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“ She parks her car outside of my house and takes her clothes off
Says she's close to understanding Jesus
And she knows she's more than just a little misunderstood
She has trouble acting normal when she's nervous
— Round Here, Counting Crows (1993)
The first time Ryan sees Brendon’s room, he notices how much character it has, like everything Brendon touched somehow came to life. He looks around the room, shifting awkwardly. He wasn’t quite sure where to sit, if he was allowed to be so close to Brendon here, in the light like this.
“You can sit, you know. On the bed, wherever, it’s fine.” Brendon says, flopping down onto the bed with a sigh.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to-”
“Yes, I’m sure. Make yourself at home.”
Ryan huffs at being interrupted, but he climbs over Brendon nonetheless, laying on his back next to him, curling into his warmth on instinct. “You have a lot of posters,” he says.
“Do you not?” Brendon asks. He was fidgeting with the strings of Ryan’s hoodie, but Ryan doubted he knew he was even doing that. It had him wanting to slam his head into the nearest wall. Brendon was curvy with the sexiest body Ryan had ever seen, with these giant puppy dog eyes that had him reeling, wanting to kiss him senseless and bite at him.
He shakes his head. “I’m renting. If I fuck up the walls I won’t be able to afford it, kind of lifeless in my room.”
“That sucks.” Brendon says. “I bought most of these for myself. Some I got from my older siblings and Shane, or some of our other friends, but mainly I bought them.”
Ryan nods. Brendon rarely took credit for his own work, always attributing it to somebody else’s support. Ryan would bet his entire CD collection that roughly 90 percent of Brendon’s posters had been bought with his own money after weeks of saving up. “You have your own gaming system.”
Brendon’s ears go slightly pink, the way they sometimes did when a conversation didn’t go the way he had hoped. “Er, yeah… I mean, it was a gift, and it’s second hand.”
“Still cool,” Ryan says. He wants to reach out and touch him, calm the nerves that always seemed to get a hold of Brendon when he realized Ryan’s life wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but he doesn’t. “You have any cool games?” He asks instead, hoping to steer them away from talking too much. They both had a tendency to rant when nervous, and although it was insanely endearing on Brendon, it was also, at times, a little annoying.
“Define cool.”
Ryan shrugs. “Guitar Hero, Grand Theft Auto, Mario Kart, and I’m hoping a loose floorboard with a shit ton of beer?” Because being drunk would make being here ten times less intimidating.
Brendon smirks. “I knew I liked you for a reason.” Ryan’s heart stills for a millisecond. Brendon rises from the bed and ducks underneath it, tinkering with a floorboard until it pops up. He re-emerges with a half-empty bottle of wine, and Ryan can’t help but smile when he sees how stupidly proud Brendon looks of himself. He bites his bottom lip, fighting the urge to sink his teeth into Brendon’s skin.
“Classy,” Ryan muses.
“Only the best for you.”
The phrasing sends Ryan into this weird fight or flight mode he always seemed to get in when intimacy was involved, and he has to remind himself Brendon didn’t mean it as anything serious. Brendon’s nervous expression tells him he’s showing this conflict on his face, and he tries his best to school it back into something more neutral-looking. Brendon turns his Play Station on before laying next to Ryan once more, and the bottle of wine passes between them as easily as a cigarette.
“You’re good at this,” Ryan says a few hours later. He was pressed in between Brendon and the fake guitar, having given up a while ago. He was good at guitar hero, better than Brendon, even, and usually he was competitive about this kind of thing, but he was more than content to watch Brendon play. He was playing up his drunkenness, just a little, enjoying the way Brendon pampered him at the assumption he was tipsy.
“I play real guitar, so…” Brendon says. He was keeping his voice quiet, and it filled Ryan with an overwhelming kind of affection.
“Really? I didn’t know that. Me too. We should play together sometime.” Ryan responds, looking up at him Every time he learns something new about Brendon, he becomes more and more interesting, and he couldn’t help but try to dissect more of him. He looked different this close; prettier, maybe, and Ryan can’t bring himself to look away. He figures it’s fine, Brendon could chalk it up to Ryan being drunk.
Brendon stares at Ryan for a while. His hands were fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, and once again, Ryan didn’t think he had any idea he was even doing that. Still, his breath hitches slightly when his warm fingers brush against the small of his back.
“...You have really nice teeth.” Brendon says breathily.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. You have sharp canines.”
Ryan just smiles, “You have a thing for that?”
“Nah.” Brendon replies. He’s too quick with it, and Ryan stows the knowledge away for future use. “They’re pointy. Like a bat’s. Or a vampire’s, maybe. If you believe in that kind of thing.”
Ryan immediately perks up at the mention of vampires, and his leg bounces slightly in an attempt to release pent up energy. “Do you?” He can see a smile begin to pull at Brendon’s lips which Brendon tries, and fails, to prevent.
“I take it you do?”
“Are you teasing me?” Ryan asks defensively.
“No, I’m just surprised. It’s cute. Um, no. I don’t really buy into the whole vampire or ghost thing.”
“Oh, okay.” Ryan replies, deflated.
“No, what were you going to say?”
“I just love vampires. They’re like, easily the coolest fucking creatures on Earth. Have you read Dracula? Nevermind, probably not. It’s one of my favorites. It’s like the best book ever written.”
“What’s so cool about vampires anyways?”
“Dude,” Ryan says, sitting up. “They’re practically immortal if they play their cards right, they have all that time to study whatever they want, read every book in the world, it’s infinite knowledge. They get to sleep in a coffin, which is fucking rad, they literally reap all the benefits of human life but they’re not fucking evil.”
“Aren’t they?”
“Evil? No. They’re like mosquitos, they just need blood to survive. Not much, anyways. And they’re, like, objectively hot. I would let a hot vampire suck my blood.”
Brendon rolls his eyes fondly, laughing. “Your teeth are sharp enough to draw blood. You may as well be a vampire.”
“You’ve no idea what a compliment that is to me. I’d suck your blood.” Ryan says before he can think better of it.
“That’s gay,”
“You’re gay.” Ryan spits back on instinct. “I want to kiss you.” He says, the words coming out faster than he would have liked.
“Then kiss me,” Brendon rushes out, suddenly out of breath.
Ryan leans in, their lips pressing together for the best millisecond of his life before there’s a sharp knock at the window. Ryan sighs when he feels Brendon tense beneath him. He bites his bottom lip pensively, suddenly regretting it. “I should go,” he says, moving to stand. Fight or flight, always. He could never just stay anywhere without being wrangled into place.
Brendon shakes his head. “You should stay,” he says, gently pushing him back on the mattress. “It’s fine. You’re drunk, anyways. I’m not sending you out like that.”
“Hardly.” Ryan mumbles, but Brendon just shoots him an unamused look, and Ryan deflates into the pillows. His dramatics had come to bite him in the ass this time, it seems.
There’s another knock on the window, and Brendon turns on his phone as he opens the window, now face to face with Shane. “Dude, are you alive?” He says, a look of concern in his eyes.
Ryan draws his knees to his chest. He’d almost forgotten about Shane.
“Sorry,” Brendon mumbles. “I’ve been busy.”
With me, not you. Fuck off.
“With what, dude?” He asks, crawling through the window fully. “Oh. There’s a pretty boy in your bed, okay.” Brendon flushes, elbowing Shane harshly in the ribs. “Ow, what? He’s drop-dead gorgeous.”
Ryan squirms slightly under the attention. “Thanks?” He says, wrapping his arms around himself. He wasn’t used to being complimented this openly by men, and he suddenly felt silly for being jealous.
They murmur conversation, and Brendon looks unamused at something Shane says before he introduces himself.
“I know,” Ryan says.
Brendon looks down to hide a smile. “It’s creepy when you say that to people, you know.”
“Sorry,” Ryan mumbles. “I’m Ryan.”
“Cool,” He says, shifting awkwardly before speaking again. “ I just came to check on you, really.” He says to Brendon. “You always respond to my calls, I thought maybe all the night shifts at the cemetery finally drove you crazy. Glad to know you’re okay.” He says. He brushes hair from his forehead and kisses his temple gently.
That didn’t last long. Ryan was jealous again, and suddenly very pissed, because that’s not something you just do to somebody unless you’re dating or seriously in love, which would mean Brendon has been lying to him.
“I’ll leave you to it,” Shane says.
“He came all the way here just to check on you? I thought you said you weren’t dating.” Ryan says once Shane is gone. Was he even allowed to be mad about this? It’s not like Brendon and him were dating.
Brendon sighs. “We aren’t.” He says. “And he only lives, like, a ten minute walk from here. ‘S not that far.” He mumbles. He sits in bed again, and Ryan leans closer, brushing hair from the base of Brendon’s neck. Shane would have to get the memo Brendon was taken. He pauses for a moment, giving Brendon time to protest, before sinking his teeth into Brendon’s neck. Brendon lets out a girly-sounding yelp, and Ryan just bites him again.
“Does he know that?” Ryan says sarcastically.
“I would hope so,” he responds, his voice sounding strangled. Ryan bites him again, harder this time, and Brendon gasps. “Fuck,” he breathes out “fuck. That’s too high.” Ryan assesses the situation for a moment. It would leave a mark, nice and visible, but Ryan knew Brendon wore shirts with high enough collars around his family. He changed in the cemetery, Ryan knew this by now. He couldn’t find himself caring much, so he shrugs, kissing the marks. He licks over them gently. “Fuck,” Brendon says again, and Ryan can’t help but notice how quickly he’s rendered Brendon, usually so talkative, into nothing but a singular expletive.
Ryan moves to straddle Brendon’s lap, and Brendon’s hands immediately come to rest on his waist, pushing his shirt up. He grips his hip bones, and Ryan can hardly think anymore. He cups Brendon’s face with one hand, kissing him hungrily as the other moves to swipe blood from his neck. He pulls away from the kiss to make eye contact with Brendon as he licks the blood from his thumb, and he can feel Brendon’s half-hard cock becoming fully erect underneath him.
Ryan dips his head to lick the beads of blood once more, sucking on them occasionally to draw out more blood. He was moaning quietly against his skin, taking in the taste of blood and sweat on Brendon’s skin.
“Ryan,” Brendon breathes out, and Ryan doesn’t really want to stop, but he knows that tone. His hands were running over his spine, and he squirms slightly, pulling away with resignation. “Yeah?” He responds, his voice just as breathy as Brendon’s. “Too much?”
“No, god no.” Brendon says with a small laugh. “If you put a CD in my stereo it’ll drown out noise.” He says.
Ryan hums. He’d done this enough times to know how to keep from getting caught. He mouths at his neck, considering biting down again. “What if I don’t want to do any more than this?”
“Then you’ll still need to put a CD in the stereo.”
Ryan falters slightly at that, because it meant even just this was enough to make him loud, and it turned him on more than he’d like to admit. “You could just be quiet.” Ryan says, moving to bury his face in the crook of Brendon’s neck. “I think I’m done, anyways. Wine makes me tired.” He kisses Brendon’s jaw once before pulling away, moving to climb off of Brendon’s lap. Brendon pulls him back down gently, and Ryan sighs, kissing him.
Ryan cups his jaw gently, maneuvering them so Brendon was hovering over him, Ryan flat on his back. Brendon settles between his legs, and Ryan eventually pulls away with a soft laugh. “I’ve never seen anybody this worked up over this, actually.” He says, playing with the hair on the nape of Brendon’s neck.
Brendon flushes. “Really?”
Ryan huffs. He was cute, too cute, and before he knows it he’s tugging at Brendon’s hair, pouting. Brendon makes a noise of complaint, and Ryan pets him. It’s more a joke than anything, but Brendon whimpers quietly, flushing, and Ryan can tell he’s accidently discovered something.
“Jesus.” Ryan murmurs. He shoves at Brendon as an outlet for his aggression and moves to get up, but Brendon makes a small sound of protest, trying to pull him back down. “You’re clingy,” Ryan says. “Whiny, too. Hold on.”
He rifles through one of Brendon’s drawers, pulling out a Joy Division CD.
The stereo clicks on.
***
Ryan can’t remember the last time he’s been in a good relationship, and he’s not sure if he ever has. Sure, he’s had plenty of girlfriends, always pretty little blonde things, but they never lasted.
Not for lack of trying on their part, he just couldn’t make anything stick. He got argumentative, didn’t pay his bills, went MIA for weeks at a time…
He was difficult to love, he knew, and here he was laying next to the most beautiful boy he’s ever laid his eyes on.
Brendon was capable of loving anything. He could breathe life into anything. Maybe even Ryan.
Maybe, if Ryan let him.
Despite this, he slept like the dead after sex. August And Everything After clicks for the 100th time in the stereo, replaying once more. Ryan didn’t mind, he loved this album.
He liked to pretend Brendon didn’t know that, it was easier that way. Easier to pretend Brendon hadn’t hunted it down specifically for Ryan to find the next time they hooked up.
Brendon slept a lot more these days, but it was nice to see. He’d since quit his job at the cemetery, moving on to greater things (which was, really, a smoothie hut that was too far away to justify him working there) and he had much more time to sleep as a result.
He didn’t mind drifting in and out of sleep with Brendon for hours at a time, and he definitely didn’t mind watching him sleep, but Brendon was clingy.
He’d noticed this almost immediately. Even when they had first started hanging out, he always sat too close. He was always touchy, just something that was in his nature, and it definitely didn’t stop there.
Which, sometimes, landed him in quite a predicament, like now, where after sex he was curled around Ryan, who was painfully aware that if any of his family were to walk in, they’d find them in this compromising position. Plus, it was always hard to let Brendon sleep when he was so fucking cute, because all Ryan really wanted to do was nip at him.
After a few hours of drifting in and out of sleep, he can’t help himself anymore, and he nips gently at Brendon’s arm before actually biting down. Brendon just hums, used to it by now.
“Why’re you so tense?” Brendon murmurs, burying his face against Ryan’s shoulder.
“‘S nothing.” Ryan mumbles, his hands running across Brendon’s shoulderblades, occasionally squeezing him.
“What time is it?”
“Almost time for me to go.” Brendon makes a sound of protest, and Ryan huffs a laugh, shaking his head. “I know, how dare I. I have an exam this afternoon, unfortunately.”
Brendon sighs. He’d sometimes try to get Ryan to come back after college classes, but Ryan never said yes. He’d resign himself to a night sleeping alone. Ryan rolls his eyes. “Seriously, it’s an hour away, and most of my friends live up there. I miss Spencer. I have so much to tell him, and I’ve been down here with you for a week. I’ll see you Wednesday.” He says, caressing his face gently before scratching his chin. Brendon’s pupils dilate instantly, and Ryan has to bite his lip to keep from saying something stupid. “...You could come over after work.” Ryan says, his voice slightly breathless. He could barely keep his hands to himself like this, but his family was awake, and it would be too risky to start anything. “I live alone, so…”
Brendon raises his eyebrows, smirking. “So?”
“So we wouldn’t have to be as careful.” He says, tugging Brendon’s hair. “And you could meet Spencer. You two would get along.”
“I’m always tired after work.” Brendon says, rolling over onto his back.
Ryan hums, grabbing one of his hands. “I know.” He says, kissing his wrist. “Stay the night,”
“Okay,” Brendon says eventually. It took more convincing than Ryan would have thought, and he hopes he doesn’t regret it. Then again, offering to introduce him to Spencer was about the closest Brendon would get to meeting his parents.
Brendon groans. “I don’t want to go to work.” He complains. Ryan smiles against his skin, nipping gently at his wrist. He rarely kept his hands or lips to himself when Brendon was near. “Don’t.” He mumbles, trying to pull his hand away. “It’ll be too hard to cover.”
Ryan thinks about biting down anyway, just to be bratty about it, but he can tell Brendon is mentally prepping himself for hours of a blender and annoying customers, and he knows better than to test him when he’s in one of his moods. He looks up at Brendon, and Brendon is instantly a goner, rolling onto his side to kiss him languidly.
Maybe his clinginess wasn’t so bad afterall.
It was nice to feel wanted.