was able to forget them gradually with soraru's support. he had always stayed true to his promise of staying by his side and he truly loved him for it.

all these years he'd lived in fear that his soulmate would ditch him straight away were abandoned quickly.

soraru peaked his head around the door, now fully changed and half awake. he gave mafumafu a cheeky, knowing smile.

"i'll be going now."

"bye soraru~"

"bye nerd. check your arm."

as soon as he said that, soraru rushed out of the apartment and left mafumafu to check his arm. he wiped his eyes drowsily, rolling up his sweater sleeve as he read the message on his arm.

'i love you so much'

mafumafu stared at it, his cheeks heating up immensely as a wide, sheepish grin made its way onto his face.

with that, he whispered into the silence,

"i love you too."

he wouldn't have it any other way.