Chapter Text
Her eyes were dazed as Coco lay awake. She knew that she needed sleep but there was a pain that never seemed to go away no matter how hard she tried to relieve it. Everything just was off. Her mattress was too hard. The darkness was too dark. There was a coldness when she moved that made her feet too cold to the point where she felt chilled. The thing was, Coco struggled to ask for anything. In her mind the kindness that she received was already much more than she deserved. She knew of her crimes, the world sought fit to remind her every time she closed her eyes. With the echoing of her memories, and the pain that bloomed every time she moved. When was it enough? When was the price she had paid enough?
There was a glow blossoming from her window. Before she knew it, her eyes were met with the morning sun. Again, the same routine would find her. Not a hint of sleep will find her this morning. There was a stiffness in her lower back, and a groan as she moved to sit up. Again, a familiar numbing pain bloomed from her hips. An after effect of an incident that happened when she was five. Sometimes, the morning was met with moments that left her paralyzed for a few moments. It unnerved her when she found her limbs were unable to move. They just didn’t… it only lasted a few moments before that same numbing pain started to crawl up her legs again. Then she could move. Yet, no one knew. Not even her mother.
Obviously, her mother knew about the incident. She was the one who found her prone on the steps after all. But the extent of the injuries to her lower back was never mentioned by the doctors in her village and since her mother was under so much stress after losing her father. Why would he trouble her further?
There was a knock on her door.
“Coco, breakfast is ready!” Came the voice of Agott. A small panic set in with the thought of her roommate potentially coming in. Then somewhere in her sleepless mind she remembered that she always locked the door. When she started to live at the Atelier, Coco was hyper fixated on making sure she caused as little trouble as possible. Trouble seemed to find her regardless and all she wanted was to find ways to cause less. That train of thought came after they were sent to the Maze in Kaln. A throbbing pain pulled her from that thought. Whether it be from the guilt or her back. She didn’t know. All she could remember was how painful the morning after was. It was the worst she’d felt in years! The usual numbing pain was sharp as an arrow and all she could think of was begging for the world to show her mercy, to allow her to hide it just a little longer.
“I’ll be down in a moment” she panted out. The throbbing pain caused her to lose her breath a moment as she forced her legs to move. The moment just before the feeling in her legs came back was the most painful. A feeling like electricity shot up her back and she moved to stand. Luckily she didn't have anything in her room to fall, she noted as she stumbled and hit her hand on the concrete wall in front of her. She had just arrived a few weeks ago and she never felt comfortable to ask for anything more after the incident.
Coco never heard a response so she figured that Agott was only there to relay the message, Nothing more. Her exhausted mind, it came as sweet relief for her. She didn't know if she could handle that today.
Slowly and carefully Coco managed to make it to her dresser. She often kept a small bowl of water there to wipe herself down on really bad days like today. It wouldn’t do to have the others question her today…Not today… please! She internally begged. Remembering a particular day when she forgot to wipe her sweat on a bad day. Her master was worried. It was another day where she was grateful for it being summer. The excuse being that her room was hot. That evening she gave her a bowl of ice cold water, and she had been using it since though the cooling spell was no longer active thanks to a fall of hers.
At some point in her thoughts she was finally dressed and ready to go down stairs.
Qifrey, had one thought when he saw his newest charge coming into the kitchen. ‘She looks haggard!’ The shock of seeing her like that caused him to drop his spoon on to his lap.
“Coco! What happened?! Didn’t you sleep well last night?” he couldn't help but ask. He watched as Coco, startled out of her thoughts. Admittedly he noticed a change in her since Kaln but thought that she was still adjusting to the newer situation. But this was different! He could see the dark circles under her eyes and the way her body trembled as she moved, like just walking was too much for her.
“Coco, did something happen?! Are you I’ll? You're shaking like a leaf!”
Just then he felt his heart sink as he watched her look at him with absolute fear.
His other girls watched the exchange and were also seemingly shocked by her appearance. ‘What was going on?!’ he thought.
“Uh… I… I’m fine” she replied, her voice trembling and shaking. After a moment of hesitation, Coco attempted to turn and run only to run into a hard surface.
“Oof!”
Qifrey, watched as olly came up the stairs inquiring about the commotion. He was about to try and comfort Coco before she attempted to bolt. Clearly, whatever was wrong with her scared her. Qifrey was torn between telling the others to leave so that it was just them, and running after her in order to coax her to open up to him. He was aware of the events that plagued her but thought that she would open up after a while. Clearly, it wasn’t time yet.
“Oi! Don’t run in the house, you’ll hurt yourself.” This clearly was the wrong set of words, because the frightened child flinched violently before running past him in a panic. “Oi, Coco-!”
“Olly, Let her be” Clearly this was not the time.
Olruggio turned to address him, but all he got was a head shake.
“I’m sorry, I didn't mean to scare her.”
Qifrey gently shook his head, placing the contents of Coco's food in a container for later, further encouraging the other children to finish and start their chores. “I know you didn’t Olly. I think there's something wrong and I think I might need to step in soon before she hurts herself.” He started quietly.
“Do you need anything from me?” Olrugio asked. Scratching his head before continuing. “I can easily put aside my work if needed. Just let me know sooner than later.
“Hmn” Qifrey responds. He always would.
It was a few days later when he realized that there was something seriously wrong.
It was early in the morning when he noticed a form in the observatory. Normally there was only a small patch of grass. This time however, there was a noticeable form in it. It looked like the grass had formed a mound in the middle of the night. As he crept closer to figure out what it was. He noticed that part of the grass was actually hair. It was Coco. But why she chose here of all places to sleep, was another story.
Obviously this wouldn't do, The observatory was wide open to air precisely for spell practise. If a fire spell got out of control for example, this space was there to prevent a massive fire from breaking out. Yet, here Coco was asleep. Unsure of how to address the situation, he approached her gently and started to shake her awake.
“Coco, darling. You shouldn't sleep here, it's not good for you. You could get sick.”
She moved slightly, then groaned in pain.
… What?!
“Master Qifrey” She groaned, seemingly in pain.
“What's wrong?! Why do you sound like you're in pain?” He asked as panic shot through him. When could she possibly have been injured?!
He watched as she seemed to struggle to turn herself over. Like, really struggling!
He noticed that no matter how hard she tried, her legs seemed unable to move! In his panic he gently moved to help her turn over but as he did, her hand shot out to stop him..
“No! Don’t! Please!” she cried but before he had time to process or stop his motions she let out a cry of pain and burst into tears.
Immediately a few things happened. The first was he dropped her leg in panic which served to cause more pain. The second was the sound of panicked footsteps, and the third was Coco who curled in on herself in pain.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry baby! I didn't mean to hurt you!” Qifrey cried in panic.
Clearly, whatever was wrong was serious.
“What's wrong!?” came the panicked voice of Olrugio. “Do we need to go to the hospital?! Why is she screaming?!”
“No! There is nothing they can do!” Came the whimpering cries of Coco.
That statement shot a cold chill through Qifrey. ‘What does she mean that they can’t do anything?!’
“Baby! Love! What do you mean they can’t help you? Please, tell me what's wrong so that I can! Please!” He implored, He hesitated to admit that the girls were his children, he couldn't afford to get complacent with his own chronic condition. But the thought of not being able to help his children when they were in agony killed him!
Olruggio stood off to the side on standby waiting for some instruction of what he needed to do. He was about to argue his suggestion for a hosptial before Qifrey threw up his hands in protest. ‘Not the time!’
If they were going to help her, they needed to listen and not respond irrationally.
Qifrey reached out his hand to grab her own. Hoping to coax a response.
“Coco…”
“It's my legs… I had an incident when I was five… I…” She hesitated to tell them the truth. Unsure if they would understand. They were kind but…
Coco felt a squeeze in her hand. She was sweating profusely from the pain that shot through her body. The usual pain was replaced with white hot pain. She whimpered.
“Coco, stop! Its okay! You don't have to explain right now! But right now I need you to breathe for me… I’m sorry, the explanation can come later. But i need you to breathe so that I can ask you, ‘What can I do now to ease the pain?’”
He worked her through deep breathing exercises he used for Agott when she had panic attacks. Deep, slow breaths. In and out.
She was panting, her voice was shaking. It took a while but the pain started to get a little better as they worked together to calm her breathing. Finally, she calmed down to voice what she needed.
“I… Need something soft, and cold” she breathed out. There really wasn't a way known to her that could help ease her chronic pain. What often helped what elevation and coolness.
“Olly…”
“Say less,” Olruggio said. Quickly moving to grab a cushion and a cold compress. Meanwhile, Qifrey moved around his child so that he could lay next to her, very gently spooning her and resting his arm under her head. The issue he ran into right now was he didn't know the extent of it. He tried to see if there were any clues to hint the extent of the paralysis but he would have to physically check. Though still, Unsure if she was unable to respond or not. He had to try!
“Coco, are you okay if I touch you?” He asked gently. After a moment of hesitancy. Coco said “Yes, but please don’t move me yet” she begged. To that he urgently assured her that he wouldn’t move her until she was ready. There was still a numbing pain in her legs and while it was better no matter what, she couldn't move yet.
“I understand… Are you calm enough now to answer a few questions?” he asked as he started playing with her hair to comfort her.
While he waited for her to respond, Olruggio came back with the items she requested.
“Here, I'll be perched here if you need anything else” luckily the earlier noise didn't seem to wake anyone else up but just in case Olruggio cast a sound barrier. Qifrey takes the items and asks Coco
“Where would you like this, sweetheart?”
With effort Coco points to her head, then responds. “I need the cloth here, and I can't use the cushion yet, so could you put it off to the side, please?”
“Absolutely” Qifrey rests the cushion off to the side but still within reach then places the cool cloth on her forehead. He then The continues to coax an explanation out of her, but before he could she begins though what she said broke his heart
“When I was five I was pushed down the stairs by some men. They didn’t like something that my mother said to them and as punishment, they hurt me. I was hospitalized for a while afterwards because of a concussion. However, the doctors deemed me to be fine to go home without checking for any other injuries. It wasn’t until a few days later when I would wake up to my first episode. In the mornings, my legs are often met with numb pain and I was unable to move.” At this moment, many odd behaviors had an explanation. The late mornings and dark circles… on top of everything else. It took everything in the man to not break down into tears. Other people did this to her. “Its hard to sleep because the beds are too hard and sometimes it causes me to completely lose my ability to use my legs” she whimpered out. The hands continued to sooth her as she silently cried.
“Why didn't you say anything before, Coco? You know we would have fixed that for you!” he couldn’t help but ask. He couldn't help it. His heart broke! He would do anything for his girls. A softer bed was but a simple thing!
“I didn’t want to bother you!” she cried.
“Coco! Please, darling! I'm begging you to come to us for help!” He cried, tears starting to fall from his face as he said this. He moved his hands around her as much as he dared, his face nuzzling the top of her head as he talked. “Seeing you unable to move and watching you scream in pain is scary for me! So please, if you are hurting. Please come to me! Yell for me if you need me, I promise you that I will be there. But I can't help you, if you stay silent!”
Olruggio moves to sit near her legs, to which Coco throws a weary glance his way.
“I promise, I’m just sitting Coco. I won't touch them.” He sits cross legged while watching on in concern. Then says “I agree with Qifrey. In fact, from now on that’s a rule. In no way, shape or form are you and the other girls allowed to hide when you are in pain in any way. I don't care if you have to drag us out of bed or scream bloody murder. I expect all of you to say something.”
Coco hesitated, then nodded her head.
After a few moments Qifrey asks “are you still in pain?”
It seemed to take a few moments before Coco tested her legs to see if they would move, they couldn’t. It was here that Both men noticed that her clothes were soaked through from ‘sweat’. Qifrey shot Olly a look. Without a word, olly gets up to retrieve an extra pair of clothes and a warm cloth.
“I’m not in pain, but it will be a while before I can feel anything at all.” As she said this she reached her hand down to test for feeling. Because of the sudden movement earlier, her legs were now completely numb. Though unable to feel anything, she still was apprehensive of what came after. Qifrey, noticing her weary movements, started to check himself.
“I need you to tell me when you are able to feel anything at all. I need to know the extent, if you are okay with it I'm going to softly touch your legs so I know for the future. I want to do my best to avoid hurting you from now on, okay?” he asked.
After a moment, Coco nodded her consent.
Taking a finger he reached down to the tops of her feet. “Tell me when you feel my fingers again.” He then traces his fingers up her legs until he reaches just above her hip where she finally nodded her head. That broke his heart! When she said that her entire lower half was this way, she meant it! This explained a few things.
After a few moments Olly finally comes back with a change of clothes and a warm rag. ( In no way, were they going to mention that due to her legs being paralyzed, she couldn't tell when she lost another function as well. For all she knew, it was sweat.).
“Coco, sweetheart. We need to get you out of your clothes, they’re soaked through. We have another just here. Would you be comfortable with either of us changing you? You would be more comfortable.” in any other circumstance they would prefer if one of the other girls helped her. However, it was late at night and this wasn't the time for embarrassment. Coco held on to Qifrey’s hand tighter, and looked at him nervously.
“Okay, sweetheart,” he responds.
“I’ll hang a blanket for privacy and will draw a sigil to have it stay up, while you two do that. In the meantime, how about I make a pot of warm sweetmilk?”
Olly watched as Coco's eyes lit up a little. ‘There she is’ He thought fondly as he walked away. Though in the back of his mind he was struggling with the fact that one of his girls had been injured this badly. He swore to himself that he would do anything to protect them all. Anything.
Meanwhile, Qifrey set about changing Coco and cleaning her... She was turned away from him so privacy was a little easier to manage. He decided to take a small look to see if there were any other signs of injury while he did so. The only thing that struck him as out of place was a small nob looking scar just above the base of her spine. He deduced that this was from another moment in her past. He then helped her sit up as best as she was able at the moment, being mindful of any possible pain. He went with her pace; slowly and gently. It was clear that sitting up was still a struggle and that they needed to work slowly in order for her to be comfortable. Then he proceeded to help her remove the nightgown and quickly replaced it with the clean one. After he was sure that her nightgown was secure, he situated himself so that Coco could lean back against him for support. He then threw the soiled clothes over the top of the blanket. Then wrapped his arms around her, cuddling her.. After a moment he heard Olly, pick the clothes up and put them somewhere where Coco wouldn't notice them. It was then when they heard Olly knocked gently against the stone wall, letting them know that he returned.
“Are you decent?”
“Yes” Coco answered, though Qifrey fastened his cloak around her just in case. Olly then removed the blanket and placed it over Qifrey’s cloak for added comfort, then handed Coco the Sweet milk. He then crawled in next to them and started to play with Coco's hair. It was late in the night. Normally, both adults would be sleeping at this time. Though it didn't matter at this moment. They don't mind losing sleep over their girls in the slightest.
“Coco, what else can we do for you.” Olly asked “Don’t hold anything back either, we want you comfortable here. You may not realize it yet but you are part of this home. It's yours, you shouldn't have to suffer like this. Whatever comes to mind, promise.”
“...” it took a moment for her to collect her thoughts. She simply didn't know how to ask for anything. After a moment of silence. Qifrey decided to play a game that he often played with Riche when she was unsure. It was simple, he simply gave suggestions based on what she gravitated to in the first place. He would open the conversation with an observation of their surroundings then, invite her to respond in kind with her thoughts. A gentle way of inviting opinions from shy children.
“You know?” He started quietly, as he started rocking her softly. He hoped it would soothe her.
“I noticed that this space is a bit… bright? I like that. Why do you like it?”
After a moment Coco responds “its bright, and comforting”
“I agree.” he responds before continuing. “ I also like that there you can feel the wind blowing softly here”
“Yeah, it's soothing. It puts my mind at ease.”
“I see, I also like that.” He glances at Olly and smiles as he could see the wheels turning, already coming up with a plan. He continues “I really like the grass here too.” he feels her nod.
“ I like how soft it is, it was the only thing I could think of at the moment”
“Hmn, I agree it's soft. I also like how enclosed this space can be.”
“I don’t. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe in enclosed spaces”
“Hmn” he hummed as he kissed the top of her head. Good! They’re getting somewhere. “What about the stones?”
“No, they’re hard and too cold. So when I fall, it hurts… They don’t light up.” he chuckles gently at that. They would have to fix that.
“I kind of like it when my bed is a little firmer and my pillow a bit cooler. What about you?”
“...I can’t, my legs and lower back really hurt on harder beds. I don't mind my pillow being cool, but my back won't tolerate a hard mattress.” Noted. There was a pause, then there was a proud smile that he shot at Olly when she continued. “I like heavier blankets, they help me feel safe and I really want to try a pillow that is cool to the touch but also with a snug stone, too.”
And just like that they had ideas. After a moment Qifrey decided to try her legs again.
“Coco, I’m going to test them again, you tell me if it's painful, okay?” there was some apprehension in her eyes, but she nodded anyway.
He again gently moved his finger up her leg. He was relieved when she nodded her head almost immediately. He then gently warned her “All right, I'm going to gently test the movement of your legs. You tell me if there is any pain. Olly, can you take my place as I do so?”
Olly nods and moves behind her gently pulling her towards himself.
“Hello, little bird. Relax against me.That's it!”
Olrougio could feel how nervous she was. He watched as Qifrey slowly and gently lifted her leg as Olly took a now empty cup from her. They both were watching her expression very carefully for any sign of pain. When they found none. A great relief washed over Qifrey as he carefully lifted the child up into a warm hug. Fitting her head into his shoulder.
“Alright Coco, Next time this sort of thing happens. Please. Don’t hide it. I want to help you! Rely on me, let me love you.”
“Okay” she whispered.
It was here that Qifrey was faced with a problem. He couldn’t put Coco back in her bed for fear of her legs reacting again. His own bed was on the firmer side, therefore no use.
“I think it would be best if she slept in mine for the evening” Olly piped in
“Ah! That's right, you also like softer beds!” Qifrey commented. He then raised an eyebrow, asked “switch?”
“I suppose, but I could also take her for the evening and let her sleep in. The other girls are gonna be up in a while.”
“True…what do you think, Coco?” he asked only to find her fast asleep against him. His heart went out to her, she must have been exhausted.
“I think I’ll stay with her. Would you be a dear and leave a note for the other girls to fix their own breakfast this morning?”
Olly nodded then suggested “Or I can whip something up real quick, then head to yours for the evening”
“Sure, if you would like,” he agreed.
“I don't mind. Now head to bed!”
With that Qifrey went up the stairs to Olrugios Atelier. Being mindful of the sleeping beauty in his arms. He went over to his partner's bed and placed the child in it. The “bed” was actually a suspended hammock that had one extra plush mattress in the middle. It was really soft. A bit too soft for Qifrey, but for his little one. It was everything. As he crawled in and removed his spectacles for the evening. He had a thought. Most of the time one's legs were parallel with the mattress. He wondered what elevating her legs would do. With careful consideration he decided that he would try. He took a smaller rectangular cushion and gently lifted her legs and put it underneath. Watching for any sign of discomfort.
If it didn't work, he hoped that she would forgive him in the morning. He just wanted to provide her some relief.
“Sleep well, coco. I promise we will make you comfortable”.
With that He closed his eyes to a restless sleep.
In the morning they would start on contriving a new more accessible room for coco.