Chapter Text
The apartment was still wrapped in the quiet hush of early morning. Rain drummed softly against the windows, and the scent of freshly brewed coffee drifted lazily from the kitchen. Felix stood by the counter, absentmindedly stirring his mug, a small, sleepy smile already playing on his lips even before he felt the familiar arms slide around his waist from behind.
He melted back into the embrace instantly, letting out a contented sigh as he leaned against the solid warmth behind him. There was something about these quiet mornings that never failed to make his heart feel impossibly full.
“You’ve been awake for a while, haven’t you?” He asked softly, his voice still a little raspy from sleep.
A gentle hum vibrated against his back, followed by a tender squeeze. “Couldn’t help it. You looked too cute curled up like that.”
Felix let out a soft laugh, cheeks warming. “You’re such a sap.”
“Only for you, baby,” the other man murmured, pressing a slow kiss to the side of his neck. “Besides I like watching you sleep. You make these tiny noises and scrunch your nose sometimes. It’s my favourite thing.”
“That’s still a little creepy, you know,” Felix teased, though his voice was filled with affection.
The soft chuckle against his skin made him smile. “I think it’s romantic.”
“You think everything is romantic when it comes to me.”
“Because it is,” came the gentle reply, lips brushing his ear. “Everything with you feels like a love song.”
Felix shook his head, warmth blooming brightly in his chest. Even after all these years, the man behind him still knew exactly how to make him feel like the most cherished person in the world. He turned slowly in the embrace until they were face to face, his hands sliding up to rest against the other's chest.
“You still say things like we’re seventeen,” Felix whispered, smiling up at him.
The man's eyes softened, a fond, almost disbelieving smile spreading across his face; the very same smile that had once made a nervous sixteen-year-old boy’s heart race.
“You still married me,” he replied quietly, his thumb gently tracing Felix’s cheek.
For a long moment, they simply stood there in the soft morning light, foreheads pressed together, fingers intertwined. Rain continued to patter gently against the windows, but inside their little world everything felt safe, warm, and perfectly complete.
Felix looked up at his husband, the man he had loved for so long, his heart impossibly full.
“The best thing I ever did,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion, “was falling in love with you.”
The other smiled at him, eyes shining with that same bright, wonderful disbelief that still appeared sometimes. He pulled Felix closer, holding him as though he were something precious and irreplaceable.
“I fall in love with you every single day,” he murmured, his voice soft and full of promise. “Even after all this time.”
Some things never really changed.
Ten Years Ago
The first rays of morning light filtered through the half-drawn curtains of Hyunjin’s room, soft and golden, catching on the scattered sketchbooks and paintbrushes that littered his desk. He buried his face deeper into the pillow, chasing the last threads of sleep, even as the distant sound of utensils turning drifted from the hallway. Sam was already up, of course. Sam was always up early.
Hyunjin groaned and finally dragged himself out of bed, hair a tangled mess of blonde that fell past his shoulders. He glanced at the clock and cursed under his breath. Late again. He hurriedly threw on his uniform with the usual dramatic flair; blazer slightly askew, tie loosened before he even left the house; while his fingers absently traced the mole beneath his left eye in the mirror. Another day of boring school.
Downstairs, Sam sat at the kitchen table, uniform immaculate, dark hair neatly combed, a textbook open in front of him as he quietly reviewed notes. The calm, focused energy he radiated made the air feel steadier somehow. Hyunjin leaned against the doorway for a moment, watching his twin with a familiar mix of fondness and irritation, then decided to enter the kitchen.
“Some of us actually need beauty sleep, you know,” Hyunjin said, voice still rough with sleep as he rummaged through the fridge.
Sam didn’t even look up, turning a page with his fingers. “Some of us also don’t stay up until three drawing instead of studying. There’s toast if you want it. Mom left some.”
Hyunjin grabbed a banana instead, peeling it lazily. “Toast is boring. Life’s too short for dry bread and perfect grades.” He took a bite, leaning against the counter. “Besides, I finished that piece last night. The one with the sunset over the river. It actually turned out decent.”
A small, knowing smile tugged at Sam’s lips. “You say that about everything you make, and then you hide it before anyone can see it. One day you’ll actually have to let people look.”
Hyunjin shrugged, the easy mischief slipping back into place like armour. “People don’t get it.” He tossed the banana peel and grabbed his bag. “Come on, we’re already late.”
Sam closed his book with a soft snap, standing with the confidence that always seemed to fill whatever space he occupied. They were twins, yet standing side by side they looked like two different versions of the same person; one chaotic and vibrant, the other steady and composed.
They stepped out into the cool morning air. Walking to school together had been their routine since they were kids, but lately it felt heavier for Hyunjin. Like every step brought him closer to another day of watching Felix orbit just a little more around his brother.
They didn’t talk much on the way to Felix’s house. Sam hummed softly under his breath, reviewing flashcards in his mind, while Hyunjin kicked at fallen leaves, his long hair swaying with each stride. The air carried the faint scent of autumn, crisp and nostalgic, and Hyunjin found himself sketching the scene in his head; light dappling through the trees, the subtle shift of shadows on the sidewalk.
When they reached Felix’s house, Hyunjin grinned mischievously and marched straight up to the doorbell. Without hesitation, he pressed it five times in quick succession ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong.
Sam sighed beside him. “You’re going to wake the whole neighbourhood, Hyunnie.”
“That’s the point,” Hyunjin whispered back, eyes sparkling with mischief.
The door swung open and Felix stood there, his honey brown hair combed beautifully. The moment he saw them, his entire expression brightened, eyes curving into those warm crescents that always made something inside Hyunjin tighten and loosen at the same time.
“You’re lucky you’re pretty,” Felix muttered, voice still rough from sleep.
Hyunjin gasped, clutching his chest like he had been shot. His long blonde hair swayed with the exaggerated motion. “You’ve admitted it! Finally! Felix Lee just called me pretty!”
Felix’s cheeks turned a soft pink. He crossed his arms, trying to look unimpressed even as the corners of his mouth twitched. “I admitted nothing.”
“And I heard everything,” Sam called out dryly, not even looking back as he started down the sidewalk.
Felix groaned and rubbed his face while Hyunjin laughed brightly, feeling lighter than he had all morning. He reached out and gently ruffled Felix’s messy hair, making it worse.
“Come on, sleepyhead. School won’t wait for you.”
Felix swatted his hand away half-heartedly but followed them anyway.
“Morning Samie!” He called out to Sam, falling into step between them as naturally as breathing.
“Morning Lix.”
Felix’s presence always filled the space instantly, warm and comforting, like sunlight breaking through clouds. He bumped Hyunjin’s shoulder lightly in greeting, then turned his gaze to both of them. “You two look like you had very different mornings.”
Sam chuckled softly. “As usual.”
Felix’s eyes flicked to Hyunjin, observant as always. He tilted his head, studying him for a brief second before a small frown creased his brow. “Didn’t you eat again? You look a little pale.”
Hyunjin opened his mouth to brush it off with a joke, but Sam already beat him to it. "Just a banana. He said toast is too dry for him."
Felix looked at Hyunjin for a second before he was already reaching into his bag. He pulled out a neatly wrapped sandwich, his mom’s homemade one, the kind with extra cheese and carefully cut vegetables, and tore it in half. He held one piece out to Hyunjin, the other already in his own hand.
“Here. Eat. You always skip breakfast when you oversleep.”
The simple gesture always hits Hyunjin harder than it should do. Hyunjin’s fingers brushed against Felix’s as he took the sandwich, warmth lingering where their skin touched. He could feel Sam watching them quietly from the other side, that calm, assured presence that never seemed to waver. Of course Felix would notice. Of course he would share without making it a big deal. It was just who he was, kind, gentle, always taking care of them both.
But lately, Hyunjin couldn’t help noticing how those caring moments seemed to land differently when they were directed at Sam. Like the way Felix listened so attentively when Sam spoke about school. The laughter and the comfortable silence between them.
“Thanks, Lix,” Hyunjin murmured, taking a bite to hide the way his throat tightened. The sandwich tasted like home, like years of shared mornings and unspoken feelings. He glanced sideways at Felix, watching the way the corners of his eyes crinkled first whenever he smiled, the way sunshine seemed to cling to him even on cloudy days.
The three of them walked along the familiar route to school, sunlight filtering through the trees lining the street. Hyunjin felt the earlier ache from his thoughts fade a little as Felix walked right beside him, their arms occasionally touching.
Without warning, Felix reached over and snatched the earphones dangling from Hyunjin’s neck.
“Mine now,” He declared, already putting one earbud in his own ear with a mischievous grin.
Hyunjin’s eyes widened. “Hey! Give them back!”
He lunged for them, but Felix quickly held the earphones high above his head, laughing as he danced backward. Even though Felix was shorter, he was fast and playful, keeping them just out of reach.
“Felix!” Hyunjin complained, jumping to grab them. Their bodies bumped together as he tried to reach. “Those are my favourite ones!”
“No,” Felix said simply, holding them higher and grinning.
Hyunjin pouted, giving his best puppy eyes. “Give them back.”
“No.”
“I’ll cry.”
“No.”
“I’ll tell your future spouse you bullied me in high school!”
Felix burst out laughing with that squeaky laugh that always made Hyunjin’s heart skip. He lowered the earphones slightly but didn’t hand them over.
“You’d still be bullying me,” Felix teased, eyes sparkling. “Even in the future. I just know it.”
Hyunjin couldn’t help laughing too. He darted again, finally managing to grab Felix’s wrist. They wrestled playfully for the earphones for a while, both of them laughing as they stumbled along the sidewalk. Felix’s messy hair bounced with every movement, and his cheeks were flushed from laughter.
Sam walked a few steps ahead, glancing back at them but saying nothing. He was used to their chaos.
“Seriously, Lix,” Hyunjin said between laughs, still trying to pry the earphones from Felix’s hand. “These have my best playlists. You’ll make me suffer without music.”
Felix finally relented, but instead of giving them back, he put one earbud in Hyunjin’s ear and the other in his own. Their faces ended up very close. Hyunjin could see the tiny freckles on Felix’s cheek and the way his eyes curved when he smiled.
“Compromise,” Felix said softly. “We share.”
Hyunjin’s heart did a familiar flip. The closeness, the casual intimacy, the way Felix looked at him; it made him feel warm all over. He knew he was probably reading too much into it, but in moments like this, it was hard not to fall a little more.
“Fine,” Hyunjin muttered, pretending to be annoyed even as he smiled. “But only because you’re cute when you steal things.”
Felix’s ears turned pink, but he didn’t pull away. They continued walking like that; sharing the earphones, shoulders pressed together, soft music playing between them. Every now and then Felix would hum along or comment on a song, and Hyunjin would tease him for his questionable taste.
Sam occasionally looked back, shaking his head fondly at their antics, but he let them have their moment.
By the time they reached the school gates, Hyunjin’s earlier sadness had mostly melted away. Being with Felix like this, playful, close, and completely comfortable, always had that effect on him. Even if the world kept trying to push Felix toward Sam, moments like these reminded Hyunjin why he had fallen so deeply in the first place.
Felix finally handed the earphones back properly as they walked through the gates, their fingers brushing during the exchange.
“Thanks for sharing,” Felix said quietly
Hyunjin smiled at him, soft and sincere. “Anytime, Lixie.”
Felix slipped back beside him without a second thought, their fingers nearly brushing.
Of course, it didn’t mean anything. Not the way Hyunjin sometimes let himself hope. Felix was just, Felix. Kind to everyone. Especially to the two brothers who had been part of his life for as long as any of them could remember. He stored these moments away in his mind like reference for another sketch he’d probably never show anyone.
They reached their class and the ache had settled quieter, more manageable. Just another morning. Just another day of pretending the small, impossible longing in his chest wasn’t growing heavier with every passing season
The classroom buzzed with the usual pre homeroom energy when they stepped inside. Desks were scattered with notebooks and half-eaten snacks, windows open to let in the fresh breeze. A few classmates waved at them; Jihoon, the loud soccer captain, already teasing someone in the back row; Minji, who sat near the window and always borrowed Hyunjin’s art supplies when hers ran out; and a handful of others who had grown used to seeing the three of them arrive together.
Hyunjin dropped into his usual seat near the middle, tossing his bag beside him. Felix took the desk right next to his without hesitation, while Sam settled in the row just ahead, turning slightly so he could still talk to them both. It was their unspoken arrangement, one that had formed naturally over the years.
“Morning, lovebirds,” Jihoon called out from across the room, grinning widely as he looked between Felix and Sam. A couple of other classmates chuckled, joining in. “Seriously, when are you two going to make it official? You walk in together every day like a drama couple.”
Sam leaned back in his chair, a small, confident smirk playing on his lips. He didn’t deny it, just gave that calm, quietly arrogant look that said he knew exactly how things appeared. People can think what they want.
Felix laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck as a faint pink dusted his cheeks. He glanced down at his desk, fiddling with the corner of his notebook. “Come on, guys. We’re just friends. All three of us.”
But the teasing didn’t stop. It never did.
Hyunjin forced a dramatic eye roll, leaning back in his chair with his long blonde hair falling over one shoulder. He twirled a pencil between his fingers, pretending the words didn’t land like tiny needles against his skin. “Yeah, yeah. Keep dreaming. Some of us are trying to survive the day without hearing about perfect couples before first period.”
Inside, though, the ache sharpened. He watched Felix’s reaction from the corner of his eye; when he smiled shyly but didn’t quite meet anyone’s gaze. It was easy for everyone to assume. Sam was the golden boy: top of the class, steady, admired. And Felix, Felix looked at Sam with that gentle attentiveness, listening when he spoke about his study plans, sharing food and inside jokes that stretched back just as far as the ones he shared with Hyunjin.
Hyunjin lowered his gaze to the half-finished sketch in the margin of his notebook, a loose drawing of Felix’s profile from memory, the curve of his smile captured in quick, loving lines. He added a faint shadow beneath the eye, his artist’s mind noting the exact way light would fall across those features. No one else saw it. No one else needed to.
He told himself it was fine. He had years of practice at this, loving Felix quietly while the world paired him with someone else, someone easier, someone who made more sense.
The classroom was dissolved into chatter as students turned in their seats, calling out to friends, and shuffled across the room to claim their groups. The previous afternoon, their professor had announced that the next class would begin with a group project and asked everyone to decide on their partners beforehand.
Suddenly Felix was near Hyunjin, turned to him, eyes bright and expectant.
“Partners?” Felix whispered, leaning closer so only Hyunjin could hear.
Hyunjin swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, offering his most mischievous grin. “Obviously. Someone has to keep you from pairing with Mr. Perfect over there.”
Felix laughed warm and softly.
The bell rang, signalling the start of class, yet the weight in Hyunjin’s chest remained, quiet, constant, and growing more difficult to ignore with every passing day.
˗ˏˋ 🍓♡🥟 ˎˊ˗
The bell for lunch finally rang, releasing them from the classroom’s stuffy air. Hyunjin followed Sam and Felix down the crowded hallway toward the cafeteria, his bag slung over one shoulder. The noise of students laughing and trays clattering grew louder as they entered. He scanned the room briefly, the familiar smell of food making his stomach twist, but he pushed the feeling down.
“I’m not really hungry,” he announced as they reached the line, keeping his voice casual. He waved them off with a dramatic flick of his hand. “You two go ahead. I’ll find us a table.”
Sam nodded without much question, already focused on what he wanted to eat. Felix hesitated for a second, brown eyes flicking over Hyunjin’s face, but eventually followed Sam into the line. Hyunjin turned away quickly and claimed their usual table near the window. He pulled out his sketchbook and pencil, flipping it open as if the empty feeling in his stomach didn’t matter.
A few more days like this. That was all. The money he was saving would add up. He had been skipping small things for weeks now, snacks after school, drinks from the vending machine, even the occasional bus fare when the weather wasn’t too bad. Every won counted. Felix’s birthday was only a week away, and Hyunjin had already decided what he was getting him.
Months ago, the three of them had wandered through that little shop in the mall. Felix had stopped in front of a display, pointing at the small yellow chick plush with its round body, tiny orange beak, and soft, huggable wings. “I’ve always wanted something like that,” Felix had said with a shy laugh. “It looks stupidly cute. Perfect for hugging when everything feels too much.”
Hyunjin had tucked that memory away like one of his sketches. He would buy it. He would give it to Felix himself, maybe find a quiet moment on the rooftop after the family dinner, for just the two of them.
He started doodling to distract himself, the pencil moving smoothly across the page. Loose lines first, then shading, capturing the way sunlight cut across the edge of the table, the faint reflection on the window glass. It was easier to focus on shapes and light than on the growing ache in his chest.
Sam and Felix returned a few minutes later, trays in hand. Sam sat across from Hyunjin, already opening a book beside his food, eating quickly while reviewing notes. Felix took the seat right next to Hyunjin, setting his tray down. The smell of warm rice and side dishes drifted over, making Hyunjin’s stomach complain again, but he kept his eyes on his sketchbook.
“You sure you’re not hungry?” Felix asked, voice soft with concern.
Hyunjin flashed him a quick grin, the mischievous one he used like armour. “Yeah, I’m good. Ate too much breakfast.” It was a lie, but it came out easily.
Sam slid a neatly packed side dish toward Felix.
“I got your favourite,” He said calmly, voice low and gentle. “Extra spicy just how you like it. Figured you might be tired after morning classes.”
Felix’s eyes lit up. “Samie, you didn’t have to! Thank you.” He accepted it happily.
Hyunjin poked at his drawing, trying not to stare. Sam’s gestures were always so effortless, so perfectly timed. Felix always thanked him with that warm, genuine smile he gave everyone.
He leaned back in his chair, watching from the corner of his eye as Sam turned around to face Felix. The confidence in his brother’s posture was unmistakable.
“You did really well on that literature presentation earlier,” Sam said smoothly, offering Felix a small, warm smile. “Your points about the symbolism were impressive. We should study together sometime. Just the two of us.”
Felix blinked, then smiled brightly. “Really? That would be great! You’re always so good at explaining things. I’d love to study with both of you.”
Sam’s smile didn’t falter. “Of course. But I think we work particularly well together.”
Hyunjin watched Felix nod enthusiastically, unaware of the way Sam was looking at him; steady, assured, like he already knew how this story was supposed to go. The familiar ache settled deeper in Hyunjin’s chest. So he looked away before the ache could show on his face.
After that they ate in relative quiet for a while. Sam murmured something about a upcoming test, and Felix responded occasionally, but his attention seemed to drift. Then, without saying much, Felix picked up a piece of kimbap with his chopsticks and held it out toward Hyunjin’s mouth.
“Here,” Felix said simply. “Just try some.”
Hyunjin blinked, surprised. The chopsticks hovered close, and for a second he felt a rush of warmth spread through his chest. He leaned forward and accepted the bite, the taste rich. It was small, but it made something flutter hopefully inside him. Maybe, just maybe if he kept being close like this, if he made Felix laugh more, if he showed him the parts of himself no one else really saw-
He caught himself quickly. No. He knew better.
“Thanks, Lix,” he murmured, voice a little softer than usual. He went back to drawing, but the corners of his mouth stayed lifted.
Felix stayed close, shoulder occasionally brushing Hyunjin’s as he ate. He offered another piece a few minutes later, then a spoonful of soup, each time without making it a big deal. Hyunjin accepted every one, heart twisting with a painful kind of happiness. He told himself it was just Felix being Felix; caring, generous, looking after both twins the way he always had since they were children. It didn’t mean anything more.
Sam looked up from his book at one point, a small smirk on his face as he watched them. “You’re going to spoil him.”
Felix only shrugged lightly, a shy smile playing on his lips. “He needs to eat.”
Hyunjin pretended to be deeply focused on his sketch, adding more details to the doodle, a small, round chick beginning to take shape in the corner of the page. He didn’t look up, afraid his expression might give away too much. The cafeteria noise faded into the background: trays clattering, friends laughing at nearby tables, someone calling out across the room. None of it mattered as much as the steady warmth of Felix beside him and the quiet, impossible longing that had almost become part of his breathing.
He kept drawing, letting the pencil capture fragments of light and shadow. Every skipped meal, every saved coin, every secret glance he stole when Felix wasn’t looking, it was all for that one moment next week. He would hand over the plush, watch Felix’s eyes light up, and maybe, for just a second, feel like he was enough.
Even if he knew deep down that hoping was dangerous. Even if he knew the world had already decided who Felix belonged with.
Still, when Felix offered him one more piece of food, Hyunjin took it, letting the small happiness settle beside the ache. For now, it was enough. It had to be.
˗ˏˋ 🍓♡🥟 ˎˊ˗
Afternoon classes eventually gave way to club activities. Hyunjin made his way to the art room, the scent of oil paint and turpentine wrapping around him like an old friend the moment he stepped inside. The space was quiet today, only a few other students scattered around working on their own projects. He set up his canvas on an easel near the window, sunlight pouring across the surface in soft, golden strokes.
He picked up his brush and lost himself in the motion. Broad strokes first, then finer details, layering colours that shifted and blended under his hand. A landscape was slowly taking shape, rolling hills under a sky, light breaking through clouds in ways that felt almost alive. As he worked, his mind wandered to the one person whose opinion always mattered most.
Felix.
Felix always complimented his paintings. Every single time. Whether it was a quick sketch in his notebook or something more serious like this, Felix would lean in close, eyes wide and sincere, and say something like, It feels like I can step right into it, Jinnie, or How do you make the light look so warm? The words never failed to make something bright and warm bloom in Hyunjin’s chest. He lit up from the inside whenever Felix looked at his work like that; like it was something precious, something worth noticing.
Hyunjin’s brush paused mid-stroke, a small smile tugging at his lips. Even now, just thinking about it made his heart feel a little lighter. Felix had that effect on him. Always had.
His thoughts drifted further as he continued painting, the flow of the brush pulling memories to the surface. The way Felix had fed him at lunch today. The way he always noticed when Hyunjin skipped meals. It reminded Hyunjin of simpler times, when everything between them was smaller, softer, and far less complicated.
The playground behind their old elementary school was bathed in warm afternoon light. Six-year-old Felix sat on the ground near the slide, tiny hands clenched in his lap as fat tears rolled down his round cheeks. His hair was messy, and his lower lip trembled. A scraped knee peeked out from under his shorts, the result of an unfortunate tumble
“Jinnie…” he sniffled, voice small and wobbly, the slight lisp he still had back then turning the name into something even softer. “It hurts…”
Seven-year-old Hyunjin was crouching in front of him, clutching a slightly crumpled yellow flower he had plucked from the grass nearby. His own hair was longer than most boys his age, falling into his eyes as he crouched down more. His uniform was already dirty at the knees from playing, but he didn’t care. All he saw was Felix crying, and that was unacceptable
“Don’t cry, Lixie,” little Hyunjin said earnestly, holding the flower out with both hands like it was the most important thing in the world. “Here. Flowers make things better. My mom said so.”
Felix wiped at his tears with the back of his hand, leaving a dirty smudge on his cheek. He stared at the flower with wide, watery eyes before carefully taking it. “Really?”
“Really,” Hyunjin nodded, puffing his chest out a little. “And if it still hurts, I’ll stay with you. We can draw together later. I’ll draw you a dragon. Dragons are cool and they protect people.”
A tiny smile broke through Felix’s tears. He held the flower close to his chest as if it were treasure. “Thank you, Jinnie. You’re the best.”
Later that same day, Hyunjin had peeked into Felix’s room while their moms were talking. Felix was sitting at his small desk, carefully pressing the yellow flower between the pages of his favourite picture book. He smoothed the pages gently, tongue poking out in concentration, then closed the book with great care.
Hyunjin had felt an odd sense of pride then, even at seven. Felix kept the flower. He didn’t throw it away like other kids might. He was always like that, kind in the quietest and most sincere ways. Even as a tiny boy, Felix had a gentleness that made people want to stay close.
Hyunjin remembered how they had spent the rest of that afternoon sitting on the floor of Felix’s room, drawing together. Hyunjin’s dragon had been messy and over the top, while Felix had drawn a smaller, smiling version beside it. They had laughed about nothing in particular, innocent and carefree, the kind of happiness only children could have before the world started adding weight to everything.
Hyunjin’s brush moved slower across the canvas, a soft ache settling behind his ribs. Felix had kept that flower. Years later, when they were older, Hyunjin had seen the dried, flattened petals still tucked inside that same book. Felix had been embarrassed when caught, but he hadn’t thrown it away.
That was Felix, still the same kind and gentle Felix. The type of person who held onto small things because they mattered.
Hyunjin blinked, pulling himself back to the art room. The painting in front of him had gained new depth while his mind wandered; warmer tones, softer light. He wondered if Felix would like it. He always did though.
He smiled faintly to himself and kept painting, heart full of memories that only made the present longing sharper.
Hyunjin was thirteen the summer everything quietly shifted inside him.
It was one of those long, lazy July afternoons where the sun hung heavy in the sky and the air felt thick with heat and the distant sound of cicadas. The three of them; Hyunjin, Sam, and Felix; had claimed the old treehouse in the park near their neighbourhood as their secret base for the holidays. Sam had brought books, of course, spreading them out on the wooden floor like a miniature study hall. Hyunjin had his sketchbook and a box of coloured pencils he’d begged his mom to buy. And Felix, Felix had brought snacks and that bright, endless energy that made everything feel more alive.
For his age, Felix was still small, with round cheeks and big brown eyes that seemed to take in the whole world with quiet wonder. His brown hair was always a little messy, sticking up in the back no matter how many times his mom tried to comb it down. He had that slight lisp that hadn’t completely disappeared yet, and when he got excited, his words would tumble out in that soft, sweet way that made Hyunjin’s chest feel strangely tight.
They had been playing for hours, climbing trees, chasing each other around the park, and eventually retreating to the treehouse when the heat became too much. Sam was lying on his stomach, nose buried in a book about dinosaurs, occasionally reading facts out loud to the other two. Hyunjin was sprawled against the wooden wall, sketchbook balanced on his knees, drawing the view from the treehouse window.
Felix sat cross-legged right beside him, close enough that their bodies touched. He was humming under his breath, a little off key melody that Hyunjin had heard a hundred times before, while carefully sorting through a bag of candies he had brought to share.
“Jinnie,” Felix said suddenly, holding out a strawberry flavoured one. “This one’s for you. It’s your favourite, right?”
Hyunjin looked up from his drawing, and something in his chest did a strange little flip. Felix was smiling at him that bright, genuine smile where the corners of his eyes crinkled first. His cheeks were slightly flushed from running around earlier, and there was a tiny smear of chocolate on the corner of his mouth. He looked so cute. So impossibly cute that Hyunjin had to quickly look back down at his sketchbook before his face could betray him, his ears feeling warm.
“Yeah,” Hyunjin mumbled, accepting the candy. “Thanks, Lixie.”
Felix beamed and scooted even closer, peering over Hyunjin’s shoulder to watch him draw. “Wow.... that looks really pretty. Is that the park? You even drew the flowers by the bench. How do you make them look so soft Jinnie?”
Hyunjin’s pencil stilled because Felix’s breath was warm against his shoulder, and his voice held such open admiration that it made Hyunjin feel both proud and strangely shy. No one else looked at his drawings the way Felix did. Sam would say they were good in that calm, factual way of his, but Felix made it feel like magic.
“It’s nothing special,” Hyunjin said, even as he added a few more delicate petals to the flowers, suddenly wanting them to be perfect. “I just..... draw what I see.”
“But you see things differently,” Felix replied softly. He rested his chin on Hyunjin’s shoulder, completely comfortable, completely unaware of the way Hyunjin’s heart was starting to race. “Everything looks prettier when you draw it. Like the world is softer.”
Hyunjin swallowed hard. He could feel the warmth of Felix’s cheek against his shoulder, the faint scent of strawberry candy and sunshine on his skin. For the first time, he became hyper aware of how close they were. It made his heart beat a little faster, though he didn’t understand why.
The afternoon stretched on in a golden haze. Sam eventually went down to get more drinks from the vending machine near the park entrance, leaving the two of them alone in the treehouse. Felix stayed right where he was, watching Hyunjin draw, occasionally pointing out little details he liked.
When Hyunjin started drawing a small figure under the tree, a tiny version of Felix with messy hair and a big smile, Felix let out a delighted gasp.
“Is that me?” he asked, eyes wide and sparkling.
Hyunjin felt his ears burn. “Yeah.... I mean, if you want. You look happy today.”
Felix’s whole face lit up. He leaned in and hugged Hyunjin tightly, arms wrapping around his neck without hesitation. “I love it, Jinnie!” he said, voice muffled and happy. “You’re the best. I’m going to keep this forever.”
Hyunjin froze for a second. Felix’s hug felt….. different today.
He had hugged Felix hundreds of times before. When they were smaller, when Felix fell and cried, when they won games together, when they said goodbye at the end of playdates. Hugs had always been normal, comfortable and just something they did.
But today, with Felix’s small arms around his neck and his warm cheek pressed against his shoulder, something felt new. His heart was beating too fast. His stomach felt fluttery and strange. His skin tingled where Felix touched him. He didn’t understand it.
He hugged Felix back carefully, one hand gently patting his back like he always did. Felix was so small in his arms, so warm and trusting. His heart did something complicated, a mix of protectiveness, affection, and a new, fluttering feeling he didn’t have a name for yet. He wanted to keep Felix safe. He wanted to make him smile like this every day. He wanted more.
“It’s just a drawing,” he whispered, voice a little shaky. “I’ll draw you more if you want.”
Felix pulled back with the brightest smile, eyes still sparkling. “Really? Promise?”
“Promise.”
When Sam returned, they continued playing like nothing had changed. But for Hyunjin, something had.
They finally climbed down from the treehouse as the sun began to set, Felix insisted on holding Hyunjin’s hand on the whole way home, So we don’t get lost he said cutely, even though they knew the path perfectly.
His small fingers fit perfectly in Hyunjin’s, swinging between them as they walked. Hyunjin kept sneaking glances at him; at the way Felix swung their hands, at the way he kicked pebbles with his sneakers, at the way he looked so happy just walking beside him. That fluttery feeling stayed with him the entire walk. Sam walked a few steps ahead, occasionally glancing back at them, a responsible older brother.
That night, lying in his bed with the window open to let in the cool evening breeze, Hyunjin couldn’t stop thinking about it. About Felix’s bright eyes when he looked at his drawings. About how his heart had felt too big for his chest the entire afternoon.
He kept remembering the hug. The way it felt different. Warmer. Special. He had never felt anything like that from a hug before. It confused him. Felix was his best friend, Sam’s best friend too. They had always been close. So why today? Why did his heart race when Felix hugged him? Why did he want to draw Felix more than anything else?
He rolled over and pulled out his sketchbook again, flipping to the page with the little drawing of Felix. He added more details carefully; the crinkle of his eyes, the smudge of chocolate on his cheek. For the first time, Hyunjin realized he didn’t just like drawing Felix because he was fun to draw.
He liked drawing him because looking at Felix made him feel warm and safe inside. Happy in a way that was different from how he felt with anyone else; even Sam.
He closed the sketchbook and hugged it to his chest, staring up at the ceiling with wide eyes.
He didn’t have the words for it yet. He was only thirteen, after all. Love was something in movies and his parents’ kisses, not something that happened in a treehouse on a hot summer day with candy and drawings. But somewhere in that golden summer afternoon, with candy stained fingers and a treehouse full of laughter, thirteen-year-old Hyunjin, confused and warm and a little scared, had no idea he had just begun falling in love with his best friend.
Hyunjin blinked, the memory of that summer afternoon fading slowly as the familiar scent of oil paint and turpentine pulled him back to the present. His brush hovered over the canvas, a soft smile still lingering on his lips. He shook his head lightly, blonde hair falling over one shoulder, and dipped the brush back into the warm golden paint. The flashback had come out of nowhere, but it left a gentle ache in his chest, the one that always appeared whenever he remembered how long he had been carrying these feelings.
He was so lost in thought that he didn’t notice the soft footsteps until a familiar voice spoke right beside him.
“Jinnie, that looks really pretty already. Can I see it better?”
Hyunjin turned his head, heart giving a small, familiar jump. Felix stood there, backpack slung over one shoulder. His school uniform blazer was a little loose, and he had that soft, gentle expression he always wore when he came to the art room. He must have finished his own club activities early.
Hyunjin quickly turned the easel away, shielding the canvas with his body. “No. Not yet. It’s not finished.”
Felix’s eyes sparkled with curiosity. “Just a little peek? Please?”
“No,” Hyunjin said firmly, though he started grinning.
Felix pouted for all of two seconds before deciding words clearly weren't going to work. With a glint in his eyes, he casually took a step toward the left side of the easel, only for Hyunjin to shift just as quickly, blocking his path without missing a beat. Felix tried the other side instead. Again, Hyunjin mirrored him perfectly, earning an amused huff.
A laugh escaped Felix as he suddenly darted forward, hoping to catch him off guard, but Hyunjin reacted just in time, sidestepping into his way. Before long, they were weaving around the easel in uneven circles, Felix trying every opportunity to slip past while Hyunjin matched every move, turning with him, shuffling backward when he had to, never letting the canvas leave his shield.
"Come on, just one look!" Felix pleaded, laughing as he feinted one way before quickly changing direction. For the briefest moment it looked as though he might actually make it, but Hyunjin reached the easel first, nearly tripping over his own feet in the process.
With an exaggerated gasp, he threw himself over the canvas, arms spread wide like a human shield. "Never! You'll have to go through me first!" he declared, trying to sound heroic despite laughing so hard he could barely stay balanced. Felix could only shake his head, giggling as he gave up for the moment, convinced Hyunjin would guard that painting with his life.
Felix was laughing so hard he could barely breathe, "Fine," he muttered. "I give up," a defeated sigh escaping him.
Hyunjin eyed him suspiciously. "Really?"
"Mhm."
"You aren’t lying?"
Felix only smiled, lifting both hands in surrender before taking an innocent step backward.
And for a second, just a second, Hyunjin believed him. It was all the opening Felix needed. He spun on his heel and darted around the opposite side of the easel so quickly that Hyunjin's brain barely had time to catch up.
"Yah-!"
Hyunjin lunged after him, but he was a heartbeat too late. Felix had already stopped in front of the canvas.
Hyunjin slowed to a stop beside him, suddenly very aware of the paint still smudged across his fingers and the uneven brushstrokes he'd spent weeks criticizing. His pulse, which had been racing from chasing Felix around the room, now hammered for an entirely different reason.
He wished, not for the first time, that he'd waited until it was finished.
Felix didn't speak right away. His eyes wandered slowly across the canvas, taking in every detail with the same attention he gave to books he loved and songs he wanted to remember. The playful grin that had been on his face moments earlier softened into something gentler, something almost impossibly warm.
"It's beautiful," he whispered.
Hyunjin let out a small, disbelieving laugh, rubbing the back of his neck.
"It isn't finished."
Felix turned toward him then, his smile small but genuine.
"I still think it's beautiful."
Hyunjin could only look at him. He had spent days picking apart every brushstroke, noticing every tiny flaw, every place where the colours didn't blend quite right. Yet Felix stood there as if none of that mattered. As if all he could see was the painting Hyunjin had been trying so hard to create. And something warm settled quietly in Hyunjin's chest, replacing the nervousness that had been there moments before.
He looked away first, unable to hide the smile tugging at his lips, and lowered himself back onto the stool in front of the easel.
“You like everything I paint,” Hyunjin said, unable to hide the happy lilt in his voice.
Felix smiled brightly, eyes crinkling. “Of course I do. I like watching you paint.” He pulled up a stool and sat right next to Hyunjin, close enough for Hyunjin to lose his mind. “Is it okay if I stay? I won’t bother you. Again.”
“You never bother me,” Hyunjin replied softly, already feeling warmer just from Felix being there. He turned back to the canvas, but his focus was split now; half on the painting, half on the boy beside him.
Felix went quiet for a while, simply watching. His gaze was patient and full of quiet admiration as Hyunjin layered soft strokes of light across the sky in his landscape. After a few minutes, Felix spoke again, voice gentle and curious.
“Why do you make the clouds like that? They look so soft. Like you could touch them.”
Hyunjin’s brush paused. He glanced sideways at Felix, who was leaning in slightly, eyes wide with genuine interest. The way Felix asked, so innocent and so full of wonder, always made something tender bloom in Hyunjin’s chest.
“I guess I want them to feel real,” Hyunjin explained, voice quieter than usual. “Like if you looked up at the sky, you’d want to lie down in the grass and watch them move.”
Felix nodded slowly, a small smile playing on his lips. “I like that. You always make things feel safe. Like the world in your paintings is kinder than real life.”
Hyunjin felt his ears grow warm. He kept painting, but his heart was beating a little faster. Felix said things like this sometimes; sweet, sincere things that made Hyunjin feel seen in a way no one else did. It always left him feeling warm all over, like sunshine settling inside his ribs.
So, when Felix leaned even closer to watch him blend colours, shoulder pressing warmly against his, Hyunjin couldn’t help falling a little more.
“You’re really talented, Jinnie,” Felix continued softly, almost to himself. “I could watch you do this forever.”
Hyunjin’s hand trembled slightly on the brush. He swallowed, trying to keep his voice light. “You’re exaggerating. It’s just a hobby.”
Felix shook his head; eyes still fixed on the canvas. “It’s not. When you paint, you look really happy. Your eyes get like all focused and sparkly. I like seeing you like that.” He paused, then added even more quietly, “I always feel lucky when I get to watch.”
Hyunjin’s heart stuttered again. The words were so gentle, so full of quiet affection, that they wrapped around him like a warm blanket. He felt himself falling a little deeper again; the same way he had in that treehouse years ago. Felix had no idea what he was doing to him. These small compliments, the way he chose to sit so close, the way he always came to the art room just to watch, it all felt too good. Too much like hope.
Felix simply watched in comfortable silence. Then gradually he started talking, soft, rambling, the way he always did when they were alone.
“You won’t believe what happened in literature club today,” Felix began, leaning closer. “Minji kept complaining that the teacher is playing favourites with Sam again. She said, It’s not fair that Sam always gets the best discussion points. I felt so bad because I know she worked really hard on her presentation, but she does talk really fast when she’s nervous.”
Hyunjin chuckled softly, eyes still on his painting. “She does. Remember last month when she tried to explain something and ended up mixing up three different books?”
Felix laughed, that bright, squeaky sound. “Exactly! I wanted to help her but I didn’t want to embarrass her. Sometimes I wish people were just kinder about these things.”
And the way Felix said it, so genuinely concerned for others, made Hyunjin like him a little more. He had always loved this side of Felix where he noticed small injustices and cared so deeply about people, even when it wasn’t his problem.
Felix leaned in very close, watching Hyunjin blend colours.
“Why do you always make the light look so warm Jinnie?” he asked softly. “It feels like- like a hug from the sky.”
Hyunjin swallowed, trying to keep his voice steady. “I guess I like when things feel comforting. Safe.”
Felix hummed thoughtfully. “You make everything feel safe, Jinnie.”
The sincerity in Felix’s voice always made Hyunjin’s chest ache with longing. He loved how Felix could say things like that so easily, like breathing. It made him want to be better. Want to deserve those words.
Felix suddenly reached out and gently fixed a strand of Hyunjin’s long blonde hair that had fallen in front of his eyes.
His long hair had been bothering him for the past twenty minutes, strands constantly falling forward and getting in the way of his vision. He kept pushing them back impatiently with the back of his hand, but they refused to stay put.
“Jinnie,” he said gently, “your hair keeps bothering you, doesn’t it? Let me tie it for you.”
Hyunjin turned to him, surprised. “It’s okay, I can-”
“Please?” Felix’s eyes were soft and hopeful. “I want to help.”
How could he say no to that face?
Hyunjin nodded, setting his brush down. Felix stood up and moved behind him. Gentle fingers gathered his long blonde hair, carefully sweeping it back from his face. Hyunjin could feel the light touch of Felix’s fingertips against his neck and scalp, sending small shivers down his spine. Felix worked slowly, almost tenderly, tying the hair into a neat ponytail with the hair tie he always carried on his wrist.
“There,” Felix whispered, voice close to his ear. “Now you can see better. You look really nice like this too.”
Hyunjin’s heart was racing. The casual care in Felix’s actions, the soft compliment, it all felt too much sometimes. Too intimate. He turned slightly, catching Felix’s warm gaze.
“Thank you, Lix,” he murmured, voice a little rough. “You didn’t have to.”
Felix smiled shyly, cheeks a little pink. “I like doing things for you.”
And Hyunjin felt himself falling again, harder this time. Every small moment like this chipped away at his defences. The way Felix gossiped with him, complained to him, helped him without being asked. The way he chose to spend his free time here, watching paint dry just to be close.
They continued talking as Hyunjin returned to his painting. Felix shared more stories like how he accidentally spilled juice on his notes earlier. Every word made Hyunjin fall a little more.
The art room had grown quieter; most students had already gone though there were only a few ones. Hyunjin finally set his brush down with a satisfied sigh and stretched his arms.
They stayed like that for a long time. Felix asking soft, innocent questions every now and then Why did you choose that shade of blue? or Do you ever paint real people? and Hyunjin answering patiently, voice warm. Every time Felix laughed softly at something he said, or leaned in closer to see better, Hyunjin felt himself slipping further.
The art room slowly emptied as other students left for the day. The light outside began to shift into softer oranges and pinks. Hyunjin finally set his brush down, stretching his arms above his head with a satisfied sigh.
“It’s getting dark,” he said, glancing toward the window. “We should probably head home soon.”
Felix looked a little disappointed but nodded. “Yeah but can I see the painting one more time?”
Hyunjin turned the easel slightly so Felix could see it better. Felix stared at it for a long moment, eyes soft.
“It’s beautiful, Jinnie,” he whispered. “It feels like a place I’d want to stay forever with you.”
Hyunjin’s heart skipped several beats. The warmth in his chest was almost overwhelming. Felix said things like that sometimes. Things that sounded almost like- but no. It was just Felix being Felix. He probably said similar things to Sam too.
Hyunjin pushed the thought away and offered Felix his brightest, most mischievous smile to hide the storm inside.
“Come on, Lix. Let’s go home before your mom worries.”
Felix stood up reluctantly, but stayed close as they packed up Hyunjin’s supplies together. Hyunjin cleaned his brushes, and packed them up.
They finally left the art room and stepped into the cooling evening air, Felix walked right beside him, matching with every step. Hyunjin glanced at him from the corner of his eye, heart full and aching at the same time.
The sky had deepened into soft purples and oranges, and the first streetlights were flickering on along the quiet residential street. He felt a quiet contentment settle over him as they began walking side by side. Felix stayed close. The ponytail Felix had tied for him swayed gently with each movement. For a little while, everything felt perfect.
Hyunjin was enjoying himself more than he probably should have. The way Felix had come to the art room just to watch him paint, the soft conversations they had shared, the gentle way Felix’s fingers had worked through his hair earlier; it all left him feeling warm and hopeful, even if he knew he shouldn’t let himself get carried away.
“You know,” Felix said after a few minutes of comfortable silence, his voice soft and thoughtful, “sometimes I wish I could be as free as you when you paint. You get so lost in it, like nothing else matters. I feel like that sometimes when I’m with certain people like the world gets quieter and nicer.”
The words, for Hyunjin, felt deeply relatable. That feeling of losing yourself completely in something you loved, of finding peace with the right person. For a second, Hyunjin’s heart lifted and he almost let himself believe Felix was talking about him. But then reality crept in. Of course he meant Sam. Steady, reliable Sam. The one who made everything feel easier.
Hyunjin forced a small smile, trying to keep his voice light. “Yeah, Sam’s pretty easy to be around like that, huh?”
Felix blinked, looking slightly confused for a moment, but then he simply hummed softly and kept walking.
The warmth Hyunjin had been carrying from the art room slowly faded, replaced by that familiar dull ache. Even after all these years, it still hurt to be reminded how naturally people, including Felix, seemed to picture him with Sam.
Felix walked a little closer than usual. His steps seemed slower, and when Hyunjin glanced over, Felix’s expression looked quieter. His fingers fidgeted with the strap of his backpack, and he kept stealing small glances at Hyunjin.
“Jinnie…. are you okay?” Felix asked gently after a while. “You got really quiet all of a sudden.”
Hyunjin hated that he had caused that worried tone. He quickly shook his head and tried to smile more convincingly.
“I’m fine. Just tired from painting, I guess.”
Felix didn’t look entirely convinced, but he nodded and stayed close. They continued walking, falling into lighter conversation about small things. Felix told him about Minji stressing over her literature presentation again, about Jihoon dramatically complaining about the cafeteria rice. Hyunjin listened and responded, but the earlier sadness lingered in the background like a shadow.
Every now and then, Felix would point out little things on their walk, a cat sitting proudly on someone’s garden wall, flowers blooming near a gate, or the way the streetlights made pretty patterns on the sidewalk. Hyunjin nodded along, enjoying the sound of Felix’s voice, but he couldn’t fully shake the quiet ache that had returned.
“You know what I realized today?” Felix said suddenly, his tone gentle. “Even on days when everything feels messy, walking home with you makes it better. It always has.”
Hyunjin wanted desperately to believe Felix meant them the way he hoped. But the earlier reminder was still fresh. He smiled anyway, trying to hide how much it affected him.
“You’re too nice to me, Lix.”
Felix shook his head, eyes soft. “I’m not. I mean it.”
They kept walking, talking about random little things again. Felix’s voice stayed softer than usual, like he was trying to keep the conversation alive and comfortable for both of them. Hyunjin appreciated it more than he could say.
Eventually, they reached Felix’s house. The lights were on inside, and the faint smell of dinner was already drifting out from the kitchen window. They stopped at the front gate, facing each other under the soft glow of the streetlamp.
Hyunjin didn’t want the evening to end. Even with the little sadness still sitting in his chest, being with Felix always felt like the best part of his day.
“Thanks for coming to the art room today again,” Hyunjin said quietly, reaching up to touch the ponytail Felix had tied for him. “And for this. It helped a lot.”
Felix looked up at him, brown eyes warm in the lamplight. He stepped a little closer.
“I like taking care of you,” Felix murmured. “Even if it’s just tying your hair or bringing you snacks or just being there. I always want to be there for you, Jinnie.”
Hyunjin forced a soft smile and reached out to gently ruffle Felix’s hair the way he had done since they were kids.
“You’re the best, Lix. Get some rest, okay? Don’t stay up too late thinking about math homework.”
Felix let out a quiet laugh, though his eyes still looked a little sad as he nodded. “You too. Don’t forget to eat something when you get home.”
They stood there for a few more seconds, neither wanting to be the first to move. Then Felix stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Hyunjin in a tight hug. Hyunjin hugged him back immediately, breathing in the familiar coconut scent of his hair and letting himself hold on for just a little longer than necessary.
“Goodnight, Jinnie,” Felix whispered against his shoulder.
“Goodnight, Lix.”
Felix pulled back slowly, offering one last small smile before turning toward his house. Hyunjin waited by the gate until Felix was safely inside, watching the door close behind him.
He stood there alone for a moment longer, fingers absently touching the ponytail Felix had tied earlier. His heart felt full and heavy at the same time.
He was falling a little more every single day.
And some days, it felt like the most beautiful and painful thing in the world.
˗ˏˋ 🍓♡🥟 ˎˊ˗