Chapter Text
Those eyes. Those red ruby eyes. Even covered by my shadow, I can still tell that they are… wickedly beautiful. Lately, Kris has been acting differently. Differently to the point that it’s almost like they’re being… controlled.
But that’s impossible. No, Kris CHANGED. And with them, so did I. I don’t care if I’m better or worse now; I’m different. I’m still Noelle Holiday, but I’m a different Noelle Holiday.
The water is… colder than I thought. It felt nice at first, near the shore. Maybe that’s just the world’s way of trying to make me turn back.
P R O C E E D
But that voice… Kris’s voice… unwavering with that… determination… it darkens my soul just right. Is it even Kris’s voice anymore? Sometimes, I swear I can hear them speak… without them moving their mouth.
But that’s nonsense, right? Kris hasn’t changed that much.
But looking at their face again, their red eyes unfocused, as if they were looking from a different perspective, their hands loose in mine as I grip theirs tightly… it wouldn’t be that crazy.
The water was up to my chest now. Even though I knew they wouldn’t stop, I had to say it.
“Kris… don’t let go of my hands. Just keep walking,” I say quietly, barely over the sounds of the wind and the erratic beating of my heart. I step backward more, feeling the sand and mud beneath her hooves shifting with every step deeper into the colder yet colder water.
“Kris… just keep walking.”
They would, even without my words. Their eyes were on mine, even though they weren’t seeing my face. Not from the shadow. I couldn’t explain it. Ever since a few days ago, they’ve been… weird. And it all started in that dream. No, that wasn’t a dream. Dreams don’t… dreams don’t last that long in my head.
And neither does the thorn in my finger.
The water was up to my neck now, my hair now floating in the water around me. I mutter Kris’s name, but whether or not they can hear me is something I don’t think about.
But knowing my Kris, the one who’s leading me into the water… no, well, I’m leaving them… but they’re… their voice is… guiding me. Leading me. Controlling me. I could stop, but… I don’t want to.
Why the hell would I?
The water was up to my chin, and as I stepped back more and more, I had to start turning my head upward to keep my breath. Kris did too.
P R O C E E D
But again, I stepped back, and before long, my mouth was underwater.
P R O C E E D
Now my head. I could feel something shifting within me, a rising fear and desperation as I held my breath. Kris’s hands in mine, I could feel them begin to shake. No, they can’t give up now. They can’t! We’re close! TOO CLOSE!
Kris, you can still hear me, can’t you!?
They can read my thoughts. They did it back in my room, back when they gave me the tool to become stronger. To become theirs to mold into the strongest version of myself.
But as I kept forcing myself backward, my antlers finally disappearing beneath the surface as well, my lungs began to burn. Kris was shaking harder, their hands finally gripping mine. I forced my eyes open, the murky water stinging them, but through the dark water, I could see Kris’s shadowed face, wide eyes locked on mine.
Kris… keep… walking…
My mind was racing, adrenaline flooding my body like a drug, making my heart pound against my ribcage. The burn in my lungs was growing to a pounding ache that spread through every bone in my body.
The voice was even coming faster, more desperately. Every PROCEED, every step backward, increased in its speed and haste. My hooves would sometimes slip in the mud, but I wouldn’t fall.
K… Kris…!
Kris’s hands were beginning to dig into mine, their fingers curling into my palm. Something even within my chest began to shudder, as if it were being beaten, torn, or shattered. My lung’s burning pain was everywhere now.
The corners of my vision were beginning to pulse red rather than with darkness. The lake was dark, even though we were just a few feet beneath the surface. That didn’t quite make sense, did it?
Nothing did anymore.
KRIS!!!
Their fingers were beginning to claw into my skin, their red eyes, visible through the darkness, quivering in their skull. I met their gaze, my own eyes threatening to roll back into my skull.
But with each command, each PROCEED, I felt the power to step back just a little more. But even with the increased speed, I could feel myself begin to slip. More, they had to say it MORE!
If not, I… we would drown. We would die! And I just realized just how much…
…I don’t want to die.
SAY IT!!!!!!
My hooves weren’t even touching the bottom of the lake anymore, swinging freely in open, black water. The red around my vision pulsed more intensely, and Kris’s hands began to leave mine. I felt my grip weaken, but not before I grabbed on intensely.
Each determined urge, each will, each PROCEED began to blur into a constant stream of noise in my head, ringing like a bell, buzzing like the largest bee in the world.
KRIS!!!!!!!!!!
I couldn’t see Kris’s eyes. I had lost their hands. I flailed slightly, reaching for them in the endless darkness, but I couldn’t find them. My chest lurched, air bubbles leaving me and making their way to the surface. I reached after them, my body beginning to turn, to sink, to descend into the darkness.
But I realized the voice was still there, growing ever louder, ever more desperate.
And when I turned my head to the left, I saw… it. There was white amidst the darkness, and something moving at a blurring pace. I couldn’t make it out, but all I could see what that it was moving really fast back and forth, to the point it looked like a singular pulsing line.
I reached for it. It wouldn’t reach back. The command became a deep, powerful ringing in my ears.
This… would be where I die, wouldn’t it? Following some foolish dream to become different, to become free. To become someone who wasn’t Noelle while staying Noelle holiday.
Stupid… I’m just like my sister.
Oh… Dess… what would you do if you saw me now? Drowning in a lake while trying to “escape”?
My head fell back, my hair waving all around in the darkness. I began to shut my eyes, and within my chest, I felt something begin to crack. I remember learning about it. My… soul?
I never thought it was real. No one ever saw their own soul, and yet there were diagrams and symbols of it everywhere. Cute, tiny little upside-down hearts.
Hearts… like… Kris’s? I saw it once. In my room. I dismissed it as a fly, but only because I was too focused on them.
But it was a heart, large, red, and… upright. But weren’t monster souls supposed to be white? Kris… isn’t a monster, obviously. But… no one had ever talked about human souls, so I just thought… they didn’t have any.
…and… how was I still thinking? I could’ve sworn I was seconds away from… dying.
I opened my eyes, and all I saw was darkness. But when I opened my mouth… I took a deep breath. My entire body went into it, sucking in air until my lungs couldn’t take any more. Then, I turned and coughed, my water-soaked fur clinging horribly to my skin, my clothes soggy and sagging.
And that’s when I realized I wasn’t in water, or even floating in a void. As I sat up, my lungs burning with each quick breath, I felt something soft beneath my hands. They felt almost like… flowers. And as my eyes adjusted, I realized it wasn’t completely dark. All around me, though extremely dark and hard to see, I saw the walls of a…
Cave? I looked up again, and above me, I saw a round, jagged opening. High up, near the very top, I saw tiny specks through the opening. Stars.
Wasn’t I in a lake? Scratch that, wasn’t it…
…sunset?
I quickly scrambled onto my hooves, nearly falling back down. However, as I stood for a few seconds longer, my legs shook violently before I fell onto my knees with a ragged gasp.
I felt… horrible, like I was on the verge of falling apart into a million pieces. Maybe all I needed was a quick… nap…
But as my eyes began to flutter shut, I immediately perked up, shaking my head.
“N-Noelle… no,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper as I raise my hands and slap them against my cheeks. “When in grave danger, the last thing you want to do is… fall asleep.”
Again, I stood, and though my legs shook like a leaf, I remained standing. The cave I was in seemed to lead forward to some sort of passage. So I moved, well… hobbled.
I could barely see an inch in front of my face. I could see my muzzle more than I could see anything else. Gingerly, I extended my hands, feeling the wall to the right of the passage I entered, and I leaned against it, using it as support to continue forward.
My ragged breaths filled the area almost like the boom of an explosion. It was the only sound. The sound of my body desperately living. Trying to live, I should say.
But as I walked, I could make out… light! I saw light! It was to my left, and through the crack of a…
Door.
The door was large, vast, horribly immense. Well, not that much, but it was one of the largest doors I’ve ever seen in person. Doors meant civilization, and civilization meant help.
And help meant… possibly seeing Susie, Kris, and my mom again. And that would mean… I would have to run away.
How could I face any of them? Susie, I abandoned for Kris. Kris, I nearly led us both to our certain deaths. And Mom, I just…
I can’t. Not with her.
And speaking of Kris…
“K… Kris…!” I turned back down the passage and called out. My voice echoed slightly. “Kris…! Please, say something!”
We were both in that lake, but only I woke up on the flowers! Is Kris… are they still in the lake? Are they okay? Are they…
No. No, Noelle, don’t think about it. Kris is… they’re strong. Strong enough to break the system. I’m sure they… found a way. Somehow.
Turning back to the door, I walked back up to it. The door was only slightly open, the right side of it partially pushed inward. With a grunt, I pressed my shoulder against it, and with a deep groan, it pushed inward.
As it opened, I nearly stumbled as it gained momentum, but I remained upright. Then I looked up. There seemed to be a beam of some sort of light shining directly down onto a patch of grass.
I hesitantly step forward, hugging myself. I was beginning to shake. A combination of wet clothes, wet fur, and cool cave air was finally starting to catch up. I was freezing.
Stepping into the shaft of light, I looked up. There was a crack in the ceiling of this much larger chamber, but… the light had no warmth for me. It seemed to be light only.
Up ahead, there was a large archway made of purple stone, and through it, more light. I began to walk, and just for a second, I wished I could move a little faster. Moving like a lame deer crawling to safety just… didn’t feel right.
And through the archway I went. I was met with the dilapidated ruins of what seemed like it used to be an underground city. The stone was purple, and in front of me were twin sets of stairs leading to a single door. Beneath it were red leaves.
I staggered forward, and as I walked, my vision blurred. My hooves stumbled erratically across the weathered stone, my body feeling heavier and heavier by the second. I could feel something deep within my chest beginning to shake.
Just… a little… more. I could make it. Through that door… is safety. I know it. But with a pathetic whimper, I collapsed to my knees. I raised my arm toward the darkness of the door, hoping, praying that someone would come through it.
And as I fell onto my stomach, I saw a glimpse of someone coming through, raising their hands to their face. But I didn’t get to see much else as the soul in my chest seemed to finally give up.
SNAP
…
…
…
FWISH
My ears twitched as the sound of something light caught my attention. If I were still young, I would’ve said it was magic, but now…
My eyes opened slowly, meeting a soft beige color rather than the purple of the ruins I was in just earlier. My chest felt heavy, my limbs even heavier. Slowly, I turned my head to the right, and there I saw…
I blinked. Toriel blinked back at me. Then, she stood and smiled, clasping her hands together.
“Oh, thank goodness! You’re alright!” She said melodically, standing from the chair she had pulled. I was apparently in a bed, in a darkened bedroom filled with old toys. “I was so worried I was too late! But considering you didn’t… you know… I just… hoped that my healing magic would work.”
I blinked at Toriel again. She smiled more sincerely down at me, tilting her head slightly.
“Though, it’s a bit odd for a well-dressed, wet monster such as yourself to come from the entrance of the Ruins,” she said with a thoughtful expression. “Usually, monsters come from the exit of the Ruins. Actually, usually, monsters don’t come at all.”
I blink at Toriel one last time. She seemed to realize that she missed something.
“Or, right! Where are my manners?” She lowered her hands to her sides. “I’m Toriel, the caretaker of-”
“I… know who you are,” I said quietly, meeting Toriel’s face. I felt my eyes water at seeing a familiar face. One reason was that she was the nicest monster I knew, and another was because… “You’re… Kris’s mom.”
It seemed to be Toriel’s turn to blink again. After a few seconds, she smiled and shook her head. “No, you must be mistaken.” She placed a hand over her chest. “I have no child named Kris. My name is Toriel, and I’m the caretaker of the Ruins. My children are… far gone.”
I stared at Toriel for what felt like an eternity. No, that’s impossible! Kris’s mom is… Kris’s mom! It had been like that from the very beginning, ever since I had first been introduced to them all those years ago! To say that she wasn’t the mother of Kris…
I shake my head, closing my eyes. “No… no, that doesn’t make any sense,” I say, sitting up in the bed. I wince slightly, but Toriel was there quickly enough to ease me up. “You’re… you’re Kris’s mom. It’s been that way for… for 16 years. Them and… and Asriel.”
Toriel’s eyes widened, and she covered her mouth. Then, she turned away, lowering her head. “Dear, I…” she shook her head. “I’m not the mother to a monster named Kris. I-”
“But… Kris is a human.”
She froze instantly, and when she turned over her shoulder, she was staring at me with wide eyes. “You… I… that’s… not possible. All of the humans I’ve cared for- none of them were named Kris. Not a single one even seemed to be above the age of 8.”
“But that’s impossible!” My own raised voice surprised me, even as tears rimmed my eyes again. “Saying that you don’t have a child that you’ve raised since infancy!? What kind of bullshit is that!? You cared for them! You loved them! I… You-” I wanted to yell some more, but each breath began to hurt again. I raised both of my hands up to my chest, squeezing tightly over the center.
Toriel stepped forward, raising a hand, but she backed off. Her hand fell back to her side, and she sighed. “Perhaps in a different world, with a different Toriel, that may be true…” she said quietly. “But I am… the caretaker of the Ruins. I have no child named Kris.”
“And please.” When she looked back up, her eyes were wet with growing tears. “Don’t mention Asriel’s name.”
I wanted to speak again, but I bit my tongue to the point it almost bled. Then, taking a deep breath, I nod. “Yes, ma’am,” I said bitterly. I don’t know what this feeling is inside me, this… anger. Why am I angry? No, I know why, but I… also don’t.
After a silent few seconds, Toriel cleared her throat and smiled again. “So… may I get your name as well?”
“I’m… Noelle. Noelle Holiday,” I said, looking away. My eyes instead roamed the bedroom. Nearly everything was covered in dust, all except the bed she was in, which looked hastily swept with large, fluffy hands. “Just… your normal girl in school.”
“Oh, you go to school?” Toriel clasped her hands together and hummed, looking up dreamily. “I’ve always dreamed of being a teacher one day, teaching a class full of enthusiastic yet rowdy students… ah… But I know in my lifetime, it will never happen.”
She lowered her hands and gripped her dress slightly. “There must be someone to oversee the Ruins. Just in case… another human falls. Or, well, just in case a monster on her last legs needs a helping hand,” she looked up again, smiling at me.
I met her eyes, and for a second, I felt a deep sting within my chest. Not physical. Then, with a slow nod, I smile slightly. “Yes, I, uh…” I look around briefly, then look down. “Sorry for… yelling. And… thank you for saving my life.”
Toriel stepped forward and grabbed my hands, cupping them lovingly. “Dear, I would drop everything to save a life. Yours is no different. And for all its worth?
“Thank you for apologizing.”
I sat at the dinner table parked in the far corner of the room, sitting with my arms crossed in my lap. Toriel worked in the kitchen, and glancing over, I could see her preparing some sort of oven dish.
A pie, probably, knowing Toriel… well, knowing Kris’s Toriel. Did this Toriel still love making pie? Did this Toriel love sitting in her chair? Did this Toriel love snails? Did this Toriel…
My thoughts slowed to mush, and I instead looked down at my hands. My wrists were covered in bandages, the white fabric stained red. Kris’s hands… the pain only seemed to register now, making my teeth grind.
Also… why weren’t my hands wrapped in gauze? These looked like torn shirts bound by safety pins. After a minute of staring down at my hands, the sound of an oven door clanging shut made me flinch, and I resisted a terrified screech. Looking up, I saw Toriel walking out of the kitchen, dusting off her hands.
“I just put the Butterscotch-Cinnamon Pie in the oven, dear,” she said, walking over to the table. “It should be ready within the hour.”
I nod blankly, looking down again as she sits across from me. For a second, silence passed between us. But, clearing her throat, Toriel eased my gaze up. “So… where exactly are you from? No offense, but you look like you come from Snowdin.”
“I’m… from Hometown,” I say lowly, my gaze dropping again. I twiddle my fingers, my eyes drifting to the side.
Toriel nods slowly, a bead of sweat forming on her forehead. “Right… and that’s… where?”
I shrug. “I don’t know… I was born there.”
“I… see.” She looks aside as well, her gaze landing on the warmly burning fireplace. Looking at it myself, I don’t see any wood fueling the flame.
Eventually, I look back up, and with it, I set both of my hands on the table. “How bad were they?” I look down at my hands, turning my bandaged wrists upward. “The cuts, I mean.”
“Those? Ah, they were, well,” Toriel tugged at the collar. “I’m not too… sure about those. They were leaking some sort of red liquid, and they-”
“Blood, you mean?” I sharply look up, raising my eyebrows.
“Ah… yes, er… blood,” she sighed. “I remember seeing my little Chara oozing blood once after playing in the garden. I… didn’t know what to think with it. I suppose it’s a human thing. But…” she looked back up, eyes widening as she seemed to process it. “But, wait, you’re bleeding!”
“Duh, I’m bleeding.” I lean forward. “Is that strange somehow?”
“Yes, it is! Monsters don’t bleed! We’re…” Toriel trails off, her eyes suddenly narrowing. She raised her hand, stroking her muzzle. “Just… give me a moment. Okay?”
I pull my arms back, looking down at them more strangely. Why is it strange to bleed? To bleed is to have life left to lose… or so my dad said one time after falling from a ladder. I hugged my wrists closer, hissing slightly as the pain welled up again.
“Um… Miss Toriel,” I softly said, peering up through my bangs. “I’m not… making things more difficult by being here, am I?”
Almost immediately after I said that, Toriel perked up fully, eyes wide as she waved her hands back and forth. “N-No, absolutely not, dear! That’s an awfully self-destructive thing to say.” She pointed a stern finger at me, and I stiffened, hair standing on end.
It was like I was being scolded by her all over again. “U-Uh, yes, ma’am! I’m just…” My gaze fell, and I clenched my fists. “I’m just all over the place right now.”
Toriel held her stern face for a second long before it softened. She stood up then, walking around the table, and stood behind me. And before I could react, she reached around the chair and pulled me, chair and all, into a fluffy, comfortable hug.
“My child,” she said softly. “It’s okay. You don’t have to be one thing or another around me. Bleeding or not… unkind words or not… to me, you’re Noelle. A lost young girl who desperately needs someone to hold her close.”
I stiffen in her hold for a few seconds, but her soothing words seem to fight away the bitterness that seems to want to take root. Tears flood my eyes instantly as I raise my hands up to pull Toriel’s arms closer to my chest. Then, I lean my head back… and shakily sigh.
“Thank you… and I’m sorry…”
“You’re welcome.” Toriel stroked my head. “And there’s no need to apologize. I’m right here for you whenever you need me.”
For a minute, it was just like that. Quiet. Safe. But right when I began to close my eyes, a timer from the kitchen dinged. Instantly, Toriel perked up.
“The pie is done already? I could’ve sworn I put it for 20 minutes.” Before she stormed into the kitchen, she gave my head one last rub before making way. I stared after her before looking down at my hands one last time.
I can’t stay here. I want to. I really want to.
…
But what would Kris make me do?
P R O C E E D
The words resonated in my head like a gong, making me grab my antlers, my head falling. God… that hurts more than it used to. But…
Something cold danced at my fingertips.
If it’s what Kris wants, then…
I’m sorry.
I’m not, actually. I want to be, but I can’t ignore them. The words. The truth.
Kris.
…
“Hm, Noelle, the pie may be a little undercooked still, so I put it back in the oven for a few minutes,” Toriel says automatically as she steps out of the kitchen. However, the moment she does, she sees me.
Sitting at the table.
I look up, smile slightly, and tilt my head. “That’s fine,” I say quietly. “I think…”
I know.
“I have something I want to tell you, actually.”
Toriel perks up, smiling a bit. “Do you? Well,” she steps forward. “I’m listening. Tell me anything. I’ll listen.”
I look up at her, standing over me with all the kindness that a lonely version of Kris’s mom would exude. But… she’s not Kris’s mom. Just a lookalike.
A phony.
A fake.
An enemy.
“I… want to get stronger, you know,” I whisper. “For Kris.”
Toriel blinks, then tilts her head. “Um, by stronger, do you mean by training? I have a dummy by the entrance of the-”
Something frigid wraps around my fingers, and on an instinct I shouldn’t have, I thrust my hands upward.
KRA - C H U N K
Immediately, spikes of ice emerge from the ground, spearing directly through Toriel’s chest. The force of the movement lifts her slightly, her hands coming up to hold onto the ice. I look up at her, my eyes shadowed by my bangs.
But her face…
My stomach clenches and dances within me, threatening to puke up all of the bile in it. I grit my teeth, my face a cruel, confused grimace.
“I’m…” I lower my head, then look up with a frantic smile. “I’m getting stronger, Kris! Look at me! All for you, right!?”
Toriel grips the ice tighter, her mouth hanging open from the shock. But slowly… it forms into a soft… gentle smile. “My child…” she whispers. I freeze in my tracks. “I’m sorry… I didn’t see the pain within you soon enough.”
“Forgive me.”
And before my eyes, she falls apart into thousands upon millions of tiny pieces. The ice holding her up buckles slightly, cracking down the middle.
And above it, a smaller, quivering, upside-down heart. A soul. My eyes widen, and I reach out for it, my jaw falling open. A strange sound that I don’t even know how to explain escapes my mouth.
SNAP
Then it splits.
CRACK
Then it shatters.
I stare at the spot it used to be, my arm outstretched to nothing, as the ice crumbles to fine blue dust. My arm falls then, and so does my head. And my body, as I fall to my knees.
“I…” I mumble. “...just killed someone.”
And yet, something inside my chest grows. I raise my hands slightly, looking down at them as they tremble violently. “Noelle… you dumb bitch…”
A tear drops into my palms, and yet, I’m smiling.
“Get a damn grip.”
There was a door in the basement. All I remember was that, an hour ago, I killed somebody, stole their pie, and ate it at the dinner table where I killed them. Then I sat there in silence.
I think it was silent. There was water on the table, but it wasn’t from my tears. I deny it. I deny it. I deny it.
P R O C E E D
“Yes, Kris,” I mumble, raising my hand toward the door. Pushing it, it opens easily, and beyond it is a long hall with a bright light at the end. I begin to walk the long path.
I don’t think I’m going home. Not in the usual way, at least. Something about the weight… whatever that means… makes it feel like I’m here to stay. My heart… my soul… feels impossibly heavy, but also stronger.
P R O C E E D
“I… heard you the first time,” I grit my teeth, holding my head and shaking it slightly. After a second, my hands fall, and I sigh.
I wonder if there are other people I know. If Toriel’s here, then what about Berdly, Susie, Miss Alphys, Officer Undyne, or even… herself?
If Toriel were here, what else could be here?
P R O C E E D
“Kris, I said I heard you.” I clench my fists, my wrists burning with the motion, my brow creasing hard. As long as I have Kris here to guide me, then I can do anything.
Even if it means going back home.
P R O C E E D
“Kris, be QUIET!!!” I turn and yell, only to see the empty air behind me. My voice takes a second to echo, and I hear the ugly pitch in it. I take a step back, face falling, and hug myself tightly.
“Right…” I mumble, and finally, I step out of the hall into fresh snow.
I’ve just got to try harder.
The forest just outside the exit to the Ruins was long and empty. Just a single path through tall, dark trees leading me forward through the snow. The wind blew through the trees soundlessly, messing up my hair and making my skirt billow.
I finally dried off… not. I was freezing again, the remaining dampness in my clothes seemingly beginning to freeze and become rigid. The remaining water in my fur seemed to cling like a sickness to my skin underneath.
CRA-SNAP
I shriek, whirling around instantly. Behind me, a large tree limb that I had walked over had snapped in two. I hold my hands closer to my body, turning and walking just a little faster.
The wind itself seemed to pick up, the dark sky above me thick with gray clouds pouring snow. I heard a foot crunch in the snow behind me, and I ducked my head and moved a little faster.
Through the snow in front of me, I saw some sort of bridge surrounded by a wooden gate… although, the sections of the fence were wide enough to walk through. I held my head and nearly began to walk.
But at the last second, I tripped and fell face-first into the snow. In an instant, the wounds on my wrists flared up, the sharp pain biting into my nerve and making me grunt.
Step… step… step…
Behind me, slow, crunching footsteps in the snow drew my attention. I froze, each step drawing nearer and nearer… before they stopped just behind me. Beneath me, my fingers curled.
“Young girl…” A deep, ominous voice from behind me, and that was that. In an instant, I turned on my knees and swiped my hand up…
…
…and nothing happened. And in front of me was…
The cheesy shop owner, Sans? My hand gesture seems to have thrown snow onto his smiling, bony face.
“Heya,” he greets casually, not even taking his hands out of his hoodie pockets. “So… is that always how you meet new pals? cause’...” He shrugged, his head moving with the movement. “Kinda rude.”
“I… I just…” I lowered my hand, looking down at it. I could’ve sworn I did the same…
“Why don’t you shake my hand like a proper pal?” Sans said, leaning forward a bit. “Unless you wanna toss more snow in my face.”
I look down at the snow for a few seconds before heaving in a deep breath. Then, with a sigh, I push myself up, extending my hand forward. He takes out his hand as well.
I catch him glancing at my wrists before our hands connect.
BLLLLRRPPPTTTT-fffffftbbll…
My expression practically takes a plunge.
“Hehehe… the old whoopee cushion in the hand trick,” Sans chuckles, pulling his hand back. “It’s a classic… and apparently a bad joke to you, judging by the face.”
“No! I…” I tug at my hair, turning around. “It’s just a bad time for a joke…”
He seems to chuckle again. “There’s never a bad time for a joke. You’ve just gotta have the right bone for it.”
I sigh and turn slightly. “I… you’re right, I-”
“A funny bone.” He shrugs and chuckles again, a drum snare coming seemingly from nowhere. I give him the meanest glare I can before turning again, stomping across the bridge. Annoyingly, he seems to follow right behind me.
“Why are you following me?” I say through my teeth.
“Following you? I just happen to be going the same way,” Sans says casually, hands in his hoodie. “Also, what happened to you to get your antlers in a twist?”
I lower my head instantly at that, shaking my head. “I’m just… displaced. Lost.”
Sans stays quiet at that, but before long, we enter a wider space. To my left seems to be a small stand with a roof caked in snow, and standing beneath it was another skeleton, similar to Sans. Upon spotting us, he vaulted the stand, faceplanted, rolled, faceplanted again, and stood, running up to us.
“Sans! There you are!” He spoke in a high, excited tone. Then, he crossed his arms, looking sidelong. “I thought you were skipping out on your guard duty again.”
“Hehe, you know I just guard differently,” Sans said effortlessly, making the skeleton stamp his foot repeatedly.
“But that’s not how the Royal Guards do it! They do it by the book, they do it by the-” Immediately, he seemed to stop after noticing me, despite me being in front of Sans. “Whoa!” He then leans forward past me toward Sans. “Is this a human?”
Sans shakes his head. “Nah. She’s a monster.”
The skeleton seems to sigh in disappointment before placing his hand on his chest valiantly, his cape billowing. “Well, then I shall introduce myself. I am the Great Papyrus, Royal Guard In Training-”
“More like in his dreams,” Sans interrupts with a chuckle.
“-WHO is on the constant lookout for a human to walk through here,” Papyrus finishes with a curt clear of his throat. “And who might you be?”
I just blink, then shake my head quickly, realizing I was being spoken to. “Uh, Noelle. Noelle Holiday.”
“Pleased to meet you then! Perhaps later in the day, I, the Great Papyrus, shall meet you in Snowdin! And perhaps serve you a plate of my expertly crafted spaghetti!” He then turned on his heel. “For now, I shall get back to crafting more puzzles to trick any humans who dare to sneak past my gaze!”
“Nyehehehe!”
When Papyrus was gone, I let out a deep, heavy sigh. “Can I just… go?”
“Sure, I ain’t stopping you,” Sans said casually. “Just watch out for puzzles on the way through the forest. They might get you in a real snag.”
I don’t say anything back at him, but as I’m about to leave the area, he speaks up again.
“Oh, and just for future reference,” he says, eye sockets on me. “If you’re gonna kill someone, you might wanna dust off your clothes.”
Instantly, my eyes widen, my heart dropping. Looking down at my coat, I see bright white dust lightly scattered across the red and green checkerboard pattern. I quickly raise my hands and brush them off, hastily looking back up.
But he was gone. I stared for a second longer, my eyes darting left and right, searching for that skeleton, my breathing quick and heavy, the air before me misting heavily.
He just wasn’t anywhere in sight.
Then, turning on my hooves, I quickly walk through the trees again.
I stood at the bank of a flowing, dark blue river. I hadn’t gone much further out from where I saw Sans and Papyrus. Just through a few trees and to the left at a split in the path. There was a sign and a box, but I didn’t find myself curious enough to read or open them.
I stared down at my reflection in the water. It was barely visible; the gray atmosphere, the white reflection of the snow, the dark color of the water, all worked in collaboration to hinder my view of myself.
But I saw myself. My hair seemed to have dried for the most part, still hanging semi-straight down my shoulders. My antlers seemed to be rimmed slightly with ice, but whether by the cold or by…
I shake my head, closing my eyes. Then, taking a deep breath, I turned away from the river. I need to keep going. I need to…
I look up and around. Silence. I hold my arms close and quickly begin walking away from the stream, immediately turning left and continuing down what seemed to be the right path.
“Proceed…” I whisper to myself. “P… Proceed.”
However, my steps were immediately hindered as a rope hidden in the snow snapped shut around my left hoof. With a loud shriek, I was rocketed upward, and now… I hang from a tree, upside down.
Thankfully, my skirt seemed to be frozen solid, not having moved an inch.
“Hrk!” I struggle against the rope slightly, trying to shake free, trying to reach up to the hard fiber wrapping tightly around my ankle. But each attempt just led to fiery, embarrassing failure.
I couldn’t call for help. How could I!? If anyone else was like Sans, they’d… I look down, or… up at my shirt, hastily brushing it off again, though all that broke free were delicate flakes of snow.
Dammit… of course, the first thing I run into in this place is a trap. Alone, dangling from a tree, the air seemingly growing even colder around me… so, this would be the place I would truly die. Not the lake, not the Ruins.
Hanging from a tree. With a frozen skirt.
…
Like HELL!
I curl my fingertips and sharply wave my hands at the rope, grunting and screaming. The movement makes me sway back and forth, each attempt making the rope jump on the tree branch.
I swipe both of my hands up toward the rope. Nothing. I claw across the air. Nothing. I thrust both of my palms out. Nothing. I begin to move quicker, more desperately, and before I know it, tears are forming in my eyes.
“God… please…!” I say quietly at first. “Grk…” I grit my teeth hard, bringing my hands back. “PLEASE!!!!!”
THUNK!
SNAP!
With a loud snap, the rope suddenly splits down the middle. I barely turn in the air before I land with a soft thud on my back in the snow below. Turning over with a low, petrified wheeze, I see a white sword embedded in the tree for a second.
Then, I fully turn over onto my stomach, and through the path ahead of me… wait, I think I know this guy. He’s one of the dogs from Hometown, but… which one specifically eludes me.
He’s mostly white except for black fur on his head, starting just below his eyes and continuing up, almost like a blindfold or a bandana. And he was wearing… some sort of pink tank top and horrible-looking pants. In his left hand was one sword, and the other…
Well, I think I know where.
“Goodness, I thought you wouldn’t stop yowling,” he said, his eyes narrowing as he looked back and forth. “Where are you anyway? I can only see movement…”
I stayed quiet, but I moved, slowly pushing myself onto my hooves. His eyes seem to focus on me, and he smirks. “Ah, not a human. What’s a girl like you doing out here anyhow? It’s dangerous, all sorts of traps and… puzzles strewn about.”
He gives the air a sidelong glare just then, then looks back in my general direction. I take it he’s waiting for me to answer, but… I don’t want to. Seeing him, he’s…
P R O C E E D
My breathing hitches, but I lower my head slightly, lightly smiling. “Yes… Kris…” I curl my fingertips, something cold brewing. The dog seems to sniff the air, tilting his head.
“Is it just me, or do I smell something frigid?”
KRA - S N A P
I thrust my palm upward, and immediately, a pillar of ice erupts out from directly beneath the dog, spearing him directly down the middle, lifting him a few feet off the ground with the momentum. He remains there, impaled on the ice, eyes wide and mouth open.
…before he turns into dust. My eyes widened, and I staggered back numerous feet, watching as it scattered in the wind. Looking down quickly, I inspected my shirt. Only snow.
No dust. I smile again, then laugh once. In front of me, my ice crumbles to fine blue dust. Again… again…
I clench my fists and fall to my knees, raising both of them and slamming them into the snow. White-hot pain lances up my arms, and I scream. Then, my hands grab fistfuls of snow and toss them into my face. Seconds later, I shake it off, standing up.
“Stronger… I’m getting… stronger,” I whisper to myself, grabbing my left arm and staggering past the scene. “Kris… what should I do now…?”
The wind blows less fiercely than before.
“Ha… ha… that’s right.”
“Proceed.”
So, I continue to walk. I was… doing a lot of walking. Past one rickety-looking stand, empty and without a caretaker. Past another intact, more obviously owned stand, its caretaker…
I look back over my shoulder, and for a second, I feel something in my stomach rise. I stagger slightly, nearly falling to the left. But I steady myself, only barely, walking faster past the stand. I lower my head, holding my arms up against it, obscuring my vision.
Then, I slip. I barely withhold another shriek as my hooves immediately lose traction. Then, with an oomph, I land back-first on a thick layer of ice. A frozen pond, most likely. Slowly, I coast across the icy surface, my speed neither increasing nor decreasing. I look to my left.
Another path branched off from what I assumed was the main path, and through the trees, I could make out a lone snowman standing on the cliffside.
…
10 years ago, it was a beautiful winter day. On that day, my dad introduced me to the weirdo kid next door. He told me their name was Kris, and they were a human. I asked, “What’s a human?”
My dad told me humans were just monsters but different. When I asked what the difference was, he shrugged and told me, “We bleed the same color, speak the same language, and live in the same town. We’re just different, that’s all.”
I remember looking at Kris. The first thing I saw was a little boy, but the nice lady standing behind them, Kris’s mom, Toriel, told me that Kris was neither a boy nor a girl. When I asked what she meant, she told me that it meant that Kris could be both or neither.
I remember pouting and crossing my arms, saying that it wasn’t fair that Kris could be a boy and a girl while I was just a girl. Both parents laughed, but Kris stepped forward, looked at me with those ruby-red eyes…
…and I remember my heart skipped a beat when they told me that I was a really pretty deer. Seconds later, they tossed a snowball with a rock in it at me, and I went home crying.
But that day, when I had the gash on my forehead bandaged by Mom, I went outside and built a snowman right next to the front door. When my dad came out and asked me about it, I said it was Kris, despite it looking nothing like them.
And he said, “Damn right, kiddo. That’s Kris if I’ve ever seen them. Lumpy and sad.”
He laughed and patted me on the back, but I puffed my cheeks out and turned away.
“Kris isn’t lumpy and sad!” I had retorted. “Kris is a cool boy and girl!”
“One day, I’ll be just like them!”
…
It was a few seconds later before I finally realized that I was sitting in the snow across the frozen pond. My wind wandered so far that, for a second, I thought I was really back in the past. But looking up at the dark, cloudy sky, the ceiling of a spiky cavern ever-present above me…
I remembered exactly where I was. Who I was. What I was meant to do. Standing up, I breathed a full, steady breath and walked forward.
After that, it was… empty. More empty than usual. For the entire rest of my walk, I didn’t see a single other soul. Just.. snow, trees, and the occasional strip of spikes probably triggered by me not finishing a puzzle first.
I didn’t care, though. I just walked through the spikes. They were spaced out enough that I could just ease on through.
I saw a table in the middle of nowhere, a smaller table sitting next to it with an unplugged microwave. I saw a map hidden beneath snow, obviously meant for some sort of puzzle, but I just walked through the spikes.
I saw more puzzles, more spikes, more ice, more puzzles, more spikes, more ice…
Where the hell was the town!? Did these people have to walk all this distance all the time through all of this nonsense? It was boring, impossibly annoying at times, and most of all…
A waste of my time.
By the time I reached a rickety rope bridge, I could feel my expression without having to look in a mirror. Flat, dark, and irritated. But, as I stepped onto the bridge, I dared to look down.
H…
“Holy… shit…” I immediately gripped onto the rope, my legs immediately beginning to quiver. I was so, SO high up. The ground beneath me, a mix of trees and jagged rocks, was at least 500 feet below me. Slowly, I took a step forward, then another.
But the bridge was long. Way, way too long. If I moved at this pace, I’d be here for half an hour. So, instead, I took a deep breath and–
P R O C E E D
Immediately, something deep inside my chest ached. I gripped my chest hard with both hands, my eyes squeezing shut, staggering slightly on the bridge. What… what’s hurting so bad?!?!
But when I opened my eyes, the bridge tilted just enough that I lost my balance. My back hit the rope, and my momentum carried me over the rope with a flip. I didn’t even get to scream. One second, I was standing.
The next, I was falling. I raised my hand up toward the bridge, my eyes widening with each passing second. No, no… no no no NO NO!
“NOOO!!!!!!”
My back hit the branch of a tree. It snapped into my back, tossing me sideways into the trunk of another tree. My chest smashed against it, something deep inside breaking.
The force of the blow slowed my horizontal movement to nearly a dead stop. But I still broke through numerous thinner branches on my way down. And finally, with one last lash to the face, my fur split in numerous spots…
I saw the snowy ground, much less covered in snow.
THUD!!
And slammed face-first into it. My vision immediately went dark, and so did everything else.
When my eyes next opened, I could barely see. It wasn’t dark, no, I just… felt really tired and very, very wet. My vision was incredibly hazy; the sky above me, filled with fluffy clouds and early morning hues, seemed to double, almost triple, as I looked.
But, wait…
…wasn’t I underground?
Immediately, I sat up, and with the movement, something deep inside my chest welled up. I gagged first, then coughed, violently, as a stream of murky water erupted from deep inside me. I had to turn in place, half-sitting, half-on my hands. I coughed more, staring down at the ground and taking deep breaths whenever I could.
Then, when everything felt situated, I looked up. I saw trees, deep into their autumn colors, all around me. Tall, thick oak trees. Soft dirt. Sun rays filtering through the branches.
I looked around some more. Behind me, I saw water. Not just any water.
“The… l… lake…!?” I try to stand, but I immediately fall again, collapsing to my side. The movement jostles my head just enough that, when I look around again, I see someone lying on the dirt, their face obscured by dark brown hair, their green and yellow striped shirt soaked and clinging to their body.
That… was…
My eyes widen, my heart dropping.
“KRIS!!!”
Before I could even comprehend anything, I was sitting up in a small cot, and my antlers scratched brutally on the ceiling of what seemed to be a small shack or something similarly small.
Beside me, hands gripping a large spoon inside a boiling pot, was a person. They had cat-like features, complete with black fur and a patch of orange fur across their chest, though an X replaced their left eye.
I stared. She stared back, amber eye wide. And then, she laughed once, leaning back in the chair she was in. “Ohoho, you’re alive!? Here I thought I was about to make reindeer stew!” She slapped her knee, and I shrank back on the bed, holding myself.
“I… who are you?” I asked defensively, looking her up and down. She smirked smugly, letting go of the spoon and turning toward me. Her tail behind her perked up, the end of it adorned with golden jingle bells.
“I,” her tail swung, the bells jingling, “am Bell. I had just been looking for something to eat when I saw you lying face-down in red snow. Like, gosh, I didn’t know some monsters could ooze yucky red stuff.”
I reach up for my face at that, feeling a bunch of small cloth patches. Pressing on them makes me wince.
“Oh, no, that’s not even the worst of it!” Bell lurched forward and grabbed my sheets. Then, with a yank, she pulled them back. Immediately, my eyes widened. I was naked!
But… the embarrassment faded to muted shock, then dull acceptance. My entire chest and half of my abdomen were covered in thick cloth wraps, my stomach especially stained dark red. I wrapped my wrists around myself, and the bandages on those seemed to have been replaced with the same cloth wraps.
“How… am I even alive?” I whisper, my eyes glancing over to the cat. “I thought… I fell from that bridge.”
Bell hummed, leaning back in the chair and spinning in it slightly. “Well, that part’s true,” she noted, grabbing the spoon and stirring again. “Honestly, I don’t even know how you’re alive! Any monster falling from that height would explode into dust unless they had wings or a counterspell.”
I nod slowly, looking away. “I guess… I just got lucky… again,” I mutter. The cat noticed this, her tail lashing once with an obvious jingle.
“Ooh, we gotta lucky girl on our paws?” She raised her paws and puffed them up slightly. “Tell me, how many times have you cheated death? From your expression…”
“It tells me you’re used to this.”
My eyes widen, and I shake my head. Then, I shake my head quicker. “No, no! I’m… I’m not used to this. It… hurts,” I whine, tears rimming my eyes. “The last time was… I…”
Bell leaned forward, almost leaning directly into my face. With a curt glare, I pushed her back. She fell into her chair with a rattled “EEK!”. “N-Never mind, I’m not saying.”
The cat righted herself and crossed her arms with a huff. “Boo, bummer,” she hissed. Then, looking at the pot, she grabbed the spoon and stirred faster. “Well, I don’t need your backstory to know your name. So… what’s your name?”
“Noelle…” I grumble. For a second, I pause, then sigh. “Just… Noelle.”
“Sounds fancy. You know, your clothes were fancy, too,” Bell said cheerily, pointing above the pot. Hanging on a round wooden stick were my clothes, and I looked away when I saw my underwear.
“You… d-didn’t have to do that,” I stammer, crossing my arms closer to myself.
The cat just shook her head with a smirk. “That’s not true, I did. I had to wash them and everything! They were completely soaked in that nasty red stuff,” she gagged. “It smelled like metal and was a pain to wash out.”
“You mean… my blood?” I look over, raising a brow. Again, monsters pretending like they don’t know what blood is.
“Oh, is that what you call it? Blood? Sounds spooky,” Bell snickered, tailing lashing and jingling again. “I’ve never seen a monster here in the Underground leak blood before. I’d reckon you’re pretty unique.”
I open my mouth, but I don’t speak. I look away and out of a window on the wall opposite of the bed I’m on. Outside, the snow seems to fall steadily, and amidst the dark trees, I see the distant lights of other houses.
I… suppose I am unique. Everything about this place is shoving the one big fact in my face. This isn’t my world, or at least I’m in some crazy prank show where everyone is acting like they don’t know me.
But in that case, wouldn’t that mean that… I…
I shake my head suddenly, tears coming again, faster than before. I cover my eyes and shake my head, hard enough that my antlers scrape against the ceiling. Bell took notice with a low, questioning mrrow?, but I ignore her and take a deep breath.
I’m… obviously in a different world. As obvious as being in a different world gets, anyhow. But as I was sulking in my thoughts, the cat slinks up to my side and pokes me in the side of my face.
“Want some… food?” She proposes with a tilt of her head. “I made some vegetable stew, fresh from the produce stall just a little north of here.”
I look at Bell, then past her at the now simmering pot. My eyes glance above at my clothes for just a brief second before meeting her eye, just as she tilts her head.
“I’d…” I pause, looking around, my left ear flicking. I heard nothing. Maybe, just this once…
Then, I look back, smile just a little bit, and nod. “I’d love some. Just a little, though.”
Bell smiles and steps back, her tail lashing again, the jingle of the bells filling the small one-room building. “One bowl of vegetable stuff, coming up!”
As I watched the cat work, I thought about something. For a monster who seemingly doesn’t know about blood… what’s with all of the gauze-like stuff? “So… where’d you get all of this stuff to patch me up?”
Bell, mid-pour, spoon held high over a wooden bowl, looked over. “Oh, all of that?” She smirked, one ear flicking. “They’re from a mummy costume I had last year. Don’t worry, I kept them in cold storage.”
She points out the window then, and I follow her gesture, looking at a wooden chest half-buried in the snow, freshly uncovered. I just… nod. Then, a second later, a wooden bowl complete with a small wooden spoon and placed in my blanketed lap.
“Enjoy, Noelle!” She said with a high voice, beginning to prepare her own bowl. But, I caught her eye drifting toward me for just a second. I smiled and looked down. It looked… good. Great, even.
It… reminded me of that one time Kris’s mom made something that wasn’t pie. I believe it was… six years ago on a cool autumn day. I had gotten down with a sickness, maybe the flu or something. Dad was in the hospital again, and Mom was too busy being the mayor.
That left my only possible caretaker being Kris and Toriel. With both masks on, I watched them move in and out of the kitchen. Kris would carry handfuls of veggies, and Toriel would come into the room, ask me for my preferences, then rush right back into the kitchen.
It was also the one time that Kris didn’t act like a general ass. Every so often, when they weren’t hauling ingredients for their mom, they’d sit across the couch from me and talk to me.
What my favorite thing to do was now. Who I wanted to be one day. Where I saw myself in ten years. We were both ten, both still young, but both on our paths to being functioning adults.
But I couldn’t find it in myself to say that my favorite thing to do was just… study to be a star student. So I lied and said that I liked to game, but that my console had broken.
Just like that, Kris left, and that was around the time that Toriel came out with a bowl of fresh vegetable stew. It looked just like the bowl in my lap right now…
And later on, Kris came over with their dusty game console and a bunch of fighting games. I just… remember laughing at them, but also thanking them for being so thoughtful, even while I was incredibly sick.
A tear dropped into my bowl of stew, and Bell leaned forward with a curious mew. “You… okay?”
I look up jerkily, then nod, smiling a bit. “Yeah, just… remembering something,” I murmur, grabbing the bowl and lifting the spoon. I blew it softly, then, carefully, slipped it into my mouth.
Warm, slightly salty, and, perfectly…
“Good,” I look over at Bell. “It tastes really good.”
Bell clapped her paws together twice and smiled, shutting her eye happily. “I’m glad to hear it! Just get used to it,” she leaned back with that same smug smirk. “It’s the only thing I’m going to be making while you recover.”
My smile falters, but, strangely… I laugh. “That’s fine with me, thank you.”
Turning back to my bowl, I put another spoonful in my mouth, chew the veggies, and swallow, the warm feeling filling my stomach. Looking up and out the window, I take in the cool, calm scenery just once, leaning back in the cot.
I spot someone outside, however. They seemed short, shadowed by the snow, and when they looked up…
I froze. My eyes met ruby-red eyes. “No, not yet!” I sharply yell, my hands flying up. My bowl goes flying across the cot, smashing against the window and splattering all of the stew onto it. When a smear moves out of the way, they’re gone.
Bell, who had just about to consume her own stew, just looked over at the commotion with a dropped jaw. Then, turning to me, she just huffed. “Gosh, can you be mentally unstable and careful with your food? I feel like you can be both.”
My eyes snap over to her, my mouth falling open as I sharply wave my hands around. “I… I- Sorry, I… I just- Please, I’m sorry, I… I just wanted-”
But Bell just laughed, shaking her head. “I’m joking, Noelle! It’s just a small mess. Seriously, you’re fine. No biggie.”
I stare for a few seconds longer, visibly trembling in my cot, before I look back at the window. The stew had frozen against the glass, the vegetable chunks stopped in place.
“...right…” I say under my breath. “Sorry again…”