Archive of Our Own

Ghost had a problem and it’s name was John “Soap” MacTavish.

He was aware enough to know that putting it that way was a tad dramatic, but still, Johnny drove him insane. The sergeant was nothing if not competent at his job, but everything else about him seemed designed to grate on Ghost’s nerves. He was loud, he talked constantly, he touched him all the time and the worst bit was, Ghost allowed it.

Not only that. He craved it in a way. The stupid jokes, the idle chatter, the casual fist bumps, hell, even the borderline flirting over comms. It brought something in him alive that Ghost had thought long dead and buried. It brought out Simon.

And then, when they were in a lull that kept them grounded on base for longer than usual he noticed the quiet on Wednesday evenings.

It had taken him a while to realise why Wednesdays were different, but when he did, it seemed logical. Johnny was nowhere to be found. He wasn’t in re rec room, he wasn’t in the mess, he didn’t hang out with Gaz in their room, he couldn’t find him in the gym, he was not in his office or at the shooting range either. It was like the man simply vanished on Wednesday evenings.

Ghost took this as a personal insult. No one was as sneaky and as good at vanishing as him. He couldn’t let it slide that Soap pulled this kind of shit without Ghost knowing what was going on.

It only started to be an actual challenge after he overheard Gaz asking Soap if he wanted to hang out next Wednesday to watch a football game together. “Sorry mate, Ah cannae.” Soap said and immediately clammed up when Gaz wanted to know why.

This was odd. Usually Johnny took every opportunity to gush about whatever he was currently interested in. Ghost decided he would take up the unspoken challenge and find out what was going on with his sergeant.

__________________________________

First he tried to gather intel. His rank gave him access to Johnny’s files, so he spent some time combing through them, only to come up empty. The man had a couple of sisters, even more nieces and nephews, who lived scattered all over Scotland. His father had died of cancer three years ago and his mother lived near the oldest sister all the way up in Aberdeen. There was no record of a spouse or partner.

Johnny regularly visiting family was out then. He couldn’t make it all the way up to Scotland and back in the course of an evening.

Maybe he had a hidden partner then. Someone who’s identity he kept from everyone for some unknown reason. A hot flush of anger ran through him at the thought, that Ghost refused to examine any closer. For now, he just made a mental note to follow up on this possibility.

Next he checked all the sergeant’s medical records he had access too, but again drew a blank. Nothing about any PT or psych sessions. Ghost felt a little bit guilty for digging into stuff that technically was none of his business, but shrugged it off quickly. There was no use feeling guilty, he was on a mission after all. He reasoned, if Johnny didn’t want to be investigated, he shouldn’t be so secretive in the first place.

Since his snooping hadn’t yielded anything useful, Ghost turned to espionage instead. The plan was to follow Soap to see where he was going. But some higher power seemed to have other plans.

The first week he got ready to sneak after the sergeant, Price called him into his office to help him with some administrative bullshit that kept them at the old man’s desk till well after midnight and only when Ghost returned to his quarters with a headache and passed Johnny in the hallway did he remember his self-appointed mission.

“Good night, LT!” the sergeant said way too cheerfully for this time of day and Ghost managed to grumble something back, before closing the door to his room and falling into bed.

The next week, Gaz walked up with a couple of different sets of throwing knives and asked for Ghost’s expert opinion. By the time they got back from the practice room and decided on the knives with the best balance for the sergeant, Soap was long gone - to wherever he vanished to.

The week after he was put on babysitting duty. Meaning he had to oversee some night training of a bunch of recruits, which was not only boring as hell, but also prevented him from sneaking after Johnny to finally find out what was going on.

Then they shipped out to a mission and what was supposed to be a quick and dirty in-and-out job, turned into a two week long nightmare that left Ghost with a crushed leg rendering him immobile. Or at least incapable of following his sneaky sergeant.

On the one hand he was glad Johnny had gotten out with only some scrapes and a knife wound to the arm, which apparently didn’t prevent him from doing whatever he did on Wednesdays, on the other he was seething with quiet rage at his bum leg that had him hobbling along at a snail’s pace for way too long.

He did try to spy as best as he could, but then Price caught him out in the courtyard, peering after Soap and threatened to send him away on medical leave, if he didn’t take it easy and focus on his healing.

Since Ghost didn’t want to spend any amount of time in his sterile little flat in Manchester if he could help it, he grit his teeth and gave up on the chase. For now at least.

It didn’t keep him from brooding though and taking full advantage of all the time he had to waste, he made a little list of everything he knew.

• Soap vanished every Wednesday evening

• he couldn’t visit family, they were too far away

• it couldn’t be some kind of sport, because he was capable of doing it with an injured arm

• he never mentioned a partner, but that needed further investigation

Hang on... It didn’t have to be a partner, had it? There were enough possibilities to pay for sexual release if one was so inclined. He added

• maybe visits a sex worker

to his list.

Ghost stared at the last two points and seethed with quiet rage at the thought of either of them. The thought of someone getting their filthy paws on his Johnny... He quickly nipped that line of thinking in the butt. Johnny was his sergeant and that was that.

Since his leg was still in a cast, he opened the window and leant out for a smoke, while staring at his little list.

Hm, at least that last point should be easily cleared up.

Ghost didn’t often feel any urges that couldn’t be dealt with on his own, but if he did, he usually paid for the service. That way he avoided all the awkwardness of speaking to strangers and didn’t have to navigate the small and big annoyances that came with hook-ups in bars. A lot cleaner and safer too, since he went with one of two people he had done background checks on and therefore felt as okay with as was possible.

Johnny’s haircut made him stand out, so Ghost sent a text to the two people he usually booked and asked them to find out amongst their colleagues if Soap might be a regular.

When the answers came back negative, something feral settled inside of him and started to purr. He might still not know where Soap vanished to, but at least he could cross “visits sex workers” off the list.

Odd that this filled him with such relief, but, as usual, he refused to examine that fact any closer.

__________________________________

More weeks went by and even though his leg had finally healed, Ghost never got any closer to figuring out what Johnny was up to on Wednesday evenings. In his frustration he decided it was time to take some extreme measures.

Ghost knocked on the captain’s door and entered quickly when Price called “Come in!” closing the door behind him. He went up to the desk and looked down at Price with a frown hidden behind his mask until the man said, “Is there anything you wanted Ghost?”

Ghost hummed, then said in his lieutenant voice, “Have you noticed anything strange about MacTavish, Captain?”

Price looked confused for a moment. “No, nothing has come to my attention.”

“He’s been sneaking off somewhere on the regular. No one knows where he goes and I can’t help wondering if he might be compromised, sir.” Ghost was pretty sure that wasn’t it, but if he wanted Price to do some digging for him, he would have to lay it on thick.

The frown on Price’s face told Ghost enough, but he couldn’t help a secret smirk when the captain said, “While it does sound a bit far fetched, I will look into it. Thanks for bringing it to my attention, Ghost.”

Ghost nodded, gave a slightly sloppy salute and left.

He didn’t hear back from Price for another two weeks and started to get antsy. Maybe the whole idea of Johnny being compromised hadn’t been that far fetched after all? He wondered if the Captain had gotten Laswell involved and wondered why he still wasn’t informed of any results.

It was another Wednesday and the team was sitting in the rec room playing cards, when Soap excused himself, leaving Ghost, Gaz and Price to carry on alone.

After a few more rounds, the captain muttered something about an early meeting next day and wandered off to bed. Ghost stayed in his seat, staring at Gaz’s hands as he put the cards away into their case.

He steeled himself and finally asked, “Sergeant, you and Soap are pretty close, right?”

Gaz looked at him with a curious but slightly guarded expression. “Yes, but there’s no funny business going on, if that’s what you want to know. No need to write us up for fraternisation,” he added with a cheeky grin.

Ghost scoffed. “Not what I was worried about, Gaz. But...” he paused for a moment, wondering how best to ask. In the end it came out as bluntly, as it was always going to be, “Do you happen to know where Soap goes on Wednesdays?”

There was a flicker of something on Gaz’ lips that Ghost would normally have called ‘mischief’, if the situation hadn’t been so serious, then he shrugged. “I have no idea, he always keeps mum about it. But hey, everyone needs they secrets, don’t they, Ghost?” He emphasised the last word in a way that bordered on insubordination.

“Watch your tone, sergeant.” Ghost snapped and got up to leave.

“Why don’t you ask Soap?” Gaz called after him, just as he stepped through the door.

He paused, turned around and asked, “Who said I didn’t?” With that he hurried away, before he could give in to the urge to hit something at the sight of the dubious expression on Gaz’ face.

__________________________________

The week went by and he still had not heard anything from Price, so Ghost decided to grit his teeth and ask the old man if he had found anything. He knocked on the open door and went in when Price nodded at him, went in, kicking it shut.

“What brings you here?” Price asked with a raised eyebrow, cocking his head towards the door, clearly annoyed with Ghost’s shenanigans. He choose to ignore it.

“I was wondering if you had any news for me, sir.” Ghost said woodenly.

“News? Regarding what?”

One of these days he was going to kill Price for his insistence that Ghost spelled out everything plainly. He balled his hands into fists and grit his teeth, before he finally spit out, “Regarding a possible security breach regarding MacTavish.”

Price’s face did something complicated before it settled on what looked suspiciously like anger.

“There is no security breach, lieutenant.” The captain barked at him and judging by the use of his rank rather than his call sign, it seemed like Price was seriously mad at Ghost for some unfathomable reason. While Ghost was wondering what could have set the captain off like this, he continued, “And if you had just gone and asked Soap about it, he could have told you. There was no reason to bring this to my table. As if I don’t have enough paperwork to begin with. Not to mention what it did to poor MacTavish being called in and questioned like that.”

Ghost stared at Price for a moment thinking about what he had just told him and realised that not only had this whole affair somehow gotten him onto the Captain’s bad side, it also still left him without an answer to what exactly Johnny was doing on his Wednesday evenings.

He only managed to ask, “But did he tell you what...?” before Price cut him off.

“This is not my information to share. I suggest you talk to Soap if you want to know this badly. Now get out of my sight.” He waved a hand dismissively in the direction of the door.

Ghost turned on his heels and all but fled Price’s office.

What had put the captain in such a bad mood was beyond him, but it seemed like there really was no help for it. He would have to talk to Johnny.

__________________________________

Unfortunately this turned out to be a lot more difficult then it should have been.

First of all he needed to know what he would say exactly. And once he had puzzled out a plan - keep it simple and direct - he noticed that Johnny was avoiding him.

That was odd. Usually the Scot was either stuck to him like glue, talking his ears off or in the rec room having fun with people. But now that Ghost really, really needed to talk to Soap, he couldn’t find him anywhere. Very odd.

He checked the shooting range, the gym, the rec room, his office, he even drove out to the demolitions trainings area, but he always came up blank. The place was eerily quiet and once he stuck his head into the rec room for the upteenth time that day Gaz looked up from his computer game and asked, “Can I help you, Ghost?”

He sighed deeply and stepped over the threshold. “I’m looking for Soap,” he muttered.

Gaz raised an eyebrow. “Have you tried his quarters?”

Ghost hadn’t. Johnny was never there unless he was sleeping. However... He turned on his heels without acknowledging Gaz any further and headed towards Soap’s room.

He came to a stop in front of his door and then kind of - froze. He had never been to any of his sergeant’s quarters. Their rooms were the only private space each of them had here at base and Ghost knew exactly how much he himself valued his privacy, he wouldn’t dream of invading his teammates’.

He had no idea how long he was standing there spaced out in front of Johnny’s door with his fist raised ready to knock, when a sound from the other end of the corridor startled him and his fist connected with the door without him meaning to. He cursed quietly under his breath, when he heard rustling from inside and before he could make a tactical retreat, the door opened and Johnny looked up at him with a scowl.

“What do ye want, LT?” he asked sharply.

Ghost’s brain was in panic mode, scrambling around for words. “Can... I come in?” was what came out eventually.

Soap’s scowl deepened and he folded his arms over his chest, looking defensive. “Why?”

“Fuckin’ hell, Johnny, I just want to ask you something!” Ghost barked exasperatedly. Some tiny voice inside his head was screaming at him that this was not going well and he should probably back off, but it was soon drowned out by the general static of anxiety overwhelming him.

“Go ahead,” Soap said, not moving an inch.

Ghost tried to take a deep, steadying breath, but his lungs weren’t working properly. Soap kept glaring at him and eventually he managed to bite out, “Where do you keep disappearing to on Wednesdays?”

“So now ye come and ask!” Soap growled. “After ye bad-mouthed me to Price. Ah cannae believe ye did that. Did ye at any point think aboot how it would feel to be called into the captain’s office and questioned aboot ma integrity? And then Ah found oot it was ye who raised ‘the concern’!” The inverted commas around the words could be heard loud and clear.

Ghost was rooted to the spot. He really hadn’t thought about that. All he had wanted was information, not to get Soap into trouble. “Johnny...” he started, but that was as far as he got.

“Don’t ye Johnny me, lieutenant!” Soap almost shouted. “Ah trusted ye! And Ah thought ye returned that trust. But apparently Ah was wrong. So ye can shove that question where the sun doesnae shine. It’s need to know and ye certainly dinnae need to ken anything!”

Ghost just stared at his sergeant. He had it all wrong, of course Ghost trusted him, but before he could say a single thing in his defence, Johnny continued. “If that’s all, sir, Ah’ve got an early start tomorrow.” With that Soap stepped back into his room and closed the door in Ghost’s face.

In the resounding silence that followed, the click of the lock rang out like a gun shot.

Somehow he managed to get to his room, only vaguely noticing the other other doors on Soap’s corridor closing quietly. After all, no one dared to question the Ghost.

When he was finally in the safety of his own quarters, he slipped out of his boots and fell onto his cot. This whole situation was a disaster. Not only was he even further away from finding out what Soap was doing with his Wednesday evenings than ever, he had also managed to lose the sergeant’s trust and friendship in one fell swoop and he had no idea how to fix it.

He didn’t sleep that night, tossing and turning and trying to come up with the best way forward. When he hadn’t found anything by the time the sky started to turn from black to grey, he got back up and went to find Price. He needed some solo missions to get his head back on straight.

Price sighed and gave him a look that screamed disappointment, but in the end he promised to find him something.

Ghost opted to hide out in his room until he got word from the captain. In the afternoon Price knocked on his door to hand him the mission brief. He’d be in the South American rain forest for a least a month on recon and surveillance. He’d be hot, sweaty, eaten by bugs and utterly miserable, but at least there was no one but himself to let down. He slunk onto the plane that would take him away in the dead of night, with only the captain there to see him off.

Once he landed, he threw himself into his work and tried not to think about anything but the best places to hide and patrol patterns around the compounds he was staking out.

One month turned into three and by the time he finally got back to England Ghost was half starved, covered in insect bites and had a sprained ankle.

Price waited for him at the tarmac and dragged him towards medical, even though all Ghost really wanted to do was shower and sleep in an actual bed for a change. But thanks to the captain he had to endure prodding from nurses and doctors only to be told things he knew already: take it easy, elevate the leg, put ice on the ankle, eat and drink enough and wait for the results of the blood tests, checking whether the bugs had given him something nastier than itching welts.

He wasn’t too upset, at least it gave him an excuse to further hole up in his room and ignore people (Johnny) and his troubles (how to make it up to the man) for another week or two. No one could argue with doctors orders.

Not that Price didn’t try, but in the end he gave up and let Ghost stew.

__________________________________

Until about a week later, when there was another knock at his door. Ghost got up and limped over to open it. The captain stared at him with his usual piercing glare. “How’s the ankle?” he asked gruffly.

“Better,” was all Ghost said.

“Good, then you will be ready for the ceremony next week.”

“What?” Ghost was confused, he didn’t know about any upcoming ceremonies.

“Some of the higher ups have noticed, that the 141 hasn’t gotten any medals yet and decided it’s time to change that.” There was an amused glint in Price’s eyes.

“They expect us to collect some chest candy in person?” Ghost was baffled. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to see the team get recognition for all their hard work, but he didn’t do posh get togethers and elbow rubbing with the brass.

“Yes, lieutenant. We are to show up as a team, decked out in full dress and everything.”

Ghost groaned. “You can’t be serious, Price. I can’t go to an official ceremony like that.”

“You can, and you will, Ghost. If I have to abandon my hat, you can find some simple black mask and behave for an evening.” There was a note of steel in Price’s tone that told Ghost there would be no getting out of this. His shoulders slumped and he sighed heavily.

“Copy that, captain. I’ll be there,” he mumbled defeatedly.

“And get your shit sorted with Soap, we can’t have any overt tensions, we need to show up as a close knit unit.” Price clapped his hand on Ghost’s shoulder and fixed him with a cold stare.

“Won’t be a problem, sir,” Ghost muttered.

“I bloody well hope not.” And with a firm nod, Price left him standing there.

Ghost shut his door and limped back towards his window, staring out to the training grounds, where he could see the distinct figure of Johnny ordering a bunch of recruits around. It still hurt to look at the man, even from a distance. How could he have fucked up so spectacularly?

Price was right, he would have to get over himself and apologise to Soap, so he slipped into his boots and laced them tight, in a bid to reduce the limping and went to get his head ripped off for a second time.

Soap was just coming off the obstacle course, when Ghost entered.

“Good work, lads. We’ll make soldiers off you yet,” he said to groans all round. He turned around as the rookies filed out and froze when he noticed Ghost lurking in the shadow of a tree.

“Ye’re back,” Soap said, his tone carefully neutral.

Ghost nodded. “Just wanted to say I’m sorry, sergeant. I shouldn’t have set Price on you.”

“Damn right you shouldnae have,” Johnny grumbled. “But Ah guess Ah’ll forgive you. This time. Don’t ever pull that kind of shite again, though.”

“I won’t, don’t worry,” Ghost was quick to reassure him.

“Alright, see you around, LT.” Soap waved.

Ghost took a step forward. “But what...”

“Nuh-uh!” Soap shook his head. “Still not telling ye.”

Well, he probably deserved that, so he nodded again and went back to the barracks, hiding his limp as best he could.

__________________________________

A week later the limp was gone, thankfully. Dress uniform also meant a distinct lack of stabilising boots. Ghost looked at himself in the mirror. The blue coat was a deviation from he usual black and dark grey garb and the shining gold buttons would make lurking somewhere out of sight difficult. Not that Price would let him anyway.

The only part of his outfit he really liked was the mask. He had taken a simple black cloth mask and stitched on the outline of a jaw in gold thread, matching the buttons of the damn uniform to at least keep a little of his usual Ghost aesthetic. It was... neat.

When he met with the others to drive to the venue, he was surprised not to see Johnny anywhere.

After their talk at the training grounds, things had started to slowly go back to normal-ish. They were still dancing around each other, not quite sure if they could return to their usual banter, but at least neither outright avoided the other anymore. Ghost secretly hoped they could have eased into it a bit more during the ceremony. Joking with Johnny would make the whole ordeal more bearable.

When Price called for them all to get in the car so they wouldn’t be late, Gaz asked about Soap.

“He will go there on his own, had to take care of some stuff first,” Price said airily. “We’ll meet him there.”

Ghost couldn’t help but wonder what Johnny had to do that was so important, but remembering how he had almost ruined things between them with being nosey, he pushed that thought down and buried it under a layer of guilt.

When they arrived at the venue, Ghost kept scanning the crowd for Johnny, but to no avail. The place was packed, mostly people in uniform, but there were civilians too, families of those who were about to get their brag rags. Gaz had run off to greet his mother and sister, all three of them beaming and laughing.

After getting himself a glass of bourbon, more to have something to occupy his hands than because he particularly wanted to drink, Ghost installed himself in a relatively quiet corner where he could see most of the hall without being too easily spotted himself. Price had kept him company for a while, before he dove into the crowd to shake some hands and butter up the right people. Thank gods for the captain, Ghost didn’t have the patience or the skill for that kind of thing. He’d take a rifle and overwhelming odds against an enemy any day, but the prospect of having to be nice to some pencil pushers scared the shit out of him.

The minutes dragged on. Gaz found him to introduce him to his family and he somehow managed to nod politely and even complimented Mrs. Garrick on her dress, but when he quietly asked his sergeant if he had seen Soap, he got a negative.

Damn... where was he?

He had still not managed to find him by the time they were all called to their tables. The 141 had one to themselves, something Ghost was grateful for. He placed himself with his back to the crowd, something he usually despised, but it would give him the opportunity to actually eat something, with only his team getting glimpses of his face.

The worst thing though, was the empty spot next to him, where Johnny should be sitting.

Some general he had never heard of got up and made a speech, ‘honouring our brave men and women’ blah, blah... Ghost tuned him out and focused on how the light changed the colour of his drink depending on the angle he held the glass in.

It got harder and harder to not be annoyed by the whole thing and the fact that the one person he had been looking forward to being notably absent.

Then the general announced some military choir and Ghost groaned inwardly. They actually had live music to drag everything out even more. He regretted all his life choices that had brought him to this place, when Price suddenly nudged him motioned towards the stage. Ghost looked up from his bourbon studies to see what the fuss was about and...

He was glad for the mask, so no one was able to notice his mouth hanging open in surprise and awe. The choir had assembled on the stage and right there in the front row was a familiar figure, wearing full highland dress and a broad grin, as he looked over to their table.

Gaz waved and Price nodded with a smile hidden somewhere in his beard, but Ghost was frozen to his seat. The glass hanging precariously in his right hand until Price took pity on him and snatched it away to set down before he could make a total fool of himself by spilling it all over the table.

Johnny looked magnificent and when they began to sing, his voice was the only one Ghost really registered. He was stunned. Usually choir music was not his thing, but this? Ghost could have listened to Soap’s beautiful voice all evening. He sat there, staring at the stage like a teenage girl watching her favourite band, his broad grin thankfully obscured by the mask.

There were other speeches and more songs and people being called onto the stage to have their medals pinned to their jackets and all the while Ghost sat without ever looking away from Johnny until finally Price nudged him, since it was time for them to get up there.

Ghost walked like in a trance, following the captain and acutely aware that Johnny left his place in the choir and filed in between him and Gaz. He hardly noticed when the general pinned his medal, focusing solely on Johnny.

Then they were off the stage, but Soap had returned to his ensemble for the last couple of songs, before it was time for dinner and he finally joined them at their table.

Ghost didn’t know how to act towards Soap now that his secret was out. Because that performance right there, explained very well what he had been doing with his Wednesday evenings all along. It must have been the choir rehearsals. Hot shame ran down his spine when he thought about his little list and all the lengths he had gone to to try and find out something so... innocent.

Luckily Gaz came to his rescue by almost jumping on Johnny, excitedly chattering about how cool it was that he sang in a choir, how awesome the songs had been and if he ever thought of doing more with this particular talent of his.

Soap smiled and answered questions and completely ignored Ghost, who was frozen on his other side.

Then the food arrived and Ghost busied himself with eating while trying to let people see as little of his face as possible, listening to the conversation of the others. His mind ran a mile a minute, trying to figure out how he could make it up to Johnny, but all he did was chase his thoughts in circles, without anything really helpful cropping up.

As soon as they were done with desert, Ghost fled the table, beelining to the closest exit and hid himself behind a column fumbling for a cigarette. He inhaled deeply, relishing how the nicotine hit his system and cleared his head somewhat.

It was typical. Johnny had been the one good thing in his life, and he just had to go and utterly wreck things with him.

With a sigh he let himself fall back against the stone of the column and winced when his head made contact shortly after. But it was what he deserved. He really should do it again and harder. He was not sure why he was feeling quite this bad. Sure, he had gone about things the wrong way - as he knew now and yes, he liked Johnny quite a bit, but...

“So, are ye going to keep ignoring me then?” a familiar voice asked.

Ghost pushed off the column and whirled around, only to come face to face with Johnny. They stared at each other for a moment, until Ghost finally got his tongue unstuck enough to grumble out a “no”.

“Ye are doing a very good impression of it though. Never said a single word to me all through dinner and then left to hide oot here as soon as ye possibly could.”

Soap looked... sad. Angry too, yes, but it was overshadowed by an overall sadness, that cut deeper than all of Ghost’s knives ever could. Ghost grasped for something, anything to say, but his thoughts were like strands of water that just slipped through his fingers.

“Ah thought you trusted me,” Soap said quietly and it’s that, which finally lets Ghost find at least some words.

“Of course I trust you!” It came out in a rush, sounding indignant and offended, which was not really what Ghost was going for, but in his defense, trust really was not the issue here, at least not his trust in Johnny.

Soap dug out his own cigarettes, lit one and mumbled around a mouth full of smoke, “Got a funny way of showing it, LT. Ye could have just asked me about my Wednesdays, ye ken?”

Ghost sighed. “I’m not good at this kinda thing.”

“What, asking questions? Ye’d rather shoot first?” The grin on Johnny’s face was a bit lopsided, but at least he was somewhat back to his old cheeky self.

“Wouldn’t shoot you, Johnny.”

“Aye, but ye ain’t asking questions either. Ye know, Ah could have lived with ye snooping aroond, but why did ye pull that shite with Price? That really hurt.” And they were right back to that weighty seriousness, that Ghost found so hard to navigate.

“I...” he sighed, “I’m good at gathering intel and interrogations, simply talking to people - not so much,” he admitted quietly.

“Ye usually talk to me just fine.”

“That’s different. That’s orders and banter and jokes. This felt... personal, important. But I also felt that I don’t have any right to ask.” He stared intently at his own feet, unable to look at Johnny.

“But it’s okay to pry and set Price on ma case for no reason?” Soap sounded proper angry this time.

“No. That was out of line, I know that now, and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause you problems, or imply that I don’t trust you. I just...” He threw his arms up, unable to find the right words. “See, that’s exactly why I didn’t say anything. I never find the right words when it’s important and turn stuff into a mess.”

He could feel Johnny’s glare on his face, glad he at least had his half mask to hide behind. The sergeant was quiet for a long time, then he took a few steps closer and leant against the column next to Ghost.

“Ye know, when Ah was little the other boys at school and in the football team made fun of me for singing in the church choir. They called me all sorts of stupid names, but Ah enjoyed singing, so Ah kept going. Ah just never told anyone what Ah was doing when Ah went to rehearsals. And when Ah switched to the military choir after enlisting, Ah sure as hell didn’t tell the other guys in basic what Ah was doing. Figured being gay put enough of a target on ma back, Ah didn’t need anyone to know Ah was singing too. Ye could say it became somewhat of a habit to hide that part of masel’.”

Ghost hadn’t expected any explanation at all and what he had learnt just now made him so fucking angry at the boys in young Johnny’s life, who had given him shit for doing something he enjoyed. He was about to say so, when Soap continued, “Of course Ah had to tell Price, he’s the boss, he needed to know, but Ah didn’t even tell Gaz. As for ye... Ah’m honestly not sure what Ah would have done if ye had asked, so Ah probably cannae judge. ‘s not like Ah’m much better.”

So not even Gaz had known... Ghost didn’t know how he felt about that.

“You have a beautiful voice Johnny. You shouldn’t have to hide it.”

For the first time since Soap had tracked him down, he felt able to look up at him. Blue eyes were fixed on his face, but they were no longer all ice, some warmth had crept back in at the edges.

“Thanks, LT. Ah try and not feel ashamed of what I enjoy doing, but sometimes it’s still hard. Especially when someone is trying their best to rip the information out from under ma feet,” he growled, but it didn’t sound dead serious anymore.

“I was honestly impressed,” Ghost said, “ You managed to thwart me for months. I never succeeded in following you or tracking down any useful information. So, on that account: well done, sergeant. Not a lot of people can evade the Ghost for this long.”

Soap chuckled. “Careful, LT, that almost sounds like praise.”

“It’s supposed to be.” Ghost grumbled. “Still, I’m sorry for not asking you directly. I hope you can forgive me eventually.” He meant it too. It had taken him a quite some time to understand, but now he knew that he had made a total mess out of the whole thing.

Johnny nudged his shoulder against Ghost’s. “Ah have forgiven ye already. Was quite fun seeing yer face when we came on stage tonight.”

“Couldn’t have seen much of my face,” Ghost muttered defensively.

“Oh, Ah’m sure no one else saw anything, but Ah’m kind of an expert at Ghost reading.” Soap’s signature grin was back and Ghost could have crumbled to the ground with the relief he felt at finally seeing his sergeant smile like that again.

“Ghost reading, eh? Are you working as a medium too?”

“Nae, there’s only one Ghost Ah’m interested in.” He couldn’t be sure in their dark corner of the world, but Ghost could have sworn Johnny blushed when he said that.

“That so?” Ghost turned towards Soap and leant closer without really noticing.

“Aye.” Johnny said hoarsely.

“What would you do if I said I was very interested in you?” Ghost wasn’t sure where his sudden boldness came from, but something in him was egging him on, saying it was now or never.

“Ah’d say Ah’d like that,” Johnny was so close now that he could feel his breath whispering over the cloth of his mask.

“Johnny,” he hooked a finger behind the elastic and pulled the mask off. Soap’s eyes immediately skipped down to his lips, before staring back into Ghost’s eyes. “Can I kiss you?”

Johnny beamed. “Thought ye’d never ask!” was all he managed to say before their lips crashed together.

It was a bit too rough, but whatever they lacked in sweetness, they made up in enthusiasm. Like a dam had broken, they rushed towards each other with force, unstoppable but oh so freeing after everything that had happened over the last 6 months or so.

Soap tasted like the tiramisu they’d had for desert and cigarettes and something uniquely Johnny that Ghost just couldn’t get enough of. They clung to each other, kissing like the world would end if they stopped.

He had no idea how much time had passed, when they finally parted with their foreheads resting against each other.

“Steamin’ Jesus, Ah needed that.” Soap said with a little laugh, like he couldn’t quite believe this just happened.

“Yeah, same,” Ghost couldn’t keep the grin off his face either.

“We should probably go back.”

“How about we go back to base instead?” Ghost suggested. “Do you have your own car?”

“Aye, needed to be here early for dress rehearsal and everything.”

“We got our chest candy and the free food, no reason to stay.”

Soap nodded and fumbled for his keys. “Let’s go then.”

Ghost put his mask back in place, but didn’t protest when Soap grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the car park. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen next, how Price would react, hell, he didn’t even know yet what Johnny wanted out of this, but for now he didn’t need to know, that was something for tomorrow’s Ghost to figure out.

Right now he had Johnny and that was all that mattered. Everything else could be sorted out later. Tonight he would finally allow himself to enjoy life.