Archive of Our Own

“I’m soo bored.” Cassandra whined. “Do what Gary does all the time. Give a universe something to watch.” Aliya suggested. “Then I can gossip with Megan about the shit you guys have pulled.” 

“You’re right. Time to go visit some motherfuckers.” Cassandra disappeared with a flash of light.

“HELLO FUCKERS!” A woman with dark blue hair and green eyes popped into the great hall, bringing a rather large class and teachers. Dumbledore stood up, looking at her with wary eyes. “Who are you? And who did you bring to my school?” He asked, pulling out his wand. 

“I’m Cassandra, and I just brought in Class 1-A, Shouta Aizawa, Yamada Hizashi, Nemuri Kayama and Toshinori Yagi from U.A in Japan.” She said, looking excited. “What are we doing here?” Aizawa asked. 

“You probably know a certain Severus Snape?” She giggled. Fucking giggled. “What?” Severus asked, looking up from his food that he looked like he wanted to set on fire.
“We’re going to watching you and Aizawa’s talks..” Cassandra said. “Fuck.” Severus muttered. Aizawa snorted. “Let’s start!” Cassandra said happily, not noticing Hermione’s raised hand.

“Actually, I’m going to add the Death Eaters and Mouldy Voldy.” Cassandra muttered to herself. The students burst out laughing at the name for Voldemort. Soon, they had been teleported in.
“If you even fucking dare hurt anyone, I will fucking end you, laws be damed.” She threatened before anybody could get a word in. The Death Eaters and Voldemort fell silent.

“I’m going to bring Dolores too.” She muttered before bringing in said pink bitch. 

Teacher Therapy Room

“Accurate name.” Aizawa nodded. Severus pursed his lips but agreed. Umbridge looked like she wanted to murder someone but what else was new?

Shouta Aizawa, first time teacher and Pro Hero Eraserhead, woke up in an unfamiliar room. This was especially unusual, since he clearly remembered crashing into his bed last night, surrounded by his (many) cats. 

He looked around, taking stock of the interior. It was a large grey rectangular room that had a singular door, the one he came from. There were no windows as far as he could tell, and there were two couches in the middle of the room. 

He peered closer, and to his shock, one of them was an exact replica to his favorite couch, even down to the multiple coffee stains he had left after many long nights of grading students frankly quite terrible papers. The other couch was all black, looked quite soft, and had a pillow with a green snake sewn onto it.

“You have a favourite couch?” Nemuri asked. “It’s comfortable.” He muttered.

To his right, he saw a built-in kitchen with a coffee machine, looking well used, and there were a lot of cups stacked by it with different pictures and designs on them. 

To his left, there was a cauldron with a tall bookshelves on part of the wall, and what appeared to be a pantry on the other side. The cauldron contained a liquid that looked as if it was molten gold, and was bubbling slightly. 

 “What’s that?” A boy with yellow blond hair and a black lightning bolt running through it asked. “It’s a potion.” Severus said. “FUCK! I FORGOT TO INTRODUCE YOU GUYS!” Cassandra suddenly shouted.

(Pretend everybody gets introduced I ain’t writing all that shit man)

“Moving swiftly on.” 

Aizawa cautiously stepped into the room, quirk ready to be activated at any moment. Since no one appeared to be there, he relaxed slightly and headed towards the couch to inspect it. Seeing it up close confirmed that yes, it was his couch. 

 “You have a favourite couch?” Nemuri asked. “Of course.” Aizawa said.

He had no idea how it got there, but paused when he noticed that the papers he had left last night remained there. He picked them up. ‘The exact same papers…’ he thought, frowning.

He was brought out of his musings by a loud slam. He whipped around, scarf at the ready and quirk already activated, to see a man stomp out of a door that had not been there earlier. 

The man had shoulder length, greasy hair and was wearing a deep black robe that had stains on it. He was muttering furiously, a dark look on his face, but froze when he caught sight of Aizawa. 

He jumped back, and whipped out a… stick? 

“I’m very proud of that stick.” Severus said. Aizawa rolled his eyes while the rest of the students and staff stared at him with disbelief. 

‘Is he delusional, or is that seriously his weapon of choice?’ Aizawa wondered. 

“Sticks have harmed people before. Ask Blaise.” Draco said, tone taking on an annoyed edge. “I SAID I WAS SORRY!” Blaise said. “Tell that to my poor fucking peacock.” Draco shot back. “Peacock?” Harry mouthed to himself.

The man advanced, and demanded in a monotone voice, “Who are you? What do you want? How are you here?”

Aizawa ignored the questions, shooting back, “Who are you?”

He paused, then, “Severus. Severus Snape. Now tell me your name.”

He gave the man – Snape – a look over to determine if he should share his identity, but decided it would be the most logical course of action. “Shouta Aizawa.”

“Never heard of you.” Snape sneered, drawing himself up to his full height. It was to be expected, since Aizawa was an underground hero. 

 “Hero?” Ron asked.
(Mha lore again I ain’t doing that shit.) 

“Oh…” Terry said.

Aizawa was about to respond, when he felt something in his chest. Confused, he looked down, and his vision turned black. 

He jolted awake, blinking, to see one of his cats’ paws in his face. All he could think was, ‘What the fuck was that?’

~~~~ the next night ~~~~

Aizawa fell asleep. He once again opened his eyes to see the room. 

Unlike last time, though, Snape was already there. He was crouched over the cauldron, stirring it. 

He looked up, and his face soured upon seeing Aizawa. Snape stood up. “You.” 

 “He didn’t even do anything!” Izuku protested. “Don’t worry, problem child. That’s just how he is. Paranoid.” Aizawa said. “Hypocrite.” Severus murmured. “What?” 

“Nothing!”

“Me.” Aizawa stated, putting his hands in the air in the universal gesture of ‘I come in peace’. “What is this place, even?” He asked, digging for information. “And may I ask why you were so mad earlier?” 

Snape snorted. “I have no clue what this place is. And as for your second question, I was simply… frustrated at my imbecilic students.”

He grinned, bringing his hands back down. “Ah, yes. I too have foolish students.” 

Snape’s eyes glimmered, in the way of a person who had found an ally in a camp full of enemies. “It’s nice to meet a fellow teacher.” He inquired, “May I ask how long you’ve been teaching?” 

“It’s only my first year, but I’ve already gotten tired of those little shits.” Aizawa admitted. 

 “Aizawa!” Yamada yelped. Umbridge sniffed while Minerva looked scandalised at the words used. Severus chuckled while Jirou just nodded at the words.

Snape nodded in sympathy, then headed over to the black couch, and gestured for him to follow. Together they sat on the couch, and suddenly two stacks of paper appeared out of nowhere. One fell onto Aizawa’s lap, the other on Snape’s. 

They were assignment papers. He shot a glance at the other teacher’s assignments, and noticed something. “They are in English?” 

“Yes.” Snape said, looking at him like he was stupid. “Are your papers not?”

“No…” Aizawa murmured. “They are in Japanese.” Snape made a noise of surprise. “I’m speaking English right now, you don’t suppose there is a translator spell at work, do you?”

His brow furrowed. “Spell? Don’t you mean quirk?” He got a blank stare for his response. “No, I mean a spell. What is a quirk? Personality has nothing to do with this?” 

 “The drama!” Pansy said. “How scandalous.” Daphne finished with a dramatic flair.

Aizawa frowned. What did he mean he didn’t know what a quirk was? Did they call them spells in the country he lived in? ‘That would certainly be odd,’ he mused. “Quirk as in unique powers everyone is born with. Do they call that a spell in your country?”

Snape was silent for a moment. “I live in Britain,” he began. “And no one is born with unique powers, unless you count magic.” 

Now he was definitely sure he was dreaming. No real place would not know what a quirk was, and no place would be so outdated that it would call it magic. When he shared these thoughts to Snape, he was told scathingly, “Of course this is a dream, you twit. It’s my dream, obviously."

 Aizawa felt irritation spark through him. “No, this is my dream. You are simply a figment of my imagination from a lack of sleep.” 

 “You both need sleep.” Minerva said. Yamada nodded, agreeing. 

The other man started to shoot something back, then let out a sigh of frustration. “You know what, arguing is going to get us nowhere. Let’s just continue grading our papers.” 

They worked on their papers for a while, until Aizawa heard a faint ‘pop’ next to him. He glanced at Snape, only to see the stacks of papers that lay where the man should have been. ‘Did he wake up, or did he just disappear from my mind?’ Aizawa wondered. 

He picked up the stack of papers, flipping through them. His eye caught on the titles. They were all about potions, the kind that you read about in fantasy books. “He is definitely part of my imagination,” he muttered. Once again he felt the stirring in his chest, and this time welcomed the darkness.

~~~ About a month later ~~~

“ —and then he has the gall to tell me he knows the subject better than me!” Snape groaned, head in his hands. “Than you! A teacher who has studied potions longer than he’s been alive!” 

 “Are you… gossiping about students?” Dumbledore said with disbelief. “Who are you even talking about?” MInerva asked. “I don’t remember.” Severus shrugged.

Aizawa made a sympathetic noise, patting his back, before returning to the dozens of essays he had to finish grading. They had been working on this for what he thought was hours, though time was hard to measure in this place, and were surrounded by mugs of drained coffee. 

 “You guys are going to die from a fucking caffiene overdose.” Nemuri said. “We haven’t yet.” Aizawa said, burrowing into his capture scarf. “I never thought that they were going to act like this.” Hermione muttered. Harry agreed. 

They had both been teleported into the room every time they fell asleep, so after a couple of days Aizawa and Snape agreed not to bring up how it was all fake (they both thought each other were figments of their own imagination) and instead focused on ranting about what foolish things their students (and sometimes fellow teachers) had done that day. 

 “Imagination huh?” Toshinori asked. Both Aizawa and Severus glared at him. “I know he’s not fake now.” Severus sneered. 

Not only had Aizawa been sleeping much more often, he also had become closer to the ill-spirited man who shared his troubles. He found out that Snape had been teaching for about five years, and like him, was teaching at the same school he graduated from. 

 “I regret everything.” The pair said in unison. “You guys scare me.” Mina whined. 

They had bonded over their hate of loud people (and people in general), their smiles that other people considered freaky (yes, they did have smiling contests. No, no one won, it was a tie.), and their troublesome bosses who loved causing trouble and being annoyingly vague. 

 “True, true and true.” Severus said. “Now now my boy.” Dumbledore started. Severus just gave him a stink eye.

Aizawa took one look at the essay of his worst student, then decided he was done. “Nope. Not today,” he declared, standing up and heading over to the couch to collapse face first. Snape quickly joined him on the other couch, and together they mourned the loss of their sanity.

They were unfortunately dragged out of their grieving by an alarming sound that appeared to come from the cauldron. Snape let out a stream of curses and ran to it, stirring frantically for a couple of minutes. “What’s in that anyways?” He asked, curious. 

“It’s called felix felicis, or liquid luck,” Snape explained while stirring. “When you drink it you get extremely lucky.”

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Aizawa said, “Why are you making it?”

He scowled. “My boss is making me. Don’t worry, I’m stealing a bottle or five for myself, I’m not stupid.” 

 “Clever.” Percy Weasley said. “Where the fuck did you come from?” Umbridge asked, startled. “The door ma’am.” He said. As she turned away, he mouthed out bitch. Fred, who was the only one who caught it, choked on a breath.

“My condolences,” Aizawa told him pityingly.

Their conversation was interrupted by the twin feelings they got in their chest, and both disappeared in a blink of an eye.

~~~~ A while later ~~~~

“It’s done!” Snape shouted, jolting Aizawa out of his post work questioning of reality. He headed over to the cauldron, watching as the potionsmaster poured the molten gold-like substance into bottles. 

“How long do you guys even stay in the rooms?” Harry asked. Aizawa shrugged. 

“Can you even bring this back into the waking world?” He questioned, wondering if this meant he could somehow bring some of the books he had been eying to school to help him get through his day.

Snape shrugged. “It worked before, I don’t see why it won’t work now.” 

Suddenly he thrust a bottle at Aizawa’s face. “Here, you can have a bottle.” He was a bit pink in the face, clearly embarrassed.

“Awww, do you really think of me as that good of a friend?” Aizawa teased, taking the bottle carefully. “Silence!” Snape snapped, but it was half-hearted. 

 “Severus? Sharing things? How rare.” Minerva said, the ends of her mouth were quivering. Severus’s left eye twitched.

He grinned, and shoved him gently. “Don’t worry, I’m flattered that you think so highly of me.” 

Snape smiled back, and then groaned in exasperation. “You gotta go?” Aizawa said. 

“Yup. See you round,” he told him, hugging the cart of potions. He and the cart disappeared in a flash, and Aizawa snickered, imagining Snape waking up holding a giant cart of felix felicis. 

 “That is how I woke up though.” Severus commented. 

He too felt the tugging, and held on to the potion tight as his vision darkened. 

He slowly gained awareness, and once he felt fully awake, glanced down at his hands. “Huh,” he said, staring at the bottle in awe.

“AIZAWA! You're going to be late!!!” Hizashi screamed from across the apartment, and he winced. ‘Almost tempted to ask for a potion of deafness…’ he thought, pulling himself out of bed. 

~~~ 3 years since the first meeting ~~~

 “How long has it been?” Toshinori asked.

The pair shrugged in unison. “We haven’t exactly kept track.” 

Snape let out a yell of frustration, punching the pillow repeatedly before sticking his face in it and screaming for several minutes. 

The hall fell silent, seeing their normally composed and threatening professor crash like that. Unlike them, Aizawa snorted, clearly remembering that night. “It was no laughing matter.” Severus snarled. “I beg to differ.” 

“Whats got your pants a twist?” Aizawa remarked from where he was reading a book titled, ‘Surviving Your Teaching Career: Step One, Don’t Teach’. 

 “Give me that book.” Minerva groaned. “Minerva!” Sprout gasped, looking amused. “I agree.” Severus said, raising a hand. The gryffindors all looked somehow offended, staring at their head.

“I- I have these absolutely infuriating Gryffindors,” Snape sputtered, too angry to form proper sentences, “A set of twins, and they are the most IDIODIC TWINS I have ever seen!”

 “That’s us Forge!” Fred exclaimed, “I know Gred.” George yelled back. “We didn’t know you talked about us Professor!” The pair said, alternating words. “I see what you mean now.” Aizawa said, turning towards Severus. “You do, don’t you.” 

At this point there was no saving his sanity, and after so long studying the man, Aizawa wasn’t going to bother trying. “Sucks to be you,” he muttered, turning the page. 

“NOT JUST THAT!” Snape shouted. “I also have the son of my sworn rival coming in two years!”

 “Me? What did my parents do to you?” Harry asked defensively, not liking his professor bad mouthing his parents. Severus just put his head down.

He winced. He knew all about Snape’s hatred towards James Potter, and his complicated feelings toward Lily Evans (now Potter). They had both shared their stories after a night of heavy drinking due to the exam seasons a while back. Aizawa sincerely hoped that Snape was real after that, and by now he was confident he was real. 

“You have proof right in the flesh.” Flitwick said, pointing at Severus. 

“How about you treat him just like everyone else?” He offered. 

Snape glared at him. “How am I supposed to do that? He’s probably insanely spoiled since he’s,” he made quotation marks with his fingers here, “‘The Boy-Who-Lived’.”

 “Sev-” Sprout started, looking slightly disappointed.

“Yes, yes. I know.” He cut her off. 

“Why don’t you drink a bottle of felix felicis everyday?” Aizawa joked, putting down the book to grab a cup of coffee. He too had his first classes start, and he knew he needed all the coffee he could get.

He was about to take a sip of his beautiful coffee, but was dragged away to the waking world with a pop. 

“FUCK!” He shouted, sitting straight up. 

 “My poor coffee.” Aizawa sniffed overdramatically. “Sensei, you have a coffee machine in the classroom.” Midoriya said. “I know.” He didn’t elaborate. 

“Ugh… What are you talking about?” Hizashi mumbled from beside him. “Nothing,” he assured him guiltily. 

~~~ 5 years after the first meeting (Harry’s 1st year) ~~~

Aizawa was gulping down his third cup of coffee when Snape’s door slammed open. He furiously strode into the room, only to head straight to the alcohol pantry. 

“You guys have an alcohol pantry?” Bakugou asked in disbelief. “I’m just glad I can’t get alcohol poisoning and that it automatically refuels because otherwise, I’d be dead.” Severus commented. “You need therapy.” Aizawa sighed.
“Don’t we all?” Severus asked. “He’s got a point.” Draco muttered to Theo, who nodded.

Snape grabbed a bottle of vodka and started chugging like there was no tomorrow. 

Aizawa stared worriedly, before timidly asking, “May I ask how your meeting with Harry Potter went..?”

 “Horribly.” Trelawney said. “Wow. No wonder you’re a seer.” Severus snarked, rolling his eyes.

His fellow teacher ignored him and drained the bottle, then reached for another. By now, the hero was starting to get anxious. 

“Snape, I don’t think it’ll help anyone if you die of alcohol poisoning,” Aizawa told him, taking another sip of his coffee. 

 “Yes it will. It’ll help me.” He said. “Keep an eye on his real life alcohol intake.” Minerva murmured to Pomfrey, who nodded in agreement.

Snape set the bottle down violently, and started pacing, hands in the air. “Aizawa, you don’t understand!” He told the teacher frantically. “He was abused! ABUSED! How does Albus expect me to be cruel to him?”

 “You told Snape to be cruel to me/Harry?” Ron and Harry said in unison. “It’s for the greater good.” Albus said, not denying the accusations. “How cruel.” Voldemort mocked. “Severus, you better remember whose side you’re on.”

Aizawa went over, setting a hand on his shoulder. “Listen, hey,” he soothed, “You don’t necessarily need to be mean to him. Just… treat him like every other student that you have.”

He groaned. “That’s the thing, I’m mean to all of my students.”

 “You’re not mean to them!” Angelina accused, pointing towards the Slytherins. “Oh he just grounds us in the safety of our common room.” Gemma replied, shivering slightly at the times Severus had stormed in looking furious 

The hero recognized that Snape would have a hard time adjusting to having to be nicer, but he also knew that in order for him to not drink himself to death, he needed to change. Of course, there were many dangers of this, including what would happen if Voldemort (he stoutly refused to call him You-Know-Who or the Dark Lord, he wasn’t a wizard) came back, but he believed in Snape’s ability to lie.

“How dare you?” Tom Riddle aka Voldemort aka the asshole of the century rasped. “You don’t scare us with your fancy stick. Your face does kinda scare me though, wanna consider some plastic surgery?” Monoma piped up from the back, making several Hogwarts students choke. 

“Where the hell did you come from?” Kaminari asked. “I was always here.” Monoma replied. Shinsou only groaned. 

“Yes you can,” Aizawa assured him. “It’s their first year, they won’t know what to expect. Feel free to keep bullying the older students though.”

“Fine…” Snape said grouchily, and Aizawa let him crash on the couch. 

“Hey!” Several said older students exclaimed in protest. 

He woke up midair, disappearing with a ‘pop’, and Aizawa hoped he didn’t wake up with much of a hangover. He too felt the tugging, and woke up in his bed. 

 “I didn’t wake up with a hangover, if you’re wondering Shouta.” Severus said. “Great. At least I know you can’t die from alcohol poisoning now.” Aizawa said, sighing with relief. “Boo.” Severus commented. More than half of the students shot him a slightly worried glance. 

“What? I can’t show my depression anymore?” Severus asked. “For reasons, that was a joke. The joke I mean. Not my depression. Actually-” Severus cut himself off, hiding his face in his hands. “There there.” Aizawa mocked, hiding laughter. 

“Are you ready for your second day of school?” Hizashi teased, throwing him a suit.

Aizawa rolled back over and tried to suffocate himself. 

“Mood.” Kaminari, Shinsou, Monoma and Tsuyu said. “You guys scare me sometimes.” Sero whispered.

~~~ 5.75 years since they met (end of Harry’s 1st year)~~~

The Teacher Therapy Room (as they had officially named it) was decked out in party streamers and bean bags. It was the end of the year, so it meant they needed to celebrate. Aizawa finished the final touches, since it was his turn to decorate this year, and turned around when he heard the door slam open. 

“We love the Teacher Therapy Room.” The pair said in muted enthusiasm. 

Snape practically ran into the room, course set for the wine cabinet, but Aizawa threw himself on top of the other man. By now Snape had become quite close with the alcohol in this room, and the hero was trying to get him to stop.

“Why?? I can’t die!” Severus groaned, looking annoyed. “Because.” Aizawa said. “I dislike you so much.” Severus hissed. “Keep lying to yourself.” 

Snape wheezed, trying to squirm out of the hold the hero had him in. “No, wait!” He screeched. “I need my booze! I need it!!!” He reached pathetically towards the cabinet, as if to summon it with his mind. 

“I wish I could.” 

“I bet you do.” Minerva and Aizawa said at the same time.

“Chill,” Aizawa demanded, using one of the ‘slang’ words his students loved to use. “It’s the end of the year, the booze comes at the end of the party.”

 “HE’S LEARNING! SENSEI’S LEARNING GUYS!” Mina screamed, shaking Bakugou.  “GET OFF OF ME!” He yelled.  

“But you don’t get it!” Snape cried, and oh my god were those actual tears in his eyes. “That– that buffoon decided to face the Dark Lord!”

 “1. You were crying? 2. Are you talking about me?” Harry asked. “Who else would be that much of an idiot to face the Dark Lord?” Severus asked in disbelief. “Severus!” Minerva yelled. “You can’t call students idiots!”

“You’ve called me worse when I was a student!” Severus exclaimed.

The potionsmaster had begun crawling slowly towards the alcohol, Aizawa still weighing him down. “Ok, that is terrible but he had help, right?” He said. “Right?” By now it was more of a plea.

“NO! HE/I DIDN’T!” The Golden Trio exclaimed, 2 looking annoyed and worried, the other looking angry.

Snape sobbed. “No, he was alone. It was just them and he FUCKING burned the mans face off!”

“As he should!” Ochako yelled out. “AS HE SHOULD!” The rest of the class yelled back. “Guys, we don’t like murder.” Yamada chuckled nervously. “From what I could gather, this Dark Lord seems extremely unmanly.” Kirishima said. “Unmanly?” Draco asked. “It’s just Kirishima, don’t mind him.” Sero said.

The teacher managed to throw off Aizawa, and swerved away from the booze to flop on the couch. All Aizawa could do was rub his back sympathetically as the other man sobbed into the pillow. Distantly, he thought, ‘we really need to replace, or get another, pillow. It’s been cried on so many times that I’m shocked it hasn’t started molding.’

“It still hasn’t.” Severus remarked. “Still surprised.” Aizawa commented. 

Focusing back at the matter on hand, he pulled out a book. It was going to be a long night. 

 “It was indeed a long night.”

~~~ 6 years since they met (Harry’s 2nd year) ~~~

 “6 years in Potter’s 2nd year so around 10 years now.” Severus said.

By the time Aizawa showed up, he saw the all too familiar sight now of Snape chugging a bottle of wine. 

 “I’m getting extremely worried about your alcohol consumption levels.” Pomfrey commented. 

He was too exhausted from his first day to do anything but sit next to the man and brew himself the strongest coffee he could. “Tough day?” He asked, waiting for the machine to finish making the liquid to perfection. 

“You will not believe what Potter did today!" Snape told him, jumping straight into a rant. “He and Weasley, the youngest boy, flew a fucking car to the school!” Aizawa’s jaw dropped. “What?!”

 “WHAT?” Midoriya and Bakugou shouted. Todoroki, who was sitting next to them, covered his ears. “You guys cannot seriously be talking kero.” Tsuyu croaked. The pair glanced away. 

“Exactly!” Snape pointed a finger at nothing in particular. Aizawa noticed his words were beginning to slur together. ‘At least you can’t die from anything in this place,’ he thought. ‘Otherwise I would be dead from caffeine overdose and him from alcohol poisoning.’

Snape continued. “And then, they have the gall to claim that it wasn’t their fault, it was the fault of a house elf!”

They both let out sighs at the students' stupidity.

 “It was Dobby though!” Ron shouted in defense. “You didn’t expect me to believe that, did you?” Severus asked. 

~~~ 6.75 years since start (end of Harry’s 2nd year) ~~~

Aizawa came into the room fully prepared to either see Snape chugging a bottle of vodka, or to see everything set up nicely. 

He saw both. Snape was also crying, something that had not been uncommon in the past two years, and when he saw Aizawa, he looked at him with the eyes of a man who had nothing left to lose. 

“That room has been the only reason I haven’t attempted to throw myself off the astronomy tower.” 

“You picked the wrong person to be your will to live.” Aizawa commented. “I didn’t say you were my will to live. The alcohol is.” “Of course it is.” 

“Potter…” Snape began. “Potter faced the Dark Lord as an angsty teenager.” 

 “Severus.” Voldemort said in a creepy ass raspy voice. “I’m sorry, my Lord.”

He couldn’t help it. He started laughing. “Who was the teenager? Both?” At the other man’s reluctant nod, he laughed even harder.

 “I’M NOT AN ANGSTY TEACHER!” The pair shrieked at the same time before shooting venomous looks at each other. “I’m surprised Dolores hasn’t talked shit yet.” Sinistra commented. “The pink haired bitch lady right? She passed out a couple minutes ago.” Yamada said. “Good.” Sprout spat out, making several stare at her in disbelief.

“This isn’t funny!” Snape shouted. “He is just- so- so irresponsible!” He let out a scream of rage, throwing the bottle at the wall. 

 “You need therapy.” Terry said bravely.

“No, I need less idiot students.” Severus responded.

Aizawa was on the floor at that point, and now they were both crying, for different reasons of course.

“That sounds like a handful,” he said in between laughs. Snape glared at him. “Just you wait until you have your own stupid student. They’ll come along, and then I’ll be the one laughing.” 

 “HA!” Severus cackled, pointing at Aizawa’s face. “You jinxed me!” He exclaimed. 

~~~ 7 years since beginning (Harry’s 3rd year) ~~~

They appeared in the room at the same time. Aizawa expected Snape to either go to the pantry or start ranting, and the other teacher chose the latter. 

“Albus is insane!” He declared, grabbing Aizawa by the shoulders and shaking him. “He invites dementors over to Hogwarts to hunt for Sirius Black, even knowing how it affected Potter!”

 “That seems awfully like you’re starting to care about that boy Severus.” Voldemort hissed. No response. 

By now Snape had mentally adopted Harry, and he talked so much like a proud father that Aizawa could tell he would do anything for the boy. Obviously, Snape was too proud to admit it, but he was wearing the potionsmaster down. 

 “You have??” Harry asked in confusion. Severus groaned, placing his head in his hands. “You have?” Voldemort said in a much more threatening voice. 

“Potter was so brave earlier,” Snape told him, pride laced in every word. “He protected his friends against some dementors, but a certain werewolf,” he sneered, “took way too long to help out!” 

 “I’m flattered.” Harry said, still in slight confusion. “I hate you.” Severus told Cassandra. 

Now he had Aizawa’s full attention. “Dumbledore is hiring a werewolf?!” He exclaimed. Of all the irresponsible things, one would think that hiring a werewolf to teach at a school that had a notoriously overconfident crowd of students *cough cough gryffindors cough cough* was in the top five.

 “Professor Lupin was one of the best teachers we had.” Dean shouted. “I’m not arguing against that! But a student nearly died before to a werewolf, forgive me for being paranoid.” Aizawa said. “Who?” Seamus asked. “Not saying.” 

“Yes he is, and I don’t know why!” Snape griped, pulling out a stress ball and squeezing like his sanity depended on it. (it did.) 

 “It definitely did.” 

“This is worse than the fraud,” He groaned wearily, heading to the couch and starting to grade his papers. 

“Fraud?” Dolores asked. “Why the fuck are you awake? Go back to sleep.” Nemuri said. “Shoo.” Barbage said, knocking her out. “I like her.” Bellatrix muttered to Narcissa. “She won’t like you.” 

“I know ri–” he was cut off by Aizawa’s rude awakening, and Aizawa opened his eyes to see Hizashi lying on the floor.

“What happened?” He asked, still grouchy. Silence, then. “I fell off the bed,” Hizashi mumbled, embarrassed. Aizawa just sighed.

~~~ 7.75 years since start (end of 3rd year for Harry) ~~~

The Pro Hero was finishing up the last of his students' exams, when Snape came limping in. Immediately he hurried over to him, the healing potion he always kept in hand, asking, “What happened? Where are you hurt?”

Snape tried pushing him away but to no avail. He gave up and responded, “Werewolf. What do you think?” Aizawa grimaced. “The students are ok, though?”

The other man nodded. Aizawa let out a sigh of relief. “I’m not too badly hurt,” Snape added. “Just bruised from being thrown into a cabinet.”

“What..?” 

 “Please don’t tell the whole story.” Severus prayed.

He sighed. “You know what, it’s easier to just tell it from the beginning.”

“Fuck.” 

“ – and then I fell asleep.” Snape finished, Aizawa watching with a mix of tiredness and amusement. “So you’re telling me that you stalked Potter, attacked a serial killer, found out Peter Pettigrew was alive and that said serial killer was framed, and ran away from a werewolf instead of staying and helping?” He raised an eyebrow.

 “FUCK.” 

“I’m so flattered.” Harry said. “Stop inflating his ego, holy shit.” Draco said.

“…yes.” Snape admitted sulkily. Aizawa grinned. “Also, you mentioned how brave Potter was no less than ten times.” 

He lunged at the hero. “YOU LITTLE SHI—”

With a pop, he disappeared, Aizawa snickering from the couch. After he grabbed his coffee, he returned to his papers. ‘Time to get this over with.’ He thought.

~~~ 8 years after start (Harry’s 4th year) ~~~

Snape was lying on the floor, staring at nothing in particular, when Aizawa entered the room. With a sigh, he approached the man. “What did Potter do now?” He asked, exasperated. 

Snape groaned. “He somehow signed up for the Triwizard Tournament despite the fact that there was an age limit.” 

 “Do you just talk about all your students?” Toshinori asked. “Of course, it’s healing for our non-existent sanity.” Severus said. 

“The Triwizard Tournament? That’s the one that was banned?” Aizawa questioned. Snape made a noise of agreement, then jumped as the hero plopped down next him, shutting his eyes.

“I- What are you doing?!” The other teacher sputtered, sitting up. 

“Resting.” 

“Yeah, but don’t do it next to me!” Snape shouted half-heartedly. 

Aizawa didn’t respond. Rumor had it that All Might had been injured a couple of years ago, and Nedzu made him clean up and remove any evidence. He had spent the entire day gossiping about the #1 hero with a bunch of old ladies, and had his cheeks pulled way too many times. 

The potionsmaster lay back down, grumbling the whole time. 

“Well, at least we know that there’s no way the Dark Lord can get to him now,” Snape mumbled, closing his eyes too.

 “You fucking jinxed me.” Severus yelled. “My bad.” Was the only response.

~~~ 8.75 years after first meeting (end of Harry’s 4th year) ~~~

“YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Snape screamed, tackling Aizawa to the ground. Before he could get a response in, the man continued. “YOU FUCKING JINXED ME!”

 “SEE!” 

Aizawa blinked slowly. “I’m sorry… what did I jinx…?”

“The Dark Lord is back!” Snape yelled, getting off him and sitting on the couch, head in his hands. 

“Oh. Shit.”

 “Aizawa-sensei!” Iida said with a horrified gasp. “He swore and you didn’t care.” Toshinori said. “That’s…fair.” Iida stopped with a defeated sigh.

“Yup. I’m going to die!” He wailed, panic heavy in his voice. Aizawa immediately went into hero mode, instinct taking over. “Hey, don’t worry,” he reassured Snape, who was freaking out. “If things get bad, I’ll rescue you.”

 “How?” Angelina asked. “I’ll figure it out.” Aizawa said dismissively.

He brought his head out of his hands. “Really?” He croaked, voice hoarse. 

“Really.” Aizawa promised. 

There was a beat of silence. “Wait. How?” 

“...”

“Aizawa.”

“I’ll think of it somehow!” Aizawa practically yelled. 

 He had never been so glad to feel the tugging in his chest, disappearing with a burst. 

~~~ 9 years past beginning (Harry’s 5th year) ~~~

Aizawa entered the room and was immediately blinded. Everywhere he looked, there was pink. He looked through pained eyes and saw it was actually hundreds of… dartboards? They all had pictures of a (frankly quite ugly) lady who was absolutely decked out in pink. 

 Several people gagged, turned towards said ugly lady who was still lying on the ground conscious and gagged again.

He looked around for Snape, and saw him standing in the center of the room, throwing darts at the dartboards as if his life depended on it. 

“It’s amazing stress relief, I recommend it to your enemies.” 

“Severus, provide me with a picture of that boy immediately.” Tom said. “My lord, next to you.” Voldemort turned around and saw Lucius holding up a daily prophet with Harry’s face already carved out. “Wonderful.”
“Can I ask who that lady is…?” Aizawa brought up tentatively. 

“You don’t want to get to know her.” Everybody from Hogwart’s chorused in unison, almost like they practised it. 

Snape just muttered curses, emptying the basket and grabbing some daggers out of nowhere, and continued throwing. 

~~~ 9.75 years since beginning (end of Harry’s 5th year) ~~~

Snape was laughing maniacally to himself as he walked into the room. ‘Has he lost his mind?’ Aizawa wondered, hand twitching towards his scarf out of habit. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked. Snape was full on smiling, all his teeth showing. “That fucker is dead!” He announced.

 “Which fucker you’re talking about here? There’s quite a few.” 

“Which fucker? Voldemort?” Snape flinched slightly at the name drop. “No, unfortunately not,” he shook his head sadly. “It was Black.” 

“You’re such an ass.” Harry seethed. 

“Ah.” Aizawa frowned. He knew that Snape harbored immense feelings of hate towards the Gryffindor, but he was torn. He wanted to be on the side of his friend, but doing so went against everything that his time as a hero taught him. 

“Do you really hate him that much?” He asked softly, standing up. Snape froze. 

 “Why do you hate him so much?” Harry snarled, getting up before getting tugged down. He was met by silence on Severus’s end.

He let out a laugh, but Aizawa could make out hints of nervousness in it. “Of course I do. I’m insanely glad that he’s dead.” 

Aizawa looked at him, sadness in his eyes. “I know he treated you terribly, but it wasn’t right to laugh over his death.” 

 “It’s really not.” Minerva said. “You never helped me.” Severus said. “I regret that.” She murmured. “Do you though?” He asked, voice sharp.

Snape inhaled sharply. Aizawa went up close, then hugged him. “It never is.” The hero whispered, memories flashing through his mind. Of villains who killed those they hated because of how they used to be treated, of families torn apart by past mistakes.

The other teacher started to sniff. Soon he was crying, tears streaming down his face. “I—” he began, but stopped, his throat closing up. 

 “Sev…” 

“Shut up.”

He tried again. “I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted to lose Lily… I never wanted to join the Dark Lord.”

 “Severus.” Voldemort said. “I can’t harm you now.” He let the threat hang in the air. 

Aizawa offered him a soft smile, and he realized that his vision was blurry. ‘Huh.’ He realized, ‘I’m crying.’

They stayed, hugging and crying, until the tugging on their chests released them to the world of the awake.

~~~ 10 years since first meeting (Harry’s 6th year) ~~~

 “I was right.”

“Shut up.”

Aizawa stormed into the room. Snape was already there, nursing a bottle of wine, when Aizawa walked up to him and grabbed it, gulping the remains of it down. 

 “Oh no.” Flitwick said. “They’re both turning into alcoholics.” Yamada nodded grimly. “We’re not dead yet.” 

“Surprisingly.” Pomfrey scoffed.

“Hey, what are you doing?!” Snape complained, already reaching for another. The hero grabbed that one too, downing it. 

“I,” he began, “am so, so sorry for all the teasing I did about Potter.” 

 “We aren’t that bad!” Midoriya said, Bakugou nodding beside him.

The other teacher's eyes lit up. “You got a problem child…?” He asked, hope blooming in his voice. 

Aizawa just nodded mournfully, sinking down in the seat pathetically. “On the day of the test, he broke both his legs and an arm. First day of classes, he breaks his finger.” 

 “What?” Hannah asked. “It was an accident!” Midoriya defended. “I would hope so.” Susan shot back, looking horrified.

Snape burst into laughter. “He’s even worse than Potter!” He cried, laughing, making him hold his chest. 

“Shut up.” Aizawa grumbled. 

~~~ USJ (still Harry’s 6th year) ~~~

Snape let out a (totally manly) scream when he saw Aizawa. 

“It wasn’t manly.” Aizawa said. “Shut the fuck up.” Several people chuckled as Severus shot him and then them a venomous glare.

Aizawa had just fallen asleep after the events at USJ, and he was not feeling well. 

“Who- what-?” Snape stuttered. Recognition dawned in his face. “Aizawa!?”

“You look horrifying.” Ginny noted in morbid fascination. “Thanks.” Aizawa groaned.

“Sup.” He grunted, lumbering over to the couch.

“How did this happen?” Snape demanded, heading over to him to fuss over his injuries. 

Aizawa shared the story. After, the potionsmaster just let out a sigh. “I don’t know if I’m more frustrated at you or your problem child.” 

“Yes. That should be your answer.” Tsuyu said after a croak.

He made a noise of protest, and Snape simply handed him a bottle of clear liquid. “This isn’t alcohol,” he clarified. “It’s a potion that will rapidly speed up your growth.” 

“Thanks.” 

Snape nodded sharply, then grinned mischievously. “Nice to see you finally match your scarf.” 

 “BURN!” Kaminari and Sero shouted, toppling into each other. “Immature brats.” Aizawa hissed.

“HEY!” Aizawa shouted, standing, but he tripped over his own feet and fell to the ground. Snape started crying from laughter.

~~~ Sports Festival (you guessed it, still 6th year for Harry) ~~~

“Kill me now,” Aizawa groaned, pouring himself a combination of vodka and coffee. 

 “Same.” Several people chorused, including Severus.

“Me too.” Snape agreed, taking the bottle from his hands and chugging it. 

“The problem child broke 90% of the bones in his body and made another child embrace his daddy problems.” Aizawa sobbed. “You?”

 “Pfft. That’s one way to explain that.” Nemuri chuckled. 

“Potter has taken to stalking Malfoy in the halls. I’m not sure if he has feelings for him or thinks he works for the Dark Lord.” Snape sighed, grabbing another bottle. 

 “He/I/Potter what?” 

“I don’t have feelings for him!” Harry protested, blushing rising. “You better not!” Draco shot back, blush covering his cheeks. Severus just sighed.

“Three of my students, including the problem child, are in a love triangle, and they don’t even know,” griped Aizawa, stealing the bottle from him to down its contents. 

 “WAIT WHAT?” All the teachers minus Aizawa shrieked. Mina was fanning herself looking delighted, Midoriya looked mortified. “Wait between who?” Momo asked. “Maybe between Midoriya, Bakugou and Todoroki?” Ochako suggested. “WHAT?” Bakugou and Midoriya both shrieked, one angry and one embarrassed. “...What?” Todoroki said, obliviously. 

He was in the middle of drinking when he woke up with a snap. “You ok?” Hizashi asked from his side. 

Aizawa just curled up and cried. 

~~~ 10.75 years since beginning (end of Harry’s 6th year) ~~~

The door opened with a crash, and Aizawa looked up to see a devastated Snape. Immediately he dropped everything and rushed to the man. “What’s wrong? What happened?” He questioned, scanning him for any injuries.

“Albus… is dead.” Snape choked out. “The Dark Lord has taken over Britain, and now I’m the headmaster.” 

“WHAT?” Everybody yelled. Albus only looked serene. “Peace students. I knew the day was coming.” 

Aizawa was stunned to say the least. How could this have happened? Snape had reassured him over and over again how Voldemort would never take over Hogwarts. 

 “BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE HAD IT UNDER CONTROL!” Severus screamed, pointing at Albus. “My boy.” Severus only glared at him. Voldemort had a gruesome smile stretched onto his lips, making Monoma and several others gag.

There was nothing he could do but offer the man a bottle of booze. “… you want to wash away our troubles?” He offered. 

Snape gratefully accepted the bottle.

~~~ During summer camp with the wild wild pusscats (in between Harry’s 6th and 7th year) ~~~

“You look like you’re having fun,” Snape muttered, shooting a glare at Aizawa, who was having way too much fun to care. 

“My students are facing extremely hard training,” he crowed, tempted to do a mini victory dance but stopping himself.  

“Lucky.” The potionsmaster said. “I’ve been spending the whole summer figuring out how to get Potter and his merry gang to find all the horcruxes.” 

 “You’re helping them?” Voldemort growled. (y/n x ceo looking ah) 

“I threatened to expel the problem child unless he manages to control his powers,” Aizawa announced gleefully.

Snape just glared and went back to carding through maps. 

~~~ After fight between all might and all for one (still summer between 6th and 7th year) ~~~

“All Might is a skeleton now,” Aizawa remarked, stirring a cup of coffee. 

 “Aizawa!” All the teachers shouted. “Bad wording, I’m not wrong.” 

Snape spit out his own coffee. “Like, he’s dead?” 

 “Why is that your first thought?” Toshinori asked in distress. “You try getting told someone is a skeleton without thinking they were dead.”

“Nah, he just looks very skinny.” 

“Asshole.” 

 “Takes one to know one,” Aizawa responded cheerfully, dodging the spell sent his way. 

 “GET SASSED!” Yamada yelled. Severus tsked, looking annoyed.

~~~ When Voldemort confronts Snape over the elder wand (Im too lazy to write the dorms for mha ok) ~~~  (They can’t see this it’s a surprise.)

Aizawa was teaching his students about some battle tactics, when he felt a tug go through him. ‘That’s odd,’ he thought, ‘I’m not at the Teachers Therapy Room…’

“What? That’s weird.” Charity noted. 

He dismissed it, but only seconds after, a door appeared in thin air in the middle of the classroom. Unconsciously, he immediately got into battle position, while his students froze. 

 The hero paused. ‘Wait a second…’ he realized. ‘That’s the same door Snape always comes in from.’ 

 “Oh shit.” Severus whispered. 

His students started panicking, and he snapped back to attention. “Be quiet!” He barked, stepping towards the door. “I know how to handle this situation. I’ll be back soon, don’t worry.” 

Right before he entered the door, he turned around to face them. “Most importantly, do not under any circumstances, follow me.” Then he entered, ready to face whatever lay on the other side.

— — — POV SHIFT: HARRY POTTER — — —

Harry was crouched in the tunnel, looking through a panel of broken wood. He was listening to the conversation between Snape and Voldemort. 

"All this long night, when I am on the brink of victory, I have sat here," Voldemort told Snape quietly, "wondering, wondering, why the Elder Wand refuses to be what it ought to be, refuses to perform as legend says it must perform for its rightful owner... and I think I have the answer."

Wisely, or maybe not, Snape remained silent.

Voldemort stared at him. "Perhaps you already know it? You are a clever man, after all, Severus. You have been a good and faithful servant, and I regret what must happen." 

 “Faithful servant? Don’t make me laugh.” Lucius scoffed. 

Panic flitted over his face, and he began to protest. "My Lord -"

 Voldemort started smiling, understanding that his death will soon arrive.

"The Elder Wand cannot serve me properly, Severus, because I am not its true master. The Elder Wand belongs to the wizard who killed its last owner. You killed Albus Dumbledore. While you live, Severus, the Elder Wand cannot truly be mine." Voldemort ignored his protests, stepping towards him slowly. 

"My Lord!" Snape repeated, holding his wand as if to block him.

"It cannot be any other way," said Voldemort. "I must master the wand, Severus. Master the wand, and I master Potter at last." He began to raise his wand. 

Suddenly, a bright light filled the room. Harry blinked the dark spots out of his eyes, then blinked again to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. In the middle of the room was a door. 

 “GO AIZAWA SENSEI!” Class 1-A shrieked. Monoma and Shinsou, both smiled slightly.

Both Voldemort and Snape had paused to stare at the door, Voldemort with mild curiosity, and Snape with something akin to horror. 

 Then, the door handle moved. It opened to reveal a figure with long dark hair and lots of bandages (Harry wasn’t sure) around their neck. 

The person stared around for a moment, eyes catching on everyone in the room, including Harry somehow, before sighing. 

“You know what, I never thought I would do this,” they began, and like a match their eyes lit up a bright red, the same color as Voldemort's. 

 “GET FUCKING KILLED BITCH!” Hogwarts practically shrieked, even including Slytherins.

They stared at Voldemort, and Harry felt the connection sever. ‘How?!’ He thought, shocked. 

The figure stood in place for a few seconds, then pulled out a gun. His jaw dropped. Why did they have a gun?!

 “FUCK THAT’S WHAT WE SHOULD HAVE USED THE FIRST WAR.” Severus yelled. “WHY DIDN’T YOU?” Aizawa yelled back. “Dunno.” Severus shrugged. Aizawa’s left eye twitched, looking frustrated as hell.

After a brief minute of silence, they grinned, then told Snape, “You lucky son of a bitch, if I wasn’t here, who knows what could have happened if I wasn’t here.” 

Then, in a blink of an eye, they shot three bullets. One hit Nagini dead on, and she flopped to the floor. The second lodged in Harry’s shoulder, who let out a cry of pain, falling through the floorboards and into the room.

He only had a moment to savor the look of shock on Voldemort's face before it was wiped off by the bullet lodging solidly in his skull. 

 Harry watched in shock and amazement as Voldemort fell, never to get up again.

 “HA GET RECKED BITCH!” Harry yelled. Fred and George let off some fireworks. Voldemort, furious, immediately got up before whipping out his wand. Without further ado, Cassandra stepped in, teleporting him and the Death Eaters out of the Great Hall. “I’ll be back.” She said.

“What? How?!” Snape said, shocked. 

The person just let out a laugh. “Once you told me about the horcruxes, I got someone to make bullets that would instantly kill them (don’t ask how, not even the author knows).” 

 “COOL!” Dennis yelled.

Harry could only stare helplessly at everything going on around him as one though went through his mind: ‘who the fuck is that???’

“A nightmare bitch.” Draco said. 

Cassandra soon teleported back. “I would like to show you guys a funny thing inside the Teacher Therapy Room.”

The pair were lying on a rug, both looking exhausted with like 4 wine bottles around them. It was clear the pair had been either talking or ranting about something.

“That would go against my moral compass.” Severus said. 

“Your fucking moral compass is a spinny wheel!” Aizawa yelled, springing up. “No! It depends who’s talking to me.” Severus said. 

“I mean same.” Bakugou said. “Wha-”

The Great Hall was suddenly empty. Cassandra had teleported the mha cast back to U.A. while teleporting the Hogwarts students and teachers back to their dormitories/sleeping areas.

“That was fun.” She said to the quiet room. “You betcha ass it was fun to watch.” Aliya said, appearing next to her. Cassandra smiled before teleporting away.

“See you all in the next one!” Aliya said before disappearing.