Work Text:
Perfection has led me nowhere, though I followed every rule,
My life was shaped by others to become the perfect tool.
Perfect grades and perfect records, they can tell the tale.
Yet somehow, just somehow I still fail.
I never caused a problem, never asked for too much space,
I learned to wear a careful smile, to keep it on my face.
I always put others first; they’re at the forefront of my mind,
My own wants and needs are things Ive long left behind.
I learned to help and comfort, to give more than what was fair.
And measured my worth by how much weight I could bear.
I worry over every word before it leaves my tongue,
Afraid that one small mistake would prove I don’t belong.
I tried to be what others wanted, changing piece by piece,
Convinced that if I pleased enough, my fears would finally cease.
I listened to their wishes and shaped myself around their view,
Until I could no longer tell which parts of me were true.
Now when someone asks me what I want or what I’d choose,
I cannot answer. I’m just confused.
For I have spent so many years being perfect for everyone else,
That I forgot how to desire a life for myself.
I cannot name the things I want, nor where I wish to be,
Because I’ve built my world around what others ask of me.
And still, despite my efforts, despite all I have done,
There are people who dislike me, though I’ve harmed no one.
They do not see the sacrifices hidden underneath,
The countless ways I bent myself, desperate for relief.
So what was all this striving for, this endless careful act,
If all the love I hoped to gain was something perfection lacked?
I am tired of living for everyone except for me,
Yet frightened of who Id become if I chose to be free.
Perfection has led me nowhere; at last I can see,
The person I have been denying is the one I’d want to be.