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It had been a long-standing tradition for the group to gather for a monthly catch-up, whether over a rushed lunch, a chaotic dinner, or a wild night out. This month, however, had been a logistical nightmare. After three consecutive rain checks due to scheduling conflicts, they had finally managed to convene for dinner at Tose’s grandiose mansion.
The house was alive with the warm noise of preparation.
In the kitchen, Tam was entirely in his element, keeping a watchful eye on the lasagna bubbling in the oven before turning back to chop fresh greens for his garden salad.
Punch was helping Tose arrange the table. Tose, the perfectionist, had insisted on bringing out the fine china for a flawless, aesthetic setup.
Nearby, Jan and Est were on dessert duty, with Est playing the dutiful assistant as Jan put the finishing touches on her signature tiramisu.
“P’Tose, they just entered the subdivision,” Offroad called out, walking back into the room after hanging up a call with Daou. He immediately slid back into his station, resuming the prep for his famous iced tea.
“It’s a good thing Ou was able to pick up William and Tui from the company early,” Tose remarked, as he aligned the spoon and fork. “Otherwise, they’d be completely swallowed by traffic.”
"Yeah, and we’d all be starving, just like when P’Est and William had that delayed flight,” Punch chimed in, carefully placing the flower centerpieces Est had arranged earlier in the day.
“Hey, we said we were sorry!” Est chuckled. The memory hit him vividly: the group waiting until 10 PM to eat because their flight home from an event in Japan had been pushed back. The second they landed and turned their phones on, both he and William had been bombarded with over a hundred frantic, jokingly angry messages and voicemails from the starving herd.
“Hello, everybody!!”
A booming, theatrical voice suddenly echoed through the foyer, announcing Daou’s arrival before he even crossed the threshold.
“Stop screaming, you literally just walked through the door,” Offroad called back, though a fond smile gave him away, entirely used to his boyfriend’s over-the-top energy.
"Hello! The stars have arrived!” Daou shouted as he rounded the corner, with Tui and William behind him.
“Wow! Who are the visitors??” Daou teased upon seeing the full spread of the dining table, which earned him a poke on his side from his boyfriend.
“Hello everybody, I hope we’re not late.” Tui, the ever so considerate boy, greeted his older friends with a respectful bow. The other responded to them, still continuing what each was doing.
“Good evening everyone, we bought ice cream.” William also greeted, walking towards a specific target, raising both of his hands, showing off their contribution for the dinner.
“Hey, there’s already dessert.” Est protested, though his voice lacked the conviction.
“What flavors di–” Est was unable to finish what he was saying. A pair of strong arms circled around his waist from behind, sending a contrast of warmth against his back and a chill from the ice containers pressed lightly against his front.
“Willy! It’s cold!” Est shrieked and giggled, as he lightly swatted William's arm.
Instead of letting go, William only tightened his grip. He buried his face more on the crook of Est’s neck, inhaling the sweet scent of comfort from his Phi, earning a soft blush on Est’s ears.
“I missed you phi.” William murmured softly, keeping a voice only both of them could hear.
“Okay love birds” Jan teased, her eyes full of adoration seeing her best friend finally loved in a way he deserved.
“Save the sweetness for later alright.” She took the ice cream from William’s hands, saving Est from the cold, and stored it for later.
“Come on Puppy, let’s sit down now.” A tender smile curved in Est’s lips, as he tugged William’s arm and guided him towards the dining table.
Soon everybody was already settled. The food has been served and gentle clinks of utensils echoed as they started their meal. The flow of conversation was light and easy. Tose was sharing about a new product; Tam and Jan were pitching in ideas for possible destinations for a trip; Tui and Punch bickering over the last slice of Lasagna.
“Oh by the way Est, how was Chiang Mai?” Daou asked as he took a bite of the tiramisu.
“It was relaxing, the family just had a small staycation. It was P’Earn’s idea.” Est replied, remembering the three-day trip he recently had with his family.
“Ooh” a teasing glint sparked in Daou's eyes, as he locked in on his target for today.
“So William was away from his Phi for quite a while, huh?.”
William only chuckled, rubbing his ear.
“Well, it felt like he was there.” Est's usual sass slipped out from his voice.
“Always texting, always calling, asking for updates.” Est laughed, shaking his head fondly.
“He even texted P’Earn, when I fell asleep on the sunbed.” The table erupted into laughter
Est laughed with them, but beneath it all, his heart filled with pride as he boasted about his boyfriend.
He loved it about William, the simple updates he received; his messages telling him to sleep well to eat well; random voice messages; and whenever William called, Est would gladly drop everything to hear his voice
“Very, very clingy” Est teased.
He smiled smugly at Daou, and linked his arms with William’s,
For a split second, William stiffened.
It was so slight no one else noticed,
But Est did. He always does.
He glanced sideways.
William's eyes lingered on their linked arms before quietly looking away.
There was something in his expression.
Was it annoyance?
Embarrassment?
Sadness?
Est couldn't understand.
His smile faltered, but he quickly masked it.
Maybe.
Maybe I crossed a line.
Slowly, Est withdrew his arm and returned to eating, mentally noting not to do it again.
Later that night, everyone parted ways and they said their goodbyes. Tui and Punch went with Tam, Offroad rode with Daou, Jan just walked home, and Est drove William.
Bangkok's city lights blurred past the windows as the car cruised through the evening traffic.
After several minutes of comfortable silence, Est reached across the center console and gently intertwined their fingers.
William glanced at him.
He smiled. A soft, gentle smile.
Then he looked back at the road.
Est waited.
His thumb lightly stroked the back of William's hand.
Nothing.
No squeeze in return.
No playful teasing.
Just silence.
The smile hadn't reached William's eyes.
A knot formed in Est's stomach.
He's probably just tired. That has to be it.
He strengthened his grip, anchoring himself. He repeated the thought until he almost believed it.
But the heaviness remained in his heart.
The next day, Est was busy with his own schedule and so was William.
Things seemed normal.
Supportive messages came, voice messages gently reminding each other to eat, short calls between schedules.
Est finally let himself breathe.
He was just really tired last night. The thought settled soundly in his mind.
Later that night, Est went out to the gym. He had already told William that he would go home by himself, but William, the ever gentleman that he is, arrived at the gym, standing patiently near the reception area, hoping to spend a little time with his Phi.
Outside their family's van waiting idly.
“Oh, Puppy?” Est blinked in surprise
”What are you doing here?” Est was shocked seeing William, at the reception area of the gym.
“I came to take you home.” William smiled so brightly that it almost hurt to look at.
Est instinctively looked down at himself.
His shirt clung to his body.
His hair was soaked.
His skin glistened with sweat.
God.
He must be smelling awful.
“No, it's okay,” Est said quickly.
“I can go home by myself.” he said, hesitation in his voice.
His eyes darted around the gym.
Maybe one of his friends had a spare shirt.
Anything.
He just wanted to look presentable before sitting beside William.
“Phi.”
William's voice remained gentle.
“Let's go.”
“I'll wait in the car.”
Before Est could answer, William turned and walked away.
Est rubbed both hands over his face.
Idiot.
Why didn't you bring extra clothes?
He came all the way here for you.
And you rejected him.
Feeling even worse, Est hurried after him and climbed into the backseat beside William.
The privacy partition was already raised.
Neither of them spoke.
The silence stretched throughout the drive.
Est sat rigidly in his seat.
He was painfully aware of everything.
His damp shirt.
The smell of sweat lingering on his skin.
The possibility of staining William's brand-new leather seats.
Beside him, William had his eyes outside..
No teasing.
No random stories.
No reaching for his hand.
Nothing.
Each passing minute made Est shrink further into himself.
By the time they reached his condominium, his embarrassment had become unbearable.
“Thank you, Willy.”
He forced a small laugh.
“Next time. I'll just bring my own car.”
William looked at him.
His lips parted slightly, as though he wanted to say something
Instead
“Good night, Phi.”
“Good night, love.”
Est stepped out hurriedly before the silence could swallow him whole.
He went up to his unit, freshened up and prepared to go to bed. As he settled, he checked his phone to see only one message.
Good night Phi.
Nothing else.
He should have been happy, but he was not.
No heart emojis.
No puppy stickers, no memes.
No voice messages of how his day went
William was sulking.
And he did not know what to do.
He stared at the screen until it dimmed.
Est could not sleep that night. His mind flooded with ideas on how to make it up to William.
The next day, Williams' sulk was still evident in his texts. One line. No emojis, but still consistent.
Good morning.
Don't forget to eat, Phi.
Drink lots of water.
Every message was caring.
Every message was short.
Est tried everything.
He sent photos.
Started conversations.
Shared little stories from his day.
The knot in Est’s chest tightened. Even though he stirred topics, shared so much, a one line reply would always come back.
So he hatched a plan with P’Ko.
He asked his manager to tell William that P’Ko will be the one to pick him up , and on the next day Est would go instead of P’Ko. That would surprise him and that would surely cheer his puppy up.
He thought it was the best plan, until it wasn’t.
William’s eyes sparkled the moment he saw Est picking him to go to the airport
He settled his thing on the back of Est’s trunk, and excitedly ran towards the passenger seat.
“Phi why are you picking me up?” William asked.
“Yeah, P’Ko asked me too,” Est smiled as he saw his puppy light up in joy.
William laughed as he buckled his seatbelt.
Est seized this chance to tease him
“I had to cancel my plans to pick you up, you know.” He jokingly said, waiting for William to laugh.
To pout.
To flirt back.
Instead.
William blinked, he seemed to have frozen in his seat.
“H-Huh?”
"See?" he chuckled softly. "I barely get any alone time now because of a certain puppy."
There wasn't an ounce of complaint in his voice.
Only fondness.
He reached across the center console and intertwined their fingers.
"My clingy puppy."
He gave William's hand a gentle squeeze.
"You don't even know how to drive yet."
A small laugh escaped him.
"Don't worry. I'll drive for you whenever you need me. Anytime you ask. As long as it's you" He smiled without looking away from the road. "I'd gladly drop whatever I'm doing."
But William wasn't hearing the warmth anymore.
Only the words.
Barely get any alone time.
Drop whatever I'm doing.
Clingy.
Each sentence landed like another confirmation of everything he'd been afraid of.
Oblivious to the storm brewing beside him, Est kept talking.
"Even if it means I don't get to hang out with my other friends as much"
He laughed.
"or take a vacation by myself."
The words shattered whatever composure William had left.
A few minutes later, Est pulled into a private parking area near the airport.
He shifted the car into park before turning toward William.
"Willy?"
“Willy? What’s wrong, my love?”His smile disappeared.
William was staring at his lap.
Head lowered.
William bit his lip.
A tear escaped despite his efforts to hold it back.
"I'm sorry, Phi."
His voice barely came out.
He inhaled shakily.
"I'm– I'm sorry."
Another breath.
"I didn't know."
Est frowned.
"Wha–"
"I'm sorry I'm taking so much of your time."
William wiped his face with the back of his hand.
I know how much you value having time for yourself." His voice cracked.
"I really didn't know you felt this way."
Est opened his mouth to speak.
William continued before he could letting out a helpless laugh.
"I just"
His shoulders shook.
"I just really like being with you, Phi."
"So I kept calling."
"I kept texting."
"I wanted to see you whenever I could."
His eyes squeezed shut.
"I didn't know it was becoming too much."
Est's heart dropped.
"No…" Est could not believe what he was hearing.
"I never wanted you to lose your freedom because of me."
William shook his head.
"I never wanted you to stop seeing your friends."
"I never wanted you to feel like choosing me meant giving up parts of your life."
His breathing became uneven.
"And today,” he laughed weakly.
"If I'd known P'Ko didn't actually ask you"
"I would've declined."
"I would've asked Phor or P'Tul to take me."
"I would've never let you cancel your plans."
Silence filled the car.
"I'll learn how to drive when I get back. I promise"
William forced a tiny smile.
"I won't bother you with things like this anymore."
"I'll give you more space."
"You can rest."
"You can spend time with your friends."
"You can have your time to yourself again."
His lips trembled violently.
"I- I–I'll do better."
His voice became almost inaudible.
"I'm sorry.”
Another tear slipped down.
"But I really do love you."
His eyes finally met Est's.
"I love you so much, Phi Est."
"Willy..."
Confusion filled Est's face.
William saw the hesitation.
Saw the confusion.
And mistook it for confirmation.
A bitter laugh escaped him.
He looked down at their intertwined hands before gently lifting Est's hand to his lips.
He pressed a lingering kiss against his knuckles.
"At least while I'm away,"
"you can finally have some time for yourself."
"And your friends."
He smiled through his tears.
"Think of it as a little vacation from me."
"I'll miss you."
"So much."
"Your face."
"Your voice."
"Everything."
"But I'll handle it."
He slowly let go of Est's hand.
"I'll be mature, and become someone easier to love”
“and that you would love me too." that shattered something inside Est.
William reached for the door handle.
"Take care of yourself, Phi."
"I love you."
Before Est could stop him, William climbed out of the car.
He hurriedly pulled his luggage from the trunk without looking back.
Est remained frozen behind the wheel.
His mind still hadn't caught up.
Only when William disappeared into the airport entrance did Est's emotions settled in him.
Tears welled up in his eyes.
His heart ached so much.
Everything William believed.
Had come from him.
The concert ended barely a day ago.
William had barely slept.
His luggage was still half-zipped when his flight landed in Bangkok that late afternoon, and by evening he was finally home, looking forward to nothing more than a shower and an uninterrupted night's sleep, waiting for tomorrow,
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow he and his Phi Est will talk.
His phone buzzed.
Daou.
"William." Daou's voice was unusually serious. "Are you home already?"
William immediately stopped what he was doing.
"Yes Phi, why?"
"It's Est."
A knot formed in his stomach.
"He drank."
William waited.
"A lot. I’ll send you the location.”
The bar was nearly empty by the time William arrived.
Most of the staff were already cleaning up. Glasses had been stacked, chairs tucked beneath tables, the lively music replaced by something soft playing through tired speakers.
Daou was sitting in one of the booths.
In front of him, Est, his head rested sideways on the table, one cheek pressed against his folded arm.
Several empty bottles stood nearby.
He hadn't even noticed William walk in.
Daou looked exhausted.
"I tried getting him up."
William approached quietly.
"Phi Est."
Nothing.
He gently touched Est's shoulder.
The older man stirred with a sleepy hum, his brows knitting together as though waking was the greatest inconvenience imaginable.
"Mmm."
"It's me."
Slowly, Est forced one eye open.
His gaze wandered aimlessly around the room before finally landing on William.
It took several seconds for recognition to settle.
"Puppy." The word came out slurred, barely louder than a whisper
A slow smile spread across his face.
"You came.
Before William could answer, Est's eyes drifted shut again.
His head nearly slid off the table.
William caught him just in time.
"Phi."
"'Aaaaawake" He wasn't.
Within seconds, his breathing had evened out again.
Daou let out a defeated laugh.
"See?"
"I've been trying to wake him for twenty minutes."
"He keeps waking up for five seconds, says one sentence, then passes out again."
William glanced at the empty bottles.
"How much did he drink?"
"I did not know, he called and asked me here. When I arrived, there were several glasses and bottles.”
Daou stood, stretching his stiff back.
"I would've taken him home myself."
He looked between the sleeping Est and William.
"but every time he woke up, he kept asking the same thing."
William looked up.
"'Has Puppy landed yet?'"
William's heart skipped.
"'Call Puppy.'"
"'Puppy's home now, right?'"
Daou shook his head with a fond smile.
"I did not know if you’d arrive today so I called you."
William looked down at Est.
Still asleep.
Still clutching his own jacket sleeve like a child.
"Let's get him home."
Getting Est out of the booth proved far more difficult than either of them expected.
The moment they lifted him upright, he leaned his full weight onto William. The walk to Daou’s car was even more difficult, with Est continuously swaying from side to side.
By the time they reached the apartment, waking him was almost impossible.
"Phi."
Nothing.
"Phi Est."
Only a sleepy groan.
William sighed before carefully slipping one arm beneath Est's knees and the other around his back.
His head lolled against William's shoulder, completely limp, breathing slow and steady.
Daou opened the apartment door with William’s spare key.
"You sure you've got him?"
William adjusted his grip.
"Yeah."
"Thank you, Will," Daou said quietly, returning him the spare key before glancing at the man sleeping against William's shoulder. "And. whatever it is, you guys can talk it out."
William only nodded.
"I'll call you tomorrow."
After Daou left, the apartment fell into silence.
William carried Est to the bedroom as carefully as he could, lowering him onto the mattress with one arm supporting his shoulders and the other easing his legs onto the bed.
Est barely stirred.
A sleepy hum escaped him before he turned his face into the pillow.
William crouched beside the bed and removed Est's shoes one at a time. He loosened the buttons at Est's collar, tugged his jacket off his shoulders.
The smell of alcohol still lingered heavily.
"You'll feel awful if you sleep like this," William murmured.
He disappeared into the bathroom for a moment and returned with a basin of warm water and a soft towel.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, he stripped off Est’s outside clothes so slowly. He wrung the towel until it was only damp before gently pressing it against Est's forehead.
The older man let out a faint sigh.
William carefully wiped away the sheen of sweat along his temples, down the side of his face, and around his neck. He paused every so often, making sure Est remained comfortable.
Then cleaned his hands, the back of his neck, the exposed skin of his forearms, his legs, and his chest.
Est didn't wake, even after his clothes were changed.
Only once did he shift, mumbling something completely unintelligible before settling again.
William smiled to himself.
"So stubborn."
He set the towel aside and brushed a few strands of hair away from Est's forehead.
For a moment, William simply watched him breathe.
Then he pulled the blanket a little higher over Est's shoulder, and kissed his forehead.
"Sleep well, Phi."
Only after making sure the room was cool enough and a glass of water was waiting on the bedside table did William take a change of clothes and quietly head to the bathroom himself.
After a while, William emerged from the bathroom, fresh from the smell of the airport and bar.
He saw Est was sitting on the edge, his head hanging so low his chin nearly touched his chest, his shoulders, trembling.
Panic flashed William’s eyes. He rushed in front of his beloved and dropped to his knees on the cold floor, his hands reaching up on both sides of Est's face.
“Baby? What's wrong? Are you hurt?”
William’s thumbs desperately chased the tears streaming down Est's cheeks, trying to wipe them away faster than they could fall, but Est was suppressing his sobs, biting his lips.
“Baby, please don’t do that. Don’t bite your lip,” William pleaded, his voice cracking. He gently caressed his thumb over Est’s lips, as he pried his face upward, forcing him out of the dark.
“Willy…” a broken sound came out from Est. The devastation in Est’s eyes hit William like a physical blow, breaking his heart into a thousand mini pieces.
“Yes, baby, I’m right here. Tell me what's wrong, hm?” William’s voice dropped to a desperate, soothing whisper.
“Willy… I’m sorry…” Est sobbed out. His fingers twisted frantically into the fabric of his shorts, pulling at the threads as if trying to hold himself together.
“Baby, please, look at me. Why are you sorry, hm?” William captured both of Est’s trembling hands that were fidgeting on his thigh, squeezing them tight, a reminder that he was there, he was willing to listen.
“I’m sorry… you're mad at me … I was drinking…” Est forced words out of his mouth, still intoxicated. His lips were trembling, his words slurred, but William heard everything loud and clear.
“No baby –”
“No!!” Est wailed cutting William off. He continued to sob, his body finally letting go of all his emotions. He slid by the bed, sobbing as he slumped on the floor.
Without a word William pulled Est towards his chest and wrapped his arms around him. One hand rubbed slow circles over his back while the other cradled his nape.
He knows there is no use speaking now.
He knows full well that a sad Est is difficult to comfort.
A drunk Est is difficult to persuade.
A sad, drunk Est was nearly impossible.
For now, he could only offer a hug and soothing touches to calm his Phi.
Slowly, Est’s sobs slowed, until there were only sniffles and his shoulders no longer trembled.
William, still hugging his Phi, slowly pulled back, just enough to look at his face.
“I was bad.” Est sniffled.
His droopy eyes are red and swollen, his cheeks damp with tears and sweat.
William patiently waited for him to talk.
“I was too clingy,”
William blinked in confusion, as if he heard it wrong.
“ Ah… ah… I was inconsiderate, eh… eh… and you fel.. felt I did not love you, t–that you were t-t-too much,, a-aand maybe y-you did not want to see m-me.” Est confessed, still sniffling, still drunk, but is pulling every bit of strength he can to finally let out his feelings.
William felt a heavy burning sensation in his chest as he listened to Est. Too clingy? Inconsiderate?? Him feeling that his Phi did not love him enough?? It did not make sense. William racked his brains, for every bit of encounter the past weeks that might have planted these thoughts inside Est’s mind.
The confusion on William's face only made Est's expression crumple further.
Mistaking it for disappointment, Est lowered his gaze
“Last time…” Est took a deep breath and recalled everything that made him feel that way.
“During dinner, wh-when I linked my arms with yours i-i-in front of our friends, I felt y– yo– you did not like it.
Color drained from William’s face as he remembered last week’s dinner.
” O-on the way home, y– yo– seemed to not like h–h–-holding my hand.”
Memories came rushing in.
Yes, he had been upset that night.
But no, not because of Est clinging to him, as a matter of fact, he was upset because he felt that he was way too clingy as Est described him. Too many calls. Too many messages. Too much
“Aa-and at the gym…” Est continued, struggling through another sniffle.
“ y– yo– went out of your way to p–pick me up, but ah– ah– I was not even able to change clothes, a– aa– and I was sweaty, and I s-s-smelled awful” a broken laugh escaped him.
“and still ah– ah– I went and got i-in the car wi-with you.” Tears continued slipping down his cheeks
“A–a–and then you sulked,”
William closed his eyes.
God.
“Aa-and when you left,” Est continued, wiping his nose roughly with the back of his hand.
“ah– I told P’Ko to tell you that he can’t pick y– you up, and that I will do it instead.” His voice cracked again
“I – I tried to cheer you up, ah-I said things that w-would make you flirt with me back, b-b-but , but –” a sob escaped him
William remembered that day perfectly.
He remembered every word that he said.
And yet somehow Est remembered an entirely different story.
“I-it was my fault, y-you felt that way.” Est’s voice broke completely
Est looked down at his fidgeting hands.
“Ah-ah I tried to text you, t-to call you. But when I asked P’Ko, h-he said y-y-you gave him your phone, s-so you could focus, I t-t-thought y-you grew tired and did not w-want me anymore."
A tear slid down William’s cheek before he realized it.
“T-the-then you texted me.” Est laughed bitterly through his sobs.
“Y-yo-ou said we needed to talk.”
His fingers clenched into the fabric of William's shirt.
“Ah-ah I didn't want to talk.”
Another sob.
“That's why I went drinking.”
Then there was silence, laced with Est’s sobs.
Heavy.
Fragile
Est finally lifted his head. His eyes were desperate, terrified. Bracing himself for the pain.
“D-dont leave me please.”
The words came out broken.
Small.
Barely audible.
“Don't leave me... na.” Est's voice cracked into another sob.
"I love you so much. I'm sorry" he said in between his sobs.
His trembling hands clutched at William's shirt, his knuckles turning white as though loosening his grip would mean losing him forever.
He cried, no, he wailed, as if grieving for a love that hasn’t even left him yet.
William pulled him tightly against his chest.
His own tears fell freely now.
Everything.
Everything had been a misunderstanding.
Every hurt he had been carrying.
Every conclusion he had drawn.
That night after the dinner, William thought Est had been complaining how he had been too clingy.
At the gym, when Est wanted him to go first, he thought Est was ashamed of him, and that he was hesitant and was looking back because he didn't want to be seen with him.
Before he left, William believed Est hated how little time he had left for himself now that they are in a relationship. William thought he had become another obligation, another person asking for more, always needy.
So William stepped back.
He stopped texting, he stopped replying.
But his mind always drifted on Est, he was always wondering how Est was doing, if he had already eaten, if he slept well, if someone made him happy, or sad, or annoyed. He missed his Phi’s voice, his laugh, his constant rambles about anything.
He kept his feelings to himself, thinking that Est needs to be free from him even for a short while.
All this time, all his silence, he was trying not to suffocate Est.
And Est had been quietly blaming himself for hurting him.
God.
They had been loving each other in the wrong language.
William tightened his embrace until he thought he could somehow hold every ounce of fear out of Est's heart.
"I'm sorry baby," he whispered, though he wasn't sure if Est could still hear him. "I'm so, so sorry. I love you." He planted a kiss on his head.
“I love you baby.” he whispered.
Slowly, Est's sobs dwindled into uneven breaths.
“I’m sorry my love, I did not know.” tears disappeared on Est’s hairs, as he kissed the top of his head, repeatedly.
The grip on William's shirt loosened.
His body went limp, surrendering to exhaustion as his full weight slumped against
William's chest.
Within moments, he had cried himself to sleep.
William didn't move.
He simply held him closer, tears still streaming down his face, his cheek resting against Est's hair, wishing he could go back in time and erase every misunderstanding that had brought them to this night.