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Linguistically Challenged

Summary:

Four Angels and a Demigod vs. A dog

Who wins?

Obvious answer, right?

Except in this world, everybody looses.

Notes:

I was acting as a sleepless and became sleep deprived. Shocker.

Read at your own peril.

Goodnight.

Work Text:

Behind the Fool's cathedral in the New Silver City, a strange phenomenon was occurring.

Derrick Berg, youngest pope of the youngest church was participating in a staring contest with a dog. Said dog was short, scruffy and surprisingly good at staring contests. Her large eyes reflected the bright blonde hair of her opponent whose grey eyes were already leaking.

He had knelt down to be able to look at her eye to eye and when that wasn't enough had sat down in front of her.

A soft afternoon breeze blew gently but to Derrick's burning eyes it was the irritant which made him concede defeat.

"Fine." He sighed out. "You win. Now tell me what you want, and I can give it to you."

He was met with silence as one is prone to be when talking with dogs; even ones that love you dearly and want to bark back their words in Human. Unfortunately, Derrick having lived the majority of his life in the Forsaken Land of the Gods where dogs were uncommon did not know that.

"Come on, tell me. I promise that I'll give it to you."

More silence. Perhaps this dog was a foreigner who had travelled from a different country and didn't understand Jotun? This time of the year was a popular time for tourists to visit the Archipelago or so Mr. Danitz had told him.

So, he repeated the question in broken Loenese and then in butchered Intisian. (Franca had not been the best of teachers)

Just in case the dog had a passion for the mystical, he tried Ancient Hermes and then Hermes but it was all for naught.

He was contemplating the chances of the dog being Elvish when a door of starry light opened next to him. Madam Magician stepped out and looked around.

Madam Magician had a sequence by the name of Traveler. She must be well versed in the ways of tourists! With such an idea, he waved at her and said cheerfully, "Madam Magician! Could you help me with this?"

She knelt down beside him and looked curiously at the dog. "Sure! What's the matter, little Sun?"

"This dog is a tourist from out of town, and I do not know the language she speaks. I've already tried Loenese and Intisian but those are the only ones I know. She maybe from one of the other nations. Can you try and find out which one?"

The Magician was very well travelled and made it a point to learn at least the basics of the language of every place she visited. She started talking to the dog in Dutanese, Highlander, Lenburg and all of their dialects and subbranches and off shoots and roots. She even tried a few languages she had picked up during her travels in the cosmos.

But through all the linguistical bombardment, the dog remained quiet and it seemed no words could reach her, and Derrick would never get his answer.

As the Magician tried to remember whether she had missed any languages, Derrick thought of ways to resolve this matter.

The dog whined and Derrick was sure that it had asked them to hurry up.

"Do you know anything useful about dogs?" Derrick asked in hopes of finding a clue and helping the dog.

"Not really. Maybe she's asking for directions back to her dog-family? Or perhaps she belongs to someone and is lost? Oh no, what if she's a human stuck as a dog? But she could also be-"

Derrick decided to interrupt. If the Magician started talking theories, she could go on for hours. When they were theorizing about what had happened to Mr. World when he was asleep, she alone had talked till the meeting reached the six-hour mark. A record which was yet unbroken.

"Then do you know anyone who might?"

Fors Wall looked a bit startled as she was shaken from her ramblings. Turning over the new question in her mind, she stood up and started pacing.

"An expert in dogs..." She muttered under her breath. A few moments later she came to a realization. "A Beast tamer! Sequence 8 of the Moon pathway!"

"Mr. Moon can help us? I didn't know his pathway contained such a sequence."

"He is a vampire. He must be a natural born Beast Tamer. He can help us for sure. Let me just-"

Madam Magician opened a illusory door. She stuck her hand through it and dragged out a confused Emlyn White by his coattails.

"Madam Magician! At least warn me before doing that." Shaking of the glitter that had fallen on his coat and shirt he looked around. "Where are we? Hadn't you gone to bring the Su-"He saw the Derrick still sitting and looking back up at him with a dog besides him.

"There you are Mr. Sun. What's this then? A raccoon?"

Derrick looked at the dog. The dog looked back at him. Was it really a dog?

Madam Magician must have had the same thoughts as she started muttering again. "I knew it! It wasn't a dog. But a raccoon? I'm not sure... The possibility that it is a shapeshifter still exists and-"

Once again, Derrick interrupted "I think she is a dog. She did bark at me a bit before. But I'm not sure if raccoons bark." Was Mr. Moon really an expert on animals? Perhaps it would be best to call the Hanged Man.

Emlyn stepped forward to study the creature. Peering at it, he said, "I'm not really sure."

Fors looked at him in disbelief. "Aren't you supposed to be a beast tamer? Tell us what this dog is trying to say."

"How should I know?" Mr. Moon exclaimed. "I don't speak Dog! They cost money I'd rather spend on my dolls."

"Then what sort of a beast tamer are you? How did you manage to digest your potion?"

"Beast tamers can't talk to animals! And I didn't take a potion for that sequence! I was born as a sequence 7!!"

"You're no help at all then." Fors Wall turned away from him and resumed her pacing.

Wanting to cheer up the atmosphere a little, Derrick gave a suggestion. "So now we need only find someone who can speak dog. Isn't that right Madam Magician?"

"Quite right little Sun. Quite right." She walked a few more rounds. An image of another dog delivering letters to her and Xio came to her mind. Of course! Only a dog could be an expert on dogs.

"Susie! And Audrey!" She exclaimed.

Another starry door was opened.

Susie and her faithful companion Audrey Hall stepped out.

Immediately Audrey looked at Derrick and smiled. "Your problem is quite simple. It'll indeed be best if Susie takes the lead on this one."

Ms. Justice always knew what to say. Just being in her presence for a few minutes was enough to make Derrick feel calm and carefree.

Susie strode ahead and came snout to snout with the Dog.

"Audrey, are humans other than you stupid? This dog is not a beyonder. She cannot speak in the human tongue."

The Sun was confused. "What? But why? She is a dog like you and you can speak human?"

Fors was surprised as well. "She isn't a Beyonder? Little Sun you should have told me that."

Emlyn was a bit embarrassed. "So it was a dog after all!"

Susie spoke patiently as if to a child, "Only Beyonder animals can speak Human. She is not one and therefore she can only speak Dog."

"Oh. So we won't be able to understand her?" Asked the Sun, a little cloudy.

"Of course we will. I'm a dog and quite fluent in it." Susie turned to her fellow quadruped and barked.

The dog who had been silently observing the new arrivals shook her head and barked back.

Another bark.

A growl.

Bark.

Bark bark bark.

The conversation seemed to have ended with this exchange.

Susie looked at Derrick and sniffed. She barked a last bark at the other dog.

Finally the conversation was finished.

Now facing her human companions, she introduced her fellow canine "This is Jade."

Eagerly Derrick asked, "What did Jade say? Why was she following me around?"

"She wants me and her to eat the butter you made and are keeping in your pocket."

"The peanut butter I made with the recipe Mr. World gave me? Why?"

"She says it smells quite good."

Derrick took out the small bottle and opened it to smell it himself.

"Just give it to us. Aren't you all late for the gathering already?"

Fors swore. The Tarot Club gathering she was supposed to fetch the Sun for. She had almost forgotten about it.

The Sun looked worried. "But what will I show Mr. World if I give it to you?"

Susie sighed in the way only dog can. "You'll have two taste testers and we can tell him that you had made excellent peanut butter."

At the mention of Mr. World, Fors had panicked. She was late! Just as Derrick (reluctantly) handed over the jar to Susie, she opened a large door back to Backlund. Everyone fell through and the only one left behind was Jade.

The small, scruffy dog looked around at the now deserted clearing. She could have been confused, she could have been sad. Perhaps even a little mad.

On her journey, such things happened. There will always be more peanut butter to eat.

A hungry dog always finds her way to food.