Work Text:
“Happy birthday, papa!!!!” All of Chris's pups cheered around him with tails wagging and the littlest ones crawled up in his lap when the birthday cake was set in front of him on the table in the decorated yard.
“Happy birthday, Chris!!” Rose wrapped her arms around his shoulders and squeezed.
“Happy birthday, old man,” Leon teased, placing a kiss on top of his head.
And when Chris looked up from the cake that said “Happy 60th!” With his family standing all around him he saw the rest of their family too and all of their friends- Sherry, Leon's chosen pup and her mate, Jake. Leon's other chosen pup, Grace and her little pup Emily who wasn't so little anymore by now… Jill and Rebecca and his beloved sister Claire of course and the rest of all of them who smiled and clapped and sang “happy birthday” to an old man like me Chris thought to himself.
He was overwhelmed by all of the attention and love. Sixty was… Something he thought he'd never live to see if he was being honest. But here he was, a late in life dad with a family of his own, both biological and chosen. It's just that… Something was still missing even though he shouldn't have felt that way, since he already had more than he knew a man like him deserved and-
“Chris?” Leon laughed a little and nudged him. “Better make a wish and blow it out before your pups clear that cake in ten seconds flat.” A smattering of chuckles from the group in front of him. “Right,” Chris snapped out of his thoughts. A wish… He didn't have anything to wish for.
He had a mate and pups, he had Rose, he had a huge family they built together with so much love and trust and care and affection. He had Leon’s health back which he was seriously thankful for every single day. The world was a safer place these days, thanks to all their hard work combined together.
Chris’s hands curled into shaky fists on his lap. The world was a safer place because of-
“Chris?” Leon's soft voice worried, his ears beginning to lower. “Is everything al-”
Chris blew the candles out in one huge breath, earning a round of applause and cheers. All of his pups squealed and Claire started cutting pieces onto plates right away before they dug into it with their bare paws.
“Hey,” Rose’s voice worried the same as Leon's did. “You okay?” It made Chris feel like shit for causing either of them alarm. He smiled at Leon and then Rose. “I'm great. Thank you both so much for this. I'm just gonna run inside quick and use the bathroom, you know how it goes, aging bladder,” he joked just to make Leon scoff and Rose groan.
When he got up and headed back into the house Leon and Rose exchanged a mutually anxious look. Of course Leon was an omega so he could smell the pain wafting off of his mate and Rose knew Chris so well that it didn't even matter if she was a beta, she just knew something was completely off no matter how much Chris tried to cover it with a smile or a joke.
Chris could barely get a breath, he was gasping as he shut the bathroom door and leaned back against it. “Augh-” He clutched his chest. He took his glasses off, setting them on the bathroom sink and rubbed his eyes with his other hand.
He wasn't here. Chris could see the picture of everyone smiling at him in front of the cake, all of his friends and family and their families too now. His pups and Rose and Leon but he wasn't there-
Everyone else was here except for him.
“Fuck!” Chris groaned, balling his hand into a fist and slamming it against his forehead. He sniffled loud and hard trying not to lose it. It was a pain that never healed because how could it? There was no replacing him and no matter how much Chris was loved, no matter how much time went by it didn't change the fact that when Chris looked into the beautiful crowd of his family's faces he looked for Piers, he wanted to see him and he never, ever was going to see him again except in his mind, the image of Piers torn apart and disfigured and-
“Chris…?” Leon tapped gently on the door. He tried to open it but it was locked.
Chris gasped. He cleared his throat quickly and rubbed his eyes harder. The image of Piers as he saw him last before he died haunted him. Brutally mutated and suffering. “Oh-” Chris shuddered, bracing against the sink with his head hanging down. Piers should have been standing right next to him on this day. He should have been alive and beautiful and smiling like he always did. “Ah!” Chris winced when he thought about the grimace Piers bore instead with his body warped and changing.
Leon knocked harder. “Chris let me in now.” His voice was firm.
It cut through the horrific images of gore and his loved one. Chris wanted to be alone right now but he knew it was best to let Leon in because something as simple as a door wasn't going to keep Leon out and he didn't feel like patching up a smashed door on his birthday.
He unlocked it and Leon pushed his way right in, shutting it behind them again. “Chris…” The look on Leon's face broke Chris's heart. He knew he must have looked worse than he thought he did. He had tried so hard not to fall apart. Everyone was here and expecting a happy celebration.
Everyone except Piers. And it was all his fault.
“Shh, shh, hey,” Leon wrapped his arms around his mate and held him close. He rubbed his back. Honestly at this point with the trauma, Leon knew there could be any reason that Chris was breaking down on his sixtieth birthday. But he didn't rush him, just held him and tried to release his familiar and comforting scent that said I'm here, I'm yours, you're safe, we're safe, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay…
Chris didn't know why he felt so devastated when he had a whole yard full of loved ones there just for him. Above all he had Rose and Leon and their litter of sweet pups. It felt like… A betrayal to be crying. Were they not enough? He loved them more than life itself and he'd never want to make any one of them feel like they weren't enough. They were, they truly were.
Get it together, Redfield Chris shook his head and leaned out of Leon's arms so he could rub his eyes. Leon's ears stood up in attention even though his tail hung low. He would be sixty soon too, just a couple years right behind his mate, and Chris thought he had never looked more beautiful yet. “I'm sorry,” Chris’s deep, rough voice rumbled. “I'm ruining the party.”
Leon shook his head and placed his hand on his arm. He rubbed it with his thumb. “It's Piers, isn't it?” He knew his mate too well.
Chris whimpered, pausing to get it together, but then he lost it, covering his face with his hands and Leon pulled him back into his arms again. It didn't matter if Chris was a full grown man or a soldier. He cried like he was a little kid and Leon let him, rubbing his back and laying his head on his shoulder.
“He should be here-!” Chris hiccuped. “Piers should be here right now!”
“I know, I know…” Leon held him tighter. He wished he could just soothe his pain away but he knew it was impossible. Piers was one of the only people Chris got close to and bonded to in that way- Like how Leon did with Sherry or Grace. And he knew, with a deep sigh, Leon knew that… He would feel the same if he lost either of his chosen girls.
“Fuck, I-” Chris sobbed, trying to hold it back. His huge form shook in Leon's embrace, something like a small child and not a man that just turned sixty. “I love him so much, Leon, I still do, I can't- I can't-”
“I know, Chris, I know,” Leon’s tail wagged anxiously and he gently rubbed his cheek against his. “I know, baby.”
Piers should have been right there next to him in all the photos. Piers should have been playing chase with his pups while they all called him big brother!!! Chris's heart clenched. Because of him his pups would never have their amazing big brother Piers. It felt like he stole something from them.
Piers should have been teasing him and giving him a ribbing about being an old man now. Maybe he'd have a mate of his own by now with cute, sparky little pups of his own that took after him. He would look at Piers and tell him how proud he was of him. “Oh, god,” Chris moaned. His family felt broken without Piers right there by his side. Piers and his pure heart of gold.
His light brown ears that stood tall and proud but flopped over happily when he was given any amount of praise. I should have told him more often- How good he was- How much good he did- How much he meant to me-!
Chris tensed and Leon stepped back, cupping his face. “None of it is your fault. He would want you to be happy.” The words felt shallow but they were true. “I know!” Chris could barely whisper, grabbing Leon's hands and holding them tight. Leon nodded and rubbed his thumbs against him.
“I know it's just… It's just..!!” Chris’s eyes squeezed shut and Leon leaned his forehead against his, noses brushing. “I know, Chris… He was your pup.”
Chris cried, holding Leon's hands against his face there, nodding his head as tears ran down his cheeks and wetted Leon's as well. “He was.” Was. Such a cruel, ugly word. Was.
Was. What had been but was now not. Past tense. Never present again.
Chris hated that Piers became a "was" instead of an "is". His sweet pup, Piers. Loyal and loving and trusting and so, so, so fucking good. One of a fucking kind. There would never be a Piers again. “There's no one else like him,” Chris sobbed. “And I love you so much, I love our family, I don't mean to-”
“Shhh,” Leon rubbed his nose against his. He knew how Chris felt. “I know, don't worry, this… This doesn't mean you love any of us less. Don't worry.” Leon gently scritch scratched his fingers against his mate's greying and even whitening scruff. “He’s your pup. Nobody can replace him.”
Leon's understanding tone broke Chris's heart even more. He felt like Leon should have been disappointed with him. Their entire family was here celebrating him and here he was, mourning the loss of one, when he had a whole yard of loving family waiting for him.
How greedy could he get..?
Piers was his pack though. He bonded to Piers and pack bond was a bond that could never be broken or forgotten even in death. He was bound to him.
He wanted to just pick up the phone and call him whenever he felt like it. He wanted to hear his voice again, setting him straight when he got off path occasionally. Piers was the first person he wanted to tell when Leon got pregnant.
Chris cried into Leon, the alpha in him despaired and howling. No matter how hard his alpha howled his pup never returned his call.
Do you know what that feels like?
To desperately call for your pup and be met with silence?
To love someone so much it felt woven into the fabric of your being then to have that torn out? A part would always be missing. Chris felt ghost limbed. His alpha was broken without his only son. Chris loved him so much. How could you love someone so much and then live without them?
He confessed, “Sometimes I don't know how to go on. I would have done anything to protect him! I couldn't keep him safe and- If I could be with him again somehow but I know I can't because-” Sometimes he just felt like laying down and dying because it meant that he could be with his pup again. His pup went somewhere he couldn't follow. But it felt too traitorous to even think because he had so, so, so much to live for.
“I know, honey, I know,” Leon purred to soothe his weeping mate. He rubbed his back and leaned his face against his. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” He didn't judge Chris for one second for feeling that way. He hugged him as tight as he could. “I love you so much, Chris.”
“I do too,” he hugged Leon back and sniffled. “Dunno what I'd do without you.” He meant it.
“Well, lucky for you because you won't have to wonder.” Leon sniffled a little too and pulled back so he could look up at him. “Because I'm not going anywhere. Ever.”
Chris faintly smiled with the creases at the corner of his eyes deepening how they always did now with his age. “That better be a promise.”
“It's a threat,” Leon teased, wiping the tears off of his own eyes. Chris melted. He hugged Leon so tight and Leon's tail wagged. “God, I fucking love you,” Chris sighed.
“Me too.” Leon purred and for a minute they just held each other and closed their eyes.
“I wish you two could have known each other.” Chris murmured so faintly Leon’s ears had to perk up and tilt forward to hear. His heart broke in a very specific, Chris and Piers shaped way.
“Me too,” he nodded again. “I know he's your pup but he's mine now too.” Leon's voice was soft and maternal the way it got when he talked about his pups.
Chris swallowed a lump in his throat. Leon claimed Piers as his own pup even though he was dead… And it was impossible… He was gone but… It made Piers feel real and alive again for just a little. It's all Chris could have wanted for his birthday. The wish he made when he blew the candles out on his cake.