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Sybil sat sullenly next to Mary in the back seat of the car. Anna and Edith shared the front of the vehicle. After getting back on the road no one said a word for a few minutes, but Sybil knew the quiet wouldn’t last. She was trying to mentally prepare herself for what to say. She knew the sorts of things Mary was certain to bring up. Mary was rather quick to call her a baby, point out she was young and stupid, which Sybil didn’t take kindly too. She was hardly a baby anymore and she’d seen a great deal of the world through her work as a nurse. She was far more acquainted with the “real world” than Mary or Edith or anyone else in her family at this point. She just stared ahead in the dark of the car. She wouldn’t be the first one to speak.
Mary only gave her about ten minutes reprieve. “What were you thinking, Sybil? How could you do something like this?”
“Do something like what?” Sybil wasn’t about to let Mary get away with suggesting that she’d done anything horrible. Yes, she now thought that she should face the music instead of trying to sneak behind everyone’s backs, but she didn’t think she’d done anything wrong.
“Like eloping with the chauffeur. You promised me you would tell me before you did anything stupid.” Mary’s voice had that chiding older-sister tone that Sybil was beginning to hate when it came to the topic of her love life.
“You found my note, didn’t you? How else could you have found me.” Yes, Sybil had promised not to do anything stupid without telling Mary first, but marrying Tom wasn’t stupid. Besides, she’d lied so Mary would keep quiet. It wasn’t the first time and certainly wouldn’t be the last.
“Leaving a note in a locked room isn’t the same thing at all,” said Mary. “You’ve been a complete child about this whole thing.”
There it was, the accusations, the diminishings, the condescension. “I’m not, and I won’t listen to you if all you’re going to do is call me names and bully me. In fact, you can let me out of the car right now and I’ll walk back to Tom and we’ll go through with eloping if you won’t treat me like a person with my own brain who knows what I’m about.” More than anything, Sybil hated being underestimated by her family because she happened to be younger than her sisters. Mary and Edith were always treated as if they were ages and ages older than her, but she was twenty-three and more than old enough to make up her own mind about both herself and the world.
“Sorry,” Mary said, Sybil was sure only to pacify her but it did work. “What I meant to say is that it seems that maybe you haven’t considered all the angles here. Maybe there’s some things you haven’t thought of, that’s all.”
“But I have thought of it, I’ve thought about everything. I’ve been thinking it all over for three years now and I don’t think I could have thought on it any more.” Sybil was trying to keep calm but she was starting to get a little wound up now.
“Three years?” Mary’s shock was clear in her tone of voice. “You never said it had been going on that long.”
“Why should I have?” said Sybil. “When all you or anyone else would do is criticize me and tell me he should be fired.”
“What else have you not told me?” Mary demanded. “He hasn’t seduced you, has he?” There was an odd note in Mary’s voice that Sybil wasn’t quite sure about. Maybe a hint of sympathy or pity. It was a note of soft concern not accusation.
“No he has not, he’s been a perfect gentleman this entire time.” Sybil wanted that to be very clear. Yes, she wanted to sleep with him, and he felt the same, but they’d agreed to wait till it was all done properly. “And I don’t think it should matter even if I did.” And she didn’t think it should matter, but she was well aware that everyone else in the world would care, she wasn’t blind to that fact.
“Are you telling me the truth?” Mary pressed. “You aren’t just telling me what I want to hear this time?”
“No, I’m not,” said Sybil. “I’m done with deception. I should have said something long ago, even. I love Tom and I will marry him and he has done nothing to give anyone pause except love someone that society says is too far above him.”
“Well, you are too far above him,” said Edith from the front seat. “All of this is madness. Papa will have him strung up by his toes when he finds out.”
“Papa is just going to have to live with it,” said Sybil. She knew it was easier said than done. Their father was going to be livid and he could hold a grudge for a very long time.
“And so are you, if Papa decides he’s never going to speak to you again,” Mary said quite bluntly. “You know that’s what’s going to happen, right? Even if you are the favorite.”
Sybil knew it all to well. It had been one of the major reasons she’d spent so long dragging her feet. She knew that to take Tom would be to leave her family, specifically Papa, in a very real and probably permanent way. That’s why it had taken her three years to think about it. Her feelings for Tom had been bubbling under the surface since the first time he’d handed her feminist political pamphlets, but the cost of those feelings had for so long kept her in check.
“I know what I risk losing, but I’ve decided that I don’t care.” That wasn’t really true either. She did care. She knew it would hurt a lot to be parted from her father and she hated the idea that he’d spend the rest of his life hating her for living hers.
“You will,” said Edith. “When you’ve had a chance to cool off and realize what you’re doing. You will care.”
“I won’t,” said Sybil. “I told you, I’ve been considering this for a long time now. I’m prepared to face the consequences if it means I get to spend the rest of my life with Tom.”
“Do you really love him?” asked Mary, pointedly. “This isn’t just some show of independence now that your nursing got taken away from you?”
Sybil was stunned by the accusation. She couldn’t believe Mary would stoop so low with her. That was the sort of cruel remark that she usually reserved for Edith. Mary was clearly very aware of how much nursing had meant to Sybil and how much she mourned her life outside of Downton and her freedom now that she wasn’t needed any longer. But none of that had anything to do with why she wanted to marry Tom. She was sure of it.
“Of course I love him, I’m going to marry him.” Sybil was still taken aback by Mary’s audacity.
“But why does it have to be now? Why can’t you wait a little longer?” Mary was trying to reason her into doing something she didn’t want to do.
“I’ve been waiting, haven’t you been listening. I’ve waited for three years. How much more thinking time does a person need? You and Carlisle know each other far less well than I know Tom. What else am I supposed to wait for?” Sybil’s voice was starting to waver, this whole argument was already exhausting. She was beginning to regret leaving with her sisters. She should have just stayed with Tom and gone through with the elopement.
“Sir Richard and I have been seeing each other publicly and everyone knows it. I haven’t been sneaking into the garage for clandestine trysts after dark.” Mary took another jab at Sybil. “How well can you really say you know Branson when all you’ve been doing for years now is nursing? You should really take some time and reconsider.”
“I’ve not been sneaking anywhere,” Sybil raised her voice because she didn’t know how else she might get through to her sisters. “Tom and I have spent loads of time together and we’ve talked about everything a person needs to talk about. I haven’t spent the last three years just daydreaming about him. I’ve gotten to know him as a person and I can’t believe I’m having to defend myself to you like this. You’re my sister-” here Sybil’s voice finally cracked and she began to cry.
She’d known she would have no allies in this matter. That had been part of the reason she wanted to elope. She knew everyone would be attacking her and it would be far easier to just show up, marriage certificate in hand, and let everyone shout themselves hoarse. It wasn’t fair how her family’s love was contingent on her behaving in a very particular way. She hated it and knew Mary hated it too. It was the reason Mary always turned to Carson when she was upset, because he would care for her unconditionally, something their parents would never do.
Once Sybil started weeping she couldn’t even think anymore to argue. She hated how bound up she was by the silly rules of her family and the silly slice of society they lived in. She wanted to be free and she wanted Tom. She missed him already and regretted ever getting into the car with her sisters. Burying her face in her hands she sobbed over the unfairness and indignity of it all.
No one said anything for a moment, but Sybil felt Mary put an arm around her. Sybil wasn’t much of a crier so it wasn’t often that Mary ever had to soothe her. “Darling, darling, it’s not as bad as all that,” said Mary at last. Sybil felt Mary’s hands petting her head and rubbing her back. “I’m not trying to attack you or Branson, I’m just worried about you, that’s all.”
Sybil couldn’t respond. The tears were coming now and there was no stopping them. For three years she’d weighed every con against the sole pro of her love for Tom. For three years she’d carefully measured out every option and tested them against each other in her mind. For three long, agonizing years she’d pretended she wasn’t in love with someone because she was too afraid of what might happen if she said what was in her heart. For a long time she’d known she could never trust Mary or Edith to be the kinds of confidants that one reads about sisters being in books, so for the last three years she’d carried all of this burden alone. Not sharing even a hint with anyone. She’d been forced to lie when Mary confronted her last year and claim that she wasn’t sure she even liked Tom so that her own inner feelings were kept safe. All of it now was welling up inside her and she just couldn’t bear it.
Mary pulled Sybil into her arms and held her, rocking her gently. “Darling, don’t cry. I know it sounds like I’m against you but I promise you there’s no one more on your side than I am. Hush, darling, it will all be all right.”
Sybil raised her head from her hands and sat up from Mary’s embrace. It took a moment but she managed to catch her breath long enough to say, “I’m not giving him up. I’m not sorry for loving him and if you squeal on me to Papa before I’m ready to tell him I promise you I’ll never speak to you again for as long as I live.” Saying these things made Sybil feel calmer. She had finally drawn her line in the sand with Mary and they both knew it.
“I’m not asking you to give him up,” said Mary. “And I promise neither of us will say anything before you’re ready to.” Mary looked up at Edith. “Right, Edith?”
“Right,” said Edith.
“When it comes down to it we’ll be in your corner,” Mary continued to console. “I just need to know that you’re very, very sure about your corner, because it’s not one you can come back from easily.”
“I know all of that,” Sybil said. Her voice small and strained from the crying. “There’s nothing you can say that I’ve not thought of already, I promise. And if you really mean to be on my side then that means you have to respect me for the choices I’ve made and not try and change or control me. Just like I wouldn’t for you.”
Mary sighed. “I see that I’ve forgotten that you’ve grown up. You’ve been my darling baby sister for so long, but you aren’t her anymore. You’re a woman grown, now. One who’s fallen in love and is willing to stand by her choice no matter what.”
For the first time since seeing her sisters that night, Sybil felt an inkling of reassurance that maybe her sisters wouldn’t be totally against her in this. Sybil took her handkerchief out her pocket and began to wipe the tears off her face. She felt a mess and probably looked even worse, not that anyone could see her in the dark. “Did you say anything to Papa before you came after me?”
“No,” said Mary. “We didn’t want to worry anyone needlessly. Your secret is still safe and you can reveal it in due time.”
Sybil nodded. She felt a lot calmer now. A lot more focused. When she and Tom had taken flight earlier it had been in a heady rush. Then when reality came crashing in, in the form of her sisters, she’d been plunged into a sort of despair knowing she would have to face her parents and disappoint them horribly. Now, she could see it all clearly for the first time. She knew what she had to do, and more importantly, she knew she could do it. She wasn’t afraid of the consequences any longer. She still wasn’t sure if Mary was truly on her side or not, but she got the sense that Mary valued their relationship more than the propriety of her choice in husband. Yes. She’d return to Downton and she and Tom would announce their engagement together. No more secrets. No more hiding. Everything out in the open like it ought to be.
“So, what are we going to say if someone notices us coming back?” asked Sybil.
“That we went for a drive,” said Mary. “I’ll say I wanted you and Edith to see a special moonlit lake out in the countryside so we decided to have a little excursion, just the three of us. We haven’t had hardly any time as sisters since before the war, so I wanted to do something that was just for us.” Sometimes Sybil was astonished at how quickly Mary could come up with a plausible story. They just fell off her tongue with an easiness any lawyer would envy.
“And Anna,” said Edith from the front. “Why did she come?”
“Because how could we ever get on without her,” said Mary. Anna turned to glance in the backseat and smiled.
“If you don’t mind me saying, I think we’ll be able to keep this all hush-hush if we’re just a little careful,” said Anna. “I can take Lady Sybil’s case up the back way so it doesn’t raise any questions.”
“Very good,” said Mary. Turning back to Sybil she said, “See? Would I be bothering with any of this if I weren’t on your side?”
“I do believe you, I suppose,” said Sybil, who was holding the damp handkerchief in her hands and wringing it slowly. “And I hope you do believe me that I’m dead serious about all of this.”
“We do,” said Mary. “You’ve made that very clear just in this trip. And I promise that we won’t underestimate you anymore. That doesn’t mean we won’t disagree, but I understand you now.”
“That’s all I ask,” said Sybil. She was dead tired now, and she was certain her sisters and Anna were too. The drive was a long one and it would be quite late by the time they got home. She had a headache from crying and she was trying hard to get the look of dread on Tom’s face as he saw her leave out of her head. She knew he was probably in the depths of despair right now. She hoped he wouldn’t lose faith in her. He’d believed in her for so long, he only had to do it a little longer. She was sure he was thinking he’d lost her, that she’d turned her back on him with only the slightest pressure. It just about made her want to cry again, but she didn’t. She was too tired.
“How long until we’re home, Edith?” asked Mary. Sybil could hear the drain in her voice too.
“It’ll be a while. That inn was pretty far away.” Edith pressed the accelerator and the car climbed in speed. “But the roads are pretty empty so I’ll give it some gas for a bit, that’ll get us home faster.”
Sybil looked at the window, but there was very little to see outside. Even with the bright moonlight, the landscape was pretty uniformly dark. As every mile brought her closer to home it hardened her resolve. She would marry Tom, no matter the cost. Knowing that her sisters wouldn’t fight against her when the time came made it that much easier to bear. Maybe her sisters weren’t like the ones in novels, but they were as good as she was going to get.