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Oscar sat in his shower, curled in a ball against the cold tile. The water was warm, but did nothing against the biting cold of wet ceramic.
He hadn’t known. He truly hadn’t known.
And now he felt empty, an ache behind his heart for something that hadn’t really been his in the first place. He watched blood swirling down the drain with a detached gaze.
He had seen all the diagrams, the warnings in fertility offices, the pamphlets he had been given when he presented. How if he wanted to carry to term he would have to eliminate stress from his life almost instantly. How he would have to drop everything to lean into instinct. How his risks were more than 45% greater than female omegas.
And it had seemed trivial at the time.
He had his career to think about, where would a pup even come into the conversation? He had no mate, no stable home life, it wasn’t something he had even given a second thought to. He took his suppressants and birth control on time, he had his mandatory heats twice a year, and he didn’t think about it.
All it had taken was one stupid night, one forgotten suppressant, one stress heat, and one knothead of an alpha teammate that helped.
It had been spur of the moment, impulsive, driven by hormones and need rather than rational thought. They hadn’t done anything since.
Oscar couldn’t blame Lando, he wasn’t a female omega, he was hardly desirable looking, only carrying more weight in his thighs rather than hips or chest.
It had been three days where he had missed his birth control doses. Three more days of one of the most intense heats Oscar had experienced.
He was still worried about what he said while he was out of his mind with want. He had spent the week after waiting for an email from HR about sexual harassment. He wouldn’t have blamed Lando if he demanded Pato take Oscar’s seat for the final few races due to feeling violated in the workplace. He felt awful enough as it was. But then that hadn’t happened.
Lando had been his regular self, if a little more subdued and more inclined to ask if Oscar was alright. Lando had kept a respectful distance the rest of the season but nothing that screamed that he was unhappy. If anything he seemed like he was always hovering just out of reach, ready to swoop in if Oscar needed him.
It confused Oscar greatly at the time, but looking back he wondered if there was something instinctual about it. If Lando’s body had somehow known Oscar was carrying their pup, and was trying to be the supportive alpha without smothering. Either way it didn’t matter now.
Two months.
Eight weeks.
He had only made it eight weeks.
He had lost the championship, put way too much stress on his body and gone and lost the baby as well. Not that he had known it had even existed.
It was an awful feeling, he felt like his whole life had slipped away and he couldn’t do anything to stop it.
He watched as more blood slipped down the drain, the majority of it having already been washed away. There hadn't been much …matter, the baby had only been the size of a kidney bean after all, but there had been enough blood where Oscar felt weak. His hands were tingly and the room was swaying but he couldn’t tell if that was dizziness or tears.
At some point the water grew cold and he was able to reach over and turn off the showerhead. He wasn’t sure he could get up, and he wasn’t sure if he should. Navigating wet tile floors seemed like a really dangerous task at the moment.
He put his head on his arms and held his knees to his chest. Everything would dry eventually.
The night had turned into day at some point and while Oscar, caught up in everything that had happened had forgotten Mark was supposed to come over and discuss his contract and future plans.
Oscar was somewhere between dozing and passing out when Mark found him. Oscar couldn't understand much of what was happening, black spots filling his vision when Mark helped him stand. Something at the back of his mind cringed at Mark seeing him like this but he just felt so empty it was hard to focus.
“-car Oscar, I need to know, did you try to hurt yourself?”
Oscar blinked, he was sitting on his bed, Mark handing him a hoodie and some sweatpants. He just shook his head slowly.
“Ok that's good, did you take anything? Pills? Injections?”
Again Oscar shook his head, pulling on the clothes slowly. They smelled of laundry detergent and his own natural chocolatey scent but nothing else. There was something missing and he could feel a whine in his throat that was even more embarrassing than Mark seeing him naked as the day he was born.
“Oscar, I need you to tell me what happened. Are you injured?”
Honestly Oscar didn’t really know, he could tell the bleeding hadn’t really stopped, it was just slow drips now and then, hopefully not going through the thick material of his sweatpants. He probably needed to find a pad or something at some point. He hadn’t realized Mark had sat next to him on the bed until he felt the other’s hand over his shoulders, slowly rubbing his back.
“I didn’t know.” Oscar said in a small voice.
“Didn’t know what?”
“I was pregnant. I’m not anymore.”
The silence was potent. Oscar just waited for the disappointment, not only had been stupid enough to get knocked up he hadn’t even realized it until it was too late.
“Oh pup…”
And suddenly he was being hugged. There was no disappointment, no lecture. Just comfort. Oscar leaned into it.
“I don’t want anyone to know.” He whispered into Mark’s shirt.
“Are you sure? Not even-”
“I’m sure.”
~~~~~~~~
Lando noticed that after coming back from winter break Oscar had been weird. Not in his normal quiet way but in a fidgety distant way. It was extremely puzzling. Lando had been trying to be the respectful alpha, trying to make up for having gone way too far too fast initially and had been trying to court Oscar. With very little success.
He couldn’t tell if Oscar was rejecting his courting gifts or just had no idea what they were in the first place. He had felt awful initially, their first time together had been a breakthrough stress heat, that was hardly a pleasant experience.
Lando had tried to be as respectful as possible when Oscar had approached him after the race, already dripping with sweat and slurring his words. However it was hard when you had a needy omega writhing in your lap. He had been ecstatic when Oscar told him that Lando had already been cleared to be his heat partner, the fact Oscar had wanted Lando in the first place was enough to make him practically jump for joy.
Lando had been silently pining after his teammate for the better part of a year trying to figure out a way to approach the subject without seeming extremely creepy and putting Oscar in a dangerous position. But, while he had enjoyed every second of Oscar's heat, ever the romantic, he wanted to court Oscar properly.
After that night though, it seemed they were at a standstill. Oscar neither accepted nor refused any of Lando’s advancements, leading basically nothing happening and subsequently leading to Lando ranting angrily to Alex and George about the whole situation. They would look at each other knowingly and just suggest Lando sit down and talk with Oscar but the cost of rejection was so high Lando would much rather drive off a cliff than go in blind.
The championship battle had also made things weird and especially after Lando won, he felt like everything was just a bit too high tension. He figured he would wait until next year and then he would really get the ball rolling.
But they were back, testing the car, and Oscar was distant. Lando couldn’t pinpoint what it was. Outwardly he looked fine, no obvious injuries, no bruises under his eyes from lack of sleep. And he still held conversations, still made witty remarks. But there was something off. It was the way he stood when no one was looking, hunched over slightly as if he had a bruised rib. It was the distant look he got when other guys on the grid talked about what they did with their families over break. There was something bothering Oscar and Lando had an almost incessant urge to figure out what it was.
There was something in his gut that told Lando it had to do with him. Which of course led to Lando reaching out to not only the head omega of the grid pack, but the only one he knew Oscar had spent any time with over the break, Charles.
They were standing around waiting for a drivers meeting when Lando shuffled up beside him, Oscar on the other side of the room discussing something with George, Alex leaning over the seats to join in. Carlos was caught in the middle, just staring at the wall.
“So Charles, how was your break?”
Charles just smiled, the warmth of his buttery rich scent floated over him.
“Good but I'm sure not as great as yours.” He wiggled his eyebrows and Lando blushed remembering the several videos that had been all over twitter showing him celebrating drunk on a yacht with friends and promptly falling off the boat into the water.
“It was fun, yeah.” He spared a look over at his teammate and noticed he once more was zoned out of the conversation as Alex ranted about visiting his family in Thailand.
“Look, something is up with Osc and I can’t for the life of me figure it out and I was hoping you might know more? I may have screwed something up really badly and I just-” he sighed. “I don’t know, I guess I’m just waiting for rejection.”
Charles looked at him curiously before turning his gaze to Oscar.
“I think I know what you mean, he has seemed distracted lately, and when his scent changed two months ago I thought it was the stress but now it's almost like…” He trailed off, eyes going wide at a realization. Lando however was stuck on the scent thing.
“What? When did his scent change? I didn’t even notice.”
He looked back at Oscar, breathing deeper as if he could smell subtleties from across the room.
“You wouldn’t notice, it’s an omega thing,” Charles muttered absently, “I will get back to you I need to discuss something with Max.”
Charles then made a beeline for the pack alpha, whispering to him furiously in french. Lando just went back to his seat.
“Typical.”
-
Lando was unable to corner Oscar the rest of the day, and went back to his hotel room feeling unsettled and disjointed. They were flying back to England tomorrow to do sim work at the factory before the actual start of the season. He would just have to talk to Oscar then.
-
Sim days were long and exhausting. Lando had texted Oscar when he was finally done with everything and asked if it was ok if he could come over to talk. It seemed like they had been dancing around each other for long enough and Lando really wanted to make sure nothing was wrong. What better time than the present?
Which of course sounded like a great idea until he was standing outside Oscar’s door. His palms were sweaty and he kept having to reign in his scent, afraid the bitterness of his anxiety would stink up the hallway.
He finally got the courage to knock when the door opened.
“I could smell you through the door,” Oscar said, sheepish. “Comming in?”
Lando just nodded, noticing that oddly, Oscar smelled vaguely of pre-heat.
Lando stepped into Oscar's apartment, noting Oscar's den smell to have that same musky tone of heat, despite Lando knowing Oscar's scheduled heats were in August and December, this late in February the scent should be long gone.
He also took note of a large nest taking up half the couch. That too was odd, not only was Oscar not a huge nester, but he preferred his chaos to be contained to his bedroom. Nests often taking the form of large piles of clothes and only one or two pillows, he usually just scattered around scented items at random. This nest was larger, neater, made of large blankets and only a few specifically placed t-shirts.
“I know you wanted to talk.” Oscar looked uncharacteristically fidgety, his face was flushed and he looked smaller wrapped in the oversized Mclaren hoodie.
Lando just nodded, his hand moving in an aborted motion towards Oscar before he had a chance to think. He clenched his hands at his sides.
“I- are you alright? Your nest-”
Oscar blushed and looked down.
“I uh, pre-heat is hitting me harder than I thought, my instincts are all out of whack.”
Lando took a step towards Oscar, suddenly worried.
“What do you mean out of whack? I thought your heat had already happened in December?”
Oscar looked away again, not meeting Lando's eyes.
“Maybe we should sit down.”
Lando, now no longer even considering his stupid preplaned speech about his feelings, he was fully focused on Oscar's health. This couldn't be a good thing, was the stress heat an indicator of a bigger issue? Was he still going to be ok to race? Mind racing with possibilities, he could feel himself spiraling.
Oscar had settled in the middle of his nest, still fidgeting with a nervous energy. Lando sat carefully on the cushion on the opposite side of the couch, hesitant to approach an omega's nest in pre-heat, regardless of their history. Oscar frowned slightly at Lando's choice but ultimately did not make any indications he should move closer.
Oscar cleared his throat. “You said you wanted to talk, what did you want to discuss?”
Lando floundered for a moment, “Well obviously first I want to know if you are ok you muppet, you can't just gloss over the fact you are going into heat months later than you should be?”
Oscar just nodded looking sheepish. He was already flushed, the pre-heat must be really getting to him.
“You remember my breakthrough heat? Well, I forgot to take my birth control as well as my supressants.”
The realization hit Lando like a freight train.
“The stress of the championship compounded with the already high risk and the fact I didn't even know I was pregnant, did not set me up for success.”
Oscar's voice was shaking despite the obvious attempt at masking his emotion.
“I lost the pup four weeks ago. My body has finally fallen back into its typical cycle, meaning a heat.”
Boundaries be damned. Lando crawled across the couch and pulled Oscar into a hug. He felt a slight tremor run through Oscar as he went boneless in Lando's arms. Lando couldn't believe Oscar had even been able to show up to work let alone face Lando all these weeks.
Fuck, Lando couldn't believe he hadn't tried to check in sooner. He had been so wrapped up in his own fears and insecurities he hadn't even thought this as a possibility. And he would be lying if the fact Oscar had been carrying their pup didn't make him want to Mate Oscar right then and there.
Pregnancies in non-mated omegas hardly ever survived full term. It wasn't a surprise this one didn't. But that didn't mean it hadn't been real. There had been a moment where they had created life. And the grief of the loss was crushing. And Lando was damned if he wasn't going to be there for every minute.
He felt Oscar pull back, his nose suspiciously red but his eyes were dry.
“I would understand,” Oscar croaked. “If you didn't want to see me again. I can file a report with the team, void my contract. I'm sure I could find another team, Logan’s contacts at Williams, maybe Alpine-”
“Woah, woah hey Oscar what the fuck? Why would I ever want that?” Lando searched the resigned look on Oscar's face for answers, his own face scrunching up at the comment.
“I killed our pup.” Oscar's words were starting to slur as the fog of pre-heat clouds his head. “I'm a poor excuse for an omega.”
Lando grabbed Oscar's chin, forcing him to look Lando in the eye. Anxiety swirling in his gut as he realized Oscar was heading down a dangerous road that could lead to a drop.
“No, this was not your fault. The circumstances sucked, I wasn't nearly as careful as I should have been and it put you at risk. It was my fault, I'm sorry.”
Oscar sniffed but he still looked serious. His nose and eyes were red, sweat beading as the heat settled into his skin.
“Oscar, I care about you. Way more than I should as a teammate, and I have been trying to court you all year.”
Oscar looked fully surprised at that, eyes widening as Lando continued.
“I fully understand if you do not want to pursue anything with me but I would like to try. I think you are incredible and anyone would be insanely lucky to have you as their mate.”
His words finally seemed to be breaking through the fog, Oscar looked at him with unshuttered longing, but still hesitant, like the moment he said something Lando would pull the rug out from under him. Like this was too good to be true.
“I want you as a mate, would you be open to us courting?”
“But the pregnancy-”
“Oscar, I am obviously upset, but only because of what could have been, not because you weren't good enough or whatever nonsense. I am just happy that you are alright.”
He waited a beat, just staring as Oscar processed.
That's when he heard it. A soft rumble sounded from Oscar's chest. His face flushed but he did not break eye contact with Lando. Oscar was purring.
Oscar nodded slowly.
“I would like that, yes.”
Lando pulled him into another hug. He could now feel the soft purring against his chest and he felt calmer than he had in a while.
“Do you want me to go before your heat starts or do you want me to stay?”
Oscar, face flushed, looked away. His pupils were already blown and Lando thought for a moment he smelled the sweet musk of slick. He must be closer to his heat hitting than either of them realized.
“You don’t have to do anything…but if you could just stay…”
Lando took Oscar's hands in his, rubbing a thumb in small circles.
“I’ll do whatever you are comfortable with here, Osc.”
Oscar stood quickly, wincing for a moment and suddenly Lando smelled slick even stronger than before. Oscar scooped the mountain of blankets from the couch, waddling towards his room further in the apartment. The waft of his rich dark chocolate scent washed over Lando, making it hard for him to think.
Being in the home of an omega in heat was dangerous enough for an unmated alpha, but an omega he was in love with? Lando thought weakly that he should have brought his fang guards.
He got up on unsteady legs, moving to Oscar’s small kitchen and grabbing some snacks and a couple bottles of water. It didn’t hurt to be prepared.
As he entered Oscar's bedroom, Lando had honestly expected an attempted growl or two from the Australian, a strange alpha was almost always unwelcome in an omega’s heat nest. However, when Lando crossed the threshold he heard Oscar’s whine from inside the mound of pillows on the bed.
The bed itself was not surprising for an omega’s apartment, large and low to the ground, easy to create nests and keep food and other supplies on the ground outside of the nest. Lando noted curiously that one of his black and grey fleece quarter zips was half hidden under a criminally orange pillow.
He set the snacks and waters down carefully before laying a tentative hand on one of the border pillows. Oscar’s hand shot out to grab his wrist, tugging Lando harshly into the pile.
Lando yelped, getting pulled forward and almost immediately flipped, Oscar panting above him.
He was flushed, hair falling in front of his face, somehow already shirtless and Lando felt his mind get even more fuzzy as he traced the miles of pale skin.
“...pretty…” Lando murmured as he reached up to trace Oscar’s cheek.
Oscar just huffed, looking at Lando fondly. He lowered himself to be laying directly on Lando, hips shifting to chase friction. Oscar kissed Lando deeply, scenting him as he went. Lando felt his usual eucalyptus and tart citrus getting covered by the rich chocolate sweetness.
“Just take what you need,” Lando said, breaking the kiss, breathless and burning. “I am here for you.”
“Just-” Oscar panted, “I don't know if I can- not right away…”
Lando just cupped a hand around the back of Oscar's neck and pulled him forward so their foreheads were touching.
“Watever you want.”
Oscar just closed his eyes, nodding again. Lando heard a small purring starting again in the back of his throat. Lando tugged Oscar down on top of him and placed Oscar's head on his chest. Here, curled up in his omega's nest, with said omega curled around him, the whole room smelling pleasantly of their two scents mixed together, was exactly where he wanted to be.