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Cassie sort of hates karaoke night more than most people. It reminds her too much of being high or drunk off her face, stumbling around with a microphone, forgetting the words or how to read them, sometimes ending up in the bathroom with puke on her knees somehow and getting kicked out of bars.
It's not just the reminder of past behaviour though. It's hard now for her to be vulnerable in that way - dancing, singing - it was so easy when she wasn't sober but now it's like she's too self-aware, too anxious about the eyes on her. Like partaking in something so attention-seeking is the equivalent of exposing her soft stomach to gnashing teeth. She can still enjoy the activities alone, but as soon as there’s any kind of audience, she recedes into herself.
Still, she accepted the invitation. Partly because Harrison has been giving her part-sad, part-judgemental eyes when he asks how her week was and she yet again says "work and gym" and has nothing else to add because she has no social life.
So here she is. Socializing. The only differences between what she's doing now (i.e. sitting in a corner drinking a diet coke) and what she’s usually doing at home, are her outfit and her surroundings. And the outfit is nothing to write home about. A pair of wide, green cargo pants that were clean and a black tank top because it's so hot outside she can't stand anything else. She knows she looks sort of schlubby because Victoria already commented on it (accidentally - "Oh! You look..." and then had to run away before figuring out how that sentence ended).
It's fine. She's not staying long anyway, just long enough to have been seen and then slip out with an Irish-goodbye as soon as it's socially acceptable.
Meanwhile, here she sits, queen of the back corner.
So far she's seen: Mel shakily sing (yell) along to whatever Trinity chooses; Dennis yodelling country music for some reason (that farm lifestyle is really running away with him); Samira rapping which actually has been the most entertaining so far; and who could forget John Shen (on a rare day off from night shift) who is two espresso martinis deep and apparently a lightweight, dancing to Sir Mix-a-Lot and forgetting there's a microphone. So far, Joy and Emma are only observing, giggling at the antics of the others. Well, Emma giggles and Joy just smiles thinly, like she doesn’t want to but can’t help herself.
She's looking around the room for an angle to leave when Robby plops down on the bench seat next to her, bumping her shoulder with his, essentially trapping her into the corner. It's almost like he can sense when I'm thinking of leaving. He nurses the same beer she's sure he ordered two hours ago.
"Look at you, Dr. McKay! You're out of your house!"
Cassie rolls her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. I don't think you're allowed to comment on my social life when you don't have one either."
"Fair point. You gonna sing?"
"Absolutely not." She shakes her head and sips her Diet Coke. "You?"
"Nah, that seems outside of my duty of care as a boss who's supposed to be respected around here."
"Oh, I wouldn't let that stop you. They might actually respect you more." She nods to the doctors in their 20s.
"They? What about you, would you respect me more?"
Cassie doesn't answer that except for a sideways look and a slight squint.
"Yeah I don't know why I asked either. Okay, so what should I sing then to impress them?" Robby asks.
Cassie shakes her head. "I am the wrong person to ask. My newest album is probably ten years old."
"Beats me - mine are all thirty years old now."
Cassie chuckles. "A fine vintage. Sing one of those thirty-year-old songs they don't know. Teach 'em something about music history, old man."
"Ouch!" He mimes being stabbed in the heart.
Suddenly there's a ruckus near the entrance to the bar, at the other end of the room. Cassie can recognize the familiar voices of her fellow staff making a fuss over something, but she's not sure what until the ruckus moves along the bar towards them.
And of course, it's Dana. Surrounded by her adoring fans (the rest of staff), gushing that she's finally here. Dana, the life of the party, the star, the centre. Even when she doesn't mean to be. She just can't help herself.
She's in a plain white t-shirt, blue high-waisted jeans, simple gold jewellery. Her makeup is simple: a little mascara, a little pink lipstick. Her face looks clean and worry-free, not like at work where she frowns enough lines into her face to make a map (which of course, is beautiful in a different way). But tonight she just looks... at ease. She smiles adoringly at her 'Pittlings'. She's been calling the younger staff that (to their equal delight and chagrin) for a few months now. Apparently it's something her daughters came up with upon seeing them all fawn over Dana at the family barbecue.
Cassie doesn't realize she's missed something Robby's said until he pokes her hard in the arm.
"Ow, shit! What?"
"I said are you gonna go say hello?"
"I was about to leave." Cassie says.
"Why?"
Cassie swallows another sip of cola instead of answering right away. Because she realizes she's been planning (consciously or subconsciously, she can't decide) to leave before Dana arrived, and now she sees a small (quickly closing) window in which she can pretend that's how it went. Because being in the same space as not-at-work Dana is painful to her. It's like seeing her favourite food behind a glass case with a big "DON'T EAT" tag on it. It's like being led into a bank vault full of cash with her hands tied behind her back.
It's like being sober when someone slides over a cold beer on a hot day.
"Because I'm no fun at these things," Cassie says sadly.
"See, I disagree with that whole-heartedly. I wouldn't have sat here if that were true. Who else is going to make me feel safe to brood and snicker in the corner?"
She looks gratefully at him. Smiles warmly. She can tell he means it. No one else is making her feel like 'no fun' but herself. It's hard not to feel like a buzzkill when she sees people around her drinking and carrying on. But she can be fun without being drunk. It's just hard to remember that sometimes. She appreciates the reminder.
"Thanks, Robby."
"Of course. I do think you should sing though. Maybe we can find something 10-20 years old that we both know?"
She chuckles and adds, "Sure, whatever you say, Doctor Boss." With no intention of accepting that offer.
"You're not allowed to leave yet," Robby says as he stands.
"Why not?"
"Doctor Boss's orders. And I know for a fact you don't want to miss the upcoming performances," he says with a little wink. He busts a move on his walk backwards towards the bar (a dad's dance move, despite not being a dad), and Cassie cackles loudly as he bumps into someone's table and apologizes.
"Now that's what I like to hear." Dana's voice is dark like tinted glass (an idea Cassie steals from a song she likes). Cassie realizes she's been snuck-up on while Robby had her attention.
Dana slides into the seat across from her. "You have a great laugh," she adds.
"My witch's cackle?" Cass asks incredulously.
Dana smiles wider, nods. "It sounds very... free."
"Tell that to Harrison. I think to him it's just embarrassing."
"Nonsense," Dana waves her off. "How are ya, hon?"
Cassie tries not to think about how good Dana looks with a beer bottle in hand. Like a commercial for Levi's or Budweiser. All American and sexy.
"Oh you know me. Angling to leave but Robby won't let me."
"Glad you stayed. Would've been sad to miss you."
Cassie feels a little flustered at that. She adjusts in her seat so she's sitting up a little straighter.
"You gonna sing, D?"
Dana shrugs, looks over her shoulder. "Might do," she says, in the way that means of course. Then she looks back at Cassie with a bit of a smirk, her eyelids low. "You gonna watch?"
Dear god, Cassie thinks.
"Might do," she says back, taking a sip of her drink mostly to ease her dry throat.
Dana smiles wide at that and nods. Gets to her feet.
"I'm gettin' another drink. You need anything, doll?"
Cassie shakes her head but can't take her eyes off her as she nods and moves away.
Cassie lets out a deep sigh as she watches Robby pull Dana into a side-hug as she orders another beer. She smiles like she's the centre of the sun. Cassie has to look away or else risk going blind.
Victoria, now several G+T's into the evening and quite loose, sits down next to her, her head immediately slumping onto Cassie's shoulder, eliciting a chuckle from her.
"Hey, Vadi. You having a good time?"
Vic just nods.
"Do you need me to tell you to slow down?"
"Nah, I'm having a water break." Vic lifts the glass she has from the table as evidence.
“Well done, Doc.”
“Are you having fun?”
“I am. It’s nice to be around everybody without, you know, people dying.”
“Right? I kind of miss emergency but I really like psych.”
“I’m glad.”
“I miss you guys, though.”
“We miss you too, Vadi. You know you can ask to hang out anytime?”
As they’re exchanging sappy-isms, Cassie hears the unmistakable crackle of the karaoke mic and looks up to see Dana on stage.
The opening strums off The Troggs plays and Cassie is instantly hypnotized as Dana sways her hips as she sings.
“Wild thing, you make my heart sing.
You make everything groovy, wild thing.
Wild thing, I think I love you.
But I wanna know for sure…”
Within the song, there are instrumental dance breaks during which Dana shakes and grooves, putting on a little show for the Pittlings who are front row cheering her on. She laughs as Trinity gets on her knees in front of the stage in overdramatic worship.
After the second verse, Dana pulls her elastic out and shakes her hair loose, whipping her head around. Cassie feels a little like she might explode, like she might actually be vibrating within her own skin. She doesn’t even notice Victoria lifting her head off her shoulder until she speaks.
“You should go for it,” Victoria’s words are a little sleepy-slurry as she looks dreamily between Cassie and Dana.
Cassie throws a wild look at her. “Go for what?”
“Dana,” Vic says simply, smiling. Like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. She sips her water and waggles her eyebrows.
“You’re drunk,” Cassie says, sipping her dry mouth away again but finding her glass empty. She mouths one of the ice chips instead.
“Yes, obviously. But I also see the way you’re looking at her!”
“Oh yeah? How’s that?”
“Like you want to lick her face. And other things.”
“Jesus, Vic!”
“Am I wrong?”
Cassie rolls her eyes and Vic nudges her sharply.
“That wasn’t a no.”
“No. It wasn’t,” Cassie says and sighs again. “It’s not that simple.”
“Of course it’s not! But it’s good not-simple. Like a recipe with too many ingredients that tastes really good.” Victoria hesitates for a second. “Shit, I’m hungry.”
Cassie laughs. “I can drive you to McDonald’s if you want.”
They both watch as Dana leaps off the stage and bows amidst the other staff, who are all applauding and hollering.
Vic shakes her head. “Nuh uh, you’re not getting off that easy. I’m going to go order some greasy fries, and you are going to sweet talk the charge nurse instead of just making goo-goo eyes at her.”
Vic starts walking towards the bar without waiting for a response.
Cassie shouts after her, “Not happening, Vadi!”
Robby is taking the stage next, flipping through the binder of options and then pointing at one as Dennis looks over his shoulder and says something in the ballpark of, “No way.” Trinity snatches the songbook away from both of them and takes off running across the bar.
They really should know better than to let us into these places as a group, Cassie thinks.
Eventually Robby catches her and swipes the binder back, apologizing to the guy running the karaoke setup, who is fairly good-natured about the whole thing. They’re providing ample entertainment, after all. Robby points at Trinity like “your turn”, maybe as punishment for the whole scene, and Trinity rolls her eyes like a little kid being told to do chores.
“Got you a refill,” Dana’s voice slips in again, even over the din of the busy space. She looks a little wild herself after her performance. Her skin is a little damp with sweat and her hair is a mess she’s barely tamed. The lights strung from the ceiling add a little unearthly glow to her and Cassie realizes she’s forgotten to respond as Dana slides a fresh diet Coke over to her.
“Thanks, Dana.”
“My pleasure. Is Vic coming back or can I take her spot?”
Cassie gulps.
“I’m not sure, but you can sit anywhere you like.”
Cassie tries not to think “my face included,” but it’s too late. She blushes at her own brain. And as she awkwardly shifts in her corner seat, Dana slides into the bench spot that people keep taking, sitting nearly as close as Vic was. Their thighs gently shift against one another as Dana gets comfortable. Dana sips her beer and Cassie avoids turning to look at her, instead observing only in periphery.
They watch as Trinity picks up the microphone and slips into an eerily accurate Janis Joplin impression.
“Take another little piece of my heart now baby…”
Dana’s eyebrows raise. “Damn, I’d say I didn’t think she had it in her, but I’d be lyin’.”
Cassie laughs and nods. “She’s got the pipes and attitude.”
“What were you and Victoria talking about?” Dana says casually.
“Mostly about how hungry and tipsy she is.”
“But what was the end bit? The ‘not happening’ part you were shoutin’ halfway across the bar?”
Cassie didn’t realize Dana had heard that, but she hadn’t exactly been quiet about it.
“Oh… nothing.”
Dana leans back and quirks an eyebrow at her.
“You keepin’ secrets from me, Cassandra?”
Cassie hates when she calls her that because it does something stupid to her insides, turning them over and over like a whisk. She turns, putting her back against the wall instead of the bench-back.
Dana is looking at her with a hint of something - like a challenge - in her eye. The corner of her mouth gently lifted, waiting.
Before either of them can jump in and take over the conversation though, there’s loud guitar riffing from the karaoke speakers and their attention is pulled back to the stage where Robby is bouncing his leg with his eyes closed, the microphone in his hand.
“Oh no,” Dana says with a chuckle.
“It was a beautiful day, the sun beat down, I had the radio on, I was drivin’,” he croons (with a voice crack for flavour). Cassie clamps her hand over her mouth when she sees Vic make a little “yikes” face before pressing her lips together and giving Robby a reassuring nod and thumbs up.
“It’s a good song at least,” Cassie adds with a laugh.
“But those dance moves, Christ,” Dana says.
When he gets to the guitar solo towards the end, he breaks out into a very ill-advised and fatherly air guitar that has the entire team in hysterics. Dana doubles over in delight, grasping Cassie’s thigh for support in the process. Cassie’s laughter is interrupted slightly by the move, evening out into a gentler laugh from the outright cackle it started as.
When Dana catches her breath and Robby nearly collapses from the energy expended at the whole scene, Dana leans against Cassie’s shoulder amiably. Cassie's head reflexively rests against Dana’s. Comfortably. Naturally. She doesn’t overthink it when she does it. Only when it’s already done and her heart rate picks up.
“Thanks for stayin’,” Dana says softly, as softly as one can get away with in a crowded bar. “I hate findin’ out you left before I even got there.”
“Sometimes it’s safer that way,” Cassie says before she can stop herself.
Dana’s head shifts and Cassie sits up straight again. Dana’s looking at her now, appraising her, but Cassie is still looking down at her drink, dragging her thumb through the condensation.
“Why’s that?” Dana says it gently, like she’s afraid to spook a horse.
Cassie finally looks at her. If this is going to be the moment she ruins it, she’d like to get one last look at Dana while their friendship is still intact.
“Because when I stay, I just want to be around you the whole time. And the longer I am, the more likely I am to say something stupid.”
She watches as the words land on Dana. The woman blinks, she looks down, she resets, she looks up at Cassie. Then down to Cassie’s lips. Then back to her eyes.
“Then maybe you should do something stupid instead,” Dana’s voice crackles with smoked cigarettes, with desire and suggestion. With something Cassie thinks she’s been waiting for her whole life.
Then Cassie leans in and kisses her, sweetly and soundly. Their lips fit together just so, the way lips never do for first kisses. Cassie’s hand raises to Dana’s cheek and her skin is so soft. So perfect. The cheekbone against her thumb feels like a key in a lock. It’s Dana who takes the kiss further, pressing forward and slipping her tongue into her mouth. Cassie’s hand slides into Dana’s hair. Dana’s hand squeezes Cassie’s thigh again.
Before they get much further, a series of catcalls breaks out from across the room. They break apart, Cassie pulling her hand free and wiping her mouth clean of lipstick with the back of her hand. She can’t believe she’s just kissed Dana in front of a room of their co-workers. So much for privacy or subtlety. But then, based on Vic and Robby’s observations, she supposes she hasn’t been that subtle to begin with.
Vic is beaming while Samira, Trinity, Dennis, Emma and even John (who looks like he’s about to fall over) are whooping like a bunch of schoolchildren until Robby steps in front of them. “Okay, okay. Show’s over, children. Go get another drink or sit your asses down and figure out what you’re gonna sing next.” He glances over his shoulder and winks at Cass.
“You’re no fun,” Trinity mumbles as she makes her way to the bar.
Dana chuckles, wiping at the lipstick that’s migrated around her mouth.
“Let me,” Cassie says and drags her thumb along the line under Dana’s mouth, cleaning it up as she goes. She licks her finger for a little added removal assistance.
“You’re such a mom,” Dana says with a laugh.
“Yeah I guess I am.”
When she’s done, Dana catches her hand and holds it in her lap.
“How do you feel? Having done somethin’ a little stupid?”
“Better than I thought I would,” Cassie admits.
“Wanna get out of here and do it again?”
“Hell yes.”