Chapter Text
Saturday
00:13 AM
“Oh my god… Where did you find this ?” Asked Isack as he placed the cig in his mouth.
The bathroom didn’t smell that good, Kimi didn’t know if it was the smell of the smoke or the old shampoo on the side of the bathtub.
“Uh… Just my old dealer, she always had the best fix.” Liam answered, letting the smoke out as he handed his cig to Kimi.
Kimi wavered, he looked very quickly at Franco, trying to see if he thought it was a good idea.
But he wasn’t looking at him.
Kimi gently accepted it and took a breath of it.
Liam looked in his eyes for a second, trying to understand if he was really gonna do it.
He actually did, surprising Liam who started to smile.
But it wasn’t without any consequences, Kimi coughed twice, making all of them laugh.
“This… This is disgusting…” Kimi said, handing it back to him.
“Are you joking ?!” Liam laughed again, taking it back. “You're smoking almost every day !”
“Not this kind of shit.”
Kimi was trying to catch Franco's attention, but he clearly wasn’t listening. Looking through the bathroom windows, he wondered for a second what he was thinking of.
As both of them laughed, their attention was quickly drawn to the door, suddenly opened by a girl who was looking at them with the most judgmental stare. She rolled up her eyes, sighing.
“Get off.” She coldly ordered.
“Why would we do that ?”
Isack was always trying to challenge people, like it was a permanent race. Sometimes he found it funny, but most of the time, it was just annoying.
“Because I don't want to piss on your shoes, do you want that ?” She asked ironically.
“Yeah why not ?”
The girl was clearly tired and it seems like Kimi was the only one to notice it.
“Come on guys, we all need to leave.” He suddenly said, getting up as he pushed his hands on their back.
They all sighed, grumbling while they accepted to leave the bathtub, jumping over it.
Kimi was the last one to leave, closing the door behind them to give her privacy.
“Fuck off, I’m hungry. We should leave.” Franco suggested tapping on Kimi’s shoulder.
“Go on, I need to pee.”
“Oh… You want to be alone with the sexy toilet attendant ?” Isack laughed, pushing gently on the side of his shoulder.
Kimi gave him a fake laugh pushing him back “Yeah really funny.”
“Come on ! I’m joking !” Isack looked at the door one last time, checking if she was looking at them. He quickly searched in his jacket to give him the little bag of weed. “You look like the most innocent one, so keep it.”
Kimi frowned his eyebrows, he didn't want to accept it, but still, he collaborated taking it and pushing it in his pocket.
Kimi could finally find peace when they left.
Don’t get it wrong, he loved being with them, he knew them for 2 years and Franco since he was a kid. They were always together, giving him the comfort he needed and mostly, never leaving his side.
They were probably the best things that happened to him those last 2 years.
But sometimes being away from them was relaxing.
Well, it didn’t last that long.
He realised it with a flushes and then, a door. The girl gently walked away from the bathroom getting close to him.
“You’re better than them. Just so you know.”
Kimi didn’t knew why, it felt like a sign.
And he was right.
Kissing her… Didn’t feel good but neither bad. It just felt normal. Like a routine he was forcing himself to do.
He couldn't help but to ask himself what was wrong with him ? She was beautiful, with strong dark hair, perfect blue pupils, a little dimple on her right cheek and a lot of freckles.
She was perfect.
But it didn't feel right.
Luckily, someone interrupted them, the music suddenly stopped in the corridor and Kimi heard strong voices talking a bit harshly.
The police.
And suddenly he thought about what he had in his pocket. A huge bag of weed, clearly illegal.
“Fuck…” She also looked a bit worried, maybe she wasn’t that clean either. “I need to go, sorry…” Kimi sighed.
“Uh, yeah me too.”
They both started to walk away, still facing each other, awkwardly, just like they missed something.
“My name is Lianne by the way !” She screamed from the other side of the corridor, a bit too loud.
Yeah, he completely forgot about that part.
“I’m Kimi !” He succeeded to say, shouting too.
The conversation quickly ended, she didn’t seem to care either about this.
On the other hand, the run in the house was way more chaotic, he tried to find a place where he could hide what Isack had given him. But Bianca’s house was truly perfectly clean and he didn’t want to include her in this situation.
His mind was conflicted, the only solution he found was to leave the weed under the flowerpot on the balcony, just outside of the house. No one would search here.
Deeply, he knew he did something wrong.
He even felt like someone was watching him, judging him.
Lost in his mind, it was at that moment that Kimi realized how he could get away from here.
From the outdoor staircase.
Quickly, he jumped over the window leading to the balcony and climbed against it. Kimi wasn’t particularly scared of heights but at this point, maybe he was.
When he finally reached the stairs, he took a deep breath, his hands trembling, touching his face just to check if his soul was still here after this rush of blood.
And then, he slowly walked down the stairs, step by step, floor by floor. Kimi never thought he would feel that good about just touching the ground.
But the worst wasn’t even behind him, the whole apartment was full of cops, he couldn't get out that easily. They were everywhere, controlling all of the other students Kimi barely knew.
All of them had those small drug tests in their hands, trying to catch everyone who could get out of here a bit suspicious.
Kimi hadn’t smoked a lot, but enough to put him in deep shit.
He tried to walk in the quietest way possible, avoiding to make the lightest noise, just like if he was in a very strict library.
But, just before he decided to get out of his hideout, he heard a familiar voice calling him.
“Kimi ! What are you doing ?”
The second he turned around, Kimi recognized one of his friends, Abbi, just sat up here, right in front of her massive SUV behind her.
Kimi walked carefully to her.
He was still thinking about how she could drive that massive car without any problem. He was already struggling to use his bike between two people walking side to side.
“Are you running away from the cops ?”
Kimi shamefully nodded.
“Come one, I'm getting you out of here.” She finally said, opening the door of her giant car. Kimi slowly followed her, sitting at her side.
“Thank you so much…” He panted, quickly putting on his seat belt.
Abbi was not only a really good driver but she was also a good friend.
“No worries” She gently said, starting her car as they both looked at the cops outside. “Ok, try to look normal. The cops are not gonna control you.”
He truly trusted her, but when he saw the two of the cops walking to them, he had to admit his heartbeat got lost for a second.
“Why wouldn’t they control me ?”
“You look too cute.” She ironically said winking quickly.
Why did everyone think that ? That he looked too innocent, too gentle, like he wasn’t capable of anything.
He was going to face that fucking cop, make him think he was completly sober and-
Well maybe not today.
It seemed like a stranger had decided to save their life and started to talk with the cop, just like it was a way to distract them. Kimi didn’t have the opportunity to see him but, unlike Kimi, the guy had perfectly seen his face.
Abbi quickly took the opportunity and turned to the right, entering in a small road that led them to leave the house, without any problems and no cop behind them.
She sighed loudly, laughing together as they finally took the usual road.
“So… Doriane asked me about… The roommate stuff ? You’re still in ?”
He remembered perfectly about that day, after a huge fight with his mom, Kimi ended up in front of Doriane's door — who had already offered him to come if he felt bad — he cried for at least 10 minutes and then, fell asleep in her bed.
Since that day, Doriane had asked him about the flatshare almost every week. At the time, Kimi was still scared to leave the house, to be without them. But now that they missed a roommate and that her mom had gone almost crazy. Kimi wanted to be in.
“I’m in.” He softly said, making her smile.
“Perfect.”
Monday
12:24 PM
Wishing for peace was useless when he was surrounded by three not-so-much teenagers of 19 years old, full of hormones and energy.
“Oh my god you should have seen how he was drinking ! I’ve never seen him in that state he was like… Dying inside !” Kimi didn't even try to understand what they were talking about, he was too lost in his thoughts looking at the text Lianne had sent him.
Just a simple ‘nice to meet you !’
He didn’t even knew what answer to that, except a simple ‘me too!’
Me too ?? What does that even mean ?
“Kimi ? Oh Kimi !” Called Franco, moving his hand in front of his eyes.
He quickly raised up his eyes, closing his phone, laying it on the table.
“Yeah sorry. Just… Texting.”
Isack moved his head at him, a smirk on his face. “Lianne ?”
Kimi looked at him back, smiling slowly, closing his head to him too. “Yeah Isack, her.”
He opened his mouth dramatically, going back to his chair.
“How can you pull up that many girls ? When you look…” Isack let out a silence, like he was searching for his words.
Franco stares at him, frowning his eyebrow, waiting for the bullshit he was gonna say.
“Look what ?” Kimi coldly asked.
“Well… Gay.” Isack admitted.
“What ?!” Franco said, getting angrier. “Ok define what is looking gay ?”
“I don't know, you get me ! It’s not a bad thing of course !” He continued, trying to explain himself. “You look really feminine.”
“If feminine means gay to you, Isack, you’re the problem.”
Yeah, Kimi definitely knew why Franco was his best friend.
“That’s not what I meant… Ok, I’m sorry Kimi.” Isack gently tapped on his hand as Kimi nodded, forgiving him.
“But he’s right though… You look feminine.” They all looked at Liam, frowning. “In a good way, I mean. I saw everywhere that girls loved feminine guys. Maybe men like it too… It’s true you’re very pretty but-”
“Yeah no, stop yourself here.” Interrupted Franco putting his hand on the blond’s mouth.
“By the way, can you give back the weed to me ? I need it.” Liam succeeded to say pushing back Franco’s hand.
Fuck
That fucking stupid weed.
He should have seen it coming, how the fuck would he find an excuse to go back at Bianca’s house ?
“Huh, yeah it’s home.”
Liam looked at his food, nodding quickly when Isack felt his phone trembling.
He took it in his hand, reading it slowly while he tapped on Liam's chest, a smile on his face. “Dude, it’s Nerea ! She said we were welcome to Saturday’s party !” Isack looked at them with a smile. “All of us !”
Franco smiled too, all looking at Kimi.
He wasn’t smiling. At all.
“I’m not doing that.”
They all sighed together, starting to grumble.
Liam looked quickly at Isack’s phone one last time.
“Lianne is hosting it.”
Life hated him. How could it be possible that she decided to host a party now ?
“Still. I’m tired, and I need to see the flatshare-”
“Lianne is hosting it bro !” Isack interrupted him. “You can't miss your chance with her !”
“It’s fine, I will have another opportunity.” Kimi said, sure of himself.
But then, suddenly, Kimi felt a hand on his shoulder. He jumped briefly before looking above him.
Arvid.
“A chance with who ?” He asked while he sat at Kimi's side.
“With Lianne, a girl we met two days ago.” Franco answered instead of Kimi, seeing how awkward he was.
“Oh… Lucky boy…” Arvid smiled, sliding his left arms on Kimi’s shoulder.
Arvid wasn’t particularly friends with them. He was always fighting against Franco in sport, Isack was literally his worst nightmare in maths and Liam… Always acted weird with him.
But Liam was acting weird with everyone.
Kimi remembered one time where Liam asked Arvid how much he was weighing just to put the exact same weight on his dumbbell.
Yeah. This kind of person.
But with Kimi, it was different, Arvid was younger but still, he seemed like he was more mature, that Kimi could talk with him about very different things than with them. Cinema, politics, their families and not just those stupid games he was playing with them.
“He doesn't wanna come to Lianne’s party !” Exclaimed Isack, just like he was asking for Arvid’s help.
“Come on ! You can’t miss that.” All these situations with Lianne were making him just too uncomfortable. He didn’t want to face her with his fake feelings.
But leaving Arvid alone with them would be a dangerous mistake.
“Ok.” Kimi quickly said.
They all started to cheer him, tapping on his shoulder and brushing his hair, way too excited just for a party.
Kimi smiled softly.
If that was enough to make them that happy, he would do it every day.
Wednesday
04:23 PM
The place looked… Exactly just like his parent’s.
But cuter.
It was definitely an old appartement, the wall crumbled, the floor was creaking and it clearly had leaking pipes.
They had pictures on every wall, of themself, of their friends, even just the three of them.
Flowers and mirrors everywhere.
And a lot of cute drawings.
This was probably what was making that flatshare this cute.
“And this is… Your room !” Doriane smiled, opening the door.
A bit smaller than the one at his parents' house, but the bed was bigger —definitely for two people— flowers everywhere, plants on the shelf and a desk at the side.
“It’s perfect.” Kimi said. He gently smiled at her while he left his bag on the bed.
Doriane wanted to tell him more about it but when they heard noises from the room next to them, she quickly took him to the kitchen, passing through the long corridor of the flatshare seeing more and more pictures.
It felt like a family that wasn’t related.
Doriane suddenly stops right in front of the kitchen, seeing the last two roommates talking to each other around the dining table.
“So…” She started to say, slowly walking in the kitchen. “This is Kimi. A friend of mine. And your new roommate !”
Doriane was way too happy about it, the guy looked amused and the other girl… Just got up and walked to him.
“I’m Maya.” She said coldly, bringing her hand to him.
Kimi shook it gently.
“I’m Kim-”
“I hope you’re not as noisy as the asshole before you.” And then, she just walked away just like nothing happened.
“Don’t worry, she’s usually nicer.” The guy was openly smiling, eating the pasta in front of him.
Doriane sighed before she sat on the chair watching Kimi getting close to the table.
“So this is our kitchen, you can put your stuff here. We have plenty of storage.”
Kimi gently nodded, looking around him.
“Hmm ! What about me ?” The guy asked, looking at Doriane’s eyes.
“Yeah ! Of course. Sorry, this is Gabriel ! He’s Brazilian but works here.”
Gabriel moved his chair slightly forward and gave him a high-five.
“Brazilian ? I’m from Italy.” He said with a playful tone.
“Really ? Italian, Brazilian and French ? We’re just a bunch of hot latino, that’s great.”
They both laughed before Kimi felt two tremors in his pocket.
He picked his phone up.
The first one was Lianne’s one
‘You’re still welcome for Saturday if you want to !’
Kimi thought about it for a second. He couldn’t skip that —unfortunately—
‘I will be here’
The second notification came from his mom. He always hated when she was sending them.
‘Do you want to come to church with us ? Sunday ?’
Kimi didn’t even took the time to answer. He put back his phone in his pocket, raising his eyes at them.
His family was a chaotic tornado of problems who thought their life was dedicated to God.
Kimi didn’t wanted to see them or to hear about them. Deeply, he thought his life could be better without them.
But now, and here, maybe he could find a real home.
Thursday
8:05 AM
Kimi thought about it all night long.
How could he come back at Bianca's place, without anyone to see him, climb up at her balcony and-
Maybe he could just ask her ?
But it was way more complicated than that.
She was muslim. Even if they were friends, if she knew he had hidden weed in her house, Bianca would probably end their friendship right away.
Kimi didn’t knew that much about islamism, but he was pretty sure that weed was prohibited.
But wasn’t lying worse ?
Kimi couldn’t stand those questions in his head, he was looking at her as she gently put back the bottom of her hijab.
If Kimi had noticed one thing about her, it was that Bianca always matched her hijab with her makeup. And it was always so fucking beautiful, even if he didn’t dare to tell her.
They were rarely together in class, but today, he had an opportunity to change that.
When he saw Abbi ready to sit at her side, Kimi quickly ran in front of her, stopping her.
“10 dollars and you left me alone with her ?” Kimi whispered in her ear.
Abbi stopped for a second and started to laugh a bit too loud, mocking him. “I don’t think you're her type.”
“Really funny.” Kimi said as he sat at Bianca's side.
She didn’t seem to care about him. A paper in her hand, she was carefully reading the mathematics test.
Kimi slowly moved his head forward, reading behind her shoulder.
“What are you doing ?” Bianca asked, pushing his head away.
“Nothing… Do you need help ?”
Bianca sighed, looking back at him.
“Do I look like I need help ?”
Kimi shook his head, a bit scared.
Either she was in a really bad mood. Either she knew.
He was praying for the first answer.
“Did I do something wrong ?” He asked, a bit frightened.
“What do you think Kimi ?” Bianca said as she turned her head to him.
Fuck.
“Ok I’m sorry I-”
“Are you kidding me Kimi ! Why did you put that in my house ?!” She raised her voice, getting angrier again.
The whole class turned up their heads at them, making Kimi quickly awkward.
“Yes, I’m so sorry it was fucked up… Really. It was a huge mistake.” Her eyes were screaming disappointment.
She let a silence between them, just like she was giving him time to think about the consequences of his actions.
“Can you give it back to me ?”
Kimi was expecting a lot of things coming from her, but not a laugh. An ironic one, a laugh that was saying are you kidding me ?
He didn't know how to ask her in another way. He needed that weed.
But, as the class finally started to get ready, all of them sitting in their assigned place. They both heard a creaky voice behind them.
“Do Muslim girls still have the right to laugh that loud ?” The guy smiled, looking like he was proud of himself.
“Do you still have the right to be outside when you look that ugly ?” Bianca answered almost as quickly as him.
His friends' reactions were immediate, all of them were laughing at him without restraint.
He didn't seem to take that really well, looking all around him searching for some kind of support.
But he didn't find any.
“But do Muslim people can still be friend with fag ?”
Oh.
Oh.
This one was for him.
“What did you say ?” Bianca asked with a way much higher voice, suddenly getting up.
It did take some time for Kimi to really cope with this sentence.
Innocent, cute, feminine or too gentle.
People around him were always treating him like some kind of weak creature, not capable of standing up for himself. He didn't look strong, fierce or even violent.
He looked like a faggot.
Maybe that was what Isack was really thinking of him.
But he wasn’t a fag.
He fucking wasn’t.
The answer seemed so easy, Kimi only had one thing to do to prove it.
He quickly got up from his chair and aggressively jumped on the guy in front of him. His hands grabbing his shoulders, they both fell to the ground way too quickly for anyone to prevent it.
As he sat on his body, Kimi moved his hand in a fist and raised his whole arm up, ready to punch him.
One blow.
A second one.
And then a third.
The man under him was defending himself, trying to grab his arm, to scratch his face, to choke him.
But it was completely useless.
Kimi may not be that tall but he sure could end a fight with a guy like that.
As the second goes by, Kimi felt way more confident, he was clearly over him, beating him up way too easily. He never fought before, he always thought he would be bad at it.
For once, it showed him he could be the violent one.
For the best.
Or the worst.
Thursday
The same day
8:25 AM
The clock on the wall was making way too much noise, so much that they could hear the second pass.
They both look at each other in an almost aggressive silence. None of them dared to say a word in front of the director who didn’t seem…
Very happy.
Kimi had a huge open wound on his eyebrow and still had a bit of blood on the corner of his lips.
On the other hand, the guy at his side had been hurt way more violently, without having any mark on his face.
Unfair.
Kimi knew hitting him was wrong but deeply, he had loved that.
“So… Kimi Antonelli and… Jack… ?”
“Doohan.” He answered.
Now he had a name on someone he could hate.
“I’m not going to say what you two did was bad, you perfectly know it…” Kimi felt like he was talking to his parents when they found his report card. “But you two are both majors. I can't sue anyone but I have to remind you that if you do that outside of the school, you could end up in custody.”
Both of them nodded, listening to her carefully, a bit awkward about the situation.
“Instead, you two are both grounded. Of course separately.”
They both look at each other.
Good news.
“Since you two think you can do anything here. You both are gonna lose your privilege of being over the age of legal majority. This means you can’t leave the school before the end of your schedule, you can't stroll around in your free time.”
It basically means the end of his freedom.
“And you two are gonna make a full and complete dissertation. For you Jack on the violence of homophobia and Kimi… On school violence.”
Now he had some kind of regrets about hitting him.
After a way too long explanation on how being violent was bad and dangerous. They finally got liberated, both of them walking to the door.
“Kimi, you should go to the infirmary, you're bleeding.”
Fuck that.
Fuck all of that.
Why would he be grounded ? He thought while looking around him in the waiting room.
He did something good. Kimi was sure about that. Jack was truly an asshole, probably since a long time ago, maybe now, he wouldn’t be that bad anymore.
What he did was good.
Kimi was convinced of that.
Lost in his mind, Kimi even forgot he was waiting for the nurse in a waiting room full of anti-aid posters, advice for condoms and even a flyer for queer people who got fired from their home.
This was exactly what had stopped him from his internal thoughts. Kimi took the flyer in his hand trying to read it slowly, when suddenly, he got interrupted by a brutal sound.
Coming from the inside of the infirmary, he saw someone softly walking away from the door.
His step seemed silent, just like he wasn’t meant to be here, like he didn’t wanted to be here.
His hair were perfectly curled, the slight wind against it was making them lightly move, just like the grass close to the ocean.
Kimi couldn't help but notice his eyes, how brown they were, how meaningful they seemed, he looked like he cried before that.
Kimi moved his head to follow his pace, when finally, their pupils crashed into each other. He lost his heartbeat for a second.
He was confused, why did he felt that hot ? Why did his stomach suddenly hurt ?
He tried, really.
He really tried to get his eyes away from him.
But he just couldn’t.
Couldn't look away from all of the moles on his face, on his neck.
His body was even more quiet than a picture, more quiet than a ghost.
Kimi was sure this guy was real, that he was not an illusion.
But when he finally left, their eyes getting separated from each other, everything felt empty again. Like he was already an old memory.
Kimi’s body just kept getting hotter and hotter, at a point that it scared him.
He quickly look down at his hand, moving them up just to see if all of that was normal.
His skin was softer than usual, oily and full of sweat. Kimi didn’t feel them anymore, didn’t feel a glimpse of his skin.
This couldn't be fake.
Right ?
Saturday
11:23 PM
“Fuck… It still hurts ?” Franco asked as he passed his fingers against Kimi’s eyebrows.
The blood had already dried up there, leaving a crust of skin on it. Something a bit disgusting…
His wound still hurted him, just like a piercing that didn’t heal.
“No that's… It’s fine.” Kimi’s voice was a bit lumpy, trying to hide the pain in his voice.
“I think I have cream in my bag…”
Franco was always really careful, and with everyone, just like a mom of three children.
In his bag he always had sunscreen, medicine and even water, just in case.
“Guys ! We find vodka mixed up with tequila !” Liam almost screamed behind the loud music.
Isack joined them just as fast. He was almost running, two others cups in his hands, quickly giving them away.
Kimi hesitated, but when he saw Franco take it in his hand and drink it in a sip, he did the same without any hesitation.
The taste was horrible.
But they seemed to like it.
So, he took another sip.
“So… You’re telling me…” Isack said as he tried to swallow the liquid he didn't find that good either. “You beat up Jack, because he insulted Bianca and then called you a fag ?”
Kimi nodded immediately, looking proud of himself.
Everyone was talking about Thursday in the school, just because of a picture, the one that Kimi had seen multiple times.
Where he was on top of Jack’s body, sitting on his legs, both of his hands around his neck while he tried to choke him.
He didn’t remember well about that, his mind probably got lost in the process. But he was at the center of the picture, everyone had seen how violent he could be.
Since then, everyone looked at him differently.
He had to admit it, he was proud of that.
“Dude you look badass on this !” Isack almost shouted behind the music while he took the phone in his hand.
“I don't know…” Franco took a closer look at the picture. “You don’t really look like… Yourself ?”
They all looked at Franco for a second, just like he ruined the mood.
“Hey guys !”
Lianne was his life saver from this awkward moment.
Even if Franco was right, Kimi would have preferred to forget about it.
“How is my boxer doing ?” She asked as she laid her head on his shoulder.
“Perfect.” Kimi gently passed his arms around Lianne’s neck and shoulder, holding her softly.
All of his friends looked away, rolling their eyes up when they kissed.
He still didn't feel anything.
Why ?
“Oh, I have to pick up my friend at the train station. I’m coming back in…” She looked at her watch. “30 minutes.”
Watching her going away felt peaceful for a second. He wasn’t obligated to act in front of them anymore.
“She’s so into you !” Isack smiled, tapping on Kimi’s shoulder.
He truly wondered why.
Saturday
The same day
11:37 PM
Kimi didn’t thought about his night like this. Being just here, around his friends, without even talking.
He felt so out of the moment, the lights were aggressive and the music was way too loud. Kimi didn’t wanted to be here.
Actually he hated to be here.
Lying to everyone.
Acting like everything was normal.
He couldn’t do much about it.
Well… Maybe he had another solution.
He was just at a party , what was exactly holding him back to run away ?
The occasion came at the moment where they all decided to take back another drink. All of them leaving him all alone.
The path was clear, no one in his way, no one to stop him.
He would probably find excuses later, but now, he needed to leave.
Step by step, the freedom felt closer and closer, Kimi wanted the fresh air from outside and not this shitty smell of athlete sweat.
But, at the second he felt the sensation of the wind against his skin. A hand pulled him back, making him walk in the other direction.
It wasn’t aggressive or kind.
It was just in a way that meant you’re coming with me.
And Bianca was the best for this.
Kimi sighed loudly as he slowly realized who it really was.
She probably hated him and maybe if he didn’t try to avoid her yesterday, it would have been easier.
Bianca stopped a bit suddenly, hidden under the stairs of the house, Kimi turned in front of her.
“Come on… Please let me leave…” He whispered.
“No, no, no. Not after what you did to me.”
“I’m sorry ! Okay ? I already told you…” Kimi just wanted to leave, go home just to sleep for the whole night.
“If my parents had found it… Worst ! If the cops had found it !” Bianca looked truly angry.
“It was complete bullshit, I'm sorry… I don’t know why I did that, I panicked and…” Kimi rubs his hand against his neck, a bit anxious. She seemed to believe him, her face slowly relaxed, looking at him a bit differently.
He looked at the exit door one last time.
Maybe their friendship was more important than any of the things he needed to do.
“What can I do to make you forgive me ? I can… Make you food. Halal of course.” He started to say, thinking about all of the things he could do for her. “Maybe take you on a date ? Platonically of course, like at the cinema or at a pool maybe-”
“Ok ! Stop Kimi. It’s really nice. But…” She softly started to smile, making him understand she had another idea on her mind.
Ok maybe he had a chance.
“Doriane and I need help for our cinema class…”
Bianca’s voice was still talking, Kimi could hear her but… His vision quickly became blurry when he raised up his eyes.
And found him again.
The same guy he saw at the infirmary, the same curly hair, the same way to walk.
Since then, he didn’t notice his height, but now that he was seeing him standing up next to other student, he realized how tall he was.
He was slowly walking through the living room, looking… A bit lost.
But then suddenly, his face turned down, probably called by someone else.
“Kimi ?” Bianca called him again.
He shook his head gently, looking at her.
“Uh… Sorry.”
“So… Are you in ?”
Kimi didn’t had an idea of what she was talking about.
“Yes ! Of course I am.”
He really tried to remember what her plan was about, but his mind couldn’t think about anything else other than him.
Other than his neck, than his eyes… Than the look they shared for a second… Even if it felt like for an hour.
His body was way too hot, his heart was beating way too fast and Kimi could feel his sweat sliding on his neck. He needed to do something about it.
“I need… I need to go to the bathroom but… I’m in ! Really !” Kimi gently said as he let his hand in his hair, walking away from her.
Bianca was frowning her eyebrows, understanding something was wrong. She got to admit Kimi was weird those last days. But at this point ?
He tried to walk as fast as he could in the corridor but between every other student, he felt even hotter. His hand trembling, his voice getting weaker and his heart… Kimi could feel it just by laying his hand on his chest.
In his race to the bathroom, he even shoved into Arvid who got a bit surprised, but when he turned his head to see who it was, Kimi had already left. Confined in the bathroom, he didn't notice who he just bumped into.
The water was running between the tips of his fingers, making him find again just a bit of the reality he was searching for.
Kimi softly laid both of his hands under the water. It was cold… It makes him feel… Normal again.
He had to get him away from his mind.
When Kimi finally decided to lay his wet hands on his face, trying to wash him away from his mind. He got suddenly scared by a presence at his side.
He raised up his eyes on the mirror in front of him and then, he realized.
How could he have not seen him coming ?
How could he still be that discreet ? Opening the door, walking behind him and opening the water faucet without him noticing it ?
The question had gone through his mind for a second.
Was he even real ?
Maybe he was slowly becoming crazy.
Maybe someone had put drugs in his gla-
“You're bleeding.”
Kimi’s head turned automatically, not even realizing how quickly he had done it.
“Sorry ?”
The guy in front of Kimi looked at him back, showing him his eyebrow.
“I said, you’re bleeding… Just here.”
So he wasn’t dreaming. His dark pupils were real, his thin lips and his neck… Something particular about it, it felt like it was made for someone’s hands to hold it.
“Oh !” Kimi stares at himself in the mirror for a second, taking a closer look at his eyebrows. “You’re right…” He almost put a finger on it, trying to stop his blood from falling more than it already was.
“Wait.” The guy ordered suddenly. “You’re gonna hurt yourself.” He carefully said while taking a piece of paper on the edge of the sink. He lightly soaked it under some drop of water and then stepped closer to him.
No.
Hell no.
Why did he get that close ?
Kimi didn't even dare to look him in the eyes.
He felt the wet paper on his eyebrow, groaning a little bit out of pain.
“Sorry…” He apologizes, putting the paper away.
And then, he quickly pushed his hand in his pocket searching for something a bit clumsily.
Kimi didn’t expected someone like that, his voice was softer than he imagined, he seemed less confident than he thought.
He felt more human.
The guy finally took his hand away from his pocket and then, handed him a small bandage, not even larger than a coin.
Kimi was finally brave enough to look him in the eyes.
Too fucking close.
Kimi let out a silence between them, not doing anything about the hand in front of him.
“I… Maybe I can do it.” He softly said, opening it carefully before placing it on Kimi’s left eyebrow.
His fingers were still wet from the water before. Really delicately, he brushed the tips of his index over his eyebrow.
Kimi couldn't say anything, his heartbeat was even worse than before. An intense fear of having his heart completely destroyed in less than a minute.
“There you go.” He gently smiled.
“Thank you.”
Kimi felt his phone trembling, lowering his eyes as he took it in his hand.
‘Where are you ?’
He raised his eyes again, looking at the guy in front of him.
He was checking his hair in the mirror, pushing them lightly on the side while he took the cig placed right over his ear.
And then, he smiled again, moving his hand forward, offering it to Kimi.
“Wanna smoke ?”
Kimi should have known it was a bad idea.
That the only thought of his presence was gonna ruin his life.
But still, he ended up here.
Right under the tree, in the garden of Lianne’s house, they were both leaning against the trunk sharing the cig he handed him a minute sooner.
“What happened to you ?” The guy asked, showing his eyebrow.
It was cold outside, the wind was freezing and Kimi had a simple shirt on him.
“A stupid fight.” Kimi answered quickly.
“Is it… Is it you in the picture ?”
Shit.
“Uh… Yeah.” He shamefully admitted.
“You know what…” The guy took back the cig in his mouth. “I don't know what happened but I’m sure you were right.”
Kimi smiled slowly as he moved his head against the trunk of the three.
He didn’t expect that.
Didn’t expect him to not ask more about it, he just trusted him, without even thinking.
“So… Why are you here ? How do you know Lianne ?”
He wanted to know so much more about him. And it was the perfect occasion to.
No one was there, no one to judge him or to look after him.
“I'm friends with Abbi. Well… She’s the one who showed me the school when I first came here so she invited me.” He explained.
“Really ? I’m friends with her too. It’s been two years but…”
“Basically the same right ?” The guy laughed, giving him back the half-smoked cigarette.
Kimi took it just as quickly before he held out his hand to him.
“I’m Kimi by the way.”
“I’m-”
A second away from having his answer, Kimi felt a hand on his shoulder, and a kiss on his cheek.
“Hey baby !” A feminine voice said.
He internally sighed.
Life hated him. Definitely.
Kimi looked at Lianne’s face gently kissing her back.
“And you are…?” She asked, handing her hand to him.
“I’m Oliver.”
He smiled at her, looking at Kimi again.
“Nice to meet you, Kimi.”