Work Text:
The stars shone bright in the digital sky. They were marvelous, a near perfect replication of the beauty of real ones. And yet, all Pomni could think about was the woman next to her.
As far as she was concerned, Ragatha shone brighter than any star. God, she felt stupid thinking that. But it was the truth. It was what she believed, and why wouldn't she?
-------
Lately, Pomni had found a safe space by Ragatha's side. Whenever she felt too tired to get out of bed, or too exhausted to talk to everybody else, she'd simply tug at the ragdoll's dress and, with a nod of approval, allow her head to rest on the woman's shoulder.
At first, Pomni thought this was completely normal. Physical affection between good friends is something everyone has experienced, right? I mean, Zooble and Gangle are practically attached at the hip these days, and they're not an item!
Annnnnnnd then Zooble and Gangle revealed they were dating.
And Pomni thought to herself, wait, all the affection between me and Ragatha is platonic, right? Well, maybe holding hands and sitting with my head on her shoulder for over twenty minutes was a bit more than what close friends do, but then again, me and Ragatha are probably a bit more than close friends! Our relationship goes way deeper than all that! We're like...
...Oh god, have I been leading her on?
It was then that Pomni hopped out of the couch she had been sitting on and dashed out of the lounge area and into the dormitory, without saying a word to anyone. She had to make this right. Whether or not Ragatha felt that way about her, she couldn't let her go on thinking something that wasn't true. She knocked on the door of Ragatha's room.
"Coming!" a voice inside exclaimed.
"Hey, Pomni, what's up?" Ragatha chirped soon after opening the door.
Pomni opened her mouth to speak, but then...she didn't. Whatever she was gonna say, she felt a sudden urge to not say it. To not proceed with this whole conversation. Why?
"Uhh...you alright there, Pomni?" Well, she supposed she would have to say something.
"Um...can we hang out tonight?" Pomni finally asked.
"Oh, well, of course!" Ragatha said, "Didja have anything in mind for us to do?"
"Well..." Pomni stuttered. Welp, she had to commit to this.
Actually, she was glad this happened, she and Ragatha hadn't really hung out one on one since Jax's abstraction.
"We could go and look at the stars outside!" She suggested, at long last.
"Ooh, sounds great!" Ragatha stepped out of the room and started walking down the hallway, "Let's do it!"
Well, that was a weird moment. What had possessed her? Why didn't she want to tell Ragatha what was on her mind? Ragatha would understand! She's so kind, and caring, and loving, and funny, and beautiful...
Oh god.
So that's why.
Pomni was in love with Ragatha.
Great. Just perfect, Pomni thought, as if a goddess like her would be interested in a whiny little toddler like me. Hell, did Ragatha even like girls?
"You comin?" She heard a now angelic voice query, and quickly jogged to catch up with her angel.
-------
And so here she was, cuddled up close to her dolly, who was blissfully unaware of just how much Pomni loved the sensation and hated that she loved it.
She had to tell her. Even though she knew there was no chance in hell Ragatha could reciprocate, she couldn't live with these words in her heart, clamoring at the door to get out.
"...I'm so happy I can finally spend some time with you..." She didn't really know where she was going with this, but she guessed she would find out as the words left her mouth.
Once again, they never did. But this time, there was a good reason. Pomni looked up at Ragatha's face and saw a ragdoll deep in thought, and judging by her frown and the fact that she was staring at the digital lake like it had murdered her whole family, probably not about anything good.
She tentatively spoke. "Hey...is everything alright?"
Ragatha was snapped out of her trance, "Huh?" A nervous chuckle escaped the doll and she immediately began a spiel that Pomni knew all too well.
"Why-...would you...wh-YES!" She said too quickly. Pomni knew something was up, and Ragatha knew that much. Pomni had a talent for people-reading.
Ragatha sighed, knowing she'd been caught, and started speaking. "I just...keep thinking about you saying I'm your closest friend a few weeks ago...but..."
Wait. What was happening? It couldn't be what she thought, right? Ragatha could never feel that way about her...right?
"...like..."
Holy shit. It was. Holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshi-
"...no I'm not."
What.
"You've spent more time with anyone than with me. Even him." Pomni cringed inwardly. She knew who Ragatha was talking about.
"I want to be your friend...I want to more than anything...but I just...it seems...like-"
Pomni had heard enough. She knew what Ragatha needed. Before Ragatha could spiral further, Pomni hugged her tighter than she ever had, clinging to her like a koala to a branch.
"I'm sorry," she said, quiet enough that only her beloved could hear. "Shit, I'm so sorry, I do truly love you, you were so nice to me, when I first got here. I know you've been working hard, I can't even-...you made me want to help them too. I've felt this...kinship with you, I'm sorry for not getting to you sooner-I was looking up to you, I promise-I-I-I-"
"Would you please just fucking stop making fun of me?" Ragatha spat out coldly. She had tears in her eyes now.
Pomni froze. Had she heard Ragatha right? "...Wh-"
"I know, I know I'm worse than you. You can't just say shit like that."
Pomni was at a loss for words. Had...had she really hurt Ragatha so badly?
"'Looking up to me?' You got closer to everyone than I ever could, even before Jax started to be an ass- I just- you figured out Kinger, and I've been here with him the longest..."
Pomni wanted to say something, she had to, but she couldn't think of anything to possibly make it seem okay, because she knew it wasn't.
Ragatha was growing hysterical. "J-j-j-JUST FUCKING SHOOT ME IN THE FACE LIKE JAX DID, I...I..."
The tears in her eyes were falling now, and she seemed to be simmering down. The white hot rage that had consumed her was now retreating into the thicket, and in it's place, immense shame and guilt took hold.
"I...don't- believe you..." She finished at last.
Pomni was mortified. She couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe herself. How she had managed to make Ragatha feel so thoroughly unloved and undervalued.
She had really screwed this up, huh? Here she was, with a woman who gave so much and asked for so little in return. Not just that, but she was interested in Pomni, of all people.
Somehow, Pomni had managed to capture her attention, and what did she do? She ignored her for a purple jackass who said he hated her.
Pomni knew that all she could do now was save face. She could never mend things with Ragatha, but she at least wanted her to understand she had never meant any harm.
"Ragatha, I-" Before she could get out another word, Ragatha collapsed, sobbing.
"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean any of that!" Ragatha wailed.
Wait.
Wait a minute.
Hold the goddamn phone.
Ragatha was apologizing to her?
"Please don't leave me! It's okay if you hate me, but please don't leave me alone again..."
Oh my god, she's afraid..., thought Pomni.
Almost defeatedly, she sat down beside her crying ragdoll. She had to help her. And she was almost certain she could.
"Ragatha..." she cooed, as if she were calming down a wounded animal, "...you shouldn't apologize to me...I should be the one apologizing."
"...b-b-but..." Ragatha whimpered as the sobs died down, "...I yelled at you. I...I hurt you."
"I needed to hear it. And you were right to say it," comforted Pomni.
"I didn't mean...I wasn't trying to..."
"I know, Ragatha, I know."
"I can't even...believe myself, I-I don't-" The sobs began to creep up through her throat once more.
"Ragatha. Look at me." The sudden firmness in Pomni's voice startled Ragatha. She slowly looked up, into Pomni's eyes, as if it pained her to do so.
"I am so...so sorry. There's no explaining away the way I've made you feel, the way I've ignored you, the way I left you behind. And I can't do anything to make your feelings disappear." She locked Ragatha's fingers in hers.
"But if you let me back in, and give me the chance, I will do everything in my power to make sure you never feel that way again. As long as I live, I will have you know that, if nobody else is there, you at least have me in your corner.
"You don't have to trust me, but I think you should."
Ragatha was dumbstruck for a moment. Her nose crinkled, and she began to cry once more as tears spilled out of her eyes.
"Pomni...wh-why do you-"
"Because I love you. And I always will. You are the most amazing woman in the circus, hell, on the planet, and I would do anything to see your beautiful smile again."
"Pomni...I...I...can I kiss you?"
Pomni's heart did an entire olympic gymnastics routine in the span of half a second. "Please."
Ragatha wasted no time.