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When human beings experience a strong emotional response, they often cry from the stress of it, like a valve to relieve the pressure. Omnics though, despite being sentient and capable of a full range of emotions, have no such release. It's a symptom of their initial purpose, their planned servitude. They were not meant to live full lives, only to imitate them. It's not the sort of thing Genji normally thinks about, the disadvantages of being fully synthetic instead of human (or a mix like him) but right now, watching as Zenyatta sits perfectly still in the wake of Mondatta's death, he can't help but think of exactly that.
It's been nearly two days since the broadcast. Two days since they sat in front of the TV to watch an uplifting speech only to witness a tragedy and Zenyatta has barely moved in that time. He keeps picking up his phone, seeing people reach out to him with consolations and pleas for help and then setting it back down for awhile. To those offering condolences, he says only: "Thank you for your kindness. I will be fine." like it's a mantra and if he says it enough times it will be true. To those asking for comfort, Genji has seen Zenyatta type many a message but has yet to see him send one. He understands at least partially why these people reach out to Zenyatta, has leaned on him more than his fair share if he's being honest but under these circumstances, he finds their actions inconsiderate and ill-conceived. Yes, they are hurting. They have lost an icon and a source of hope but Zenyatta, always there for others to lean on, has lost a lot more, has lost a mentor, a brother and probably his closest friend and to expect him to prop them up when he's barely standing himself is foolish. It has taken all of Genji's willpower to not just grab Zenyatta's phone and chuck it against the wall, banishing all those well-meaning but overall empty condolences and the desperate mourning masses in one fell swoop. He doesn't though, he knows Zenyatta loves his phone, loves to be in touch with all the souls he met even under these circumstances and it stays his hand.
The thing is, though Genji knows for a fact that the people contacting Zenyatta right now aren't helping him in the slightest, he's still not sure what would help. Genji has mourned a few times in his life; first, at a young age for his mother and then later, in a deeply unhealthy fashion, for himself but he's not sure if any of those experiences are applicable here. The first time, he'd been allowed to grieve properly, protected both by his age and Hanzo. Perhaps there is knowledge to be gleaned from that experience though from Genji's memories, it had mostly involved a lot of crying. He already knows that the second experience is almost completely a wash, years spend depressed and angry, repressing everything as hard as he could until Zenyatta's gentle tutelage had slowly helped him to unpack it. Genji's pain back then had been buried and worn while Zenyatta's is fresh and raw; how can anything he learned from Zenyatta be applicable here?
He's watching as Zenyatta sits cross legged on the bed, tracing the long, heavy lines of his limbs and feeling frustrated and powerless at his inability to help the one person who's done so much for him. He opens his mouth a few times to speak but what could he say that doesn't sound like empty platitudes? He sighs and gets to his feet, planning on heading over to sit near Zenyatta when out of nowhere, Zenyatta turns to look at him.
In the span of about two seconds, he goes from having his head hung low to really looking Genji over and then tilts his head at him. "I am sorry to be so quiet. I just have," he pauses and looks down at his hand laying limply beside him, "much to think about but that does not mean that I should neglect you when you must be hurting as well. I am sorry."
Genji feels his hands curl into fists and he can't take it, can't listen to Zenyatta's well meaning attempts to care for him right now so he shouts, "Really, Sensei? Of all the things to be on your mind right now, you still put your concerns for me above so much else? How can you be this way?"
Zenyatta looks down and then back at Genji. "I can not help it if I am worried about you, Genji. You are very important to me and I've noticed that you have not slept-"
"Fucking hell," Genji says, closing the last of the distance between them and glaring down at Zenyatta through his visor. "You are worried about me? How do you think I feel? Why do you think I am still awake?"
Zenyatta looks down and then does not look up.
Genji sighs and gets down on his knees so he can meet Zenyatta's eyes. "It is because I am worried about you of course." He reaches out a hand and hovers it above Zenyatta's knee before setting it there. "It has been two days and you have not meditated, have not run a refresh cycle, hell you have barely moved except to check your phone and you keep sending people the same damn text message-"
"Spying on my personal correspondences now, are we?" Zenyatta cuts him off, his tone wry.
"Sorry, sensei, I know it is rude and you can lecture me on it later but I am very worried and I will not let you change the topic that easily."
Zenyatta huffs. "I was not trying to do anything of the sort but continue."
"Right," Genji shakes his head, wholly unconvinced. "My point is that right now, more than anything, you need to try to take care of yourself and I want to help you, as you have helped me in the past. Is that too much to ask?"
Zenyatta sighs and sets his hand on top of Genji's. "It is not but surely you must be in pain as well. The last thing I want is to be a burden to you."
Genji shakes his head. "Of course I grieve but you could never be a burden to me. After all that we have been through together, how could you doubt how important you are to me?"
"That is not it. I am just… unaccustomed to leaning on others, at least since," he pauses and looks away from Genji, "I'd left the monastery."
Genji knows what he really means though and nods. "Well you are in luck then because I have done little else besides lean on others since we left the monastery so I can give you some expert advice."
Zenyatta stares at him for a moment then his voice box springs to life with a choked sounding laugh, his shoulders shaking slightly as if out of his control. "Genji," he just manages to say between chuckles, "Do not act as if you are so needy when that is a blatant falsehood."
Genji chuckles back. "And yet, I do have much more experience relying on others than you do so on this you should defer to me."
"Of course," Zenyatta says, trying to reign in his laughter and failing, "what wisdom do you have to impart to me, oh master?"
Genji snickers, remembering a conversation years ago where he'd used similar phrasing and got gentle smacked for his sass. "Well for one, I think it would be in your best interest to run a refresh cycle. I can tell you have be thinking a lot and I believe it might be for the best if you turn your brain off for awhile."
"Quite literally in this case," Zenyatta interrupts, laughing gently.
"Right," Genji nods, "I am not saying that it will makes things better, just that things can not get better if you allow yourself to fall to disrepair."
Zenyatta looks at Genji and tilts his head. "Now where have I heard that before?"
Genji shrugs his shoulders. "It is not my fault you give such good advice."
"Alright," Zenyatta sighs, "I will run a refresh cycle if you go to sleep."
Genji shakes his head, "I am not falling for that. You start your refresh cycle and then I will go to sleep. I am only awake because I am worried about you."
"You make a fair point. I am only so hesitant because," he pauses and then squeezes Genji's hand, "I have not been able to touch the iris, have not been able to meditate at all but despite this I would like to try and relax in some sort of way. Do you perhaps have a suggestion for me?"
Genji thinks about it and then remembers how, in the days following his mother's death, he had spent much of his time watching the same few movies over and over, much to Hanzo's annoyance. "I have a great idea," Genji says, pulling out his phone and hoping that he still has one of those movies on his hard drive.
***
They're sitting on the bed together and fifteen minutes into "Howl's Moving Castle" when Genji feels Zenyatta's weight shift beside him and turns to see that Zenyatta has closed most of the gap between them. "Thank you," Zenyatta says, leaning his head against Genji's shoulder.
Genji freezes for a second, feels where his stomach used to be do a little flip and then smiles. "Think nothing of it," he says, wrapping his arm around Zenyatta's back, "what are friends for."