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His hands were shaking, almost dropping warpstone. The feeling of sudden dizziness and his chest tightening more and more within every second passed.. All that together made him one step away from vomiting. This such thing was bigger than the need to comfort Tina and Foolish up. He wanted to do something, but all he could’ve done was stammering out patheticly “You can count on me” before he left them.
All his mind was about at that moment was The Regime. Lay down and maybe try to sleep.. but he already knew this wouldn’t help nor solve any of his problems. Instead, his warpstone teleported him to “Prawdziwa Polska”. At first, he couldn’t understand why he specifically chose this place and how his thoughts lead him to go for the lavender field.
His legs trembled while also his vision began to blur. In fear of it, he wiped his face with uniform’s sleeve. After a while, he heard a voice, calling his name in a quiet manner. A pretty.. familiar voice. He knew it perfectly. Of course that was the reason behind Ash being here right now. He brought himself to look up, and seek the voice's owner. Just a few steps forward, he could clearly see the silhouette of his fellow assassin.
He couldn't help himself but let out a shaky laugh. But, clearly, it wasn’t even near close for it to sound like he was amused. It was more broken and filled with bitterness. Again, he lowered his head, staring at the ground around his legs.. At those freely blooming lavender flowers. For some reason, the view of those flowers made his shoulders tremble more.
– Ash..? – Ewroon repeated once more with his brows furrowed. – Ash.. don’t ignore me, please.. look at me – he kept calm as he continued. Yet, Ewroon didn’t know what to do next. Because, what should he say? That wasn’t the first time he sees the Supreme Leader in this state, but he instantly knew that this time it was something new. Something worse.
– E.. Ewroon.. – Ash finally spoke after a while, but right now he couldn't bring himself to say more. He felt sick to the point every other word that would come out of his mouth would make him more and more dizzy, leading him ultimately to vomiting his guts out.
Ewroon took just two steps forward, but he immediately stopped once Ash spoke eventually.
– Juan.. He.. – Still in a trembling tone, as salty, warm tears started to run down his cold cheeks. Looking all pathetic and powerless. At this point, he didn't care about it. He just let it happen. – Juan.. He.. Died.. They killed him.. – Again, a snort escaped his mouth as his throat tightened. – Aldo and Multi.. Roier.. They.. Killed him. Right in front of me. I was watching him dying and.. could do absolutely nothing. – He ended his confiding with hysterical laughter.
Pathetic and weak. That’s the way he was, is and will be. His dear friend died before his eyes, and all he could’ve done was stare, not being able to help in any way. Not being able to even take his sword and aim it at his enemies. What kind of leader would allow such things to happen? To experience his friend’s death? To people laugh right into his face without any consequences?
Ewroon was frozen, staring at his friend in complete silence. Unable to say anything. Juan is dead.. Juan is dead? Why exactly? What was the possibility of that happening while he was asleep? And why hasn't he heard about it earlier?
– Ash.. – He pushed himself to speak, and, after a few seconds, all he could hear was his friend’s sob.
Again, he took another two steps forward, going in for a hug, letting Ash melt into his arms. He immediately returned the hug. For a second, tightening his arms so much, almost crushing Ewroon, who was unable to take a breath for a short time. Anyway, he didn't mind it, staying in silence.
Ash thought that he must’ve looked pretty stupid in Ewroon’s eyes. Yet, that hug was so warm it kept him from his own thoughts. He just hid his face in red panda’s shoulder right before another sad wave hit him, making Ewroon’s piece of shoulder cloth wet from tears.
– What leader am I if I can’t save my dearest people? And what kind of a warrior am I if I can’t help but cry in such situations instead of fighting no matter how much hurt I am!? – He asked in one breath, holding Ewroon's shoulder firmly.
– It’s pathetic.. not worth my status. I should’ve killed all of them! And utterly destroy that damn reactor! I.. I should’ve.. – Ash broke down for a second. – ..Save Juan.. – A weak tone took over him, leaving him silent.
He was useless and awful. Seriously, everything went wrong afresh. Ash believed if only he focused more on the goal.. And didn't care so much about his emotions.. Things would go the other way around. Defeat them and save Juan. Only the ones who deserved it would die, yet.. he’s the one who lost, leading his friend to the path of death.
– Ash.. It wasn't and won’t be your fault. – Ewroon humbled, just to be yanked by the other. Ash locked his gaze in his friend’s eyes.
– If not mine then who’s?! Who’s fault was that?! Aldo’s?! Roier’s.. Multi’s and that kid of him?! Yeah, of course it’s them! But I was there! I’ve seen Juan’s suffering from the very beginning! I’m not just anybody, I’m THE Supreme Leader! No good leader would let his people.. Well.. His friends and family die before his eyes. No.. Anyone wouldn't let such a thing happen.. But I did anyway.. I.. – As he kept talking, his voice started to soften, changing into a quiet mumble after a while.
Ewroon was seeking for any clue in Ash’s face for a while, as he remembered he’s also dying. Mouths open, ready to say anything, were eventually closed by him. Instead of any words being said, another wave of sadness struck Ash afresh. It’s quite pathetic to think that Ewroon was the person he had massive plans with, because.. now? He’s just in the worst state possible, letting himself cry on Ewroon's shoulder.
On the red panda’s face a subtle smile appeared. A.. subtle, humble.. touching.. but just for a moment. It was kind of his own version of lavender field.
He took Ash’s hand, while with the other one of his, he whipped his cheek.. wet from all those tears. At first, The Regime Leader thought it was something strange, yet.. really comforting feeling.. being touched like that by someone close to him.
The assassin carefully dragged him, checking if Ash would even move from his place. And, he did. Ewroon led him, with care being all over his mind, to eventually sit under a tree. That was the moment Ash actually felt the pain in his legs caused by all that stress, although they maintained him upright this whole time.
Regime’s Leader leaned on his friend’s shoulder, letting most of his weight rest on Ewroon, but he didn't complain anyway. Instead, he put his arm right on Ash’s back.
– Listen.. I’m not the best if we’re talking about cheering someone up or even comforting them.. – A laugh escaped his mouth, as if in a manner to break the ice. – But.. I’m glad that you came here, instead of hiding somewhere in The Regime. And I promise, I’ll stay here as long as you need. – This time, he whispered softly. – I’m your blade, afterall. I’ll fight for you, no matter if it takes my life or not. Remember?
Ash, again, felt the dizziness coming back. “No matter if it takes my life”. Such a noble thing to say. It was worth his trust.. Yet, Ash didn't want it. He didn't want anyone else to die. He didn't feel he deserved anyone's sacrifice. Now nor ever. He tightened his hand, which rested on Ewroon’s shoulder. – No.. no, no, no.. please. Everything but dedicating your life. I.. don’t want you to die. I don’t want anyone else to die.. – Sobbing.
Ewroon swallowed loudly, wondering if that was the right time to mention he’s in fact already dying. Eventually, he kept silent. It would only make things worse.
Most of the time, he kept his cold hearted temperament in such situations. He strongly believed that it’s the thing which motivates him to go forward, no matter what. And that’s what he was doing towards Ash. There was no space for kind words nor comforting each other. The goal was much bigger than their self-pity. The kindness always ended with “you need to rest’’ or less frequently spoken “everything is going to be alright”, in a worried manner.
Ewroon was wondering what went wrong to the point where these two apathetic assassins became.. Well, so clingy. All they were doing now was laying under the tree, enjoying each other’s company, while Ewroon was trying to cheer Ash up after Juan’s death.
Ewroon was quite a straightforward type of a person. For him, everything was so simple and obvious. But now? The more he thought about it, the answer for any of his questions was so twisted it made him irritated.
The Supreme Leader known well that Ewroon does not have much time left, which was destroying him from the inside. First Son, then Ghosty.. Juan.. And the next one is Ewroon. His death seemed to be much more heartbreaking than Juan’s. Deep down, he felt that if anything were ever to happen to his assassin, he'd give up.
– Please, Ewroon.. I don't think I’ll be able to cope after your death. I assure you, I won't.. – He stammered, keeping his grip tight on Ewroon’s body.
All he wanted now was to ensure Ash he wouldn't die.
But he can't.
…
It was hard to tell how much time passed. Anyway, it was obviously night now. The only source of light was the moon and some tiny lamps somewhere nearby. Obviously, it became cold, yet Ash didn't mind, since he could feel the warmth of Ewroon’s body.
Both of them didn't break the silence since Ash’s plea. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to force a word out. How shall he start?
Ewroon had the same exact problem. His gaze was stuck on the things before him. Sometimes it was the sky.. the other time clouds passing by. Frequently he peeked at Ash’s body resting on his. But one thing made him mad about it.. not seeing his face, but he wasn't able to speak about it.
Even though Ash’s face was turned away from the assassin, he knew when Ewroon was looking at him. Every time, it gave him a confusing feeling.. Was Ewroon worried about him? Or maybe he was judging him on how pathetic Ash is? This time - Ewroon’s gaze froze on Ash, again.
He took a deep breath before he spoke.
– Y’know.. You can always tell me how stupid I look in your eyes. I know it won't affect me, so go on. – He told it in such a calm tone.
– What? – He instantly answered with so much confusion in his voice – I.. Don't think I’m following? – His face was clearly confused as his mind.
The Regime Leader’s body felt tense, when Ash finally came to the conclusion how badly he misunderstood Ewroon.
– You-uh… won't say anything? Y’know.. about my behaviour?
Ewroon was silent for a while, before he burst out a laugh.
– And why should I? Maybe there’s something I don't know, but the last time I checked I was a necromancer and an assassin, not some kind of psychologist.. – Still laughing.
Ash furrowed his brows, looking over his shoulder at Ewroon.
– It’s not funny, even in the slightest – He stated firmly – Never have you ever treated me like, well.. like that. Why all of a sudden is completely the other way around? Not so long ago you’d call me weak or words.. – He kept talking in disbelief.
– So, you see me as such a monster? Ouchh.. – He sighed dramatically, as his panda’s ears fell down to appear more touched.
– No, seriously.. What is it? You’re so weird that sometimes I can't keep up with you.
Ewroon spoke in a softened manner.
– Oh.. come on, Ash~ – He groaned, seeing how seriously Ash was taking it – You know.. There's no need to be a genius, to read the other one’s feelings. In each of those previous situations, I assumed that being firm was the better option. If I hadn’t been, you would have just fallen apart even more. You needed, hmm.. well, someone to bring you back down to earth. And it helped, am I right? You showed more determination in pursuing your goal, you were more resolute..
Ash looked at Ewroon, connecting the dots. The way Ewroon was laying it out now made a lot of sense. He wasn't wrong. Even if Ash wanted to be angry at him for all those hurtful words... Well, he couldn't, because Ewron was actually right. Those harsh words had always been the reality check he needed.
– So, why today.. – Ash started, before Ewroon spoke again.
– Why was today different? Well, it’s easy.. isn’t it? – His smile grown wide, meanwhile Ash looked at him as if he was an idiot – I just felt like this time you needed something else, something more.. mild? After all, the death of someone close is bigger than all the things that happened to you for now. Anyway, I’m an emotionless beast. Juan was also a friend of mine.
Ash sighed heavily at the mention of their dead friend. Every time someone mentioned it, he felt like he was there again. Powerless. Pathetic. Forced to see Juan’s death happen in front of him.
– Did you know Multi was talking about you? – Ash said with such emotionless tone as well as face. He focused on the ground underneath.
Ewroon raised his eyebrow, shocked with words being said.
– What? Why?
For a second, Ash regretted mentioning it.
– While we were trying to save him, Multi was asked by us what he would want in exchange for Juan. He just laughed and.. and then he said it’d be you. That you were the one who shall be in Juan’s place. I guess you got lucky.. – Ash tried to cover his nervousness with a simple laugh, seeing how Ewroon’s face went from confused to terrified. But after all, he didn't seem worried.
– It’s quite-um.. interesting, I must say – He mumbled, clearly not knowing how to react to such information.
Ewroon seemed to be the “I don't care” type of person. He was always talking about how he doesn't mind being sacrificed or killed. Or how death should be the one fearing him, and not the other way around.
Well.. in reality, death was something freaking him out. All his words were just empty. He didn't want to die, now or ever.
– I told him that he can take you – After a second, he shook his head to deny it. – But I did it only for your peace.. So Multi will think that you’re not so important to me, as he thought. – He smiled slightly. Once more, he realized it doesn't sound so convincing. – Y’know.. If I’m being honest, I never consider this being an option..
Ewroon returned the smile.
Meanwhile, Ash turned away again and returned to his previous position.
– Ewroon.. Thank you – He said much more quietly. – I.. Think you were right. I mean- Y’know, when I needed someone to just kick me and tell me to put myself together.. And, thank you for today. – Ash spoke slowly, as if pondering the very words he said. For some reason, the conversation felt more intimate than it should have been.. at least for the average person.
Ash could practically feel that broad, proud grin on the assassin’s face. He smiled slightly to himself.
– Are you comfortable like that? – Ash asked, instead of dragging the same topic. Also, he was concerned about Ewroon’s body, since the whole time The Regime Leader was laying on his assassin, putting all of his weight on Ewroon.
– Noo.. Actually, I kinda like it – He answered quickly, tapping out against the ground some rhythm with his fingers.
– Ash.. Did you know pandas don’t like closeness? – A silly, random question flew out of his mouth, which seemed like the type of the ones being said so the conversation doesn't end.
But, when Ash thought about it more, he realized it meant something more. Of course, Ewroon was a red panda.
The Supreme Leader peeked at his friend. He raised his eyebrow, questioning his words using his own face. Ash felt like it was just another Ewroon’s joke.
– And what the hell should this even mean?
– I don't know – Nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders, despite his humorous smile.
Ash furrowed his brows, observing Ewroon closely. Eventually, he sighed as if being defeated.
There's no way of him understanding Ewroon in 100%, even if he’s always as honest as he can be.
All that made Ash laugh a bit.
– ..You are such a weird person, Ewroon.