Chapter Text
You shall not lie with a man as with a woman; it is an abomination. [Leviticus 18:22]
Langa was always considered a renowned christian; a true beacon of the congregation. The kind that people would use to scold their younger offspring with. The kind his peers should emulate, take example of. It was true, Langa was a devoted follower of the church — young, quiet and well respected among the faithful members of the community. He helped prepare sermons, looked over the youth during Sunday school and acted as an altar boy. Some were hopeful he might even end up being a man of god himself, a priest guiding the future generation to the path of god and his worship.
The elderly fawned especially over him.
"Such a remarkable young believer is a rare find nowadays," they would say.
Among his peers, however, the popularity seemed to falter with growing age. Tired of being compared to him, they slowly began to resent Langa for everything he was, and everything he stood for. Where others would be frowned upon and scolded for seeming disinterested in Church or rebellious, Langa would be praised by the community, be it for his dedication to snowboarding or his monotone, aloof behavior.
He was just hardworking and on the shyer side after all.
Many considered him to be handsome as well, with his mother‘s face, father‘s eyes and flowing dyed-blue hair, they admired him wherever he went — talking, whispering, commenting.
He was placed on a pedestal, high-up, praised by everyone. He was untouchable, and that‘s why his peers hated him.
By the age of 14, he was being avoided by everyone his age within the congregation, and since the town they lived in was quite small, the isolation quickly branched into his school life as well. Only the slopes would give him comfort now. His father had noticed how Langa was gradually keeping to himself over the years and to cheer him up, they would go snowboarding even more than before. He loved it, snowboarding with his father was the one thing that truly comforted him.
His parents and the slopes were his only support pillars that he had and cherished, but everything changed after his father’s death. At 16 his last pillars had eventually crumbled into dust.
All of laughter, the sound of crinkling snow, the rushes of adrenaline and his hope quieted down. They replaced themselves with the solemn stillness of the cold church. Langa didn't dare touch his snowboard again after the incident. All he could do was sit in one of the empty pews together with his Mother, who threw herself into the belief even more. He didn't understand how God could take his father away from him so soon, and yet, Langa tried to follow her actions. God had a plan after all…at least that's what everyone said to him. His father was gifted with eternal life and would watch over them. Langa had to trust in God. God would never leave his side. Langa tried so hard to believe it, and yet, he felt so incredibly alone.
Everyone only saw this glorified, facade-like version of him. The perfect young devout christian, the guiding light, or the arrogant know-it-all, the one who thought he was better than anyone else. Soon he believed that God was the only one who’d see the truth; a kid who just lost a parent, a kid with no friends, who’s been an outcast for years.
His mother always tried reassure him. They were just envious of him and his pure, untainted heart. "Envy is a sin my dear. Don‘t listen to them, just focus on God and believing instead. In the end they‘ll pay for their sins when their time comes," she‘d say.
Langa thought about the last phrase a lot.
Paying for one's sin.
Essentially a nicer way of saying "burning in hell". Part of Langa wanted to believe that it was the correct way of justice, he wanted to hate them. His hate would be justified in front of the eyes of god, or at least that‘s what his mother would say. The other part however, couldn‘t help but wonder if that kind of punishment wasn‘t a little too cruel for a person…
Langa grew quieter after everything that had happened, praying every single night that the Lord would make it all bearable somehow, sometime.
It was his only salvation.