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As the hellish week came to an end, many at Blackwell Academy breathed a sigh of relief. Those at the top of the food chain had fallen into oblivion. Victoria Chace, a living reminder of a bygone era, moved through the campus like an invisible presence. She preferred to stay in her room most of the time, only venturing out when necessary. Today was not that day.
No one openly opposed her, but she didn't inspire fear in anyone anymore. She didn't exist.
She was friends with a rapist and a murderer and was trying to gain the favor of a real maniac who planned to make her his next victim. Nothing in her life was right.
However, she didn't think she had the right to feel sorry for herself, not for all the pain she had caused others.
The real victim of her actions was in the hospital after a suicide attempt. Kate Marsh. Victoria hadn't drugged her or forced her to kissed, but she was the one who posted that video and showed it to everyone. Victoria was drunk with the opportunity to expose someone so bright and kind as to hide her own rottenness. No one is a saint, not even "Saint Kate Marsh."
With her own hands, Victoria brought Kate to the roof and gave her a push in the back. Until Max Caulfield showed up and saved the real angel from falling. The real "Hero of the day". No competition can overshadow such an act.
Victoria hated Max. She was so talented for no apparent reason. And what did she waste her gift on? On stupid selfies. There's nothing wrong with selfies, but they can't be called art.
Victoria hated Kate. At least, it seemed that way. The image of a bright girl who showed no vice was infuriating. Victoria couldn't look at her without wanting to shake her, hoping that this facade would fall away.
When the fateful video, which Victoria had filmed herself, spread across the internet, she felt triumph. Victory spread like a sweet taste throughout her body. Kate Marsh was human. Sinful, driven by base desires. Victoria had never seen anything more captivating in her life.
Now she realized what made her a greater monster. She reasoned exactly like Jefferson. A maniac drugged girls and killed them for a brief moment of lost innocence. Victoria captured the greatest fall in history. The only thing she regretted was that everything that happened was a series of violence, not a personal choice, and she raised the victim's guilt to the absolute.
Victoria Chase is the biggest coward at Blackwell Academy. She wrote a postcard to the girl she almost killed and delivered it through someone else. She was too afraid to look into her eyes and see the hatred there, the confirmation that Kate Marsh was broken. She was even more afraid not to see contempt there, because then would be completely convinced she didn't deserve to live.
A sharp knock on the door brought me out of my thoughts. She walked slowly to the door and opened it a little.
Behind it was Ray Wells.
— Miss Chase, do you have a minute?
Victoria was displeased by this intrusion, but she had no strength to argue.
— Of course.
— Fine. According to our dorm rules, roommates have the right to collect the belongings of those who don't live there for later shipment.
— I don't understand what you're getting at.
— Kate Marsh.
The name dropped like a rock on her shoulders.
— Why are you asking me about this? Not Caulfield?
— She's currently unavailable, and you're the only one who can do this; rules are rules.
Damn coward, remembering the rules when the Prescott family's money supply was cut off and no one would protect him.
— What's the urgency? Wait for Maxine.
Victoria started to close the door.
— Miss Caulfield has taken two weeks off due to last week's events. We need to vacate the room sooner. Please do it.
Victoria sighed in exasperation.
— Fine.
The director was clearly just waiting for her consent. He handed her the keys and, with a quick thanking, hurried away. Victoria clutched the cold metal in her palm. She decided to do it quickly, like ripping off a bandage from a barely healed wound.
She changed into more appropriate cleaning clothes and headed to the room.
Victoria froze in front of the door, still clutching the keys, as if they were the only thing that allowed her to feel reality.
However, the thought that someone would find her in front of the room made her finally put the key in the lock and turn it. Hesitantly opening the door, she began to look around. Everyone has the same dorm room, but Kate's room was especially bright and clean.
Her eyes were running away from the fact that she had no idea where to start.
The first thing that caught my eye was the closet. Victoria went up to him and opened it in one motion. There weren't many clothes, but each one had its owner's style. She folded modest sweatshirts and long skirts, trying not to think about who they belonged to. A week ago Victoria had mocked this very wardrobe the loudest, which she was now carefully stacking.
When she was done with her clothes, she headed towards the table, from which sheets of paper were sticking out here and there. The only place where there was chaos in the room.
Victoria opened the bottom drawer and took out a large red sketchbook. She knew that shouldn't open it, because it was obviously personal. However, curiosity took over.
The first page featured a rabbit with the caption "Alice 08/03/13." The rabbit is in soft pastel colors, as if from a children's book of fairy tales. Continuing to scroll through, Victoria was amazed at how bright and kind the drawings seemed. The back of the school, the view from the window of the photography lessons, the view from the entrance to the dormitory. Everything shone with sunlight through the paper.
After flipping through the album to the middle, Victoria froze.
She looked at the painting herself. The resemblance was striking, but something was different, almost imperceptible. Thanks to the photographer's keen gaze, Victoria noticed. She looked more relaxed, the corners of her lips turned up not in a sarcastic smirk, but in something like a smile. Overall, the image was much softer than the real one.
The caption read "Victoria Chase 12.09.13.".
Heart was pounding so loudly in chest and drowned out most of thoughts. Most, but not all. "Why did Kate Marsh draw Victoria of all people?" A question that sounded like a tocsin in time with the rhythm of her heart. After taking a couple of deep breaths and exhalations, Victoria calmed her growing panic a little and decided to continue browsing the album. The next page greeted her with the familiar calm landscape from the bench by the lighthouse. Victoria calmed down. Several more drawings were colorful depictions of the surrounding nature of Arcadia Bay.
The next page showed her again. All the calmness left Victoria completely. Side view of Jefferson's office.
The caption read "Victoria. 21.09.13.". Just a few days before that fateful party. Victoria never doubted her appearance, she knew that she was beautiful, only Kate's drawings caused her a whole new thrill. Not a single photo conveyed what Victoria looked like, nor her own pictures of anyone else.
Kate Marsh's drawing was like a sculpture, with the texture of a carved stone. A relaxed half-turn pose, a slightly raised head and a smile of complete triumph after another brilliant answer to a question. Light pencil marks pulled the images out of reality, making them look careless. Only Victoria didn't care about "carelessness," because she was watching real art with herself in the lead role. She didn't understand why Kate Marsh, of all people, drew her. Victoria realized that these were the only portraits, and they all depicted her.
Naturally, there was no answer to the rhetorical question. What did Kate see in her that could inspire? They hadn't spoken more than a couple of times before that ill-fated party. Victoria openly laughed at her for the "abstinence club", demonstrating in every possible way her attitude to such ideas. Everything that happened after the party can only be called bullying, but for some reason the paintings are still in the album, and not in paper shredders.
The next image knocked out the already weak ground under his feet. The image of Victoria on this sheet was different from all the light and soft colors of Kate's usual drawings. There were a lot of dark and hard lines, red shades framed the silhouette, but did not touch it.
He is like a bright light that has penetrated through dark clouds. Even so, the familiar image has undergone changes. His features were decorated with a grimace of malicious mockery and his face was tilted up, as if he was looking down on her.
Victoria did not remember this moment, but even though the date was in the corner of the sheet, she knew after what day it appeared. "Justice 02.10.13" was decorated with an inscription. Did Kate really perceive bullying and alienation as punishment for being on video from that party? It didn't make any sense. Kate couldn't control herself because of fucking Nathan's drugs. But no one wanted to try to figure out such an uncharacteristic behavior of a Catholic believer. The worst part was, Victoria didn't want it any more than the others.
She turned to the last page she had filled out, and nausea rose in her throat, threatening to burst out. Victoria barely restrained the urge and slowly began to breathe from 100 to 0.
After reaching 30, the breathing leveled off, and the trembling almost stopped. A few more approaches and Victoria was able to look at the whole picture.
The name "Liberation 04.10.13" reflected the horror of the composition.
It depicted Kate herself on the very roof, where one foot went over the ledge, and her arms were spread out in different directions, as if ready to fly. The scene looked so realistic that it caused a shudder. The only important difference is the absence of rain, which would make everything look much more dramatic. Once again, Victoria hates the thought of being grateful to the little hipster for being on the ill-fated roof.
Victoria didn't hear the door open, but she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. When the unknown approached, she shuddered.
A soft but displeased voice broke the silence.
— What are you doing here, Victoria?"
Kate Marsh, it was undeniably her.
Simple gray trousers and a matching hoodie looked extremely unusual, but the most striking thing was the loose blonde curls. They were much longer than Victoria had thought.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden movement. Victoria realized that she was holding Kate's still-open album in her hands. Reflexive, she closed it and hugged it to her chest. Kate was a little closer than she had been a few seconds ago, but she wasn't trying to take the album by force, at least not yet.
— You saw it.
A loud whisper sounded through his teeth. Not a question, but a statement of fact.
Kate's posture was tense, her head turned towards the window. Victoria looked at her profile, the sharp nose, the downturned corners of her eyes, under which dark circles remained, but became noticeably smaller, lips compressed into a thin line. The morning sun illuminated Kate's entire face, creating a bright shimmer in her hair. All Victoria wanted at the moment was to capture an unfamiliar but beautiful image. As that nasty bastard Jefferson used to say, "always take a picture," even though he was right about that. Victoria shook her head, dismissing the absurd thought. This is neither the time nor the place. Instead, she got up and walked over to Kate, still clutching the album in her hand.
— Yes, I saw it. You draw beautifully.
For the first time in her life, Victoria felt awkward when talking to someone. She felt that any word could destroy something in the girl that she had thrown into hell.
A small smile touched Kate's face, but she didn't turn around.
— Thanks.
However, her face quickly turned into a frown, she continued.
— You shouldn't have looked, it's... personal.
— If it's so personal, then why did you draw me, of all people?
Victoria put the album on a nearby table and crossed her arms defensively over her chest.
A slight shudder went through Kate's body, and only then did she turn around to look Victoria in the eye.
— No one was supposed to see it! Especially you!
Kate's voice became louder and tougher.
Victoria was trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together, but it was as if an important detail had slipped right out from under her nose. She couldn't think of anything else but to repeat the question.
— Why did you draw me, of all people, I…
There was a glint of tears in Kate's eyes, and she lowered her head.
Victoria faltered; again, something was happening to her for the first time, and again, Kate Marsh was the reason.
— You should leave.
Kate's voice became quiet and lifeless again. Victoria considered retreating; she was about to turn around and leave, to forget about those drawings and the girl who'd drawn them with such attention to detail, with such... love?
Victoria felt a rush of blood to her face with realization. Here it was, the last piece of the puzzle, falling into place. Any words that were about to burst from her lips froze. She wanted to know the truth, but she was afraid of it, because after this, there was no turning back.
Victoria settled on the only option that seemed logical in this matter.
— Kate, do you... like women?"
Indecision has become often evident in Victoria's words and actions, and even now her voice is trembling.
Kate's back trembled like a rabbit trapped in a corner, she hugged herself as if wanting to hide, disappear. She dug her nails into her hands with such force that there would undoubtedly be bloody footprints and whispered something quickly and nervously.
Victoria didn't know which part of the Bible Kate was mumbling so convulsively, but it was undoubtedly her.
Victoria slowly reached out her hand and put it on the girl's shaking shoulder.
— Kate?
She said it as softly as she could, not wanting to scare off. Kate turned her head sharply, her eyes were flushed, and a grimace of horror froze on her face.
— Please go away…
Kate was scared and on the verge of a panic attack. Victoria couldn't leave without answers, not after what she saw. She took Kate's hands and made eye contact. Even if she was against it, didn't say anything, just continued to breathe heavily and quickly.
— Repeat after me, inhale – exhale, inhale-exit.
Kate caught Victoria's breathing rhythm, and after 20 repetitions, her own began to return to normal. Victoria was in no hurry to let go of Kate's hands, instead using her thumbs to draw circles on her palms.
— Does it feel better?
Victoria smiled as kindly as she could in such a situation.
Kate nodded. Her gaze darted around the space, as if searching for something. She stopped wandering on their clasped hands. As if she'd been burned, Kate pulled hands away and pressed them to chest.
Victoria lowered her own hands, which remained suspended in the air.
— You're right, I shouldn't have looked at the album. And forget about that stupid question, I'm the last person who should ask something like that. You'll never forgive, and you'll be right, I don't deserve anything good from you. Maybe I should leave.
Victoria slumped her shoulders, ruining her own perfect posture under the weight of guilt. She made Kate feel bad again, as if her presence couldn't do anything good. She really need to leave and try never to get close to Kate Marsh. She had already touched it and turned it into something broken that would never be the same.
Victoria turned to the door and didn`t have time to take even a couple of steps, as she felt a strong touch on her forearm. Victoria looked back and saw Kate squeezing her hand tightly.
— Of course, I never forgive you.
Kate began to speak, breaking the silence that had formed.
— It couldn't be otherwise it is impossible to forgive the monster that tormented you so much.
Victoria interrupted, smiling sadly, and tried to free her hand from the tight grip. Kate squeezed even harder, drawing attention.
— Victoria, let me finish, please.
Victoria nodded and stopped trying to free herself.
— It is impossible to forgive someone who has not asked for forgiveness. You repented, wrote kind words, but never asked for forgiveness, so tell me, how could I do it?
Victoria was gripped by cold horror. She realized that Kate was right. She talked so much, but she didn't say anything. The guilt threatened to overwhelm her, but Victoria decided to do the right thing, at least once. She turned fully to face Kate, forcing her to loosen her grip, releasing her.
— I'm afraid my life won't be enough to earn your forgiveness. I hope it's not too late.
Victoria stopped and did something unexpected, even for herself. She slowly knelt down and raised her head, meeting the confused gaze of brown eyes.
— Kate Marsh, can you forgive me for all the pain that I have caused you completely undeservedly? I'll do anything to earn your forgiveness.
Victoria lowered her head, waiting for what Kate would say. Would she laugh at a pathetic attempt? Would she be angry? Guessing in silence was the worst part, but it was the least she deserved.
Suddenly, she felt a hand on cheek. A warm palm gently held her face, lifting her up.
— A sincere apology is enough, Victoria, you don't need to deserve my forgiveness, as soon as the words came out, and it was already yours. Whether you will forgive yourself is a completely different question.
Victoria fought back tears. To be forgiven for the most terrible thing in her life, she was afraid to dream about it. However, Kate was right, forgiving yourself would not be so easy.
When the first wave of emotion passed, Victoria noticed that Kate's hand was still resting on her cheek. Soft, but with calluses in the area of the index finger. The artist's hand. Victoria didn't realize how she was clinging to her, turning her head slightly towards her, nuzzling her nose. A feeling of incredible calm spread throughout her body as she clung to the palm of the woman she was kneeling in front of.
From her position, Victoria glanced at the still towering Kate.
The gentle benevolence was replaced by something much stronger. The pose went from relaxed to tense. The brown eyes were fixed on her face and sparkled with a strange luster. The glint was familiar. Too often I've seen the fire of desire in all the men and women who happened to be around to confuse it with something else. Only if the usual glances were full of undisguised passion, then Kate's eyes were like fiery sparks merging into one bonfire of thirst.
From her new position, Victoria glanced at the still towering Kate. The gentle benevolence was replaced by something much stronger. The pose went from relaxed to tense. The brown eyes were fixed on her face and sparkled with a strange luster. The glint was familiar. Too often I've seen the fire of desire in all the men and women who happened to be around to confuse it with something else. Only if the usual glances were full of undisguised passion, then Kate's eyes were like fiery sparks merging into one bonfire of thirst.
The rest of his face remained impenetrable. After a couple of seconds, Victoria felt a light stroking. Kate's thumb gently passed from bottom to top dangerously close to the corner of her lips, lightly brushing.
Forest fires are spreading rapidly, but the way the fire in other people's eyes spread to every cell of Victoria's body had an unimaginable speed. Someone else's thirst became her own. She didn't know what exactly she wanted, the kaleidoscope of sensations was mixed up, not presenting the full picture. Clinging to the weight of the touch, what little was left.
Victoria closed eyes and all her retarded senses became acute, so when the other woman's hand slowly moved from cheek to the back of her head and buried itself in her short hair, she saw sparks in front of her. Victoria abruptly raised head, involuntarily breaking contact with her fingers, which were tangled in curls. An unfamiliar sense of loss prickled like tiny needles under her skin. She was still on knees, but more and more out of reach from the touch of a hand.
She put her hand to her mouth and breathed deeply. Inhale-exhale, inhale-exhale. The familiar sequence, in an attempt to calm down, was failing. She thoughts were racing, but only one screamed the loudest. What she felt from her touch was arousal, so acute that it took her breath away.
Victoria had no illusions about her sexuality. Wanting men and loving women was like breathing, just as natural.
Bright Rachel, who broke the heart of half of the academy, but did not manage to get to the second one.
Silly hipster Maxine with a talent that she was so afraid to show, but which caught on with wild energy through the pictures. They were burning, and Victoria longed to burn with them, to be in the bright flame of their personalities. Always in the shadows, always catching up.
If she could touch an idol, could she become one for a moment? She didn't.
Rachel has been lying in a bag for months, like trash in the hated Arcadia.
Max can't come to his senses after Jefferson's bunker.
Everything she wanted so badly was destroyed beyond her will. And at the moment, her greatest regret, her brightest destruction, with gentle touches, gently kindled a flame on a pile of ashes.
Victoria continued to breathe heavily, without the intense panic that had gripped her earlier, but quite intensely.
Out of the corner of eyes, she caught movement in front. The sound of a human body touching the floor brought out of trance.
The hand, whose softness she had already missed, reached out to her face again. A light touch along the cheekbone line. Warm fingers tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, leaving behind a slight tingling sensation.
Victoria didn't dare close her eyes, hoping to keep what little peace she still had. She looked at the woman who was sitting in front of her, on knees, with hands at sides. His face was no longer stern or pained. Still tired, but shining with an unknown luster.
Kate looked peaceful, for God knows why. Victoria once again wished she could have taken the picture. All that remained was to capture this moment in her fragmented mind. She didn't know what to do, what to say, or if she should even try to ruin the moment. His thoughts were interrupted by the voice of Kate Marsh.
— To answer your question, my answer is "yes".
Kate lowered head in embarrassment, fumbling with her fingers.
Victoria tilted her head to the side in obvious disbelief. What is the issue in question? A couple of seconds to scroll through everything she said, and she is struck by the realization of exactly which questions remained unanswered and the answer to which Kate spoke so embarrassingly. Victoria thought about the next step. Her first impulse was to take the woman by the hand and say a few supportive words, but she restrained herself. Touching Kate Marsh was forbidden, especially for her.
A slight smile, almost real, appeared on his face.
— You didn't have to answer, but thanks, it's nice to know that someone looks like me besides hipster Max.
Kate looked worried.
— Max? Why are you talking about Max? Does she... like women?
The last two words were almost inaudible, but they were able to make them out due to the close distance.
— Sure, didn't you notice the huge blue puppy next to her?
— Chloe?
— Yes, yes, Price, that's the one. They're clearly one of those nauseating couples in love, how could you not notice?
A shadow flashed across Kate's face and Victoria wanted to bang head against the wall. Of course, she didn't notice anything around her, all thanks to the bullying because of the video, she couldn't even raise head so as not to face ridicule. The guilt was coming in a new wave.
Apologies were not important, she was not able to atone for all her many sins to herself.
Victoria felt the old panic return and rose with a sudden movement. Her legs burned with the desire to run as far away as possible, to hide from everyone, from Kate Marsh and from herself, but the latter was impossible.
Something grabbed her wrist. A repeat of the last scene, someone else's hand again prevented escape. The grip was not as strong as before, Kate stretched out from her position and was barely able to catch the fleeing woman.
— Tell me, do you plan to run away after every bad word?
— No, I'm not…
Victoria couldn't lie, but the truth stuck in her throat.
— I don`t know.
The closest thing to the truth that could come out of her mouth. The grip on his arm loosened, and eventually completely left.
Kate was massaging her right hand, clearly not calculating Victoria's escape velocity.
— Then I should tie you to the foot of the bed so that the conversation lasts longer than a couple of minutes, don't you think?
Kate grinned, amused by her own joke.
Victoria froze. The laughter of another woman tried to force out all the indecent scenes that flashed through her head, but in many ways it rather hindered and added new piquant shades to her imagination.
Her thoughts ranged from innocent ones, where her ankle was shackled to the bed and she couldn't escape more than a few meters, to ones where her hands were tied with a knotted rope behind her back, a strong hand, holding the woven threads, pulled her toward itself, pressing hot skin against her shoulder blades, and a soft, deep laugh ruffled the short hairs on the back of her neck.
Victoria shook her head violently, trying to banish the last picture.
She felt the color spreading across her face and her eyes darted in search of a purpose, just not to look in the direction of the woman the floor.
She didn't notice how Kate got to her feet and was too close. Despite the height difference, she managed to put head on Victoria's shoulder.
— If you want something, you can't get it unless you ask for it, we've already figured it out, haven't we?
A whisper near a sensitive ear sounded louder than a bell. Could Kate Marsh really read minds? Because it was impossible to perceive her words as anything other than flirting, especially since a hint of Victoria's secret desires was evident in every sentence. She turned towards the shoulder, where someone else's head continued to rest. Their faces were even closer than before. Victoria closed her eyes and the scent of another woman captured all her senses in a wave. She wanted nothing more at that moment than to lose herself. She didn't notice approach until her nose touched the other..
Earlier, the first reaction was to run away, but this time, the whole body froze treacherously. Victoria felt heart beating faster and faster, as her head on her shoulder rose higher and fell lower, but she maintained close contact. Face to face, nose to nose, eye to eye.
Victoria was afraid that the only force that completely replaced fear was gravity, which was desperately trying to lower her own face so low that the two universes would inevitably collide.
Brown eyes, warm skin, and a mild scent mixed with hospital medications, other than that, nothing mattered. The length of her neck did not allow her to approach another couple of centimeters to snuggle up to the inviting lips of another woman.
Victoria shuddered and felt a new wave of horror, not the first one they had met, but more devastating.
The thought of kissing Kate Marsh pierced her whole being. She pulled back, letting the head on her shoulder slide off.
This time, Victoria was determined to escape not only from the room, but also from the dormitory or the city or the country, so that she would never encounter the alluring sparkle of brown eyes that she had no right to desire.
—I have to go, I'm sorry to bother you.
The last thing Victoria saw as she ran away was a calm gaze directed directly at her. Behind the layer of quiet surface, flames danced faintly, full of the passion of life. Victoria knew that she was in the epicenter of a forest fire and that it would soon engulf her complete.