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“MARCELINE! UGH! YOU BUTT!”
I smirked.
I stayed where I was, lounging on my mattress staring at the ceiling.
If I thought about it, I must’ve spent at least the equivalent of one human life staring at a ceiling, thinking or wasting time. There was little more to do when one was immortal.
I heard the suspensefully slow stomp of a pink princess I know so well.
Bubblegum came over periodically these days to my glorified shack in the echo-ey cave that my home consisted of to do her “laundry”. This was a practice she found little delight in performing herself until recently, mostly because she found other things or, rather, sexy vampires she could also be ‘doing’ in the same location.
She does, however, actually do her laundry here, owing to Peppermint Butler’s odd senses and sneaking suspicions about her engagements and so the sweet lady climbed the ladder to my loft.
her hair fizzled with static, her face more red than pink, “MARCELINE TABATHA ABADEER.”
I smiled right at her as she dumped a bundle of clean laundry on the carpet at her feet.
It was all tinted pink.
“Hey Bonnie,” I managed nonchalantly, “You shouldn’t dump your clean laundry on the floor, it’s time of cleanliness is pretty dated. I’d say it’s been about 50 years.”
She approached the bed, calming herself to mere judgmental scrutiny of my lazy lounging.
“You Fanged fraternizing BUTT! This is about the fifth time you’ve poisoned my whites with red to appease your appetite.”
“Oh, my sweet candy lady, how dare you suggest I’d do such a thing for my own personal needs, it is in fact wildly more complex than that, you see...” I said floating up so that our faces were inches from one another.
“Yes?” she said, still stoney despite my advances.
“I only spoil your wash so that I can seduce you.”
She raised her eyebrows and a smirk sliced through her rage. She wasn’t expecting such a response.
“Oh really? And how do you expect to do that Mrs. Robinson?”
I floated over to the pile of laundry, bringing it over to my bed.
“Well, I know that you’re actually not mad at me.”
“Oh really.”
“Yes. Because I can fix every little piece of clothing in this pile with my flawless vampirism.”
“Oh? And how shall I explain the holes from your teeth in every white garment I own to Peppermint Butler?”
“Oh, I don’t know... tell him...”
Here I half-push half-carry my girlfriend onto the steaming pile of freshly dried clothing.
“...that I ravished you in every item of clothing and bit the cloth to avoid producing white blotches all over your neck, ears, bre--”
“I’m sure he’ll be thrilled, “she joked, rolling her eyes at me,“You goofy vampire.”
“Or perhaps tell him I require a uniform for my faithful servants.”
She gawked at my joke, still smiling, “How dare you be so naughty as to call me your servant!” she tried to tickle me, failing as usual.
“Oh I can be very naughty,” I kissed her, hungrily, a gesture she responded to with fervor.
“You are naughty, aren’t you? You might need a punishment for your meddling so intentionally in my laundry,” she whispered in my pointed ear.
“Hmmm... not before I TICKLE YOU TO DEATH!” I cried as she squirmed in the sheets.