Chapter Text
Yang Jungwon was a beta.
And the leader of Enhypen.
He was a beta.
And he was expected to lead alphas and omegas.
He remembered the first time the new broke, that he was going to be a leader, and his members disappointment was so strong Jungwon didn’t even need to smell it. Except for Ni-ki, since he still hadn’t presented, but Jungwon was sure he was disappointed too.
Everyone expected it to be Heeseung. The oldest, reliable alpha who aced everything he was doing and whom the show basically turned around.
Jungwon expected it too.
But instead it was him. His name that got called.
Him. A beta. Yang Jungwon.
His relationship with his member was chaotic for started, and now it became even worse. They were not outright blaming and bullying him, but he was always the last choice, he wouldn’t be notified for the movie nights and they were keeping a sort of professional distance between them.
Even Jay.
Jay. His hyung. His friend.
Only Ni-ki seemed to act more or less normal around him. And it was probably only because he hadn’t presented yet.
So Jungwon was alone. Alone in a group of seven. Alone surrounded by people. Alone in his position as a leader.
Jungwon entered the kitchen while yawning, and, once again, all conversations stopped as soon as they saw him. He tried to ignore it. It was getting easier to do that now.
“We have to be ready in ten minutes.” He reminded them, walking to the cupboards, searching for a cereal bar that would have escaped Jake.
They responded with a collective groan of assessment, showing Jungwon that they were at least still listening to him.
For now.
He left the kitchen before he could do something stupid. Like try to strike up a conversation with them. Or cry.
“Hyung! Can we go to the ramen restaurant before going home!?” Ni-ki asked excitedly at the end of dance practice.
Jungwon felt his face soften and he smiled at his only dongsaeng.
Ni-ki, being unpresented was the only one who was really trying to be friend with Jungwon. He was always seeking out to everyone, and made not distinction between Jungwon and his other hyungs. Even if it was just pity, it still made Jungwon feel better.
It honestly made Jungwon sad that once Ni-ki presented, he won’t have that anymore. Maybe not a friend, but an anchor. An ally in this group full of alphas and omegas who didn’t had the time for a beta like Jungwon.
Sadly, the older being very busy with meetings and other preparations as the leader, he had always turned him down before. He had decided to skip the meeting of today to be able to do whatever plan Ni-ki came up with today.
He owed him that much.
He opened his mouth to respond, but a voice cut him.
“Oh, the one that just opened at the end of the street? Can I come with you Riki-yah~?” Sunoo asked, circling Ni-ki’s body wit his arms.
Jungwon suddenly felt the lack of sleep falling on him like a rock, and he had to sit down for a moment, feeling briefly nauseous. God, he should really start having a decent sleep schedule. Or try to attend to less meetings.
He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and looked up to tell Ni-ki he was agreeing to go with him, but him and Sunoo were talking excitedly next to Sunoo’s bag, and suddenly Jungwon didn’t had any energy to try anymore.
He sighed, got up, and sent a message to his manager.
Me
My schedules were canceled
Will be here for the meeting!
He pocketed his phone before the manager could respond, and walked to his own bag, listing in his head the things he still had to do at the company before heading home.
The list was long.
He sighed again, took his bag and walked to the exit, not giving a single glance to the other members who were still packing.
He was tired.
Jungwon dragged himself in the stairs of their dorms, and pushed the code to enter, opening the door as soon as the click that pointed out the door was unlocked resonated in the empty parking lot. God, his entire body was aching, and he seriously needed a shower.
He walked the most discreetly possible in the hallway, and was about to climb the stairs, when the sound of an object hitting the ground made him freeze.
He turned around, and frowned. Someone was in the kitchen.
He silently walked to the room, not wanting to have to strike an awkward unwanted conversation.
Jungwon stopped in his track when he saw who was here.
Heeseung had Jake pressed against the counter, kissing his way down his throat and his hands disappearing under the omega’s shirt.
Oh.
Jungwon turned around and went to his room, his cheeks hot and feeling guilty to have witnessed such an intimate moment.
He didn’t even took a shower, too bone tired to care. Since they were rooming by subgender and Ni-ki always sleeping in someone else’s bed, he was alone in his room anyway.
Jungwon watched his body in the mirror of the practice room. There was something wrong with it but he couldn’t quite pinpoint what. His hair maybe? He should dye them. He’ll ask the prod at the next meeting.
“From the top!” The choreographer called. “Let’s go!”
They all stepped in position willingly, and the music started again. Jungwon was so tired.
At the end of practice, Jungwon let himself a few seconds to close his eyes and recover energy. They had recording sessions today, what would it look like if the leader was caught slacking off?
“Heeseung! Jungwon!” One of the manager suddenly called. “Can we talk a minute!?”
Jungwon immediately got up, and walked to the manager, his water bottle still in his hand, he took the opportunity to take the first sip of it.
“Yes?” He asked politely once Heeseung was standing just next to him.
He was so close, Jungwon could practically feel his body heat. If he had been something else than a beta, Jungwon would probably have been able to smell him.
He wondered for the millionth time of his members smelled like. He wished he could smell it and not have to imagine it from description by fans on the internet.
“Are you guys okay?” The manager asked, tearing Jungwon out of his daydreaming.
“What does that mean?” Heeseung asked before Jungwon could say anything.
“Well, the group looks a little cold towards each other, it’s impacting your performance, so I wondered if you guys were fighting of anything?”
Jungwon felt his blood turn to ice. The situation was so bad outsiders could see it. Could the fans see it too? Were they going to be called fake? Did he had to try more?
“Don’t worry hyung.” He said nonetheless with a reassuring smile. “Everything is fine.”
The manager sent him a skeptic look, but didn’t question it.
“Okay, if you need anything, tell me.”
“Sure.” Heeseung agreed, and Jungwon wasn’t even able to catch a glimpse of his face before he was already going back to where Ni-ki and Jake were sitting.
Jungwon gritted his teeth but said nothing. If they were going to behave like fucking children then so be it.
He couldn’t believe he thought they were different from the other alphas at first.
“Jungwon, aren’t you working too much?” Yaenho, the manager of the production team asked. “We don’t really need as much as normally today, you should head home and rest.”
Jungwon opened his mouth to protest, there was still so much to do! But his manager cut him.
“She’s right, Jungwon-ah. Go home and sleep a bit. Or spend time with your members. I’m sure they miss you.”
Jungwon had great difficulties stifling a laugh at that, but nodded nonetheless. He was not about to countermand a direct order from his manager, so he took his bag and stretched himself. With a little bit of luck, he would be able to take a shower today.
He silently entered the dorms. It was becoming a habit to try to make the less sounds possible in hope in members didn’t notice him.
He walked in the hallway, hearing all of them bickering about what movie to watch in the living room. He wished he could be here too. He wished he could fight with them to watch his favorite movie of the week and then fold against Sunoo’s puppy eyes. He wish he could laugh freely with them, tease them about their weird taste in movies, or throw popcorns at Sunghoon and get lightly scolded at by Jay for getting popcorn everywhere on the couch.
He wish he was a part of that too.
But he wasn’t. Couldn’t. Because he was the leader. Because he was a beta.
Suddenly Ni-ki’s voice pierced through Sunoo and Sunghoon’s fight.
“When do you think Jungwon-hyung is getting home? It’s getting late.”
He froze at the start of the stairs, like yesterday when he surprised Jake and Heeseung making out. He didn’t know if he wanted to hear what would come next or not.
A strained laugh. Jake probably.
“Why, are we not enough for you Riki?” Jay teased.
“No, it’s not that…” Jungwon could practically picture the pout Ni-ki must have on his face. Now that he thought about it, he never called him ‘Riki’ like the other members. He figured Ni-ki would tell him if he had the permission to.
“And anyway!” Sunoo interrupted with a cheerful voice. “Aren’t we better without him!?”
It felt like a punch in the guts. Oh.
Jungwon stood still for a moment, his ears ringing and his thoughts all jumbled and confused.
He knew it. He knew it already. Why was he surprised? Why did it hurt so bad?
Maybe inwardly he had wanted them to like him. Maybe secretly he wished for all of that to only be a misunderstanding, and that in fact everything was okay. Jungwon wasn’t the leader. Jungwon wasn’t alone. Jungwon wasn’t a beta.
He woke up every morning praying for that.
He turned around and walked as silently as before back to the door. He only let himself cry when he was in his car.
“Jungwon?” It was Yaenho. Again. “Why are you here, I thought you were resting today?”
Jungwon gave him a smile that felt more like a grimace than really anything else.
“I had some things to deal with at the agency so I came back. Don’t worry it won’t take long.”
She didn’t looked very convinced, but she didn’t questioned it either. They must hink that because he was a leader, he knew what he was doing.
“Okay.” She said simply. “Be quick then.”
Jungwon, in fact, had not been quick. It was near 1 am right now and he just finished to sign all the paper he needed to sign.
He passed a hand on his face, and let out a tired sigh. He heard his stomach growl. When was the last time he ate again?
He got up, determined to eat something on his way back to the dorms, but he had to still for a moment for the dark spots on his vision go away.
Except it didn’t go away, and that instead Jungwon found himself losing balance.
Fuck. Was the last thing he thought before passing out.
He opened his eyes on a light too arch, and a body to tired.
“What…?” He groaned, trying to sit up.
“Don’t.” Someone said, hands restraining him from doing so. “Take a moment for your body to feel better.”
Jungwon actually listened to the advice, and closed his eyes again, choosing to rely on his other senses. There was a solid floor beneath him so he must still be at the company, his head was pounding like crazy on a spot just behind his right eye, and his throat was so dry it felt like Jungwon hadn’t drank in three days straight.
After a long moment, he opened his eyes on an intern whom he forgot the name of.
“Ah…” He said awkwardly. “Thank you. And sorry for the trouble.”
The intern frowned.
“You should head home and takes a few days off if you can. I don’t what the fuck you’re forcing your body to do and why but it’s not healthy.”
Jungwon smiled at him sheepishly.
“Will do.” He lied. “Sorry, I’m just stressed a lot this days. If you could keep that between us…?”
The intern immediately nodded.
“Don’t worry.” He said, helping Jungwon to stand up on his feet. “It stays between me and you.”
Jungwon smiled to him one last time, before fishing out his phone and checking the hour 1:34. Fuck, he had to be up in less that four hours. And there was still the time it took to go back to the dorms.
“Well, I’ll go now.” He said to the intern. “Again, thank you for your help!”
He left before the boy could respond anything else.
And when he arrived at the house, he didn’t even throw a single glance to the living room.