Chapter Text
Feliciano saw the best in everything. Even when there was virtually no hope, he saw the silver lining, the small sliver of light from the open door of an escape, an exit. Lovino, on the other hand, didn’t believe in hope. Hope was just a coping mechanism that people who were pathetic and can’t stand their own ground use. His brother was pathetic. Feliciano was always showered in attention, he couldn’t go without his precious Ludwig for more than an hour. Lovino would always say he resented his brother, but maybe his supposed resentment was a mistranslation. Maybe, just maybe his hatred was jealousy. Jealousy for the life he could’ve had. Even the only man Lovino tolerated, Gilbert, loved Feliciano. Why shouldn’t he? Feliciano was everything Lovino wasn’t. Every flaw Lovino had that Gilbert could find was just amplified when compared to his brother.
Lovino sat on the edge of his bed staring at the wall across from him, the poster he had ripped and taped and ripped and retaped at every fit of rage he had stared back at him. It was a print his brother created for him. He could hear his brother and Gilbert downstairs laughing and having fun. Without him. He shouldn’t feel bad about that, he wasn’t included in like, anything. But this time, this time it hurt, the one person he confided in and understood him… hanging out and having more fun with his brother. His stupid brother. His brother who was just so “perfect” at everything. He wasn’t perfect. He never would be. Not when his light was always dimmed by Feliciano’s. Feliciano shone like the sun, the star at the center of everything humanity cared about. Everyone orbits him, everyone is gravitated towards him. Lovino was like a dying star. As the star dies, loses its light, its shine, its passion, whatever was orbiting it before, moves away to a bigger brighter star.
His anger built as he thought, he needed to let it out. He looked at his messy bedside stand, grabbed a picture of him and Feliciano. God, even his life was centered around him! While his hand shook involuntarily, he threw the framed picture at the print made for him. Feliciano heard the crash and opened the door to Lovino’s room. “Fratello? Va tutto bene?” Lovino flapped his hand in his brother’s general direction, “Sì, va tutto alla grande.” He stood and trekked through his messy room to exit his room. He walked down the stairs, he saw Gilbert hanging over the side of the couch, clearly bored. Lovino sighed and rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen. Feliciano followed behind him like a stray puppy. While browsing through the fridge’s contents, which, truthfully wasn’t much, he spoke, “Y’know if you two are going to hang out without me you should probably do it somewhere other than my house.” He said as he grabbed a tomato and bit into it like an apple. “Well we were hanging out with you until you decided to dramatically brood in your room.” Gilbert piped up, still clearly bored out of his mind. Lovino shut the fridge turning towards Gilbert, “That was my attempt of telling you to leave.” Gilbert groaned and stood, “Fine, message gotten, c’mon Feli,” Gilbert said leaving, Feliciano right behind him. Their absence leaving Lovino alone, again.
Lovino heard some noise from outside his window, he pushed his curtain open and saw Gilbert and Feliciano were fucking frolicking in his front yard! Why wouldn’t they just leave him alone? He didn’t have enough energy to actually get them off his property so he just stood eating his tomato. He jerked involuntarily and his tomato fell to the ground. “Merda!” He hissed. He picked up his tomato and tossed it into his trash bin. He still heard Gilbert and Feliciano giggling like little school girls. God they were both so obnoxious. He thought going upstairs would make them sound quieter but, no. Unfortunately, nothing went in Lovino’s favor. He went back upstairs and into his room. The floors of his room were covered in his dirty laundry, trash, and broken items he threw or dropped. He never really had the energy to clean anything. That’s something he hated about Gilbert, he was such a clean freak. He was always insistent that a clean space was beneficial for the mind or some bullshit.
He made his way back to his bed, in the process, stepping on a shard of glass from the picture frame he broke. He winced at the pain and picked it out of his foot, luckily it was a large piece. He picked up the picture that was encased in the frame. He looked at the picture, reminiscing on the day the picture was taken. In the image, Feliciano had his arm around Lovino’s shoulder, his other arm waving excitedly in the air, his head leaning on his older brother, who was hunched over to try to avoid the picture. Feliciano warm brown hair looked beautiful in the sunlight, in the sun you could see all the undertones that hid behind his hair. His face lit up in the picture, it was clear he was enjoying himself. Lovino, on the other hand looked terrible. His dark looked terrible all the time, so it was no wonder the sunlight wasn’t beneficial. His curls were disheveled and his one curl that stuck out from his head was jagged and crooked, clearly showing he was agitated. He grimace in the picture attempting to push his brother off of him.
~•~
On that day, Lovino, Feliciano, Gilbert, and Ludwig all were on a picnic. It was Feliciano’s idea, originally just being him Lovino and Ludwig, Gilbert was invited last minute so Lovino wasn’t third wheeling the entire time. Later into the day, Ludwig and Feliciano were both enthralled in a very interesting conversation, so Gilbert and Lovino were both quite bored. They decided to sneak off while the two lovers continued their conversation. They took a walk in the woods that surrounded the field they were in. Lovino wasn’t particularly thrilled with the presence of Gilbert. While they walked, Gilbert tried to make small talk that was shut down immediately. Eventually, they found a little clearing in the woods. They sat and had simple conversations. Mostly being about their brothers. Eventually, their conversation drifted into silence. The sun was beginning to set, the orange light shone through the leaves casting a shadow over the two. The breeze was cool and the air smelled of pine.
Lovino looked at Gilbert, the orange light made him look… decent. It made his red eyes glow and his white hair and pale skin radiate light and warmth which wasn’t typically the vibe he got from the man. Lovino didn’t notice it, but Gilbert was also admiring him. The setting was truthfully quite pleasant. Lovino would never admit it but the time he’d spent with Gilbert was nice. He was often a showy asshole who was always bragging about how awesome he was. It’s almost like it’s a facade to hide his own insecurities. “I know you don’t think you’re as awesome as you say you are.” Lovino finally said. Gilbert scoffed, “Please, everyone thinks i’m awesome, it’s not my fault i’m good at everything. Lovino rolled his eyes, “Please, i know when someone’s faking, you can be…” he paused. Why was he being so nice to him. Lovino was never nice to anyone. “You can be honest with me, jerk,” good save. Gilbert huffed as his shoulders stiffened, “Everyone has moments of insecurity, that doesn’t make me any less awesome!” Lovino crossed his arms and looked away from the other man. “I know what it’s like to be undermined by your brother.”
~•~
God, why’d he even open up to that jerk? He knew he’d eventually distance himself from Lovino and use his moment of weakness against him. He knew because that’s what Gilbert does, he’s proven it time and time again. He didn’t necessarily do it yet but he knew it would happen soon because that’s just the man Gilbert was, an asshole. Lovino plopped down onto his bed and laid down. He closed his eyes as he curled up. The only place he was safe to be vulnerable was his own room. Honestly, it was pathetic that anyone else tried to get someone else’s shoulder to cry on. Someone to help them out when they didn’t feel like getting out of a situation themself. If you truly can’t get out of a situation no one can save you from it. You have to face the inevitable eventually, anyone who relies on someone else for support is weak. Lovino, on the other hand, didn’t need anyone. He was fine by himself before and he will be in the future. It saves him from a life time of agony of watching people he chose to care about slowly die off as he continued to live. As Lovino continued comparing himself to others, he dosed off.
He was rudely awoken by Feliciano barging into his room. He apparently wanted to check up on him before he left for his house. He jumped onto his bed and hugged his brother. “Tomorrow i’m getting lunch with Ludwig if you want to come!” Lovino groaned and pushed his little brother off of him, “And why would i want to do that?” Feliciano adjusted his position and sat criss-cross next to his brother. “Because, you never leave the house unless I force you too?” Lovino sighed and laid back down, “If I say yes will you leave me alone jerk?” Feliciano thought for a second then nodded, “I’ll also ask Ludwig to invite gilbert so you won’t be lonely!” Lovino groaned and gritted his teeth, “You can leave now, you jerk.” He spoke in louder voice to his younger brother. He hopped off of his bed and Lovino listened until he heard his door click shut.
He sat up and sighed. Why was it whenever he got a chance to be with someone it always had something to do with Feliciano. It’s probably because he actually had a social life. He didn’t shrivel at the idea of social confrontation. Social isolation was in fact something Lovino thrived at. His stomach grumbled, clearly his quarter of a tomato was not nearly as filling as he wanted it to be. He was too tired to get up, he’d eat something in the morning. Or, he could just not eat in the morning and get something decent to eat for lunch. He assumed Feliciano wouldn’t settle for anything other than Italian and that’s all the Lovino ate so he could live with that. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He wished he could be more like his grandpa. Grandpa Rome was the one who took care of him and his brother until he died. He always favored Feliciano, he was more talented in almost everything Grandpa Rome was interested in. He was the clear choice for favoritism. Sure Lovino still tried to show passion in what his grandpa liked but in the end he couldn’t measure up to what he was supposed to be. No matter what situation, he will always be worse, less talented, less charismatic, less kind, less everything that makes someone good. He will never even be close to comparable to his younger brother. I mean, really, who could say their younger brother is better than them at everything? Lovino could clearly. As he continued to think, he fell back asleep. Falling into the soothing rhythm of rain falling on the roof of his home.