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It was really embarrassing, Alec thought, sitting on the edge of Magnus's king sized bed, waiting for his boyfriend to finish showering. After spending the whole day at the beach on some Caribbean island (Alec forgot which one, even though Magnus had told him the name before magically creating a portal), attending an amazing summer festival, they went back to Magnus' loft. Never before had Alec left the united states; so this “little trip”, how Magnus had called it, had been really something special for the young Shadowhunter. Magnus had actually managed to persuade Alec to dance with him on the summer festival and even though he felt super awkward while dancing, Alec decided that it had been worth it for his boyfriend. It had been fun after all – to see Magnus so happy made Alec happy too and so they had danced for almost two hours.
Of course, Magnus had organized a romantic dinner after their visit to the summer festival. Candles, wine, an amazing view overlooking the ocean and delicious food – everything had been perfect. Never before had someone done something like this for Alexander and he could feel how much Magnus loved him, how much the beautiful Warlock tried to make him enjoy everything.
After three months of being a couple, Alec was relaxed being around Magnus most of the time. There were moments when his insecurities came to the surface again and when he felt really awkward, but he knew Magnus loved him exactly the way he was. This thought was really helpful to relax and to just enjoy what was between them.
But now, Alec felt like a 15 year old teenager on his first date with his crush. This wasn't their first date, they have been to plenty of dates, every single one perfect. But tonight, Alec wanted to take the next step of their relationship. He wanted to have sex with Magnus – for the first time in his life, he felt ready for being this intimate with someone. Magnus was the only man in the whole world Alec wanted to be this close to, but there was a huge problem. He was a virgin and Alec was absolutely devastated at the thought of telling his boyfriend. He was 22 years old and never had sex, was totally inexperienced. Alec and Magnus had had some heavy petting in the past three months, but they never went further. And this was what scared Alec. He had to tell his lover that he was a virgin and it terrified him.
“Calm down, Alec,” he told himself quietly and sighed.
“Why do you need to calm down, my dear Alexander?” Magnus's voice suddenly was to be heard. Startled, Alec could see his boyfriend was already back from the bathroom and he looked stunning. Magnus was wearing a simple white shirt – one of Alec's shirts – and black baggy trousers. His hair was still wet from showering and he did not have any of his usually glittery makeup on. His sight took Alec's breath away. He had seen Magnus without makeup on several occasions, but it still took him by surprise. He was the only person on earth that was allowed to see Magnus like this – vulnerable and raw. That's what Magnus had told Alexander.
“Uhm, I, I,” Alec stuttered, his cheeks reddening from embarrassment. “Because, I... it's nothing?”
Magnus smiled softly and walked over to his lover. He raised a hand to stroke Alec's hair gently. “When you need to calm down it's not nothing, my dear,” he answered, sitting down next to his boyfriend. Magnus took Alexander's right hand in his own, squeezing it softly. “What's the matter, hm?”
Alec sighed. There was no going back now. “I... I'm...” Again, he sighed, shrugging his shoulders. “It's so embarrassing.” Magnus tilted his head, looking at his boyfriend with a soft expression. “You can talk to me about anything, you know,” he said and Alec nodded. “I know,” the younger man murmured. “It's just... I don't know how to say this.”
“Is it too much? Do you need more distance?” Magnus asked, suddenly, and Alec's eyes widened in shock.
“What? No! No, that's not it!”
Again, Magnus squeezed his fingers softly. “So you feel comfortable in our relationship?” Alec smiled nervously, nodding again. “Yes, of course. Please don't worry.” Magnus seemed to relax a bit more. “What's the matter, then?”
“I never had sex before.”
There, he said it. Alec narrowed his eyes, did not dare to look at his boyfriend. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest and he was sure Magnus would pity him after hearing this sentence. No man his age had zero experience!
“Alexander... I know you never had sex before,” Magnus said suddenly. Opening his eyes again, Alec looked at the older man. Magnus smiled softly and he came even closer, leaning against his lover. “I know I'm your first boyfriend, so I knew from the beginning that you're a virgin. And that's totally fine, nothing you have to worry about.”
Swallowing hard, Alec stared at Magnus like he was some kind of supernatural manifestation. “Are you sure?” he asked with a quiet voice. And Magnus nodded, his expression growing even softer. “Of course, my darling. Why would it bother me? I love you, Alexander and it's totally fine that you don't have any sexual experience. I would never do anything you don't want or don't like. I would never hurt you.”
Magnus's words made Alec's heart beat even faster and the young Shadowhunter didn't know how he deserved an amazing boyfriend like Magnus. Magnus was so affectionate, caring, loving and the most important thing to him was Alec's well-being. “I know you'd never hurt me. But I think it still is embarrassing to be a virgin at my age,” Alec confessed, but a small smile tugged at his lips. How could he not smile after Magnus's beautiful words?
“That's totally fine. I think it's important to be sure about having sex with someone. It's absolutely okay to wait until you're sure, Alexander and it doesn't matter how old you are. What matters is the feeling, you know?” Magnus lifted their hands and kissed their intertwined fingers.
“I love you too, Magnus,” Alec said suddenly, speaking those words for the first time. Magnus was the one, he knew it, and he was sure about that. “And I want to have sex with you. I am ready and I am sure.” Alec sounded breathless, making Magnus smile even more.
“You really are sure about that?” Magnus asked and Alec nodded. “One hundred percent. Tonight, I want to be yours.” The Shadowhunter blushed heavily again – saying that sounded so cheesy! But it was the truth and Alec wanted Magnus to know how he felt.
“Well, then,” Magnus answered, kissing the corner of Alexander's mouth, “I would love that.”