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It started on a train.
The first ten minutes of Jaehyun's ride home were spent in a long conversation with stolen glances in place of words, the ice being broken with accidental eye contact that quickly turned shy. It had been uncertain. The stranger glance had fluttered across Jaehyun's shoulders then up the outline of his jaw, his observation ending abruptly once their eyes met. But, beneath the embarrassment had been something else. The fascination that shone in the other’s eyes was enough to draw Jaehyun's own gaze back to the boy, each glance lasting a bit longer than the last.
If only Jaehyun could pretend he couldn't feel the warmth coloring his cheeks. Then maybe he could pretend that he couldn't feel himself sitting up straighter the second he felt eyes on him (again), or his heartbeat speeding up when the stranger whose presence filled the air with invitations stood from his seat to edge closer to where Jaehyun sat near the exit.
(That he could ignore the electric awareness of the body mere centimeters from his that was pulsing through his chest down through the tips of his fingers with each too loud beat of his heart.)
He could pretend that the encounter would end when the doors slid shut between them, instead of living on for weeks in Jaehyun’s rose tinted memories. That it would leave him with a mundane ride home filled with thoughts of bread and schoolwork instead of a silence more empty than he remembered and a hand coming up to feel the blush the stranger left behind.
Just maybe.
*****
It continued in an elevator.
Jaehyun slowed as he approached a crosswalk, his gaze wandering the crowd that kept him company every morning he trekked from his home to the practice studios where, day by day, he built his future. He was about to drop his eyes back to the morning news that glowed from the screen of his phone when he saw him. The outline of a stranger whose broad shoulders lay crooked and bouncing with playful energy beneath the clean cut seams of a cream sweater stood out, vaguely familiar. His way of movement sang to Jaehyun with every quiet shift of his weight. Realization hit Jaehyun quickly, the boy from his train ride home a week earlier never far from his mind. Jaehyun watched in quiet fascination as the boy shuffled restlessly in place, finding a world of his own in songs only he could hear. Room for no other thoughts, Jaehyun walked mindlessly. He fell into step with the rhythm of his once companions, now forgotten. It was a commute he started alone, but one he tentatively began wishing he could end with someone else; a someone who had appeared in his life once again. Though surely, Jaehyun thought as pushed his heart back down from his throat, for the last time.
Wishes turned slowly to disbelief in Jaehyun's mind as corner after corner flew by. The familiar sign and lobby entrance were there and then gone again, elevator doors closing behind him- leaving only a mouth completely dry of words and a boy with eyes that sparkled like the sun asking which floor he wanted.
As his stuttered out answer was met with a small smile that filled Jaehyun’s chest with warmth and emptied his brain of all other thoughts, he figured it wouldn’t hurt to allow himself some hope.
*****
It deepened in a room that smelled almost overwhelmingly of sweat.
The music that pounded deep through their chests did nothing to silence the roar of crowds that played through their minds. Long nights (followed by even longer mornings) were filled with a fire that not even the perpetual exhaustion and criticism that accompanied the endless instruction could extinguish. Through that journey to become jewels polished free of imperfections, Jaehyun learned of the beauty beyond a smile that could barely contain the songs that bubbled up endlessly from deep inside his friend. He learned that the silence he had felt so strongly on the train was not a complete description- just a mask of shy manners that hid sweet melodies, a loud voice, and endless teasing behind it. It was a voice waiting for a friendly audience willing to listen. There was nothing Jaehyun would rather do.
*****
Through endless hours spent together, Jaehyun found the harmony that completed his song. He found a partner who filled all of the empty spaces in his life. His Saturdays were slowly filled with walks through crowded streets and churros, his van rides with helpful hints and teasing, his mind with one name, and his lips with a smile every time they were together.
*****
It ended on a stage.
Or at least, that's what Jaehyun told himself. The first time he stood on a stage not as a nameless trainee with the protection of five other boys surrounding him, but as Jaehyun, he could tell by the hiccups in his voice that he had signed up for more than expected. Having walked past idols and (in his mind) gods whose presence hit like a wall to get to the stage he'd be rehearsing on, he knew filling his role of MC would take more than a few run throughs of the script. But before his nerves could reach the point of no return, he felt a familiar presence beside him. His shoulders released a tension he hadn’t consciously been holding and his cheeks tingled with warmth in a way that was all too familiar. As a cheery voice filled the air with polite greetings to the staff all around them, his worries began to disappear. For a second he was on a train again- lost in wonder at a boy who had stolen Jaehyun's heart the second they had met. A companion he kept closer to himself than anyone. A friend who had truly moved closer to the center of Jaehyun's life than anyone.
Doyoung.
The entrance of one name into his mind was enough to bring a relaxed smile to Jaehyun's face. For a second, the radiantly beautiful face of his best friend had his heart fluttering. But, before he could think of any overly romantic things to not say to Doyoung, the shorter boy's eyebrows pulled together. His voice shifted higher in pitch to whine as he asked Jaehyun if he remembered anything other than the nap from their van ride over. His reprimanding, as usual, only a facade. As his eyes searched Jaehyun’s face for the nerves he had no doubt would be there, he slowly dropped the teasing, a gentle hand reaching out to rest on Jaehyun’s arm. Reassurances tumbled softly from Doyoung’s lips followed by advice they could both recite in their sleep, the desire for them to do well (to do well together Jaehyun told himself) seeping into his voice. Jaehyun listened with his whole being, letting the words reach past the insecurities that had built up with every mistake he had made during the endless rehearsals leading up to this day and help pull himself out of his nervous thoughts and back to reality.
The reality of Jaehyun and Doyoung though, wasn't much different from Jaehyun's daydreams. As he felt Doyoung's hands brush his and listened to his friend speak animatedly about their lines, he felt his heart beat a little bit faster. He knew by the way Doyoung's gentle touches and looks made his heart swell with emotion and yet surrounded him in calm, that the maybe of Doyoung and Jaehyun would be so much more than just a maybe. (At least, if the way the other boy looked at him when he thought Jaehyung wasn’t looking was anything to go off of.) Whatever journey they had somehow started together would not end with the the doors of a train sliding shut between them. He knew that once this job ended, they would move on to another and then another together, with all the moments in between being filled with Doyoung. He didn’t know where this journey would take him. But the hand resting on the small of his back waiting to guide him the second he lost his way was enough to let him know that as long as he had Doyoung beside him, there would be nowhere else he'd rather be.