Chapter Text
Jihoon was a selfish man.
He knew this to be fact, as he acted the way he did, felt the way he did.
Love can do that, though.
-
The blonde dancer wasn’t often in the middle of things. He was never the one to mediate an argument, always the one to start it. He would always lead their dance practices, never idly wait for instruction. He’d never intercept a joke, always the one to start or finish it.
But if there was one thing he was in the middle of, it was Youngjae and Dohoon.
They were his favorite hyungs, each in different ways. Youngjae was calm and gentle, his reactions always spurring Jihoon on. The singer’s smile always felt like home and his (rare) physical contact was electrifying. Youngjae’s presence alone was comforting, and he was easily the most reliable person in the group.
Dohoon was loud and got along with Jihoon better than anyone. He could bicker with the younger for hours, enjoying every moment of it. Dohoon was blunt in a way that was often a lifesaver, solving difficult problems with simple, to-the-point solutions.
If it was up to Jihoon, he’d have them all to himself. He’d spend his mornings bothering Youngjae until he got a laugh out of the older, and he’d spend his nights having late-night conversations that went from hilarious to deep in a flash. He’d have what he wanted, and his hyungs would want it too.
That’s where the problem lies. He doesn’t have them to himself. In fact, Youngjae and Dohoon have each other, and Jihoon is just an outsider, the only one in this scenario who has nothing.
Their relationship is full of smiles reserved for each other and caressed hands. All Jihoon gets is hearing his roommate “secretly” shuffle out of their room every night and glances at touches that will never be his.
The same aged couple were so different, yet so alike. Youngjae’s features were softer while Dohoon’s were more prominent. Youngjae preferred to quietly watch from the sidelines while Dohoon wanted to be the main character. But at the same time, they both loved to sing, they shared the same dreams, they’d cry watching their favorite dramas.
They were also both very stubborn people. This means that when they fight, it isn’t something that can be resolved easily.
Which brings Jihoon to his current predicament, stuck in the middle of their argument.
Youngjae and Dohoon had gotten into a disagreement after their first night of their Seoul concert, the harsh whispers muffled through the dorm walls as Jihoon scrolled through fan’s posts about the show.
The morning after had an underlying tension that could even be felt through the rushed preparations for day 2 of the concert. Youngjae refused to look at Dohoon, and Dohoon stood as far as possible from Youngjae.
Instead, Dohoon parked himself next to Jihoon the whole day. They bickered like usual, though Dohoon’s words seemed… lighter than usual, as if he was being gentle toward the younger. He ruffled his hair once Jihoon rushed backstage after rehearsing his unit stage, and he even shared his bowl of ramen with Jihoon before getting their makeup done.
Jihoon felt wanted. For once, he didn’t have to watch from afar. He was the one Dohoon walked towards first, the one who was offered his first bite of food. Their conversations didn't start with teasing, instead beginning with a warm look or a compliment.
It felt like heaven, though Jihoon would be a fool not to notice the subtle glances between Dohoon and Youngjae. Every time Dohoon would come close to show Jihoon a video, or would help out Jihoon with a certain dance move, he’d look in Youngjae’s direction, almost as if he wanted a reaction out of him.
And Youngjae would occasionally glance back, face tightening before quickly turning away. Dohoon’s face was always satisfied after that, as if his actions were all so get a reaction out of Youngjae.
Jihoon ignored it though. He let himself be noticed, and be the only one looked at for once. He let himself be selfish and wish Dohoon and Youngjae would never resolve their fight.
After the show had ended, it seemed to be Youngjae’s turn with Jihoon. He let Jihoon ramble on and on about the performance, their legs brushing as Jihoon animatedly moved around to get his point across.
Normally, Youngjae would quickly remove himself from the physical contact. But tonight, he let them stay in that position. Jihoon felt his chest pound at the rare moment of acceptance, ignoring the smirk on Youngjae’s face as he satisfyingly looked in Dohoon’s direction.
Once they got to the dorms, everyone quickly retreated to their rooms, exhausted from the past two days. Youngjae and Jihoon remained in the living room, sitting on their phones together and occasionally commenting about the concert.
It had been quiet for about five minutes before Youngjae spoke, sighing before quietly saying, “You know, I bet you’d be easier to date than Dohoon. At least you wouldn’t keep your emotions to yourself”.
Jihoon’s eyes widened at the comment, shocked to hear such words from the same man who would always joke about never being able to room with Jihoon.
A million words rushed to his mind at once, but the one sentence that stood out more than all the others was, “Then date me”. It was that simple, wasn’t it? When Dohoon and Youngjae weren’t talking to eachother, they brought Jihoon a little closer. They treated him like he was special, as if he were a big part of their lives. If their current partners were too difficult, why couldn’t they just choose him? Was that so difficult?
Before Jihoon could get any of these words out, the door to Dohoon and Jihoons room opened.
Dohoon came out, looking bothered, staring at Youngjae as if he had hurt him before looking at Jihoon as if he had done something to offend him.
The red-haired boy grabbed Youngjae’s hand, pulling him up from the couch. Youngjae looked a bit annoyed, though he instinctively wrapped his hand around Dohoon’s.
“Jihoon-ah, don’t come in our room for a bit. I’ll tell you when you can come back in”. His voice was stern, as if Jihoon had no place in his own bedroom.
“But-” Jihoon tried to interject. He was tired, it was 2:00 A.M. and he wanted to sleep his exhaustion away. He wanted a choice in whether or not he can enter his room. He wanted a place in a conversation about an argument that caused him to be toyed with the entire day.
“No buts, Jihoon. This is a private discussion”. Dohoon turned around and dragged Youngjae to their room, closing the door with a soft click.
“Private discussion”. That made Jihoon laugh. What was so private about it, when Jihoon was used to fuel the fire? What happened to all those small moments throughout the day, that made Jihoon feel wanted? Did that mean nothing to them?
Through the wall, the dancer could hear muffled sentences.
“...why… you know… likes you!”
“... trying… make me… jealous?”
“He obviously… crush… you too!”
“... disrespect me like that, Dohoon”
Their voices slowly got quieter, and Jihoon could feel the tension resolve.
After a while, he could hear laughter in the room, in his room that he had no right to enter. At this point, they likely forgot about Jihoon completely.
The living room was cold, the couch having no blankets and his jackets all being in the room that didn’t feel like his anymore.
As the tears began to pour down his face, nothing felt colder than the emptiness of his heart, having been given hope but ending up with absolutely nothing.
And Jihoon, being the selfish man that he is, wished for them to go back to fighting, hoped that something would tear their relationship apart, even if just so Jihoon wouldn’t be the only thing broken.
In the silence of that room, it was a quiet, soft voice that interrupted Jihoon’s loneliness.
“Hyung?”