Chapter Text
Travis found himself knees on the dusty wooden floors of the Nockfell Public Library. Back arched forward, leaning over a thick book. Page by page, he grew interested in how deep and connected the romance was, invested in how well they loved one another, without realizing that the two lovers in question are both boys. Curious, he walks to the register and checks out the book to finish at home.
As he walks through town with pride in his feet, he thinks about how he would feel; being able to be loved in such a way as the book describes. These are al fantasies, of course. But he wonders. He wonders who he could have such a connection with and draws a blank. He has no friends, really. It‘s pathetic. Being the town Priests son and having zero companions? Borrrring.
He areives home and juggles his keys in his hands before unlocking his door and gliding inside. His father is the first to notice. Anger flashing on his face before a breath can come out of Travis‘s mouth.
„Where the fuck were you? You think you can just come home and hour later and expect me not to care? Who knows??- Maybe you could’ve been fucking around with that fag Sal at school. Shit would get messy if you pulled that. Don’t you tell me you are under that disgusting spell, son.“
On the verge of tears, he spoke, „No father. I was at the library and lost track of time. I apologize.“
„Oh really? Lets see it then.“
His father rips open Travis‘s backpack to find a book with a comic strip bookmark placed in the center. He glanced at the cover and for a moment from the corner of his eye Travis paused.
„What’s got you so nervous, huh? Scared I light find some fairy shit?“
He shakes his head. He notices the cover and his heart sinks, it’s a silhouette of two men. Men.
His father notices the cover and Travis‘s brain screams. He has felt fear of everyone before him but this, this is a different type of fear. One he had never felt before. One that pulsed his organs like he hadn’t eaten for days. One that hurt.
„What the fuck is this.?“
The room went silent. Any move, any breath, any heartbeat, anything, could be heard.
„Answer me fucker! What is this shit!?“
„I didn’t know they were boys! Im sorry!“
„Don’t fucking play that game with me! Do you really think at that stupid?!? Huh?!“
Tears began to fall from Travis‘s cheeks, hot, and painful.
His father grabs a chunk of Travis‘s hair and slams the side of his head against the wall, leaving cracks. His legs went to jello while his father threw him around like a ragdoll. Blood spilled from his nose and mouth. His tongue busted open and his mouth pooled with blood under his tongue. he spattered the red substance out of is mouth across the flimsy pages of what he thought was just a simple love story.
„No son of mine will be reading bullshit like this! Have you no shame? You have a reputation to uphold and you can’t even do that?! Fuck you!“
Travis crumpled into a ball as his father screamed. The book came rushing at Travis’s head and it hurt. It hurt bad. His father stormed out of the room and the faint sound of the front door opening and the loud slamming sound was heard. He could barely stand. Blood dripped from his mouth and hairline, ruining his white shirt.
He dragged himself to the bathroom, getting a clear view of the mess he had become. His head pounded in rage and disappointment. Tears poured from his eyes, dripping into the sink below. His reflection became hazy through his warery vision. Travis wondered why he hadn’t sropped himself sooner. Anger flooded him. His fist panged through the mirror in front of him. Glass shattered everywhere. His fist marked with uncountable incisions. He broke down, slamming himself onto the bathroom floor with his head in his bloody hands. His mouth tasted of pennies and not one inch of his soul felt at peace. Travis took the opportunity to fix himself; Unclothing himself and sluggishly stepping into the shower. The water washing off of him turned into a mean red. Snot and blood robbed him of breath intake through his nose. He felt himself swallow blood on every breath intake through his mouth. He was eternally fucked.
He exited the shower and treaded through the living room. Everything was in shambles, but that book. Travis bent down to pick up that stupid book he checked out. He walked back to his room before anything else could happen. Travis lied lifelessly on his bed, eyes deep in the book with blood on dvery other page, slowly realizing what he had actually done to himself. He was contradicting everything he was against. He bullied Sally and his friends for being gay when that’s really all he could think about; being gay. But in times such as these, he never thought of it as a bad thing or a sin, but as a difference, a change. Of course he always flushed these thoughts out of his mind. He sighed, sliding the book under his bed to prevent round two with his dad. Everything just had to be a secret.