Work Text:
In the music room.
Teacher Toilet gathered: Test Tube, Fan, Paintbrush, Lightbulb, Cherries, Yin-Yang, Tissues, Apple, and Marshmallow.
Toilet said:
"Alright, listen up. We're putting together a dance routine because we're performing in a week. I don't give a damn what the dance looks like — just make it decent. That's all. You're dismissed."
The group was given three days to prepare for the school performance. It was supposed to be straightforward. But nothing is ever simple with this crew.
Lightbulb said:
"Let's have someone kiss in the middle of the song."
Paintbrush stared at her.
"Are you an idiot? Why?"
Lightbulb shrugged.
"It'd be more interesting."
Paintbrush thought for a moment, then agreed, adding:
"Also, Fan will do a cartwheel."
Fan was shocked and asked:
"Me?"
Paintbrush nodded. Fan replied:
"How the hell am I supposed to do that? I don't even know how to do a cartwheel!"
Paintbrush said flatly:
"I don't care. If you don't like it, cry about it."
After a brief pause, Paintbrush added:
"Scrap that. We're putting Marshmallow and Apple in the main roles."
Marshmallow shrugged.
"Fine."
Apple smirked.
"Yeah. We're fine with that."
But Tissues, going through puberty, muttered:
"Fucking hell, they actually put the lesbians in charge."
Apple flipped them off. Tissues thought to herself:
"Fuck off, bitch."
Once the roles were more or less assigned and the song chosen, they began rehearsing every day. Lightbulb was in charge of choreography and was losing her mind trying to teach everyone the moves. Tissues struggled with the splits, and Cherries had trouble jumping over Test Tube. Lightbulb yelled at them:
"Are you stupid?! What's so hard about jumping over her?!"
Cherries replied:
"She's not that easy to jump over without falling!"
Test Tube shouted back:
"I'm basically shrinking myself so you can jump over me, you dumbass!"
Fan still couldn't get the cartwheel right. Every time he tried, he either landed wrong or fell off the stage. Paintbrush yelled at him constantly. Test Tube kept telling him:
"Maybe we should replace you before it's too late?"
But Fan was stubborn and replied:
"No. I'm strong."
By the day of the performance, he could do it — sort of. It was sloppy, but it worked.
The rest of the team was also falling apart. Yin and Yang argued over nothing. Tissues complained about their role.
"What the hell do I have to do the splits for?!"
Test Tube was praying that Fan would somehow land the cartwheel, because if that worked, then maybe everything wasn't lost. Lightbulb looked like she was about to scream — and she did, because she'd had two shots of vodka before the show.
Half an hour before the performance, Marshmallow disappeared, but no one cared. They had a drunk Lightbulb who might ruin the whole dance anyway.
Meanwhile, Marshmallow and Apple found the sound technician, and Marshmallow quietly told him:
"When they finish the main choreography, switch the track."
The sound tech blinked.
"To what?"
Marshmallow smiled.
"To Gangnam Style."
He stared at her.
"Are you serious?"
Marshmallow replied:
"Absolutely. I owe you one — a beer."
The sound tech was about to say something, since they were still students, but his salary couldn't afford beer, so he agreed.
The performance began. MePhone walked onstage and announced:
"Now, nine students from the 9th grade will present a dance."
Everything went fine at first. BTS – Dynamite was playing, everyone danced in sync, and the crowd was hyped. Fan did the cartwheel — and flew right off the stage. No one stopped. Lightbulb yelled for him to get back up, and he scrambled back onstage just in time.
When Marshmallow and Apple kissed, everyone lost their minds. Toilet knew he was screwed. MePhone was in shock.
But the choreography was almost done. The moment of truth.
Suddenly, the music changed. Instead of the smooth pop beat of Dynamite, the speakers blasted:
"OPPAN GANGNAM STYLE! GANGNAM STYLE! OH-OH-OH-OH! OPPAN GANGNAM STYLE!"
Half the team froze. The other half looked confused. Paintbrush turned to Lightbulb in panic.
"What the hell is this?!" Paintbrush hissed.
"I didn't plan this!" Lightbulb whispered back.
Marshmallow and Apple didn't care. They kept dancing and laughing. The crowd was confused at first, then started laughing too. Some kids even began doing the horse dance. It was a disaster — but somehow, it worked.
After the show, everyone gathered backstage. Lightbulb was furious.
"Thanks, assholes! We totally screwed up!"
Fan asked:
"What did I do?"
Lightbulb replied:
"You flew off the stage!"
Test Tube interrupted:
"I don't remember agreeing to a second song!"
Paintbrush shot back:
"Then who changed it?!"
Lightbulb replied:
"Not me."
Apple smirked. Marshmallow nodded at her.
No one knew what to say. Fan was still nursing his bruised shoulder. Test Tube was in shock. Paintbrush looked like she was about to strangle someone. But eventually, even Lightbulb couldn't help but laugh.
"You're all assholes," she said. "But that was still kinda cool."