Work Text:
Meet me at our spot:
Oh this is not a good night. Nope. There are too many people in this house to start with. The music is too loud. The air feels awful and smells of shitty beer I have consumed far too much of. The sense of dread snaking its way through my stomach and chest is threatening to strangle me.
I’ve been searching for my best friend for over thirty minutes, with zero luck. Naruto Uzumaki should be the easiest person on the planet to find, which means me not finding him is absolutely intentional.
He can’t know. He can’t. It’s not possible. I was careful. So fucking careful. I down a shot of god knows what, and scan over the crowd of people packed into this stupid party.
I don’t even want to be here. I want to be home watching movies in my parents’ basement, sprawled out in oversized bean bag chairs with Naruto. But he’s here, and I have to be here because something is wrong. I pray to every god I can think of that it’s not what I think it is, but doubt they're listening.
He says everything is fine, but he’s been avoiding me. Even now our eyes finally meet over the crowd, his are cold. Those warm, beautiful eyes, like the summer sun on the calm sea, have turned to ice for me. My stomach churns and my heart clenches as he quickly turns away and disappears into the masses again.
I down another shot. Fuck. How many have I had? Not enough. I can’t breathe. Panic floods my system as I follow him. I don’t want the answer any more than I want to see that look in his eyes again, but I have to know.
Naruto, please.
My feet carry me after him, stumbling when I catch him slipping out the side door and into the trees. The full moon hangs over head, it’s light shimmering across the lake and illuminating the path ahead. It would be a beautiful fall night if my world wasn’t potentially ending.
I make my way down the uneven path until I find him standing at the water’s edge, hands tucked in his pockets, as he stares out across the lake.
“Naruto.” I reach for him but he shoves me back, leaving me staring at my empty hand. He takes another step away from me. Away, because I’m broken. I’ve killed us because I couldn’t control it. I was too weak and he saw.
His eyes find mine again and that dreaded look is still there. This is it. I’ve been haunted by dreams of this moment for damn near a decade, and now it’s here. I tried. I swear to god I fucking tried. Everything inside of me shatters, and the broken pieces catch in my throat, choking me. No that’s vomit. Great.
I stumble to the side, bracing myself against a tree and empty the copious amounts of alcohol from my stomach into the underbrush. When I’m finished I wipe my mouth on the back of my sleeve.
Naruto hasn’t moved. He still stands a few feet away, arms folded tightly across his chest. There are probably times I’ve looked more pathetic, but none that have ever been this vulnerable
I swallow hard and look away, my hand falling limply at my side, “That’s it then?”
I try to keep my voice steady, but it cracks anyway. I can’t look at him. I don’t want to see the disgust in his eyes, and I don’t want him to see the tears spilling from mine.
“You lied to me.” Even his voice is cold.
“I didn’t want you to know.” The truth is, I could have died with this secret locked away where it belonged. Just having him close was enough. I wasn’t greedy. I just didn’t want to lose my best friend.
“How long did you keep it from me?” He snaps and I flinch.
“Ten years.”
“Te—ten?!” His voice raises in disbelief “You fucking kept this from for ten years?!”
“It didn’t matter!” The words come spilling out before I can stop them. “It still doesn’t matter? What difference does it make?”
“It matters that you lied to me about something huge. For ten fucking years.” He grounds out, his voice harsher than I’ve ever heard it.
“I didn't want to lose you!” My voice breaks. “Please just forget. It doesn't matter. I didn’t want you to know.” “Please just forget.”
I wipe my eyes and reach for him again, but he steps away. “Please, Ru… I’ll do anything.” Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.
“I can’t.” His footsteps fade as he disappears into the trees.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. My knees give out and I fall to the ground, curling into myself. I fist my hair until it hurts, tears coming in a steady stream that blurs everything. I can’t breathe. It feels like I’m dying. Like my heart is bleeding out onto the cool forest floor.
I don’t know how long I sit there before hurried footsteps rush towards me. I don’t move, not caring who sees me like this. Nothing matters anymore. There’s a heavy thud on the ground in front of me but I don’t look up.
“Goddamnit.” A gruff voice laced with emotion breaks through my haze. Suddenly I’m pulled into a crushing embrace. Naruto's familiar scent fills my nose and I instinctively wrap my arms around his waist.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I tried. I tried so fucking hard.” I sob into him.
“Shhhh.” He shifts, holding me tighter. “I’m sorry too.” His voice breaks and I realize he’s crying as well.
He just holds me and I cling to him like my life depends on it because if he walks away again…
When we both finally calm, I try to pull back but he doesn’t let me.
“What now?” I ask tentatively against the fabric of his jacket.
“I dunno, Sas.” He sighs. “I’m pissed at you for not telling me, and I’m pissed at me for not fucking seeing it. I’m hurting and you’re hurting and I want to be alone to sort out my head. But I don’t want you alone stewing in yours.”
“Come back to my place and we can lay in the theater room watching bad movies like we always do when things are shit?” I offer.
He huffs a faint laugh “I dunno if this fits ‘bad break up’ territory, but sure.”
He helps my drunk ass stumble upright and gets under my arm to support me on the walk to my parents’ house.
“I really need to brush my teeth.” I tell him as we step through the front door. “I’ll meet you down there.”
“I’ll get a movie started, any thoughts?”
“You can pick,” I tell him. “I’m too toast.”
“That walk should have sobered you up some.” He grumbles.
“It did.”
When I make it down to the basement he’s still scrolling through the computer. A moment later the lights dim and the screen flickers to life. I toss my self into a bean bag and just stare up at the ceiling. When he walks iver to me I expect him to flip in the chair beside me. My whole body tensed when instead my own beanbag dips and he lies beside me.
We’re quiet while the movie starts to play. He is close enough that I can feel the heat of his body. I don’t dare move and risk whatever tentative truce has settled over us.
“When did you know?” He asks quietly.
“Know?” I ask, caught off guard.
He just glanced at me, still looking guarded.
“I guess… i dunno for sure, Ru.” My voice stumbles and I clear my throat before continuing. “There came a point when you were all I ever thought about. It took me a few years to realize what it meant. I tried to get rid of it, to bury it, to squash it. I knew it was wrong. That I’d lose you if you ever found out. But it just wouldn’t go away. So I just convinced myself I could hide it forever and just be happy the way we were.”
My chest tightens with every word.
“Do you still think that?” He asks, fiddling with the hem of his jacket
“Yes. I don’t need anything back from you. I’d never ask for it. I just need my best friend.” I’ve managed it for ten years. What’s ten more.
“But that’s not fair to either of us is it? Living a lie.” He says gently. His voice is steady but it feels like he’s holding something back too.
“If it means I get to keep you, I don’t care.” I protest.
He lets out a slow breath. “I can’t pretend I don’t know.”
My heart races as the realization sets in. “Does that mean this is my last night with you?”
He’s quiet for a long moment. A silence that feels like a countdown. I’m sure my heart stops beating.
He’s so quiet I almost miss it when he speaks again.
“I want to hear you say it.”
“What?”
“I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around it. I want to hear it.” He looks over at me. “Please.”
I swallow hard. My mouth feels thick and dry, like my body is still fighting to keep this secret. My jaw trembles as the words make their way to the tip of my tongue.
“I’m in love with you.” The words are so soft I’m not sure they were even audible. Now that they’re spoken, the line has been crossed. There’s no going back.
A tear falls down my cheek and he gently reaches out to wipe it away. His fingers are warm against my skin, grounding and unbearable at the same time. I lean into the touch for the briefest moment before he pulls away.
Emptiness settles in me as he turns back towards the screen. The absence of him is like a void between us.
I feel exposed and vulnerable. Raw. Every piece of who I am laid bare before him while I wait for him to decide what to do with it.
Just this once I want to crawl into his arms and cling to him. If this is really the end, I just want to remember. How he feels, how he smells, the sound of his voice.
But I stay still, watching his face instead of the screen.
After a while our eyes meet again. Something shifts in his gaze and he turns on his side to watch me too.
My whole body tenses without my permission when he moves closer. His arm snakes beneath me he tugs me against his chest, and for a second, my brain just stops.
“I can’t stand this.” He says quietly, resting his forehead against mine. “Seeing you this way.”
He wipes more tears from my cheeks that I didn’t even notice fall. Brushing back my hair like everything is fine. He lets out a shaky breath and his thumb trails below my bottom lip. His hand tightens at my back, pulling me closer.
“This might be a complete disaster, but…” before I can think before I can brace myself for what comes next, he leans in. His lips are on mine.
For a second I don’t respond, my brain reeling to catch up. When it finally does I kiss him back like my life depends on it. My fingers twisting into his shirt like I’m drowning and he’s my only source of air.
He breaks the kiss as it starts to deepen and his head rests against mine. “Why did you do that?”
“I don’t know.” Neither of us moves, but neither of us pulls away, “I haven’t had the same amount of time to process this as you.” He says gently, “I don’t like the idea of losing you either. I can’t pretend that I don’t know what I know. But I’m willing to explore it.”
“Explore it?” The words tumble through me sounding foreign and strange, like a fever dream.
He nods, "Would that make you happy? I can’t make any promises that I can return the feeling or that I’m even comfortable being with a man. But for you, I’m willing to try.”
“Try?” I ask dumbly.
He nods. “Yes. I just need you to understand that I don’t know what that looks like yet. I can’t make any promises. I've never thought about this kind of thing before. But I don’t want to lose you”
My breath catches. “You’re straight, but you would try a relationship… with me.”
“For you.”
“I…”
My thoughts stall completely because this isn’t something I’ve even allowed myself to imagine, let alone hope for. Yet here it is.
He cuts off my thought process by leaning in again. kisses me again. This kiss is slower this time, more confident. His tongue glides along the seam of my lips and I let him in.
It’s electric, his kiss, and something in my short circuits. I feel it in every part of my body. I couldn’t even have imagined it this good.
The screen stalls as the movie above us comes to an end and we break apart.
“We should sleep.” Naruto says against my lips.
It takes everything in me not to kiss him again, but I don’t dare push it. “Do you want to stay?” I ask hesitantly. He's slept beside hundreds of nights before now, but this is an entirely new context that he might not be comfortable with.
He nods slowly, pushing himself up and stretching a hand back to take me with him. He follows me in silence as we walk to my room.
We strip down to shirts and underwear like we always have and crawl into my bed. I go to build the usual pillow wall between us, but he grabs the pillows and tosses them behind him, sending them tumbling off the bed.
“This was never because I’m ‘a wild sleeper’ was it.” He asks, glaring at the fluffy cushions.
“No.” I admit, “It was so I didn’t try to cuddle you in my sleep.”
He smacks my thigh roughly and grunts out a tired, “Turn over.”
I hesitate but do as he asks and he slips an arm around me, pulling me back against his chest.
“This ok?” His breath ghosts over my neck sending a chill down my spine.
“Yes.” I’m pretty sure at this point my drunk ass must have tripped out in the woods and fallen and cracked my head open. I’m lying out there bleeding to death and this is just part of whatever happens in the after. So anything he wants is just fine.
He places a kiss against the back of my neck. Yeah definitely a dream. There’s no way this would be happening in real life.
“Goodnight, Sasuke.”
“Night.”