Archive of Our Own

Christmas shopping was a nightmare. 

Leon didn't even know why he agreed to accompany Sherry to her unusually long list of presents. He actually did know why but his penance for being a terrible person to deal with this past year had gone way too far. He won’t even attend Claire's party this year.

“Who's Sara?”, Leon questioned Sherry, who was hands deep in clothes as he sat in those uncomfortable store couches.

“Claire's coworker”, she turned then, holding two identical sweaters, except one was red and the other blue. “Which one do you like more?”

“Are these for this Sara girl?” 

“Nope. They're for Moira and I still have to buy something for her little sister”, Sherry dangled the sweaters again, waiting for Leon's answer.

“The red one”, Sherry nodded, putting the blue one back in its place. “Is the little sister on the list?”

“I think so. It's Natalia”, Sherry answered from a few feet away.

“Yep. Right here”, Leon crosses Moira off the list, noticing there's still ten people to get presents for. “Wesker Junior is attending?”

Leon could see Sherry's flustered face from afar. “That's not his name and no, he's not but I’m still buying something for him”. 

“That's cute”, he teased as she came back to sit by his side on the couch.

 “I still think you should come for Christmas”. Sherry insisted and Leon sighed in defeat.

“I've been terrible to deal with this past year, kiddo. It's best if I sit this one out”.

“Don't ‘kiddo’ me, old man”, Sherry snapped back, annoyed. “I just don't want you to be alone”.

“I won’t be. I'll be working”. It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the truth either, he'd be all alone on the 25th but he'd work on the next day. Just one day to drink himself to sleep.

“Which is awful. You should be with your friends”.

“Last time I tried to take a vacation, Chris and Rebecca dragged me into an outbreak. Trust me, I'll be fine”. Leon bumped her shoulder in reassurance but Sherry didn't seem convinced. “This is nice, isn't it? Taking your old man to shop around for Christmas”.

Leon managed to get her to smile a little. “I thought you hated shopping”.

“Not when it's with you. Besides, it's my way of making it up to you for being an asshole this past year”. He awkwardly explained, still ashamed of the way he treated all of them.

“You know I don't care about that. I just want you to be, you know, you again”, Sherry looked at him fondly and Leon knew she's hoping to see that same hero figure that rescued her alongside Claire.

Leon's not sure he's still that person. His need to help people would always be there but the years of death and loss hardened his soul beyond repair. The death of his unit six months ago was one more weight he’d carry for the rest of his life, men and women that trusted their lives to him and Leon couldn't even provide them with safety.

Leon's used to guilt, it had been living within his for sixteen years now.

Sherry nudged him with her elbow. “Don’t look so serious, you’re gonna scare the saleswomen away.”

“I scare people away, anyway,” Leon muttered, leaning back into the couch.

“That’s not true.” Leon gave her a deadpan look. “Okay,” Sherry admitted after a few seconds of consideration, “maybe a little lately but not permanently.”

“Helena isn't talking to me”.

“Helena is also dealing with her own problems from what you've told me. She needs some space”, Sherry tried to remedy but Leon was at fault there. 

Helena had shown up a month ago at his apartment, face red and blotchy from crying but Leon was so absorbed into his own sadness that he didn't see his friend needed him. When Helena tried to reach out, Leon pushed her away, not even giving her the time to say what she needed to say. He was so engulfed in his own sorrow, he didn't allow Helena to express hers. 

She had left without a word and when Leon tried to reach out, after he realized she went there for help and not to admonish him, Helena shut him out entirely. 

He only found out through Hunnigan that the source of Helena's pain was seeing her aunt again, only for the woman to blame Helena for her sister's death. Her aunt was the one that took Helena and Deborah in after their parents’ deaths so the comment cut her deep and Leon had no idea.

Safe to say that he felt the shittiest friend in the world.

Shortly after that, Helena took a vacation and he only has news about her through Hunnigan who became her close friend this past year.

Sherry left to pay for the clothes while Leon managed the other presents, carrying five bags in each hand.

Leon huffed a quiet breath, eyes drifting toward the store entrance where people came and went, arms full of bags, faces lit up with that familiar holiday rush. Laughter, chatter, the occasional complaint about prices.

He fit into that world once or maybe he wanted enough he almost believed he could be a part of it.

“We're all set”, Sherry's voice echoed but Leon couldn't stop staring at the family a few feet away, a young couple with a toddler walking hand by hand into the store. A reality so foreign to him. “Leon?”

“Do you ever feel like you’re watching everything from the outside?” he asked, voice quieter now. 

Leon had no idea why the words and thoughts he'd kept locked up for a year decided to come out while he's sitting on a couch in the women's section of a store a week before Christmas but he didn't care anymore.

Sherry followed his line of sight with a tight lipped smile, then sat back beside him. “What do you mean?”

Leon gestured vaguely to the scene before them “All of this. People shopping, laughing, going home to their families. It feels like I’m just passing through with nowhere to go”.

Sherry studied him carefully, her expression softening. “You’re not outside of it,” she reassured him gently. “You’re just bad at letting yourself be part of anything.”

Leon let out a dry chuckle. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

Sherry leaned back on the couch, mirroring his posture.

“You know,” she started, “when I was a kid, I used to think you were invincible.”

Leon raises an eyebrow at her. “That's a high bar”.

“I’m serious,” Sherry continued. “You and Claire. You showed up in the worst moment of my life and made everything bearable, some things even better than before,” she shrugged lightly. “In my head, that kind of stuck.”

“We were just trying to survive. There's nothing heroic about that”.

“The impressionable 12 year old me disagrees about that”, Sherry replied without missing a beat. “28 years old me does too”.

She sounded so certain but all Leon could see were his failures, a lifetime of poor decisions that led him to feel this longing for a life never lived. A life where things were different. 

A life where he felt enough. 

A life where she stayed.

“You don’t see it, do you?” Sherry brought him back to reality. “That you’re still that same person”.

Leon looked away again, his expression dimming. “People change, Sherry”.

“They do but that doesn't mean they stop being who they were”, she reassured him.

Leon didn't know what to say.

The man she's talking about, that bright eyed rookie who ran into Raccoon City to save strangers, who refused to give up no matter how bad things got, that guy felt far away.

Like someone he used to know.

Sherry nudged him again, softer this time. “You’re not alone in this”.

Leon smiled faintly, remembering a time where he was the one reassuring a terrified 12 year old on the turbulent days that followed their escape from Raccoon City.

Their relationship was a frail thing back then. Claire was the thread that connected them and when she left, Leon had to step up as the primary caregiver of a child he didn't know so well but even then, he took the responsibility head on.

When he looked at Sherry, he didn't see his failures or the choice that was taken from him. Sherry was his success, the reminder that he could do good, that not all was lost.

“I mean it,” Sherry continued, smiling. “You’ve got Claire, me, Helena, Hunnigan. Even Chris, in his own grumpy way.”

“Not Jill?”

“She thinks your jokes are lame”, Sherry teased with a smirk.

“She's a tough crowd”, Leon agreed, feeling a little lighter. Maybe talking to someone really did help. “Thanks, kiddo”.

“Don't mention it, old man”, Sherry got up and extended her hand to pull him out of the couch. Leon took it. “Come for Christmas. If not for your own sake, do it for me. Please?”

Leon's instinct was to say no. It'd be easier that way. No pretending, no questions, no moments where he’d have to sit there and feel like he didn’t belong but then he looked at Sherry and sighed in defeat. 

Perhaps she's right. He can't hide from his life forever and drinking himself into a stupor on Christmas day was a sad way to live.

“You’re not gonna drop this, are you?” he asked, smirking a little.

Sherry smiled, a little triumphant. “Nope.”

Leon sighed, dragging a hand down his face. “I’ll think about it.”

“Yes!” Sherry closed her fist in celebration. “You won't regret this, I swear”.

“Alright,” he complied, grabbing the list again. “Who’s next? Natalia, right?”

“Yep. And you’re helping me pick something.”

“As long as your shopping spree ends today, I'm in”, he warned with a chuckle.

“No promises. We still need to buy something for Chris”, she reminded him as they finally left the store.

“Now I know we're never leaving this God forsaken place”, he joked but it had some truth to it. Chris was a terrible person to think of gifts for. 

“Don't be so doom and gloom. Everyone has a weak spot, even Chris”, Sherry said but after walking for half an hour to no success, her resolve was beginning to crack.

“Call Claire?” Leon asked. It was cheating but desperate times call for desperate measures.

“Call Claire”, Sherry agreed, admitting defeat.

The week before Christmas was spent making preparations. 

Leon managed to change his work schedule while Sherry bought their flight tickets to San Francisco but just the thought of a crowded airport is enough to make Leon regret ever saying yes to Sherry. 

It'll be fun, he reminded himself. They'd arrive on the 25th by morning and Leon would leave by dawn on the next day. His promise would be fulfilled and he'd get to wallow in his apartment while he watched the New Year countdown.

The five hour flight to San Francisco was quick with Sherry by his side to take his mind off of certain things this time of the year reminds him of. 

Laughter was heard when they approached Jill's house, a beautiful two-story house with light blue walls and a giant backyard, and Leon's convinced he should've stayed home. There's too many people there, some he didn't even know, just the thought of small talk made him tired these days.

“C'mon, it'll be fun”, Sherry reminded him as if she'd read his mind.

“The things I do for you…” Leon smiled back at her as Sherry took the lead.

Despite the cold, the house felt warm the moment they crossed the yard, tangled with the smell of roasted food and something sweet that Claire was baking, probably. The house glowed with soft yellow lights, music playing somewhere in the background, the kind of place that felt lived in.

“You made it”, Claire greeted them at the entrance, wearing a red sweater with ‘Redfield’ written across it. Before they could brace themselves, Claire pulled them into a tight hug.

“Don’t sound so surprised.” Leon muttered,  awkwardly patting her back. 

“I’m allowed to be,” she shot back, but there was no bite to it. Claire looked to Sherry, “How was the flight?”

“Leon snored the whole way through”, Sherry joked, earning a scoff from Leon. “I hope we're not late because I have a ton of presents in this suitcase”.

“It's only 5 PM, you're fine”. Claire reassured her. “Make yourselves at home. I'm doing dinner this year so I can't play host”.

Everyone glanced their way once they're truly inside as if the air was sucked out of the room. Leon recognised some faces from the BSAA, others from Terra Save, he caught sight of Jill leaning against the kitchen counter, hair slightly longer and with the blonde roots showing. Chris was nearby, arguing with Barry about something that sounded suspiciously like grilling techniques. 

“You look like you’re about to bolt,” Jill walked over to him as soon as Sherry and Claire left, handing him a beer before he could refuse.

“Was it that obvious?” Leon asked.

“Only to people who know you,” she replied, clinking her bottle lightly against his. “Relax. No outbreaks tonight. We checked.”

“Good to know,” he said dryly, taking a sip and noticing the difference. He lifted an eyebrow,  “You gave me a non-alcoholic beer”.

“My girlfriend's orders”, Jill raised her hands in surrender. “And we don't want to piss her off when she's making dinner for fifteen people. Do we?”

“Nope”. Leon agreed.

“That's what I thought”, Jill smirked. “I'll go help her. Behave, ok?”

“Who do you think I am?” Leon teased.

Jill shrugged before walking away. “Trouble”.

Leon smiled at that. Even though they never spend much time together, he liked Jill and her dry, sometimes mean, humor. It kept him on his toes. 

He drank his beer, quietly observing the people around him but it didn’t take long for him to have company again.

Barry Burton clapped him on the shoulder hard enough he nearly spilled his drink. “Leon! Hear you’ve been keeping busy.”

“Something like that,” Leon replied. 

Barry was like a father to Claire and Chris so Leon had made his acquaintance for a few years now. The man was an expert in guns and Leon was always interested in learning more. 

Barry's daughter, Moira, joined them. “That’s his way of saying ‘I’m not telling you anything’.”

“Smart guy,” Barry added with a grin.

It was easy to lose himself in conversation but even there, among friends, Leon's mind kept wandering to another place, to another night back when he was certain of what the future looked like.

Is she alone right now?

The question kept breaking the locked vault inside his mind where he stored his deepest hurt but Leon knew the answer. 

Of course she is.

She had no one but him.

“You’re doing the thing again.” Sherry appeared at his side, nudging him lightly. 

“What thing?”

“The brooding in the corner thing,” she said. “Very on brand but not allowed tonight.”

Leon huffed. “I’m socializing.”

“Standing near people doesn’t count”, she snapped back.

“It does in my book.”

Sherry opened her mouth to argue, but Claire beat her to it.

“Leon,” she called, appearing out of nowhere again, far too energetic for someone hosting this many people. “Come here for a second.”

He narrowed his eyes, slightly. “That tone worries me.”

“You’ll survive,” Claire said, grabbing his arm and dragging him along.

He looked back at Sherry for help but she just smirked at him. Traitor.

Claire led him towards the dining area, where a curly haired woman he didn’t recognize was sipping wine and talking with Jill and Chris. They all looked up when they approached.

“Leon, this is Sara Hayward”, Claire introduced, her intentions starkly clear. “She's one of our best lawyers at Terra Save, always ready to save our asses from getting sued to oblivion”.

Leon shot a quick look at Chris but he shrugged lightly as if saying ‘just go with it’.

Claire continued, “Sara, this is Leon. My best friend”.

Sara smiled, extending her hand. “Nice to finally meet you. Claire talks about you a lot.”

It didn’t take a genius to know what was happening there. Sara was a beautiful woman with light brown skin, sharp hazel eyes and a breathtaking smile. Anyone would be lucky to get to know her better, Leon's sure of it. The only problem was that Claire thought that someone should be him.

Leon shook her hand politely as his friends watched the interaction with baited breaths. “Hopefully nothing too embarrassing”.

“Oh, only the good stories,” Sara replied, easily. “The heroic ones.”

“Claire tends to exaggerate”, Chris tried to come to his rescue as Claire shot him a look.

“She really didn't”, Sara studied him with a pleased smile.

The thing was, Leon had become quite good at the art of flirting in the past few years because it never meant anything to him. It was never taken further or explored because he always had one woman only in his mind, any other woman paled in comparison to Ada.

Even in the times where he was hurt or mad at her, Ada never left the place she carved in his heart.

Now, as Claire unashamedly set him up with someone else, Leon still didn't have it in him to let Ada go.

“Can you two help me to put the presents underneath the tree?” Claire asked directly to Jill and Chris, leaving no room for Leon to excuse himself. “You two can talk, we'll be right back”.

They disappeared out of sight before he could protest, leaving him with his not-date. He's going to have a talk with Claire about boundaries.

“So,” Sara started, not missing a beat. “On a scale from one to ‘Claire set me up,’ how uncomfortable are you right now?”

Leon couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. “That obvious, huh?”

“A little,” she admitted with a small smile. “Don’t worry, I’m not here to ambush you. Claire just… gets ideas.”

“Yeah, that sounds like her," Leon muttered.

The silence that followed was somewhat comfortable since Leon wasn’t interested and even if Sara was before, now that she had a front row seat to the mess that he was, her mind was certainly changed.

“You don’t seem like you want to be here,” Sara gently pointed out.

Leon chuckled at that, “Yeah, I'm still figuring that out”.

Sara nodded like it made perfect sense.

“Well,” she said after a beat, “for what it’s worth, you showed up. That counts for something.”

Across the room, Sherry gave him a thumbs up. He was socializing.

The corner of his mouth lifted slightly. “I guess it does”.

Dinner was pleasant and Leon actually had a good time amongst his friends, even though Claire made sure that Sara sat by his side at the table. Leon didn't mind, she was nice and fun and just the kind of woman he imagined himself marrying before his life changed.

While presents were being exchanged, Leon retreated to the backyard, the quiet and cold night a brief respite from the gift madness inside. Leon did warn Sherry she'd bought too many.

He sipped the non-alcoholic beer which was quite good and stared at the night sky. The stars were few and far in between, so different from the sky he observed a year ago under the blankets of a comfortable balcony oceans away.

Where are you?

The sliding door hissed behind him but Leon didn't turn as if the answers he sought would drop from the sky if he stared at it hard enough. 

The smell of smoke finally pulled him back from his thoughts to reveal Chris leaning against the wall while smoke billowed out of his mouth.

“I didn't know you smoke”, Leon remarked, surprised.

“A recently acquired taste, i guess”, Chris walked to stand beside him in the cold, extending the cigarette to him. “Want some?’”

“No, thanks. I don't need another vice”, Leon shook his half empty bottle and Chris nodded in accordance.

“So, Sara” Chris finally said after a few minutes of silence. 

“Yeah, Claire went a little overboard”, Leon huffed a humorless laugh. “I mean, Sara's nice but -”.

“I know what you mean”, Chris told him when words failed him. “Claire's been trying to set me up with one of her coworkers for weeks now”.

“Really?”

“I'm just grateful he has a family to spend the holidays with”, Chris confided, trying to stifle a smile. “Claire means well. I'm just not ready for that yet”.

That. Chris and him were not exactly close, their friendship started through Claire, she was the one constant that connected them but the parties and occasional birthdays were enough to show him a whole new side of Chris Redfield beyond their encounters through work.

Chris cared a lot. He cared so much about everyone that he'd set himself on fire to keep someone warm and Chis cared a whole lot about Piers, perhaps in an even deeper way Leon imagined.

There's something tired in his friend’s expression, not the kind of exhaustion that came from too many missions or too little sleep but that void that Leon knows all too well.

“Piers?” Chris's jaw tightened at the mention.

The question was an invitation, an olive branch to discuss things left unsaid.

Chris nodded after a while. “I still think about him every day”. Leon handed the rest of the beer to Chris who gladly accepted, taking a swing. “He used to call me out when I got too stubborn”.

“That must’ve been a full time job”, Leon teased.

“Pretty much”, Chris's smile soon faded. “I kept telling myself he was my partner, my responsibility but that wasn’t all he was”.

Chris wasn’t looking at him but at the night sky and Leon understood. Chris was a man of few words when it came to his personal life, he rarely talked about it at all.

“I never told him how I felt”, Chris confided, perhaps for the first time. 

“I'm sorry”. It's all Leon could offer, watching his friend's painful expression reflected back at him.

Chris shrugged, trying to appear unaffected but failing miserably. “I think he knew, deep down”.

“That doesn't make it hurt any less”. Leon thought that was worse. At least in his case, he acted on his feelings even if he fell off the metaphorical horse right after.

“No. It doesn't”, Chris admitted with a sad smirk.

Silence settled between them, the easy kind. They were both hurting, albeit for different circumstances.

 “I told her”, the words blurted out of Leon's mouth and Chris turned to him, stunned. “For the first time in fifteen years, we actually said it”.

Leon didn't need to say her name. Chris was well aware by now as were the rest of his friends.

“And then?”

“It fucked everything after that”, Chris huffed a disbelieving laugh. “She just left”.

“Damn”, Chris said. “But you still love her”.

Even though Chris had every reason to hate Ada and reprimand Leon for his attachment to her, his tone wasn’t accusing. He just waited for an answer they both knew was obvious.

“I do”, Leon said after a while, “does that make me weak?”

“It makes you human”, Chris handed the bottle back. “I mean, shit's fucked. For people in our line of work, it's beyond fucked but we can't let the pain take over. We have to keep going, get up, do our job and let the people who care about us in. That's the only way to stay sane in this world”.

“I guess you're right”, Leon downed the rest of the beer in contemplation. Chris was right, there was still so much to do, so many people that counted on them but in the back of his mind, something still lingered. “Cheers to that”.

Call it a sixth sense or just plain delusion but Leon felt like he was still missing something. The day Ada left and all the days that preceded and then followed, something didn't fit, her behaviour didn't fit.

He breathed deeply, maybe it was just wishful thinking. To find a redeeming aspect in all of this, something to take away his pain. He'd probably never see her again.

The doors slid behind them to reveal Claire, now in the blue sweater Leon helped Sherry pick. “Why are you two brooding in the cold?”

“Discussing guy things like the fact we have a matchmaker little sister in common”, Chris jabbed at her as Claire stood between them, locking each of her arms in theirs.

“I'm sorry about that”, Claire turned to Leon, face redder than her short hair. “I just wanted you to put yourself out there, to give it a chance. Both of you”.

“I think Chris and I are old enough to decide that for ourselves”, Claire nodded in agreement. “Sara's nice. She's just not for me”.

“And I don't want to date some goody two-shoes ‘save the whales' type of guy”, Chris added.

“Mark's not like that”, Claire argued. 

“He literally attended a conference about squirrels last week”, Chris shot back.

“Squirrels are important to the environment! Help me out here, Leon”, Claire looked back to Leon but he couldn't hold his laughter any longer. 

“Sorry. Squirrels?” Chris joined in the laughing session as Claire scowled at them.

“I hate both of you”, she stated before breaking a smile. “You guys are the worst”.

“Yeah, we love you too”, Chris brought her closer to him with a side embrace. “Just stop being nosy”.

“Nosy is kind of her middle name, at this point”, Leon teased.

“Alright, no more setting up from my part. You two can be miserable bachelors forever”, Claire announced.

“Thanks”, Leon and Chris said in unison. 

Despite the harshness and difficulty this life had brought him, Leon loved his friends. Especially Claire, his oldest friend that couldn't be more different from him even if she tried.

He never thought his life would turn out this way but maybe it didn’t have to be so bad. Leon didn't know why he felt this way, this hope suddenly tugging at his heart strings that made him want to wait and see what the future held.

Call it intuition, maybe.

The sound of knocks were a distant echo to Leon's foggy mind, his drunken fit from the night before delaying the obvious conclusion. 

Someone was knocking on his door.

It was annoying, to say the least. After a few hours on a plane back home and just four hours of sleep, the last thing he wanted was to be woken up at 8 A.M by some neighbor, no less.

 What can someone need to be knocking on his door on the 28th? It’s not even January yet.

The knocks kept coming so Leon dragged himself out of bed, his hair sticking out in every direction possible like a bird nest. At least he was dressed in his comfy sweater and pants, the apartment was way too cold.

The knocks grew faster and Leon almost tripped on his blankets on the ground in his effort to get to the door as fast as possible, every knock echoing on his hangover brain like a hammer.

“Just a sec!”, Leon cursed under his breath, picking up an empty beer bottle on the way just in case it was his old but very chatty neighbor, Ms. Khan. Why she would be at his door so early, he had no idea.

It was not Ms. Khan but one of her grandchildren. Is it Kevin? Leon only knew he was thirteen and played baseball.

Leon blinked at him, his eyelids still heavy from sleep. “Uhm, hi?”

“Hi, the lady asked me to keep knocking until you  came to get her”, the kid explained.

Her?

“What?”

“Her”, the kid pointed at the ground and in that moment Leon's brain short circuited.

There was a baby when he looked to the ground. A real baby strapped to a car seat and a big pink bag beside it as the baby slept.

Leon rubbed his eyes in an attempt to make reality go back to the way it was a few seconds ago.

“I have to go now, my gran is waiting”, Kevin's voice came back to his ears but Leon's eyes were locked on the child peacefully sleeping as if Leon's entire world wasn't swinging off its axis.

“Wait, Kevin!” Leon managed to catch up to the kid before he opened the door across the hall. “What did the lady look like? Was she here waiting?”

“She was blonde and wearing big glasses. She was standing right here when I arrived”, the boy shrugged before walking away and closing the door behind him.

Leon's heart was pounding as he looked down at the sleeping baby with chubby cheeks, wearing a pink coat with an adorable fluffy beanie.

It couldn't be. This whole thing was a surreal dream where he'd wake up any second with no child at his doorstep. Leon didn't know how long he stayed in the hallway just staring at the baby but when a door at the end of the hallway opened, he promptly took the baby in the car seat and the bag inside.

The less people who knew, the better.

His hands were shaking as he put the baby down, his legs so weak he sat on the couch and just stared.

This couldn't be happening. 

It had to be a terrible misunderstanding. Someone just dropped their kid at the wrong door, someone he obviously didn't know because any other possibility was ludicrous.

Ada was a very practical, careful person. Even if they were a little careless - a lot actually -, Ada wasn’t. There was no way this kid was hers.

You haven't slept with anyone in ages, his conscience fired back which only made him more sure of his theory. 

Only one way to find out.

Leon grabbed the large pink bag and opened it to discover a lot of clothes, diapers, chewing toys, bottles, formula, baby wipes and a vast array of hygiene products that he dumped on the couch.

A folder fell along with it and Leon knew he'd find answers inside it. The first thing he found was a birth certificate, he inhaled sharply at the words on the page.

Meili Kennedy

Born on October 1st, 2014 at St. Thomas Hospital in London, UK.

Mother: Lily Wren

Father: Leon Scott Kennedy

Leon read three more times to make sure his eyes weren't deceiving him and this wasn't just some prank but her name was there, the fake one. The name she was going to use when they planned to disappear together.

Leon took a deep breath, trying to control the shaking of his hands as he inspected what else was there. Vaccination cards all filled up, a list of brands of baby products and a letter.

Addressed to him. Leon would know that handwriting anywhere.

I guess we did have a bit too much fun, huh?

I'm so sorry for dumping this on you now but you must already hate me by now so what's one more thing in the long list of wrongdoing I have done against you?

I had no intention of ever getting in contact with you again after I left because you deserve so much better than my mess but life had other plans.

I thought about ending it as soon as I found out, who wouldn't? My life isn't fit for a child but I just couldn't. All I could think about was you and that future you'd lay out for us once. That maybe you could still have that, one way or another.

Mei was born in October and I've been dreading the day I'd have to say goodbye to her. A lifetime ago, I thought myself incapable of loving anyone until you proved me wrong and now Mei did the same, she’s the most precious gift you could’ve given me even if it had to be for such a short time.

I know you’ll love and care for her. It’s in your nature to always be your best possible version to someone in need and she’ll need you very much.

Once again, I’m so sorry Leon. I'm sorry I can't be a part of your future; I’m sorry I lied and left; I’m sorry for all the times I left you wandering about my feelings.

I love you and I always will. 

Mei is lucky to have you because I know you’ll be the best father in the world. She deserves someone who can stay and even though I can't, I’ll always be thinking of her and you.

With love, Ada. 

The letter became tear stained as Leon realized he was crying, head hung low as he tried to process everything. 

It was all real.

He had a kid. With Ada and she just left him with it.

Her.

The baby was wide awake now and Leon inhaled sharply. It was like looking at a chubby, cuter version of Ada with her adorable brown eyes and pouty mouth. Leon took the car seat from the ground and deposited her by his side on the couch.

“Hi, baby”, Leon whispered, trying his best not to scare her.

The baby, Mei, just stared at him as if assessing if he was good company or not before smiling. 

“Good first impression, huh?” Mei grabbed one of his fingers and Leon did his best not to cry again. “I'm your dad, baby and we'll take care of each other from now on, alright?”

Mei just kept smiling at him and Leon's heart hurt at the sight. He wasn't supposed to do this alone, Ada was supposed to be here with them which brought him a new headache. 

How could he raise a child with the life he leads? Ada's child, a wanted spy whom his friends had no idea he was secretly dating.

He couldn't raise a child amidst fighting bioterrorism. She'd always be in danger because of him as long as he was tied to this fight.

Leon dialed up Ada's number but none of the calls went through. He knew it wouldn't but the hope to hear her voice again trumped any rational thought he could have in the moment. 

He couldn't tell his friends. At least, not now. He'd been lying to them for years about Ada, there'd be time to prepare them for it so Leon called the only person he knew who was experienced in children and hoped she wouldn't kill him.

“Leon? Why are you up so early? Are you sober?” His cousin jabbed at him but Leon was just relieved she picked up.

“Juli, I really need your help”, that's all he could say. The whole story seemed a bit much to tell through the phone. “Are you home?”

“I'm at the market buying some stuff. Did something bad happen? You sound weird”.

“Something did happen and I need you to come here right now”, Mei chose that moment to start crying out of nowhere.

“Wait, is that a baby crying?”

“That's the something. Can you get here fast, please!?”

“Alright. Give me fifteen minutes”. She hung up and Leon went to tend to Mei.

“Hey, it's ok”, he unclasped her from the car seat, unsure of how to pick up an almost three month old baby. “I'm here”.

His words of affirmation didn't soothe Mei, who kept crying like a siren.

This can't be good for her lungs, it was all he could think about as he kept talking to her in vain hopes she'd see reason and just stop.

It seemed like an eternity before Juli opened the door and if Leon's ears weren't ringing from the cries he'd have laughed at his cousin's shocked face. 

“It's a real baby”, Juli stated, walking to them.

“With real cries that I don't know how to stop!”, he was freaking out as Juli went to Mei, taking her in her arms in the most natural and quickest way possible. 

“Shh, it's ok”, Juli rocked the baby back and forth around the room and little by little, Mei's cries subsided. 

“How did you do that?” Leon whispered, afraid to break the magic spell his cousin performed.

“Some babies just like to keep moving”, Juli looked back at him with an eyebrow raised. “Want to start explaining?”

“It's my kid”.

“Since when?”

“Since today”.

“Oh”, Leon handed her the birth certificate which Juli took while she held Mei with one arm only like it was the easiest thing in the world. “Lily? I thought it'd be-”

“What?” Leon knew what she meant but it was best if she believed Mei was some unknown woman's daughter, for her safety. 

“Nevermind". She handed him the paper back. “Will you keep her?”

“Of course”, the thought of leaving Mei in foster care never even crossed his mind. “I just have no idea what I'm doing which is why I called you”.

“Good call”, Juli gave him a tight lipped smile. “Show me what she has”.

The next thirty minutes were spent making a list of everything she'd need, from clothes to furniture to baby formula. The list Ada sent him was also very helpful since those were the brands Mei used and therefore, were safe for her.

“Ok, she has the essentials for now. Our next steps are buying her clothes, I have some from Bella's baby days I can bring over, then make a stock of diapers and formula, decorate her room and babyproof this apartment”, Juli listed while she held Mei with the ease only a seasoned mother could have.

“Babyproof?” That's the part Leon's brain managed to hang on to.

“Softening hard edges like counters, covering sockets, the kind of thing that's dangerous to crawling babies”, Juli explained but Leon's mind was already spinning with all the injury possibilities. “But we have plenty of time for that. It'll be a little while until she's fully crawling”.

A child crawling all over his apartment. His child, that was his sole responsibility. Him, who couldn't even take care of himself these days.

Oh god.

“I c-can't be a parent!”, the desperate words rushed out from his lips. “I can't even take care of myself on a good day. How can I be someone’s dad? I’ll be terrible at it!”.

Leon exhaled deeply, trying to control his breathing as Juli just stared at him.

“Oh, Leon. Just breathe a little, calm down”, Julie sat by his side again. “Open your arms”, she instructed.

“For what?”

“I want you to hold her”.

“I can't,  I'll drop-”

“You won't drop her because I'm teaching you how. Just relax”, Juli's voice was steady enough to pass some of the calm Leon wasn’t feeling as she supported Mei's head and body, angling Leon's hands to take her place. “Always support the baby's head. At this age, they’re way too soft and lack the strength to support their own neck. Now, pass the hand that's supporting her head under her body and let her head rest against your arm”.

Leon was shaking a little as Juli helped his position but when it was done and Mei lifted one of her tiny little arms to clutch the air, Leon returned to breath properly. 

“See? Everything requires practice”  his cousin's voice came in and Leon looked back at her to see Juli proudly smiling at him. “I was a mess as a first time mom but I learned and you will too, Leon. I know you’ll be a great parent because you're a great man. You just have a learning curve to adjust to”.

“What if I fuck up?”

“You will. A lot”, Leon stared bug eyed at his cousin as Juli added, “Every parent makes mistakes. It’s normal and you won't be alone, ok? I’ll teach you everything I know”.

“I don't know how to thank you”, Juli chuckled at that but it was true. Leon wouldn't know what he would've done if she still lived in Italy.

“Being a good student is enough for me which brings us to my first advice”, Juli sat straight, her expression turning serious. “The drinking has got to stop”.

Leon’s heart fell to the pit of his stomach. He looked back at Mei, her tiny hands now wrapped around his little finger and nodded.

He needed to do better, to be better for her.

For his daughter.

“I agree”, he mumbled, trying his hardest to keep the tears at bay. “Can you clean out the kitchen? Throw out all the alcohol you find? I don't know if I can..”

Leon never thought of himself as an addict but his inability to complete that sentence was proof enough he'd gone too far in his bottomless grief. He’d allowed all the horror and pain to control his life and the only way he felt an ounce of control back was at the end of a bottle. He’d lost himself and pushed back against everyone who tried to help but he was ready to let go now. 

When he faced his cousin, he could see her tear stained face but she looked relieved at his request. “Of course. I’ll also make a bottle for our little princess here, she’ll be hungry soon enough”.

“How do you know that?”

“Psychic parent powers, you’ll get there soon enough”, Juli teased before disappearing to the kitchen. 

“I guess it's you and me huh, kid?” Leon gently touched Mei's black mop of hair. His next words were more like whispers. “Don't mention it to Aunt Juli but you look just like your mom”.

Her little nose and mouth was all Ada. Leon could easily imagine baby Ada now, alone and unwanted, desperate to have a home.

The terrifying realization that such a tiny, vulnerable person depended on him now had faded a little, leaving only amazement that this was really happening.

Mei blinked up at him with wide brown eyes, sucking absentmindedly on her sleeve while Leon was afraid to move too much and startle her.

“She’s not made of glass, you know,” Juli's voice came up behind him.

“I don't want her to cry”, Leon muttered, staring down at Mei like she might spontaneously combust if he moved a muscle.

“You better get used to it because she'll do it a lot”, Juli finally sat back on the couch with the bottle ready. “Second lesson: babies eat every three to four hours at this age, so always be prepared”.

Leon nodded, committing to memory every word as if he was receiving mission intel. “Now pay attention, you never feed a baby flat on their back.”

“That's important, I take it?”

“Very. She could choke”, Juli replied, her lips forming a thin line of seriousness.

New fear unlocked.

Juli gently adjusted Leon’s posture, helping angle Mei slightly upright against his chest. 

“Support her neck here,” she instructed, guiding his hand. “Good, now tilt the bottle just enough so the nipple stays full of milk. That helps prevent her from swallowing too much air.”

Leon obeyed, watching Mei latch onto the bottle immediately.

“Oh,” Leon breathed, visibly relieved. “That’s good, right?”

“That’s very good,” Juli assured him. “Hungry babies are usually louder about it.”

Almost on cue, Mei made a small snuffling sound, hands curling against Leon’s sweater while she drank.

Leon stared at her in amazement. “She’s so tiny.”

“Three months is a fun age”, Juli smiles, probably remembering her own kids when they were little. “They start smiling more, recognizing faces, sleeping a little better if you’re lucky.”

“If?”

Juli chuckled, “Leon, babies are chaos.”

“You’re telling me this now?” He was certain he appeared horrified but he was not sure he'd be strong enough to not cry when Mei woke up crying in the middle of the night one day. He was not equipped to deal with his kid feeling any kind of pain yet.

“I’m easing you into reality.” Juli said with a tight lipped smile.

Mei kept drinking quietly, completely unaware that her father was in the middle of an existential crisis. Leon looked down at her little face again.

Ada.

Ada carried her alone. The thought hit him so suddenly his chest ached.

She went through pregnancy and childbirth alone. Sleepless nights and fevers and crying and fear. All alone.

“She must’ve been terrified,” he said, quietly.

Juli’s expression softened immediately. “The mother?” Leon nodded. “She probably was. Most first time moms are, even with support.”

He should've been there. The guilt of not knowing ate away at him, even though he knew that was her call to make, Leon would've given everything to have been there, to experience this part of their lives together. 

He sighed heavily. Just another piece of their relationship that was taken away from them.

“She should’ve told me,” he whispered before he could stop himself.

Juli was smart enough not to pry, she knew Leon was a closed book. Instead, she reached over and lightly squeezed his shoulder. “She trusted you with Mei,” she said. “That means something”.

Leon looked back at the baby in his arms.

Their daughter. The words still felt unreal.

Mei finished the bottle a few moments later, little mouth loosening around the nipple.

“Okay,” Juli clapped her hands softly. “Next lesson: burping.”

Leon blinked. “Burping?”

“She swallowed air while eating. If you don’t burp her, she’ll get gassy and miserable”.

"You just said she wouldn't if I did it right!", Leon panicked.

"I said she wouldn't swallow too much", Juli corrected.

"Now put her against your shoulder like this". Juli stood, getting Mei's fluffy pink blanket for her next demonstration. “ One hand supporting her bottom, the other supporting her neck and upper back.”

Leon copied the position, carefully settling Mei against him.

“Now gently pat her back”, Juli instructed.

Leon followed the order, lightly touching the baby's back. Very lightly.

Juli watched for about five seconds before snorting. “She's a baby, not a bomb”.

“I'm trying not to hurt her!” He whispered,  patting her back more firmly as a surprisingly loud burp escaped from Mei a few seconds later.

Leon turned his shocked face to his cousin, who was just laughing at him.

“She’s so small,” Leon started, “How does she make sounds like that?”

Juli shrugged. “You'll get used to it”.

“This is insane.”

“This is parenting.” Juli took the empty bottle and headed back toward the kitchen sink. “Another important thing,” she called through the open door. “Babies this age still need a lot of sleep. Usually fourteen to seventeen hours total throughout the day.”

“That sounds nice.” Leon could certainly use the sleep too.

Juli came up behind him to play with Mei. “You say that now until she decides two in the morning is party time.”

Leon groaned in defeat. “Please, say you're joking”.

“I wish”, Juli grimaced in solidarity. “But it gets better once you establish a routine, babies slowly learn the difference between day and night.”

“What about fevers?” he asked immediately, trying to retain every bit of information. “Or if she stops breathing? Or chokes or-”

“Leon”, Juli held him by his shoulders. “You've been her father for almost three hours now. You don’t need to become perfect today.”

Three hours? Leon looked at the clock mounted on the wall to confirm that it was only 11 a.m of that same day. It felt like he’d lived thirty lives since he found her at his doorstep that morning. 

“I get why parents look exhausted all the time now”, he quipped, feeling Mei shift slightly against his shoulder, tiny fingers grabbing weakly at his shirt.

Leon looked down to look into her big brown eyes. “What is it, baby?”

“I think she likes your voice”, Juli remarked.

“Good ‘cause we'll be spending a lot of time together”, Leon gently kissed the top of her head, that all consuming feeling of love and protection taking hold on him.

“In that case I'll go back home to see the kids and explain to my husband why my cousin had a breakdown”, Juli started to gather her things. 

“You're leaving me alone?” Leon sounded terrified at the mere thought of exercising fatherhood without backup.

“I won’t be long”, she reassured him. “I also have a few clothes from Bella's baby days and her bathtub that I can bring over. It's not much but it will do until we go shopping”.

“We could go with you”, Leon pleaded, a little desperate.

“Based on the bottle you gave her, she'll sleep soon, just put her against your chest like before and rock back and forth. That tends to do the trick”.

“Alright. I'll try”, Leon said but his words didn't convince even himself, let alone his cousin but he knew he couldn't keep her forever. She also had children to care for. 

“You're doing great. I promise I won’t be long”, Juli said while walking to the door. “If anything bad happens while I’m out, don’t freak out. Just call me”.

Don't freak out, Leon repeated to himself over and over again as soon as Juli closed the door, leaving him truly alone with his newfound daughter.

Leon adjusted her position in his arms like Juli said, taking a stroll around the apartment. “I know I don't seem much but I have some fatherly experience”, Leon reassured her and himself. “Sherry wasn’t tiny like you but I think I did ok as a first try”.

Except Leon wasn’t Sherry's full time guardian, he reminded himself. He was there for her, along with Claire, but he mostly participated in the good times. It helped that Sherry was an understanding child that didn’t care that her primary guardians were two traumatized twenty somethings, she was just happy to see them when the State allowed.

Raising and educating a child from scratch was a daunting task for two people, let alone a single person. Leon had no idea how he was going to do this.

Leon kept pacing around the apartment, telling Mei all about his training days in hopes she'd get bored by his voice and fall asleep. His plan worked out half an hour later but it took him another ten minutes just to lay her on the couch with her fluffy blanket, a mountain of cushions on each side in case she rolled over. 

Leon finally sat down on the ground, back against the couch and sighed, heavily. That was the moment where he'd get up and get his strongest whiskey from the kitchen, the desire to get up and do just that was so strong he could even imagine that familiar taste but he didn't. 

Juli emptied everything on the sink and Leon would stand by his promise. He wanted to be someone his kid would be proud of.

Clearing his mind, Leon checked his phone. In hopes of what, he didn't know but her name was certainly not there. His friends were though, with Sherry sending a picture of her with Claire and Jill ice skating in San Francisco.

His chat with Hunnigan had been quiet since Christmas when he asked how Helena was doing. After seeing his friends over holiday, he missed Helena the most, he needed to apologize to her as soon as she and Hunnigan came back to work. 

If he were to tell someone about Mei, Leon thought Helena would be the most understanding. She had a front row seat to his relationship with Ada and knew what she meant to him. 

He scrolled through the contact list yet again, stopping at her number and hovering there. She wouldn't answer, Ada probably tossed her cellphone across the ocean just to not have to deal with him. It wouldn't be different from all the other times he tried her number, one of those times being this morning, but he called anyway.

After a few agonizing seconds of hope, the call went to voicemail but Leon stayed on the line.

“Hey, I know you’ll probably never hear this but I need to vent so what better way than to not speak to the mother of my child that's avoiding me”, he started with a humorless laugh. “She’s fine, by the way, our child. The one I had no fucking idea until this morning. I just don't get it. I thought I did, I thought we had agreed to stay and fight for the future you just left on my doorstep today, a future we could build together with her”, Leon sighed, closing his eyes for a moment to imagine Ada listening on the other end of the line. “I guess I wanted more than you did or maybe I’m wrong and you have your reasons but I’m tired, Ada. I’m tired of living through this game of cat and mouse we’ve been playing forever and with Mei now… I don't know. My friends think I should move on and they're probably right but this isn’t about just me and you anymore. Mei needs you. You’re her mother, you can't just disappear like that”.

Mei stirred on the couch but didn't wake up.

“Anyway, if you could just come here and make me understand what's going on, I’d appreciate it but you won't get this, so I guess this is it”, Leon’s thumb hovered over the end call button but he couldn't. Not yet. “Sixteen years and this is how it ends, over a voicemail”.

Leon ended the call before he could embarrass himself further, resting his head against the couch his daughter was sleeping on.

Something was tapping lightly against his foot when he opened his eyes again, eyelids heavy with the need to sleep. 

He did his best to focus until Juli's face came into view, Leon jolted awake, turning his neck so fast to see if Mei was still asleep, he heard something crack. “How long was I out?”

“Not long, maybe ten minutes. You're lucky she’s a heavy sleeper”, Juli handed him a container and cutlery.  “Marti made lasagna for the kids. Enjoy”.

“Thanks. What did you tell him?”

Juli sat on the chair while Leon served himself. 

“The truth. What was I supposed to say?”, Juli shrugged as if it was obvious. “He sends good luck, by the way”.

“You're right, he’s your husband. He should know”, Leon rationalized but he can see his cousin looking at him weird. “What?”

“You’re not going to tell your friends? Don’t you want to keep her?”

“Of course I do but I’m not sure about telling people”, Leon ate some more before continuing, “It might be dangerous”.

“How so?”

“My job puts me at risk constantly. You remember what happened to the President and what happened earlier this year in New York. I'm already a target by myself, I don't want to put a target on a baby just because she’s mine”. 

And Ada’s, that's the part Leon didn't say outloud because if he showed up with a baby, people would know and they’d ask questions and poke around and if this information fell in the wrong hands… Not even his own government was trustworthy, Simmons was a part of it and God knows who else they didn't know about. 

“So what? You're going to keep her hidden? How will that work?”

“Still figuring that out”, Leon hummed at the last bites of lasagna. “Marti outdid himself”.

Mei broke the peace with her cries, finally waking up from her nap.

“Look who's up”, Juli went to take her, nose scrunching when she checked the baby's diaper. 

“Please, don't say what you're about to say”, Leon pleaded but he’d already accepted his fate.

“Count your blessings that she did this now, instead of in the store”.

“Store?”

“Our next stop to get everything she doesn’t have yet”, Juli explained, motioning for Leon to follow her to the bedroom. “But first, diaper duty and baby's first bath”.

“Not in the shower, right?”

“No, I brought Bella's old bathtub”, Juli looked at him like he was crazy for even suggesting that.

Despite being terrified, it didn’t end up being that bad with Juli's instructions and her patience that was akin to a saint. Leon was almost proud of himself.

“The diaper didn’t even smell bad”, he noted after Mei was fresh from the bath, wearing the cutest light blue onesie he'd ever seen.

“That's because she doesn’t eat proper food yet. Give it a few months and you'll regret saying this”, Juli warned, putting layer upon layer of clothes on Mei. “What do you think?”

“She looks like a little penguin. Is that really necessary?”

“Babies feel way more cold than us and it’s already pretty cold out there”, Juli held white and blue beanies up. “Which one?”

“White one, it’ll match the coat”, Leon decided.

Juli put the beanie on Mei, the color contrasting against her rosy cheeks. “Alright, dad. Here’s your baby”.

Leon took Mei into his arms. “You're the cutest baby ever”.

Mei smiled at him and everything inside of him just melted. “Do we really have to go?”

“If you want your kid to sleep in a crib, we have to”, Juli said, zipping Mei‘s emergency bag. “It'll be fun, I promise”.

It was not fun.

In fact, it was downright impossible to get everything on Juli's list without people ogling him up and down as he pushed the shopping cart with Mei strapped in the baby seat.

Leon couldn't, for the life of him, understand what the fuss was all about. 

“People love to see a man caring for his child”, Juli explained as she threw at least four different baby chewing toys. “Especially women”.

“They love men for doing the bare minimum?” The thought of doing anything less than the best for your kid was incomprehensible to Leon.

“Welcome to motherhood”, Juli said with a smirk. “Since you're a single parent, you're practically one of us”.

“I'm honored”, Leon quipped back.

Meanwhile, Mei was having the time of her life, wrapped in layers upon layers of winter clothes until she resembled a particularly round penguin, she stared at the world with wide brown eyes, occasionally kicking her tiny feet whenever something catched her attention. The white beanie Leon had picked out was slightly crooked on her head and every time he looked at her, something warm settled in his chest.

That was his daughter. 

The thought still felt unreal. Twelve hours ago he'd been a lonely government agent nursing a hangover and wondering how he was supposed to survive another year. Now, he was cruising a department store picking out toys and cribs and everything a child needed.

But she also needed her mother and while his cousin had stepped up to help him, it'd never be the same thing.

Leon sighed, looking down at Mei, her tiny but strong fingers trying to pull the strap of the seat.

Ada should have been here for this.

She should be walking beside him making sarcastic comments about his complete lack of baby knowledge, arguing over clothes and making fun of the ridiculous prices that he knew she'd pay for without batting an eye. She should be the one picking out toys and telling him which brands were worth buying.

Instead, there was an empty space beside him that no amount of pretending could fill.

Leon forced the thought away, he needed to focus on his kid. Once that was settled, he could despair at being a single parent.

Apparently, babies required an alarming amount of furniture.

"Crib," Juli consulted her clipboard. "Changing table, dresser, rocking chair."

"A rocking chair?"

Juli lifted an eyebrow. “You'll need it. Trust me."

"You keep saying that”

"And I keep being right”, Leon shut up then. Unfortunately, Juli had always been right. 

By the time they reached the nursery section, he was carrying enough shopping bags to qualify as a pack mule. The cart was full of clothes, toys and random decoration for his daughter's room that Juli swore she'd need but Leon was pretty sure she was picking just because of beauty instead of functionality.

He didn't mind one bit. His cousin was helping a lot in making his newfound fatherhood smoother than it'd be if she wasn’t around, he just hated the random people ogling him for no reason. 

“I had no idea babies were that expensive”, Leon confided, looking at the full cart. “Tell me why she needs twelve blankets?”

"You sound like Marti when Luca was born”.

“I finally understand him”. He complained with an amused smile.

The next twenty minutes were spent debating crib designs. Leon wasn’t aware people had strong opinions about cribs but Juli and the salesman got into a heated debate about rails.

Leon stood by the side with Mei, taking her into his arms while they waited for Juli to find the best crib.

“Aunt Juli is a shopaholic”, Leon said as Mei took a handful of his jacket. “But your room will be really pretty, huh?”

“Excuse me”, a woman approached him. Blonde hair and green eyes with a lovely smile and possibly about his age. She looked straight at Mei. “Your daughter is adorable”.

“Oh”, Leon relaxed, at that. He could talk about his kid forever. “Thank you”.

The woman smiled a lot at him but she was interested in Mei so he didn't mind. “How old is she?”

“She'll be three months old on January 1st”, and he’d take a lot of pictures to mark the occasion, he reminded himself. “Isn't that right, kid?”

Mei just smiled at him and when Leon looked back at the woman in front of him, she was staring at him with stars in her eyes.

“You're a wonderful father”, the woman breathed heavily and only then Leon was sure he was being flirted with.

“I'm pretty new at this actually”, he tried his best to leave the situation but the woman seemed intent on talking to him. He could see his cousin holding her laughter in the background.

“Could've fooled me”, the blonde woman said before Juli took pity on him, coming to his rescue.

“I found the perfect crib”, Juli stood by his side before looking back at the woman, who looked uncomfortable all of sudden. “Can I help you?”

“Sorry, I was just telling your husband how adorable your daughter is”, Leon did his best impression of a smile to not gag at the assumption that he was married to his cousin. “Have a good day”.

“Bye!” Juli waited until the woman was out of sight to bend down to laugh. “Oh my God! You're like a woman magnet with a baby!”

“That's not true”, he tried to convince himself more than her but his experience in the store proved otherwise.

“That woman shamelessly flirted with you. It's the baby effect, I'm telling you”, Juli insisted.

“Alright. Did you get the crib, at least?”

“I did. We just need to cross five more things for today and we're set”.

“For today?” He groaned like a spoiled child.

Juli shrugged. “Babies are expensive. Follow me, my young apprentice”.

Leon sighed. This was going to be a long day.

Ada was sure she was past feeling anything. Grief was like a tidal wave, drowning every other emotion besides the searing pain of leaving her child behind. Her baby. Her Meili.

It's for the best, she told herself over and over until it got hard to breath and she had to stop mid escape from Leon's apartment to clutch at the nearest wall and try to focus.

Breathe in, breathe out. 

Mercenaries don't have happy endings. The moment she accepted Mei was a reality, Ada knew how it had to end but for a fraction of time, Mei was wanted and loved and hers.

“She looks just like you, Ms. Lily”, her governess, Melina, said with a proud smile on her face. 

She was the only one Ada could trust with this secret as she'd proven her worth after years of working for Mr. Yen and then for her. Melina knew enough about their way of life to know to focus on her job and not to ask many questions, a task she always excelled at.

At that moment, exhausted after giving birth, Melina's hand stroking her hair was the closest Ada felt to motherly affection.

“I can see him in her too”, Melina pointed out. “Especially the chin and the ears”.

“Yeah”, Ada's heart tightened at the sight. The baby had Leon's face shape with her features, a perfect blend of the two of them. “My beautiful Meili”.

Ever since she was a child, holding onto a name that evoked sadness, she'd always loved that name. It was all about beauty, grace and love, everything a parent should wish for their child.

Ada only wished she could provide more than that.

The Organization was quiet as of late, to her luck. Ada had managed to keep working until the six months mark with Irina guiding her in her last job, none the wiser to her predicament.

After that last work, just a simple Intel extraction from a rival company, Irina went radio silence and Ada shifted her focus back to the imminent birth of her daughter, which included flying her governess from Greece to London to assist her in the last months.

To that day, Ada didn't have a definitive answer as to why she didn't terminate the pregnancy right away, as that would've been the sensible choice. A child born in secrecy to a mercenary and an American agent had no place in such a dangerous world but maybe…

Maybe Ada always wanted a family. 

Not on the surface, though. The heartless mercenary she attempted to become so many times only to have her plans thwarted by the heart and conscience she tried so hard to bury had always been a front and when Ada held Mei for the first time she knew why.

The orphan that still lived within her, marked by fear and violence, craved connection still. Someone she could belong with.

Her newly realized feelings were at odds with the path she took when she left Leon, even if it was to protect him.

Looking at their child for the first time, Ada wanted nothing more than Leon by her side. She was sure he would be the best father ever, ready to spoil their little girl every second of her life. The vision was so clear she could almost see it, he'd panic with her but also make the worst dad jokes he knew because he was allowed to make them now.

Ada cried a lot in the first few days back from the hospital, from little things like when she forgot to put socks on Mei's feet or the bigger things like learning how to feed her own child without suffocating her. 

To her despair, Mei was a crier at night, which in turn reduced Ada herself to tears. Melina was a calming presence through it all. Her governess had three adult sons, she had enough experience and knowledge in being a mother that Ada hoped she’d absorb something of her teachings.

It was borrowed time, though. Every day spent in London learning how to be a mother, every  second she watched in awe when Mei did anything, that was all under a time limit. The Organization would soon call again and when they did, Ada would’ve to leave Mei behind.

Ada put those thoughts in a box and focused on the time she could have with her daughter, everything after that was a problem for her future self.

Practice turned out to be the answer to everything. Mei's first diaper change was a daunting task that took nearly twenty minutes for Ada to master, per Melina's instructions. The second took fifteen and by the end of the month, Ada could change a diaper in under a minute while carrying on a conversation.

She learned how warm milk should be and that babies' nails grow really fast no matter how often you cut it.

Most of all, she learned about Mei. By six weeks old, Ada could distinguish every cry of hunger, tiredness, dirty diaper or loneliness. That last one always hurt the most because it usually happened when Ada laid her down.

Mei simply wanted to be held. Ada understood that feeling very well.

Sometimes, when Mei fell asleep on her, Ada would just stare at her baby, in awe of the simple trust given to her without knowing any better. Mei's mouth was slightly open as she slept, tiny strands of black hair curled against her forehead.

Leon would have adored this, the thought arrived uninvited. Instead, he knew nothing and probably cursed Ada for ever crossing his path.

No, Leon's too kind for that, her most hopeful inner voice whispered back. He could be hurting but Leon could never be cruel, it wasn't in his nature.

Ada closed her eyes, inhaling Mei's scent.

“I'm sorry”, she whispers in the dark room. 

The apology was for both of them.

The Organization remained silent.

First weeks and then two whole months without contact, assignments or instructions and that terrified Ada more than any threat because, eventually, the call would come.

Every morning she checked secure channels expecting to see Irina's name. Every morning she found nothing. Every morning relief mixed with dread and the certainty that her time with Mei was ending.

The call finally came on Christmas day, while Ada was taking pictures of Mei in her red onesie full of raindeers. The phone vibrated once but Ada knew before she even answered, her stomach dropping at the sound of Irina’s voice

"Ada, you've been quiet as of late”, Ada could hear the amusement in the woman's voice. 

“I could say the same about you”, Ada jabbed back, closing the door on Mei, resting inside her crib. 

“I'm afraid your vacation is over, my dear. You'll receive your intel shortly but you'll have some time to do it. It is Christmas, after all”.

“I never took you for a holiday person, Irina”.

“Oh I'm not but you have kept your part of our deal flawlessly this past year”,  Irina explained. Ada raised an eyebrow in deep thought, she could use that. “Happy associates, better business”.

The fact she'd threatened Ada to keep her as an associate went unsaid. Irina’s future was written in red ink and no matter how long it'd take for that to happen, nothing would change that.

“Understood”, Ada finally answered, refusing to be pleasant. “I'll see what I can do”.

After the phone call ended, Ada leaned against the wall and just breathed. This was it.

The dreadful end date of her time with Meili.

Ada always knew that staying with Mei was an impossibility and she thought she was ready for the moment she would've to give her up but the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach and the shaking of her hands signaled otherwise.

Going back to her room, Mei was still wide awake, playing with her shark chewing toy. She was five days away from turning three months old and Ada wouldn't be there to see it.

But Leon would. 

Ada took Mei into her arms, trying to commit to memory the scent of her flowery shampoo, the shape of her brown eyes, or the little dimples when she smiled.

“You're going to meet your daddy, MeiMei”, the baby looked at her attentively as Ada's thumb stroked her cheek. “And he's the best, you'll love him so much”.

Mei managed to hold one of Ada's fingers in a strong grip and Ada felt her throat dry and close, tears forming at the corners of her eyes.

“He'll love you just as much and I'm sure he'll be the best dad ever, he's the kindest man I've ever known”, she cleaned the tears off of her eyes before continuing, “and even though I won’t be there to see you grow, I'll always love you”.

Ada held Mei and just cried until she was tired of it. That was how Melina found her when she came back with groceries, Ada curled in bed with Mei. The woman didn't say anything, just stared at Ada and nodded, the day Ada had warned her about had come. They needed to prepare everything for their departure.

Two days were enough to pack Mei's essentials and a small bag for Ada while Melina handled the packing of Mei's furniture and her belongings to go back to Greece.

“Thank you for everything”, Ada said at their last moments at the airport. “I don't know what I would've done without you”.

Melina just smiled. “I'm glad to be of service, miss. To you and your daughter”, she looks to Mei, “Goodbye, little miss”.

The trip to Washington was tense as if the clock was speeding on purpose, making Ada lose precious time with her daughter. After settling down in a hotel, Ada disguised herself as best as she could with a blonde wig and big glasses, gathered Mei's belongings and headed for their final destination without thinking too much. If she did, she would give up and Ada would not doom her daughter to live her life always looking behind her shoulder.

Every step felt heavier than the last as she carried Mei in the car seat, her pink bag dangling over her shoulder. Dread filled her when she arrived at his door on the fourth floor, this was worse than all the pain, lies and betrayal suffered and inflicted by her but she had to do it.

She dropped the bag on the ground and laid Mei beside it, adjusting her pink blanket in the car seat. Ada was thankful Mei was a heavy sleeper in that moment, she wouldn't bear to look into her eyes one last time without sobbing. 

“I'm so sorry”, she whispered to her baby before knocking.

One, two, three times over and over again. For one impossible second, Ada contemplated just waiting there until Leon answered.

To stay.

No. She couldn't do this to him again. He deserved better than her mess and Mei would be that for him. They'll take care of each other while she'll look out for them the only way she could. From afar.

A boy, no older than thirteen came walking down the hallway to stand near the door on the other side, checking his phone while giving her a sideways glance.

“Hi, can you keep knocking on his door? I brought his kid over and I need to get going”, Ada did her best to not let her voice falter. “Just keep knocking until he opens, please”.

“Sure”, the boy shrugged.

“Thank you”, Ada turned back to Mei one last time. Goodbye, she thought but didn't say it, forcing herself to walk away from her daughter.

When she turned the corner, the door opened and the sound of Leon's voice was like sharp daggers slicing at her heart.

Ada pressed a hand over her mouth to keep from making a sound. Then she kept moving, by the time she reached the car, she could hear nothing except her own ragged breathing.

It was done. Meili was Leon's now and they would take care of each other while Ada would go on, trying to survive an existence without them. The next step was to hop on a plane back to Europe to start her new assignment as fast as possible.

Except, she didn't. 

Ada couldn't move. The pain ached like an infected wound and the regret hit her as soon as she turned her back on Mei. 

How could she do this?

Fatherhood was all about practice and Leon was getting the hang of it. With Juli's help, Mei now had a fully functional room at her disposal, filled with enough clothes and toys for three kids which, to Leon, was a little excessive. His first New Year’s Eve with his daughter was spent at Juli’s house, Marti and the kids got to know the new addition to the extended family and Leon was glad to not see his apartment walls for a change.

He’s so glad Sherry pressured him to attend Christmas because if he didn't, he would've to go back to work in five days and Leon had no idea what he’d do about Mei in the meantime. 

He had until the end of January to figure it out. Making it known that Mei was his child was out of the equation for now since Leon didn't trust the new government like he trusted President Benford, the fear that Mei could be linked to the bioterrorist Ada Wong - the one lie Simmons told that stuck amongst the new administration - was enough to make Leon pause. 

Leon could cover her medical needs with private doctors that only required money and discretion but Mei would have to go to school one day. Leon couldn't hide her from the world.

Or his friends, he added. 

Sherry was in vacation with Jake, not that she told Leon that but the blushing of her cheeks when she told him she was going to Bali was enough of an answer; Helena was still away and not talking to him; Hunnigan was going to change stations as soon as she returned; Claire lived in another state so she wasn’t as present to meddle in his life.

For the moment, Leon focused on learning how to be father and mother, it was a daunting task trying to be everything his little girl needed but with Juli's help, he was getting there. His cousin had stayed the night in his apartment that whole week until New Year’s Eve, to ease Leon's concern of Mei dying while he slept.

Luckily, Mei rarely woke up at night and Leon learned that as long as all the lights were off, the girl slept the solid twelve hours she needed, he'd only wake up three times at night now to know if she was okay.

Mei was the cutest baby with her chubby cheeks and big brown eyes and Leon made it his mission to photograph her every time she did something or had a new outfit on.

He took the pictures and sent them to Ada.

Not that he expected her to answer but the thread of pictures of Mei was his last attempt at reaching her. Mei was her child as well and, despite leaving her at his doorstep, Leon thought she'd like to know what was happening in her life.

It also made him feel less alone but that was beside the point.

Baby's first cosplay, was the text attached to the photo of Mei wearing a fluffy chewbacca onesie, complete with a little hoodie. Leon had picked the outfit himself and Mei looked way too cute in it.

The thread continued into the middle of January when Leon started to notice some things. The rocking chair tilted an inch to the left; a teddy bear out of place; the faint scratching marks on the windowsill.

Fatherhood had introduced a new kind of tiredness into his life, one that settled into the bones and lingered there so he blamed his paranoia in his newfound exhaustion.

Deep down, he knew what was happening or who.

Sixteen years of longing and yearning had made Leon attuned to Ada's style of handling things, she always had a flair for the dramatic. So Leon waited and planned, laying awake most nights, waiting for any sound at all to confirm his suspicions.

On a cold night of January, 2015, Leon saw her again.

Ada didn't flinch when he opened the door of Mei's room as if she was expecting him. She just stood there, one hand inside the crib, touching Mei's face with a sad smile.

It had been a year but she looked paler and thinner with dark circles under her eyes that glistened in the low light as if the time apart had taken its toll on her like it did on him.

Leon didn't dare to hope.

She was there. She was real.

“You got my messages?” Leon asked from the door, so afraid she'd disappear if he moved closer.

Ada turned her dark, haunted eyes to him. “I did. I'm weaker than I thought I was. My benefactor always told me sentimentalism would be my ruin”. Ada turned back to Mei, now awake in her crib, smiling back at her mother, hands wiggling back and forth. “I thought that protecting you from afar was enough, that leaving her behind was the right thing to do because you don’t deserve to deal with my mess but I just couldn't”.

Leon finally walked further into the room, standing by her side at the crib.

“Is that why you left?” He almost whispered, so afraid to break that fragile moment.

Ada nodded, a single tear escaping her right eye.

“I promised myself I'd always protect you even if the cost was us”.

“What are you saying?”

“The Organization I used to work for, they know about you and me”, Leon's blood ran cold at her words. “They would bury the evidence if I came back to work for them”.

The puzzling pieces of Ada's departure were starting to make sense. Of course she'd do this, Leon thought. She had been saving him since they met.

“Why didn't you tell me anything? We could've-”

“They're dangerous, Leon! One more day and your betrayal would've landed in the FBI, I couldn't risk it”, Mei interrupted Ada with her cries but in a second, Ada rushed and scooped Mei up with practiced ease, her face had pain etched all over it as she kissed the baby's temple. “It's okay, MeiMei, mom is here”.

Those words were enough to extinguish any lingering anger Leon felt towards Ada's actions from the past year. She was there holding Mei like a lifeboat as she paced around the room. Mei had stopped crying, resting her head on her mother's shoulder.

Ada was there with them but she still felt so distant. All Leon wanted was to reach out and touch her.

“I couldn't risk anyone knowing about her in case they find out. I understand if you hate me but I had to protect both of you”. Ada's eyes were watered, she was doing her hardest to keep the tears at bay.

That was the real Ada. A lonely orphan thrust into an unkind world, made into a weapon for other people's gain, locked into a life she couldn’t get out of.

He loved her still. He'd always love her. 

Leon shook his head in disbelief. “You think I care so little for you that lying to me would make a difference? That I would just forget about you?”

Ada furrowed her brows in confusion. “But you deserve better”.

“Is that how you see yourself?” Leon shook his head, a humorless laugh leaving his lips. “As a thing to be used and then disposed of?”

“I know how my story ends and I'm trying to change yours for the better. Why can't you see that?”

“Love is not conditional, Ada. You can't just decide we’re better off without you because we’re not! Your daughter loves you! I love you!”

“You shouldn't”, Ada finally cracked, the tears flowing through her beautiful face. “All I do is hurt you”.

“You did hurt me. A lot”, Leon added to Ada's dismay. “But I'm still standing here, asking you to stay because this little girl right here deserves to have parents that will stay for her”.

The silence stretched for seconds that felt like hours, Ada holding Mei like a lifeline.

Their love was a double edged dagger, cutting them both deep for so many years. It was time to face up to it and start to heal.

“What do you say, Ada?” Leon extended the metaphorical olive branch, walking towards her until he was within reaching distance from her.

Ada nodded slowly, unable to speak as the tears fell. Without thinking, Leon's hand went to her face, cleaning the tears away. 

She leaned into the touch. “I'm so sorry”.

“I know”, Leon whispered, carefully putting his arms around Ada and Mei. “We'll figure it out”.

It felt like a dream, holding both of them in his home like a true family, finally.

Leon kept himself from crying as well, he needed to be strong in that moment so Ada could let go and be fragile for, perhaps, the first time since she signed her life away.

“I think this is way past Mei's bedtime”, Leon broke the silence with a joke, his specialty to lighten the mood.

Ada stopped crying to chuckle. “Are you trying to make me laugh?”

“Is it working?”

Ada responded by kissing him lightly on the lips, a simple touch that traveled through Leon's body as if he'd touched a livewire. 

“It is”, Ada said with a little smile. “Thank you. I just think I need to hold her a little longer though”.

“I get it”, he reassured her. “Meet me in the living room when you're ready”.

So much had happened between them. All the love, pain and anger endured in the past year had to be dealt with but Leon could wait a little longer, if only for Ada to reacquaint herself with Mei.

“Leon”, Ada called out to him as soon as he opened the door to leave the room. “Thank you for not giving up on me”.

Leon couldn’t say anything to that, he just smiled back and closed the door behind him. The words clogging his throat weren't enough to suffice how much Ada meant to him, how much it meant that she changed her mind and came back for real but their next steps were laid bare before them now.

First the talk and then…

Leon didn't dare to hope but that distant dream of partnership and someone to go back home to, felt more alive than ever.

Maybe they could have it all.