Work Text:
A lot of things can be said about Colt Seavers, but being a prude isn’t one of them. He would go as far as to say that he loves love. He loves being in love, loves the ugly and the beautiful parts of it. The yearning, the romance, the fights, the making up. Watching love blossom between two people is something he usually finds endearing, as much in real life as the movies.
Except for when it’s happening between his twin brother and Tom fucking Ryder.
It’s times like this, when he is forced to sit at Ryland’s kitchen table, across from him, and watch him beam at his phone, like he is talking to some mystical being, that Colt really regrets ever introducing them. He had figured that if he spent enough time on telling Ryland how much of a piece of work Ryder was, it would be enough to negate whatever celebrity crush he had harbored on the guy. It had seemed to work, his brother had told Tom exactly where he could shove his phone number, the first time they had met. Except that two months later Colt had the displeasure of walking in on the two of them sucking faces in Ryder’s trailer on set. Mind you, Colt wasn’t even aware that Ryland was visiting the set.
That was over three months ago, and his twin, who he once held in such high regard is now still going steady with Ryder of all people.
Matter of fact, he is giggling at his phone right now. Giggling. His very smart, respectable, scientist-turned-teacher of a brother, reduced to a schoolgirl with a crush. Over a text from Tom Ryder.
Colt is going to be sick.
“He cannot possibly be that funny.” He mumbles under his breath, tiredly dragging a hand across his face. “I have known that guy for eight years. He has never been witty enough to warrant a giggle like that.”
Ryland scoffs at his words, rolling his eyes like Colt is the one being unreasonable here.
“I don’t giggle.” He doesn’t take his eyes off the screen, even as he says that, his thumbs working on typing out a text to his paramour. “And even if I did, so what? You giggle at Jody’s texts all the time.”
“That is completely different!”
“Literally how?”
“Because Jody is Jody. She is incredible and charming and witty and beautiful. Ryder is…” Colt makes a face that he thinks encapsulates his feelings about said actor’s character.
Ryland finally looks up from his phone, but only to shoot a disapproving glare at his brother.
“Well, I think Tom is incredible and charming and witty too. He’s also considerate and romantic and attentive.” He says it with such certainty that it floors Colt. He considers, not for the first time since this debacle started, that Ryder is brainwashing his brother. Has to be.
“Ry, you’re talking about the man who sent me a prayer hands emoji after I broke my back, redoing a stunt for him, because he was bitching about ‘too much face’. Tom Ryder has never been considerate a day in his life.”
Ryland purses his lips and looks away for a moment, before sighing deeply.
“Yes, well. We all have room for improvement and Tom has been working on himself. He’s not like that anymore.” His voice is quiet, but he sounds sure in a way that Colt recognizes as stubbornness. He knows better than to try to change his mind when he sounds like this. He is going to try anyway.
“Ry. I mean it with all the honesty in my heart when I say this, you could do infinitely better than Tom Jackass Ryder.” He knows that he’s getting on Ryland’s last nerve, he can tell by the irritated twitch of his lips and the huff of breath he exhales through his nose, as he fixes Colt with a hard look.
“Well, maybe I don’t want to do better! Maybe I just want to do Tom. Okay, that is not what I meant,” Ryland clarifies quickly, seeing the look of horror on Colt’s face.
“Jesus Christ,” he mutters to himself, looking at the table with a haunted look in his eyes. “I’m never going to get that mental image out of my head.”
“You’re such a piece of work sometimes.” Ryland has the gall to get huffy with him, still glaring at him, despite the flush of embarrassment on his cheeks.
“Oh, well, excuse me for not wanting to imagine Tom Ryder screwing my twin brother!” Colt throws his hands up in exasperation, nearly knocking over his now-cold cup of coffee. “We have the same face, Ry. If I have to picture him doing unspeakable things to you, it’s like I’m picturing him doing those things to me. Do you understand how horrifying that is?”
Ryland lets out an offended scoff, shaking his head.
“No one told you to picture it, you nincompoop. It was a slip of the tongue. Also, why do you assume that he’s the one doing unspeakable things to me and not the other way around? For all you know, I could be —”
“Holy shit, I’m begging you to stop.” Ryland rolls his eyes at his suffering tone, but as soon as he opens his mouth to speak, Colt plugs his ears and shuts his eyes. “Lalalalalala I can’t hear you and your sexcapades with Ryder.”
The sharp kick to his shin under the table is somewhat deserved, Colt has to admit.
Gail Meyer has been working with Tom Ryder for longer than she cares to count. She’s seen him at his worst and she’s seen him at his best. She saw the potential in him, the talent, the charisma and most importantly, the very marketable good looks. She also saw him through all his scandals and disastrous love affairs, had to handle obsessive exes and one-night stands that threatened a smear campaign after being left in the dust. Everyone wanted a piece of Tom Ryder and some of them didn’t take it too kindly when Tom Ryder didn’t want a piece of them.
This is new, though.
This relationship that Tom has with the twin brother of Colt Seavers, of all people.
When Tom started sneaking the guy on to set, when they started disappearing for suspicious lengths of time in his trailer, Gail figured that it was just one of those flings that Tom had from time to time. Something for him to occupy himself with between scenes, blow off some steam, have some fun.
Then Ryder himself started disappearing from set. Never when he was really needed, just on off days between takes. It didn’t take long for her to find out where he was going, because it was always the same place. San Francisco. The same place where his lover lived.
Even when he wasn’t with the guy, he was still with him. Tom was always glued to his phone, texting, calling, always with the same dumb grin on his lips and that fond, yearning look in his eyes. Hushed words of “I love you” and “I miss you” and “I wish you were here” spoken into the tiny microphone, like sacred promises of a love far gentler than she’d imagined Tom be capable of.
That was when Gail realized that this thing was different.
She sat Tom down, told him all the risks that might come if he engaged in a serious, committed relationship.
“You will lose fans,” she said.
“I don’t care,” was his response.
Gail did care, quite a lot actually, but she was nothing if not a solution finder. So instead of breaking them apart, she decided to spin this into a fairy tale love story for the press. Yes, Tom has a serious partner, who is not a part of the industry. Unlikely lovers, who met far away from the lights and the cameras. Isn’t it just so sweet how much Tom loves his partner? How much they value their privacy?
So that was that.
Now, Gail doesn’t hate Ryland. She is fairly indifferent towards him, cordial when she needs to be, but ultimately, she doesn’t find him terribly interesting as a person. As a concept she does, because she truly never imagined that Tom Ryder would actually settle down with anyone. Ever.
These days though, she doesn’t even bat an eye by the easy domesticity between the two men. Even as Ryland approaches her on set, looking out of place as ever, she thinks it’s just another Thursday now.
“Oh, hello darling. Such a pleasure to see you here on set. Can I help you with anything?” She greets him with a saccharine smile that is entirely plastic. Again, she doesn’t dislike the guy, but she has learned that Ryland gets to the point quicker when prompted, and she has better things to do than to chat with him aimlessly.
“Hey, Gail.” His voice is impressively awkward, considering that he’s dating the biggest star on this set. “Do you know where Tom is? He’s not answering my texts.”
He waves his phone in the air, like she needs proof of his claim. Like Gail might doubt, for whatever reason, that he is allowed to look for his boyfriend, at his workplace. Sheesh, talk about impostor syndrome.
“Oh, he is a little busy right now. Jody wants to do a long one-shot scene, so reshooting takes some time.” Gail shrugs with a fake laugh, in a very ‘well, what can you do?’ fashion. “They’ve been at it for over an hour now. I’m honestly surprised Ryder hasn’t thrown a fit yet.”
Ryland winces sympathetically, though Gail isn’t sure if his sympathy is directed at her, Tom, or Jody. She suspects it might be all three.
“Oh. I see.” He shifts on his feet, looking uncertain as ever. Honestly, Gail doesn’t get how Ryder took a look at this man and decided that yeah, he was it. “Do you think it’ll take much longer? We were supposed to have lunch together and I have to get back to my next class in forty minutes.”
Sure enough, now that Gail takes a proper look at him, Ryland is wearing one of his horrible teaching outfits — seriously, who pairs a grey blazer with blue jeans and a red tie? — with his school lanyard hanging around his neck. He is also clutching a paper bag in his hand that isn’t holding his phone, and Gail would bet all of her fortune on the bag containing not only his, but Ryder’s lunch too.
What did she say earlier? Domestic.
“I’m not too sure, darling.” She shrugs with a tight-lipped smile that she hopes comes across as sympathetic, patting him on the shoulder.
Ryland visibly deflates a little, looking a little like a lost puppy, which admittedly tugs on Gail’s heartstrings a little. What can she say? She isn’t entirely heartless, of course.
“You know what, why don’t you go over there and have a look?” She proposes, her hands already on Ryland’s shoulders, as she turns him towards where the scene is being shot. “I have a sneaking suspicion that Ryder might want to take his lunch break when he sees you, scene or not.”
Despite Ryland’s hesitant stammering, she gives him a good push, and keeps her eyes trained on his retreating form, just to be sure. She watches from the distance as he finally gets close enough for Ryder to notice him. She sees the way the actor snaps into focus, always eager to show off in front of his boyfriend. It doesn't take long for the take to be done after that, and Gail watches with an amused smirk as Tom bounces over to Ryland, scooping him up in his arms. Ryland pretends to struggle in his hold a little, before returning the embrace, and the look they exchange is so sweet and thick with love, that it reminds Gail of molasses. It’s a look that she has only ever seen on Ryder when it was faked in front of a camera. Before Ryland, that is.
Yeah. This is different now.
Jody Moreno loves a good love story — be it on film, or in real life. One of her favourite movies is Notting Hill, after all. Not to mention the absolute romantic drama she had to go through with her own boyfriend. They’re thankfully going steady now, in love as can be, and life has never been quite so good.
She is even directing her second film now! Better yet, her boyfriend is one of the stunt coordinators, which means they can work together basically every day. Sure, she also has to work with Tom Ryder again, but truth be told, he hasn’t been such a nightmare lately. She has a sneaking suspicion that it has a lot to do with her unofficial brother-in-law and his influence on the actor. It’s sweet, she thinks, how absolutely whipped the two are for eachother — even if Colt seems to disagree, clearly not liking his brother’s chosen partner.
Speaking of, she sees her boyfriend approach her, sitting down on the seat next to her at the crafty table. Before she can even swallow the coffee she has in her mouth to greet him, Colt starts talking with a concerning level of urgency.
“Whatever Ryder asks from you, say no.”
Jody dabs the corner of her lips with a napkin, furrowing her eyebrows when Colt doesn’t bother elaborating.
“Right, because that’s not super ominous, or anything.” Her confusion only grows at the long, suffering sigh she gets in response. “Seriously, what is going on?”
“He left his phone at home.” Colt is giving her a look, like the implications of that should be obvious. When Jody only continues to look at him like he’s speaking in riddles, he sighs again. “He’s been bitching all day about not being able to talk to Ryland. He even asked me if he could borrow my phone, so he could call him between his classes. Can you believe that? He wants me to hand my phone over, so he can talk to my brother, on my phone. It’s nuts!”
The way he stresses that part is telling enough and now it’s Jody’s turn to sigh. She gets it, she wasn’t a big fan of the relationship in the beginning either. She is also adult enough to recognise that it isn’t her place to judge, especially after Ryder has proven himself to be quite a decent romantic partner, over the last few months.
“I don’t see the issue.” She admits with a sigh, ignoring her boyfriend’s squawks of disbelief. “I think it’s quite sweet, actually.”
“It’s codependent, that’s what it is. You think Ry would want to be bombarded with a million texts and calls while he’s working?”
“Have you asked him what he wants?” The following silence, accompanied by the grimace on Colt’s lips is telling enough. Jody sighs again. “Look, Colt, your brother is a grown man, who is plenty capable of saying no to his own boyfriend. Besides, from what I’ve seen, he loves the attention.”
Colt pulls a face that is somewhere between disgusted and offended.
“That is disgusting, Jod. Please never say that to me ever again.” He huffs, shaking his head, like he’s trying to physically get rid of the thought. “And I don’t need to ask Ry what he wants. We’re twins, I know about everything that goes through his head. Well, okay, not everything, cause he knows a lot more science stuff than I do. But the important stuff is all here.” He taps his finger against the side of his own head.
Jody loves her boyfriend, she really does, but sometimes she can’t believe him. She’s sure that her expression mirrors that feeling, based on the frown settling on Colt’s face.
“Okay,” she sighs. “Whatever. I seriously doubt that Ryder would —”
“Jody!”
Well, speak of the devil, Jody thinks, as a heavy arm wraps around her shoulder, the scent of Earth. Minerals. Stone. eau de parfum hitting her nose. Colt immediately tenses up next to her, giving the actor a dirty look.
“Dude, do you mind —”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Tom waves Colt’s complaints off, like he couldn’t care less. He is leaning into Jody’s personal space, probably a bit closer than she would ever care to have him, but then again, he isn’t known for respecting personal boundaries. “Jody, I seriously need you to help me out here.”
“Is this about Ryland?” The way Tom’s face brightens instantly is answer enough.
“How did you know?” Jody tips her head towards Colt and Ryder rolls his eyes, when he catches sight of the fuming look on his stunt double’s face. “Yeah, Colt was being a real bitch to me, you know. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a Shakespeare drama, forbidden romance and all that. He’s such a Montague.”
“That makes you the Juliet in this metaphor, dipshit.” Colt grumbles with a grimace, only receiving an unconcerned shrug in response.
“Yeah, I basically am. Rich, powerful, young, breathtakingly beautiful.”
“You’re such an idiot.”
“Yeah and I still bagged my Romeo, so…”
“Stop it, both of you.” Jody massages her temples, already feeling the beginning of a stress-induced headache. Colt backs down with a huff, crossing his arms like a fussy toddler. That turns into a gaping look of disbelief, as Jody fishes her phone out of her pocket.
“Oh, you can’t be serious!”
“Jody. You are a lifesaver.” Ryder looks at her like she is about to hand over the moon on a silver platter, completely forgetting his previous annoyance. It’s sweet, which isn’t a word Jody would usually associate with Tom Ryder.
“Don’t mention it. Just… Could you maybe put Ryland on speaker first? Colt is worried that you are bothering him.”
Tom wrinkles his nose at the sentiment, while Colt whines something about “I told you that in confidence.” Either way, Tom complies and all three of them lean over the phone on the table, counting the rings until Ryland finally picks up.
“Hey, Jody. Is something —”
“Ryland!” Ryder’s voice is beaming as he greets his boyfriend, eyes basically sparkling as he stares at the phone. “Honey, baby, I missed you all day. I left my phone at home, can you believe that?”
“…Tommy? Hey, I was wondering why you weren’t answering my texts.” Ryland sounds very far from bothered by the call. If anything, his voice brightens up, his smile audible in his tone.
“Tommy? Since when do you call him Tommy?” Colt asks, like he’s personally offended by the nickname.
“Colt? I’m sorry, what exactly is going on?” Ryland sounds confused, which is fair. Tom huffs at the question, shooting Colt a sharp glare.
“I had to put you on speaker, sunshine. Your brother refused to lend me his phone, so I had to borrow Jody’s. He seems to think that you don’t want to hear from your awesome boyfriend while you’re at work. Can you believe that?”
There’s a long sigh on the other end of the line and suddenly, Colt seems to have lost some of his earlier bite. He looks fairly sheepish, in fact, especially when Ryland addresses him directly.
“Colt. What did I tell you about being nice to Tom?” Jody would love to say that she’s surprised by the fact that this has apparently become issue enough for Ryland to treat his brother like a middle schooler over it. Unfortunately, she can’t find an ounce of shock in herself at the knowledge.
“But Ry, he’s totally unreasonable, he was trying to steal my phone earlier —”
“Steal your phone? That is a gross accusation Seavers, I asked very politely —”
Jody and Ryland let out matching sighs of fond exasperation on either end of the line, before finally stepping in to metaphorically scruff their respective boyfriends.
Marissa has known Ryland Grace since grad school, since before his doctorate, and before his shooting star of a career in academia, way before he became the cool science teacher he is today. She knew him when he was still in his rebellious phase, she knew him through his few disastrous relationships — she still shudders when she thinks of Linda — and she was also witness to his very long period of staying single. Safe to say, she has never seen him like this before.
“— and then he was all like ‘I don’t get it’, so I had to explain it to him that it’s funny because negative numbers are below zero, and nothing means zero here. He was so adorable, Marissa, he had the sweetest, dumbest little grin on his face when he understood the joke, it was honestly so —”
Yeah. If you were to tell Marissa five years ago that she’d one day listen to Dr Ryland Academically-Stuck-Up Grace rave about his “charmingly simple-minded” boyfriend one day, she probably wouldn’t believe you. Nowadays, it would be far more concerning if Ryland didn’t spend at least twenty minutes gushing about him.
Marissa can’t lie, it’s endearing, even if she was a little caught off guard the first time Ryland brought the mystery man up. Well, it’s not much of a mystery anymore, but back when it was just a situationship taken too far, Ryland wasn’t exactly forthcoming about the identity of his lover.
She gets it, really. If she was dating an internationally celebrated movie star, she’d probably be a little secretive too.
“— and then when I said ‘good boy’, he got jealous. I couldn’t believe it, I was flabbergasted. I literally said ‘Tom, you cannot seriously be jealous of your dog, that is absurd’! Honestly, sometimes he acts like I’m never nice to him. Which is not only untrue, but even if that was the case, I just know he wouldn’t mind, he’s a little freak like that —”
Yeah, alright, Marissa probably wouldn’t mind if some details were kept from her. Then again, she knows that Ryland isn’t exactly swimming in friends, even now, that he gets invited to every cool celebrity party that most can only dream of attending. She knows all too well that there are some weeks, when the only normal social interaction he gets outside of the classroom is their little Thursday night get-together at Murphy’s. She can see how hard it is for Ryland when both his boyfriend and brother are hundreds of miles away, on the set of some new movie they’re shooting. She’s glad that Tom now has a few months off to spend with Ryland in San Francisco, even if it results in an endless flow of chatter from him, about said actor and their relationship.
“— and I keep telling him that he can’t buy a koala, because number one, he is actually insane if he thinks he can take care of one, and also, I’m not moving in with a koala. I mean, I still haven’t said yes to moving in with him at all, I don’t really want to move into a mansion, and I know he won’t want to live in a normal apartment. He says we can compromise and get a penthouse, but that’s still too much for me, even if it sounds lovely. Anyway, we’re going to look at a few places tomorrow, but I told him not to get his hopes up —”
Marissa wants to be jealous, she really does. It would only be fair, really. Still, she can’t find it in herself to envy anything that Ryland is talking about. Having a super famous, mega hot, infinitely rich boyfriend, who follows you around like an eager puppy and spoils you beyond belief sounds lovely, for sure. She can only imagine how many people would kill to be in his place. That being said…
“— I don’t know, I just love him so much, you know? I know we haven’t been together that long, but he’s just… I don’t know. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before.”
She can’t imagine anyone who deserves all this more.
Courtland Gentry has a lot of regrets about his life. It’s best not to get into them all, but if we were to open that metaphorical can of worms, one thing would jump out immediately. Or, rather, two things. Two people, to be precise.
Court will never ever regret doing what he did to their late abuser. He refuses to refer to that man as their father to this very day. He does regret not doing anything sooner, though.
He has spent many sleepless nights conjuring up daydreams of a different life. One where he and his baby brothers never had to separate. One where he took the two somewhere far away, before things got too awful too quickly. He imagines taking care of them, raising them in a hidden little town, miles and miles away from Florida. Dreams of attending parent-teacher conferences, science fairs, sports events, graduations and film premiers. He imagines things going down so differently.
Unfortunately, their drunkard, piece of work sperm donor had to go and beat his baby brother up so badly that he nearly succumbed to his injuries. Court didn’t need even a fraction of a second to make the decision. Ryland’s life meant and still means far more to him than that pathetic excuse of a man’s ever did.
His infinite love for his brothers is the reason why he’s refrained from contacting them, since he had to fake his death and become Sierra Six. Even now, two years after leaving the CIA in the dust, he still feels hesitant to get too close to them. Just being in the same state feels like too big of a risk.
So, you can imagine his absolute shock, when they suddenly appear in the same town as him anyway, the decision completely out of his control.
He’s been frequenting this diner for a few months now, ever since he and Claire have taken root in the neighboring little town. The food is decent and their coffee is bottomless, not to mention that it’s an excellent spot for people watching. Which is exactly what he’s doing, when one of the waitresses lets out a loud gasp, drawing his attention.
“Oh my god, is that Tom Ryder? Gosh, he looks so good with dark hair.” She seems ready to run across the street, clearly itching for a chance to interact with the guy, even if only for the length of a photo. Then, her expression sours in a way that was impossible to miss, clearly disappointed about something. “Aw, man, his boyfriend is with him.”
“So?” Another waitress chimes in, leaning over the table she’s wiping down, trying to take a closer look at the man. “Is the boyfriend rude or something?”
“Not that I know of. But Tom has very explicitly said before that he doesn’t want to be disturbed by fans when he’s with Ryland.” The first waitress says with a sigh.
That name is all it takes for Court to follow their line of sight, to the café across the street. There is simply no way in hell that this Ryland is his Ryland. That big of a coincidence is simply too comical, too unlikely, too—
Yeah, that’s him alright.
What is he doing here? Court vaguely recognizes that brunette across from his baby brother, as the actor that Claire has been obsessed with lately. He remembers her telling him something about how it’s such a shame that he has a boyfriend, even though they’re very cute together. She gave him quite a dirty look, when he told her that the guy is twice her age anyhow.
“Well, he might come back tomorrow without the boyfriend. They’re shooting here over the whole weekend, right?” The second waitress tries cheering her coworker up, and Court tries not to wince at the information. He has to avoid Ryland over the whole weekend? Great.
He watches the couple with a pensive look, equal parts curious and apprehensive. His knowledge on Tom Ryder is admittedly somewhat inadequate, but from the interviews Claire has made him watch — along with some truly baffling fan edits, because “come on, you can’t seriously think that he’s not super hot!” — he isn’t a big fan of the guy. He seems like a typical airheaded Hollywood himbo, that gets far too much credit for being mildly charming. He can’t imagine that this is the type of man that his genius little brother is into.
And yet, he is currently witnessing Ryland lean forward and wipe some latte foam off Tom’s upper lip, his touch visibly gentle, even from across the street. He receives a sappy smile in response from the actor, who catches his wrist in a loose grip, pressing a sweet kiss on Ryland’s palm. The waitresses let out matching squeals at the sight.
Ryland blushes at the gesture from his boyfriend, booping his nose in retaliation. Court feels a little sick, like a father having to witness his daughter with her first boyfriend. Granted, Tom is most probably not Ryland’s first anything, and also, Court is barely his brother anymore, nevermind being anywhere close to a father figure.
Still, there’s a different kind of uncomfortable feeling twisting in his gut as well. It burns him, like a scorching, white-hot flame, or an acid melting and eating up his insides. It’s an overwhelming urge to get up and cross the street, to wrap Ryland in his arms, to give Tom the shovel talk, to demand his intentions. He doesn’t want to break them up, he thinks. He can see how happy Ryland looks. Court imagines that it would be easy to give them his blessing.
Except he can’t. He’s not allowed to. Or is he?
If he were to walk into that café, would Ryland even recognize him? If he recognized him, would he even want to talk to him? Would he want him back in his life? Would he want him anywhere near his boyfriend?
He thinks he might be a bit of a masochist, the way he forces himself to sit still in his booth and keep his eyes on the couple. Tom seems to have said something to make Ryland laugh, and it’s such a soothing sight for Court that he nearly bursts into tears. He remembers what it’s like to make his brother laugh. He’s hit with a longing so strong that he has to take several deep breaths, just so he doesn’t crumble to the diner’s sticky floor.
He is just about to get out of his seat and walk over there, fully prepared to grovel for forgiveness if that’s what it takes, when a pickup truck skids to a stop in front of the café. The driver presses down long and hard on the horn, catching Ryland and Tom’s attention. The actor says something and Ryland rolls his eyes, but they both get up anyway. The car’s window rolls down just as the couple exits the café, and—
Oh. Of course.
It’s Colt.
The twins instantly get into a squabble, which doesn’t surprise Court one bit. When Tom tries to chime in, they both shoot him a look, though Ryland’s glare isn’t half as sharp as Colt’s is. That checks out, too. The twins never let anyone get involved in their little spats.
Eventually, they get into the truck, and the three of them are gone, out of Court’s sight, just as quickly as they appeared. He tries not to dwell too hard on the familiarity of losing the twins.
That night, when he tosses and turns in his bed, he doesn’t imagine alternate universes. He imagines this one, more specifically a future where he was brave enough to approach his baby brothers, while they were in the same area. He imagines not losing them again. He imagines weddings that he’ll get to attend, he imagines being able to introduce Claire to her pseudo uncles, along with her favorite actor.
He falls asleep feeling hopeful, and weirdly thankful for Tom Ryder, for bringing his brothers back to him, in a weird, twisted, indirect way.