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It was always Todd and Neil. Neil and Todd. They were always suspiciously together, to the point the other Poets definitely knew something was up. The boys were all in Neil and Todd’s room, smoking and ‘studying’ Latin. “Okay, okay. How about this one: Canis.” Cameron looked up, “Oh, c’mon Meeks. That one's easy! Dog.” Meeks nodded, flipping the pages of his Latin book.
Neil and Todd sat on Neil's bed together, reading and writing poetry. Neil was working on a lame sonnet, trying to force himself out of his crippling writers block. “I can't think of anything. This sucks.” Neil furrowed his eyebrows, ripping out the page he was working on before balling it up and throwing it at the back of Charlie’s big head.
“Hey!” Charlie turned around and threw the paper back. “Guy's, it's getting pretty late. We should get out of here before we get demerits.” “Yeah I can’t get anymore.” The other boys packed their stuff up and dispersed, leaving Neil and Todd alone.
“So. Uh. Goodnight?” Todd spoke finally, the bed creaking as he got up. Neil just nodded, not looking up from his notebook. The boy sighed softly, “Don't look.” He changed into more comfortable clothes—one of those garments including Neil’s sweatshirt that he hadn't noticed was gone. Yet.
“Turn that light out when you're done.” Todd yawned, climbing into his bed and pulling the blanket over him. “Wait, Todd, don't go to sleep yet.” Neil looked over at him, feeling a little embarrassed by how he just sounded. “I mean, so you can tell me what to.. write.” Nice.
Todd sat up, fidgeting with his sheets. “What's it even about?” “I don't know.” “Well that doesn't help.” The brunette sighed, closing his notebook and laying on his back. “What’re you gonna do after this? Like, after Welton. I’m definitely becoming an actor, no matter what my dad says.”
Todd thought for a second and shrugged, yawning again. “I don't know.” Neil snorted, “Well, you need to do something, Anderson. You're always saying ‘I don’t know.’ and stuff like that.” Todd rolled his eyes. “Goodnight.” “I didn't mean it.” God, you sound desperate Neil.
Todd raised an eyebrow, “Okay..” Neil cleared his throat, twiddling his thumbs and trying to think of what to say next to make this not weird. “What did you get on the prompt for Mr. Keating’s?” “A 99.” “A 99? Really? Slacker.” “Uh huh, and what’d you get?” “100.” “Of course you did.” Neil snickered, tossing a ball of paper at Todd.
“You like anyone?” Todd perked, “Do I like anyone? There aren't too many women here, Neil.” “I don't know how you swing.” Neil sucked in air through his teeth, “Sorry, I just.. nevermind. Don't answer that.”
The other boy laid on his side, facing Neil across the room. “What’s your problem? You’ve been acting weird.” “Nothing! I’m perfectly fine—you're acting weird.” “I’m going for a walk.” “Can I come?” “..Okay.”
The two boys put their coats and shoes on, quietly exiting their room and heading down the hall, then downstairs out the door to the yard. “Shhhh, you're being so loud.” “Shut up.” They successfully made their way outside, walking around in the mildewy grass. “Cave?” “Sure.” They never made it to the cave.
Neil tripped on a tree root, falling and busting his knees pretty bad to the point he ripped holes in his pants. They quickly went back inside where Todd tended his wounds back in their dorm. “Can’t take you anywhere.” He murmured under his breath, not looking up. “Sorry.” “Yeah.”
Neil was feeling a little emotional from the odd intimacy of the situation. Then, he said something stupid. “Todd, I wish you were a girl.” Todd looked up in shock, and Neil looked back in horror. “I-I don't know why I said that, I’m sorry. I.. let's just.. go to bed. I’m fine.”
Todd cleared his throat, “No, what do you mean by that?” “Nothing.” Neil looked away, wincing as the bed sunk a little next to him, Todd now sitting on it. “Neil, talk to me. You’ve been acting weird for a while, I just want an answer.” He leaned in to try and look at Neil.
“I just can't help but feel like you treat me differently from the other guys; you're nicer to me, you seem like you actually care what I have to say–” “Just shut up! I like you, okay? I’m saying it. I like you Todd.” Neil panted, his face warming up and his heart pounding out of his chest.
Todd sat there, wide-eyed in confusion and a bit taken aback. “You.. like me?” “I. I don't know why I.. just.. just..” The doe-eyed boy scooted away; Todd got up to sit on his bed for the 50th time that evening. He moved closer to Neil, close enough to smell the bergamot and regret on him.
He quietly moved his hand near Neil’s—looking down as their fingers connected. They looked at each other at the same time, as if this were some stupid romance movie. “Todd,” “Don't ruin this.” The two leaned in agonizingly slowly, their eyes flicking to the others lips before they met in a haste kiss.
Neil immediately recoiled, getting up and damn near tripping again as he rushed to the bathroom with his hand over his mouth. All Todd could hear were the sorry sounds of Neil vomiting his guts out, mixed in with small sobs and whimpers. Todd furrowed his eyebrows in concern, but decided to stay in the room.
It wasn't until morning Todd saw Neil again; having fallen asleep in his bed waiting for him. The right side of Neil’s face was red as if he’d slept on the tile all night, which he had. Todd yawned quietly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and sitting up.
“Neil? Are you..–” “I’m fine.” Todd sighed, “What happened last night, I’m.. sorry.” Neil ignored the blonde, gathering his things and leaving the room. Todd tilted his head to watch Neil leave, “Neil–” He was cut off by the sound of the door shutting.
The rest of the day, Neil tried to avoid Todd as much as possible—even skipping out on dinner. Todd felt guilty, confused—what did this mean for him and Neil now? He sighed, retreating to their dorm to try to catch up on some work.
When he reached their room, he stopped outside the door, hearing small sobs coming from the other side. Todd hesitated, knocking before he slowly pushed the door open. Neil was curled up on his bed, facing away from Todd. “Are you alright?” He quickly sat up, wiping his face off and sniffling. “Yeah, yeah. I’m… I’m alright.” He inhaled deeply, looking down.
“Can we talk?” “About what.” Todd gave Neil a nervous smile, “Y’know… about… last night.” “I don’t want to talk about it, just forget it, Todd.” Todd scoffed, walking over to Neil and standing over him. “Neil, I can’t just forget that! We kissed!” Neil furrowed his eyebrows, “Don’t say that so loud!”
Todd rubbed his temples with his index fingers, wanting to rip his hair out. “Neil, what is this? What are we?” “Friends, Todd. We’re just friends, okay? That kiss meant…” He looked up at Todd, staring into his ghostly blue eyes. He felt his heart start to race and his mouth became dry. “Neil… look at you. I know it meant something to you, and it meant something to me too. Why else would you have done it?”
Neil looked away, putting his head in his hands and dragging them down his reddened face. “What do you want to hear, Todd? That I’m in love with you? That I can’t even look at you because you make me feel things?” Todd swallowed hard, processing Neil’s confession. “Do you… do you really like me? Like that?” Neil closed his eyes, feeling a lump forming in his throat. “I like you, Todd. I really like you.”
Todd looked around, as if he was making sure no one was listening. “I like you too, Neil. A lot.” Neil started tearing up again, not even trying to hold it back as he just started sobbing. Todd went to comfort him, wrapping himself around him in a tight hug. “Shhh, shhh, it’s okay.. it’s okay.” Neil grabbed onto Todd, digging his face into his chest as he cried.
Todd held Neil’s face in his hands, peppering kisses across his cheeks and forehead, before landing them on his lips. Neil kissed back almost immediately, doing it so aggressively that it knocked Todd back onto the bed. Neil, now on top of Todd, pulled away in embarrassment and laid himself next to the boy. “Sorry.” Todd was silent, his face feeling hot. “Don’t be.” They just laid there, together—embraced in each other. Neil spooned Todd, his arms around his abdomen and his face in the back of his neck as they both slowly drifted off to sleep.