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Periods are awful. You didn't need to have a PhD to know that. On top of that, the fact that he grew up with three women in the house leaves him with no other possible conclusions.
That damned cycle that literally made the inner walls of your uterus shed as in pill off and fall out of your body. That seemed horrific and unpleasant.
Which, to be fair, was just what it was.
Pain, random burst of emotion, crazy cravings that had once made him run under the rain to go to the nearest store because his sister wanted ice cream while it was ice cold outside, and much more 'trivials details'. All were put together onto the shoulders of a woman for a whole week. He learned that she had every right to ask a few things out of him, who didn't have to experience this kind of suffering.
The worst?
Women have the joyful ability to sync up their periods if they are exposed to each other for a certain amount of time. So, when three girls are constantly seeing each others you can only expect that kind of outcome.
Of course, his father being the useless piece of shit he always was, the responsibility of running errands, buyings endless stacks of all kind of sizes of pads and tampons, with wings or no, all that kind of stuff, had been thrown onto a young fifteen years old Ze, his sister starting her menstruation at just the ripe age of twelve.
It's that same responsibility that put him and this idiotic entity in this very place.
''I'm just saying, Subway is better than KFC man.'' the entity shrugged.
''What? No way, they get my order wrong every time-'' the other intercepted.
''Than maybe you're just a little bitch and they simply try to give you hints about it?'' the first one laughed.
''Ah. Ah, how hilarious, have you ever thought of getting into comedy?'' replied the avian, smacking the entity at the insult.
''Ow- I did actually, thank you very much. The owner of the bar just didn't see all of the underlying talent this wonderful head has'' he scoffed, as clearly Ze has strucked a nerve.
''Oh really now?'' he laughed at the other's indignation.
''Would you like ketchup with that?'' interrupted the MacDonald's cashier, looking as alive as a dead deer that you had run over multiple times.
''Yeah, make that three packets.'' answered Regect without missing a beat. ''I'll let you know that I have so much more talent than you, and you're just a little bitch, bitch boy-''
''Don't you dare call me that asshole.'' the avian pressed a finger in the visible half of he entity's chest.
''It's a bit too late dude, I already did. Thrice.'' he put his arms into a surrendering way, trying to put some physical distance between himself and the military man in front of him.
''I will shoot you in front of everyone.'' Ze started to draw his faithful semi automatic riffle from under his jacket, the same one he was threatening the entity with had given him back at the Christmas party.
''Dude we promised Moe we wouldn't cause trouble at her uncle's restaurant.'' Regect crossed his arms.
Ze grumbled and put back the gun under his jacket, mumbling that 'MacDonald is in no way or form a restaurant'.
Regect finished ordering, the cashier seemingly unbothered by the whole ordeal that just happened before them. The whole reason they were here in the first place was that Moe was on her period and craved some chicken nuggets. And so, being the great friends that they were, they came all the way to this decrepit place to get some. They were pretty sure the playground was haunted and that the staff was half dead and half wanting to be dead. Still, they took a seat somewhere in the meanwhile.
''God this place makes me want to kill myself.'' pointed out Ze.
''I can help with that.'' responded the entity, a grin visible.
''Go to hell.'' answered the avian.
''Oh, but you're asking so nicely, it would be my pleasure to send you back-''
''Don't. I'm kidding. Please.'' he was quick to add, a shiver running down his spine from his last experience in Regect's personal hell.
The entity laughed at that. They turned around, trying to find a new subject of discussion amongst the depressed clients and the dark, moldy walls surrounding them. However that attempt was to no avail and the two ended up sitting down in and awkward silence, watching the growing in real time mushrooms like it was the most interesting show that there was. Which, to be fair, in this place, probably was the less disgusting thing to happen.
''Dude, did you see that.'' and though Regect had no visible face, the amount of time the two spent together made it easy to recognise this tone as pure disgust.
''What now.'' the again twisted his neck to take a look at the kitchen part of the restaurant.
''There is no way you didn't see that radioactive light from the grill.''
''Well excuse me for not having eyes behind my head and a 360 vision-''
Then he saw it for himself.
That mother fucker was frying the nuggets into what looked like radioactive waste.
''Holy shit. Looks, uh...'' the entity pointed out.
''Lethal?'' the avian offered.
''Yeah.''
They only had to wait a few more minutes for their order to be called out from the register. Practically jumping, Regect grabbed the bag containing all their goods and threw the money in the cashier's general direction, disregarding if they were actually able to catch the stray bills. Ze apologised for them and ran out after the entity.
Once he caught up with the first one, he grabbed the bag and plunged his hand in it, rummaging like a dog searching for his lost bone he knew he had buried not too long ago. The amount of napkins that were stuffed in this paper bag was maddening, making it far more difficult than it should ever be to reach the single box of chicken nuggets.
Regect observed the scene, already confused.
''Why are we searching through Moe's order again?''
''Dude I don't trust Subway, how am I supposed to trust Macdonald to not to forget half of the food? Because I'm telling you if we're missing an item, we should ask for it now instead of going back home with half of the order you moron.''
He carefully opened the box and started counting each piece of junk food in there. Ze released his iron grip onto the box, as it was about to squash the bright yellow nuggets (they could only trust Moe's culinary decision on that), instead opting on putting it back into the endless pit of napkins that made barrier from the average outsider who dared to look into the bag.
Sadly for his olfactory senses, his nose was attacked by the strong smell of the specific oil (if one could even call it that) the employees used to fry about half of their menu with, despite the fact that he had already closed the box and shoved it back where it belonged. Regect snickered at the other's frown, only to be met with the cannon of the riffle they had only caught a glance at earlier.
''Hey, remember Moe's words-''
''The moment we get back home, I will, shoot you, you brat.
The two walked back home ina comfortable silence.
---
They had finally reached their home. It was genuinely insane what they had to go through to just go back. Completely and utterly maddening. It was almost as if all of the usual shenanigans they had to face together had accumulated only to now bother them.
Because what do you mean they had to replay the scene of Pompeii, help that fuck ass Captain Dirt go through the portal of the Caribbean (since when was there even one???) and help a revolution of chiken overthrow KFC in the span of just 3 hours?
Ze pushed the door open, obviously exhausted by the turns of events to a point he forgot his promise to the entity (which wasn't saying anything to betray himself) letting Regect slip by right after himself. He kicked his shoes off (as he had taken the habit of), and walked upstairs, the bag still in hand.
Somehow.
Somehow.
The nuggets hadn't suffered from the journey.
Maybe this was the reason why they dipped them into that green-yellow bloob in the first place. They were most likely indestructible by now. They could probably kill someone by just throwing a piece at them.
Once they were in front of Moe's room, Ze knocked thrice against the light wood of the door, patiently waiting to be allowed inside. However he didn't have to wait for long as he was met with a series of two honks that he apparently interpreted as an invitation to penetrate the habitat.
The whole place was completely dark, the windows having previously been carefully obstructed by nonother than himself. In the background a jukebox was weakly playing a song of The Living Tombstone that Regect thought he vaguely recognised (after spending so much time together, you inevitably learn at least some of the songs). Moe (whom had submerged herself in her many blankets on her her bed) had retired from her usual clown outfit and instead wore an ender dragon onesies Ptolemy had gave her a few weeks back. She didn't wear her usual makeup but her trusty horn remained at all time near her.
''Hey, you doing alright?'' asked Ze softly, taking a seat on the edge of her bed.
The clown nodded and shifted slightly to entirely uncover her face from the covers.
''We got the goods.'' the avian continued.
She reached over for her horn and squeezed it twice, the high noises filling the room, even over the music, as wordless thanks that they were already used to. Ze, in response, put down the box on her night stand.
Regect stepped forward until he was close enough to whisper in the clown's ear.
''If we're being honest the reason why we were late in entirely onto Ze.''
''I can hear you, you know?'' the avian in question frowned.
''I'm glad to know you still have ears, dumbass.''
Ze was close to abandon all education and civilization to just throw himself at the entity and punch the hell out of him. It wouldn't be the first time he would consider it, and definitely not the last. Before his brain could set himself into any actions, however, he heard a small chuckle from under the many blankets.
It was small but melodious, a laugh that broke with such honesty that it made him immediately think of what an angel would sound like. Most likely like this.
Even the greatest imbecile that there was (aka Regect), seemed to share the same thought.
Apparently self conscious of the attention that small crack had put on herself, Moe pulled the covers even more onto herself, making sure to hide her bright red cheeks.
Ze smiled at that, gently tapping onto the entity's shoulder, signaling that this was their cue to leave. Regect silently followed, not daring to disturb her any further.
The rest of the afternoon went by peacefully, the only notable occurrence being Regect magically turning the water off the shower extremely cold when Ze had been tried to wash away the rest of ashes that had been stuck on him for the past hours, which felt really gross. That only pushed the avian to put a shit tone of sugar if the entity's soup, snickering maliciously that he ''didn't do it on purpose'' and had ''simply mixed sugar and salt'' which caused an energetic arguement between the two, as the sugar and salt package weren't even remotely similar.
So, as spiteful as Regect was, he turned the other's soup into a block of ice that didn't melt when faced with heat. Ze then lost it, taking out a 9mm armed with rubber bullets (it has been agreed that real bullets caused too much damage inside the house) and emptied about a hundred of those.
Of course, Moe's soup was left untouched, perfectly salted and not iced.
As much as the two enjoyed entertaining their clown, they were themselves pretty tired from their own day. Once the dishes were done (why was Ze the only to do them, by the way?) they all climbed up the stairs to their respective rooms and wished each other goodnight.
---
Insomnia sucks.
Not being able to sleep sucks.
Especially when you're tired.
All that Ze could do was just stay there in bed, his mind drifting away from his own body in boredom.
No matter what he did, no matter how many sheep he counted (or any other animal, for that matter), no matter how many breathing exercises he did, how much relaxation music he blasted into his ears, his brain was simply too stubborn to even listen to itself.
That sucked, as well.
He was about to just bash his head against the wall until he inevitably fainted when he heard a soft click from Moe's room. Following was the noise of light flicking, then soft steps onto wooden floor.
The door to their shared bathroom opened, someone slipped inside and almost silently closed the doors as if worried that someone will hear them.
Totally not suspicious, of course.
Slightly alarmed, Ze rubbed his eyes rather harshly to bully what little fatigue he had left and stood up from his nest, uncaring to leave the cover all over. It took a few steps for him to find back his balance before he himself slipped out, walking the corridor until he was met with the bathroom.
Curious, he placed his ear onto the solid dark wood, listen intently.
Moe didn't usually wake up at night.
He knew that fact because he was there to not witness it.
Damn you insomnia.
But also, thank you insomnia.
Without you, the avian wouldn't have known about that weird incident.
He didn't hear water running.
Welp.
Let's just pray Moe wasn't taking a dump.
Ze slid a hand to the doorknob, feeling the cool metal beneath his own palm, though he felt a slight touch of warmth: the trail of the clown that had opened the door first. Gently, as if he was handling a small scared animal and didn't want to frighten it by suddenly bursting out of nowhere, he turned the metal, his hand following along passively.
The artificial light first blinded him. He squinted, tears threatening to fall out. Like the gentleman that he was, he closed the door when he felt the relief of knowing no one was on the toilets.
However, that relief was short lived when he saw Moe.
She was seated such that her back could rest against the tub and was gripping her lower stomach with an iron fist, it seemed. Her brow indicated that she was obviously displeased with her immediate situation, which was perfectly logical.
It didn't take a genius to put two and two together.
Seeing that she had been found out, she slightly held herself a bit tighter, as if trying to get away from the world itself. When she read the worry on his face, her cheeks brightened, her eyes closing and she pulled her legs further.
Ze took the few steps that were necessary to cross the cold bathroom tiles and settled onto the bare ground, right next to her. Close enough to to intrude her personal space, but nearer enough for him to have her fill all of his peripheral vision.
''Hey?'' he attempted at being casual, sleep still heavy in his voice.
He tried to catch her gaze, but it was clear that she was not willing to meet eyes with avian.
Was she ashamed?
Why would she ever be ashamed?
Sadly, the clown had forgotten her horn back in her room, seeing as she never though that she would have company at the dead of night on the bathroom's floor.
''Moe- I'm not mad.'' he leaned more into her, tried once more to find her gorgeous eyes.
It's only after a long battle of hide and seek with the clown that Ze was able to take a good look at her teary face.
Without thinking about it twice, he extended his arms to wrap them around Moe, careful to be gentle near her stomach and pulled her closer to him. He settled her against his chest, where she layed her head after releasing a soft sigh. He slid his fingers through her beautiful red locks, softly scratching at the delicate skin under before closing the gap and laying a comforting kiss at the top of her head.
It seemed that this was her last straw.
Tears started to fall one after an other, rolling onto her cheeks before landing on his shirt, but he didn't mind- clearly he had a more important matter at hand.
They both stayed like this for who knew how long. At some point, he managed to pull her onto his lap, hugging her closer while she shook lightly between his arms. His warmth was grounding. It felt good, against the pain. She nuzzled into his neck, searching after that small comfort.
''I'm guessing we are out of painkillers?'' he asked gently in her ear, continuing his ministrations in her hair.
She nodded against his skin, her nose tingling him softly. The avian under her sighed heavily, her own body following his movement without much thought.
''Should've known...''
His voice felt nice. His warmth felt nice -He remembered vaguely about him telling her once that avians had a higher body temperature than others-. His hug felt nice. Overall, Ze himself felt pretty nice.
More time passed, neither of them could ever guess how long, before Ze let go of her hair -thus being met with a little groan from the girl and letting out a chuckle- and instead wrapped his arms securely under her legs and back before managing to pull them upright and onto his feet.
Moe joined her hands behind his neck, her face finding its way back into his neck. He let them back to the clown's room and layed her onto her own bed with his utmost care. It took her a few seconds to realise she had to let go, which she did reluctantly.
''Stay here, I'll be back.'' he whispered, leaving her door slightly ajar before leaving.
He walked back to the bathroom to pull out a red heating pad. He walked out and turned off the light.
He went down the stairs into their kitchen, filling their kettle to the rim with water before heating it. While that happened, he took a glass from the cabinet and also filled it with water.
The avian turned on his heels and went back upstairs, this time aiming for the only door of the story that he hadn't been to yet.
Unbothered, he opened it without knocking.
By no one's surprise, Regect ''I don't need to sleep'' was there, snoring away into the night, comfortably settled between three layers of blankets and still shivering a bit.
Without much ceremony, Ze emptied the glass onto the entity, causing his prompt as wakening.
He seemed completely lost, wildly looking around himself in the dark.
Which was fair, of course, and Ze had just thrown water at him.
''Welcome back to the world of the living.'' he said with jazz hands, ''We're having a sleepover.'' he stated like there was no arguing with hat fact.
''Uh-''
''Come on, we don't have all night.''
''Dude, you're such a jerk-''
''Yeah yeah, get into Moe's room.'' the avian ordered, already going out the door.
He heard the entity grumble and curse, but he still got out of the room with his pillow under his arm.
When he passed in front of Ze, he pulled his tongue at the avian and was met back with the same gesture.
When Ze heard the kettle whistling, he went doing to cut the heat and pour the burning out liquid into the heating pad, watching it inflate slowly. He discarded the boiler aside, leaving it for a future Ze to deal with some other time.
When he pushed Moe's door open, he noticed that both the entity and the clown were already snuggling, the latter clearly glad for the additional warmth that the other gave her and didn't hesitate to press her face against the fluff of Regect's chest.
Ze joined them, pressing against Moe's back. Even if they were in a two person bed, they were still slightly cramped in there (which in insight was a fitting choice of word). He slid the heating pad to her front, right onto her stomach.
She first flinched at the new warmth but quickly recovered, clearly pleased.
''I still can't believe that you ate those- we can't even call them chicken nuggets, those were nasty'' the entity complained. ''You didn't see was they were fried into that was toxic stuff.''
That company only caused a soft chuckle from the clown, which only made the entity shut up, visibly take aback by the melodious sound.
He shot a look at Ze, who was smiling like an idiot at the interaction, and they didn't need to exchange words to know that this was the sound that they wanted to hear everyday from now on.
They continued to talk about nothing and everything for a few more minutes before they noticed that Moe had finally fallen asleep, a peaceful expression on her face.
Regect was sabout to yap about who knew what when Ze reached an arm and scratched in a place Regect was weak, somewhere behind his invisible head and near his neck, causing the other's breath to shudder and both of his hands to shot up to his to keep it there.
It didn't take him long either to fall into the realm of slumber, tail drumming against the mattress. Ze only stopped when he was absolutely certain that the other was in a deep sleep before finally joining the others into a peaceful rest, not bothering pulling back his arm from where it was.
Periods were awful, yes, but times like these weren't too bad, in retrospective.