Work Text:
Work: a mess. Apartment: immaculate. Life: shit.
Arthur stood on the balcony of his apartment, cigarette in hand and his warmest jacket wrapped around him like the embrace of a lover he hasn’t had in years.
It wasn’t quite snowing yet but he could tell, in the next hour or so, it would be. Smoking wasn’t a habit, really, it wasn’t. He just had a fag or two on occasion to mellow out and allow himself to finally stop thinking so hard. It was a bit stale from sitting in his nightstand drawer for a few months but it did it’s job.
The smoke bellowed out from his nostrils and mouth-unsure of which was actual residue or the condensed heat of his own breath. His muscles relaxed, mind muddled and every bit of his problems was set on the back burner, to be picked up at a later time. The railing was freezing but his jacket kept it from burning his skin and besides, the city was too beautiful at this time a night to really care too much about the cold.
The quiet click and slide of a glass door snapped Arthur from the lethargic haze of his own revery and he spared a glance to his neighbor. Marvin? Mark? Eh, he couldn’t really remember right now and it didn’t matter too much at the moment.
“Nice out, huh?” The low tenor struck through the fog of Arthur’s head and he looked again. His neighbor, a slight man with large ears and cheekbones to cut glass with, was bundled up in what appeared to be two coats, a cardigan and an undershirt.
Arthur hummed in an ambiguous agreement and took another drag.
It was silent for a few more minutes until his neighbor scuffled his shoes against the concrete floor and he had to look over.
The man was leaning against the railing, mirroring Arthur and held a glass of some seemingly amber liquid-it was a bit dark to be sure. He too was staring out at the city as if pinning it to memory and Arthur felt an odd intimacy in the moment. Sharing a space and admiring the same view.
“It’s going to snow soon.” Arthur didn’t even feel his mouth move.
“Yeah, my phone said it was going to be snowing by now but I hadn’t seen anything yet.” Merlin replied quickly. He must have been waiting for the ice breaker. “I haven’t seen you smoke before.”
“You haven’t seen me do a lot of things.”
Merlin huffed and Arthur saw his breath float out towards the city. “I’m just saying-you know. I don’t see you out often aside from going to work. You look busy.”
“I am.”
Arthur wasn’t one for small talk. He always made sure his conversations were direct and to the point. There was no reason to say anything unless you needed to say something. Mindless twaddling only wasted time and time was money.
Except, Arthur wasn’t on the clock and his second cigarette seemed to be calling for a bit of twaddling.
Before his neighbor could respond, Arthur inquired. “What’s your name? I seem to have forgotten it.”
“Merlin,” ah, yes, Merlin, “we’ve only met in passing before. I’m not surprised you don’t remember it.” He smiled and Arthur watched his ears lift and his eyes crinkle and the image of him downstairs in the mail hall-smiling back at him-came to mind and he remembered introducing himself on a particularly bad day.
“I’m sorry. It’s just, I meet a lot of people at work. I don’t remember much aside from my own apartment number.” Arthur realized how sad that sounded but he couldn’t really take it back once he’d said it.
“I understand. You seem to work a lot.” Arthur nodded and realized his cigarette had run down on him and was now melting filter.
“It was nice to see you, Merlin. I’ve got to get in. Work in the morning.”
“Oh, right, yeah. Have a good night.”
“Goodnight.”
Arthur slipped inside, cycled through his nightly routine of a shower, dental whiteners and making sure his alarms were set. He went to bed dreaming that he was a detective in the snow searching for a type of hawk that was more about himself than the actual bird.
Arthur generally avoided his balcony unless he needed a smoke. So the next time he went outside-about two weeks later-he was surprised to see Merlin already on his own balcony, reclining in a wicker chair covered in layers of blankets, that hadn’t been there before. A book in hand and seemingly more layers added to his bulk, Merlin was the epitome of relaxing in the winter.
It had started snowing that morning and hadn’t let up but Arthur’s snow boots were made for that and worse. He trudged through, pushed the snow off the railing to lean over and appreciate the ethereal brightness of the city on such a dark night. He glanced over and noticed Merlin looking up from his book and snapping right back to it.
“You’ll get your book wet in this snow.”
“You’ll get lung cancer from those.”
Arthur shrugged and pointedly lit his cigarette in a quiet rebellion to Merlin’s statement. He knew the risks. He just chose to ignore them. It wasn’t like he smoked every day or every week. It was an occasional thing to relieve stress once in awhile. Nothing more.
“You could try yoga. I hear it’s a great stress reliever.”
Arthur looked over with a quirked an eyebrow. It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with yoga, it was just that… Well… Arthur couldn’t see himself in skin tight pantyhose trying to find his “chakra” while bending his-to be honest-barrel-like body into impossible positions. “No, thank you.”
Merlin rolled his eyes and continued on with his book.
The silence was always the perfect companion for Arthur’s thoughts but, tonight, it seemed his mind just couldn’t bare it. Merlin was there and seemingly willing to talk-despite the book-and if he was honest, he needed the company.
“What are you reading?”
“Picture of Dorian Gray.” Merlin says without looking up.
“Oh, lovely. A reminder to stay on track lest you fall to the hedonist lifestyles?” Merlin tossed his head back in laughter and shut the book. Arthur stared at him like he was losing his mind before shaking his head and taking another drag.
“Or I just love art for the sake of art.” Arthur had to admit that Merlin’s neck was a right piece of art but he wasn’t about to say that out loud.
He huffed a laugh and leaned sideways on the railing to face the other man’s balcony. “Please, tell me you don’t have a Hallward original in there.”
“No, portraits, I’m afraid. Not a decades old heathen either. Well, almost three but no more.” Merlin had set the book in his lap and stared out at the cityscape.
Arthur admired the view: the soft pale slopes, dark as night cover above, the shimmering blue reflection of the city lights in Merlin’s eyes. Fuck.
The last dregs of Arthur’s cigarette floated down from the balcony, staining the cold white of the ground beneath him. He stole the last drag that was too close and burned his throat but he had to have one last breath of an excuse to stay outside. Stubbing it out; he pulled off from the railing and stuffed his hands in his pockets.
“I’ll see you around, yeah.”
“Gnight, Arthur.”
“Night.”
Arthur itched to go out again. It wasn’t even the crave of nicotine and the sharp bitter taste of tobacco that called but the strange intimacy with his neighbor. He found himself wanting to step out on mornings just before work to see if he might still be there but he knew he wouldn’t be.
It took one week for Arthur to step outside again but it was his last cigarette. He’d contemplated buying another pack but he knew, if he had them, he’d end up smoking another and another and another just to step out and see Merlin.
It wasn’t snowing tonight but it had earlier in the day and the thin layer was already melting away. The cleats of Arthur’s boots crunched through the ice that was forming on the concrete base of the balcony and he lit the end.
Merlin wasn’t there. Arthur had seen him a few days ago in the hall and they’d waved at each other. He regretted looking as disinterested as he had but his work life wasn’t getting any better. He really was glad to see him.
The city held less of an interest to Arthur now that he was seeking out Merlin’s company. It just looked like piles of stone covered in dirty snow. Even the night sky was obscured by the dark clouds ominously engulfing the city.
The soft click and slide made Arthur turn and see Merlin step out on wobbly legs. He plopped down on the wet chair uncaring of the squelch it made. He had on less layers than he normally did and Arthur knew something was wrong.
“Hey…” Arthur waited for Merlin to look up, “you okay?” His eyes were rimmed red and his cheeks were stained with wet tears. He sniffed and shook his head, turning away to look up at the clouds.
Arthur had never dealt with tears. He always had anger, contempt, jealousy and general hate thrown at him from all ends but sadness and crying were never anything he had to deal with. Even when his mother died his father holed up in the study and his sister was old enough to leave the house. So she did.
“Do you… I don’t know-... Need anything?” He didn’t like this. Seeing Merlin in such a state after their brief interactions was unnerving. He wanted to hold him and tell him it was okay even if he didn’t know what the problem was.
“No, I’m-... I’m alright. Just-...” Merlin paused and looked over to Arthur. His brows knitted and he saw Merlin’s tongue dart out to lick his lips. “Could you... Come over?”
He didn’t even have to think about it. Arthur nodded, dropped the half used cigarette in the ice and went inside, grabbed his keys, a bottle of scotch he had from his last birthday and headed out. He knocked on the door and Merlin opened up, letting him in.
Merlin was a lot taller than Arthur remembered even if he was hunched over like he carried all his worries on his back. When the door shut, Merlin leaned against his hall table and looked at Arthur’s feet. He’d forgotten to remove his snow boots and the carpet in the hall was getting a bit soaked.
“I-I’m sorry, I-” Arthur cut himself off and went for his boots after removing his coat. Merlin’s lip curled a little in the ghost of a smile and turned to enter the apartment. Arthur noted the wet stain covering Merlin’s back and he itched to help take it off.
Arthur set the scotch on the kitchen island and watched Merlin pull two tumblers from his cabinet. Arthur looked around and noted all the little pieces on the walls. Small framed pictures of different landscapes dotted around in a hue-changing array of seasons. Each color spacing two or three pieces in different settings; open fields, jungles, forests and cities. For once, Arthur wondered what Merlin actually did for a living.
“You okay?” Arthur asked again unable to watch Merlin fidget with the tumblers attempting to pour the scotch. He grabbed the bottle and tipped two thumbs in each, looked Merlin over again and added another.
Merlin ran his long, bony hands through his hair and Arthur wanted to feel it. He watched Merlin mentally mull over what ever it was that was bothering him and finally spat it out.
“My-... My ex was in a car accident yesterday and-... He… He didn’t make it.” Merlin’s fingers twitchingly tapped the tumbler where he held it. His mouth kept moving like he was trying to say more but none of it wanted out.
Arthur didn’t know any details. Whether Merlin and his ex had remained close after the break up or even how long ago the break up had been but he could still sympathize when losing someone you knew, even if they weren’t a huge part of your life anymore. It still hurt.
Arthur moved around the island and caught Merlin in a hug when he swayed towards him. He was warm despite being half wet. Arthur could smell the shampoo Merlin used and his long arms wrapped around Arthur firmly.
“I’m so sorry.”
Merlin sniffed and Arthur could feel him crying into his shoulder. “It’s been months but-... He was a good friend before we dated. I-I can’t imagine him not being there. He was still my friend.” Merlin broke down and Arthur held him close. It was a surprising comfort to Arthur that this didn’t feel out of place. He’d never consoled anyone before but he wanted to do this for Merlin.
They held each other until Merlin stopped crying and pulled away. Arthur watched as he downed the contents of the glass and put a hand on Arthur’s arm. “I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. You barely even know me.”
“It’s alright. I know enough.” They stared at each other for an indeterminant amount of time and before Arthur knew it, Merlin was kissing him. It was slow and chaste but enough to shock and relieve Arthur of his uncertainty. Merlin’s fingers gripped at the base of Arthur’s neck and deepened the kiss. He closed his eyes and tasted the scotch in Merlin’s mouth. He wondered if Merlin tasted the tobacco and if it bothered him.
Arthur groan and Merlin pulled back quickly. “I’m so sorry. I’m being stupid. I-I shouldn’t have done that.”
“You shouldn’t have because you don’t want to or...?” Merlin ran his hands over his jeans and looked across the living room towards the glass door. It started snowing again and he turned back to Arthur.
“I-I don’t know. I’ve been attracted to you for awhile but-... All this… It’s just,” Merlin sighed and hugged his arms close together, “it’s a lot, you know?”
“Yeah, it’s alright. Come on, let’s get you into something warm. You’ll catch a cold with those wet clothes on.” Merlin nodded and led the way to his room.
The apartment, Arthur noticed, was well lived in. There were bits and bobs every where but not overly so. It wasn’t a mess, just comfortable.
When they entered Merlin’s room, he went straight for the closet. Arthur stood by, unsure of what to do now. Merlin was a grown man, he could dress himself and yet, it felt right to just be here for him.
“Thank you, by the way.” Merlin called from the bathroom after grabbing a fresh set of pajamas. “I really appreciate you coming by.”
“No problem at all…” Arthur didn’t know how to follow that. He wanted to say he understood but a stranger in his home would be hardly comforting in this situation for him. But he knew Merlin, if only a bit. He understood certain things about the man and that was enough.
Merlin came out of the bathroom fully dressed in warm blue pajamas and walked up to Arthur. “I thought-...” He looked away and tilted his head to avoid eye contact, “while I was changing, I thought about-...” His hands lifted and tugged at Arthur’s sleeve, “would you stay the night with me? Just that. Nothing more, if you don’t want to.” He added quietly.
“I don’t want to take advantage of you.”
“No, I know. I know that and you wouldn’t be. I’ve sort of been… thinking of you... for months now.” Even in the dimly lit room Arthur could see the flush high on Merlin’s cheeks. He reached up and thumbed over the redness.
“I can lay with you and-...” Arthur shrugged and laid his hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “If something happens then… It happens.”
Merlin nodded, turned to kiss Arthur’s wrist and rubbed his cheek against it. “Thank you.”
“You said that already...”
“I know...”
They stood for few moments, both worried about making the first move or if it’d be welcome. In the end Arthur backed away but let his hand glide slowly from Merlin’s neck.
With the tension broken, the two made their way to the bed-just big enough for two-and settled in. Arthur laid on his back, unsure if he should turn toward or away from Merlin. He wanted to curl up behind the smaller man and comfort his pain until it withered away to a warm fizzle but he wasn’t sure if he’d like that. Not yet. Before he could make a decision, Merlin tapped his shoulder and he turned to see Merlin’s red rimmed blue eyes, still a bit watery from tears unshed and Arthur turned.
“Come closer.” Arthur said as more of an offer than a demand but Merlin complied. He didn’t roll over to press his back to him though, he just scooted closer, folded his arms into himself and nuzzled his nose into the hollow under Arthur’s neck.
“Tha-”
“I swear, if you say thank you again I’m going to wake you up at three in the morning and make you go scrape the ice off my balcony for me.” Arthur could feel Merlin shaking with a suppressed giggle and Arthur wrapped his arms around him.
Arthur couldn’t remember the last time he snuggled up with someone like this. It had been years, even the last few times he’d been in bed with someone, they never snuggled. He just wasn’t that affectionate, but Merlin, oh Merlin needed this. Merlin needed this badly and Arthur was all too willing to provide.
They fell asleep with Arthur thinking about how nice this would be to come home to and how he’d do his best to rid Merlin of all thoughts of his ex. He dreamt about a trip he’d taken to America once. Warmth and the glowing sun bearing down on him while he wrapped himself in a thick blanket, uncaring of the extra heat. He was comfortable.
In the morning, Arthur woke up to the soft and bitable curve of a smooth neck and in his sleepy haze, he leaned in and placed a wet kiss just under the ear.
The body shifted and moaned with their little arse pushing back into Arthur’s morning erection. He pressed back and held the body closer, which elicited a contented hum from his bedmate. Then and only then, did Arthur realize where he was.
The protruding ear he was nuzzling and dark hair that tickled his cheek, belonged to Merlin.
He froze and realized he’d spent the entire night cuddled up to his neighbor. Memories of the night before flooded back and he couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty for being here. He was comforting a friend. That’s all. Nothing more. Right?
Merlin shifted again and this time Arthur didn’t move. Merlin made a dissatisfied whine and press back again, forcing a moan from Arthur’s lips.
Fuck.
Merlin stiffened and then relaxed in Arthur’s arms. “I won’t bite.”
The image of Merlin on top of him, riding him like a Harley Davidson and biting down on his neck flashed in his mind and he had to force his breathing to slow down.
“Not from this angle.” Arthur huffed a stuttering breath and Merlin shuddered under the air against his neck.
“I’m not made of glass you know. I can’t be broken so easily. He was a friend but… We hadn’t spoken for weeks. I’d hoped we’d remain as close as we had been after the break up but he didn’t want that. The stupid git.” Merlin sighed and wiggled around to face Arthur. “Do you work today?”
“‘s my day off.”
Merlin hummed and draped a leg over Arthur’s hip. “You wanna stay in with me?”
Arthur contemplated the repercussions of sleeping with his neighbor and came back with nothing he couldn’t handle. If things went tits up, he could just do what he always did and ignore everyone-which he couldn’t believe as a possibility. Merlin was something different. He snarked him and respected his general privacy when it mattered, bedroom excluded.
“Yeah, I’ll stay.”
The smile Merlin gave was close to the one Arthur’d seen on the balcony the second night; all ears and teeth.
Merlin moved in and slowly kissed Arthur with minty breath.
“Did you brush your teeth?”
“I woke up about an hour ago…”