Work Text:
“Hello,” Roy gruffed. He was sitting behind a white table with a blue backdrop behind him. “My name is Roy Kent, and these are the ten essential items I can’t live without”
He had his usual neutral, disinterested expression. He was questioning why he let Jamie and Keeley talk him into this ridiculous interview.
“Swimming googles,” He held the black googles in his hands to show the camera. “You never know when you are near a large body of water. I like the water, and Jamie says I could probably live in our pool”
He turns the googles to examine them. “These ones are shitty. I lost my good ones in the sea. Ariel probably has them,” He mumbled the last part.
“What kind of swimsuit do you wear?” Someone behind the camera asks.
“None of your fucking busniess” There’s a giggle off-screen, that makes Roy’s eyes go soft.
“Moleskine notebook,” He lifts his notebook to the camera.
“Beard gifted my first notebook when I got the coach gig.” He stared, flipping through the pages.
“I don’t use it the way he probably thought. There’s some psychopathic stuff in here. If I ever die and this is found, they will start looking for the bodies,” He showed the camera the pages he had open. It’s words filling the entire space, with no gaps.
“Sometimes it’s drawings from my family” He showed another page of a monster drawing taking up the entire space.
“Next is my laptop” His MacBook is placed in front of him, and a Frozen sticker is on the corner.
“I never leave without it. I get serious when I’m working on this. My desktop is chaotic. I got forty-five tabs open right now. I go over work stuff on here. Emails of course. Sometimes I watch matches on here since the little one gets the tv for her allotted time”
“I allowed her to put this sticker. I only allowed her one, and this is what she picked. It will forever be there now, until she needs to replace it”
“Black shirt. I have twenty of them, and this is one of them. Jamie had tried to get me another type of shirt once.”
He shook his head and said, “Did not go over well”
“I just didn’t like the fabric and how it fitted. I stick with this brand and style. I leave the colour and eccentricities to my husband”
“This is a water bottle. You would think I would have a A.F.C Richmond water bottle. I used to until I was gifted this Muppet Studio one. I carry it around with me, in hopes someone would ask why I’m carrying a Muppet Studio water bottle, just so I can say I met the Muppets”
“I love the Muppets. I love Dr Teeth. I met them. People say don’t meet your heroes, but they’ve never met the Muppets. My daughter was also very happy that day. A picture of her with the Muppets is hanging in her room”
“Next one is Jamie Kent”
Jamie rolls in on a desk chair with a cheeky grin.
“This muppet always follows me around”
“More like you follow me around, old man”
“We rarely are apart, and if we are, the other is close behind”
“We’re both really clingy, so that's why it works. Can’t imagine not seeing this sexy face every day,” Jamie reached over and squeezed Roy’s cheeks. The entire filming crew was surprised that the legendary football player didn’t growl at him.
“That’s enough. Off you go, Jay”
Jamie grinned and kissed his cheek before Roy pushed his chair so he would be out of frame.
“This is legit.” He held up the newest FIFA game. “The only time I play is when Jamie and the rest of the team invite me to the boys' night. It’s a nice bonding experience for us and also fun to all yell at each other when someone else scores”
“Next is this book” He holds up his copy of A Wrinkle In Time. “This was gifted to me by Ted when I joined the team. I then gave it to McAdoo when I passed on the captain title.”
“I read quite a lot when I can. Depending on the book, I’ll even read it to my daughter or my niece. Sometimes Jay, but he gets sidetracked when I read”
“Protein bar. It’s quick. Doesn’t have to be this one, but sugar-free is always good. I have a yoga group with a bunch of moms. We do a circuit together, and I try to look as non-threatening as possible.” He stares into the lens with his usual gruffy expression.
“I usually have one or two in my pocket. Right now, Jamie likes snacking, and this brand is the one he likes the most”
“A jacket,” He is now wearing his leather jacket with his zip-up hoodie on the table.
“I find comfort in a jacket. When not on the pitch, I wear my leather jacket. This is actually a new one. I lost my old one. I have no idea where it is.” He glares off camera.
“I’m pretty sure my husband lost it, so he can gift me a new one on our anniversary”
“Even if I did, you love the new one,” Jamie said off-screen.
Roy growled softly before moving on. “I wear zip-ups when on the pitch. It’s comfortable and gets the job done. I have a good amount. All black, of course”
“Another essential is my phone. Not because I need it, but because of my screensaver, which is Jamie. It’s actually a picture of the first time we met. A fan posted it after Jamie shared how we met. Ever since, it’s been my screensaver. It gives me a dose of joy every time. My phone locks fast, so it’s a nice, quick dose.”
“There have been a few times I thought of changing it. I thought of making it Jamie with our daughter, but I don’t like the thought of a stranger seeing a private family moment on my phone. I also thought of putting a picture of our wedding, but too cheesy”
“My final item is my wallet” He held up the leather wallet that he kept in his jacket pocket. “It has everything I need. Driver's license, money. The first Polaroid I took of Jay.” He held up the picture to the camera. “Also have a picture of our daughter, which I won’t show, and a sonogram. And-”
He opened the flap where his cash is. “Oh! A coupon for my kabab place”
Roy looks at Jamie, holding the coupon up. “We need to use this”
“That must be 100 years old cause they give us free food cause you’re Roy fucking Kent”
Roy looked at the camera before saying, “I’ll give it to one of the lads”
“Thanks for watching. That was my ten or more essential items. I’m not saying that last part”
*Video Ends*
@ch3lseafan: Never would’ve thought Roy Kent was a fan of the Muppets
*Reply* @raybean: Makes so much sense why he calls Jamie a muppet
@cutiejamiefan77: Wait a damn minute! Did Roy just casually announce they’re having another child?!?!
@izzylove: Crazy how this is the first time we’ve learned anything about Roy that isn’t about football
*Reply* @ch3lseafan: It’s odd yet sweet learning this side of him. He’s just a man who loves his family.
@Swweettartt88: Surprised Roy didn’t have Jamie listed as all his essential items.
*Rely* @izzylove: He kinda did since he talked about Jamie or their daughter in every item he picked
@funpunmenn: Roy: “I thought of putting a picture of our wedding, but too cheesy”
Roy: *Proceeds to show the picture of the first time Jamie and he met*