Chapter Text
Your name is Karkat Vantas. Your 15th wriggling day is exactly 3 weeks from now, and your honestly surprised you've even lived this long.
Your survival and the fact your quality of life has slightly improved is mostly thanks to the fact your friend Feferi miraculously survived challenging her ancestor and became Alternia's new empress a few sweeps ago.
Many things have changed, although fixing centuries of prejudice, abuse, oppression, and slavery overnight is impossible, Feferi managed to at least fix a few laws and improve working conditions for many.
Another thing that changed seems to be your friends themselves. Eridan and Equius aren't entirely insufferable anymore, Vriska has stopped being a horrible murderer and has instead settled on gossip and pranks rather than giving friends permanent fucking disabilities, and everyone seems to have matured a bit, well... some more than others...
You're still incredibly interested in awful romance movies, obsessed with being a leader (at least to some extent), awful at coding, and always screaming at the top of your lungs.
You have also continued to hide your blood colour, as although Feferi outlawed killing other trolls ESPECIALLY over blood colour, you know showing the world your "disgusting" mutant candy red blood is still an aweful and dangerous idea.
You're just about to go out for a walk when your husktop suddenly lights up with a notification.
Despite being full grown adults and the fact it's pretty outdated and irrelevant by now, you and your friends still use trollian to communicate.
To your surprise, instead of it being your annoying moirail rambling about miracles while high again, it's... Feferi? You would've thought she'd be too busy to talk, and using an outdated chat client while being the empress seems... Weird somehow. Nevertheless, you open it anyway.
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cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
CC: )(---EY, KARKAT!
CC: Are you busea aboat... 6 days from now?
CC: I'm coasting a tideally glubbing AW---ESOM----E party to get everyone back toget)(er!
CG: SURE. I GUESS I'LL COME, BUT I WON'T LIKE IT.
CG: I'M ONLY GOING BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO KEEP GAMZEE IN CHECK.
CC: I'm glad you're coming!
CG: DON'T TAKE THIS AS ME CARING!
CG: I JUST DON'T TRUST YOU ASSHOLES!
CC: Okay, mister "I tideally don't care aboat my friends even t)(oug)( I suck at hiding it because I basically just said I'm worried aboat them!"
CC: Just don't be a total crab!
CC: And don't worry aboat outfits! It's not formal or anyt)(ing!
CC: Just wear w)(atever!
cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
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Oh shit... Why did you agree???
You scream every swear you know before kicking around a book on coding before slapping yourself across the face.
'GET IT TOGETHER, VANTAS!' You think to yourself (or you HOPE you thought to yourself because you very much so could've screamed that aloud)
"WHY DID I FUCKING AGREE!? I JUST MADE A MISTAKE SO IDIOTIC A GRUB THAT WAS DROPPED DIRECTLY ON IT'S STUPID OVERSIZED SKULL WOULD LAUGH AND CALL ME A TOTAL FUCKING DUMBASS IN THEIR WEIRD SHITTY LANGUAGE OF HISSING AND BABBLING GIBBERISH!" You actually scream out loud this time.
You aren't a complete numbskull, you know "It's not formal!" And "Just wear whatever!" Obviously mean "You will look like a complete and utter moron if you show up in anything other than the nicest suit available to you.
Besides, who the actual hell shows up to the ROYAL FUCKING PALACE in a sweater and sweatpants and whatever other crappy articles of clothing and accessories you tend to wear!?
You also heavily regret going because you know your friends will make it an utter fucking disaster AND Gamzee and Tavros will be there and you'll somehow make it awkward.
You're starting to feel like you're 6 sweeps old again with the amount of relationship drama in your life.
Before you had the problem of crushing on Terezi, Nepeta crushing on YOU, having to be that psychopathic stoner clown's moirail, AND being the group's romance expert,
AND NOW you've got the problem of having a red-rom crush for FUCKING NITRAM of all trolls, but now you're starting to feel flushed for your own gogdamn moirail!
This entire situation is like something out of the SHITTIEST, most CLICHÉ, fucking romance movie of ALL FUCKING TIME!!!
However, you don't have time to waste worrying about your shitty quadrant situation, you've gotta prepare.
You know you should probably go find something decently formal enough and maybe go find a gift considering you're pretty sure showing up to the palace without some kind of tribute (even if you are the empress's friend) is probably seen as either treason by formal suck-ups or "a major dick move" by a NORMAL troll being. (Although you have no gogdamn idea what the actual hell "dick" is supposed to mean or why it's even used as a swear, you seriously don't even know where anyone picked it up from)
You look through your closet and manage to find some dress pants (which luckily aren't ripped somehow), a white dress shirt, red bowtie, grey button up vest, and some decent shoes.
'Good enough. No need to go overboard when CERTAIN trolls probably aren't going to bother looking nice AT ALL' you think to yourself in the most passive-aggressive tone your thinkpan can manage.
You can't remember how you got any of this, but your best guess is that it had something to do with Eridan or Kanaya.
You set that aside and scavenge your hive for any of the money you've gotten from your shitty job at a cinema of all fucking things.
You hit up the nearby market and immediately the large crowd and loud noise piss you off.
You want to spend as little time there as possible so you pick up the first affordable ocean-themed piece of jewelry you can find (which just so happens to be a generic seashell necklace) and get the absolute fuck outta that hell-hole.
The second you get back to your hive you immediately wrap it and set it aside before going to contemplate your entire life in your respiteblock.
Your midlife existential crisis is interrupted by a bunch of your shitty friends harassing you at once.
You climb out of your recuperacoon and scramble to your husktop to get these assholes off your back.
You see the list of annoying buldge-munchers trying to get your attention and audibly groan.
You see notifications from Terezi, Kanaya, and most surprising of all (and not even in a sarcastic way, you're genuinely shocked)... Sollux? Usually YOU'RE the one trying to get in contact with that asshole, he's so gogdamn asocial that he's only been the one to initiate conversation with someone else a handful of times across the ENTIRE group.
You decide to see what he wants first mostly out of curiosity.
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twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
TA: Dude, u2ually II hate talkiing two you becau2e II'm pretty 2ure you have rock2 iin your thiinkpan, but
TA: You gotta fuckiing help me man.
TA: II have a fuckiing miigraiine and iit'2 all FF'2 fault.
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT!?
CG: GENUINELY WHAT COULD YOU WANT FROM ME?
CG: I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUCH A COOL GUY AND COULD HANDLE EVERYTHING YOURSELF.
CG: AND WHAT THE FUCK COULD FEFERI HAVE DONE?
TA: II got iinviited two that 2hiity fuckiing party and now ED ii2 fuckiing torturiing me.
TA: II diidn't even want two go, but he'2 forciing me two even though II'm bu2y.
CG: BUSY DOING WHAT? EVERYONE KNOWS ALL YOU DO IS CODE AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES.
CG: YOU EVEN INVOLVE COMPUTERS IN YOUR SHITTY FUCKING JOB.
TA: 2hut up, a22hole.
TA: Anyway2,
TA: He'2 been (lmao uniintentiional bee pun) iin2ii2tiing (another acciidental bee pun) II wear 2omethiing "proper" on top of already forciing me two go.
TA: II've been hiidiing from hiim for the pa2t 30 miinute2 and AA won't help me.
TA: 2eriio2ly 2end help.
TA: Plea2e.
TA: II'm beggiing.
CG: YOUR FAULT FOR DATING THAT BULDGE-MUNCHING, STRANGELY FASHION OBSESSED, INCEL!
CG: I'M NOT FUCKING HELPING YOU, I DON'T EVEN THINK I CAN!
CG: I WOULDN'T EVEN IF I COULD.
TA: Fuck you, KK.
TA: Fiine.
TA: II'll a2k KN for help.
TA: Jegu2 chrii2t you fuckiing 2uck.
twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
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Well that was fucking stupid.
Even though Eridan is less of a horrible troll being, he's obviously still a handful considering how often Sollux and Aradia tend to complain about his antics. (And the fact Sollux immediately dramatically quit his helming job in favor of fucking TECH SUPPORT the second he found out Eridan was in charge of the ship he was assigned to. EVEN THOUGH he would've had arguably better working conditions and better pay due to Feferi's changes if he stayed.)
You decide to check up on Kanaya next because usually when Terezi reaches out she's just trying to piss you off or ask for something completely unimportant.
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grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
GA: Karkat?
GA: Do You Have A Moment?
CG: SURE.
CG: WHAT DO YOU NEED?
GA: Mostly I'm Just Checking In To Make Sure You're Okay, But I Did Genuinely Have Something To Say.
CG: YEAH?
GA: I Was Curious As To Wether Or Not You Were Attending Feferi's Party.
CG: OF COURSE I AM.
CG: I HAVE TO KEEP EVERYONE IN LINE LIKE ALWAYS.
('Oh for fuck sake, absolutely everything is going to be about this... There's no escaping this shitty party, it there?' you say in your head as you roll your eyes at your screen)
GA: Ah. Good.
GA: I Was Hoping You Would Come.
GA: After All, It'd Be A Very Incomplete Reunion Without You.
CG: THANKS?
CG: I FEEL MILDLY APPRECIATED.
CG: DOES ME SAYING THAT SATISFY YOU?
GA: Considering That's The Best Anyone Can Get Out Of You When You're In A Sour Mood, Yes.
CG: I SHOULD PROBABLY GO SEE WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK TEREZI WANTS.
CG: ALSO SOLLUX NEEDS YOU TO ASSIST HIM WITH DISTRACTING HIS ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND.
CG: ALSO HE'LL PROBABLY BE PISSED IF YOU CALL HIM "SOLLUXANDER" AGAIN SO DON'T DO THAT.
GA: I Suppose I'll Have To Go Assist Him Then...
GA: Farewell For Now, Vantas.
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
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You finally answer Terezi, and by the first message she sent, you can already tell this will be a major waste of time.
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gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
GC: K4RKL3S!!!
GC: 4R3 YOU THERE? >:?
GC: 1 H4V3 SOM3TH1NG TOT4LLY 1MPORT4NT TO T3LL YOU!
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!?
CG: I ALREADY KNOW IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
GC: RUD3! >:[
GC: 4NYW4YS, VR1SK4 4ND 1 4R3 GO1NG TO S33 SOM3 SH1TTY MOV13 TOMORROW 4ND 1 W4NT YOU TO TH1RD WH33L.
CG: FINE! BUT ONLY BECAUSE I NEED A DISTRACTION RIGHT NOW!
GC: SW33T! >:]
GC: 4LSO 1 GOT 4LCOHOL FOR 4FT3RW4RDS! >:]
GC: H3H3H3
CG: I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH EITHER OF YOU DRUNK!
CG: YOU BETTER BE FUCKING RESPONSIBLE.
GC: W1LL DO, K4RKL3S!
CG: ANYWAYS, I'M GOING TO PRETEND TO BE BUSY.
CG: IF ANYONE NEEDS ANYTHING, THEY CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF.
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]
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You proceed to busy yourself with literally any activity you can and by the end of the night you've deep cleaned your entire hive thrice despite how much you hate doing so.
You're surprised Gamzee hasn't contacted you all night. He hasn't even accidentally butt-trolled you while high (because yes, that has somehow happened in the past. He literally once sat on his husktop and somehow opened a conversation with you.)
You're starting to worry and decide to check up on him tomorrow after the movie if he still hasn't said anything.
Part of you is worried that something happened to him, while the other is worried he's starting to replace you. Even worse if it's with Tavros because then you know both the trolls you're flushed for enjoy each other's company over yours.
You shrug it off and climb back into your recuperacoon, laying awake for several hours before finally falling asleep...
END OF CHAPTER 1