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When Tim was a kid, he learned at an early age on what was the difference between need and want. At first he didn't understand it, he thought that the words are polar opposite, like good in contrast to bad, like happiness to sadness. Just like how his parents needed him to be independent, obedient, polite, and perfect child. And just like how they whisper behind closed door, talking about how exhausting it is to raise a child they didn't want, thinking that he's asleep.
His mother always reprimanded him when he talks about what his wants. Tim once asked them to attend the annual school competition he joined simply because he wanted them to be there. He clearly remembers her warm hands on his shoulder as his mother kneeled to look at his eyes.
("Oh sweetheart… You know our busy schedules, we can't cancel them for that. Besides, I'm sure you don't need us there, do you?"
Despite winning the photography competition. Tim was the only one alone in the podium. Over the years, his collection of medals and trophies grew in the box where he put them, tucked away in his never to be seen again. )
So, he associated his wants as negative and his need as positive. Obviously, that wasn't the case. When Tim had started his nightly adventures. He heard multiple phrases associated with it, such as, 'I don't want to do this but I need to do it' of some desperate criminals pleading to Batman after stealing from a convenience store, or 'I want this and I need this' of a teenager showing their friend the latest release of smartphone by the Wayne Industries.
He observed—that despite the different pronouciation and spelling, the two words were tied to each other, often connected to obligation and desire, either positive or negative depending on the context—but Tim learned the thing that seperate them is selfishness.
With that in his mind, he concluded, with his own experiences that he must be an exemption to that rule. That his wants must always become a necessity before he could have it, but that fact must only be applied to him. Because what else could possibly the reason when he hadn't meet a single person who wanted him or even just allowed him to express his wants?
So—Tim Drake had known for a long time that he was not wanted. He might be needed by some people but he could tell that would always be unwanted. This was reflected in his life in many ways, the most notable he could give as example was how he became Robin.
The days after his Robin died, Tim had never once known a day where blood wasn't spilled on the streets of Gotham. He witnessed the fear taking over the citizens when they see Batman instead of the safety he'd one exhibited.
Batman had needed him. He needed someone to pull him out of his head so he lives another day grieving his dead son than joining him. It's what Robin would have wanted. Dick didn't want to be that person. And he could bear to witness the Protector of Gotham to destroy himself.
So, take the Robin suit he did. He had known their identities, and had followed them for years. Nevermind that he was a bit young, Tim knew he was capable, and unlike his precedessor he did not need a parental figure with his very much alive parents. Tim had done it because it was necessary, not because Batman wanted another son. Their relationship was purely partnership and he did not mind that.
It was significantly better than going back to the empty Drake Manor. It wasn't like his parents didn't love him. They did their best providing him of his needs, he lives in a huge Manor—though it was smaller than the Wayne's it was still one of the largest Manor in Bristol, he had good which Miss Mac would refill for him, he attends a prestigious school— a privilege that he knew not all could get.
They also does spend time with Tim when they're home. His parents just loves their career more than they love him.
He had once though that maybe Dick wanted him, especially when Dick engulfs him in his warm hugs, it was soothing. Tim though that maybe they could become brother. That sentiment was quickly dismissed as he realized Dick was looking at him with Jason's ghost on his back. He didn't say anything, pretending that he Dick did want him, ignoring the voice in his head.
(selfish, you're selfish, you only think of youself—)
That's why it was laughable when Red Hood—Jason attacked him, claiming that he'd been his replacement, because Tim never was. Unlike him, Bruce wanted his son, not some neighbors kid who's parents are too absent to notice his disappearance from the Manor.
(He could never forget the nights in the cave where Bruce would accidentally call him Jason only to realize that he wasn't. The glim of light would fade away as soon as he looks at him. Nights where he forgets that he was Tim Drake, not Jason Todd-Wayne.
Both of them would ignore Bruce's mistake and go on with the cases they're working on, neither of them mentions the what happened.)
Regardless of that, Tim had understood Jason, he knew how important the role of Robin was to him and what it looked like when he came back from the death just to see a random kid parading in bright colors.
(…Jason. Robin. His Robin was back. Alive. Alive. Alive. He's alive. Tim repeats on his mind as his blood gushes out of his throat)
So when he woke up in the Medbay with aching ribs, throbbing pain in his throat. He leaned back to the bed frame as he forced his hoarse voice to speak. He needed to tell something. He needed to tell Bruce—
"..It's him. Jason. He's alive."
With Alfred nearly sobbing out of relief, Dick releasing all the tension from his body and even with the cowl preventing Tim from meeting his gaze, he had known that the lights on Bruce's eyes came back—Tim thought quietly, he was not needed here anymore.
Imagine his surprise when they still approved of his nightly activities as Robin even after Jason came back. Even without Bruce, Dick or Alfred telling him anything, he could tell that they had welcomed Jason back despite his violent tendencies.
(Of course they would. Unlike him, they wanted Jason).
Tim would sometimes cross with Jason in the hallway, or in the batcave. Every time Jason saw him, he would always have an unreadable expression on his face. If you ask him, Tim would say it was disappointment. He always knew he couldn't compare to those who wore the Robin before him so he ignores it like always.
Bruce still invites him on their family dinners, Tim would always decline it with an excuse that his parents were back home and they needed him. He knew that it was only out of politeness, they did not need to discuss on going cases or patrol routes on their dinner. They had time with that. Actually they have a specific time for that.
He also knew that Bruce and Jason was due for a talk. He can tell that they have been avoiding it, but the subtle snides of Red Hood to the Bats on the patrols, and Alfred silently nudging the father and son, that didn't go unnoticed to them. And with Tim there, he knew was unintentionally prolonging the conversation so he would always make a reason just to leave the two together.
Tim did not want to make them uncomfortable to talk to each other just because he was there, he was already taking up their time as Robin. He didn't need them to extend that kind attention to Timothy Drake.
It came to him as a shock when the police came to his home informing him that his parents are gone. Bruce and Alfred had helped him for the funeral arrangement and legalities that came with it. Bruce had adopted him then, his relationship with his wasn't that different after that.
Tim had understood that he was still needed to be Robin so he pulled himself together. They don't need a broken grieving Robin to look after.
When Damian arrived, that was when it was clear to Tim that he had overstayed his role as Robin, seeing that he ended up broken and bleeding again by another son of Bruce, only this time it was by his blood son.
This time though Bruce sat on the side of his bed, his hand caressing Tim's hair, Tim leans on the contact, a bit confused about the action yet silent as Bruce used his rare soft tone to speak to him.
"…Damian just needs to slowly, it might take time but I'm sure he'll come along soon."
He was even more confused when Bruce said that, isn't that what was given? The only reason he was still Robin was because, well, Tim had always assumed it's because they still need his skills in solving cases or maybe they were too nice to tell him to leave. The latter part making more sense than him.
Although, part of the reason why he hadn't given it to Damian was because the kid wasn't ready yet. He wouldn't give the heavy responsibility and expectations of being Robin to a kid.
He had no doubt about Damian's abilities, the kid was raised as an assassin— if he could maim him, then he could do that to the rouges too. However, he finds himself wanting Damian to know that there were other options than entering the vigilante scene. He wanted to make sure that Damian knew that before Robin, before all the costume, Bruce would always accept him no matter what.
(That's what he would've wanted.)
He had told Damian that. Tim admits that he's maybe a bit too blunt considering that Damian obviously didn't believe his words. Jason did tell Tim that sometimes his words comes out as insensitive and harsh. Before he could even prove that to Damian his reasoning without being called a liar—
Suddenly, Dick was wrapping his arms around him shaking, sobbing, his words nearby unintelligible but Tim could hear him clearly.
"They found his body. Bruce's dead." And Tim was shaking and shaking, because that's wrong.
Bruce would never leave his sons. Bruce isn't dead. Bruce was too stubborn to be dead. That can't be right. Bruce can't just them all alone. They must have missed something. He knows he's right.
(Bruce isn't dead. Bruce isn't dead. Bruce isn't dead—)
When he hid in the gallery to avoid the other Waynes, he found his evidence in the form of a portrait. His tears fell again as he looks at the face of this mentor.
Tim immediately informed the others of his findings, yet Dick told him that he was still in denial, that he was grieving, that his theory was insane. And as if his words wasn't enough, Dick gave Robin to Damian without consulting if that would be good for the both of them, without asking him.
That was fine. If they thought he was too unstable to be Robin, if they say he was crazy, if no one wants believes him— he would just have to make sure they needed to believe him because he was right.
Tim left Gotham to find Bruce. And he was going to succeed. Red Robin scourged the world for evidence, jumping from countries and continents to find the clues the Bruce had left for them.
(Tim could never leave his title as Robin because who was he if he wasn't Robin?)
And if he happens to stumble upon the League of Assasin, offering resources—even if it's from Ra's al Ghul, even if it means he needed to throw away his morals, he would do it if that means that he could see his dad again.
But all good thing must come with a price he thought as he find himself falling from a window after Ra's kicked him since Tim foiled his plan to destroy everything that Bruce had worked for, but that's alright he knew this would happen.
What he didn't plan was Batman's body crashing with him as Dick catches him. He find himself again leaning to cold kevlar of his suit.
"I've got you." Dick whispers to him voice trembling.
"I knew you'd catch me. You always do." Tim smiles softly as he lied.
There were a fluctuation of movements in the batcave as they prepare for Bruce's return. Tim had been right in his suspicions, and he brought evidences with it, if he was one less internal organ from normal, then that would be just one of the many secrets that he keeps to himself.
While he helps them from some decisions they needed to make for their preparation, he observed that the Waynes did not need Tim Drake anymore. He watches Dick's presence lift up everyone. He watches Alfred assist each person as he always does. He watches Jason grumble and complain yet present and cooperative. He watches Damian being assured with his position in their family and becoming the Robin Tim thought he would be.
His lips curls up. Bruce was back, they we're happy and they don't need him anymore. They don't need Tim anymore. And it's cruel and just so selfish of him because everything that he ever wanted was for them to be his family too but they don't need him anymore.
(Why would they ever want him?)
He slowly distance himself from them. Moving out of the manor to his own apartment. Making his Nest so he would have to come to the Batcave as often as possible. No one said anything so he must have made the right decision.
He ignores the dinner invitation in favor of solving another of the cold cases he picked. He takes a sip of his energy drink to satisfy his hunger. He ignores the messages since Tim always knew he could never have what he wanted nor anyone could ever want him.
Bruce arrives at the dinning table and notices the empty chair from across Dick's seat. He never once mentions it, thinking how his second youngest child would never want to be with them with how much he failed him. The manor felt a lot more empty than when he was gone.