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Chess day. Jo Eiusin felt a terrible shiver come over him, and then the cold wind blew in. It didn’t matter what he wore or how many times he went through this. He could never get used to the cold. It was the kind of cold that dug deep inside of him, it felt like it bit into his flesh and seeped into his very bones.
Eushin stood calmly as the nightmare crashed over him.
He knew what was coming. He tried his best to calm his trembling, but whether from the freezing cold or the fear of what was to come he could not completely control his bodies physical response.
Then the images flashed, and Eushin watched as his greatest nightmare tore through him once again.
He always had a nightmare on chess day.
“Hyung! We are sorry!”
There were his young siblings. They were so cute, so sweet so innocent. They looked exactly how he remembered them. Insomnium had not altered their appearance in the slightest. It tried that in the begining, making them look cuter or more innocent, but it had long since learned that their true appearance hurt Eushin the most.
Right now the younger version of himself was yelling at them.
A dark look was over his face. His voice was sharp. His eyes were mean. Cruelty, anger and not even a hint of love. The Eushin in front of him was a spoiled brat. Petty and cruel.
Then the Eushin in the nightmare grabbed his siblings roughly. He shouted at the young crying children. He told them that they were both selfish. That he always gave them everything so why couldn’t they leave him just this small thing. Just this tiny thing.
They both burst into tears, apologizing piteously.
Soon his parents came in to scold him. They told Eushin that he needed to be more mature. That he should give way because they were younger. That he should have just given them the snacks, after all he would have plenty when he was away anyway.
Young Eushin in the nightmare shook his head defiantly and yelled back at them. “You always take their side! Aren’t I your child too? Do I not matter at all? Do you even love me?”
Then he stormed off toward the door. In real life he had never seen them again, because they would all die in a car accident while he was off having fun playing chess.
Eushin, the real Eushin shook his head.
“It wasn’t like that.”
His voice was trembling. He tried to blink away the tears. He tried to tell himself it wasn’t real.
It wasn’t. Deep down he knew that. He had gotten a little angry, just a bit annoyed but he hadn’t said anything mean. Never in his life had he grabbed his siblings. He wasn’t so cruel.
Or was he? Did it matter? Wasn’t it the same? He was alive and they were dead. Even if he hadn’t acted like that, hadn’t a small part of him wanted to act like that?
He was filthy. He was a bad person. He was worthless.
It had been a long time since Insomnium twisted reality. Usually he showed him his past, because he knew Eushin would fight off any falsehood easily and brush them off, making such tricks useless. Usually Jo Eushin was mentally strong.
But not today. Because today was the anniversary of his family’s death.
Eushin was at his most vulnerable today. He was not strong today.
Eushin knew it too. Like the strategist he was, he had tried to avoid playing near this time. He set their last match early. Two weeks before today. He had hoped to win and then set the next game for two weeks later.
But he lost. Not a true loss. Not a stalemate, but a regular loss. It was impossible for him to always win in chess.
Instead of setting the next game the very next day like he usually would, Insomnium set it for today when his adversary was at his weakest.
It worked just as he intended.
Eushin started to hold his breath.
Pain filled his chest as he refused to breathe. Longer and longer. He wanted this pain. He needed this pain.
He had been a terrible brother and an awful son. Why couldn’t he have just let them have the snacks? Why couldn’t he have been kinder to his family? Why did he always leave them feeling lonely?
The memory of shaking his sibling from the nightmare, his little siblings crying and pleading with him to forgive them crashed over him. More pain filled his chest. He didn’t know if it was from the pain of holding his breath or the pain of the horrible memory so freshly inflicted by the nightmare.
Pain. The pain was good. If only he could hold his breath like this until he died. If only he could repent with his life. Then he could follow them. Then he could apologize. A terrible, worthless person like him didn’t deserve to live. He didn’t deserve to continue breathing the air of the good people of the world.
Cold. He was so cold.
Then suddenly warm strong arms wrapped around him. A body that smelled familiar, a body that was hard and warm and comforting.
He knew this body. He liked this body more than any other in the world. It belonged to his amazing and good main playable character.
Jo Eushin struggled. He tried to push him away. Tears were falling from his eyes. He was getting Baekho dirty with his tears. Someone as clean and good as Baekho should not touch someone as dirty and bad as him.
“That is not true. You are not dirty at all. You were just a child, and those are just lies made to shake you. You know that.” Baekho soothed him.
He did know it. Deep down he knew it. But in the end they were still dead and he was grieving and hurt.
But it was enough. Not enough for him to feel like he was worth anything. Not enough for him to forgive himself. But Baekho’s comfort was enough to give him the courage to continue to do what he had to do.
“Let go.”
This time Baekho did.
Eushin stood up. He was still shaking, but he forced a breath into his burning lungs. He didn’t look at Baekho. He was embarrassed by his little outburst.
He turned around.
It was time to play chess.
****
Jo Eushin woke up feeling refreshed.
He had a deep dreamless sleep as always.
He looked at the clock. It was a little early. If he rushed he could get to Mitron and pick up some snacks for his juniors and still have time to hand them out before class started.
He went to do just that. He bought extra today. He had such good juniors. They were such kind and perfect kids. They deserved extra snacks. He picked up an orange pudding that sounded good, and some almond cookies. There were some blueberry scones as well. He didn’t know when but he had subconsciously started picking up snacks for both his good juniors and his classmates.
It wasn’t until he stepped out the door, struggling with all the snacks that he realized he may have gone a bit overboard.
Then he saw the shameless tiger in his white school uniform who was pretending to be a student conveniently at his side.
He shoved half of the snacks in Baekho’s arms. If he was going to pretend to be a student and bother him he could at least help.
“You hold this.” He said.
Baekho took them, and then he took all the rest balancing them expertly and effortlessly with his much larger arms a content smile on his face.
Jo Eushin would never understand the tiger.
***
A/N first time I have written a one shot and first time writing for this fandom. Let me know if you like it and want more stories for this fandom. I love EX Rank Replay and am completely caught up. This is legitimately my favorite Korean webnovel and I have read quite a few.