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Manipulative tactics have a price, Alejandro found. They got him this far, but barely any of the other contestants were on his side which could be a problem based on Heather and Cody’s elated reactions when they were first shown them. Of course, he could overcome whatever issue it may pose, but that did not mean it would be easy. Perhaps he should have been more subtle, or at the very least toned down the confessionals. No matter, there was nothing he could do about it now so there was no point lingering on it any longer. Alejandro did not linger on anything that was not important, it was a talent.
Unsurprisingly, he had won the tie breaker against Cody. Which meant that he was there waiting for the final challenge to finally begin and that made his lack of support obvious. Most of the other contestants were surrounding Heather with some being on the fray ends and others no where near. Heather looked happy, if not slightly shocked, at the attention: considering there were over 15 people surrounding her. most of the people on the fray were people Alejandro did not recognise. Most of them at least. He could see Izzy’s notably orange hair like a flare.
Then Alejandro spotted Noah and felt as if his world was narrowing. He wasn’t standing there in the clump with everyone else, one of the outliers. It…it had to be a sign did it not? That Noah not showing his unconditional support for Heather (not standing next to the big oaf) like all of the others Alejandro had screwed over and eliminated. Noah was petty, Alejandro knew that from the talks they had. He knew a lot about him from their talks. It was like they had a mutual understanding, talking with the true words not said out loud. An understanding that there were layers and masks they did not wish to remove and yet still found quiet comfort in one another despite it. For the first time, he had felt understood by someone. Seen.
He-
…
He needed to talk to him. Before the competition. Before the challenge. Needed to ask him why he said that. Why he made him feel so lost and confused and hurt when he did. Why he betrayed him. Why he had kept giving him guilty looks. Why he left him li-
“Heyy, Alejandro, my man!” Chris approached him, giving him finger guns. “How are How are you feeling?”
“Ah, Chris. I cannot thank you enough for letting me have this opportunity. I am sure my victory will attract a lot of attention.”
“Oooooo, confident! I like it! You’re gonna need it if you want to beat Heather. You’ve been going toe to toe since you first met- you’d think you guys are meant to be together. Well, the fans do at least!”
Noah glanced over, eyes wide in an almost doe like manner before returning to his perpetual squinting and looking away. Not for the first time Alejandro wondered the cause. Chris wrapped an arm over his shoulder.
“Watcha staring at? Heather?” he wagged his eyebrows.
“I was thinking of using my time to garner more people on my side in case the finale challenge calls for it. I do believe that my prior teammates will be the best case to start.” It was partially the reason.
Chris made an obvious indication as he looked over to where Alejandro was and he inhaled through his teeth. “You thinking of talking to Noah? Yeeaaah, that’s probably not a good idea.”
“Oh, is it not?”
“The kid’s still bothered by his elimination. We all know he can hold like a major grudge
Alejandro frowned. “What happened at his elimination?” that could severely impact his plan if Chris was speaking truthfully. Did they show him some of his confessionals? No, that couldn’t have been it, Alejandro could not remember mentioning Noah in specific negatively before London.
Chris barked out a laugh, “Oh it was hilarious dude. We swapped out his parachute for a bunch of stuffed corgis, and he ended up in a pond filled with- get this- electric eels. I’m pretty sure his heart stopped at least twice. But considering how you’re the one who got him eliminated, if he’s pissed at anyone, and he is, it’s definitely you.”
“He did?” Alejandro asked in horror, stuck on the first part. Why was he taking this so lightly when Noah could have died? Permanently. As in no longer breathing, no longer around to make his entertaining comments, no longer existing and he doubted they would have been told about it. Continuing on in the competition while it was kept from them all. It was just like in Jamaica, where no one batted an eye when Chris shoved him off a cliff. Apart from Chef he supposed- he was more moral than his counterpart. But still, it was incredibly disturbing.
“Come on dude, it was funny.”
…Alejandro supposed he could see the humour in the irony.
“Anyways, I’m pretty sure if you went over dude, you’ll just end up in a major argument which is not good when you’re just about to do the finale, you need to be on your A-game my guy. And well, I mean, I wouldn’t blame you if you’re still pissed at him for talking shit behind your back. The guys can be a coward, I get it more than anyone dude, he did work for me after all! And it’s not like the other contestants like him that much either! Total shit head. Great for the fans though.”
Chris gestured over and yes… Noah was only around three other people with three more being close to the group but not standing with them. Everyone else was giving them a wide berth. He wondered what Noah did to the rest of them, how he also pissed them off. Probably badmouthed them and couldn’t own up to it either
…so maybe Alejandro was still kind of pissed at him.
“You just gotta forget about him and getting him on your side- same with the others too, they’re a stubborn bunch and it’s a liiiittle bit too late. Focus on more important things like winning the next challenge! Or maybe even confess your feelings of love for Heather. I mean, the finale is the perfect place for the grand romantic gesture, and it’s not like you’ll know if you’ll ever see each other again after this. Not that either of you would admit to having real feelings of course.”
That was right! he had far more important things to concern himself with than a coward who could not even face him like a man! He not only had a competition to win, but a girl too. It would be the perfect victory, and maybe his parents would even finally be proud of him!
“Thank you for the pep talk Chris, it has truly eased my nerves.”
“No probs dude! Now I need to go talk to Heather- can’t have the cameras picking up on any favouritism! We’ll be explaining the challenge in about 15 minutes so be ready!”
Chris walked off, passing by the other contestants, including Noah who glanced back at him and stared for an unknown period of time before looking away again and obviously tracking Chris. Alejandro felt the butterflies in his stomach once more, akin to the nausea of nerves and annoyance as he focused on a game plan.
He was winning. Alejandro was winning. Despite Cody’s taunts, and the booing from the other contestants. They did not matter, not when he was so close to victory, at the edge of the volcano. The momentum was building as he savoured the incoming victory, what he had worked so hard for that entire season.
But then the momentum was broken by a devastated cry behind him.
Heather was crying and talking about never seeing him again after this and Alejandro could understand it deeply. It was all he could think about earlier. They did not know if they would see each other after this. Although he supposed that neither of them was the type of people who would admit to having real feelings, which is why it was truly up to Alejandro to initiate it.
Heather said she loved him, Heather said she loved him and his heart soared. Perhaps it really was the time for a romantic gesture after all…
Alejandro stepped forward without thinking, confessed his own love and kissed her. she froze against him for a moment before kissing him back, lips slightly wet from either her tears or saliva. Alejandro did not care. Not when the action sent a thrill down his spine, a euphoric feeling bubbled dangerous in his head, quickly spreading to flow through his veins and-
He could not move.
Alejandro could not move.
His mind twisted in a panic as it felt like his limbs were made of magnets attracted to the earth’s core, like he was not connected to any part of his body. A severed connection where he could watch through his eyes but not move after making contact. Not move as she deepened the kiss, not move as she kneed him and he fell down the side of the volcano. Not move as he felt frozen stiff, in a state of confusing paralysis.
They cheered from above, Heather’s the loudest. He must have lost then.
A loud rumble echoed around him, and Alejandro could hear concerned shouting coming from the group, a cry of shock and horror, and then the thumps of footsteps- fast ones.
They came down towards him running, trampled over him even. Yet despite it all, it was an odd sensation. He could feel the pain. He knew it was there. But it was like he was watching it affect his body, like he was not an active part of his body.
It did not take long for him to see what they were all running from.
The lava crept closer as it flowed down the volcano, and yet he still could not move. Couldn’t even open his mouth to call for help, lips still twisted in an awkward press.
So he watched helpless as the lava sludged closer, unable to close his eyes or look away. Feeling the uncomfortable dry itch in his eyes, he internally pleaded that someone would come save him. Heather (they loved each other, didn’t they?) or Chris (he was too valuable to lose, no?) or Chef (he has a heart, right?) or any of his former teammates (noahnoahnoahnoahpleasenoahnoahwillsavehimhessmarthewantsnoahnoahpleasenoah Tyler still liked him did he not?) or even any of his supporters.
Anyone. He begged, no prayed, to himself. He would even take the oaf. Just someone.
Alejandro did not want to die at the age of 18, not when he hadn’t spent even a year as an adult. Not when he still needed to prove his worth to his family.
~~~~~
Neha was six when she was first called inhuman. Her Appa had let it slip when he scolded her, utterly furious. There were weird men knocking on her door back then, and she could remember how they were all forced to sit in the living room as the men pulled them out one by one for a talk. All Neha had done was play spies with Mahavir, and spies always hacked into suspicious government websites to look for the traitor spy or politicians. Neha didn’t find any of that, what she did find though was a bunch of boring files that lost her interest pretty quickly and she moved onto maneuvering around invisible lasers to reach the royal-crown-that-was-actually-a-woolly-hat they needed to steal. She got in big trouble that when they found out about that day and while it might have been the first time she was called inhuman, it definitely wasn’t the last. Far from it. Mine.
Neha was eight when she finally understood what it meant to be inhuman. Her Amma told her that it was her job as the smart one to look out for the family, look out for her brothers and Neha took that to heart. As the only girl in the family full of failures she had to bail out time and time again it was her duty to find wealth- to marry into wealth eventually. It was something that she leaned to be inevitable. When she officially became an adult she’ll marry her future husband, have children, and secure financial comfort for her family. She knew that matchmaking talks had already begun. Neha had no say in it, it wasn’t what she preferred or wanted at the time, but even then, she knew it would happen whether she liked it or not. It was easier to just accept it as an eventual far away fact. Plus, it wasn’t like she felt the usual human emotions around it, no excitement and no dread- just a fact of life.
Neha was sixteen when she met other inhuman people like her. She could tell at a glance. Her and Izzy had shared a look of mutual understanding on that day she had caught Izzy scurrying around the resort, they were both wearing their human masks, and both would keep the other’s secret. Chris had stared at her with dead beady eyes and she knew he was like her too. But not at the same time, he wasn’t above them in raw intelligence and talent like her and Izzy, but he had the empty look about him, the hungry one that needed to be fed before it devoured everything around it. He was a pathetic little manchild, but he still managed to gain power with every step. She hated him. But at the same time, there was something to be said about familiarity, about being around someone who understood you. Despite his psychotic demeaner and her hatred, they still understood each other.
Neha was seventeen when she started questioning her humanity and eventually her sanity. It was hard not to when everything around her was weird. When people who should be dead weren’t, when injuries that should have lasted months were gone the next day. It was a truth to this universe; there was something fundamentally wrong with anyone involved with the total drama filming and set. There was something even more wrong about her fellow contestants. The way physics broke subtly around Tyler, the way Owen could be as light as he was heavy, the way she swore Izzy looked less and less human as the days went on, the way Justin literally sone and sparkled when in a particularly good mood. The list was endless- if you only looked close enough then the oddities were as clear as day. They weren’t normal- weren’t human.
Neha was eighteen years old when she felt inhuman and for the first time she hated it. There was a fundamental difference between knowing and feeling that you’re inhuman. Neha knew that she was, had literally known all her life, but she had never once felt it. Mine. She did now.
It was kind of hard not to when she heard the shrieks of horror, the labouring breaths of panic, or the retching of disgust around her while they all stared at the half incinerated, mangled corpse of what used to be Alejandro Burromuerto.
She didn’t feel horror or panic or disgusted at the sight. That would have been the normal, human reaction. Instead, she could only faintly feel the guilt bubbling up inside the ever present empty pit. Because truthfully, it was her fault. Or at the very least partially her fault. She had tried to avoid this exact outcome. Well, not exactly, but she had wanted to spare him of the curse that haunted them all. And now he’s dead. He’s dead, and she could have- should have- done more. She should have stuck around after London, she should have convinced him to run away from the cursed show while they were unaccounted for in Jamaica, she should have had him eliminated early (but that wouldn’t have really worked, would it? Just take a look at her elimination), she should have burned the application form, she should have tried harder to convince Chris that they didn’t need new faces, she should have fucking drugged and kidnapped him while they were in another country where they couldn’t be followed.
But no, she thought that it would be enough to separate them. That the biggest problem to his well-being and sanity was her. No, not you, never you. After all, while the show and its contestants were cursed, none moreso than Neha (and Ezekiel- don’t think about Ezekiel).
Perhaps it was because she had always been a bit of a monster that it piled on more than the others. Why else would she be the only one haunted by that hell place after they left to the extent that she was? No one else was on the edge of sanity being held on by a healthy dose of paranoia. No one else knew the true extent of the fucked-up things that has been happening since the show started
Except that that wasn’t exactly true either. So let her amend her earlier statement and say that she’s the only one still in her sound mind that has been hearing it, had the feeling of being watched by it.
Homeschool did. Homeschool mentioned it a couple of times. Neha lied and said she didn’t know what he was talking about. Neha told homeschool to forget about it and ignore it. Homeschool went feral. He quite literally lost his humanity in a way that Neha hadn’t yet. So what did that say about Neha, the one who had been experiencing the same thing he had been, when the only other person had become more creature than man?
Izzy and Eva understood in a way, or at least more than anyone else she had talked to. But it just wasn’t the exact same, and it wasn’t like she could ever come out and say ‘hey, so I’ve been hearing voices for a while now and it keeps getting worse but I swear I’m not insane’, it wasn’t a good look. Neha didn’t want to be taken to some kind of psych ward.
So she had been doing what she does best and drew back from people, relying on the only person who didn’t make her feel crazy or the one who was so oblivious to any of it that it let her forget. It wasn’t healthy, but considering the situation it was her best way of coping.
Especially because she didn’t know if it was some kind of virus or just a curse. Still doesn’t really. But either way, Neha refused to pass it on to anyone else. And Neha liked Alejandro enough that despite his obviously manipulative tendencies and shitty but still kind of dorky and dramatic personality she wanted him far away from it. Liked. She liked him. Which she couldn’t do anymore, because he died.
He was a monster, inhuman. Just like Neha was (before she got worse thanks to that, love), just like Izzy, just like Chris. But there was also the sense of duty that Neha knew all too well, one unlike Izzy and Chris. His family burdens were his own, just like Neha’s were hers. But although Neha liked him, he didn’t like her. He never did with all of his ploys and tactics, the ones that allowed him to decimate the competition.
And look how that turned out for him, he died. He died and it was all Neha’s fault.
She half expected him to pop up and declare he’s fine with that dramatic-ness of his. She half hoped he would. The other part, the one that unfortunately liked him, prayed that he wouldn’t.
Because otherwise, Neha put herself through unnecessary suffering this season.
But still, as she stared at the now covered corpse, she wondered why he hadn’t when Sierra did. She may still have been severely injured, but she survived something she shouldn’t have. Just like Cody did, just like Neha did, just like those interns did, just like nearly all of them have at some point.
And yet despite all of this, there were only a handful of people who knew even a fragment of the truth.
“Kids- oi. Alejandro is not dead. He is unconscious because of shock from losing. Don’t worry or stress about it. Everything is okay, and Heather is going to get her money.”
It was like a downpour of calm washed over them all and if Neha squinted hard enough she could see the light green mist that was emitted around them.
Neha had seen this happen numerous times before. It happened whenever someone died on set or was severely injured. It happened whenever too many contestants wanted to not compete on the show or even just challenges. It happened whenever Chris had an idea for the show or contestant that needed just a little push. Sometimes, he just did it for shits and giggles to watch them get their hopes up and crush them when realistically they should know better.
He couldn’t force anything though, that much was clear to Neha. There must be a part of them that agreed enough to believe his suggestions- even if it was miniscule. Or premanufactured she supposed- she hadn’t had enough data on that yet, it was still just a hunch. The more they wanted what he told them, the more strongly they agreed and went along with his words.
But it was this reason that she felt sick at how easily they all accepted his words and started going about their day like nothing had happened other than Heather winning the money (she looked elated now that it was confirmed she’s getting the money, after everything she’s been through though she earned the win) and a common enemy being eliminated. Sick, but no surprise there.
Neha let her eyes be drawn away from the corpse and looked around the faces of everyone else so she could at least try to pretend to replicate the outward emotions. They were mostly celebrating, a few like Lindsay and Tyler, (who didn’t like Heather), Courtney (who looked constipated from where she stood isolated from everyone), and Katie and Sadie (they were looking in between her and Eva with concern, whispering among themselves, Neha ignored it like she had been them recently, no, love) weren’t so much but it wasn’t surprising. She was surprised however to see Beth there with Heather instead of standing with Lindsay.
Only one other person hadn’t move away from the scene like everyone else. Eva was still stood there, looking at something over Chris’ shoulder with a frown dripping with agitated confusion.
“You okay?” Neha asked as she waded her way over. Eva shook her head slightly like she was coming out of a daze. It had been happening more recently too, the vacant staring off in the distance. Neha was… unsure about what it meant for them. Concern, love and concern, good.
“Just seeing shit again.” Neha sagged, partly in relief and partly in disappointment. There was a selfish not selfish part of her that wanted someone else to know. But it really was a good thing that Eva didn’t have another thing on her plate- it was her responsibility to look out for her lessers after all. So it was a good thing that Neha was the only one who truly knew.
That itself was just another mystery on the stupid show. Whatever Chris did to them all just didn’t work on her, and she had no idea why. What made her so special that she was immune to his bullshit? Mine. What made her so special that all of this was happening to her and not any of them?
But she guessed that didn’t really matter, what did was that she knew it was the reason why she got her job. Keep your friends close after all; it made perfect sense that the only person he couldn’t manipulate through his words was kept by his side as his assistant. Not that he didn’t still have his ways of keeping her in check. Chris knew it. Neha knew it. Nearly everyone else would have known it if Chris stopped fucking with their minds to get what he wanted.
“Little buddy! Eva!”
“Hey big guy.” She ducked out of the way of his almost colliding body as she said it, really not in the mood to be handled like a ragdoll.
“I missed you!!! I haven’t seen you like at all!” he pouted but thankfully stopped trying to touch her.
“Sorry big guy, I was busy.” Doing work and avoiding him. All of them really.
“You were injured.” Eva scowled.
“Oh my god, what the fuck is Chris doing.” She didn’t know what he was doing, she just needed an excuse to get out of there. It wasn’t like she could agree with her and say she was- there was no more physical proof after all- and she couldn’t call her a liar considering her injured state was aired, even if it was brief. “Guess I have to go and see if there’s anything his royal pain in the ass-ness wants me to do so he doesn’t keep fucking everything up. I don’t really get paid to sit around. Unfortunately.”
Owen furrowed his eyebrows, looking at her. “I thought he fired you?”
“He was lying.” Was her clipped response, she really didn’t want to be here. She wanted to leave. Leave the country, the continent, the entire planet or universe. No.
“Oh. I could have sworn…”
“That he was lying.” Neha insisted pettily. That was all he ever did. Lie. “Yeah. Anyways, I’ll talk to yous later, okay?”
“We’re gonna see each other a bunch! We’ll be hanging out before you know it!” Neha hoped not. Sure, she did like the big guy (he was entertaining) but she didn’t think that she would be able to handle him in a prolonged timeframe without losing her mind. Not like she wasn’t already halfway there. She just had a limit, that was all.
“Sure big guy. See yous later.”
“…you better stick to your word this time limp arms. If not, I’ll kick your ass!” Eva threatened, Neha repressed the wince of guilt at the call out. It was for the best, even if the gym rat didn’t understand it yet.
So Neha didn’t reply, just made her way over to where Chris was. She picked up the pace when she noticed what was going on.
“What are you doing.” Neha demanded, rightfully so at the way they’re manhandling Alejandro’s dead body. Not long, safe, home.
“Taking Ale-corpse-o back to the island and seeing what’ll happen.” Chris shrugged completely unbothered and it made the brewing frustration and annoyance in Neha bubble.
“Wait, I thought you said he wasn't dead.” Chef frowned. He could be another odd case, most of the time Chris’ tricks worked on him, however there had been some occasions when it didn’t. Now clearly was not one of those times.
“Well that's what we're gonna find out Cheffy-boy.” Chris cheered, slapping him on the back.
“Don't call me that.” Uh oh, looked like someone was annoyed at their favourite mine host.
“Yeah, well, now that my favourite assistant has decided to join us, how about you go about that little prank we discussed?” Prank? You know what, Neha didn’t want to know. “You know, the one you said you'd do for me to make up for helping that bitch? Teach her a lesson?” oh, they were plotting about Blaineley. Now Neha really didn’t want to know.
Chef huffed with a roll of his eyes. “Fine. You don't need my help?” he looked genuinely curious as he said it, but Neha knew that for once Chris wasn’t going to get Chef to help with this. He never did when it came to the island, he liked the least amount of people involved as possible. Unfortunately, Neha was one of those people.
“Nah, I've got little miss sunshine here and some of the interns running around. They're currently fishing our little feral boy out of the lava and taking suuuuper long doing it. I might have to fire them.” He won't. “Or set them on animal duty” that was far more likely.
It was like they were summoned, she thought as two interns waded towards them through the water, a half melted-burned Homeschool propped between them.
Neha felt sick at the sight. She couldn’t do anything else but watch as his skin knitted back together- especially when she thought about the implications. The entire time he was in the lava he was dying, resurrecting, healing, burning and then dying again in a cycle and the chances were considering his state, he was clawing his way out of the lava the entire time. Well, just another thing to add to the list of ‘stupid shit they could apparently come back from’ she thought to herself, a disbelieving almost manic laugh slipping past her lips earning a side eye from Chef and Chris. Neha ignored them.
Instead, she eyed the lack of shoes and socks on the interns, as well as the half-incinerated clothing and just knew they had to wade into the lava up to their knees in order to fish homeschool out of the lava. She winced. Based on the small amount she was splashed with earlier, she knew it must have been excruciating to walk in.
Then Neha felt sick all over again thinking on how Alejandro died. How he would have felt it all before not being able to feel anything else again. He must have been in so much pain.
It was one of the pros of working for Chris she supposed, everyone had to have an insanely high pain tolerance with how often they got injured and died. The healing process didn’t take away the pain. There was no everlasting death that would stop the pain. She was jealous of him in a sick way, Alejandro knew his time would end, that he was facing his death. Neha didn’t know when she would ever have that feeling of certainty again. She didn’t know the limits of her apparent immortality and for all she knew it could stop at any moment- no, love- or last for centuries to come mine.
Although, maybe that won’t be true at the end of the day either. Not if Chris’ plan worked at least.
“You coming or what kid?” Chris shouted at her. Neha blinked away the sharpness- or was it fuzziness?- surrounding her vision. They were already in the helicopter with Chef wading away and towards the boat. He must have dumped the body in with Chris and left. That also meant that one of the interns would be flying the plane and the other keeping an eye on the feral homeschool. All of which happened while Neha was unaware…. great. It was all great. Everything was going to be great. Love.
Neha swallowed back the unease, ignored the fuzzy pain in the back of her head and pulled herself into the helicopter noting vaguely that her assumptions were correct. Fun.
“Come on, close the door already.” Chris tapped his foot impatiently. She took off her wig once the door shut, and unravelled her layers until she could breathe and was left in just her teal shirt. It took quite a bit to manoeuvre herself not to flash anything as she took off the white undershirt, homemade bindings, and sports bra, leaving her with just a regular bra and her teal shirt. At least it didn’t feel like she was being slowly coiled around and killed by a giant snake anymore.
“We need to take off like NOW.” He called out more so to the intern who’d be flying them. The floor shook as they took off and if it was any other time Neha might have been busy thinking how cool it was. But she wasn’t. Instead, she was stuck in an enclosed space with a terrified intern trying to make himself look smaller, a mostly healed feral homeschool that kept squeaking and looking over at her, the dead body of someone she regretfully liked and Chris fucking Mclean texting on his phone laughing every now and again like this wasn’t a premise for a horror movie.
Neha cleared her throat. “What are you telling his family, if this doesn’t work?” She asked genuinely curious. This wasn’t just a regular guy they could brush under the rug like usual. This was the son of a fucking diplomat. One with diplomatic immunity and could probably do whatever the fuck he wanted to with them with no consequences and like usual Neha would have to take the brunt of it and-
Chris yawned. “Nothing. Technically he’s under our care for a bit until the paperwork goes through. His parents disowned him after Drumheller. Apparently being saved from elimination by a plane exploding doesn’t count as a self-earned win so to them he lost the competition then and failure is a total no-no. They wouldn’t shut up about it, it was super annoying.”
“Oh.” Neha said because she didn’t know what else to. He must have held himself together surprisingly well then because he didn’t act like a man recently disowned. Especially when Neha knew just how much his family meant to him. Unless Chris just didn’t tell him, but Neha was not going to send herself down that rabbit hole right now. She didn’t want to spiral.
Chris finally put his phone down, pocketing it, and stared at her with a raised eyebrow. “You know, I’m surprised you came with us. I thought you said the place is a death sentence and you never wanted to come back.”
“It is.” One of the many reasons she orchestrated her elimination early on in island. The creeping dread that had kept her up at night while there. She was constantly on edge, felt like she was being watched every second of her day. She couldn’t understand why no one else felt that discomfort.
Then there was that place, the one that they had stumbled across that one stupid night. The one that once again, no one took seriously or even realised just how much heavier it was there. The weight in the air of a place out of nightmares.
Neha couldn’t get out of there fast enough. So she refused to participate in the challenge, insulted them whenever possible, and even went far enough to get her hands on everyone’s votes and alter them herself to ensure it was unanimous. She could barely hide her smile when she was kicked off the island- thrown marshmallows be damned- and even more so when the resort she would be staying at instead came into view.
The looming feeling was muted. Still there, but it felt so distant that Neha could sleep at night again.
So returning there now hurt in a way it didn’t. She could feel when they officially entered the area, the looming presence making itself known. Homeschool could too- he suddenly perked up looking like he was ready to run laps around the tight space.
Neha’s face twisted in distaste. At what part, she didn’t even know anymore.
“What, don’t tell me you’re all grossed out- this is your what, 27th time seeing something like this? God you’re such a pussy if you’re not used to it by now.” He laughed and Neha looked down at Alejandro, avoiding Chris’ prodding gaze. Mine. She couldn’t be bothered to explain to him everything that was going on through her head. She didn’t even want to if she was being honest.
Look, of course she was used to it. But that didn’t stop the nauseous feeling. Nor did it stop the ache when she looked at his- his body. The lack of life, the burned off skin and flesh and hair. He would hate knowing he looked like that, the body he took pride in maintaining destroyed like that.
She really did think that she had gotten used to it though. She did feel the apathy when watching the interns die, and with the other contestants. The ones she’s seen at least. Love.
But this was….this was different.
Death really would be a greater option. She should leave him dead, let him finally rest. It was morally the most right thing to do.
But Neha really was a selfish person. A selfish inhuman thing. She wanted him alive and breathing. She wanted to hear his overdramatic remarks and flirtation tactics. She wanted to see him thrive while he manipulated people. She wanted to hear him ramble on about stupid dinosaurs and zoology even if it was stuff she already knew. But what Neha really wanted was for him to officially get with Heather so she could stop thinking about stupid what ifs and impossible imaginations and fantasies. Love, mine.
She hated how attached she got to such an asshole and how quickly she did too. Hated how much she wanted him to be happy and how much she wanted to watch it, even if it was just through security cameras on the street while Alejandro and Heather live a perfect life together with three kids, a dog, a mansion and some fancy rich car.
Because Alejandro and Heather were perfect for each other. Both insanely attractive, both mean and manipulative assholes with a dorky nerdy centre, both competitive, both capable of redemption deep down through love. Though maybe Alejandro might fake it part of the time with his latent inhumanity, but it wouldn’t matter if he was happy.
Meanwhile Neha was none of these things, she was a less than average appearance wise, irredeemable, lazy, inhuman asshole who deep down was filled with nothing but layers of lies and deception. None of those people even know what her real name was. Lie. None of those people knew what she really looked like. Lie. None of those people knew who she really was. Lie. Love. Love, lie.
Alejandro definitely didn’t know the first thing about her. But him and Heather? They were open books together. Picture perfect.
So why did it still burn?
Neha made the mistake of looking at the corpse again, at the proof of the suffering she caused. No sad, love, safe.
Her grip on the seat tightened as the helicopter shook from its landing. That was it.
When they walked off the helicopter, Neha just watched numbly as Zeke scampered off into the woods, one of the interns chasing him. The other carried Alejandro. Dragged him even and wouldn’t the nice thing to do be taking him off his hands and handle it herself? But Neha didn’t want to touch him. She knew logically that he was dead. That he could no longer feel pain. But still, the idea of touching his injuries and causing even more pain made the guilt rise again.
Safe, in.
Neha tapped her fingers together, trying desperately to ground herself as she followed Chris to wherever the fuck he was going. Like always, she hoped that if she ignored it enough then it’d go away and stop. She knew it was a futile wish, but when had that ever stopped her from trying? In, safe, alive. Knock knock.
…
…
…
That was new. She hadn’t heard the knocking before in her head and it was definitely not a good sign whatsoever. Was it like some kind of progression? Was she going to die now? Wait, no, not that, that won’t stick. No, love. Was she finally on the last stages of losing her mind? She really really didn’t want to be committed to a psych ward.
Chris was talking away on the phone carelessly ahead of her, unbothered by it all still every now and again he'd look back at her then continue to walk. The intern stumbled around with Alejandro’s body, but he didn’t seem to have any problems with someone using his head as a door knock.
Knock knock.
There was a mounting pressure in her head, like an enclosed room being slowly filled with water. Maybe not so slowly.
Knock knock. In, better, safe.
And then the knocking, on the door of the room as something else wants in. It wouldn’t fit, Neha thought deliriously. Like a balloon ready to pop and letting go of the end, untying it would only let more air in. Would only make her burst.
Knock knock. Heal, in, safe, alive, heal, insafeinhealininininininininininin.
It hurt. The more she tried to shove it down, the more the sharp ache radiated. It was getting to the point where she could barely see through the pain.
Knock knock. Please, safe, heal, in, please.
But somehow she managed, and the sight before her took her breath away. It was a part of the island she had only seen once before.
But back then it was in the dead of night, it made the atmosphere of the place and its features creepy and unsettling. Now however, with the sunlight streaming in and the life around them? It was, for a lack of a better word, magical.
A large grove surrounded by shockingly dense trees she couldn’t remember walking through and covered in untamed yet unreal looking flowers. Neha looked in awe at the statue of what she presumed was a woman off into the slight distance, covered in the wildflowers and vines, making her features indistinguishable. Despite it, there was an almost gracious feeling about it, sincere, welcoming, and yet powerful like an apex predator. Like it knew everything she was thinking, could watch everything she was doing, was doing so now even. Neha looked away from it in discomfort. Love. It wasn't like that the last time.
Next, what she saw was what Neha could only describe as alters lay scattered around in poor condition- some worse than others. Then there, in the middle of it all, lay a lake (it was too big to be a pond) with undiscernible depths from where she stood. She wondered if she could drown in it- the vibrant blue that seemed so out of place on the island was calling to her almost. Or was it what was at the other end? Mine.
The intern dropped the body with a crash and Neha winced as her attention was drew away once more and she was reminded of her still present migraine. She turned around, her back to the glorious scenery to instead look at Alejandro once more. He was still lifeless…
Chris was yelling at the intern.
….still a shell of what he used to be…
The intern fled back into the trees.
….it heavily contrasted the life emitting from the grove making him seem even more dead if possible. She wondered if he could even be saved, could be brought back to life or if it was too late for that now.
She didn’t want it to be too late, and that thought made her realise that she would do whatever it took to bring him back- to make sure she didn’t have blood on her hands.
Can save him. knock knock, please. He will live. Let me in.
…
…
Neha opened the door.
It was almost instantaneous.
The pressure evaporated like it was never there. Instead, it was more like she was floating in oblivion. And yet at the same time it was as if she had sunk into a bottomless well of love and possessiveness. Enveloped in an adoring crooning that caressed her until she no longer needed to think or worry anymore.
No, why would she when she would take care of her instead, would look after and allow her to exist in this state of peaceful joy? And all she needed to do was finally give herself over to the goddess who made her home in her soul, to allow herself be cherished. Mine.
But Neha didn’t want…
…
…
Neha smiled to herself as she realised her own silliness. Honestly, forgetting a thought like that.
It wasn’t like she needed to stay like this; she rationalised. She wasn’t being forced to stay, she could just pull herself up whenever she felt like it. Stay.
Felt…like…
Neha felt good. Boundless. Weightless even. Good. Happy. Yeah, Neha felt happy! For the first time, it was like an unbound joy sparked inside her.
“kid- hey, kid.” Chris snapped his fingers in front of her face. Neha blinked at the action, lazily glancing up at him. Apparently they had stopped walking. “Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with you? I thought you quit the scaredy cat act.”
“Nothing is wrong. The opposite in fact.” Everything was just great for once.
“Riiiiight. Sure. Anyway, I’m sure this is the spot, but I can’t see it anywhere. Do we need to summon it or something? How the hell do we do that…” he muttered more so to himself and wasn’t that just silly of him. Did he really not know?
“No, she’s here.” I’m here. You’re safe.
“What did you say- oh wait. Never mind. …wait, where is it?
Neha tapped the side of her forehead and repeated, “she’s here.” He looked at her blankly then dragged a hand down his face in what she could only assume was frustration. She wondered why.
“You’re screwing with me. Look, I get that you don’t like the situation but that’s not an excuse to make shit up.”
She pouted. “I’m not making it up. You’re being so rude.”
He recoiled. “I’m being rude? You’re being weird.”
“No I’m not.”
“Yes you are.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Nooooope, I’m not!”
“y- Neha.” He snapped and Neha flinched back. Why was he suddenly being so mean?
She nudged her. Mean, trust me?
Trust… of course Neha trusted her! She was happy, she was safe, and she didn’t need to worry. Contentness coiled around her gently. Trust, good.
This time, it was like there was a hand petting her, something embracing her and easing her deeper in instead of the previous rush. “Warmth seeped in from around her. It was like she was sinking into a pile of fluffy blankets, like she was drifting in a warm loving ocean.
It was even better than before, no more aching pains or too much awareness of her own skin. Instead, Neha was coaxed along with her now moving body. It was super weird. But a totally good kind of super weird. Like her friends- she loved her friends. She wondered where they were right now, she missed them already.
Neha’s mouth opened. “Found one. Thank you for returning my Initial one and Chosen one home.” It was like she could hear the words, but they didn’t really process and just slip away. It was funny, slip. Slip, slip, slip. She liked slip- no, she liked slip-pery didn’t she? She’s amused, yes, love slippery. The affection was overwhelming, but in a good way. A really good way. Neha wanted to drown in it. To fill her lungs with it until every cell was contaminated and she became it.
“Riiiight.” He looked out of depth, afraid even. It looked funny on his face and Neha couldn’t not giggle at it. A thrum of proud comforting encouragement echoed throughout her and how could she not smile at that? She felt giddy at the consistent reassurance, at the ever-ramping love surrounding her. she could just be here bathing in the adoration and letting someone who loves her look after her, so she doesn’t need to worry, instead of focusing on the conversation and stressing herself.
“Hey, uh, look. Um, we have a dead kid here and we don’t really know the protocol with this, but do you think you can bring him back? I am gonna be in a shit ton of trouble if this gets out man.”
“No-”
“o-”
“I know I can.” Another round of giggles erupted from her at the building annoyance that he was clearly trying to cover. She pet her with adoration again and all it did was send out another round of giggling as the joy burst out.
“Great, that’s…great. So uh, we’ll just leave him here while you work your magic an come and collect him or?”
“No, a ritual will need to be done. If he had been on my lands before perhaps or died on them. Unfortunately, no such thing occurred.”
“Right, a ritual…”
“Yes. A connection must be made for it to flow into him. For that, it must be one of the physical means. Out of affection however, not lust.”
“What, like true loves kiss sort of shit? Disney? I didn’t think that was real.”
“Stories have truth in them, but they also contain many falsehoods.”
“Huh, well it might take a while, but I can get Heather here. Just give me a minute to-”
Her head shook. The world swayed for a moment.
“Not Venomous one. Chosen one.”
“…right. and can it only be the ‘chosen one’- cause I kind of need her for some stuff.”
“Only Chosen one. It is only right that while the ritual progresses, I answer a prayer, she will help me. As will she be the easiest as my only Chosen one. It would be far harder to accomplish from any of the others. Take far longer.”
“So she can only do it because she’s the chosen one, what? Next thing you’re telling me she’s gonna have a whole army of gods at her disposal. She really doesn’t need that kinda ego boost, you know?”
“My Chosen one, she is my favourite, and you brought her home.” Home, it curled around her, inside her, almost possessively, mine, you are home. Neha liked home, she used to want a different one when she was younger and didn’t understand responsibility. But she thought that this home was her favourite, one where she could be happy.
“…of fucking course she is. Great. Well, the big guy, Owen, you remember him your all seeingness? I’m not sure he’d be too happy not being able to see his ‘little buddy’ again. Especially when I already promised him a trip.”
“The Untethered boy, yes, I remember him.”
“Untethered huh?”
“Yes, the Untethered boy. He and the girl remain untethered, I do hope it will not remain that way for long. I do enjoy your ritual sacrifices, it amuses me.”
He looked at her in surprise again, “sacrifices, when did we- oh, oh.”
“Yes, I quite prefer them. I do hope you have been enjoying your gifts in return and making great use of them?”
“Yeah, that was you huh? Thank you for your generosity then.”
“Your thanks are much appreciated. Now then, unless you wish for this boy to remain dead forever, we must stop the chattering and begin.”
“Right, yeah. Is this gonna take long then or…. Because I wasn’t really kidding about the time crunch and I need to know if I need to make arrangements or not.”
“This is a private affair Found one, it will be greatly advised for you to remain outside, and you will find out how long it will take when it finishes.”
“Okay, but seriously-”
“Leave. Now, Found one.” He stumbled back slightly with wide eyes before slinking off, the woods almost closing around him.
Lamely, she realised her mouth was still moving long after he had left, and she had moved to face the lake where her attention was captured by the pink and green little lights that now inhabited it.
One brushed her cheek and Neha laughed at the sensation, she wanted to follow them, to dance with them and their freeing movements. But she didn’t, the amused adoration blanketed her again and she felt more than content watching them instead.
They lifted and dragged Alejandro into the water from where he was on the floor. The water climbed over him- it looked like it was being absorbed into his flesh and as it did so, his body seemed to heal over itself. Muscles in pristine condition, skin completely unmarred, hair full and perfect like nothing had happened to it. And yet, despite all of this
There was another nudge, and Neha’s legs glided forwards. Her mouth was still moving. Had been nonstop since the start. Each step had her closer to the waters edge. She then paused at the faint reminder somewhere in her that she was carrying precious items in her pockets, like her book that she didn't want to ruin... she smiled as she realised she just had to empty them out before she got into the water! So she did. Then she was wading into it until it lay against her waist and she was standing over Alejandro’s still unmoving yet pristine body. He almost resembled a doll. Or a photo even.
Neha felt her body lean forward, not in control. Mine. Her hands cupped the side of his newly reformed face, he was unfairly handsome. Mine. Her head lowered.
She then froze as she sluggishly realised what was about to happen.
She didn’t want to- the guy was dead. Unconscious. Whatever. The point was he could not consent and Neha wasn’t that kind of person. She didn’t want to be the creep who kissed-
Mine. Mine. Mine. Safe. Mine. Neha’s body relaxed involuntarily again. Her mind swept up in a wave of calm, brushing everything away temporarily, knowing that as long as she stayed near the surface it’d come back to her in time.
She felt good. Drifting in a crystal ocean far enough from shore that she couldn’t hear the chatter but close enough that she could swim back if the tide tried to pull her under.
Neha’s thumb brushed his bottom lip, plush once more and no longer melting flesh. Even hair restored- that would remain a wonder to her. But he was cold, too cold, Alejandro was supposed to be warm like the sun. She used her thumb to push down slightly, coaxing the muscles in his jaw to relax and pry his mouth open.
Not even thinking twice she dove down. Down into the depths of that water, swimming closer and closer towards that gentle golden light now in view. Down until their lips press against each other. She reached for it, that light, allowing the warmth to wrap around her body against the coolness of the water. Allowed that warmth to travel through her, letting it seep through every pore in her body.
Her own lips parted further as she deepens, grasping onto that light harder and letting it concentrate through that open connection, straight into his own.
Sensing it spread through to his brain and heart and lungs until his skin warmed from that same soft glow, getting warmer and warmer like an ice cube melting on a hot summer’s day.
She was running out of breath now. But she couldn’t let go yet. Not when all she could taste was the salty water surrounding them, in them. Not when she knew that if she resurfaced that light would slip through her fingers and she wouldn’t get a chance to dive down again. So, she held on. Held on even as she grew lightheaded, held on as her limbs started to feel sluggish and not her own.
Then she was left with nothingness, the light finally gone and the resistance of the water pushing her slowly back up to the top.
Neha stumbled back in a daze. She had done…something. She had done something and it was all she needed to do. She could be free now, just had to push herself that remaining distance up to the surface. …..but then again…. what if she didn’t? what if she stayed floating where she was? What if she let herself sink slightly deeper again?
Mine. It…it would be easier. To hand herself over to someone that finally understood her wholly.
Yes, yes. And she could…she could finally be happy.
Happy, mine. She wouldn’t have to worry anymore. Feel guilty.
Mine, yes, my child. She wouldn’t have to go on anymore arrangements, marry a stranger to secure a future.
No, no ,no no. mine. My child. Mine. Yes…she could just belong with someone who loves and cares for her.
Yes. Yes. Love. Mine. My child. All she would have to do was…trust.
Trust. Trust me. My child.
Neha let herself sink further into the feeling. Let herself be enveloped as the warmth settled in her bones, curing the everlasting ache of coldness.
She didn’t know why she tried so hard to fight her. Not when she was offering the solution to a problem she’d been cursed with since she first hacked that website at the age of six. Neha could finally know peace and deep down, wasn’t that all she had ever wanted in her life? To no longer be cursed with the responsibility of being the smartest in the room? To no longer be the one who had to worry and stress over every possible thing that may go wrong? To no longer be saddled with the knowledge of the truth and the guilt of being unable to share it?
No. Neha couldn’t muster up a care or a worry. The opposite in fact. All she could do was picture how perfect her life could be now that she was saved from her burdens. How free she could be. How she could live every day of her life with a smile on her face and no stress lines to be found. And all she had to do was continue to give herself over- all of herself. Mind body and soul. Then she would be living in a utopia, protected by the harshness of life outside, free from the constraints placed on her, loved as she was and not by what she can give for once in her life.
Neha could love freely too, because what was there to worry about when she would fix it all for her? She had seen it now- felt it. The miracles she was capable of in all of her divine glory. So maybe it was time for her to stop hiding her real self to the world and instead put her trust and faith in her. She could live a happy idyllic life on this island. She would even grace her with tasks and asks, duties to fufill at her feet, if she wanted to. She could still fix and solve, but all without the heaviness to it. No, instead it would be of her own personal violation, because they made her happy. She could keep an eye out on Zeke and make sure he was safe and well cared for, surrounded by the friends he desired.
She could help Alejandro through the rest of the healing journey while his muscles catch up with the new framework. They could grow closer during this time with Neha finally able to display the care and love she has for him and Alejandro doing the same.
They could be together in a constant state of bliss with no expectations and they-
“Por favor, necesito... yo... ¿dónde estoy?... ¿qué soy? Estaba muerto, se que mori, que diablos esta pasando.”
Alejandro was thrashing in the water in wild panic reminiscent of a wild animal when confronted with its end.
…
…
Neha threw up.
…
…
She was dragged violently back up to the surface of her mind. Horror grew from within her, coiling like an angry snake, squeezing until she couldn’t breathe. Breathe.
She had almost- oh goddess mine she nearly-
Fuck.
Fuck.
What the fuck was she thinking?!?!
She clawed at her throat in desperation at the lump that now resided there. Or maybe it always did and she had gotten so used to it that she didn’t realise how bad it was until it reappeared.
Numbly she registered Chris slinking over to the still thrashing Alejandro from Goddess-knows-where, uttering words to him that she couldn’t comprehend in her too loud brain. Whatever he said to him must have worked to calm him down, but it then it turned out that it didn’t matter anyways because Chris bashed him over the head not even a moment later and he was unconscious once more.
Neha wanted to scream at him. To demand who he thought he was that he was treating someone currently so fragile like that. Instead, she took a strangled breath. Breathe for me. Breathe. Breathe.
Her body swayed as she stood up (…when did she get on the ground), lightheaded and tired. Despite that, Neha still made her way over to where Chris had dragged Alejandro out.
…
It was just the beginning of a thought, but one that made Neha feel guilty, nonetheless. Because how could she even think of putting someone in that kind of situation, forcing them to be with her while they were in love with someone else? Stripping away their freewill for her own benefit. It rattled her. Especially since she had fucking kissed him. She had kissed a guy who was unconscious- dead even! This wasn’t Disney, forcing yourself onto someone wasn’t romantic or justifiable. It was sick.
She was sick. No, no, you’re not.
….
…
..
.
She was sick. The ugly inhumanness of her making its presence known again.
…
…
…
…
“You finally snapped out of your sick little freakout?” Chris asked, now in front of her picking his nails. Considering his ego, it was weird for him to do that. Unless he was thinking too deeply about something to care.
“Yeah.” The left-over acid still burned her mouth.
“Shame I didn’t bring a camera.” He sighed before grinning at her. “That would have been epic footage for the show. Or to just sell, like an extra footage montage. Oh that’s a good idea actually.” He started walking off, then turned back. “Come on then, I’m not carrying him out of here. Chop chop, my creative juices are flowing now and I want to get these ideas written down!”
Neha didn’t want to stay here. She wanted to leave. No, stay. Stay with me. Stay with all of us. Home. And the easiest way to do so would be to just comply with Chris’ shitty order.
Neha bended down to try and pick him up but hesitated before she could. She felt guilty even at the idea of touching him. It was all consuming in a way and all it did was confirm for her what she had realised back in Jamaica. All this entire day had done in fact.
They had no chance of ever being together, Neha was too selfish and rotten for him. For anyone really. All she did was drag people down to her level of bitterness and hatred. The curse life placed on her would chase them down too. She was a walking malediction.
“Come on dude.” Neha shook herself out of her downward cycle and instead focused on picking him up.
She struggled on the walk back- he was heavy, likely muscle mass- but refused to drop him or drag him anywhere. Instead, she handled him with as much care caution as possible.
“Where’s homeschool?” Neha asked as soon as she realised they were all accounted for but him in the helicopter. The helicopter that was currently taking off.
“Eh, we’re leaving him here. He’ll be better off.” Chris waved off looking not at all concerned.
“You can’t just do that.” Neha frowned in disbelief. “He needs medical attention and psychological help, you literally said you were going to get him help. Numerous times. On the show even!”
“Yeah? well, I say a loooot of things, don’t I?” he shrugged with a smile. Neha still saw the lack of light in his eyes though. “Anyway, you know why we don’t do the whole doctor thing. It’ll be a pain to find anymore doctors willing to be paid off not to spill the beans on the whole ‘super regeneration’ thing. Plus, it’s not like any of you stay injured long enough for us to need any more. Anywho, everyone thinks Zeke’s little feral arc was staged, if we take him to an actual hospital then they will know it’s not, and then they’re gonna ask questions. Questions we don’t want.” He emphasised. Unfortunately it was the truth. Neha didn’t know what would happen if any of this got out to the rest of the world. What she did know was that whatever did would never be good for any of them. Please.
“What about Alejandro then? He’s going to need physiotherapy, and we don’t know if there’s going to be any side effects. You said it yourself: this is a completely unknown territory.” She reasoned, voicing her valid concerns.
“Eh, I was just gonna find some place to stash him for a bit. I told you, we can’t have any outside help.” He responded flippantly and Neha knew that he was being serious. If Alejandro was truly like them now then there wasn’t really anything stopping Chris from locking him in a room all day isolated, or putting him to work. It wasn’t like he could die anymore so there weren’t any actual negative consequences. Permanent ones she meant.
“Then I can do it.” Neha volunteered without even thinking. It was a terrible decision, one she didn’t really want to do after everything that happened, but he was literally leaving her with no choice. Someone would have to keep and eye out to make sure nothing too bad happened to him. Anyway, chances were he was going to assign her to that anyways, so at least this way she could pretend she had a say in it.
“Uh, yeahhhhhh, about that, you’re fired. Like, officially fired, contract terminated. For good.”
…
“What. You’re joking.” Neha stated in pure disbelief. …was he on drugs again. She should have known, of course he was.
“Yeah, no I’m not. I’m being totally serious. No more of that ‘Noah is fired but Neha isn’t’ bullshit. You, Neha, are no longer my employee.”
“What about keeping me in check so I don’t go running my mouth?” You know, the reason he hired her in the first place?!
“That was before I found out I could do my trick on over twenty-five people at once now and not like, six people max. Plus the contract you signed, NDAs and all that.” The latter wasn’t a problem. NDAs could be legally broken when reporting a crime. The former however? She hadn’t thought about the potential consequences at the time, too focused on the fucking dead body.
“You can’t stop me from staying here. You can’t get rid of me.” She argued because seriously, what was he thinking he could do without her? She did literally everything- sacrificed so much to slave away for him and that stupid show and-
“I mean, you would be breaking contract if you did.” What.
“What contract.” She demanded. “I haven’t signed a single contract since the beginning of action, and I have both that one and the island one memorised. At NOWHERE on it does it say ANYTHING about forcing me to stay away.”
“Weeeeell. You see, about that…. You didn’t sign anything. I did it for you!”
“You what?”
“The next year you are fully booked up with back-to-back shows that if you don’t appear on you’ll be facing a shit ton of legal problems and trials. Of course, it didn’t take much convincing to have someone sign on your behalf and have it still class as legal.”
“I- Chris, what the fuck are y-“
“But, well, despite your whole little shitness thing going on, you were a decent assistant. Far more competent than I thought you’d be. So I decided I might as well give you a small reward. Congratulations, you’ll be spending an entire year with your big buddy! On those back-to-back competitions. And wow, would you look at that, you’ll have no time to bother me with your stupid presence. Not unless you want to break your contract which will get you in prison. It’s a win-win in my books so its up to you what you want to do. And I’ll know either way” The illusion of choice. Great. Just…great. “From here on out, anything total drama related is none of your business.”
“Wait- no. that’s not what I-”
“I’m being serious, you’re useless to us now.”
“But-”
“You’re not allowed to go near any of the buildings, and you sure as hell aren’t allowed anywhere near any of the other contestants without my explicit permission. But I’ll talk to them about that myself. Make sure they receive the message, you know?” Neha hated to admit it, but it was stupidly smart. He would know if she wasn’t there, Owen couldn’t keep his mouth shut and was the only person who remained friendly with Chris over all of this, and it’d obviously be apparent on screen if she ever missed a day of filming. Please, come back.
Neha fumed. She glared at him, knowing full well he had her cornered. Neha didn’t like being cornered. She didn’t like that he was cutting her off from her friends he was dictating her every move either. Well, at least it was only for a year she supposed. He couldn’t stop her from returning after. The joy of the whole ‘Noah’ thing was that whenever ‘he’ made an appearance outside of the show, people flocked over. But most importantly they paid attention, and even though Chris could do his weird mind fuckery thing, she seriously doubted it could be done to a crowd of the size she tended to garner, let alone if they recorded anything. The only upside.
“Oh yeah, and another thing before I forget. After the year is up, you’re going to kill yourself and its going to be public. Make it something big, you know? Something that’ll last long enough so you can be pronounced dead. Put on one last show before you officially retire Noah and go back to your normal life. I talked to your family; they agreed to the terms.” She wondered just what he had told them. It wasn’t like any of them were aware of the whole ‘died numerous times and could possible develop weird unnatural abilities’ thing and Chris wouldn’t tell them that either. It was a blessing and a curse- she would have another year of freedom before being expected to settle down and married, but knowing her parents they had probably having talks with a suitor or two now. No, not happy, home.
“You want me to die.” She asked in pure disbelief because sure he’s shoved her off of cliffs and rigged her parachute and put her in more dangerous deadly situations than she could count (and how many of them had she died in but just refused to acknowledge it? No, never, mine) but he had never at any point actually said any of this out loud. He had never stared his beady dead eyes at her and told her to kill herself before.
“You’ll come back.” He shrugged
“That’s not the point. You’re telling me to not only die, but to kill myself. Publicly.” She stressed. No…don’t hurt….self.
“Yeah, duh.” He rolled his eyes. “So you can’t come back as Noah, obviously. Instead you get to go back to your normal life. I talked to your parents about you taking the year out and they agreed as long ‘committed to your responsibilities eventually’ or something like that. But if you don’t want to or have some kind of weird hang up about it then I could always hire someone to do it. I would say have an intern do it but they are useless!” the intern next to them flinched.
“What about the other contestants?”
“Wow, someone has a big ego. You’re an extra kid, that immediately means you weren’t close or friends with like two thirds of them lot. And I feel like the whole ‘them not knowing about you lying to them about who you are and you not wanting to tell them to the point of avoiding everyone’ would put a damper on any potential bonds there. As for the big guy? That one I do feel kinda bad about buuuuut he’d probably get over it at some point.” But that wasn’t true. There was a couple of them who did know and selfishly she didn’t mention it. Chris might always get his way, but she wanted to be remembered for all this fucking shit she was put through. Always.
“You really thought this out.” Was what Neha replied with instead. It was said apprehensively because it was clear that it had been. Just how long had he been planning this?
“Yepp. Now then do us all a favour and fuck off. Get out of our lives you useless fucking coward!” he cheered at her. “Someone will come pick you up at the nearest train station buuuuut since we don’t have time to stop, you’re gonna have to jump for it! Good luck on the way down. Oh, yeah, and try to avoid falling in a lake of eels this time?” Neha imagined choking that dickhead then and there. She knew full well he had planted those eels- electric eels weren’t found naturally in small ponds in England after all.
“Fine.” She snapped, ignoring the new burning that had been building during the conversation. Shedidn’tactuallywanttoneverseeherfriendsagaintheywereherfriendsandshecaredaboutthemandshelikedtothinktheycaredabouthershedidn’twantthelastthingtheyknowaboutheristhinkingshefuckingkilledherself. In fact, she wanted this she wanted to be away from them- from her. no-nononono, safe, mine, please.
She wanted this.
“Fuck you Chris. I hope you rot in hell you fucking psychopath.”
“I’ll see you there kid, but if I see you even a moment earlier then-”
“You’ll make my life living hell. I got it. Asshole.”
“Good. See you never, go pester another host ya parasite.”
Neha gave another glance at where Alejandro lay still unconscious- at least this time, he was actually breathing. She wanted to run her hands through his hair. She wanted to grab him before she left and try to make an escape.
She didn’t.
Fuck, she was such a coward.
Neha turned to the now open door (the intern, maybe it was a good thing she never learned his name) of the plane and found no dread in her mind. She was pissed, and she was hurt, and she felt like a cornered animal. But perhaps she had gotten too used to the idea of pain and her own death that her brain had become twisted. Or perhaps that ritual on the island affected her more than she thought.
…..It was going to hurt, not having a parachute when she jumped. Though the death could be instantaneous if she angled herself right, the problem would be the healing afterwards and Neha didn’t want to perform surgery on herself so she could heal with everything in place. So head and back were her safest options.
But then she paused because would it really matter? She knew now that they could die and be healed again over an over again in a small amount of time, and she knew now that there probably wasn’t anything they couldn’t come back from. Safe, mine.
It’d hurt, and it’d be a painful reminder of this day and Neha’s own cowardice. Like a punishment she would carry with her forever. Or nothing would happen at all, and she was being over dramatic. Though she supposed that she wouldn’t know until it happened.
Maybe it was morbid curiosity, maybe it was the guilt, or maybe Neha just wanted to test fate, but she made up her mind.
Neha gave Chris one last middle finger and stepped off the plane, leaning back.
When she fell this time, there was no blind panic after realising she was given a tampered parachute hidden cleverly by words laced with sarcasm aimed at a camera, just acceptance of what was going to happen. She wasn’t praying desperately for her wig to stay on during the shot, instead it lay secure in her pocket.
Her hair whipped her face as it fanned out around her, stinging every time. It was annoying, she thought to herself.
…
…
…Neha was alone.
She was falling alone with no one to see.
…
…
…
Well, that wasn’t fully true though, was it? She was still there with her, had never left and would probably never leave. No. Neha snorted incredulously at the adamant answer.
Mine, she cooed again. This time it was an almost desperate sort of comfort and for once Neha didn’t ignore it- ignore her. Instead she let the feeling pass through like a safety net ready to catch her when she falls and fix her after she landed.
When.
It’s a funny word when. A word filled with certainty and assuredness. The same certainty she had felt on the morning the volcano erupted, on the afternoon of the eel incidence, when she first stepped onto the island and thought something was off. And one she felt now, knowing the inevitable was drawing near. That one day, she would finally crack and fall back into the tempting adoration she could never even dream to deserve. You do, you are loved.
But for now, Neha had that false hope. Perhaps she could finally start anew like she always wanted. Maybe she could convince her family to look into alternative pathways for the future of their finance and reputation. Perhaps she could stay away from that stupid island, and that cursed show for the rest of her life.
Perhaps she could spend time with the closest thing she has to a friend far, far away from it all and maybe even have fun. And perhaps, Neha could stop putting her heart through baseless longing for things she couldn’t have.
And if not, then Neha would deal with it. She did before so she could now. She didn’t need to break into pieces and have a deity pick them up again like some kind of plaything- because of course, the only thing that could ever love her and her inhuman self was something that was never human in the first place. She didn’t need to sign her entire being away to a cosmic being to take care of her like a prized jewel in a jewellery box. Love, mine.
Although truthfully, the thought brought her a great deal of comfort, that there was an eventual end to it all where she’s incapable of suffering any more.
And Neha despised herself for that, even while a force hit her back so hard that she couldn’t breathe, even when the sharp darkness overcame her instantly after.
..
..
..
Moments later Neha awakened full of agony and ready to claw her way deeper into the hole she dug herself in when she first signed that stupid contract.