Chapter Text
There is an Eridian with a hypodermic needle standing over me.
I try to tell myself I am safe. This isn’t like last time, my inner monologue says, but I think it might be lying.
All this because of some scurvy.
My bad teeth need to be pulled and replaced with implants – a painful (and somewhat traumatizing) procedure even with a highly trained human dentist. The Eridians hadn’t yet developed a local anesthetic that works on me, so the scientists would be administering a strong, general sedative instead.
My doctor brings the needle closer. “Savior Grace ready, question?”
I tense, and my breathing starts to quicken, but before I can start hyperventilating, Rocky is there, grabbing my hand. One of his other arms gently pats me on the forehead and removes my glasses for the operation.
Rocky knows I am afraid of needles (but not why), so he had promised to be there the whole time to watch over me when I was out. Not long after we touched down on Erid, he and Ardrian had welcomed me into their cluster, their family, and we three always watch each other sleep now.
I hold Rocky’s hand tighter. I close my eyes and pretend this is just a post-lesson catnap to recover from the rambunctious energy of my students.
I am falling asleep on my sofa, not a temporary medical bed in my kitchen, and the flickering behind my eyelids is the cozy warmth of my artificial fireplace, not Armando’s surgical spotlight.
“Ready,” I whisper.
“Good good good,” says the doctor. “I attend you as you enter space.”
My body goes rigid with panic and my eyes snap open. I don’t think I can breathe right now.
Space? No, no, no….
The tip of the needle pinches my skin, and I bolt upright. I rip it from my neck and run – out kitchen, out of the house, onto the open beach.
Not open. There is a tall, barbed wire fence. They will catch me.
No, no, that was Earth, not Erid – but there is no escape here, either. I can’t leave the walls of my biodome without being crushed and burned alive. This is only a bigger fence.
Five-footed steps crackle through the sand behind me.
Why would they do this? Did they just get tired of investing the resources it took to keep me alive? Maybe they had their fill of human science and decided they didn’t need me anymore.
“Grace! What is wrong?” That was Rocky’s voice.
The footsteps are closer, just feet away now. Where can I go where they can’t reach me? I don’t think there is such a place, but maybe I can delay them.
I sprint to my little ocean. There is a tall arch of stone with one side completely in the water. On top, it looks organic, but beneath the water is a slippery, unclimbable xenonite support beam. Eridians can go underwater in their suits, but they can’t float on top of the water like a human to reach me. If they were in their own atmosphere, they would be able to start on the other side of the arch and climb along the underside like a spider, but their EVA suits didn’t have the same capability. As it was in my biodome, they would have to bring in some kind of boat and wrangle me onto it. I will make this process as long and drawn out as humanly possible.
Rocky and the medical team are still in pursuit, but humans are built for running, and even a half-recovered starvation victim like me can outpace them. I am sure they are trying to speak to me, but I can’t hear anything over the pounding of my heart. I am glad for this. I couldn’t stand to hear my (former?) friends trying to persuade me to go back to Earth.
How could they throw me away like this, without even a warning?
When I reach the shore, I turn my momentum into a dive and start swimming immediately. I have to suppress the urge to gasp as the cold water engulfs me. The dome’s water team got the temperature right more days than not, but this was apparently not one of those days.
Even on the good days, though, the scientists still try to dissuade me from swimming. They say that I am still too frail, that it is hazardous for me to be out of the medical team’s reach. Swimming is my favorite form of exercise, though, so I kept up my sessions almost every morning before class. Maybe the just didn't want me out of their control.
I haven’t yet swam out this far, but my morning workouts have paid off, and I reach it in just a couple minutes.
My hands slap wetly on the stone as I grab onto it, gasping and shaking from exertion. Once my breathing evens a little, I examine the pillar. There is a small ledge about two feet out of the water, and I heave myself onto it after several attempts. The space is just big enough for me, and I pull my knees up to my chest and put my head down.
I am still gasping and shaking, but I realize distantly this is probably from panic and adrenaline now, not exercise. I need to calm down. I need to think of something to persuade them.
“I attend you as you enter space.”
Why now, after three happy happy happy years on the planet? Why, after they build me an extravagant home and give me pebbles to teach? Why, after I finally have a family again?
“Grace!” says a voice. I lift my head, and there is Rocky on the other side of the arch. I instantly recognize him, even without my glasses – a side effect of spending years in a tiny ship with only one person.
“Rocky, don’t let them do this to me,” I whisper. I know he can still hear me across the 20 foot gap, even over the churning of the water
“I know you are afraid, Grace, but you need this procedure. Please come back!”
I need this?
A coiling, strangling feeling takes hold of me, and I almost can’t get my next words out. I am terrified to know the answer. "Did… did you know about this? You and Adrian?”
“Of course! The scientists promised us it is perfectly safe. Adrian even worked on the sedative themself.”
“How could you do this to me, Rocky? You said I was your family!” My chest was heaving again, just as hard as it had been a few minutes ago.
“Grace, please calm down! It is necessary.”
“What do you mean, ‘necessary’?!” I shoot to my feet, and my shaking legs almost land me back in the water. “You told me it was my choice! You said I could take as long as I need to decide. Well? I have decided – I am never going back to Earth. I am never getting back on the Hail Mary! Throw the ship away for all I care!”
“Grace, why are you ♫♫ ship? If the ♫♪ you so ♬, we don’t have to ♩ today. Let’s ♩♫ before ♬ too cold. We can talk ♪♪ ♬♩ there.”
“We will not talk about it! I will stay here and die of hypothermia before I ever go back to space!”
“♫♪♪ ♩♬!”
“Why, Rocky? Why why why?” My eyes burn. And my throat tightens
“♩♬♫ ♬♩♬♫♪!” Rocky straightens his legs and draws himself up to his full height. I can’t think clearly enough to translate his words anymore. But I know this body language. He really means what he is saying. He truly wants me off his planet.
“Am I some kind of pet to you? Maybe my fancy cage is getting too expensive, or the novelty just wore off, and now you’ve decided it’s time to rehome me.” Rocky trills something I don’t understand. I don’t want to understand. “...I hate you, Rocky.”
Rocky flinches and takes several steps back . Good. I want this situation to hurt him at least a fraction of how it is hurting me.
But then, Rocky turns around and leaves. “Rocky?” I say. “Rocky, wait!” He doesn’t come back – he doesn’t even pause. Great, now I am getting shot into space, and my best friend hates me.
I slump back down, hug my knees to my chest, and begin to sob. The cool, artificial breeze of the biodome is becoming frigid against my soaking clothes, and I am shivering now. I think I would probably be throwing up too if I hadn’t had to fast for my operation.
“Grace,” says a voice, this time in English. Someone had brought out the old translator from the ship.
“No…,” I covered my eyes with the heels of my hands as if I could pretend to be somewhere else, as if I could wipe these horrible visions away like the remnants of a bad dream.
“Grace, is Adrian. Look, request.”
I scrub the tears from my eyes and risk a glance across the water. Sure enough, there is a jade green blur and a smaller brown one. My family. I looked down again. It hurt too much to see them.
“Adrian, don’t let them do this,” I begged. “You said joining your cluster was forever. Did I do something wrong?”
“Grace do nothing wrong. Adrian Rocky love Grace! Why Grace think Grace return to Earth?”
“That’s what the doctor said when they were putting me under.”
Rocky says something, then, too fast or complicated for the translator to pick up. Adrian responds similarly.
After a moment, Adrian speaks again. “Doctor words are mistranslation! Erid NEVER make Grace go to Earth if Grace not want.”
I pick my head up to look at them again. Adrian and Rocky both have that upright, earnest posture that makes me want to believe them. Gosh, do I want to believe them. “Really? Do you… do you promise? You won’t let them send me away?”
“Yes! Adrian Rocky promise. Grace come home and get warm. Explain more after.”
I nod and wipe my eyes. I shakily lower myself into the water and swim to Rocky and Adrian’s side. Now that my adrenaline high has worn off, my previous exertion is catching up to me, and it takes several minutes just to cross the short span of water. As soon as I reach the other side, though, I don’t have to worry about that. Rocky and Adrian are there gently pulling me up. Once I am firmly on dry land, Adrian picks me up bridal style and carries me toward my little house on the cliff. I don’t protest at being manhandled. I don’t have enough energy to be embarrassed, not when Adrian’s EVA suit is so soothingly warm. I lean onto their carapace to soak up more heat.
Rocky and Adrian are having a conversation that I can’t understand. They must have turned off the translator. I let my eyes slip closed.