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rustling of clothes, muttering of people, loud music muffled by the walls, zippers, laughter, vocal warmups, phones buzzing, and the cheering and shouting of a crowd far bigger than anticipated. those were just a few of the things Ryan Ross had noticed in the last ten minutes, as he drew with extravagant effort across his eyes with a shaky eyeliner pen, the repetitive action probably being the only one that was currently keeping him from breaking down.
he knew how to play a live show. of course he did. he was Ryan fucking Ross. he was a rockstar. he'd done this plenty. he'd played these songs so many times. but god, the shows were getting bigger. the crowds were getting louder. the anxiety was getting real.
all of this was actually happening. to him. a quiet, dissociating kid who was thrown into this in only a few months. yet somehow the other three boys he was touring with had gotten the hang of it quickly. loved it, even. so why was he still hyperventilating before every show?
clack. "shit-" he bent down to retrieve the eyeliner pen he'd dropped, taking a deep, shaky breath as he stared into his own worried eyes in the mirror.
"what's the matter with me??"
"what??" Brendon's voice, chipper as ever, chimes in to remind Ryan he wasn't alone. which only reminded him of where he was and what was happening. which made his stomach turn and his head spin. which then made him collapse against the counter of the dressing room, breathing in shaky, worried breathes.
"Ryan, hey-" Brendon hurries over, worried and gentle, cupping Ryan's cheek - careful not to smudge his makeup - and turning his face to look at it carefully.
"hey, hey- bear with me. you're fine." he whispers caringly, now holding his face with both hands, just close enough that ryan knows he's there, but not overwhelmingly so.
"I'm not okay, Bren.. how are you?? how are all of you okay??? what's wrong with me, why do I have to think so much-"
"hey- hey- there's nothing the matter with your head." he cuts him off, voice firm but loving as he presses their foreheads together.
"you're fine, you're here with me, you're okay. and you look.. so divine." he speaks slowly, holding deep eye contact, making sure Ryan can't think of anything else for the moment.
"it's gonna be just fine. just another show."
just another show.. right. just another one. like always.