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A series of chittering scrapes echoes. It starts higher before turning lower and then repeating the pattern. At first, it reminds me of a woodpecker working on a tree trunk, but the rhythm rises and falls in a way no bird would. Then a sound. Notes that I can't place or make sense of. But it feels too familiar. As if meant for me.
The sound lingers before fading slowly as though reluctant to let go.
Then silence.
As I wake up, or come back to awareness, the surroundings seem empty but at the same time so loud. My ears perk up first, catching up on the hum of the life that surrounds me. I’m in a forest. Deep in a dense forest with trees so big that their foliage covers any possible sky, leaving rare openings for stray rays of lights to peek in between. It isn’t cold but I can’t say I feel comfortable even with my copper fur. As I lift my head and look around it seems that I’m alone. I stand myself on my all fours, shaking off the sleep and stretching my limbs all the way to the white tip of my tail. With that down I look around myself more closely.
I have woken at the roots of one of countless grand trees. Looking around they seem to repeat themselves without giving me any clue of direction. It is shaded but not dark. As I pointlessly try to look around myself, trying to catch any clue of where and why, my ear twitches at a faint sound of a branch breaking somewhere above me. Not a second later, the said branch hits a ground not a few trees away. The fur on my back stands up involuntarily as I frantically try to look up to see what or who has caused it. Sadly I can’t make out anything. With my tail tightly pressed down by hinds I try to approach the spot to see if the branch was there. That I didn’t just imagine it as a delayed leftover of a dream. But I hear a new break instead. This time on the grown level.
Someway behind me.
I instantly jump around, taking a sturdier stance. Paws and claws digging in the soft flora covered ground. Snarling, exposing my teeth to possible threats. But my boast is short-lived as I come more and more aware of other animals around me. The breathings, the shadows, the pairs of gleaming eyes that stare back at me. All threatening. All overpowering.
I’m not alone here.
Yet I’m on my own.
I let my stance drop to submissive one, tail back to the ground, ears folded against my head. Hoping that this would be enough. I’m about to lower my body back against the ground in total surrender when a deep growl echoes towards me. At that point I abandon any hope of a peace treaty and bolt in the opposite way from where I heard the closest sound. The second I sprint away, the others follow.
Some footfalls land heavier than mine, shaking the ground with each stride, while others match my own light rhythm. I swear I could even hear the flap of the wings. But there is no chance to take a look behind or above. Only forward. Only to get away.
I pour everything into my sprint! With each passed tree my tempo sharpens and what was first a frantic dodging became more fluid weaving between towering trees and dense thickets. The rhythmic thud of my paws hitting the ground, breaking and throwing dirt in the air behind me gets faster and faster, but is getting outrun by my own heart beat that I feel ringing in my ears. It is warming me up. It is getting hot. I let the tongue lull out of my mouth as I keep the frantic breathing as even as I can. Where am I running to? I have no clue. But it’s clear that it is not safe to stay. So anywhere else would be better.
I try to change direction, hoping desperately to find a place to hide when a sharp pain tears through my left hind leg. A bite. Someone bit me! Ignoring the pain I adjust my course away from the other animal. It doesn’t take long for a bird to dive from above and dig its talons into my hide, scratching me. I let out a yip, more from startle than pain. At this point I’m in too much panic to register the latter. It dawns on me that they are able to catch on to me easily. This is all just a thrill of a chase for them. A game. And I’m the prey.
Why me?
I feel like crying, or screaming but I’m even more afraid of what they will do once I give up. So instead I just run faster. Fast enough that branches that hit me, the bleeding paw and burn in my lungs don’t affect me.
I just want this to end!
As the tears escape my eyes, blown down my face by the wind from the run, I see a light in front of me. Something else but more trees peeking in the tree line ahead. And without anything to lose I head towards it, praying that the predators behind me won’t try to throw me off the said course.
With the goal visible, so close, the steps become agony. Trying to push myself there with all the might that I might not even have. Just away. Just to possible safety.
I finally break the tree line and the ground under my pawns turns into boulders. The light I saw was not light but thick white fog that is bright in comparison to where I came from. The new space is completely empty without any vegetation, so dash turns into hopping from one stone to another. After a few leaps I realize I don’t hear the chase anymore and finally dare to slow down, coming to a stop on a slightly higher boulder.
I turn around and true to my instincts, other animals haven’t left the forest. The forest itself ends up abruptly where the rocks start, creating a vision of a massive wall of dark brown and green. From where I stand I’m not sure there is any entrance or exit. The fog is dense enough that even from this small distance the colors are slightly muted. With dumb braveness I reach back towards the tree line, maybe to see any of the chasers. Why would I want to see them? To rub it into their faces?
I bark towards the trees, my own echo bouncing back towards me quickly. I wait for any type of response, shaking at fear that someone would bite at the taunt and come out after all. But no. There is no response. I sit with it for a moment as a thought sinks in.
Maybe they weren’t hunting me… but chasing away?
I bark again, this time I sound more desperate. I am a fox. Forest is where I belong too? Why can’t I stay like other animals? Have I done something? All I remember is just waking up!
My third bark is more of a yap, more sad.
Answer me!
I approach in hope of entering the forest again but after stepping on the second boulder a sharp bark stops me. It’s similar to me, a fox one.
The message is clear. They see me. I’m not welcomed. I have no way back.
My tail, ears - whole posture drops as it sinks in. I really am now alone. I let the dread and sadness wash over me. Out of breathiness switches into sobs. The whole ordeal crashes down on me as immediate danger is over but fear of the unknown looms over me. Not having any heart to look at the betrayal of a home I drag myself towards the closest higher boulder, its peak sharper and not climbable. Walking around it I plop my body down, pulling my hind legs closer to lick the bite wound from the chase. Surprisingly, there isn’t much to nurse even though I swear I still feel the pain from the fangs. With a deep sigh I rest my head on my paw and tuck my tail as close as I can to myself. Stupidly hoping it would hide me. But all it can do is to cover my shameful tears that exhaust me enough to fall asleep again.
A series of chittering scrapes. Fading familiar notes.
When I wake up again, I’m at the very same rock. Not sure how long I have been out but it takes me a few blinks to realize it is not my vision that is blurry, but the fog. The crust from dried tears is short lived as I blink it away and unenthusiastically get back up. Peeking behind the tall rock reveals still the same, unapologetic grand forest but this time I don’t dare to approach it.
Instead I look the other way, towards what seems like never ending whiteness. All I see are the rocks. Bigger and small. Uneven and with smooth surfaces. When I look down under my paws, more closely, I see that the rock I’m sitting at isn’t your ordinary rock I would see in the forest. It isn’t sharp, neither is it smooth as one polished by water. More as if well worn out. There are lines, some straight, some curvy. At times crossing each other.
And dots!
I bring my face closer, snout almost touching the surface while inspecting all of the carvings. It is at that moment that I see a color difference in one of the circles. The rock itself is of a darker side, but then there is a sudden pop of a clear sandy color. How interesting. It looks so nice, even pretty. It seems that one patch has opened my eyes, because suddenly I can spot the same sandy color all over the boulder. I spin around myself trying to find if I missed any other interesting patterns just to hit the still tall standing greater rock. Coming face to face with it I stare at the same type of patterns again. But the rare splashes of colors are reversed with the neighbouring rock that I'm perched on. I do a few double takes to make sure the colors really match. And they do, which is fascinating.
Before I get a chance to start exploring other rocks around me, my ear picks up on a barely audible sound. I swear it’s the same one I have heard before! It is quick to fade away but I do think I managed to pick up on its direction? Maybe. Because the direction I’m staring at is opposite to the forest.
I’m staring into a never ending fog, and it is unsettling.
I take a step on the next rock in said direction but hesitate with the next one. Paw hanging in the air mid step. Why would I want to go towards it? Didn’t the chase from the forest teach me anything? I can’t be stupid enough to be lured in by yet another danger. This time however I don’t even know what could be waiting for me there.
What if I just imagined the sound too? I bark into white emptiness and unlike last time there is no echo that bounces back. It has nothing to do so from. My voice gets eaten by a vast emptiness of an endless field of rocks. Without echo. Without an answer.
Doubt takes a proper root in me. As the coward that I clearly am, I take my step back and sit again against the tall boulder. It’s not worth the risk. Here at the border of two biomes I at least have a choice. But if I go into the unknown there is no way for me to find my way back. I will be completely lost at that point.
As the decision was settled in, the same sound carries itself again. The same melodic notes! I could swear I hear it as if it is doubled? Sung by two instead of one. I can’t help but jump this time taking a few leaps towards it instinctively. As if pulled by it. The sound fades away once again but this time I'm sure it was there! My heart swells leaving a pain of longing in my chest that I can’t explain. I want to go towards that sound. I want to hear more of it. It isn’t hostile, nor is it a scream or a warning. It is more like…
A call.
<Grace.>
And so I run. Before the fear or suspicion can creep back in. Before I can question myself for yet another time. Before I realize that the forest behind me has now become just white fog and the way back is gone.
Before I forget the direction of the sound... No, where the voice came from.
I run because it is beckoning me to come home.
I have no clue for how long or how far I have been running. Hours? Days? Maybe weeks? It doesn’t occur to me to keep count but it also doesn’t matter. I just keep going, hopping at this empty beach, how I like to call it now. Secretly I hope to find water. It would be nice. The hunger or thirst have yet to disrupt me even once. I have stopped more times than I can count whenever a particularly interesting boulder catches my eye. And boy, there are a lot of them!
There is no end to them, all having different colors, shapes and sizes. All of them are unique with their own patterns and at most of the times - pairs. That is the best explanation I can come up with when boulders have pieces intertwining colors. There is another pattern, too. The same colored rocks always come in clusters. Usually, there's one large boulder in the middle with smaller ones clustered around it. Sometimes the central one is so massive that even the smaller stones are enormous, piled high enough to form little caves beneath them.
Those are my favorites. Potential dens for me!
The so-called surrounding rocks usually have the most interesting markings on them so I easily end up with my tail up leaning down to have the closest possible look. Good thing there's nobody around to witness the spectacle I'm making of myself.
Whenever I make one of those stops I tend to lose direction. But now all I have to do is let out a loud bark into the fog and it doesn't take long for the sound to answer me back. Just like now.
<Grace.> A curt note echoes back.
I yip back gratefully knowing that there won’t be a response and back I am on my ‘mary’ way! Though I swear this one sounded louder. As if closer. I don’t dare to get my hopes up even if my heart flutters harder for a beat.
Somehow it hasn’t really occurred to me to wonder, what is at the end of that sound? I shake my head, surprisingly not causing myself to misstep in the process. Whatever it is, it knows me. And at this point it's a better option than nothing.
I was right about the sound getting louder because I swear that fog is getting thinner too. I have been seeing much further boulders for quite some time now. It's not much, but it's something. More importantly, I'm getting somewhere. Eventually I hope at least. And with that thought still distracting me I almost miss a really familiar sound. No, not the one calling me. But the one I for some reason can tell right away that I love.
A quiet swish… A water lazily hitting on rocks and retreating back.
This is a beach after all!
I don't let myself divert. still heading where I’m called. But now my steps feel even lighter as I joyfully challenge myself to hop on even higher boulders, hoping to see just a little further. Gosh, I’m really impatient aren't I? If things progress in the same way as they have so far I’m sure I will eventually see water. But if I manage it just a little bit sooner… That would be awesome.
So I keep going. Every so often, the fog lets me hear another surf. And for reasons, I can't explain why, I'm certain that two of the best sounds I've heard here are coming from somewhere up ahead.
Once more, the passage of time fails to register with me. At some point, I realize I'm no longer heading into endless whiteness. It has become dark, and yet I see everything clearly.
I look up.
Everything…
I come to a stop as I understand that I’m gazed down by an endless amount of stars from above. So many, so bright against the black sky. Suddenly I’m overwhelmed, a breath caught in my throat. I feel small, like a spec of dust. Even less than that. The boulders under me stay strong, keeping me from falling even lower. While in fog I saw too little, now I feel like I see too much and can’t decide which is scarier.
The stars, some brighter, some dimmer pulse beautifully, none hurting my eyes. Illuminating. After giving myself a moment, the panic in my body steps back. Somehow they remind me of the boulders of the beach. They are many, they are stoic, yet in a way… they support me. This odyssey of mine. As ludicrous as that doesn't sound.
The calming echo of waves has become more defined and also ground me nicely. So with reassured bravery, I look up once again. More ready. More steady. With eyes now more adjusted to the vastness of the sky I pick up a pop of color, just like I did with boulders.
A red line.
It stretches across the sky directly above, continuing the way I was pretty sure heading. And so I follow it. Because, somehow, it feels like this thing ties everything together. As I pick up the pace, on instinct I let out a bark and the answer echoes back almost instantly. A tear dreads to collect itself at the corner of my eye as I understand that I’m close. I’m almost there.
I push forward, more desperate than ever, silently begging my paws to carry me just a little faster. I bark again and the answer comes back at once. They know I'm close. Somehow, I'm sure of it. At some point my own barks start echoing. Water.
A shoreline emerges on my left side, dark as the sky above. If it weren’t for occasional lazy waves it would look as if the blackness of the sky has taken over the ground too. Edge of the cosmos. A fresh rush of excitement runs through me but I can’t let it take over me. I barely spare the view a glance. The shoreline can wait. Whoever is calling me can't.
Yet again I go, follow the red thread in the sky, it being the trusty guide. I keep my voice to myself, fearing that I might over use it with constant barking. In my mind however I keep repeating I’m close. Almost there. Like a mantra. Though there is no question in that anymore. The doubt is gone. It isn't long before the red thread starts bending downward towards the dark edge. As if reaching its end even though it is still far away and most likely forever unreachable for me. But when in my view it finally seems to dive beyond the horizon I stop. The view is breathtaking. For a second I can’t help but admire it.
The voice reaches me, pulling me out of my thoughts. For the first time since my break down at the forest’s tree line it called for me first! Not as an answer for my plea. And gosh, it is close because… It’s not the echo that reaches me, but the direct notes. I take a few steps and almost forget to bark back. Real classy of me.
In front of me one of the boulders towers clearly taller than others, and its color is almost surreal. The rock is a mix of blue and green. Turquoise? Or cyan. Or teal. Can’t say as I have never been greatest with differentiating colors by names. Certainly around that spectrum. Whatever it is, it reminds me of ridiculously clear lake water and polished glass. But the thing is solid, and no light comes through it. As I approach it a way of nostalgia wash through me, pushing away all the unpleasant feelings that have been gnawing on me through all the time I have been here. Suddenly I’m exhausted, all the miles catching up on me.
<Grace>, comes the voice. I approach, walking around the pretty colored boulder just to find its cluster of smaller rocks creating a small cave.
It isn’t however what called my name.
I hop on a neighboring boulder with a flat surface. Its comfortable warmth welcomes me, seeping into my tired paws as if begging me to relax. It is darker, of warm earth brown with small specks of the teal. Companion of the massive rock. Yet regardless of that, I don’t feel like being the odd one out with them. As suddenly, we are complete. I plop myself down on the rock and let out a quiet chirp. The rock doesn’t call back, but I swear I feel him… Him? Yeah him, vibrate back, as if humming or purring. The bigger pretty boulder does the same and I can’t help but cry.
It is happy crying. Finally a place for me. My rock. My home.
All the things that I had to run, hop and dash through, suffer through, suddenly felt so worth it. Clearly I don’t need much for complete happiness. Being at the possible edge of the world, resonating with two boulders out of the billions… I am finally at peace.
Nothing can take this away from me.
Not being able to do much with myself I roll on my back and to the other side, trying to get all over my rock, to mark it with my scent. I feel him chuckle at me and I don’t care. Let me have my moment. The warmth of him feels like a hug. And I know, if I’m to go into my den that massive boulder so generously provides, I would get another even tighter embrace. I wish I could do the same for them.
At a loss of better options I give the rock under me an affectionate lick. An attempt at grooming him. Nuzzling myself to it in a futile attempt of being just a little clearer just how much they mean to me. The surface is clear of any dirt, mildly salty if anything. I feel rather silly when the hum comes. It almost sounds… pleased? A chuckle like yip escapes me. I guess he understood.
A lower note purrs. The call from the bigger rocks is inviting so I don’t fight it and drag myself in the small cave. I make sure to give its wall an equally affectionate nuzzle before settling against its protective walls. Another soft vibration travels through the rock and into my chest. Slow. Steady. Content. It is perfect.
A yawn escapes me as sleep is clearly creeping on me. I let it as I have nothing to fear.
I press myself into the warmth and close my eyes. I have my rock. I have my den. I have home. I can rest.
I wonder if I could go fishing at some point.