Archive of Our Own

“Gosh that’s bleeding a lot” Lars says under his breath as he holds Drivers hand close to his face.

It really wasn’t. It was a small scratch, nothing Driver couldn't handle, this was nothing compared to the state Lars had found him in a year ago.

On his right index finger, a large cut ran across his second knuckle. It stung a little when he flexed his finger, but it didn’t hurt all that bad.

“I'm fine” Driver mutters, trying to keep Lars calm.

Lars stares at the scratch on his finger, they’re about half a mile from home, on an errand for Karin to the neighbor's house. And he really doesn't want to talk to the neighbor right now, he can be so loud.

“I don’t have any bandaids with me” the corner of Lars’ mouth drift downward in a small frown. He runs his hands through his pockets, looking for anything he can use to stop the bleeding.

“That’s ok” Driver says as a shiver runs down his spine. It’s early fall, not that cold for Wisconsin, but Driver wore a jacket everyday while living in sunny LA, so no matter how warm it is, he’s still freezing.

Lars definitely noticed the shiver. He lets go of Driver's hand, which stays in the air where it was held, and grabs his blanket off of his own shoulders. He drapes it gently around Driver's neck and across his narrow shoulders.

Driver moves his unharmed hand up to touch the blanket, he gently taps it and feels the fibers, still warm from being under Lars' coat. It’s soft.

“We should go home, get you patched up” Lars says as he grabs Drivers hand, inspecting the scratch again.

 

As they walk, Lars holds Driver's unharmed hand gently, guiding him along the edge of the road. Between the two gloves, Lars' mittens and Drivers leather gloves, the physical contact is easy.

Lars never had an issue with touching Driver. Lars knew it was because Driver knew how he felt. Driver was just as touch averse as Lars was. Because of that, Lars was very comfortable with the physical contact, even craving it at times.

 

Driver discovered when he met Lars, that not touching at all, was an option. In LA, everyone shook your hand, or patted you on the back, or sometimes even hugged you, it was normal. It had always felt so weird to him, someone invading his personal space just for the sake of doing it, but he never even considered saying ‘no’, or even dodging the touch.

Not until Lars found him, and after the first week of watching Lars, and how he approached the world, he found that the feeling he got when he was touched, wasn’t felt alone. Lars had shown him it was ok to set boundaries and say no to touch. It took them months to realize how nice it was to have someone like you.

Someone you can comfortably hold without burning.

 

The front door to the main house creaks as Lars walks in, followed by a much smaller and much colder Driver. Lars takes off his large boots and his large coat at the door with smooth ease. He quickly turns around and helps Driver take his coat off.

The coat is incredibly similar to Lars’ own coat. The hood and shoulders are dark purple, while the rest of the fabric around his torso is a deep brown, resembling the trees near the lake. Lars picked it out special for him.

“I don’t need help” Driver says, putting in no effort to stop Lars, he trusts him with anything, and he deep down loves to be fretted over.

“You’re hurt and cold, let me help you” Lars demands, his voice still so soft and kind. Driver could melt into the words and never come back.

“Welcome back boys! How was your errand?” Karin yells from the kitchen. She had sent Lars to the neighbors to drop off some old tupperware from a dinner party. Driver tagged along.

“The cat scratched Casey” Lars doesn’t yell, he never yells, but his voice carries well enough through the house for Karin to hear.

“Oh no! That’s terrible, come wash the cut sweetheart” Karin rushes from the kitchen, almost slamming into Lars’ back as she approaches them, and grabs Driver's ungloved wrist to examine the scratch.

Driver flinches at the touch and shoots a small glance at Lars, who is staring at the interaction between hands in front of him. Lars quickly taps on Karin's hand that grips Driver.

“Oh! Right, I’m so sorry Casey, I completely forgot” she presses the heel of her hand to her forehead. She’s trying, she really is, to understand why neither of them enjoy being touched. It’s hard for her to remember not to, so they have their little ways of reminding her.

“How did you get scratched? Didn’t you have your gloves on?” she asks as she folds her arms. She never understood the practicality of his gloves, they don’t do much for the cold with the bare knuckles and all.

“I took them off to pet the cat” he says as he stares down at his hand, he can still feel Karin’s grasp on his palm and wrist.

“Well, we need to get that cut washed, come with me hun” she walks to the kitchen. Neither of them follow.

“Can I help you wash it?” Lars asks, looking at the ground between them. His hands fidget together at his stomach. His eyes scrunch up tight, blinking hard and resetting his face, before shifting his gaze to look at Driver's hand.

“Sure” Driver's mouth morphs into an awkward smile as he moves towards the bathroom, following Lars.

 

A baby babbles loudly from the other room, Gus babbles back.

 

The two men stand together in the small bathroom, Lars holds Driver's ungloved hand in his own, slightly larger hand. The skin to skin contact brings a wave of calm over the two.

“This ok?” Lars asks through his mustache, his head angled down to get the best view of the scratch.

“Yeah” Driver replies in a hurry. “You’re ok”

Lars smiles a tiny bit, he doesn’t like to admit, but he loves when Driver says that he is ok. He’ll never admit that he’s as possessive over Driver as he is.

Lars reaches up to the medicine cabinet where the bandaids and neosporin are kept, he pulls them out one by one and sets them on the counter in a neat line.

Lars gently brings the scratched hand to the sink, and turns the faucet to warm. He runs his hand through the water, testing the temperature. He brings Drivers hand under the sink and gently rinses the finger, being extra careful not to get Drivers sleeve wet.

He takes a small bit of hand soap and rubs it over the scratch, as carefully as he can. Driver jumps a little at the pain, it stings.

“You ok? Is the water too hot?” Lars pulls the mess of intertwined hands out from under the faucet

“No, just stings” Driver says through gritted teeth. He’s dealt with worse, this shouldn’t hurt so bad, it's a tiny scratch. His stomach grinds and aches, he hates being this weak, especially around Lars.

Lars is always so brave. Always talking for the two of them, always protecting Driver in any situation they bump into that's even the slightest bit uncomfortable. Even if that ‘protecting’ is Lars dragging Driver away from a lady who is dead set on talking to him at the grocery store.

“It’ll sting less when I put the bandaid on it” Lars says as he ducks their hands back under the running water. He ever so gently scrubs at the scratch, making sure it's as clean as can be before covering it up.

He turns the water off without letting go of his hold on Driver and reaches for a towel. He silently pats the finger and surrounding hand dry. The action soothes the small ache that was forming under Drivers skin.

Lars drops Driver's hand, and again, it stays in the same place in the air, waiting for Lars to touch it again. The cool air blows across his skin where Lars’ fingers were. He feels the gentle sting of cold spread across his palm in Lars’ absence.

Lars turns and grabs the small bandaid. He struggles to grip the thin paper before ripping it open and gently peeling the paper off of the adhesive. He twists the tube of neosporin open and puts the smallest dollop on the cotton rectangle at the center of the fabric.

He positions the cotton above the scratch with as much precision as he can, breathing deep to stop his hands from shaking.

He peels the paper all the way away and wraps the bandaid around Drivers finger, smoothing out any creases or lumps, making sure it’s perfect.

“Is that too tight?” He looks up, staring at Drivers nose. His eyes blink hard as he asks.

“No, ‘s perfect, thank you” Driver stares at his hand, still wrapped in Lars’ fingers.

Lars drops his hands away from Drivers. He pulls his hands to his chest and fiddles with the fabric of his sweater. The sting returns to Driver's skin, he stretches his fingers out towards Lars before burying both his hands in the pockets of his white jacket.

“You’re welcome Casey. We should go say hi to Bianca” Lars says as he shuffles past Driver, rubbing their shoulders together. The contact, even through layers of sweaters and flannels, sends a shiver down Lars’ spine. A good shiver, he notes.

Driver lights up a little at the thought of seeing Bianca, Karin and Gus’ baby. He learned early on where she got her name, he knows all about Bianca, Lars’ late girlfriend. He knows that she was a doll, and understands her importance to both Lars, and the town.

He understands more than anyone why Lars would fall in love with an ‘emotionless doll’, as Gus called her, regardless of how real she was to everyone. He’s thankful that Lars is capable of loving someone like Bianca, because that means he would love someone like Driver.

When he stepped foot into the Lindstrom household for the first time, he didn’t expect the person he would get along with best, other than Lars, to be the baby. He discovered he was good with kids when he first met Irene, Benicio was such a joy to be around.

He should stop thinking about them.

But he and little baby Bianca got along better than anyone would have guessed. His presence alone can calm her down and stop her crying. The two of them can sit together for hours and just talk, or Bianca babbles along and Driver hums in response.

Lars and Driver very often babysit while her parents are off on a date, or when Gus has to work late and Karin volunteers in town. They spend evenings playing with her and talking together.

It’s when Driver is at his happiest, his smile the most genuine Lars has seen.

 

Driver follows Lars out of the bathroom while he stares down at the brown bandaid around his finger. The two walk into the living room to see Gus and Biance sprawled out on the rug, large lego blocks scattered and small towers built between the two.

Gus sees the two and sits up, straightening his hoodie as he looks up to the two men, who stand with their shoulders pressed against each other.

“How uh.. How's your hand Casey?”. Gus has always been a bit cagey about Driver, his sudden entrance into their mundane lives didn’t help. Lars finding him on the side of the road in an old Chevy Malibu with a massive stab wound and refusing to explain who he is really gave the wrong vibe.

He’s gotten more comfortable around him, with how good he is with Bianca and how much Lars adores him, but he still has a hard time talking with the guy.

“My hands fine, Lars helped” Driver looks to Lars with his eyes wide, glassy and blue staring at Lars' hair. Lars flusters a little at the words. His voice is quiet as it gently wraps itself around Lars’ brain and settles in his memory, he savors any and all praise from Driver.

“That's good, do you guys.. Wanna hang out with Bia? Im gonna check on dinner” Gus stands when the two nod. He walks to the kitchen and presses a kiss to Karin's cheek from behind and starts helping her with the food on the stove.

Driver slowly sits next to Bianca, who giggles loudly at the groan he lets out in subtle pain. Lars follows him with gentle concern. The gaping hole in Drivers side is healed, but it was still hurting him when he moved around too much. Laying down and sitting up were especially painful for him.

Bianca sits between the two and slams two blocks together, she babbles loudly as she does, making Driver giggle with her. Lars stares at the man, at his eyes. Eye contact is still the worst feeling for him, even with Driver. He loves when he can stare at Drivers icy blue eyes without him staring back.

Lars watches the way his shoulders shake from gentle laughter, he watches the way his hands maneuver to build a small tower with the blocks while Biance does her best to fit the blocks together.

Driver cheers as she figures out how they work and they both giggle. Lars can’t stop staring at the scene. Obsessed with how happy Driver is, the large toothy smile stretched across his face as he picks Bianca up and tickles her in his lap.

He doesn’t look away when Karin walks out from the kitchen and swells with pride as she takes in the scene, a wide smile spreading across her face and scrunching the skin around her eyes.

“Lars, could you and Gus set the table? Dinners just about ready” she goes to tap his shoulder, and stops and retracts her hand with a quiet little “oops”.

Lars doesn't look away from Driver as he stands and walks away, only peeling his eyes away from the man once his neck strains from stretching around too much.

Karin follows him to the kitchen, a massive grin across her face.

“Well isn’t that just the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen Gus?” she gently nudges her elbow into Gus' side. He leans on the counter nearest the stove with his book in hand.

“Yeah, it’s nice.” he says without looking away from his book. A small smile twitches at the sides of his mouth.

Lars opens the cupboard next to the fridge and takes out four plates and quickly hands them to Gus, who has to scramble to put his book down. “Well look who’s all hot and bothered, you're practically pink Lars!” Gus says with a grin as he takes the plates.

Lars hadn’t noticed how much his face had flushed. He grows even pinker at the comment, turning quickly to hide his face while he grabs the cups from the already open cupboard.

“Oh be nice to your brother, you big meany” Karin snaps a small towel on Gus’ arm. “Lars has a crush, let him live!” she sighs as she stirs the pasta on the stove.

Lars jumps a little when he hears the word ‘crush’. He shouldn't be shocked at the word, they've been together for almost 4 months now, but he still gets embarrassed when anyone but him and Driver talk about it.

Lars brings the cups out to the table quickly and sets them all in front of the chairs, making sure to put them in exactly the right spots near the plates Gus had set. He also adjusts the plates, taking extra time to make sure Drivers is perfect.

When he's finished, he sneaks a glance at Driver and Bianca, who are now dancing together. Drivers still sitting, as he gently wiggles Bianca's arms that are held out towards him, her tiny hands wrapped around Drivers palms.

He stares for a while before blinking hard and turning back into the kitchen to grab silverware.

“She gets along with him so well, doesn't she Lars?” Karin asks as she turns the stove off and turns to face him. Her hands rest behind her on the oven handle.

“She does,” Lars admits as the corners of his lips gently curve up, placing a small, shy smile on his face. He opens a drawer and pulls out enough forks for the four people.

“I'm happy for you Lars, he's really sweet” Karin admits as she walks over and hovers and arms behind his back, not touching, but simulating the feeling. Lars’ smile widens a little, pinching his eyes a little tighter. He nods his head as he steps further towards the counter.

He weaves around Karin's arm and brings the forks to the table. He sits down in his usual seat and stares down at the empty plate in front of him.

“Casey, Dinners ready, come eat!” Karin shouts from the kitchen, holding a bowl of peas and a plate of bread. Gus carries the large pot of pasta and sets it down in the middle of the table.

Lars snaps his head away from his staring match with the plate and stands up quickly. He rushes over to Driver and holds his hands out. Driver takes them without a word and uses the sturdy support to pull himself up.

He groans as his side aches from the exertion of standing up. Driver clutches his side as he breathes through the pain. Lars flutters his hands around him, unsure of how to help him. He knows where the pain is and what caused it, but there's not much he can do to fix it.

“You ok Casey?” Karin calls from the table where her and Gus sit.

“Mhm” he grunts as he leans his arm on Lars’ outstretched hand, the support helps him stand up taller. “Just my side” he says to the ground as he takes a step towards the table. He glances up at Lars, who understands the look immediately and lets his arm go. Lars turns around and bends down to pick up Bianca.

Their silent way of communicating built over the months they’ve lived together in the garage, two silent humans finding ways to speak without speaking. Small glances or taps along the shoulder, rhythms on the table with undiscussed meaning, always understood by the other.

Driver slowly stumbles to the table. He breathes harshly through his teeth as he sits in his seat next to Lars’. Still clutching his side. Lars swiftly follows, setting Bianca in her high chair at the head of the table between himself and Gus.

Karin watches Driver with concern as he takes a deep breath and releases his grip on his side and rests his hands on either side of his plate. Lars takes his seat next to Driver and places his hands in the same spots. Their hands an inch apart.

They both feel the need to close the gap and intertwine their fingers deep in their guts, yearning to be as close as possible, but neither act on it. The constact being far too intimate for the dinner table.

“Well, Lars, would you like to say grace tonight?” Karin asks, breaking the silence. She smooths out the napkin on her lap to ease the tension.

“Oh, sure,” Lars chirps. He brings his hands up, away from Drivers, and clasps them together above his plate. He begins a well rehearsed prayer, the same one he’s been saying since he was very little.

The two across the table close their eyes, Karin clasps her hands the same way Lars does, Gus folds his own against his chest. Both silently listen to Lars as he speaks.

Driver has never been religious, he still isn’t, he never went to church in LA, he only does now because Lars does.

He listens to Lars’ words attentively, hoping to find some deep meaning in the ramblings about god and finding peace. Lars isn’t exactly religious, he attends church because it’s been a part of his routine since before he could remember, long before Gus left.

Driver is the only one who knows that, being the only person Lars has felt safe telling.

Driver watches Bianca. Her chubby legs dangle out of the high chair, the tray still has remnants of her mashed beet dinner. She flaps her arms as she giggles quietly to herself. She looks at Driver and giggles again, somewhat louder, like she knows he’s listening.

He smiles back at her as the three others say amen and open their eyes. Gus immediately reaches for the large serving spoon in the pasta pot and serves himself a large portion. Karin serves herself some peas and a slice of bread before taking the spoon from Gus and serving herself pasta.

Once its drivers turn to serve himself, he takes a small portion, much smaller than Lars or Karin’s.

“Oh sweety, don't you want more than that? You need to get some meat on your bones before winter rolls around, or you'll freeze your butt off!” Karin jokes as she reaches over and puts another scoop of food on his plate.

Driver stares down at the now large pile of food. His stomach twists, he can feel the nausea reaching up to his throat and coating his mouth in a sickly taste. The edges of his vision go black and he hears a ringing in his ear.

Lars notices the panic setting in as Karin and Gus begin talking about Gus’ day at work. Under the table, he reaches over and taps the wood beneath Driver's hand three times, a slow rhythm setting in as he taps again.

Driver's eyes snap to look at his own hand, then look to Lars arm without moving his head, to stare at the red wool of his sweater sleeve. The subtle vibrations through the table bring him back to the present.

Lars gently leans closer to Driver, and without bringing attention to the two and away from the conversation, gently whispers in Driver's direction. “Eat what you can”

Lars doesn’t like how little Driver eats, he’s incredibly thin and spindly, Lars could see his ribs when they first met. But Lars understands how hard it is for him to eat. He knows how it feels to be forced to do anything outside of the norm.

Driver has a hard time eating anything at all, often forgetting to eat unless Lars does it with him. So Lars is happy when Driver eats, regardless of how much.
The two sit and eat in silence, listening to the conversation Karin and Gus have, laughing with them when Bianca screams and giggles, interrupting Gus’ long rant about his coworker.

 

They finish their meal, and Lars and Gus clean off the table while Karin and Driver bring Bianca up to the nursery. Driver has become crucial to Bianca's bedtime routine. Driver stands next to her crib, gently swaying as he stares down at the sleepy baby's face.

Karin gently sings a lullaby from the arm chair next to them. Bianca eventually falls asleep, her head resting against Driver's chest.

“Thank you, Casey, I really appreciate the help” Karin whispers as he gently places her down in her crib. He bends down slowly despite the searing pain in his abdomen.

He nods to her as they walk out of the nursery quietly. He closes the door behind him as slowly and silently as possible, doing whatever he can to keep her from waking.

Karin yawns a small “‘night Casey” before walking into her room and collapsing into hers and Gus’ large king size bed. The frilly green comforter billows and collapses around her.

Driver walks down the stairs and finds Gus at the sink, washing the dishes from dinner. He tries to sneak past, just wanting to be with Lars, but he can’t always get what he wants.

“You know, watching you with Bianca is really nice.” Gus states, still scrubbing the serving bowl in the sink.

Driver stops in the doorway to the kitchen, he puts his hands in his jacket pocket and leans against the frame. “She doesn't get along with anyone the way she does with you”.

Gus sets the dish down and rinses the soap off his hands. He turns around to look at Driver, standing in the doorway, face to the floor.

“I appreciate how good you are with her, and with Lars too” Gus rests against the counter, folding his arms over his chest.

Driver perks up at the mention of lars, still looking at the floor, but his face is visible now. His bright blue eyes wide open as he listens.

“He didn't have anyone for a while after Bianca, we didn’t know how to talk to him or help him. I mean, he was lonely, we could tell, we just… didn't know how to help. Then you came along”

Gus looks up at Driver, who is now looking directly at him, peering into his skull. Gus has never experienced eye contact like this. Drivers eyes are so bright they could light the whole room, staring deep into what feels like Gus’ soul.

“I don't know, you gave him someone to talk to, I guess. I know he’s weird about touch but he seems fine with you, it makes me happy to see.” Gus turns back around and picks up a plate and starts scrubbing. “He’ll always be my little brother, ya know?”

“Anyways, goodnight Casey.” Gus says in the general direction behind him. Driver pulls his shoulder off of the wall and turns to walk towards the door. He pauses before he can get to the coat rack.

“Good night Gus.”

He takes his coat and slips it on over his jacket, then a pair of large snow boots. It had been snowing since they got home, there was already an inch on the ground.

He opens the door and feels the cold wrap around his face, sending a violent shiver down his spine, the cold pooling at his feet.

What he wouldn't give to be wrapped in Lars’ warm arms, under the many blankets and quilts they keep on their bed. But first he has to do the hard part.

He steps out of the warm house and into the dark and cold night of Wisconsin. He knows what the winter here is like, he rolled into town right at the beginning, which made his healing process long and worse.

The wind gusts against his small body and threatens to blow him over right here. He wraps his arms around himself and walks as fast as he can across the driveway to the garage. He panics when he almost slips on the already ice covered driveway, but he manages to catch himself.

He stomps the last few steps at the door to get as much snow off his boots, before opening the door with a sigh. The warmth from inside bursts out through the opening and wraps him in a hug of heat.

He steps inside and kicks off the boots and hangs the large coat on the hanger next to the door.

“Hi Casey” Lars almost squeals with excitement from the couch at Driver finally coming back to their little garage. “How was Bianca?” he pats the spot on the couch next to him.

“She was good, took longer to fall asleep, I got her too excited before dinner” Driver shuffles over to the couch and slowly sits himself down with a groan, Lars’ hands support him the whole way down.

Driver wraps himself in the thick quilt that rests on the couch behind him. They sit with each other in silence for a few minutes before Driver looks at Lars' chin, his brows furrowing the tiniest bit.

Lars notices the glance, and lets out an inviting hum in response.

With the expressed permission, Driver slowly and gently, sets himself against Lars’ side, his head falling to rest on his shoulder. Lars gently shifts to the side, so now Driver is between his knees, with his head resting on Lars’ chest.

He wraps his arms around Driver's thin shoulders and rests his hands on his back. He begins gently rubbing circles across his protruding shoulder blades. His Casey is so thin, it makes him worry sometimes.

The embrace is so warm and comfortable, Driver can feel his throat start to burn and his eyes well up. He blinks the tears away harshly before burying his face into Lars' flannel.

Driver can't cry, he just can't. He doesn't want to worry Lars. He knows he's a lot to take care of. It makes him sick how he needs help every time he needs to stand or sit down. He hates how much he misses Lars when they're both at work.

He doesn't deserve to feel as loved as he does, he doesn't deserve a loving family like the Lindstroms, Bianca deserves better, Lars deserves better. He's a ticking time bomb that's going to go off at any moment, lashing out and hurting everyone he loves.

He doesn't want Lars to think he's a monster, but he doesn't want him to think he's weak either. This mask he hides behind to protect his loved ones keeps slipping, it keeps threatening to show Lars all the things that are wrong with him.

“Casey, are you ok? What's wrong?” The circles on his back slow down, but the pressure increases, making sure Driver knows that Lars is there.

Driver can feel the flannel under his face grow damp from his tears. Thank god Lars wears so many layers.

Lars watches as Driver's shoulders shake from the silent sobs he refuses to let out. Lars wishes he would just tell him what's wrong, he won’t judge, not ever. Nothing his driver thinks could ever be too much for him.

He knows the deepest uglies of Driver's life, what happened to him in LA, how he got his injury, all of what happened to him before, he knows the whole story. It hurts to know that the person he cares about most in the world went through something so terrible.

When Driver had told him what happened in LA, including what he did, how much blood was on his hands, and how disgusting he felt. Lars didn't change his demeanor at all, didn't change his mind about Driver. That was the first night they had held each other more than just their hands.

The first time Lars had ever felt a hug, someone wrapped in his arms, and it didn't burn. He held the scared animal that was Driver in his arms and didn’t see a stinger full of venom, but a scared little bug who needed protection, who did what he had to do to survive.

He never saw Driver as a threat, not once, not when he pulled into town soaked in blood, not when driver had snapped at him during a particularly bad panic attack, and not when he told him that he had taken someone's life.

Lars trusted Driver so much, he trusted him with every fiber of his being. Every cell in his body was calling towards Driver, another animal in human clothing, trying to fit in, in a world where neither understood what to do.

Lars looked down at the hunched figure in his arms, Drivers arms pinned underneath his chest, his hands gripping into the white jacket tight. His face pressed into the fabric of his shirt, his knees to his chest.

He watched as his whole body trembled as Lars moved his hands down further on his back, rubbing up and down every vertebrae in his spine. He held his Casey as he silently sobbed into his shirt, trying to be there for him, even though he had no clue what was running through his mind.

Lars waited until the heavy breathing and quiet sobs slowed, until Driver was calm in his arms, safe in his grasp.

“Can I ask what's wrong?” Lars asks as he moves one hand to tangle into Driver's hair, gently scratching at his scalp.

There's a moment of comfortable silence. Silence is always comfortable between them.

Driver turns his head to the side, resting his cheek against Lars’ chest, and takes a deep breath. He opens his mouth to speak, but a lump in his throat blocks any sound from coming out. The words disappear into his mind.

He squints his eyes, the same hard blink as Lars, one of his many mannerisms has in common with Lars, tangling in with the ones he's learned since living here.

“It’s ok, you don't have to talk, take as long as you need” Lars whispers, being as calming as he can. He's never felt the need to take care of someone as much as he does with Driver. With Bianca, she was her own person with her own life, she didn’t need to be taken care of.

But Driver is different, He’s nothing like Bianca, he’s scared and tired and small, he needs to be taken care of, protected. He needs to be wrapped in a big cozy blanket and told he’s loved until he falls peacefully asleep and never has to worry ever again.

Lars slowly rests the side of his head on the top of Driver's scalp, fully encapsulating Driver in his body, keeping him tethered to the ground.

Drivers never felt this warm in his life. It's not the bad warmth, the sweaty kind that makes him want to rip his skin off. But the cozy warmth, that makes him want to melt, makes him feel safe to let his mask slip and be comfortable as whatever creature he is.

He breathes deeply and lets himself melt into the embrace, all of his muscles unclenching, easing himself to fully relax in the arms of the one person in the world he can love like this.

Tears fall down his cheeks, he's crying, but not like he was before, the tears feel calm and real, they don't burn his eyes. He can breathe clearly for the first time in hours. He takes another deep breath, this time, focusing on the way Lars smells around him.

His nose filled with the smell of old pine and fabric softener, he must have been chopping wood while he and Karin were putting Bianca to bed.

Driver slowly unclasps his hands and snakes them around Lars' sides, digging them underneath his back and wrapping around the larger man.

Lars’ arms shiver at the feeling of his hands on his back. Never in a million years did he think he would ever get to feel like this, so comfortable holding someone, bare hands on him, his bare hands on the other's skin, tangled in his hair.

They breathe in sync, their chests rising and falling together with every inhale of the other's scent. Both basking in how comfortable the other's touch feels.

Driver grips at Lars' sweater as he clears his throat lightly.

“Im ok” he murmurs into his own shoulder. Closing his eyes to cut out the overwhelming light of the lamp next to the couch.

Lars rubs up and down Drivers back once in response, letting the words linger as they sit.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Lars asks as he gently nuzzles his cheek against Driver's hair, incredibly soft against his face. Driver had stopped putting gel in his hair after Lars said he liked the way it looked without it at some point.

“Hmm” driver hums sleepily against Lars, the vibration traveling straight to Lars’ brain and giving him goosebumps under his sweater.

“Gus was talking to me, an-” Driver starts to say, before Lars cuts him off abruptly.

“Did he say something mean?? He is always so mean to you, it makes me angry” Lars fumes. His grip around Drivers body getting tighter, surprising him. The pressure feels amazing against his body, like a heavy blanket wrapped around him, squeezing all his stress out.

“No, he didn’t say anything mean, he was really nice actually” driver starts after Lars gave him room to speak again. “He said he appreciated how close I am with Bianca, and how helpful I am with her.” Driver turns his face a little to dig it further into the tear soaked flannel underneath him.

“Oh, that is very nice of him,” Lars says as he tilts his head against Driver's hair. Taking another deep breath, Driver still smells like oil and car parts from work at the mechanic's in town.

“Yeah, he also said he’s thankful that I can… be there for you” Driver sniffles a little, tears threatening to well up again.

“What does he mean, ‘there for me’?” Lars’ brow furrows at the thought. He's not some lost puppy the way his Casey is, he’s a grown man. He doesn't need to be taken care of.

“I don't know. Maybe I'm someone you can relate too” Driver sniffles again, his eyes sting and his throat burns. He knows that's not what Gus meant. Gus meant someone for lars to look after, someone who can touch him.

“I can definitely relate to you, we're the same” Lars whispers into Driver's hair. Tears finally bubble over and pour down Drivers cheeks, the concept of Lars, the brightest star in the sky, the kindest man alive, comparing himself to Driver of all people.

“Were not the same” Driver pulls his hands away from Lars, leaving a cold feeling along Lars’ back where his arms were. He pulls his hands to his face and wipes away tears.

“Your sweet Lars, the sweetest ever, and im… im not” Driver admits as he tries to pull away from Lars.

Lars doesn't let him. He pulls his fingers out of Driver's hair and wraps his arms and legs around his body, trapping him against his chest completely. Before Driver can even react, Lars shifts so that he's sitting on his lap, wrapping himself completely around him.

“You are the sweetest Casey. You're the sweetest, nicest, funniest, kindest, coolest person I've ever met” Lars lists the words off into Driver's ear like they're demands. Hammering them into his brain as he rests his chin on Drivers shoulder.

A loud sob escapes Driver's mouth as he slams his forehead against Lars’ shoulder. He quickly grasps onto the back of Lars’ sweater and takes fistfuls of fabric, gripping so tight his knuckles turn white.

He's never been told anything like this.

Sometimes Shannon would tell him he did a good job on a repair and he would feel light and airy all day. Irene once called him handsome on one of their drives around the city and he thought about it for weeks. But this? This was like nothing he’d ever experienced.

He loudly cried into Lars’ shoulder, who was shocked by the reaction. The sobs that were escaping Driver's exhausted voice were loud, but his Casey could never be too much for Lars to handle.

Lars gently stroked along Driver's back, scratching across the skin patiently, waiting for him to calm down again. Lars had never seen him like this before. He always hid his emotions, except for when he was with Bianca.

He felt as Driver shook in his arms, gasping for air between sobs, trying so hard to stop crying, but it didn’t work. The praises and compliments echoing in his mind, bouncing off every surface and ringing loudly all over again.

“It’s ok to cry Casey, I think you're so brave” Lars says matter of factly into Driver's ear, trying to sooth him. The words only make Driver cry harder.

Lars panics, he doesn’t know what to do with someone crying so hard. Usually when Bianca cries like this, he passes her to Karin, or Driver. But Driver is a grown man, a grown man who is crying in his arms like a little baby.

He knows that whenever Driver holds Bianca and she’s crying, she calms down when he rocks her, and when he holds her head in his hand. Maybe that could work here.

Lars slowly snakes his hand up Drivers back and into his hair, he spreads his fingers and holds his scalp, pressing gently with the pads of his fingers and his palm. With the other hand, he slowly rubs his fingers against his spine.

He then starts rocking side to side, gently swaying the two of them back and forth. Breathing deeply against Drivers neck.

The sobs slowly start to wind down, Driver takes a deep breath and hiccups as tears continue to stream down his face.

Lars waits patiently for his Casey to calm all the way down before he gently squeezes his arms around Driver's back and shoulders. The pressure grounding him and stopping whatever thoughts were running a million miles per second in his head.

“It’s ok, you can cry as long as you need to.” Lars doesn’t stop swaying, setting a slow tempo as he rocks them both back and forth. Driver hiccups again, they sound painful in his chest.

“If you hold your breath for long enough, the hiccups should go away.” Lars rubs his hand through Driver's hair, gently scratching at his scalp.

Driver takes a big gulp of air and holds it against Lars’ chest. Distracting him from whatever he was feeling before.

Driver lets the air out with a large sigh. Lars giggles at how silly the situation is. He’s fully sitting in Drivers lap, wrapped around him like a koala, and Driver has the hiccups. He pulls his head back to look at Driver’s face.

He stares at his cheeks, rosy from crying so hard, his nose is stuffy and his bottom lip is trembling a little.

Driver stares down at the sweater Lars is wearing, trying not to look at Lars, who is studying his face with harsh focus.

“Your eyelashes are pretty” Lars admits, having never looked too long at them, usually avoiding eye contact. Driver looks up at Lars’ face, who promptly looks down, tilting his head all the way down and banging their foreheads together.

They both wince at the feeling. And then Driver laughs. It’s small, barely even a giggle, but he laughs. Lars did it, he calmed him down enough that he’s happy again.

Lars stares at the slight smile on Driver's face. His own lip starts to tremble. He wants to close the gap between them, he wants to be closer than he's ever been with Driver, closer than he's ever been with anyone.

“Casey” he asks

“Yeah?” he replies

“Can I kiss you?”

A pause.

“Yeah”

Lars ever so slowly, painfully slowly, brings his face towards Drivers. Both of their eyes slip closed as they make contact. Lips gently pressing together.

Lars’ entire body tenses, every muscle contracts in harmony as he melts into the tender touch of Drivers lips. The only other kiss he’s felt was Bianca’s, that kiss was full of guilt and sorrow, mourning his lover, this was something new, something so much prettier.

Sparks shoot through his veins as he tilts his head to get closer to Driver, to fill every gap of space between the two. He feels an explosion of emotion deep in his stomach as tears start to leak out of his own eyes.

Driver slowly ungrips his hands on Lars’ sweater and brings them up to rest on Lars’ jaw. Fingers rubbing the tears on his face away as he caresses his cheeks. Lars has never felt this much love in his life.

The two barely move, just simply existing in the solid contact, skin on skin as Lars cries. In his mind, he repeats over and over how much he loves Driver, how he's the star in his sky, how he's his everything.

And then he remembers that he's never said the words ‘I love you’ out loud to Driver.

He had praised him plenty of times, multiple times a day if he could. Telling him how good he is with cars, how nice he looks in Lars’ sweater, how good he is with Bianca, but never I love you.

He pulls away. His lips feel like tv static. He stares down at Drivers lips, red and shiny from the kiss.

“Casey, I… I um…” a tear rolls down his cheek. Driver moves his thumb to swipe it away. Lars leans his head into the touch and savors the feeling of Driver's hands wrapped around his face. He shuts his eyes tightly.

“I really um… I really want to say.. That I-I...” Lars stutters, this shouldn't be so hard to say. He feels it so deep in his chest, why can't he just say it.

Driver listens patiently, waiting for whatever Lars needs to say, giving him time to find the words.

“Take your time” he reassures him, swiping another tear off of his cheek. He gently scratches at the hair behind his ears.

“I… Casey, Iloveyou” Lars manages, it comes out slurred, but he said it, he really said it, he told Driver that he loves him. After a year of begging himself to say it, begging himself to not be such a wuz. He said it.

Driver tears up again, unsure where he’s keeping all these tears. He readjusts so he’s kneeling in front of Lars, sitting on his ankles. Lars mimics the action.

Lars grabs onto Driver's wrists, his heart aches as he waits for a reply. ‘I love you’ is a really important thing in a relationship, he doesn’t want to smother Driver.

Lars brows furrow as he watches Drivers lips, looking for any kind of movement, any kind of speech, anything.

Eventually, Drive takes a deep breath.

 

“Lars, I love you too” he whispers

 

Lars smiles, his smile stretches across his entire face, scrunching his eyes tight, tears fall faster from his eyes as he presses his face into the crook of Drivers neck and squeezes him tighter than he ever has.

Driver thunks his head back onto Lars’ shoulder and wraps his arms around his back and squeezes with him.

Driver feels Lars slowly start to sway again, the sensation sends a wave of relaxation through his body and he has to stifle a yawn. He refuses to ruin this moment with how stupid tired he is.

 

They sit for a while, a long long while, before the swaying slows, and Lars pulls away from the hug.

“You're getting sleepy, it’s time for bed” he says as he looks at Driver's chest, the white jacket still zipped up around him.

“Mmm, you're also sleepy” driver grumbles as he pulls his hands away from Lars. snaking them around his own stomach, he had been so focused on how amazing he felt, he didn’t notice how much pain he was in, practically squeezing down on his wound.

He groans as he presses a hand against the sensitive spot on his stomach, a pink patch of fabric sewn into his jacket under his hand.

“Is your stomach ok? Do you need some medicine?” Lars panics.

“I’m ok, some pain medicine would be good” he admits as he lightly hunches over, the pain searing into his side, it hurts more than normal, he needs to lay down.

Lars quickly stands up off the couch and hurries to the bathroom where they keep their extensive first aid kit, stocked with anything they might need. Lars worked on it for months to make sure he could take care of Driver, with how much they both hated the hospital.

Lars quickly returns to the large room and sees Driver hunched over, gripping his stomach and breathing through his teeth, his eyes shut tight.

“Casey Casey, breath, you need to stand up” Lars coos as he rests a hand against Driver's back.

Driver slowly straightens his back with a small whimper of pain. Lars sets the bottle of medicine down on the small coffee table and reaches out to help Driver stand.

Driver grips his hand tightly, putting more effort into not squeezing it too tight then standing up, making it even harder for himself.

 

After a moment of agonizing moving around and limping across the garage, Driver lays flat on the bed, his limbs spread out except for one arm clutching his stomach.

During the escapade across the room, lars had made sure Driver took the medicine, which is still not helping with the pain.

Lars fiddles with something in the kitchen, Driver can hear the microwave beep before Lars walks in with a hot water bottle to press against the healed wound. Lars always knows exactly what Driver needs, in any situation. That thought soothes his mind, and the pain a little.

He also carries a glass of water with him, even better.

Lars sets the glass on the nightstand next to the bed and gently places the water bottle against Driver's stomach. Driver promptly turns to his side and curls around the bottle.

“Thank you” he says as he reaches for the glass, and angles his head so as to not spill on the bed while he takes a sip.

“Of course” Lars responds as he walks to the dresser and opens a drawer. He scans the well organized clothes and pulls out a pair of yellow plaid pajama pants and grabs a large thermal shirt out of another drawer.

He hums at how well the colors match and brings them back over to the bed. He sets them down and glances at the sleepy man on the bed, who nods back. With the permission granted, Lars slowly and carefully, as to not make his side hurt more, slips the oil stained jeans off of Driver.

He takes them off fully and places them in a laundry hamper next to the dresser, then unfolds the pajama pants and even more gently than before, slips them onto the man. Appologizing when he makes him lift his hips, making him groan in pain.

He then motions for Driver to sit up, and as he tries, Lars slips a hand behind his back and pulls him up. He unzips the jacket and slowly peels it off of him. He walks across the room and lovingly drapes it over a chair at the little two person dining table.

He walks back to the shivering man, and quickly, but still gently, takes his thin tee shirt off, and slips on the thermal. Lars slides his hand down his shoulder and takes his hand in his. He lifts the hand up and presses a gentle kiss to the baindaid wrapped finger.

Driver flushes at the action. Lars had picked up a few ways to be a real gentleman when he had asked some of Margo’s friends how to flirt with girls, so he could flirt with Bianca. The woman, not the baby.

He lets go of Driver's hand and lowers him back onto the bed, he pulls the blankets out from under him and tucks him in into the thick layers. Driver still shivers under the covers, but he’ll warm up quickly, Lars thinks.

Lars had changed into his sleep clothes before Driver had come back to the garage. He crawls up into the bed and tucks himself under the covers next to Driver, who is now facing him on his side, hunched over the water bottle.

 

They both sleep in the same bed, they have since Lars convinced Driver that the futon was not a good place to sleep while recovering from an almost lethal stab to the gut. The thing is, after over 7 months of sleeping in the same bed, and even going on dates together, they had never cuddled at night.

Lars stares at the man in front of him, his eyes shut tight to block out the bright moonlight from the window. His hands grasp around the water bottle on his stomach and he very subtly groans around the pain every few minutes.

“Casey” Lars asks, without looking away, continuing to stare at his favorite person.

“Yeah?” Driver responds, opening his eyes slightly to look at Lars, who darts his eyes away from Driver's face and settles on his stomach.

“Would it be ok, if I held you?” he asks, his cheeks going pink at the words.

Driver thinks for a moment before lifting the water bottle away and setting it on the nightstand with the now empty glass.

“Yeah” he responds.

The corner of Lars' mouth curves up as he reaches out and wraps his arms around Driver, tugging him closer. He pulls Driver into his chest and wraps his arms around his shoulders and rests his hands on his back.

Driver snakes his hands under Lars’ arms and wraps them around his back, gently gripping at his sweater. Lars drapes a leg over Drivers, and driver wraps an ankle around one of Lars’.

They slowly experiment with how to hold each other as close as possible, finding new ways to dig closer, closing the gap between them. Driver settles his face in the cavity of Lars’ chest, where Lars’ body blocks all the painful light from his eyes.

Lars gently wraps himself all the way around Driver and squeezes tightly.

“I love you Casey” lars whispers into Driver's hair, inhaling the smell of gasoline that lingers in his hair.

“I love you Lars.” Driver mumbles as he gently drifts off into sleep, feeling completely safe and loved, wrapped up in his favorite person's arms.