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He and Julian are open. Always have been, always will be. Yet Kai has always been good at keeping his bed to himself, even when Julian doesn’t get called up to the national team with him. So when the World Cup rolls by and Nick Woltemade comes into his line of sight, Kai cannot help a tiny feeling of guilt wrenching into his heart.
But Nick proves to be quite irresistible that Kai cannot really find it in him to ignore the Newcastle striker. His broad and muscular build. His curly blonde hair and mustache that wouldn’t look out of place in Rudi Voller’s time. His kindness and dry sense of humor. And oh, has it been mentioned that Nick is tall? He’s one of the few people who can make Kai feel short, and that’s not something he experiences a lot in his daily life.
He doesn’t hate it, though.
So, figuring out that there are worse people he could've spent his time with, it soon becomes habitual for Kai to have Nick around him, eating their meals together, having each other as partners in paired exercises, playing badminton together to wind down after a long day of training. It’s always nice to have a close friend in the national team, anyhow.
Nothing would happen. He’s sure of it.
-
Kai makes a start for Germany against USA in a friendly, and he nets a goal in the 2nd minute.
It’s always nice to score, no matter if it’s a competitive game or not, so Kai’s in a pretty good mood throughout the match. He knows he won’t play the full 90 minutes, since it’s just a friendly and he needs to keep his fitness level for the World Cup, so he isn’t surprised to find himself getting subbed off in the 61th minute.
But what perplexes him is the numbers popping on the substitution board. Instead of showing 11 for Nick, it says 26 for Deniz Undav instead.
Confused, Kai just walks towards the bench and hugs Deniz a bit as the Stuttgart forward runs to the pitch. Taking off his top and grabbing a bib, Kai makes his way around the bench and plops himself on an empty seat beside Nick. “I thought you’re going to get subbed in for me,” he whispers.
Surprise flickering inside Nick’s eyes before his face smooths back into a smile. “Well, I did play in the last game against Finland, but I did nothing while Deniz scored twice, so probably Coach wants to see more of him now,” he says, voice light. “Besides it’s just a friendly game, nothing important. I will get my chances, Kai, don’t fret.”
“…If you say so.”
-
What constitutes a good striker?
Goals would be the easiest answer. All the best strikers in the world have plenty in their arsenal. Harry Kane, Robert Lewandowski, Erling Haaland, you name it.
Nick has goals too. There’s no doubt about it. He even scored one against Arsenal, a beautiful header made all too easy by his height. And though he has had a difficult spell with Newcastle in which he once failed to score in fourteen matches, Kai thinks it’s more because Eddie Howe tried to play Nick as an attacking midfielder instead of striker.
He discusses it with Nick one day at dinner, and the blonde merely laughs. “I don’t grudge him for that,” he says, dropping a giant piece of steak onto his plate. “No matter what position he puts me in, it’s still my job to score. Besides, modern forwards need to have more than just goals, you know.”
It’s true. Kai can almost hear Mikel at that very moment, yelling about tracking back and linking up play, and he has to suppress a smile. There’s no doubt that Eddie Howe would’ve said the same thing to Nick.
“And you’re better at those things than me, I think,” Nick continues, munching on his steak. “With everything you’ve achieved with Arsenal this season, I think you deserve to be Germany’s first choice striker.”
“I didn’t score as many as you, though,” Kai says, embarrassed. Sure, he is proud of his team and the league title they’ve finally snatched after goodness knows how many years, but that doesn’t mean Julian Nagelsmann should automatically choose him.
“You’re injured for most of the season,” Nick points out. “And even then you still managed to score in the Champions League final. Don’t rule yourself out, Kai. I know you have plenty to offer to the team.”
“…Thank you.”
They lapse into silence afterwards, Nick busily eating and Kai trying to hide the blush spreading on his cheeks, until the blonde excuses himself saying he needs to get more food. Being a giant, Nick needs to eat a massive amount of food to keep up with his own body, and Kai’s used to seeing him grab four or five additional portions each time. But as he lifts up his head to see where Nick’s going, Leroy suddenly pops up, blocking his line of sight.
The Galatasaray winger has a smirk on his face, and Kai immediately gets a hunch that it’s not going to be something good. But before he can do anything, Leroy already leans forward and whispers, loud enough to be audible but soft enough for no one else to hear, “Got yourself a fanboy, didn’t you?”
“He’s not my fanboy,” Kai protests, albeit a bit weakly. “For starters, Nick and I are teammates, Leroy. We were just discussing our positions, and our role in the team, and our respective strengths, we…”
Leroy shrugs. “Perhaps, but he seems to admire you a little too much. And are you sure he just wants to be teammates?”
“…Why would he want to be anything else?”
There’s a twinkle in Leroy’s eyes as the winger looks around the dining room. “Well, you know what our team is like.”
Following the direction of Leroy’s gaze, Kai’s eyes catch Florian and Jamal, giggling together in one corner of the room as they feed each other some strawberries and cream. The other corner is occupied by Deniz and Nadiem, both looking shy and blushing as they quietly talk to each other. Then he sees Leon, laughing uproariously at one of Joshua’s dry jokes. And there’s also Manu, looking slightly forlorn as he talks to Thomas through video-call on his phone.
“So you see,” Leroy continues, “that our team’s not the straightest one there is, so there’s no judgement here if you wish to date any of your teammates, you…”
“You know I’m not exactly in the closet either,” Kai says, exasperated. “I’ve been out to you guys since forever. I’m dating Julian. And Declan too in England.”
“Perhaps,” Leroy says, shrugging again. “But neither of them are here now, and judging the situation of your relationships, I’d say it’ll be fine for you to have another now. Nick is not a bad guy, per se. And he certainly likes you.”
“Like me?? He might not even be into guys, Leroy.”
Leroy lets out a snort, this time loud enough to make Joshua turn around and give him a frown of disapproval. “Tell you what, if Nick turns out to be straight, I’ll shave my head bal–”
“Is there a problem here?”
Nick has returned, this time carrying a few thick slabs of steak on his plate and a small mountain of mashed potatoes. Obviously, he doesn’t want to keep walking back to the serving table every so often. His eyes fall onto Leroy, and Kai’s suddenly gripped by a wave of panic. Nick hasn’t heard any of his conversation with Leroy, right? If he knows they’re talking about him and his sexuality earlier…
“Nothing, Nick,” Leroy replies smoothly, and Kai finds himself breathing a sigh of relief. “Kai and I were just talking about the team’s movie night tomorrow. Nothing too important. I was just about to get back to my table.”
He says it so innocently that Kai would’ve accepted it had it not been for their conversation earlier. But it seems like Nick believes him, for the blonde merely nods as Leroy sits back on his own table next to them. “Sorry for taking so long,” he says to Kai, placing his plate on the table. “I just wanted to make sure I have enough to last me until tomorrow. And oh, I also get this for you.”
And he places a bowl of ice cream in front of Kai.
Kai’s mouth waters at the sight of it, and he feels his face heating up again. It’s not the first time someone has grabbed him some food he likes. Julian does it for him often, and so does Declan. Yet the gesture still feels incredibly sweet, and after a murmured “thank you”, Kai quickly looks away so Nick won’t see his red face.
He locks eyes with the still-grinning Leroy instead.
Nice, Leroy mouths.
Kai ignores him.
-
Nagelsmann allows them to invite their partners and families to the national team camp for one day, so on that particular day, the place is totally packed.
Sophia comes with Romeo in her arms, and Kai gives her a customary hug and kiss while cooing over the baby. He doesn’t ask where and whom Sophia spent her previous day with. Probably vacationing with her friends to visit one of USA’s many tourist attractions, or hanging out with Helene, the latter more likely than the other. Their arrangement might be a little weird, but it works for all parties involved, and everyone is happy.
As they make their way inside, Sophia chattering about how Romeo has refused to drink his milk this morning, Kai looks around to his teammates. Most of them have their people around, of course. Rio Stella and Milo are both clinging happily onto Leroy while the winger tries to hug his wife. Serge, his injured right leg wrapped in a bandage, is being dragged to the elevator by both Joshua and Leon. Manu has Thomas in his arms, and Kai thinks he’s never seen the goalie smiling so brightly in ages.
Then he spots Nick, and he almost does a double take.
The Newcastle striker has exactly one person with him, a guy considerably shorter than him, with short, bleached blonde hair and slightly droopy, light brown eyes, but what shocks Kai is that he knows that the guy isn’t a family member of Nick’s. No, it’s Silas Steinwedel, Nick’s best friend and roommate.
Now, Kai understands that Nagelsmann’s invitation isn’t exactly limited to nuclear families, they’re allowed to invite whoever they like, and as far as Kai knows, Nick doesn’t have any girlfriend at the moment, but still, it’s a little weird to have your roommate here while the others are with their families and/or partners. And while it’s very possible that Nick and Silas are more than just friends, Kai doesn’t see anything suspicious in their interactions either.
He’s snapped out of his reverie by a loud cough from Sophia.
“Are you even listening to me?” she huffs, crossing her arms and staring accusingly at Kai.
“I’m sorry,” Kai immediately apologizes. No matter what kind of actual relationship is between them, she’s still his wife, and he does like Sophia as a person and enjoys her company. “I was just…wondering about Nick there. I mean, he has no one here with him but his roommate, and I was looking for some…signs that they might be more than that, you know, but I saw nothing, so yeah… I might’ve been overthinking about it.”
He expects Sophia to be pissed, maybe admonishing him for paying more attention to other people instead of his own family, but much to his surprise, the brunette only laughs. “Is that why you’ve been more silent than usual?” she says, a twinkle in her eyes. “Because you’ve been worrying about your new crush?”
“He’s not my crush!” Kai responds, albeit a split second too quickly. “We’re just good friends, we…”
“Mmm.” Sophia nods, a knowing look in her face. “Just like he and that short guy are just good friends? Just like you and Julian, or Declan?”
“…How do you…?”
“You spent basically 80% of our call last night talking about him,” she says, rolling her eyes. “It’s literally not rocket science. Really, Kai, you’re not as subtle as you think you are, and if you pay more attention, you’ll find that neither are Nick and his ‘roommate’.”
Stunned, Kai turns back at Nick and Silas. There’s still nothing really obvious between them, no hugging or kissing, just two guys standing together at a safe distance while talking. But as Kai looks at them more closely, he notices how their pinkies are brushing against each others’ ever so slightly, not quite interlocking together but definitely touching. He sees the faintest blush spreading across Silas’ face when he laughs at something Nick says. And of course, there’s this look in Nick’s eyes as he looks at Silas – soft, almost sad, yet loving at the same time.
Kai feels color rising to his face, and he quickly looks away as if he’s just uncovered a secret he’s not supposed to know.
Sophia is right. Nick does like guys, and whatever it is between him and Silas, it’s certainly more than just roommates. Not that Kai is going to judge him, they’re Germany national team after all, where probably 80% of the players are into guys, and Kai himself is dating two. But then another realization hits him and he lets out a groan.
He likes Nick too.
And while the Newcastle striker’s apparent sexuality might not be a problem, Kai certainly has no intention of being a homewrecker.
-
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
“I haven’t.”
“Well then, you’ve been more silent than usual and I want to know what’s wrong.”
Kai sighs, biting his lower lip. He hates lying, and he certainly doesn’t want to do it to Nick, but he really doesn’t know what to say.
“Is it about the striker position?” Nick asks, confusion lacing his voice. “Do you still think I deserve it better than you or something?”
Nagelsmann has indeed chosen Kai as his starting striker for their opening World Cup game, a news that Kai has received with slightly mixed feelings. Sure he’s happy and proud to represent his country and possibly bring some glory for it, but does he really deserve it? His performance during the last World Cup had left a lot to be desired, Germany had crashed out early in the most embarrassing fashion, and he certainly doesn’t want history to repeat itself.
Nick studies Kai’s face for a while before reaching out and giving Kai a gentle pat on the shoulder. “I don’t know what you’re worrying about,” he says, voice soft. “But Coach has chosen you, that means he thinks you’re the best option for Germany right now. And he knows you’ll do well in the game. You’re a great footballer, Kai. Don’t let people tell you otherwise.”
Those words, alongside Nick’s soft touch, somehow send a wave of relaxation through Kai’s body, so much that before he knows it, he already opens his mouth and blurts out, “Actually yes, I’m worrying about it, but it’s not…well, it’s not only that.”
“What is it then?”
Kai swallows. This isn’t part of his plan, but there’s no way to avoid it now. So, as boldly as he can muster, he says, “I saw you with Silas yesterday.”
He’s almost afraid to see Nick’s reaction, but the blonde’s face doesn’t show any change in expression. Instead he just raises his eyebrows and asks, “And? What’s with him?”
“Are you…” Kai swallows again, tugging nervously at the collar of his shirt, “are you and him, uh, dating?”
“Well, yes, we are.”
Kai blinks, once, twice. While he certainly wishes Nick to tell him the truth, he certainly hasn’t expected the Newcastle striker to tell him so easily. He’s been silently preparing for Nick to be mad at him, probably denying it and so forth, but there he is, admitting it as easily as saying that the sky is blue.
“I mean,” Nick continues, scratching his head, “I guess I’ve never really said it openly to the whole team, but I’m not exactly closeted either. Silas lives with me, none of us has any girlfriends, and he’s almost always there with me during international breaks… I thought you guys would figure out by yourselves, considering how many gays are here.”
Embarrassed, Kai can only give a nod and look down to hide his blush. Nick has a point, he should’ve known.
“And oh, we’re open.”
Kai nearly chokes on his own spit hearing that last part coming out of Nick’s mouth. “What???”
“I said what I said,” Nick says, shrugging. “Silas and I have decided about it from the beginning. I mean, he’s dating me, sure, but he has his own life too, and as a footballer, I’m always surrounded by a bunch of hot men in any shape and form, his words not mine, so chances are I’m going to hook up with some of my teammates, and he’s perfectly fine with that. Just like how Julian and Declan feel the same about you, I guess.”
Kai is sure even a tomato garden would be jealous of his face now.
Nick studies Kai’s face for a few seconds before his face breaks into a grin and he leans closer. “How about I propose something,” he whispers conspiratorially, eyes twinkling with mischief. “If you play well and score on our first game, I’ll give you a special gift.”
“…What kind of special gift?”
“Well, it won’t be special if you’ve already known what it is, no?” Nick laughs, patting Kai’s shoulder again gently. “Just calm down for now, and tomorrow, when we go against Curacao, do your best.”
And Kai does.
-
They absolutely destroy Curacao, 7-1, and Kai scores two.
The whole team celebrates in the hotel bar with music and beer, despite Nagelsmann trying in vain to remind them that it’s just the first game, that it’s “just” Curacao and there will still be many more games to go. After a while, the coach gives up and just retreats to his room, with reminders to Joshua and Manu not to let everyone go to bed too late.
Kai participates in the celebration, of course, how can he not? After all, he did play a part in the demolition, and while he’s not an arrogant person by any means, he feels he deserves the praise too. All the same, he also keeps an eye on Nick, waiting for the ‘special gift’ the blonde has mentioned, despite Kai having pretty much guessed what it could be.
His wish comes into fruition when Nick, after a few rounds of drinks, finally comes and drags Kai to his bedroom.
“Have you ever been with a striker before?” Nick asks as he undresses himself.
Kai thinks for a while, really recounts all of his previous sexual partners in his head. “No,” he answers honestly. “A forward, yes…but not exactly a striker, per se.”
Nick’s face breaks into the biggest grin Kai has ever seen on him, showing two rows of very white teeth. “Well, then I’ll show you why some people love strikers,” he responds, tugging on the front of Kai’s pants. “We’re really good at shooting our shots.”
Kai smiles back. “Show me then.”