Chapter Text
There was talk around here school of a change, one for the better.
Everyone was getting on just fine with their equations of course, no need for any crazy overhaul of that, no. 2 + 2 still equalled 4. but the faculty had a big problem on their hands to solve, that being- nobody could spell. In the all ages school, it was like the students were barely literate! And things were getting rather confusing... Whose worksheet was whose? Godman12 knows Playtime is too long of a word to spell, and-
"What on earth is this word problem? apalelels? orangangenges? never heard of them, sevlen teen of them you say? how the noteboo was that word put in the decrictionary! ohh you mean... ohhh."
That's right, Anonymous Student #12 genuinely needed the apple algebra read out to him to be able to complete it. oh god, nobody could read either! I suppose to these children 2 + 2 = 4, but two plus two = HUH???
You can just imagine all the strife that this has caused the already minimal staff on duty to teach these kids, how painful it must be to have everything be auditory, and how overworked and deflated their poor souls must be. The situation conjures up a sad image in the mind, that of a little bald face opening its dry mouth after a long day at work... Only for nothing to come out, vocal chords weakly flapping to no avail.
Horror.
Under the normal circumstance of about 13 terms ago, of course things were different. It's not like there wasn't once an English department before this great lull, it's not like there hasn't been better days for the Basic's education system, it's not like there was always this violent lack of funding, time and willpower- there was a time before the literacy crisis of here school that everyone remembers fondly. But that was under a kinder creator... In the staff room, rumours fly about that.
"I understand that he might be going through a rough patch, don't we aaaaaall?"
Baldi used the topic to break the silence, tearing through the depressive haze of being off duty during lunch break, that overcomes adults as they are forced to talk to their colleagues. It seemed lunch times had only been getting worse since they've all started feeling more akin to army comrades lately rather than a team of co-workers, -that never helps the staff room mood.
"But, I can tell, it's getting a little, a tad bit much, right crew?" Everyone sloppily slid their gaze towards Baldi, nobody could muster up the vocal strength to speak of course, so they all just nodded their heads in exhaustive agreement.
"I mean, well, usually the big guy upstairs would tap away on his special ThinkPad to give us something new after taking something away.. but, you all already know that. and how, uhm, we've been without for quite a.. a while now. its.. uhm... got to be taking a toll on, moraaaaale or.. uh..."
his voice just became hoarser by the minute, meeker, like he had run out entirely of ways to placate his comrades through these trenches. Oh Baldi, always trying so pathetically to lighten the mood. The nervous laugh tacked on to the end of the sentence wrapped the gesture of support up in a tattered ribbon, one immediately grabbed by the Principal Of The Thing as he interrupted Baldi's ramblings, striding in from the corridor.
"Look, everyone" The sound of a clear, clean, fully intact voice was somewhat startling to the workforce as they heard it. It was an uncommon compilation of vibrations, both being an unbroken sound, and being spoken by the famously silent principal. One way to get people to listen to you is to only speak when it's important or commanding, I suppose. Another upside of such silence was that save for his usual mellow student berating, his vocal chords got off scot free.
Everybody tucked in their shirt and straightened up their posture in the man's presence, as they attended his speech.
"Complaining can't help us much longer, as much as I know you all like to do so, and as much as it might've worked in the past." he stated calmly, as everyone attentively listened.
"We've tried reaching out, Cloudy Copter's angry sky writing has gotten us nowhere and Baldi's big help shaped fire over in the camping map did less than nothing." Baldi and Cloudy both shot Principal the same disgruntled look. But the man's face remained unchanged and his voice unwavering even as cloudy silently slipped outside, looking more self conscious than he should, as he went off to fulfil his chaperone duties.
"The situation is presented to me as being more than clear,- Mr. Myst... has forgotten to press update." Principal pressed on,
"I have no doubt that he is develo-"
"Maybe he's punishing us, and there is no update. Maybe we're just doomed to suffer forever."
Goddamn Dr. Reflex and his interrupting bad ideas. You'd think the man would've become somewhat more socially passable since integrating into the workforce, but alas, there he is. What was he on about? What is he ever on about? Way to knock the mood down a few more pegs lad, in fact, what a way to kick the peg board over altogether, gold star.
Who else but Baldi would feel guilty enough to force themselves to lighten the mood- "Now, reflex, its uncertain times, sure, but you must stay positiiiiiive, or you'll go completely spare here! Not even I could invent a gadget to take away anxious thoughts, but just imagine an off switch, a-"
"Baldiboobles if we could please get back to the matter at hand."
"Oh, of course! silly me.. wait..." -And before the room could stew on that any longer, Principal launched back into his captivating spiel.
"Yes, well I assure you all that just as contacting our superior has proven to achieve nothing, pessimism and complaints will lead us to achieving far, far less. And by this I am NOT suggesting some violent, angry, sleep deprived, caffeine fuelled uprising... But we might need to take matters... Somewhat into our own hands, like a DIY initiative."
As the principal started to smugly smile, the rusty cogs started turning in the educator's brains. from the little stimulus given, and even with the preface, it seemed the faculty had immediately gotten the complete wrong idea.
Everyone shot to their feet, excited and angry, suddenly reinvigorated by imagery of flipping the bird to the sky box and tearing it all down!
...and then everyone's feet turned to jelly. (it has been proven time and time again here, that exhaustion is a force greater than any gravity or upthrust.)
The Principal looked on at his depleted workforce and saw the general public, the layman, the target audience. So willing to be manipulated, so easily controlled and suggested, soooo sooooooooo stupid or so he thought. He sighed, and that rare slight smile he bore melted clean off of his face as he observed the puddle of people.
"Team. There will be no pitchforks."
Groans rattled through the breakroom, bellowing from the melted mass. Nothing EVER happens here!
Everyone sluggishly crawled back into their seats and slumped over, slowly growing more accustomed to the formality of having the Principal in the break room. That was everyone except Reflex, who tucked his shirt back in and uncrossed his legs. Everybody was feeling the stress now far more than before, and the coalition was wearing the tiredness on their faces. It mildly concerned principal that from the corner of his eye, he could see Baldi's singular hair standing up completely straight into the air, which only happens when he's COMPLETELY fucked up. Or high. Either way it would be a bad thing for here school.
"I am merely suggesting that we have an open space here to talk effectively, to actually get something done. We need suggestions about what we can practically do." The man emphasised 'practically' because he knew if he didn't, somebody would suggest spells.
"And what do you suppose be done then, hm?" Mrs. Pomp's airy voice drifted over to the principal, as she lazily filed her nails and worried at a bunion.
The Principal did not show his startling at being challenged by the cold, elegant woman, though Baldi placed a hand in his, knowing him too well.
With a clearing of the throat the principal replied- "Well, actually as a newly introduced initiative, I'm supposed to ask you all questions more often to be more... utilitarian, in my actions. ensure the most sentient joy by collecting... opinions." he glanced down at baldi sitting beside him as he stood outwardly to the seated line-up, and baldi flicked him a little smile of pride.
"Yeah, right." Mrs Pomp muttered her retort almost inaudibly, but it got to those who needed to hear it.
regardless of how much Mrs Pomp's interactions always shake his confidence, the figurehead had to press on yet again.
"So..." Though it pained him somewhat to listen to the suggestions of those under him, he continued- "Any ideas? At all?"
... The room grew tense as it always did after anyone important stopped speaking. The open floor fell silent as everybody proved too socially awkward to put an idea forward.
That is, everybody except Gotta Sweep, who was posted up against the dingy Microsoft paint sink in the corner. For some beautiful reason he chimed in, and yelled in his usual enthusiastic tone-
"ISNT THERE N' ENGLISH ROOM STILL CODED INTO THE BASEMENT? SOUNDS LIKE WE GOTTA GO GO GO!".
And by some radical aligning of the stars, he was right. Somehow!?!? There WAS a still coded English room, with books and computers and furnishings and desks, the whole lot maybe! It might've seen better days but it sure as void was there!
This of course Principoobles already knew. So he interjected- "Correct, Sweep, but I'm looking for accessible, pragmatic answers- there is no viable way to possibly get to th-"
"YOU CAN GET ANYWHERE IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH!"
... hmm...
"YOU MISUNDERSTAND MAN, EVERY DAY I GOTTA CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN, AND THAT MEANS I GOT THE KEY KEY KEYS TO EVERYWHERE I GOTTA GO GO GO!"
Now everyone's attention was captivated, Sweep has brain activity? Woahhh... But more importantly, the selfish mind was fixated on the broom because of the glimmer of hope his speech was now providing to their weakened vocal folds. Reflex, being the man that he is, heard a certain uncaring admirable bravado in the broom's tone that he wished that he had, and Cloudy Copter glanced in through the window from the playground outside as they managed the children, because of the sheer mad volume of the object. For any sort of reason, everyone was immediately intrigued and captivated. Well, I'm not sure Mrs. Pomp really got too bothered about much that day.
"Expand." The Principal commanded, taking back the stage.
"WELL I GOTS TO SWEEP EVERYWHERE, NO CORNER LEFT DUSTY YO! THERES ALL SORTS OF FUH FUH FREAKY BENDS AND TURNS N' THIS SCHOOL, ONE OF THE WEIRDER ONES IS THAT INGERLISH ROOM. THAT ONE, IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE KINDSA WEIRD THOUGH, BECAUSE, UH, BECAUSE, EVERY TIME I GO IN RECENTLY THERE'S A FREAKY LITTLE GUH GUH GUY! I THINK IT MIGHT BE OCCUPADO MANN!"
...huh?
"WE COULD YELL HIM OUT TO USE IT FOR... UH, INGERLISHINGS, TELL HIM TO GO DO SOME MATH MATH MATH BUT.. HE DOESNT LOOK LIKE A STUDENT? BUUUUT I DONT THINKS I COULD SAY HE LOOKS LIKE A TEACHER DO'S EITHER, LIKE I SAID, FREAKY GUY! AND, UH, HE DOESNT LIKE ME ANYWAYS, SAYS IM TOO LOUD, AND HE always CORRECTS MY GRAMERER."
While the room was sat still and stunned, consider Baldi's interest as the here school safeguarding lead to have been fully piqued, and the dusty old cogs in his brain to be fully churning. His eyes diverted from sweep's to principal's as he sat up straighter, not wanting to miss hearing a detail, but also wanting to probe Principal for answers as the school's head.
"UHH I DONT KNOW THOUGH, SEEMS IMPORTANT TO ME. I FINK IF YOU TOOK A LOADA PEOPLE DOWN THERE AND LOCKED THEM UP LIKE THE LITTLE GUY, THEY WOULD READ ALL THE BOOKS TOO AND GET.. UH... SMORT!"
After another characteristic moment of silence, the Principal angrily sighed. "Sweep, are you telling us that you've had the key to the firewall on the old English room this whole time, have heard us complaining, and said nothing?"
The Principal angrily sighed.
"With all due respect, sir I don't think that part of what he said matters as much as the fact tha-"
"WHAAAAAT... YOU NEVER ASKED ASKED ASKED!" Reflex let slip an immature giggle at both sweep's retort, and the fact that Baldi was cut off. It was immediately shot down by the principal's sharp glare being wielded against him, before the authority figure placed his face in his hands momentarily. don't worry, a very bald hand was on his back immediately after, and a suddenly very self conscious Reflex slapped his hands over his mouth and tucked his shirt in even tighter.
"Right... Alright.. Ok." ... "Are you also telling us that there is someone in there?"
The Principal retorted, disgruntled, as baldi chimed in- "sweep, did they talk like a student, or a teacher, or neither?" Which was delivered with a warm understanding smile directed at the broom.
"UHH, errrrrRRRRRRMMMMMM, A NEITHER, IT WAS LIKE A BOTH." You could almost hear Sweep's rusty gears churning inside of his head to produce that one.
"Fascinating..." Baldi wondered, "Do.. Do they need help? We've gotta go down there if there's someone we haven't met regaaardless, I mean they could be isolated and upset, not knowing anybody here. so many questions that come with a new character huh!"
And Baldi's hope once again seemed to comfort everybody in the room, as they considered their future prospects being brightened.
Funny, you never expect to be enlightened by a broom on your lunch break.
"Correct." The Principal's voice used the light affirmation to slide into the exchange.
"If we have sufficient means to access the room we must utilize it for all it is worth, regardless of what our kindly creator has in store for us in the future, we must use this NOW. And I suppose whomever is down there might theoretically be of use to us too if not another student." When the Principal Of The Thing used big words, everyone tended to agree with him. That is everyone except Baldi, who wasn't so easily swayed.
The bald man (who is actually GINGER btw. did yk that?) grimaced- "'Of use'? pal, that's a person, not a hologram, we've talked about this."
"Right," He said, followed by a whispered apology and then a louder, prouder- "Alright then, you'll stick to your initiative, and I'll stick to mine."
"Baldi, Sweep will let you into the old basement English room tomorrow, report back to me what you find. I've learnt that in the past you have been the best here at dealing with.. delicate circumstances, so I extend that trust to you again going forward."
"Oh, and, uhm, lady Pomp?" the aforementioned woman turned her head slowly towards the awkward remark. "You'll cover for Baldi while he's gone."
"Rodger that captain!" Baldi playfully chimed, just as the bell chimed outside.
And "Aye aye..." Drawled Pomp sarcastically, as she slipped out into the busying hallway.
The remaining staff looked at each other in a rare moment of shared satisfaction, for once after a lunch break they had actually been re-energised, re-invigored! Even as everybody slid into their coded positions, they still felt funnily fine. The students came shuffling in, all pouring through the doors as ushered and guided by Cloudy, and the staff dispersed to their useful posts, excited for the new prospects that laid ahead of them.
'Deal with it I will!' thought our bald, bald guy
as he sank smiling back into the jaws of his classroom, practically counting down the seconds till tomorrow after school.