Work Text:
Sanity Check
"Kara, there's something... important I need to talk to you about," Lena says. They're alone together in her office, the lunch that Kara had all but forced her to eat finished on the coffee table in front of the couch they share. Kara perks up at her words, alert but not guarded at her tone. Lena's glad for that much, that Kara is so willing to hear her out.
"Yeah, you can talk to me about anything," Kara says.
"I... I know. And this is- it's something I don't think anyone else is qualified to speak to."
Kara blinks at her, pretty blue eyes behind her usual glasses narrowing just a touch. "Qualified... I'm not really qualified for all that much, but I'm happy to help."
"You are qualified when the subject is, well, me."
"You?"
Kara's face is wholly open again, and Lena wrings her hands together. She stands and moves to the wall behind her desk, rests a finger in the perfect spot to land on the fingerprint scanner and reveal a false cabinet in the wall. There's a safe in there, lined with lead, and when she opens it she finds the source of her worry: a small metal box, also lined with lead. She pulls it out, closes the false wall, and returns to the couch with Kara.
"I need a- a sanity check, I guess," she starts. "You believe in me so much, and I can't tell you how much that means to me. You're the only one who ever has."
Kara's eyes dart from the metal box in her hands to her face, searching for something, but Lena isn't sure what.
"It sounds like I'm getting through to you," Kara says, voice carefully light. Perhaps she's already guessed the contents of the box.
"I want you to hear me out, to hear my reasons. I- I'm not my brother, I know that much, but I don't trust myself to know if I'm following the same path. And you- you know me, and you know Supergirl, and- there's no one I trust more than you."
Kara nods, her face serious. Her eyes drop to the box again and her jaw clenches, and Lena wants to reach a hand up and soothe the tension away, but this is important. If she fails to get Kara's approval, she's not sure what it will mean for her, for their friendship, for her working relationship with Supergirl. She's not sure what it will mean for her mental health, frankly, if she's on the way to becoming another Lex.
She takes a deep breath. "I've been going over L-Corp's holdings, slowly and carefully so I don't miss anything, and a few days ago I came upon some paperwork and expenses pointing to a lab, out in the desert. I took a security detail there- I didn't let them see any of the notes or machinery, beyond what they could see from clearing the room of obvious threats. I never let anyone see one of Lex's labs, just in case. There's too much at stake, and while I've managed to ferret out many of his vocal supporters and sympathizers in the company, I don't know if I'll ever fully be rid of them."
Kara is watching her again, eyes meeting Lena's instead of trained on the box. She nods for Lena to continue.
"I found this in that lab. You may have already guessed. It's kryptonite. Not much, I imagine it was only for testing, radiological studies, spectrum graphing and the like, but it doesn't take much, does it? To hurt Supergirl?"
"A splinter," Kara answers. "Less."
She hasn't pulled away and called Lena a monster yet, so Lena nods and carries on. "I- I'm not afraid of Supergirl, not like my brother was. I think she's trying to do good in the world, as Superman does. But there are some things that are undeniable. They both have so much power, and there's so little that can affect them."
She holds a hand up to interrupt herself. "Let me be clear; I know there's a place in this world for aliens, even those with powers that far surpass what humans can naturally do. This isn't about fear, or anger, or xenophobia or anything like that. Well, not fear of Supergirl or Superman, not directly."
She takes another deep breath. "They're invulnerable, but they're not invincible. Something happened to Supergirl before I got here, she went on some kind of rampage. Something did that to her, something made her act out, and whatever stopped her, whatever brought her back to herself, was it a permanent cure? A vaccine against whatever it was that made her lose control? And there's all kinds of new technology coming out every day, there's alien technology, other aliens themselves who may be able to affect Supergirl's moods, her behavior. She's a target, one that can't be affected by most means, but someone who could target another's mind, they would go after her first. I can't be the only one who has considered it."
"You've considered it?" Kara asks, something dark slipping into her voice.
Lena drops the metal box and grabs one of Kara's hands. "Not- not as something to do myself, I don't want to control her mind. I meant as a threat assessment, there are only so many vectors to approach Supergirl from, it would be naive not to consider what could happen if..."
"If someone took control of her? If she lost control of herself?"
That tone is still there in Kara's voice and Lena drops her hands to wrap her arms around herself instead. "You're right, this is- it's crazy to entertain the idea of keeping this, especially for me. I- Supergirl surely has a team around her for this kind of thing, this," she gestures at the box, "maybe it's just my Luthor paranoia getting the better of me."
Kara lets out a breath and rests a hand on Lena's shoulder. "Hey, hey, I said I believe in you and that's still true. The fact that you wanted to get someone else's input on this proves that. You think Lex ever asked anyone if what he was doing was right? If he had motivations that weren't self-serving?"
"No, I suppose not," Lena says. She revels in the warmth coming from Kara's hand, the lifeline to sanity away from Lex's madness. She knows what she has to do. She takes a breath and grabs the box from the floor before shoving it into Kara's lap. "You keep it. Or get rid of it. Or give it to Supergirl."
"What?" Kara's hand falls away to hold the box.
"I can't- I can't hold onto that, not without thinking about everything it implies, everything I've said and felt in the past few days. I can't be another Luthor with kryptonite."
"I..."
Lena frowns at a thought, and jumps in when Kara can't finish her own. "Just please, please don't tell Supergirl I ever had any doubts about her. Just tell her I found it at one of Lex's labs, which has now been shut down, and that's it. I'll give you the location too, if she'd like to check herself."
"That- Lena, I'm sure Supergirl will understand."
Lena shakes her head. "Will she? After what my brother did? I shouldn't- if this is where my mind goes when I get a hold of some kryptonite then I'm no better than my brother. Just please, Kara, please don't be angry with me. I- I trust her, I do. I shouldn't have-"
"It's okay," Kara says. "It's okay." She takes a deep breath and starts to collect the remains of their lunch. "I have to go- not because of this, but I have a deadline, and you know how Snapper is."
"Right," Lena says faintly. She's sure it's an excuse, sure that Kara wants to escape her and run to Supergirl to tell her everything, so Supergirl can lock her up with her brother before she can do any harm to the world, but then Kara is kneeling in front of her, a frown crinkling her brow.
"I mean it," Kara says, waving the box. "It's not this. I believe in you."
And there's such sincerity in her eyes that Lena pulls herself back from her spiraling thoughts and nods. "Thank you, Kara. Thank you."
"I'll see you later?"
"Yes, of course, tell me when you're available. Or don't, my door is always open for you."
Kara gives her a small smile then she's gone, out the door and to her beat, and Lena collapses back into the couch.
The rest of the day is a blur, and she spends much of it recriminating herself despite Kara's parting words. When her work is done and most of her employees have left, she stares at her phone waiting for any kind of word from Kara.
Instead there's a noise on her balcony, a familiar noise, and her heart drops. Kara had told Supergirl what she had done, just as she had feared, and Supergirl is here to take her away.
The balcony door slides open and Lena can't work up the strength to give her usual admonishment. She doesn't even turn, but Supergirl walks around the desk to stand in front of her, tall and more imposing than Lena had ever seen her look. Her arms are folded and her face is clenched into an uncharacteristic frown. Lena shrinks back into her chair.
"She told you what I did?" she asks finally.
The look on Supergirl's face changes, evens out to something less harsh. She unfolds her arms and shows Lena the lead cube that she had given to Kara earlier in the day.
"She didn't have to," Supergirl says.
"I suppose you must have some kind of kryptonite detector," Lena says. "Makes sense, with how dangerous it is."
"Not quite," Supergirl says.
Lena frowns. Of course Supergirl wouldn't tell a Luthor how she knew about the kryptonite. She resigns herself to her fate, though there's one question that burns in her mind.
"Is Kara angry with me?" she asks.
"I'm not."
"No, I was asking about Kar-" Lena takes in the look on Supergirl's face, goes over her answer again in her mind, and a million different things fall into place. Excuses and near misses, misspoken words and overlapping habits, an undeniable similarity in looks and outlooks. She collapses back in the chair and a moment later Supergirl- Kara- Supergirl is kneeling in front of her, just as she had earlier in the day.
"I wanted to tell you sooner," she says, "like a million times."
The voice and tone match Kara perfectly and Lena wonders how she never made the connection.
"I'm not supposed to, but Rao, Lena, you mean so much to me and I- I know I should have done this months ago."
"Why?" is all Lena can muster to ask, her voice quiet.
"I can't tell just anyone- of course not, that would be insane- so when we first started to meet each other more and more I had to keep this from you, for my safety, for yours. But the more I got to know you the more I trusted you, and the more I wanted to tell you, but it had already been too long, and it felt like this big secret that only got bigger the more I put it off."
"And-" Lena starts, "and us meeting, and then seeing each other more often, was that because of who I am?"
Supergirl- no, Kara stares at her with pleading eyes, and Lena has to hold back the crazy urge to laugh at the idea of Supergirl asking her to understand. "No- I mean, yes, the interview was because of who you are, but I always- you were always the CEO of L-Corp, not Lex Luthor's sister, the CEO who said all the right things, but who also did all the right things, and who was really trying not to be what the world thought she was. But I- I always felt I could trust you, and I guess that's why I wanted to see you and get to know you more."
"So, what, you're saying you trusted me, just not with this?" she gestures at the Supergirl suit that Kara is wearing.
"Rao, Lena, I- I wanted to tell you, but I was- I was selfish. You only knew me as Kara Danvers, there was never any pressure to be anything more than that, anything more than a cub reporter with a mean boss and some tough deadlines. You- you liked me just like that- or at least you acted like it."
"Of course I liked you like that," Lena says, not able to hold back an ironic laugh. "You were the only person who gave me a chance."
"Oh Lena, I've messed this up."
"You- you've messed this up?" Lena says incredulously. "I- I told you to your face that I was worried you would lose your mind and that I wanted to keep a weapon to stop you. I-"
Kara grabs her hands. "You were right when you said Supergirl has a team to worry about her. You were right that I've been targeted before, that I've lost myself and had to be stopped. And the team, they do keep kryptonite, despite how badly I want them not to. But it's- they're- the people there, my friends and family, they're not the only ones. There are others who I'm sure wouldn't hesitate to use kryptonite on me. Heck, they might even be studying it to see if they can make more."
Lena blinks down at Kara, trying to take it all in. "So- what are you saying?"
"I'm saying, if someone has to have kryptonite as an emergency measure, I'd like it to be someone I trust."
Lena stares, struck silent for a few long seconds as she reels in her chair. When she finally speaks it's barely a whisper. "You would trust me with it?"
"I do trust you with it," Kara answers immediately.
The box- placed on the desk when Kara had dropped to her knees in front of Lena- is pressed into her hands again.
"Kara," Lena says her name for the first time that night, to the woman's face at least, and it feels weird in her mouth considering what she's wearing. "Kara, this is too much. I'm- I'm a Luthor and-"
"And I'm a Super?" Kara finishes with a small smile. She closes Lena's fingers around the box for her. "I don't mind if you don't."
Lena's gaze drops to the box, she swallows heavily. "What happens if I- if I start to become like..."
"You won't," Kara says simply. "I believe in you."
"Right," Lena laughs. She remembers Supergirl saying almost the same thing. Kara Danvers believes in you. She laughs again. It had been almost too obvious, Kara's secret, yet she hadn't seen it.
Kara's hands cover hers again, and again she meets blue eyes. Something's changed in them, no longer reassuring but nervous. "Still, be careful with that box. It... it has my heart in there."
"Your heart? Kara," she breathes reverently. She knows what she wants Kara to mean, but she has to be sure. "What are you saying?"
"Nothing, if you don't want. If you don't feel," she gives Lena a lopsided smile, "what I feel when I'm with you. We don't have to talk about this ever again. I guess I just wanted to get two secrets off my chest today."
"And if I do want to talk about it?" Lena asks. "If I do feel what you feel?"
Kara huffs and draws in a shuddering breath. "Then we can talk about it. But maybe we leave it at one big conversation a night."
"Of course," Lena says. Kara is still kneeling in front of her and Lena reaches out and touches Kara's cheek lightly. "What should I call you?"
"Kara, still Kara. Danvers is my adoptive name, but I was born Kara Zor-El." Her voice shakes and Lena knows how big a deal it must be for Kara to share so much of herself with Lena. She hopes she can prove herself worthy of that trust, and when she feels the urge to hug Kara, she doesn't fight it. Instead she pulls on her broad shoulders, until she can wrap her arms around Kara's neck and breathe her in.
"Kara. How could I not feel the same, after all you've done for me."
"That was Supergirl," Kara mumbles into Lena's hair.
"I fell for Kara Danvers, darling, and I know what I said. You gave me a place to belong."
Kara pulls back, her eyes shining and her smile almost back to its full megawatt strength. "I know I said we would talk about it later, but I'd really like to kiss you right now."
"Funny," Lena says. "That makes two of us."
And then Lena Luthor is kissing Supergirl, Kara Danvers, Kara Zor-El, and she's never felt more at peace.