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Chatter and the clinking of glasses fill the cozy atmosphere of the izakaya. It’s more crowded than you expected even for a Saturday, with many tables of students celebrating the end of midterms. Maybe everyone is under the inviting influence of summer, be it the rising temperatures, or anticipation for the many summer festivities in coming months. Good thing your friends thought ahead to reserve a table for today’s special occasion.
You’ve never imagined life in university to be quite like this. Sure, you figured that you would make some friends, hang out, maybe have a drink or two, or more, but not with Suga here as well. You had known the two of you happened to apply to the same university, but you hadn’t thought you would be brought together again in a group of mutual friends. Life works in mysterious ways, doesn't it?
As for the special occasion? The special occasion himself is sitting opposite you right now; the birthday boy, with an elbow resting on the wooden table and his chin on his palm. His index finger traces the edge of the glass of yuzu chuhai in his hand as he gets engrossed in the lively conversation around the table—exams, difficult project group mates, summer plans. For some reason, you can’t help your eyes from gravitating towards him even as you are focused on what your friends are laughing about.
No, actually. You do know the reason.
And it’s all his fault, Suga’s fault.
You give your own glass a swirl. The cool condensation makes itself known on your fingertips and the ice cubes chime against the walls in a sea of sunrise yellow effervescence. It holds your hand, keeps you in the present where you suddenly find a deep appreciation for the situation you stumbled your way into, as with the many other experiences you had stumbled into in university.
Maybe the alcohol has found its way to your head. It brings these thoughts to the forefront of your mind and seems to soften the moody glow of the overhead lights. It also guides your gaze over your friends’ faces. Smiling, animated, so full of joy. You make a mental reminder to always remember this moment.
Inevitably, your eyes drift back to the one sitting opposite you, only to catch Suga already staring at you. His eyes dart away from you for a second, but he is betrayed by the growing smile on his lips.
Your heart takes a leap and warmth spreads over your chest.
With a big smile and pinkish cheeks, Suga’s gaze gallantly finds its way back onto yours. “Cheers,” he says, tapping his glass to yours.
Your lips pull into a grin and you take a sip with him as he tears his gaze from you again onto the plates of edamame and grilled squid on the table. They must have seemed just so interesting to him all of a sudden.
All this starts a commotion around the table, like, “You aren’t gonna ‘cheers’ the rest of us!?”
Suga makes a show out of a playfully dramatic apology, smile not once leaving his face, and goes around the table to tap his glass with everyone individually. Maybe the alcohol is getting to him, pulling him onto their unbridled shores. But you know that he has never been one to turn down festivities, especially ones thrown in his honour. Just as most university students would never pass up on an opportunity to get a bit tipsy silly with their friends.
You smile behind your glass. The sweet and citrusy combo of your drink easily flushes past your taste buds. It’s almost entertaining, how this giddy feeling tickles your ribs whenever you find your eyes following him; his tousled light grey hair, the round of his cheeks that look soft to poke, the subtle muscles of his forearms under his rolled up sleeves. All of it squeezes at your heart.
You feel like you would tear it out to shush it if you could. Well, not really. You wouldn’t. You have fed this growing affection for far too long, and it has made you your own willing victim.
Maybe the alcohol is getting to you.
Suga has always been an admirable person since back in high school. How he always picked himself back up no matter the situation, and the way he treated everyone with kindness and an open heart. As you got to know him more, you found his playful side charming. Even though he could be childish at times, something about it felt like an invitation to be fully yourself when you’re by his side. You’d have lunch together, sometimes study together. Over time, you had gone from classmates, to somehow being assimilated into his volleyball club friend group. A rowdy bunch they are.
Finding out that the two of you got into the same university planted a sort of hope in you. You had grown more attached to him than you thought, and you were grateful that you didn’t have to say farewell to this constant in your life for the past three years of high school.
Maybe the universe saw some hidden possibility and decided to give you more time.
You have been spending a lot more time together since the start of university. Moving to another city, new routines, new friends; it definitely helped quell feelings of uncertainty with a familiar face around. Outside of meeting new friends and classes, you’d explore the city with him. Sometimes visiting famous sightseeing spots and trending cafes, collecting novel experiences like Pokémon cards. Though recently with midterms and deadlines looming over you, the time you’d spend together has been filled with more supermarket trips, making dinner, and studying till late in either of your rented apartments. These body doubling study sessions would almost certainly end with a late night trip to the convenience store (well deserved) after you’d lay on the wooden floor and complain about your brain being too fried to keep going. And Suga, ever the enabler, would never refuse to go along with you under the quiet street lamps and overhead cables.
Growing closer to him has proven to be your downfall. He has been occupying the free space in your head way too often. Borderline embarrassing honestly, how the mere thought of his existence lifts up your mood.
You huff and glare at him halfheartedly, just to enact your private revenge on him. You hadn't noticed when he had quieted down back in his seat with his forearms on the table, head tilted slightly and eyes closed. His shoulders rise and fall in deliberate, steady rhythm.
He excuses himself moments later from the group to get some fresh air outside at the balcony, disappearing into the night for a minute, maybe five, maybe ten, probably less. At some point your glass empties, the ice now melting in its lonesome company. You volunteer to go check on Suga, though of course, not without some teasing encouragement coming your way. You scoff and wave them off.
The noise of the lively crowd inside becomes muffled as you close the thin metal door behind you with a clunk, replaced by a low buzz from the exit sign at the top of the doorway. You take a deep breath and let the nightly breeze fill your lungs. Suga does not even bother turning around, dazed in his cloud of tipsiness. He stands leaning against the railing, the tips of his hair tinted with a golden glow of the city lights. A half-finished glass of water rests beside him on the ledge.
Gravity seems to loosen its hold on you as you jog briefly towards the metal railings until you join him by his side. You mirror his stance, relaxing onto the cool metal. “Are you okay~?”
He drags out a satisfied hum through an innocent smile. "'m okay." His words slur together in a velvety syrup; it's a cute difference compared to his usual upbeat energy. He takes a sip from the glass of water and hands it over to you.
You accept his offer, fingers brushing his purposefully for some kind of playful contact. You stare at the glass of water in your hand before finishing what's left of it. Since when have you been sharing drinks like this? You don't really remember at this point.
Distant high-rise office buildings dot the skyline in white and red, and the sound of car tires on concrete breaks the silence when the nearby traffic light turns green.
“I’m happy!” Suga announces then. “With how things have turned out, like, the people I've met and how this semester is going. And...” He pauses, "having you here with me, it makes these big changes less scary." His voice trails off uncharacteristically as if he is flustered by his own honesty.
His sincerity strikes you with a warm feeling that rises in your chest. "Me too, I'm glad you're here," you cradle your reply to his softness. Such simple words, and yet they come across like a whispered confession. You rub your palms over your arms just to let them occupy your senses.
“Are you cold?” he asks, like you could have predicted from miles away.
“No." But you step closer to him anyway, shoulders brushing.
“Okay, if you get cold later just tell me. You can borrow my shirt, if you want to." He leans his head on your shoulder. Definitely the alcohol.
While casual touches aren't unfamiliar between the two of you, your breath catches in your throat. He's warm. You manually calm your breathing down and relax your shoulder. His hair tickles your cheek, so close that you could wrap an arm around him right now and bring him even closer.
Before that thought could run any further, Suga rises from your shoulder. You turn to him, naturally.
Your eyes meet. Everything else blurs, fades away with you entranced in his hazel brown gaze, flecks of the city lights reflect on a boundless pool that is keeping you afloat amidst the feelings that might spill from your mouth any second. The birthmark on the corner of his left eye stands out on his pale skin like an accent on a painting. His grey, slightly thick eyebrows look soft to touch and for the first time, you notice how long his eyelashes actually are. So pretty. Those pretty eyes flicker down to your lips; your breath grows shallow.
Unspoken words hang and get lost in the meagre space between the two of you. Your gaze wanders down to the round of his nose then to the bow of his lips in an attempt to distract yourself from your violent heartbeat. His lips look a bit dry, maybe you can let him try your lip balm...
His eyes land on yours again. A million thoughts run empty in his head on top of the thumping of his own heartbeat. He purses his lips for a second, exhales, and settles with burying his face into your sleeve. He shouldn't kiss you while he's drunk. He hopes you don't hear how fast his heart is beating, or how it feels like it's going to burst like summer fireworks just from being so close to you. What is he supposed to do with this brimming joy synonymous to your presence in his life?
You think you might have caught a glimpse of the redness at the tips of his ears. Adorable. You've never seen Suga act so shy before; it makes you feel braver. Affection overcomes you, and you nuzzle your cheek against his hair that smells faintly of earthy tones, laughing as the giddiness bubbling up your veins returns tenfold. Stray stars smile down at you, amused by the camaraderie beneath them in the sea of mellow lights of a sleepy city near midnight.
“Don't laugh at me,” he says through half a whine and cheeks tinted pink.
You laugh again, because part of this feels like you are in a lucid dream. Your gaze lands on his pleading eyes, his blushing cheeks. You have to force yourself to look away because you might really kiss him if you don’t. "I don't mean to," you say despite the corners of your lips lifting uncontrollably.
"Yeah, sure you don't," Suga sighs into your shoulder, “I’m way more tipsy than I thought I’d be.” His words escape him like an excuse. A contingency, like he always does, just in case. A partial truth laced in silky threads of uncertainty.
“It's okay, today's your birthday~” You lean forward on the railing. He does the same, facing you. You reach out to brush his bangs from his eyes and your fingertips brush against his cheek. You let them linger. “I think you can afford to go a little crazy.”
He finally smiles again and gives you a squinty face. “Then... maybe, you should have another drink with me.”
Another drink doesn't sound so bad. You'll probably need it to endure the inevitable questions that will be thrown at you and Suga once you head back inside. “Only if you promise to buy me fried chicken at the convenience store later.”
“Alright. And you’ll let me have a bite, right?”
“You say that like you wouldn't just do it anyway.” You cross your arms.
"Hey, you know I always ask first!" Suga, not at all guilty, chuckles. He unfurls your arms and tug you towards the exit door. "Let's head back before we're past last order."
You push him by his shoulders to walk faster in return. Yes, Sugawara Koushi will be your downfall, and you're all for it.