Chapter Text
“I’ll be worried about you all the time.”
“That’s just love.” - Maarva Andor (Star Wars Andor)
She would not be sorry to leave this house. Too many memories within the large, drafty rooms. Too many cold silences, and tired sighs hidden in between the walls. Too much loss, too much grief, and too much death. The most recent of these, the death of her marriage.
Laura stood at the bottom of the steps, as she looked around one last time. Servants walked past her, carrying her luggage to the waiting car outside. She felt an inner turmoil that she hadn’t expected. Her marriage had been long dead. The decision to leave long overdue. She almost thought them foolish to have ever had expected that they had a chance in the beginning.
Still her heart clenched. She ignored it. Laura would stand firm in her decision. She knew it to be the right one.
The front door opened, and she turned to see Bill standing in the doorway. Their eyes met, and he frowned. She held his eyes in silent challenge, but he turned away, the lines on his face tight.
“The car is ready your ladyship,” the butler said.
“Thank you,” Laura responded. He nodded and left them alone. Bill made no move, no indication that he wanted to say something. Laura shook her head lightly, before walking past him. A hand closed around her wrist, and she stopped, surprised, she turned to face him. She was equally surprised to see the anguish on his face.
“Wait,” Bill said.
***
1 hour earlier
“I’m going to lose her,” Bill lamented, hands closed around a glass of brandy. It was the middle of the day, but he sat in a pub, his longtime friend Saul, beside him. Saul took a sip from his glass before speaking.
“Win her back,” he said, like it was that simple.
“She’s made up her mind.”
“Change her mind.”
“You don’t know Laura,” Bill said.
“Then it comes down to one thing I suppose.”
“What’s that?”
“Do you love her?” Bill hesitated, before he answered.
“She doesn't love me.” He took a sip of his drink, it burned his throat.
“That’s it then? Your intent on giving up?” Saul asked.
“The battle's been lost,” Bill said.
“Does she know you love her?” He couldn’t be sure, and he said nothing. “Tell her. What do you have to lose? She’s leaving anyway,” Saul grumbled. He frowned into his drink, shadows crossing his expression, and Bill knew he was thinking of Ellen.
He supposed Saul was right. What did he have to lose?
Bill thought of when he had first met Lady Laura Roslin. Theirs hadn’t been a love match, not by far, their path had been swallowed in tragedy, and grief. Even so, even after everything, he couldn’t help but love her. His chest constricted. She hadn’t told him she was leaving, but he knew. There had been whispers, and rumors and he had known for a long time that she wouldn’t stay.
15 years ago
Bill felt completely numb. He sat at a table full of people, but he was alone. He made small talk with the person beside him, answering their questions. He feared that he was hardly holding up his end of the conversation but he didn’t much care.
Caroline was dead. She had passed almost five months ago but some days it still felt like yesterday. The shock still fresh. The overwhelming realization that he would be solely responsible for his two boys, only ten and twelve.
To make matters worse, his family's fortune had been lost. He would lose the house soon if he couldn’t figure something out. His mother had told him to remarry, find a rich woman, someone to serve as mother to his children. He didn’t want to, but it was the most logical choice.
Bill noted that the person to his side had given up trying to converse with him and turned to the person on their other side instead. He looked up across the dinner table, and across from him was Lady Laura Roslin, dressed all in black. He met her eyes for a moment, and he could swear he saw something in them. Something that mirrored the same emotion in his eyes. She had lost her family, her mother to cancer a few years back and the rest all at once, only one sister remained. For a moment he felt that she understood him.
Alone but surrounded by people.
After the dinner they all gathered in the drawing room. Bill observed her, standing off to the side by herself. She stared intently at something and his eyes followed her gaze. She was watching her sister, who sat talking with a man much older than she was.
Bill went to stand beside her. She glanced at him, but said nothing. They stood in silence for a few moments.
“He’s going to propose to her,” Laura said. “And she’ll say yes.,” There was something in her voice and expression, like despair. She sighed.
“You don’t approve?” Bill asked.
“She doesn’t really want to marry him. She’s trying to save us.” Laura blinked her glistening eyes. She didn’t have to explain. Both her sister and her were unmarried, they would lose their family fortune if neither of them did soon. The story had been spread all over town.
The Roslin fortune was a substantial one. He had known Laura since they were both children. Not well, but he knew her. He had never disliked her. These rationals ran through his mind before he posed his next question.
“Can I call on you?” he asked. She looked at him, she seemed startled like she hadn’t realized she had been speaking to someone. She took a moment to respond.
“If you want,” she said.
Present
They stood still, his hand still holding onto her wrist. She waited for him to speak.
“Laura…”
15 years ago
Since he had begun calling on her she had known she would say yes to his proposal.
He had asked her to come for a walk.
“You know what I’m going to ask,” Bill said.
“I do.”
“What is your answer?”
“I agree,” she said. They were silent the rest of the way. It worked out for both of them. She had heard the rumors of his money troubles. She didn’t mind that he was only marrying her for the money, she was using him in almost the same way. This way her sister could take her time and choose who she wanted to marry, she would keep her family's fortune, Bill would still have money. It all worked out quite nicely.
There was one other reason that she agreed. One that she didn’t share. He brought two young boys into her cold and empty house. They filled it with sound, and life, something it had been so lacking in before. She knew in a few years her sister would be married and out of the house, and she would be alone. Now she wouldn’t be.
Present
“It wasn’t all bad. Was it?” Bill asked her.
“Let go of me,” she hissed.
5 years ago
“I’m very sorry to inform you, your son Zak Adama has been killed,” the man said, a grim expression on his face. “I’ll show myself out.”
Her, Bill and Lee, all stood in the drawing room. Laura’s stomach twisted, her chest constricting. After all these years Zak was almost like a son to her. Her eyes found Bill, who stood frozen.
“This is your fault!” Lee shouted, tears of anger and grief in his eyes. “He never would have enlisted if it hadn’t been for you!” Tears streamed down his face. Bill made no reaction. Lee shook his head. “S-someone needs to tell Kara,” he said. He left the room.
Laura turned slowly to face Bill. He looked up at her and she could read the heartbreak on his face. Laura swallowed around the lump in her throat. She opened her arms, beckoning him to her. He stepped into her embrace, and he cried. He held to her tightly.
Present
“What are you hoping to accomplish here?” Laura asked. “Let me leave.” Her face flushed with anger. He finally released her wrist, but he stayed where he was, blocking the door.
“Let me say my piece,” he said. “Then I’ll let you go.”
“Fine.”
3 years ago
Bill lingered in the doorway, the door was open half way. Inside he could see Laura, sitting at her sister’s bedside, holding a damp cloth to Cheryl’s forehead.
“You're going to be okay,” Laura was saying, speaking in soft tones.”You're going to get better Cheryl.” She didn’t respond, but the fever was too high for her to really be aware of her surroundings.
“Do you need a break?” Bill asked her, approaching her.
“No,” Laura responded. “I’m not leaving her.”
Sometime during the night he awoke to a commotion, servants rushing down the hall. With his heart in his throat, he walked down the hall to Cheryl’s room. Laura stood outside, pacing.
“The doctors with her,” she said. Then she went very still, standing in front of him, her breathing short and uneven, eyes sparkling with unshed tears. Such an expression on her face, that he never wanted to see again. “I can’t lose her,” she said.
The door opened, and the doctor exited the room. His face was grim.
“We should try to make her comfortable,” he said. “I’m sorry there is nothing more I can do.” He heard Laura’s stuttering intake of breath. She went to Cheryl’s bedside.
“Don’t leave me,” she said, her voice nothing more than a hoarse, broken whisper. “Cheryl, don't leave me. Please.” He watched as she slipped away. Bill put a hand on her shoulder, but she pushed it away. He tried to be there for you, but she retreated into herself. It seemed like all the life had gone out of her.
Present
Bill was silent. Was he being a fool?
There was something hard in her expression as she regarded him. He knew she still had softness within her, it had been hidden, smothered, by pain. She was angry with him, angry at the world. She had been since that day, since she had lost her sister. He knew this though she did not yell, or raise her voice, her anger was quiet and cold.
“I’m not doing this anymore,” Laura said, “Goodbye Bill.” She moved to walk around him. He could feel his chance slipping away.
“I love you,” he said, voice barely louder than a whisper. She stopped, her hand on the door, but she didn’t turn back.
“What?”
“I love you Laura. I have for a long time.” She turned to face him slowly, her lips parted slightly, eyes wide. She swallowed, shutting her mouth. Surely she couldn’t be that surprised.
“This changes nothing,” she said. His chest constricted. “This is hardly a marriage.”
“It could be.” Bill stepped forward, she didn’t move. “You're scared,” he said.
3 years ago
“Do you know what my mother said to me before she died?” Laura asked. She lay on the floor, in front of the fireplace. He had tried to get her to at least lay in bed, but she had refused. She barely moved, barely ate. She had given up.
“What did she say?” Bill asked. It was the most she had said since Cheryl had died.
“Take care of your sisters.” She stared into the firelight. Bill didn’t know what to respond.
“Do you want some tea?”
“Leave me alone.”
Present
He gently removed her hand from the door, holding it in his. Her hand trembled. “You're scared to get close to anyone again,” Bill said.
“Maybe I’m meant to be alone.”
“Maybe you're not.”
3 years ago
She didn’t cry at the funeral. And after it was over and everyone had left, she didn’t cry then either. She wore the same vacant expression. Bill watched her worriedly. She spoke eloquently, she made small talk with people, accepted condolences. Through all of it there was no light behind her eyes.
She was never the same after that. Everything she did was hollow. He tried to reach her, but she wouldn't let him.
Present
“You don’t love me, you’re just afraid of being alone.”
1 month ago
“Did you hear the Dublins are getting a divorce?” Laura asked over breakfast.
“Yes I have, it’s all over town.”
“It seems people aren't as intent on remaining in loveless marriage anymore.” Bill looked up at her then across the table. She didn’t look up at him. There was something in her tone…
“The anniversary of Zak’s death is coming up. I was thinking of going to visit his grave. You could come. We could go to Cheryl’s grave as well,” Bill said. She tensed at the mention of her sister.
“No.”
Present
Bill took a step forward.
“Do you really believe that?” he asked. He traced a finger over her cheekbone. “Do you really?” he repeated. She didn’t answer. “Are you so dead inside that you can’t tell?”
“I don’t want to do this,” she said, drawing back, until her back hit the door. He could see it in her eyes, she wanted to run.
“I don’t love you,” she said. It stung though he knew it was true.
“Doesn’t matter.” A long moment of silence passed between them. Laura turned, opening the door she left, it fell shut behind her.